Men are the ones who really settle

ComfortableJeans · 2025-04-16T13:51:41+00:00

Regardless of whether men or women settle more, it has to suck absolute shit to be in a relationship with someone who has the mentality that they've settled by being with you.

I feel as though it would make you valueless as a partner.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-04-16T14:48:18+00:00

This take oversimplifies reality. Men aren’t “stuck” with aging wives, they’re aging too, and maybe not in ways she’s thrilled about either.

And if you’re only marrying someone for their looks, of course you’ll resent the fact that people age.

Healthy relationships are built on much more than appearance.

No one’s forced to settle, staying single is always an option.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-04-16T14:40:01+00:00

I've long thought that men's obsessive claim that women settle for who they marry is just a huge projection because it's so common for men to feel like they're settling for the first woman who shows them interest. And they're paranoid that women are doing the very thing they've been doing this whole time.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-04-16T13:46:11+00:00

The person with options, I suppose, but this isn’t a competition. No one is required to marry anyone they aren’t crazy about.

fucksiclepizza · 2025-04-16T22:56:42+00:00

Speak for yourself dude, I'm not attracted to 18 year olds, they're practically kids.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-04-16T15:08:27+00:00

“we all know that men are most attracted to 18yr olds”

Why is it always brought back to this 😂

I suppose the men who only care about a woman’s age (and no other attribute) are settling by staying with their wives. But I don’t think the majority of men have the sole criteria of “must be 18” when dating- that’s very two dimensional

I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY · 2025-04-16T16:50:46+00:00

men are most attracted to 18yrs old's

That's not correct. Lots of men (including me) are attracted to women their own age.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-04-16T14:59:25+00:00

You’re right. Every man wants a harem of 18 year olds. So when they get a girlfriend or a wife, they’re settling.

DumbWordsmith · 2025-04-16T13:56:28+00:00

Everybody settles to a certain degree.

The lucky few are those mature enough to accept reality and support each other despite each person's immutable shortcomings.

However there is no indicators saying that she's not attracted to that.

The same applies to men: Just because the husband finds other women attractive doesn't mean he's not physically attracted to his wife.

Also, let's not act like the average woman wouldn't prefer being with a 6'5", handsome, and jacked version of their BF or husband. The vast majority just can't land a dude like that for a stable monogamous relationship; they can't compete with the top women.

StaleSushiRolls · 2025-04-16T13:44:42+00:00

I think the reality is that most people will marry whoever they are dating around their mid to late 20ies.

Is it the best choice for them? Probably not! But it's what happens! I think most people are "settling", in a way.

BeerNinjaEsq · 2025-04-16T14:59:17+00:00

All right, your post sent me down a research rabbit hole, and I've spent about 30 minutes going through peer reviewed studies on the topic. I know this may come off as nitpicking, but from what I can find, all the research indicates that the men across all age groups showed a consistent attraction to women in their mid-20s, not 18.

Teenage boys, for instance, demonstrated a preference for women older than them (mid-20s) rather than their same age, as might be expected.

Based on the study, sometimes this was described as "early to mid-20s"; sometimes it was 20-22; sometimes it was 22-26. I suspect these slight variations may have as much to do with how the study was conducted as it was to the culture or country where the study was conducted.

However, there's also really good research that shows that this is just a universally accepted age of attraction (i.e. when people often peak), but that doesn't mean men are any less attracted to certain women in other age groups (https://mesplaisirs.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/eastwick-et-al-2025-no-gender-differences-in-attraction-to-young-partners-a-study-of-4500-blind-dates.pdf).

In fact, the research suggests that age matters less than if the person is just attractive; stated simply - age is just a number, but hot is hot.

Being above a partner’s age limit did not decrease attractiveness.
Age over the stated max did not change the slope of romantic desire.
The limits didn’t function as thresholds or as weights on desire ratings.
“People were generally attracted to younger partners, but it did not matter whether the partner was below or above each participant’s personal maximum.” — Eastwick et al. (2025)

And this is true for both men and women.

“Men and women both preferred younger partners, and the magnitude of this preference was essentially identical.” — Eastwick et al. (2025)

ThatBitchA · 2025-04-16T14:27:37+00:00

On the other hand we all know that men are most attracted to 18yrs old's.

Ick. I'd rather stay single than be with a man my age who is secretly pining for an 18 yo. 🤮

So who's really settling?

I don't think most people settle. Especially women.

Men might settle because, according to bros, here. They'll take anything offered to them.

Sea_Poppy · 2025-04-16T22:01:27+00:00

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The literal post above this in my feed was a woman admitting she settled lol

Doobiedoobadabi · 2025-04-16T13:51:22+00:00

So much wrong with this. You know the man ages with the wife? Also if he “can’t get an 18 year old even if he tried” implies rejection not settling.

Also if this is truly how you feel, you’re no catch

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-04-16T16:16:22+00:00

The entire concept of "settling" is predicated on one-itis, which is yet another stupid delusion inexperienced people bring with them into dating. Ironically, even the redpill discourages this line of thinking.

There is no "The One" where everyone else is settling.

In reality, out of millions of opposite-sexed people within a reasonable age range, there are thousands of people that would likely make for perfectly good partners with the average person.

There are hundreds of thousands of people who would make for mediocre partners - "settling" - with the average person.

And there are millions of people who are just totally, completely incompatible, and any attempt at a relationship would end in rubble.

Who these people are and what category they fall into is a highly individualized thing that varies by individual, and the purpose of dating and relationships is to find the people in the first category.

There is no autistic comparison between partners in the first category. People are complex. A blonde haired, blue eyed woman with long legs, lean muscle, a slightly round face with crow's feet, a penchant for Pilates, hiking, cardio, and co-ed softball, an interest in rock music and karaoke, and a bit of a temper, who works as a marketing associate and shares a few hobbies and most of your life goals...

...is not "better" or "worse" than a dark haired beauty with green eyes who's a little bit shorter, but still fit, lacks crow's feet but has freckles, and prefers to play ice hockey, enjoys art and dance, loves attending pro sporting events, has a great sense of humor but struggles with her confidence at times, who works in IT at a hospital and also shares a few hobbies and most of your life goals.

They are both different, but good partners in their own ways, a complex human mix of postiives and negatives, where the benefits overwhelmingly outweight the flaws. What will determine how good the relationship is, is the level of effort each person puts into it once it begins, not the immutable characteristics that were predecessor condtions to beginning the relationship in the first place.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-04-16T20:58:05+00:00

I mean I think 18 may be a bit low for a lot of men, 20s may be more universally appealing, and most guys seem to find certain women attractive well into their 40s. But yes, most men are settling, not just as their wife gets older, but the day they marry her, because most men want beautiful women, and most women are average looking.

The argument is that men are still sexually attracted to average women, while women aren’t sexually attracted to average men, but really… men are just hornier and more willing to have sex with women they’re not that attracted to. Which begs the question, is being used as a warm hole any more desirable than getting “duty sex”? I don’t think so.

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-04-17T00:51:31+00:00

Most men lose attraction for their wives because they get fat and stop caring about their appearance, not just because theyre aging. If you actually love your spouse, aging itself doesnt make them unattractive to you.

KamuiObito · 2025-04-16T16:01:59+00:00

I don’t even like women younger than me and I’m 23. I’ll never take a 19-20 year old seriously. It’s only one particular group of men who like women that age.

cs342 · 2025-04-16T15:03:30+00:00

Who wants an 18 year old?? 22-25 year olds are way more attractive imo.

LoudPiece6914 · 2025-04-16T13:49:53+00:00

I think the whole idea of settling is damaging and counter productive. Everyone should have a match and we should help everyone to find a good person to be with. However, no one‘s perfect and you have to put work into making your relationship the best it can be. It’s better to teach people how to get along with other people and make it work as long as your core values align.

hikereyes2 · 2025-04-16T14:38:11+00:00

I do not find 18 yo girls attractive anymore. Even late 20's makes me uncomfortable.

Like amy generalities, there are exceptions but they are few and rare.

attendquoi · 2025-04-16T16:42:09+00:00

Okay, then I'll tell the men what I tell the women: don't settle and then bitch about what you settle for.

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SteveSan82 · 2025-04-16T14:48:58+00:00

What a guy really wants just doesn’t exist. A loyal woman who’s his best friend with unconditional love is a fantasy. But if such a woman existed, she could be any age and a guy would be cool. But she isn’t real.

So 18 year old virgins are the next option and yes they do exist

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-04-16T15:10:57+00:00

Anyone (man or woman) who meets their significant other after the age of 30 or so, is "settling" to some degree. But I don't like using that term per se.

I call it being more realistic about your value and finding someone who would be a better long term fit for them vs the short term flings you've had which had no LTR potential.

For example, women who got run through by Chad's in their twenties finally come to the realization that he was never going to actually pick them to settle down with. Similarly, in an ideal world most men would prefer a stone cold stunner who's in her early to mid twenties but realized they're not quite handsome, rich, or charming to actually nab her so they pursue someone more on their level.

Point is, both men and women are delusional in their earlier years and if they haven't struck gold by a certain age, they begin to become more realistic with evaluating their own SMV and "settle" as you would say.

mobjack · 2025-04-16T15:41:41+00:00

An older man going for an 18 year old is settling on personality and maturity.

BrianMcTill · 2025-04-16T15:31:55+00:00

Women can get fucked by 1-2 "level" higher league guys easily but they cannot lock them down for obvious reasons so if you ask me women are settling. Men get what they can.

QuiteBlurry · 2025-04-16T16:26:30+00:00

I don't agree with your comment about men all wanting 18 year olds, but you're right, perhaps for different reasons.

Men going on about women settling is often projection. Based on their conscious or not belief that they (men) are themselves settling and they resent the woman they've settled for. So how could she not feel the same?

I don't see relationships this way, but some men do.

girlypop_xo · 2025-04-16T22:10:11+00:00

We rarely get everything we want in life! We don’t always land our #1 dream job, drive a ferarri, or live in a mansion. But we compromise, we "settle", and we still find happiness in other choices that end up working out great for us. So why are romantic relationships treated like they should be the one area in our lives with absolutely 0 compromise?

Maybe a guy won’t end up marrying an 18 year old even if that’s what he’s super into (yikes btw). But he can still find someone he’s attracted to, who’s a realistic partner, and good fit in his life. Relationships aren’t about expecting one person to fulfill every fantasy and dream you’ve ever had, they’re about creating something real and grounded in reality

Few_School2680 · 2025-04-17T04:45:14+00:00

The future will belong to those who are realistic, adaptable and open to compromise

MarioWilson122 · 2025-04-16T16:02:12+00:00

Naw appealing to someone as a settle down option is always bad since you arent demanded and chosen as someone shes really excited about being with.

It doesnt matter if she is aging if the man was with the wife as she aged and grew old with her together. That is of course if she continues to take care of herself.

Ok-Assistant-1220 · 2025-04-16T17:11:31+00:00

Now maybe. Our ancestors had old "wife material", that when Beauty is over has more substance to them. Nurturing, cooking, adorning, etc.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-04-16T17:42:00+00:00

men in general I'd say (in the modern dating era) tend fo "compramise" WAY more on their standards due the inherent effects hypergamy, unless you are a bottom male or top 5% male.

as a guy who cooks very well, travels, own his own place, makes 200K+, is ripped, I'd like at baseline a women who is also in great shape, cooks, travels, indepedent, etc.

however, this type of women is highly HIGHLY saught after and will likely be shooting for men way above my level.

so I have to "comprimise" on a few of these things. I dont need a great cook, I dont a women who is in top physical shape etc.

DietTyrone · 2025-04-16T18:05:59+00:00

On the other hand we all know that men are most attracted to 18yrs old's.

And there's concrete evidence to support this claim?

Even if you could find some study showing a group of guys saying they prefer women 18, how could any women know if they're with a guy who prefers that or women their age? All you can do is assume, just like I can assume a woman who goes from tall ripped Chad's to shorter Engineers with dad's bods is settling for security. One claim isn't more valid than the other.

Watch me cherry pick data to prove my point.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/after-service/201909/5-reasons-why-women-and-men-care-about-height?utm_source=chatgpt.com

This study found women had a preference for guy about 8 inches taller than them. Average female height in the USA is about 5'3, while the average male height is around 5'9. Eight inches above 5'3 would be 5'11. Following your logic, that means most women are settling.

IThinkILikeYou · 2025-04-16T18:50:51+00:00

“There’s no research that says this”

Then you proceed to justify your argument with “we all know..”

Where is the research that supports your claim?

abaxeron · 2025-04-16T19:00:27+00:00

There is no research that says this.

Yes there is.

Easiest debate ever.

If you decide to engage, before you do, I'd like to see what brought you to conclusion that "there is no research that says this."

Dionystocrates · 2025-04-16T23:14:38+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Qst7MKYrGTY (Link to a YouTube Short)

This quote by Patrice O'Neal about how, for men, rejection is at the front end while, for women, rejection is at the back end is quite insightful. The very same logic can be extrapolated to settling as well since we (male & female) also settle differently:

Women settle mostly when it comes to the short-term [sex] (women settle on the front end)
Men settle mostly when it comes to the long-term [relationships/marriage] (men settle on the back end)

JustGeminiThings · 2025-04-18T01:27:47+00:00

The problem with the whole concept of "settling" is that it sounds negative - and that's because if you have a great partner that is compatible, and you enjoy being with them, feel attraction to them, and love - you would never think "I settled for this person." If you are thinking that you settled - then you have made a bad decision.

Boxisteph · 2025-04-18T14:26:10+00:00

That's a wild statement.

Men are lucky to access any woman outside of paid prostitution... To say them getting any wife is settling shows you have no clue how hard it is for men to get women to sneeze in their direction

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-04-18T14:46:47+00:00

Stats say prior to marriage, breakup rates between the genders are fairly equal. After marriage it is women who end most marriages. I think that’s enough data to show men settle more

Hefty-Lobster-5513 · 2025-04-19T02:26:06+00:00

Most men are attracted to 18 year olds? Andrew Tate definitely fried y’all 🤣

BrockVelocity · 2025-04-19T19:19:25+00:00

we all know that men are most attracted to 18yrs old's [sic]

...no we don't know that? What are you basing this on? At most, you're basing it on conversations you've had with an infinitesimal minority of men on the planet. The fact that plenty of men find women in their 20s attraction does not mean that all men are most attracted to 18-year-olds. I'm 39 and 18-year-olds look like children to me. Also, even if your assertion was correct, attraction is not the only thing that matters in a relationship.

I think you're telling on yourself, my dude.

ConTrikster · 2025-04-20T13:05:13+00:00

lol Idk why tf you went that dumbass direction with the age. But do think men settle the higher on the totem pole they go in regards to success and looks.

For example if you are just a regular average guy or lower, then of course you aren’t really settling for anything. But it’s gonna always be hard for a woman to match and compare to a dude making six figures or more, tall, strong willed drive etc. when those types of guys are in high demand.

The reverse doesn’t really work on women. Women making more money isn’t an attraction point for a man. And beauty is common. So women typically have something that’s already common, while having more and stricter standards for looking for a man.

After a while as a good man with high income and or attractive, you will pretty much be technically “settling” 80% of the time. Men just don’t really have an issue with settling tho because we can still be fulfilled by less in a partner than woman. Biology supports this

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-04-16T16:59:24+00:00

Huh, I didn't know that men just remained in stasis after they turned 25 or something. Men, just like women, are human. Humans age. Most humans don't age particularly gracefully. You're not settling because your wrinkled ass and bad knees are with someone who is also wrinkly and with bad knees. If you think you're perpetually deserving of the latest crop of hot 18-year-olds and anything less is settling, that's just delusion talking.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-16T18:12:48+00:00

Disney movies is not settling for women

Porn is not settling for men

Which one is better?

TheCultOfGrogg · 2025-04-16T14:00:19+00:00

I would say that “yes”, most men settle for their wives. It’s weird because the sentiment from women is that they’re all too good for men but women only know what they feel, not really what “is”. Most men, objectively, settle for most women.

RapaxIII · 2025-04-16T14:07:12+00:00

This has often been the case throughout human history, women vastly overestimate their worth all the time. Unfortunately, men are suckers for a pretty face so we hyped them up too much

VladTheGlarus · 2025-04-16T14:38:16+00:00

I believe the overwhelming majority of people settle, but women have much harder time admitting it.

Why we settle - have you had a crush on a male/female movie star, athlete, singer, whatever? Or just even a crush on someone older when you are a teenager? Did you end up in a relationship with them? No, right? Well if you in a relationship now with someone else - you settled. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as that person makes you happy.

Bit there's something wrong with not admiting it. I think there's something delusional about it.

And I've noticed mostly women do that - we all know women who always claim they are happy when they are single and it's their choice, then flip around when they met someone and that's the most wonderful person ever and they've never been happier, then they break up and that person was an asshole and they are now again happiest they've been... I think it's some sort of self-soothing mental mechanism that keeps these women from facing the hard truth that it might be their fault, a way to avoid accountability for themselves as a person and take responsibility for their failure to be a good partner.

It's much easier to blame someone else and the stigma about being single is much stronger among women than men, maybe the shame and embarassment is too much and that's why these women need to scream from the rooftops how happy they are. But I think they are trying to convince themselves - hense the delusion.

luckforeveryone · 2025-04-16T17:08:12+00:00

Women view not being able to land a top 10-20% man as settling, even when they are just as average as their partner who they "settled" for.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2025-04-16T22:34:51+00:00

Most people settle Unless my S/O looked like 21 year old Scarlett Johanson I would be settling.Butvwomen tend to settle more based on what they say. Men can get close to what they want so instead of 18,22 it's about the same. Women just want way more than men and they are more delusional in these wants and impractical in fact the man most women want doesn't even exist. Jesus wasn't even good enough for women he died a virgin.

wtknight · 2025-04-16T23:50:07+00:00

Average men and average women probably both settle. It's part of the compromise that comes from the idea of monogamous relationships. Women settle for someone who is their equal when they would rather be hypergamous (although many average women are just staying single instead, these days), while men settle for not being able to be polygamous and having a mistress or harem, which would eventually include younger women ideally, of course.

eternitypasses · 2025-04-17T00:32:53+00:00

Almost everyone is settling, regardless of whether it's a man or a woman.

No one is marrying the person they really want. There's always going to be someone else they'd rather be with. That's just the reality. With age, men want someone younger, while women don't care.

musicissoulfood · 2025-04-17T14:58:44+00:00

There's millions of men all around the world complaining about not getting any from their partners, but here we have you claiming this:

However there is no indicators saying that she's not attracted to that.

If she is with you because you are "husband material", you won't get even 10% of the passion and the frequency that her previous lovers received.

The-Cherry-On-Top-xx · 2025-04-17T16:43:17+00:00

That 18 yr old wants 18 yr old Chad, not a 40 yr old beta male 🤣🤣🤣

If he cant get an 18 yr old then hes definitely not settling.

berichorbeburied · 2025-04-16T15:13:06+00:00

Most me settle because they don’t get what they want sexual attraction wise or sexually and essentially they aren’t getting who they truly desire

So they go after different things. Different values. Or whatever’s available or whatever other criteria they select for

That’s usually what men mean when they say settle

Women settle in they get what they want but they take the other negative qualities of the man attatched to what they want and they call it settling

For example if a man could be with a very sexually attractive woman and she had negative flaws. Then he most likely wouldn’t call it settling

But if a woman was with a man because he was a provider or rich and that’s what she wanted but he had negative flaws she would call it settling

That’s the main difference

So in general most men settle

But in the sense of men who get what they want they aren’t settling

And to be specific if most men don’t get what they want. It can’t be called settling

It’s just called life

Settling for a man is being with a woman because he can’t be with no one else atp or it’s his best option

Title	Men are the ones who really settle
Author	Illustrious-Line-996
Upvotes	78
Comments	234
Date	April 16, 2025 1:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k0kr2w/men_are_the_ones_who_really_settle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-the-ones-who-really-settle.1549773 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549773

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