Getting married

Dontgetmarriedever · 2022-12-27T20:02:56+00:00

Don’t do it dude!! Don’t fucking do it. She will take everything from you. Including the kids you have with her.

MrEricCartman · 2022-12-27T17:38:09+00:00

Please do not get married without the absolute bare minimum of a prenup in place. Not a cheap fire sale prenup from a subpar divorce attorney who downloaded it off the internet. You have to actually spend a decent amount of money for a good one that's enforceable

I'm also sensing that you don't entirely even want to get married, but you're going along with it because of the pressure from your gf. I can't tell you how incredibly difficult and stressful your life is going to become in the event both of you decide to divorce. You're going to be completely fiscally wiped out and best of luck to you when you're trying to rebuild savings and retirement when you're middle-aged.

I would suggest only having a girlfriend and never getting married. In the event you want kids then just have a baby mama where the worst that can possibly happen to you is only child support. You won't have to worry about liquidating your assets and paying off the divorce attorneys and giving half of assets to an ex-wife. Divorce is a leading cause for suicide for a very real reason.

I apologize for this giant wall of text, but what I'm strongly urging to you is to break off the engagement and do not get ever married. The laws have been so warped from when your great-grandparents got married till now that it's not even remotely the same thing that people nostalgically look back on.

COnewbie719 · 2022-12-27T17:17:26+00:00

Just to emphasize the important: pre-marital assets remain pre-marital assets... but if you make a contribution towards them while married - they become co-mingled.

ta182829318182 · 2022-12-27T19:16:41+00:00

I think you pretty much answered your own concern.. don't get married if she won't sign prenup.. explain to her your fears and what happened (I am sure she knows by now).. and that you just can't go forward without that feeling of safety. I am not sure if you are saying you have millions.. but if you do.. 100000000% prenup. Period. Also. MAKE DAMN SURE that it is not some 50% unfair bullshit. Have a lawyer look it over and then.. especially if you have the money.. have a 2nd lawyer look it over.

Period. Nothing else to do.

Does that mean if she leaves you/cheats on you.. or you decide you're not staying married.. kids or not.. that she should get nothing. Nope. She will have to do like every other human being in society who is not married and lives on their own.. WORK. Now.. if AFTER you get married you spend YOUR money on a home.. she gets half of that value. Period. Thus.. think LONG AND HARD about buying a home with your money.

IF you already own a home.. make sure it is part of prenup. You bought it.. its yours.. along with money.. before marriage.

But for all that is mighty.. read lots of stuff here and other forums like this.. it is a solid shit show if you get divorced.. worse if she is not working and quadruple worse if you have kids too. You WILL get reamed hard core.

Personally.. I would make sure she is working.. kids or no kids.. unless you are insecure and worried she'll find a better guy or cheat. Then I kinda understand that desire to have her at home.. not out galivanting around meeting people, etc.. though if that is the situation you have other problems to deal with. :).

Again.. LOCK that money/value up BEFORE you tie the knot. She MUST sign or she's not the right one. Make it VERY clear that AFTER marriage.. a car.. kid care, etc would of course be provided if shit dont work out.

Any money you earn from the money you lock up in a prenup I believe counts as income so that would add to your "yearly" income that would be used to figure out alimony and child support should it be a few years down the road and you have some kids. I suspect there is a way to hide some of that though.. but I don't know.

Substantial_Week3298 · 2022-12-27T18:21:14+00:00

How many of us remember being just as dumb as this Original Poster? Go read my story and get your head out of your ass. I was tossed out of my pre marital home by a fake DV, she wanted no visitation for me although I raised the kids while she worked for cash under the table. I found out after I was tossed out, that the evil bitch had two previous divorces on her record plus the pig had a criminal record. I never knew any of this until the Private Investigator I hired informed me. She falsely claimed the kids didn't want to see me anymore, complete parental alienation tactics. Bugged my car, my phones, my computers and wire tapped my kids school backpacks. I hired the best father's rights attorneys, 3 custody experts and went to World War 3 and completely demolished the fat slob bitch. I kept everything and got custody as The experts and the courts absolutely hate when mothers commit parental alienation. Cost me a million in my attorney fees and 4 years of litagation. In the end, I won but was it worth it? I just don't know.. Would I marry again? Not for a billion dollars I mean it!!

Data_Fan · 2022-12-27T17:43:26+00:00

Simplest thing is to reverse the script. Instead of saying marriage is for love and divorce the business of resolving a marital contract, say the opposite.

You are entering a contract with an individual. All your interests must be represented accurately and fairly for it to be a successful business. After that, best wishes, and if you are in the 50% who get divorced, it will be for love, because you are likely to get forked.

If you pretend you are not entering a business contract with your partner, you will regret it.

Classic_Dill · 2022-12-27T17:05:41+00:00

Prenup or no marriage! simple, what does she care if you keep your stuff in a possible divorce? if she doesn't want a prenup? what she is saying, is she wants a payout when she leaves. Her attitude is garbage, pass and move on, she will be trouble for you.

Prenup, or you walk.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-27T16:08:32+00:00

> I never plan on divorcing

Said everyone of us when we got married. If you were jumping out of a plane and had more than a 50% chance your parachute wouldn't open, you wouldn't do it. You aren't gonna beat the odds. You aren't a unicorn.

The only way to protect yourself is to completely understand female nature and act accordingly. Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

Marriage is a good idea; it’s how we execute it today that makes it one of the worst prospects imaginable for men. Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract.

georeddit2018 · 2022-12-27T15:26:50+00:00

"She doesn't believe in prenup". Yikes. She knows what's up. The divorce is planned before the wedding.

georeddit2018 · 2022-12-27T15:22:41+00:00

Listen to me Bro. The woman you marry now will change and you will see the true version of her later. Also you don't know what your partner is capable of until when they don't need you and after breakup.

Its your life, but if you gonna be married, protect yourself and tell her you will need prenup. You have a personal experience regarding your parent relationship. Be wise Bro.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-27T15:17:58+00:00

What you need to do is listen to that little voice in the back of your head. You already know what the right thing to do is just man up and go to your partner and voice it out. We don't have to make mature manly decisions 24 hour of every day but when time comes you need to step up and say and do what you think it's right. You posted in this sub for a reason, you already knew the answers you would get so walk up to partner and say hell no I am not getting married and sign a bad contract as long as you are my partner I will full fill my man duties the minute that you are not my partner you get to take care of yourself.

Munkingly · 2022-12-27T14:38:33+00:00

Good luck

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-12-27T13:51:42+00:00

Insist on a prenuptial agreement. She's going to say you don't trust her, and that's not the case. You don't trust future her and vows are worth dogshit. Shit will happen in the coming years -- mainly boring life stuff-- and suddenly her feelings will take over and a divorce will happen whether you want it to or not.

You should say the fact you don't want a prenuptial agreement makes me think you're already planning an out.

You can have an iron-clad prenuptial agreement that holds up written for you. And there are ways to phase it so that she's not left high and dry. Like, if your marriage lasts 10 years, she gets X.

Ebon13 · 2022-12-27T12:40:42+00:00

Pre-nup, Pre-nup, Pre-nup!!!

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-12-27T11:25:34+00:00

A marriage is a contract between two people who are inferior parties to the state.

She’s already applying pressure tactics to get what she wants. Unless you think she is dumb as a post, she knows right well that she can pull the lever for cash and prizes at any time, for any reason.

Or she could just start serially cheating on you, possibly to your face, because she will know it’ll be financially devastating to you. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to find a hovel in the same town with enough space to share 50/50 custody in, assuming the judge allows it.

ThePsychologist_wah · 2022-12-27T10:38:49+00:00

In this group are joined mostly divorced men so guess the advice .. In this case i don’t think you should marry but im afraid that your parents story will affect you in a way you will never be sure to marry someone and this will always be clearly evident by your partner (now or in the future) and no one wants someone insecure by their side and then as a consequence these pressures will begin or they will leave you or you can find a girl that you can happily cohabitate together

S4z3r4c · 2022-12-27T09:12:14+00:00

Don't fucking do it...

EvidencePlz · 2022-12-27T09:03:53+00:00

Only an incredibly stupid, braindead man with zero self-worth will marry or cohabit with a woman these days.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself: "Am I stupid?"

If the answer is yes, go ahead and marry.

If the answer is no, then dump that cunt pronto and find another way to satisfy your sexual urges.

Thanks to modern science and technology there are plenty of legal, cheaper and safer ways of satisfying your sexual urges. DM me and we can talk about it in-depth.

P.S. the prenup and your lawyers will do fuck all for you.

Zardozki · 2022-12-27T07:34:01+00:00

You sound as dumb as I did. Don’t do it.

jeko21 · 2022-12-27T06:55:37+00:00

I got you, just hear me out!

1 DO NOT GET MARRIED.

You can have a family and kids without getting married, if she really loves you and wants to be with you, she will understand and accept the terms.

2 see #1

All jokes aside, I wouldn’t get married, it’s just not worth it.

zippyweinstein · 2022-12-27T00:38:31+00:00

If you’re going to get married, you need to do a prenup. Practically speaking, she’s not having kids unless you’re married. If she’s raising them and. not working, she needs financial security. That’s fair isn’t it? So if you don’t want to give 1/2 away plus alimony, the only way is a prenup. Done correctly with lawyers, they’re almost always enforceable. I’m not talking about prenups where you keep everything. There’s a BIG range between 0-50. It’ll hold up if it’s within that range if you use lawyers. If she knows she’s getting less of yours, it also incentivizes her to work when she’s not raising kids from the get go.

Why do you need lawyers? Because then they know what they’re signing, and what they’re giving up, and the lawyer is a witness to them voluntarily signing it. They’ve discussed it. A lawyer will quit if they think it’s coerced.

Now if you’re too scared to bring up a prenup, that’s a red flag. It’s also red flag if she reacts angrily. This is a test of her “love.” The angrier she is, the bigger the red flag. The bigger the red flag, the more you need a prenup, or to not get married at all.

SII75 · 2022-12-27T04:53:24+00:00

Get a prenup. End of story. You have a lesson right in front from your dad. Don’t be stupid or idealistic and get a prenup.

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-12-27T04:41:36+00:00

I was 29 when my ex-wife pulled the same “no prenup and let’s get married” stunt.

Fast forward 15 years later, here is the finale to my marriage: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/u4mi6m/not_guilty/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Read it and then either decide to have a similar outcome and the family court slaughterhouse or you bail today off of that girl. Son, do not make the same mistake as those that came before you.

Ever-learning271 · 2022-12-27T03:56:56+00:00

I was married 22years, with her 27…loved her dearly & treated her just shy of a queen (I’m not rich); she gave me a son 12 years ago and became a different person 5 years ago…cheated, moved out and took 1/2 of everything….nothing I could do about it! If you aren’t ready, don’t marry …if you do, this is the absolute risk! Good luck❤️‍🩹

hikeruntravellive · 2022-12-27T03:06:35+00:00

The good news is you have found this sub before getting married. I wish I had. It would’ve saved me a lot of misery! No one gets married planning for divorce yet here we all are.

Don’t make the same mistake that we did. You already know the consequences. Like I said you’re lucky you found this sub before making a huge mistake. Learn from our mistakes. Its cheaper!!

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-12-27T03:03:23+00:00

Don’t let her steal your sperm while you’re sleeping. Find someone else to impregnate. Bro, you are screwed [we know you won’t listen]. Condolences in advance 💐

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-12-27T02:45:10+00:00

Nowadays women see “the proposal” as a weak-ass move, a dumb error that men are prepared to make for access to the holy vagina, a paradoxical failure of the man who ought to have insisted on him being enough without the government approved prenup (the marriage contract) which ironically she would love to sign.

OP, I am married going on 17 years and I would give my right arm to get half the woman I proposed to. She is a hateful, cruel, but patient demoniac intent on bringing me to my knees and fleecing me of every penny and strength.

Brother, don’t you do it!

Honestly , she has shown her hand and it would be better for you to get completely rid of her—no relationship with her. I promise you she is not your friend. Find someone else who would love to have a stable relationship without marriage contract.

She already sees herself as a “winner” in the struggle of your life and KNOWS that you are oblivious of the real stakes.

A sad commentary of the status quo.

roypdx · 2022-12-27T02:01:53+00:00

Don't do it. Just don't. Listen to those on this forum that have made the mistake. Listen to them and not your own insecurities about women. She's not the prize you think she is. Enjoy being together without a contract with the state that gives her half your shit in 10 years when she falls out of love.

SnooDucks2052 · 2022-12-27T01:50:40+00:00

I suggest you tell her you wanna wait and develop the relationship more. I bet you see a side of her you never seen.

pharmd718 · 2022-12-27T01:33:33+00:00

A prenup is like a life vest when you go down a fast moving river in a canoe! If you must get married (only get married if you want kids) than please listen to the men who have experience and insist on one

pharmd718 · 2022-12-27T01:30:47+00:00

When I was engaged I proposed a prenup as my net worth was much higher than hers. She was offended and refused to sign. I was going to marry her without a prenup, but found out she was cheating and ended the engagement. Second woman I was engaged to I insisted on a prenup. She had no choice as there would be no wedding without one. 10 years later the marriage ends. I get to keep all my assets. You need to have the prenup drawn by a professional family attorney. If done right there is no way she can contest it. Prenups work!

henrysmyagent · 2022-12-27T01:07:36+00:00

Jesus, dude?! You have seen closeup and personally what happens when one party to a contract is incentivized to break the contract no matter the harm to the other party.

It's no wonder so many marriage end in acrimonious divorce. The real question is why don't even more women leave since they are rewarded with cash and prizes when the do!

Your girlfriend is pushing for marriage, and no prenuptial contract, because she needs the force of government to cuck you so hard it takes you decades to to recover.

Dude, remember your father and vow to NEVER let that happen to you.

No marriage without a pre-nup. If she balks, it is because she plans on divore-raping you.

DO NOT MARRY HER.

Theedon · 2022-12-27T01:04:36+00:00

Don't do it. Love Her like there is no tomorrow but what ever you do, do not get married.

Time-Cardiologist618 · 2022-12-27T00:55:02+00:00

You got to be smart on how you structure things. I had millions gave my ex wife like $400k because I was smart at structuring. Now I have a kid with another woman and I don’t stay with them nor marry her

Specialist-Holiday61 · 2022-12-27T00:49:46+00:00

Let's not think emotionally, let's do this logically

What do you gain from making your relationship recognized by the state as opposed to a non legalized union?
If this union were to end, would you be better off or would she?
She doesn't do prenups? As someone who has everything to gain, I bet she doesn't.
Ask yourself: are you getting married because there are benefits to you that otherwise you couldn't get or are you getting married because she wants to get married?

I know men whose lives were destroyed by no fault of their own because they married their now, ex wife.

Example: woman divorced truck driver. Moved the new dude in the home that truck driver paid for. Truck drivers life is now the concrete and sees half his paycheck leave for child support and FUCKING ALIMONY. Imagine that.

My advice: she loves.you now, but it's not fair for her to gain so much to leave you. Unless she is coming in this with equal or more money and wants to work, DO NOT GET MARRIED. YOUVE BEEN WARNED

seaourfreed · 2022-12-27T00:48:22+00:00

You can propose first. But make sure it enters a state that NO date is set yet.
Then give her a prenup to sign. She needs an attorney.
This "she doesn't believe in a prenup" is just her wanting to take half of your money when the divorce happens.
Be very clear along that you aren't ready for a "date to be set" on the wedding. Don't do that until you get the prenup sign. However, don't verablize this explicitly to her. I believe that my invalidate the prenup.
She is likely to have her attorney try to negotiate for changes so she receives tons in the prenup. Just have your attorney send back without accepting those changes.
She will try to race to set a date for the wedding. Say "you aren't ready yet" for a date to be set. Don't say explicitly it is because of the prenup. She will figure it out.

The war of attrition is then against her. Everything dragging out is to your advantage. Don't set a date until the prenup is signed, and you aren't giving unjust amounts to her in it.

ConnectionPuzzled402 · 2022-12-27T00:38:24+00:00

Have fun with her as long as you can but if she's saying she doesn't believe in a prenup I would I suggest you look elsewhere.

Boomer70770 · 2022-12-27T00:38:10+00:00

I fucked up when I said, "it's cool if we do t share the responsibilities. I'll pick up the slack."

You're a partner.

You're NOT a provider.

ConnectionPuzzled402 · 2022-12-27T00:36:43+00:00

No normal person plans on divorcing.

Love-Pineapple-Pizza · 2022-12-27T00:26:53+00:00

Look into prenup at the very least and protect every asset of yours. Don't shy away because you feel awkward bringing it up. If she makes a big deal about it I'd prob take a step back and reevaluate. Also if you have kids, you will have child support to deal with regardless.

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2022-12-27T00:21:11+00:00

Go see a divorce lawyer first, but here is what i would do in the mean time. Keep your finances separate, house, cars, etc. make sure whatever you have now is clearly yours property, belongings, small business, 401k etc.

Put “in case of divorce” money into a joint account every paycheck. This is money she gets to walk away with in case of divorce in place of anything else such as alimony.

If she doesn’t have an education, require her to get one whole being SAHM in case shit ever goes south and she is needed to work. Can be part time or whatever but don’t let it be that she ends up a divorced mom with no earnings potential. If she has any special certs or something, keep them up to date.

Do your part to raise kids as well and take care of your home.

Check your state for fucked up divorce laws.

Do the math, what is she putting on hold or sacrificing to be a stay at home mom. What does that look like in 5, 10, 15 years. Thats what you will owe her if you divorce. Also if you ever think you need divorce, fix it or get out. You should set clear rules, boundaries and expectations for what you want from marriage. What can you and can you not up with?

No sex for years? A wife who becomes morbidly obese? A drunk or drug addict? Physical/mental abuse? Do you need me time? Personal space? What if she makes u choose her or friends? Her or family? How will financial decisions be made? How will you feel if shes excessively spending? How will you budget? Will she have a say in how you spend money? Will she resent you if you dont listen, or if she doesnt have her own money?

How do u fix things when shes really off track?

thrownaway41422 · 2022-12-27T00:16:12+00:00

Women go into marriage thinking they'll be able to change her husband. Men go into marriage thinking their wives will never chsnge.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2022-12-27T00:04:43+00:00

It’s just like in a zombie movie where the guy with a decent existence decides to rescue some pathetic creature on the side of the road ? You know how the movie ends …..

keep your shit separated always
get a prenup . It’s non negotiable just like seatbelts and condoms
always remember the bugger will come for you when you’re least expecting it / are down .
make sure you know where stuff is - yours . Hers . Stay curious that way if something changes / goes strange at least you have a chance / warning.

Do that and while the consequences will still be horrifying in terms of heartbreak , costs , hassle and pain at least they won’t be catastrophic 50%

External_Hippo · 2022-12-27T00:03:49+00:00

You have serious one itis shes 29 so she knows her times up you on the other hand your journey has begun. If she pressured you into marriage more the reason you shouldn't marry her.Whats next she gonna baby trap you.Pls for the love of god don't marry her don't be another victim of divorce.If you wanna marry move to a country where no fault divorce doesn't exist and live there and don't comeback.

markleman · 2022-12-26T23:48:59+00:00

If you’re here, theres doubt, of youre already looking into divorce laws for your state, you’re not ready. Dont let it get to the point where everything is paid for before bringing this up lol

thewhiskey_zulu · 2022-12-26T23:41:55+00:00

I've never been married, so dudes, if you feel it appropriate down, vote me so low I'm chilling in the 9th level of hell with Satan. But this is what I always said when a woman I was with suggested marriage. "I love you more than the moon and the stars. I'll gladly be with you in front of both our families and God. But if my dad's could raise me and my brother without any legal contract, we can do it too. " Watch how fast her attitude changes and how mad she gets.

21YearsofHell · 2022-12-26T23:30:11+00:00

Hedge Fund Managers take 20% of the fund’s profits, 2% of the assets

Private Equity take 20% of the profits, 2% of the assets

Venture Capital take 20% of the profits, 2% of the assets

Divorce Wives take 50% of the profits, AND 50% of the original assets, sometimes more.

Who are the amateurs in this comparison?

I’m mentoring a very smart hardworking beautiful young woman. I feel like I might not be giving her the best advice if I tell her to go into finance…

1Cobbler · 2022-12-26T22:52:34+00:00

The whole unfair pre-nup thing is ridiculous. I know they often get struck down but if she didn't like the terms then, she shouldn't have signed it.

If you really want to get married (don't), then speak to an attorney and see what a realistic defendable pre-nup looks like. It's probably something like 50/50 assets/kids, no alimony, child support, whatever the state thinks based on whether 50/50 isn't feasible for custody.

You can probably shift the split one way or the other based on your current career trajectories. If you're on good 6 figures and she works at hooters a 65/35 split in your favor is probably reasonable.

Talk to a good lawyer, they'll know how to navigate them.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2022-12-26T22:44:15+00:00

I feel like this is a troll post.

Buuuuuutttt just in case it's not and OP you're as naive as you come across, here's my 2 cents:

I never plan on divorcing or anything like that. I love her.

No one marries with the "plan" to divorce down the road. Divorce is not a matter of chugging down skittles, even the most amicable is shit. You're breaking up with someone who you planned to spend your life with.

Like what if one day she realizes she can have millions by just leaving me?

That's a possibility you choose to accept by marrying someone. Welcome to no fault divorce.

She won’t be working during our marriage, she’ll be raising out future kids.

You guys decided this from the beginning? What if she resents you after 2 kids, she has to stay home and look after them while you go out work but she sees as you "having your life", career etc. What if you come home and see a mess and you resent her for not cleaning the house even though "she is sitting at home all day"?

Also to be clear, you guys decided for her to be SAHM, but you're also worried she might realize one day and take you for half... You see the irony in that?

I got a ton of pressure from my girlfriend to propose so after some thinking I did, so now we’re getting married next fall.

This right here is your biggest mistake. You are clearly not ready for marriage, you yourself say so. Yet because you're worried about losing this girl, and ending up alone, you proposed to her. Let me guess you are also planning an elaborate wedding, and you might very well go under debt to finance it?

I’m looking at prenups and it seems they only hold up 50% of the time based on being unfair. I don’t think it’s fair that most women pressure men into getting married when they’re not ready yet. She has stated she doesn’t believe in prenup, what if I can’t get her to sign? I mainly want to protect my investment and retirement accounts as that’s where most of my net worth will be.

This exact is why prenups might not work. Pre nup is a contract. For a contract to be valid, it has to: be legal, signed without duress, and apart from having offer and acceptance, has to have consideration for both parties involved. There is nothing stopping her from saying in future, oh he made me sign it. People lie. Or a judge thinks you were being unfair and took advantage of her financially. Boom there goes your prenup out of the water.

Think this logically, she pressured you for marriage, you are not ready, she WANTS to be a SAHM, and she says she doesn't believe in pre nups. Does that not look like huge financial red flags to you?

Pre nups are exactly that, pre-nuptials. They usually protect your stuff before marriage (which most location do as default anyways). Retirement accounts my bro, are marital property as far as I know. My hr said I can't remove my STBXW as beneficiary even though we are separated and divorcing. They say you're either legally married or you are not. There is no gray area.

I want to protect myself, my fiancé, and our future children. I know this falls on me, not my fiancé.

Wrong. This doesn't fall on you alone. Don't get sucked into this stupid vortex where a man has to bend over backwards to provide for family by himself. That's old school. They are your kids combined. You both have equal responsibilities.

So I need book recommendations, should I open a trust, should I even bother with a prenup?

You want recommendations? Don't get married. You are not ready. If she wants to leave you, so be it. She is not the right one for you then. Get a pre nup, get a lawyer and have them explain exactly what you are getting into.

I wish there was someone who knocked this sense into me when I got married.

desert_tortise_82 · 2022-12-26T22:42:55+00:00

Like many on here I agree with their views. My biggest issue is that she pressured you into marriage. As someone who was pressured, while I eventually got into the marriage I always felt off. Now being divorced I know now that I was not ready. You need to evaluate yourself with her clearly. Is someone who pressures you into things she wants someone you want to share your life with? Love blinds us all to some truths that we may not see. Look at things and asses them clearly. It can save you years of heartache in end.

Gattsama · 2022-12-26T22:41:58+00:00

If you love her and want children you can do that. Just do not sign the legal contract with the state and don't live in a common law state. If she says no, we most have the contract to be a couple or have kids; then terminate the relationship. Understand there is no way to protect yourself.

Prenups get thrown out all the time, the most common reason is because ethey are unfair or signed under duress or coercion. What counts as coercion, well saying I will not marry you unless you sign 😏 That's enough to get it thrown out.

The marriage contract is not a contract between you and your wife. It's a contract between you and the state. It is in fact a prenup. It outlines how the divorce will proceed and how the assets, children,etc are to be split. And comes with the full force and enforcement of the USA government behind it.

Have the ceremony, exchange rings, make the vows. Be monogamous. But do not sign the contract. It offers no benefit to the man (only risks) and lots of benefits to woman.

Aromatic_Boot3629 · 2022-12-26T22:31:08+00:00

Who's gonna tell him?

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-12-26T22:16:23+00:00

OP, talk to any married man about who his wife was when they met vs who she was when they divorced….they are NOT the same person. You can love your wife, do everything right by her, provide a good living, be a doting father and do loads of housework etc….but she can still cheat on you. If you truly want to protect your assets DONT GET MARRIED. It really is as simple as that. Marriage is nothing more than a legal contract with the state, one which does nothing for men. You can have a life partner, kids, love and happiness…all without signing any papers.

xjeeperx · 2022-12-26T22:14:31+00:00

If she wants to be with you and raise your kids, she doesn’t need a marriage certificate to do it. Agreeing to be monogamous, living together, devoting time and energy to a partnership to make it work are the basics of marriage. You should, if you haven’t already, explain to her your feelings about marriage and why you have them (her reaction will likely tell you everything you need to know from that point) and just tell her that you’re good with wearing rings, and all of the commitments you’ve already made to one another, but you don’t need the government to enforce your commitment because the system is terribly broken.

Malaine1 · 2022-12-26T21:49:33+00:00

Everything in life is a risk, marriage is no different but can cost you huge. A lot of what the men on here are saying is true, the women we marry change over time.. could be years, decades, but they do. Isn’t that with everything/everyone though?

In my opinion what you should do is get a prenup if you are set in divorce. This will assist with financial concerns. Anyway, my divorce was not rough… well mentally it was more tough than financially.

Marriage is tough. It’s a lot of work, and doesn’t necessarily always result in your vision/outcome happening. If you’re reading this.. if nothing else.. protect yourself however you can if you feel like marriage is that important.

occoptionplaya · 2022-12-26T21:40:43+00:00

Don't do it!!! Dont!!! You'll remember this sub and our advice a few years from now. Since you likely will NOT listen to us and take the plunge anyway:

1) Do not combine any bank accounts or assets, keep everything in your name only. 2) create a joint bank account where you equally contribute, or at least very similarly contribute every month. 3) do not let her become a stay at home mom. Never! Part time maybe, but full stay at home status you are basically hanging yourself.

Good luck. Marriage in 2022 is stupid and is meant to provide financial security to the weaker party. You can still be committed and have children without getting fucked by church and state.

coffeefrog92 · 2022-12-26T21:34:27+00:00

I'm a Christian, so I find my views very hard to reconcile with my religion, but I would not recommend marriage to any man I loved unless we underwent some kind of radical cultural shift.

You have everything to lose, and she has everything to gain. The high probability is that you're going to find yourself in a position of intense resentment and regret. That's a horrible thing to say, but I'll stand by that.

2022-12-26T21:30:26+00:00

It's a frigging trap. Fool. Don't do it. There's no way to protect yourself from divorce rpe in USA.

Shitpostradamus · 2022-12-26T21:22:01+00:00

Where do we start, boys?

OP, every single one of us in this sub loved our wives more than anything. We also thought they loved us as well, and for some of us, they probably did. But they all changed during the marriage. For some of us, the changes were almost immediate, once they got that ring. For others of us, the changes took years or decades. But our wives all became something different than what we married.

Don’t get married man. But you’re going to anyway, because “she loves me and I love her and our love is different than everyone else’s.” We all thought that too. Good luck

FineTransition96 · 2022-12-26T21:16:10+00:00

Duuude, you know exactly what needs to be done. I loved my wife more than anything in the world, I trusted her completely. 13 years later she successfully pressured me into having two kids, she was SAHM, I wad busting my ass - now she is a different person, I literally don't know her anymore.

Taking me to the cleaners, no sense of loyalty or fairness, just "not happy anymore". I would give anything to just have the oportunity to cut her lose retroactively...

Title	Getting married
Author	Stormseekingwarrior
Upvotes	14
Comments	132
Date	December 26, 2022 9:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zvwwco/getting_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/getting-married.1145683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145683

Comments

1 DO NOT GET MARRIED.

2 see #1