It's important to distinguish between looking for a relationship vs looking for a hookup

guys_rock · 2024-07-05T20:58:47+00:00

In my experience, all of my searches for an LTR using the apps end up in casual sex on the 1st-3rd date.

And when I just want causal sex (very rare), I basically act the same way. I show off my sense of humor, ask them out, and then I'm flirty on the first date instead of making it a job interview.

So to me there's not much difference. I think a lot of the complaints in this sub are more "I can't get a single women to go on a date with me". These men are touch deprived so it's going to seem like they just want to fuck, but they probably want an LTR more than anything else.

AidsVictim · 2024-07-05T22:13:54+00:00

People actively looking for a one nighter are a relatively smallish minority. Most people are just looking for someone attractive which may or may not turn into an actual relationship. And most discussions here are about the latter.

GridReXX · 2024-07-05T15:53:38+00:00

Most of the guys here seem to complain primarily about not being able to have casual sex and hookups at the same rate as men who are more good looking than him, more personable and sociable than him, more outgoing and party-going than him, or more swaggy than him. If he doesn’t possess any of the qualities nor do any of the things that facilitate the charged environment needed for hetero casual hookups, why would he think he’s going to be having casual hookups? It’s a delusional logic.

I do wonder if there’s a contingent of guys who desire, actively pursue, and have casual sex/hookups with women, while also preferring a woman “for a relationship” who has not engaged casual sex/hookups 🤔. That sounds pretty undisciplined, gratuitous, unscrupulous, and audacious to me.

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-07-05T22:13:38+00:00

There are no long term relationships in a world where divorce court exists.

DarayRaven · 2024-07-05T16:09:05+00:00

Those aren't mutually exclusive at least to me

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-07-05T16:52:47+00:00

To a degree, but it is a struggle for men to get either for the same reasons most women have the same high requirements for both whether it’s a hook-up or a relationship.

balenciaghoe · 2024-07-05T15:43:02+00:00

my question is what makes someone girlfriend/boyfriend material and what makes someone just a hookup?

i know people are going to say “just don’t be easy” (as a woman) there’s times where i give a dude a chance and don’t even show them my sexual side and all they want is a hookup so clearly that doesn’t work either 😂

Westernation · 2024-07-05T19:23:06+00:00

Fair enough. I think there’s an enormous grey area, though. Particularly with women who try to parlay hookups into relationships.

Mr_4country_wide · 2024-07-05T20:30:14+00:00

I mean red pill very clearly distinguishes between these. thats what AFBB is

ThorLives · 2024-07-05T22:03:56+00:00

Your question didn't matter because it's not particularly easier to get one versus the other.

Although it is generally harder for a man to find someone that he wants to date seriously than to find someone that he wants to hookup with, because: men enjoy sex and can have sex with women that he doesn't necessarily want to spend tons of time with, and because men will often be willing to sleep with less attractive women that he doesn't find attractive enough to want a long term relationship with.

Basically, men's standards for a hookup are lower in both the personality and looks categories. This can make hookups slightly easier but only because he's lowering his standards.

Funstands4Funger · 2024-07-06T00:51:25+00:00

I’ve always thought it was a pretty simple dynamic in that men have an easier to time getting married and women have an easier time having flings and short term relationships. Both of those lead to sex but each of them poses more of a significant risk to the gender who has an easier time getting to that point which is why it’s easier. Am I wrong in my thinking?

Intrepid-Rip-2280 · 2024-07-06T13:18:43+00:00

It's even more important for the receiving side. I'm not even trying looking for relationships anymore, I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and prostitutes from time to time.

holdingonfortommorow · 2024-07-06T19:27:46+00:00

Most people are looking for hookups these days and not dating.

purplish_possum · 2024-07-05T15:48:09+00:00

Nah. A guy goes on a date -- things can lead nowhere -- things can lead to a hookup -- things can lead to a relationship.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-05T16:44:32+00:00

The thing is: the dudes want both but either can’t tell l/ don’t understand/ just don’t get IT at all.

It’s like explaining offense vs defense to a person who has never played soccer before. “Wait, you mean I can’t just run around and kick the ball whenever?!”

qunamax · 2024-07-05T16:44:12+00:00

Honestly I'm rather oblivious to hookups and why people do it. Sure, there are uninnended hookups, but why would you want on purpose to have one single introductory sex act with a stranger, even worse, with a condom - you guys are seriously having fun with a condom? Isn't it a lot better to have more than one time sex with someone so you have time to explore all kinds of nasty stuff in bed and get to know the person enough not to have to use a condom?

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-07-05T17:27:22+00:00

I try to be careful with that and be explicit about what I’m talking about.

But with most guys who are struggling to get one or the other or both, usually it’s the initial attraction that is lacking. The same qualities and behaviors lead to success in obtaining both. There are maybe only tweaks in certain aspects of presentation.

Only after a committed relationship starts does a distinct set of skills come into play.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-07-05T16:33:50+00:00

Men here seem to think that if a woman doesn't want to sleep with right away (ie hook up) and want casual sex they aren't doing well in dating or wildly unattractive. At the same time same men will talk about how low value and ran through and dirty women who want to have casual sex are? And how they are essentially worthless as partners and will not ever find love because they are dirty and no man wants someone who would engage in sex. And they will die alone with cats because they will sleep with someone they find wildly attractive but will wait for a relationship with a guy they like.

So they essentially want a virgin girl who will sleep with them right away but only casually instead of investing long term and that is how they determine how well they do in dating.

I think casual sex and sexuality is a lot more nuanced and grey.... But that's too logical.

Downtown_Cat_1173 · 2024-07-05T17:57:21+00:00

Redpill assumes that hookups are bad for women because body count lowers your SMV, and relationships are bad for men because reasons. They assume that men and women have traditionally been at cross purposes over this which is degenerate and gross. They also dislike women who choose hookups but also condemn men who have committed relationships as simps.

Basically, they believe that the only acceptable relationship is one where men use and discard women and where women are worse off for it.

Gee, wonder why they’re all single and bitter?

boom-wham-slam · 2024-07-05T17:32:33+00:00

Hookup. I don't get along with them but they make my pp hard.

Relationship. I do get along with them and they make my pp hard.

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-07-05T19:40:20+00:00

Op, Nope. There are only two types of women: Those striving to be with one man for the rest of her life (aka marriage) and those who are not.

Your "gf", or a woman not striving to be with one man for the rest of her life will leave you at the drop of a dime, or until a better man comes along. Period.

operation-spot · 2024-07-05T17:51:37+00:00

Not the stated question but when I’m on dating apps and I see a man say looking for long term, open to short I just think he considers himself too ugly to just say that he wants a hookup. I don’t swipe on people who have short term in their profile in general but being unconfident is also another turn off in my opinion.

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throwaway_alt_slo · 2024-07-07T08:59:49+00:00

This. Vast majority of guys can't get casual sex AT ALL but they could get a woman that would settle down with and provide other aspects to compensate for a lack of attraction. To me thats fundamentally different and in one case the ego gets really satisfied and in other shattered

McTitty3000 · 2024-07-05T17:06:51+00:00

I've been able to have both and it's really not as different in terms of the discussion as you're making it seem lol

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-07-06T02:50:02+00:00

News flash, 99% of men would say yes to a hookup if it was guaranteed to not be some kind of setup or scam and did not carry risk of catching an STD. This has nothing to do with what they're "looking for".

"Looking for" a hookup is something that only women do.

Demasii · 2024-07-05T15:42:22+00:00

I assume hookup unless stated otherwise.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-07-05T15:38:58+00:00

It's not, the only difference between a LTR and a friendship is sex.

As a man would you want to be in a relationship with someone that would never be willing to hookup with you?

SaBahRub · 2024-07-05T16:35:29+00:00

It’s important to confuse the two in order have a better chance of getting sex/winning an argument

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Pizzashillsmom · 2024-07-05T19:47:29+00:00

I'm opposed to hookup culture alltogether.

Contrapuntobrowniano · 2024-07-06T00:55:13+00:00

I really wish people knew sexuality isn't a monolith, and there are more than two options with regards to "what i want" in a relationship... But that's way too advanced for most people here.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-07-05T15:43:08+00:00

I want both. I want hookups like I'm doing now, and then to find a virgin to marry when it's out of my system

Title	It's important to distinguish between looking for a relationship vs looking for a hookup
Author	Own-Opportunity4100
Upvotes	71
Comments	364
Date	July 5, 2024 3:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dw0u8n/its_important_to_distinguish_between_looking_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/its-important-to-distinguish-between-looking-for-a.1523359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523359

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