Is it true that women give sex to have love? That the end goal for women is emotional bonding, not any sort of physical fulfillment?

throwawaylessons103 · 2024-12-23T14:18:19+00:00

I think tons of women are open to physical stuff outside of a serious relationship.

The problem is, most men really aren’t offering that much to make that experience worth it for them.

Your average man isn’t hot enough to get women based on looks alone. Social skills are deteriorating for both genders, so most men don’t have the charisma to make up for it. There’s less 3rd spaces to socialize, so it’s harder for average men to “get their foot in the door” to build desire.

Casual sex is usually not that great for women. Many men don’t give oral long enough (or skilled enough) to make a woman orgasm. Most women don’t orgasm via PIV. Many men don’t really know how to warm a woman up, and get her horny via foreplay.

I’m not saying women are much better, but the reality is men orgasm way easier. The risk-reward is in a man’s favor.

Then you’re factoring in danger/safety risks, which if the woman doesn’t know you will often cause some pause. Which often means if she’s going to throw caution to the wind, it’ll either be for a guy she finds attractive and knows well (vetted) or the scorching hot guy she can’t resist.

_weedkiller_ · 2024-12-23T13:54:36+00:00

Women don’t “give” sex, they have sex. Women have sex so they can experience sexual pleasure and cum (although sex can be good without that part too).

As a woman I have sex with other women purely for pleasure, and they are doing the same thing. Not necessarily looking for love. I personally don’t have time for a LTR right now.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-12-23T14:24:06+00:00

Women don't "give sex". It's not like a reward system. You were a good boy have one sex now. Like it doesn't work like that. We aren't dangling sex like some carrot or motivator. And if someone is that's having sex for all the wrong reasons.

We have sex. We make a conscious decision to have sex. Because this person is hot. Or the mood is right. We are horny what have you. We like this person a lot and we want to do this. Sex is just that sex. It could be with someone you love a lot and you want to have a passionate experience with them. It could be a ONS and you had a few drinks and feeling ballsy. It's not some kind of credit we give. It's a decision we decide to make.

EulenWatcher · 2024-12-23T14:01:18+00:00

I’m demi. Without emotional bond there’s no sexual attraction whatsoever, so the idea of kissing or having sex with a stranger is utterly disgusting to me. Physical intimacy with my partner is very enjoyable though. I crave touch, kisses and sex from my husband both for emotional bonding and physical fulfillment.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-12-23T15:37:52+00:00

For some women, sure. Other women are perfectly fine engaging in casual sex without wanting an emotional bond or a relationship with the person they're sleeping with.

ThatBitchA · 2024-12-23T15:12:20+00:00

Women HAVE sex. It's not given. 🙄🙄🙄

Each woman is different and wants different things. Some women value emotional connection before sex. Some women want physical fulfillment (casual sex) when single. Some women want a mix of both.

Ill-Pineapple9818 · 2024-12-23T15:05:19+00:00

Personally I need the emotional bond first and then the physical desire comes from that. It doesn't mean I don't want the physical intimacy but that I need the emotional one first

toasterchild · 2024-12-23T15:17:41+00:00

I find I am not interested in sex with most attractive men but I do not think that makes me demisexual. I do not need to have a deep emotional bond in order to want sex. I just need to find something about the guy's personality to also be attractive. I desire sex with people I like not with attractive meat sacks.

lvoncreek · 2024-12-23T17:43:20+00:00

Sex is not something women "give"

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-12-23T14:32:24+00:00

Women have a body part solely designed for sexual pleasure. Does that sound like women wouldn't use it?

HappyCat79 · 2024-12-23T15:08:58+00:00

Everybody is different, and things can change based on individual circumstances.

Elliejq88 · 2024-12-23T15:30:36+00:00

If I want actual good sex, I must sleep with a guy who cares about me and doesn't view me as a masterbatory tool.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-12-23T17:01:03+00:00

Nope.

y2kjanelle · 2024-12-23T19:28:35+00:00

I do think women value emotional connection significantlyyyy more than men. But that doesn’t mean they don’t like sex or getting physical. Many just prefer those things in a relationship because casual sex is a turn off. If casual sex is respectful, sexy, and women get something out of it like an actual orgasm and pleasure, I think many women don’t mind it while single. But they do ultimately prefer a relationship in my experience.

The marketing for casual sex for women is so beyond poor too….

Mentathiel · 2024-12-23T21:51:10+00:00

As everyone's said, women don't give sex, they have sex.

About 10% of women are sociosexual aka promiscuous and very casual about it. So there are definitely some women that are looking for physicality.

Imo sex is much more dangerous for women biologically, socially, psychologically. Biologically, you can get pregnant, which is expensive both evolutionarily speaking and in most modern situations. Socially, it's ostracized to be promiscuous as a woman and might affect your prospects. Psychologically, you're shamed for your desire, told it's your job to please, pushed into a performative sex role where you try to be eye candy, in some fundamentalist communities denied sex ed, etc. and it can all be overwhelming and traumatic. Since we often perceive it as dangerous, we're more afraid/anxious, and most people do not get turned on by that. That's why we need to get to know you until we're convinced you won't do something fucked up before we can relax and allow our dumb horny brains to work.

Tldr yes we're looking for love, but it's not that we don't care about physicality, it just doesn't outweigh the downsides for us to chase it blindly. And love and understanding, aside from being nice, tends to provide some measure of safety.

ExcitementLow4699 · 2024-12-23T14:59:21+00:00

Women are all different. Some only want to make love with a man they love, some can have sex with complete strangers purely for physical pleasure, some desire a combination of the two. These things can change, as well.

When I was younger, I didn’t have any issues having sex with strangers, and a LOT of them. I was just horny and wanted to fuck, and I enjoyed experiencing new partners. I didn’t necessarily feel a lot of physical attraction to the majority of them. I very rarely had the opportunity to have loving, intimate sex. Eventually, that got old, and I fell in love and settled down.

Presently, after having been with my husband for a literal decade, I struggle to imagine being with other men. They would seem so foreign to me, whereas my husband just feels like home. We know how to please each other just right, and we continue to explore together. I am extremely attracted to him, to the point where if he’s walking around shirtless, I’m completely unable to focus. I want to touch and kiss him all the time… Sometimes we fuck out of raw sexual attraction and lust, other times we do it slow and romantically and intimately, and still other times, one kind of sex blends into another. It’s all wonderful.

ohdiddly · 2024-12-23T15:55:03+00:00

This is like asking women if they truly love the colour blue. Everyone likes different things.

Oli_love90 · 2024-12-23T17:19:33+00:00

I’m not into anything with an attractive stranger I don’t know this man! Lol. I’d argue that is it is about physical fulfillment but in different ways.

Personally, I think women who don’t mind casual sex would be averse because of the likelihood the sex is bad. Bad sex is a waste of time and effort to reach absolutely no physical fulfillment. If good looks=automatic orgasms, maybe an attractive stranger would be ideal, but they don’t. (Of course there’s so many other risks but for now, I’m honing in on only bad sex)

Women who crave long term wouldn’t like casual sex because there’s no connection and therefore no physical fulfillment. Why would I seek out being treated like a masturbation aide instead of truly making fulfilling, exciting love just because a guy is attractive?

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-12-23T14:36:30+00:00

at our core every human wants to feel loved, cherished, valued. never used. it's too easy to be "used" for sex as a woman in this world.

anyway whether women gain physical pleasure from sex or not, really depends on a variety of factors

leosandlattes · 2024-12-23T14:42:36+00:00

The only time a woman “gives” sex is when she is the type to view sex as a bargaining chip and reward for a man. He must do something extraordinary for her, make her feel special every time, and she gives him sex. And that’s not for love, it’s because she sees it as a proper exchange.

Other women just have sex because they enjoy it with their bf/husband, or they enjoy sex for what it is outside of a romantic context. I think most people struggle to separate love from sex though.

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AnonPinkLady · 2024-12-23T17:45:18+00:00

If I wanted solely love and didn't enjoy sex, I would identify as asexual and openly seek an asexual romantic relationship. While said identity isn't super common, ace people exist and many still want a romantic relationship with commitment and closeness and all the lovey dovey stuff, they just don't enjoy sex. But I do want sex. Plain and simple. I have a strong sex drive, enjoy sex thoroughly, actively initiate frequently with my partner, enjoy equally the eroticism of pleasuring him and experiencing pleasure towards my own body. I get hot tingly in my body when I so much as hug him, kiss him, smell his deodorant and natural musk. The sex is enthusiastic and passionate. I'm a woman and I love sex. My sexuality and romantic feelings are strongly linked and I generally do not feel these kinds of impulses and desires for strangers. I barely notice other people's sexual appeal upon first meeting them, my sexual arousal grows with time, comfort, and familiarity. But once I feel ready, I am an eager partner sexually. There are women who want sex upfront, there are women who like me, are super into sex but need a certain sense of safety, bonding and security to feel fully comfortable doing so.

S0yslut · 2024-12-23T18:09:33+00:00

I don’t think most women are Demi but I could never picture myself having sex with someone I did not have a deep emotional connection with. Most of my friends were the same. But I wasn’t blind to the world around me everyone else was having ONS.. Sex before they even got to know the man.. I’m too sensitive to have sex with someone who doesn’t love me.

I also don’t like the phrase give sex so I’m hopping on that bandwagon. I enjoy sex, with one person we both mutually want to have sex with each other. It’s not something I exchange for his love lol. If I actually felt like it was me “giving” or “exchanging” sex for something that would be a toxic relationship dynamic.

2024-12-23T18:26:27+00:00

They don't give sex, but rather it's an experience they share with a man, or woman.

What you're asking really depends on the woman. There are many women who have sex, thinking they'll earn love and affection from a man. There are many women who want sex and no love, and there are also women who want sex because they are in love with the person they want sex with.

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2024-12-23T21:06:59+00:00

We're not a monolith FFS

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-12-23T21:16:26+00:00

when they're drunk

ZoneLow6872 · 2024-12-23T23:06:29+00:00

Wow, do I feel sorry for your partners.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2024-12-23T23:09:41+00:00

You do understand that not all women are the same, right?

Werevulvi · 2024-12-24T02:28:14+00:00

Well I think you're kinda right but also wrong. It's not that I can't possibly enjoy sex for the sake of the physical, it's that it can only ever be half as good as sex with an emotional bond. Kinda like... eating food that hasn't been spiced at all, or drinking coffee or tea that's gone cold, or watching a movie with a stranger, etc. Like, not awful, but not nearly as great as it could be.

Most things that I enjoy doing together with another person, be it sexual or otherwise, is just a lot better if the person I'm doing it with is someone I know well, can trust and have some kinda emotional connection with.

And I would kinda assume most men would probably be able to relate to that, to some extent at least. But I get that maybe in regards to sexuality, maybe I just need a lot more things to "be right" for sex to feel worth it altogether, because there's just so much that can go wromg in sex, as a woman. Like pregnancy, pain, higher risk of std's, uti's, getting assaulted, getting a whore reputation, etc. And if I'm gonna put myself at such risk, the guy better be someone I really damn care about. Otherwise... I'll be by my lonesome with my vibrator.

So basically, it's just weighing risk vs reward, and with a stranger, the risk factor is much higher than the reward, but if it's a guy I can trust and feel a connection with, then the reward factor outweighs the risk.

But of course I can feel physical pleasure from sex. It's just that it's very delicate. The slightest wrong move can cause harm instead. So I need to be very careful whose hands I wanna put my body in. Also I'm much smaller and physically weaker than most men, and that makes me careful about which men I choose to be vulnerable with. I don't think most men are dangerous, but how can I know any individual man isnt, unless I know him personally, and have seen proof that he values me as a person? I don't wanna be used for sex. I want sex to be a physical expression of love.

I can't speak for all women, but I do think this is not an uncommon mindset to have about sex, for women. The risk factor being generally higher for me, is also kinda universally true for all women, even though there are surely some who don't really care about that.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-12-24T05:27:37+00:00

I'm into the physical stuff but I'm also a weirdo.

griz3lda · 2024-12-24T06:36:18+00:00

Sort of. If I have sex with my partner it's for emotional intimacy. But the vehicle of that intimacy is by letting them have access to my unbridled horniness.

AnySwimming2309 · 2024-12-23T13:59:23+00:00

Men are incapable of love and smart women know that a man is only in your life as long as it's rewarding for him to use you, sexually or financially or as domestic labor. They may trade sex for other transactional benefits, knowing that any connection with a man is purely transactional on the man's side. Naive women imagine that a man is capable of love and will try to use sex to obtain it, or they really just want sex. It's stupid to have any emotional bond with a man, so seek out the best sex you can find and don't get attached. Once women wise up, they know this

mashedturnip · 2024-12-23T15:55:37+00:00

So you’ve never attempted to give a woman an orgasm, is that what you’re saying ?

Title	Is it true that women give sex to have love? That the end goal for women is emotional bonding, not any sort of physical fulfillment?
Author	Final-Source-1569
Upvotes	28
Comments	240
Date	December 23, 2024 1:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hko1th/is_it_true_that_women_give_sex_to_have_love_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-true-that-women-give-sex-to-have-love-that.1539304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539304

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