The phenomena of single women dating married men

wtknight · 2024-03-22T23:38:48+00:00

I'm still waiting for the hordes of women to approach me due to me being married. Since this has never happened throughout many years of marriage, I can only conclude that it's mostly married men acting up and flirting with women with more confidence (due to being married and knowing some woman out there desires him) rather than something about a man being married that somehow just attracts more women.

Rook_Cross · 2024-03-22T21:29:21+00:00

The vast majority do not do this. Of those dating a married man, i would bet most don't know he's married. If you know that many people doing this it most likely says something about you and the crew you hang around with. I understand you may feel smart talking about "selection bias", but that doesn't make women dating married men some widespread issue. Doesn't even mean that's why those women who are, are doing it. Not even for thrills. Like most relationships they like the person and got close. I was reading a thread this morning about women dating online not wanting to date "separated" men, because they know what that really means, having had bad experiences in the past with men lying about their status. I think you're blowing things out of proportion due to your own inherent biases and wishes.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-03-22T20:30:55+00:00

The scientific literature has demonstrated pretty well that women are more attracted to a man once they know he’s married. Some other woman has done the hard work of vetting for them.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-03-22T20:01:18+00:00

Everybody wants what they can’t have, from the married man to the woman on the side.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-22T20:17:00+00:00

I've seen the reasoning that if you want something casual, you can get with a married partner - not strings attached and they won't put any long-term expectations on you. I think it works this way for both men and women, but whoever is dating a married person is a scumbag.

JSears90210 · 2024-03-22T21:29:45+00:00

A few reasons:

The men are probably often highly desirable. Very good looking or very well off or both. The standards for what is a desirable man is high enough that there are relatively few to go around. Couple this that men are less discriminating with who they sleep with and there are going to be guys juggling multiple women.
The relationship works for the women because they subconsciously do not want a relationship with a guy who if fully available. I have seen the scenario many times that when someone leaves their spouse the affair partner is out of the relationship within six months.
There is a genuine connection and the guy is in a bad relationship with is wife.

Common_Hamster_8586 · 2024-03-23T00:50:08+00:00

I’m more concerned with the fact that this proves how easily men can be swayed from their invested partners.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-03-22T20:39:47+00:00

Lots of women are insecure and "stealing" another woman's man gives them a confidence boost. If she's successful, she thinks she's better than the man's gf/wife. This is why taken men get more interest from women than single men do.

The_Hyperbolist · 2024-03-22T20:29:31+00:00

Throughout my daily life I am hearing more and more stories of women intentionally avoiding single men and getting involved with Married men.

Those 30% of married male tinder users didn't just accidentally slip and fall into a dating app, so why are you framing infidelity as an issue where women are seeking out married men? Why is this post not titled, "the phenomenon of married men cheating"?

2024-03-22T20:39:29+00:00

It’s preselection. It’s so powerful.

uterine_blackmail · 2024-03-22T21:31:00+00:00

I am a woman and I get approached by a LOT of married or engaged men. Most of them lie and say they are single, but since I don't have my head up in my *ss, I do my investigations and I find out they are happily married. Draw your own conclusion

ktdotnova · 2024-03-23T00:29:47+00:00

Married men are married for a reason... they are either above average in either finances, social standing, looks, personality. Married men are better than the socially awkward guy who lives in his basement still.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-03-22T20:45:59+00:00

A married man is less likely to blow up her spot because he's invested in keeping it a secret. She can have that seasoned dick on tap without getting tagged on FB where her other suitors can see.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-03-22T22:47:29+00:00

It sounds like you like casual sex, frequent social circles or people who like casual sex, and then get all shocked when they don’t have a moral code about who they have casual sex with. Men do not care if the women they have casual sex with are married. As long as they have sex, they don’t care. Why do you expect women to have some kind of ethical code? As for your hookup buddy who liked married men, did you ever say “omg she sounds like a train wreck: I am going to avoid her!” Or did you just say “doesn’t matter, had sex!”

Barneysparky · 2024-03-22T20:15:26+00:00

Do you think this is a new thing?

It's a very old thing that is rare compared to the way it used to be. Back in the old days becoming a secretary financially meant that you could "make do" on your salary with living in sub par often dormitory style apartments and very little spending money. My mom supported her mother, they slept on a twin bed in a rooming house.

Or, as a secretary you could retain your independence on a day to day basis while letting an executive pay for a much nicer apartment and get clothes and nights out, and were able to use your salary on yourself.

That's the way it used to be. Today you can find young socially economical women a rung down from you and do the same thing, occasionally. They are unicorns.

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2024-03-22T21:18:41+00:00

Some toxic people get off on the perceived validation the get from getting someone to cheat on, and sometimes leave their partner with them. Its messy and it usually blows up in these people's faces one way or another, but mate poachers are a thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Men do this a lot too, I can't tell you how many men have proceeded to try and make a move on me when it's very obvious to the world on my social media and everything else that I'm happily married, even my husbands now former "friends" and co workers/business partners. Again I think a big part of it is they like the idea of being so awesome they can snatch someone out of their relationship 🙃

womandatory · 2024-03-22T22:13:50+00:00

Fake news. Red pill guys will invent all kinds of shit to support their weird narratives about sharing alphas and this rot. Honestly, you all need to leave the echo chamber. It’s embarrassing to hear this stuff repeated regularly.

SupportRemarkable583 · 2024-03-22T20:10:58+00:00

My question is why the fuck were the girls you were going out with telling you about the other guys they slept with?

gopher_glitz · 2024-03-22T23:13:58+00:00

Knew a woman who lived with her boyfriend. Started an affair with a married guy at her work. Go out for drinks because they're both taken so no harm....so it starts out. If he had been single, she would've passed because it already feels wrong before anything evolves.

DolphinPunkCyber · 2024-03-22T21:00:52+00:00

Lately? This is not a new phenomena, women do like to steal boyfriends, husbands.

Husbands like to lie they are in the divorce process, or separated to have a ride on temporary mistress.

How common is this... depends on the region, social class.

Somewhere it's like a real Jerry Springer show, somewhere extremely rare.

Ill_Conversation5351 · 2024-03-22T21:28:19+00:00

This is not new it’s called pre-selection bias. A packed restaurant must have good food. Sold out concert tickets are a sign of good music. And a man in a relationship or surrounded by women shows he’s sought-after.

Safinated · 2024-03-22T20:10:12+00:00

You’re dating the dregs, because that’s what’s left

The functional ones are taken

_Gravemind_ · 2024-03-22T22:32:22+00:00

I don't know if the girls in your stories were compensated or not, but being a sugar baby is still totally a thing. It's bigger than ever, actually. Especially in women ages 18-28. I do also consider no compensation is taking place as well. One party engaging that's married opens up kink/excitement and that could be enough on its own without terms & conditions on the backend.

Of course, many women come from backgrounds of money and can afford their lifestyles. Of their own doing or inheritances/family support. I'm not talking about this group, just acknowledging the existence of it.

What I'm talking about is the ever increasing awareness and meme of people wondering how women who come from average or below average (financially) backgrounds are taking trips, vacations, have nice apartments, living more softly while sometimes simultaneously going to college with zero income. These are your normal kinds of women of all attractiveness levels. By normal I mean their lives appear like anyone else you go to work or school with. Zero affiliation with sex work.

All while only having Instagram/Facebook/Tik Tok with absolutely no funnel links to a Twitch, PayPal, Venmo, Onlyfans, ect. It's happening through traditional social media and Tinder. I even had my mind blown doing further digging on sugar baby websites/apps like SB (secret benefits).

Granted, there are bots on any sites like these (even popular dating apps), and your location will definitely reflect who, if anyone is nearby. My reasoning for my mind fuck was that SB has a video verification feature that you can view as a user. I recognized soo many beautiful and average women in my area on this site. It's real and it was absolutely them. I messaged quite a few of them (local ones and others from farther away distance filters) for insights, and it appeared to be a 50/50 split between exclusivity (only one sugar provider) or having a few on their roster. None of these girls are selling content either. On any platform. Doesn't mean it never does happen, though. The men participating are married, engaged, dating, single, and everything in between.

I love data and statistics and have been aggregating escort prices from various cities, states, and countries going back to 2016. To see if there is a correlation (if any) with average rates over time and see if a spike occurs in the time frames of increased male loneliness and sexlessness. Which would reinforce the idea that many men have to pay to play. In the most literal sense. I know escorting is only one piece of the puzzle, but it's the best indicator of supply/demand as it's the most direct form of acquiring sex. With all of the other outside and unrelated factors coming together to lead individuals right to it's doorstep.

alebruto · 2024-03-23T00:23:21+00:00

Everyone knows a guy who, when he was single, no one wanted, but when he found a girlfriend, he became desired by women. This is my case and that of others I know. In my case, two women who rejected me became interested in me and harbored deep hatred for my fiancée, one of them left me in the Friendzone for years and when I started dating my fiancee, she suddenly turned 360° and started chasing my fiancée. Women like pre-selected men, today women are at least extremely nice to me and on some occasions they are attracted, but when I was single, the best I could do was be the cute friend, and sometimes I was completely despised. It's very similar to the way companies work, they don't value you when you're unemployed, but once they find out where I work (the largest in Brazil in the segment), they become interested. I feel like the toy that no one wanted to play with, until one child tried it, liked it and now other children want to take the toy for themselves. Unfortunately, for the average man, the best way to get a woman is to get another woman. I think it's a stupid strategy, because if the committed man gives in, then the lover's prize is an unfaithful man. Women play a lose-lose game with this

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DarayRaven · 2024-03-22T20:25:42+00:00

As long as he knows the way home lol

No-Calligrapher-3630 · 2024-03-22T20:44:51+00:00

I think some girls like it. It's what you want that's forbidden, or often it makes you feel superior, better, etc. It's often less about the guy and more about the feeling of being on top or better... Not always but often. You might often hear of the other woman constantly putting the main one down, that's not always because they want to be better for the guy, but to prove they won the competition. But from what I've noticed you rarely get guys comparing themselves with the other guy (you may have a different experience).

I've never had this desire, but it's what I noticed. If a guy thinks having a mistress is a flex and she's amazing, I usually roll my eyes. Usually these women are insecure.

But this is a hunch on my part. I have no proof this is why.

TeddyMGTOW · 2024-03-23T00:42:18+00:00

Uncle Teddy approves

badgersonice · 2024-03-23T00:55:26+00:00

The only case in real life I know where someone knew their partner was married and not divorced and they kept right in dating them it was gender flipped: the married person was the woman, and the guy knew she was “separated” but not divorced. But she did actually follow through on the divorce, so “lucky” for him, I guess. They’re both completely nuts, and cruel assholes, so whatever, they deserve each other.

You’re probably just noticing it when women do it because you’re attracted to women and aren’t interested in men.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-23T09:06:37+00:00

So the phenomenon you observe is married men having affairs, and you somehow think this negatively affects the dating market for single men, WHILE you are dating/fucking those same women who ALSO go for affairs with married men? Those women who apparently want pre-selected men are also dating you, a man who is not pre-selected. Are you not making their live seem more exciting?

I knew it always existed but it seems more rampant than ever.

But does it come at the cost of single men, or are there just more women having affairs, or fewer women having more affairs, or your observations being biased because of a streak of 3-4 women who showed this behavior, or was it always like that but you just didn't know or the women didn't tell?

SerpentCypher · 2024-03-24T08:40:55+00:00

My long term gf of 5 years left me to be the side chick of a married man.

Taken men have always been more attractive to women. Preselection is a thing. And there have been studies showing women find pictures of the exact same man MORE attractive when he is pictured in close proximity to a girlfriend or wife.

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-03-25T16:53:01+00:00

This phenomenon can be attributed to psychology.

These women most likely fear commitment, or do not feel emotionally ready to be in a meaningful relationship with an emotionally available man. They've put a ceiling on far they can go w one, so a married man is seen as a safe option, because a single woman can never truly advance in a relationship w a taken man. It's all a self fulfilling profecy.

Also, there's a phenomena called the dry well theory. This could also apply

apresonly · 2024-03-26T15:40:10+00:00

like 40% of dating app users are married men

Icy-Neighborhood6963 · 2024-04-07T22:46:08+00:00

I think there's two categories here.

Category one is women who always go for married men as a pattern and usually there are underlying emotional issues. Not being able to get close to people. Maybe self-centredness. Issues around validation etc.

Category two is the ones who just happen to like a married man. It's easy to judge but sometimes you can not control your feelings. Often this will be someone they consider a friend, colleague. There is no intention to to do anything but they just get close. A genuine connection then forms. They try to avoid it and boom. If it doesn't get physical it does get emotional. This category might also just feel like being rebellious.

I don't think most women are the former. Most are the latter.

HolidayInvestigator9 · 2024-03-22T23:09:17+00:00

as soon as i start a new relationship its like women come out of the woodwork to start giving me attention and flirt with me. its like they can smell the pussy of another woman on me.

i know people say its confidence or whatever but literally none of my behavior changes

Schmurby · 2024-03-22T23:19:18+00:00

Married men know how to fuck. What else do you need to know?

Devilishz3 · 2024-03-22T23:23:03+00:00

It's just pre selection. If it's worse now it's only because dating and finding people who are serious is even harder than before. As a niche there are some women who get off on being chosen over the taken woman. It also exists sometimes when multiple women are competing for you when single. She'll leave you soon after proving her point though.

thedarkracer · 2024-03-23T00:36:50+00:00

Yup, this is called pre selection bias or mate copying.

Total_Hospital_6013 · 2024-03-23T07:49:15+00:00

Ironically they both prove, and falsify their claim to be "husband material"

grimbasement · 2024-03-22T21:32:33+00:00

Finally something that I hope is true on PPD. Of course I'm married and have consent to date other women so... I'll say it hasn't been too easy to hook up been trying for a while now... But then I'ma busy guy and relatively happily married.

SteveSan82 · 2024-03-22T22:19:02+00:00

Women want what other woman want.

AreOut · 2024-03-22T23:15:38+00:00

Women like drama, more news at 11.

Puzzleheaded_Iron_85 · 2024-03-23T03:05:16+00:00

Tbh it's because most women lack self respect, low self esteem, lack of a strong male influence, and they know he has something cuz a women married him.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-03-22T21:55:03+00:00

and you think this is new somehow because?

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2024-03-23T01:42:10+00:00

I think some women are drawn to married men because another woman has already selected him beforehand. He's been selected but previously. Previously selected. I wonder if there's a word to describe this phenomenon.

scwizard · 2024-03-23T03:14:37+00:00

I'm legitimately not sure what women want out of the men they're dating. Like if you really don't want someone to get you pregnant why are you fucking with them?

shonenhikada · 2024-03-23T03:28:46+00:00

There is something called GIRL APPROVAL and MATE COPYING. Both are mating strategies present in women in which they want men that other woman want. This is why you don't even need to be married to notice a sharp uptick in women wanting u after you are attached with a semi-good looking girl or above. Hell, some PUA would often pretend to be married men in order to game women.

Lastly, this same strategy is also why women tend to avoid men who are chronically single or who get rejected in venues from other women. For example, if you are in a party and girls around u see that you are rejected by another girl then big chance that the rest of girls there won't want u.

thumpsky · 2024-03-23T15:23:48+00:00

Women are guided by social proof

Goodgoy6969 · 2024-03-23T00:35:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CountMandrake · 2024-03-22T23:57:22+00:00

Competition, insecurity and, of course, the fact that taken men have to have something going on for them in order to be taken already.

Not proud of it actually but I was engaged to a very gorgeous woman years ago and during the last two years our sexlife took a hard blow and I ended up in a deadbedroom, we grew resentfull and I started looking around...

It wasn't hard to find women to cheat with, since I'm fairly attractive, but what got me the most was that most women didn't feel taken aback by the fack that I was in a LTR, on contrary, they kinda got off on the fact that they were "stealing" a man from a good looking woman.

Not that I really cared about what they thought, but I would use it to my advantage and tease them a bit, and they indulged in pretty much any sexual fantasy I had just to feel they were somehow better than my partner.

I noticed also a huge difference when I didn't wore the engagement ring VS when I did.

Men never notice the ring, both in other men and women, the relationship status of random people it's basically unimportant to us.

Women always notice it, at first glance. The first time you met, as soon as you approach to her, she already saw the ring on your hand by a mile. Even if you're ugly, she already saw your ring.

And in this day and age, when men do not propose anymore and marriage rates are at all times low, a good looking, married man is like a unicorn to women.

That's the sad reality.

Wearing a ring is basically like toying around with some Ferrari keys, it's like a damn magnet to women.

As a matter of fact, I tried stop using it because I got too much attention, opposed to when I didn't, but my ex-fiancee told me that was a red flag, and that only "cheaters" wouldn't wear their engagement rings. Oh well...

Basically, it's the best way to find women down to cheat. You don't need to approach women this way, they make room for themselves and find a way to introduce themselves to you.

Once a random woman start talking to you, you just asume she down to, because 100% sure she saw your ring already.

Yeah, there are women out there who are screwed up, but hey so was I.

At the end, the modern dating market is kinda "winner takes it all" oriented.

If you have one good looking woman, chances are you can have two, or three.

Title	The phenomena of single women dating married men
Author	Goodgoy6969
Upvotes	74
Comments	194
Date	March 22, 2024 7:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bl8jku/the_phenomena_of_single_women_dating_married_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-phenomena-of-single-women-dating-married-men.1513116 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513116

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