After years of lurking here, after all the lessons I've learned, I want it all gone.
Most of what is said here is true.
My LTR shows me the most affection when I hold frame. The times where I lost frame, when I showed my insecurities, were the times where she suddenly didn't want to be with me.
Dread game works wonders. I have more control over my current relationship than I know what to do with.
My girl is basically a subservient, though this is partly due to her nature (perhaps most asian girls are like this). She cooks, she cleans, we fuck when I want to fuck, we go out when I want to go out, if I ever put my foot down, that's the end of it.
But this isn't what I wanted. I'm a beta at heart.
When I was young, people would talk about soul mates as if it were a real thing, and I, in turn, believed it. I would fantasize about how I was going to meet her. What she was like. How nice it would be to have someone who's perfect for you in every way. Basically a disney fantasy on steroids.
It's still what I want.
I don't put pussy on a pedestal, I put the concept of a unicorn on a pedestal.
I want a woman who will love me for me, who will keep loving me if were to lose everything, if I stopped making her feel secure, if I stopped giving her the tinglies, if I lost frame.
Sometimes I want to chase the unicorn. To prove you all wrong. To show you it exists.
Sometimes I wish I never swallowed the red pill.
I want blissful ignorance. I want my fantasy back.