Filter questions

Struggleis4real · 2021-07-05T08:42:30+00:00

I am now obligated to ask the “Are you actually single or legally bound to anyone?” question after an LVM tried to blame his CHEATING onto me (“You should have asked! 🥴“). No scrote, your dumbass got caught.

opeitschristine · 2021-07-05T04:55:18+00:00

I ask what’s their top five favorite vegetables.

You might laugh, but I’ve been in too many relationships where I realized wayyyy too late that this person doesn’t take care of themselves physically and it usually goes hand in hand with mentally too. If a guy can tell me his favorite vegetables without much hassle, I at least can assume that he (probably) knows how to cook a little bit and that he doesn’t live on fast food. Guys that live on fast food, besides the obvious health problems, are usually pretty bad with finances too.

Yes, it’s a lot to assume from a somewhat dumb question, and it’s not always gonna work, BUT!! It at least gives me an idea of who to keep talking to and who to let go, especially in the early stages of talking to a lot of people.

sruslywhytho · 2021-07-05T06:06:16+00:00

Perhaps I'm too direct, but at this age I get straight to it... "Ever been to therapy?" "What are your thoughts about masculine vs feminine?" "What would you say you're passionate about?" "What are you looking for? / Why do you want to be in a relationship?"

I always ask with pure curiosity and no facial expressions/responses no matter what they say. I don't give my opinions until they share first and just listen and let them talk.

One guy told me that therapy was a last ditch effort to avoid divorce, feminine women are annoying (they expect too much and don't make him feel chased), he had no passions, and marriage would cure his insecurity about a medical procedure he desperately need to get but was avoiding because "it's something a wife would be forced to help him with but a girlfriend would find unsexy and leave him for".

When you just let them talk they tell you everything you need to know.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-07-05T12:57:46+00:00

One of mine was “Are you into any sports?” I’m not into sports, at all. Any guy who went on and on about them was a hard pass.

honumaluhia · 2021-07-05T03:04:38+00:00

Sooo.. what type of porn do you watch? *said with a light-hearted laugh and smile*

Frogspocket · 2021-07-05T01:58:39+00:00

Another favorite of mine is to ask which family member he's closest with and why and/or which parent he's closest with and why. In my experience that tends to draw out so much information along with any lingering misogyny

Talktothecat1 · 2021-07-05T08:42:21+00:00

This post and comments are handbook material x

starlight_sequence · 2021-07-05T04:12:23+00:00

You have to be careful about how you phrase this because it can come across as overly interview-style or judgmental, but I like to ask them about the last book they read, and then what was the last book they read that was written by a woman.

kimmlevin · 2021-07-05T04:35:08+00:00

Ask them how they prefer to spend their weekends. If you have that in common you’ll probably fit into each other lives pretty well.

Ask how/when they prefer to exercise. Follow up with why you get them to open up with their reasons (values).

Squeakendorf · 2021-07-05T04:31:00+00:00

I’ve found that their opinion on pets says a lot about them. If they’re really into dogs but hate cats for some reason along the lines of “dogs are loyal and happy to see me but cats have boundaries that they enforce,” they’re probably huge assholes

Dazzling_Grass1727 · 2021-07-05T01:56:43+00:00

If they can't answer what their favourite music is or their favourite artists are red flags themselves.

If they ask me where I live or what's my story.

I never think about asking about the company they keep, maybe about their friends in school or at work, etc.

If the person can't even introduce themselves it's a huge red flag. Or they wait for people to come to them.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-07-06T02:49:53+00:00

I personally like to stay quiet at the beginning and let them lead the convo. It's very interesting to see what they choose to do with it. Of course, after a while, I'll show my personality a bit too, but there is no reason to give anyone information they haven't given you.

THCAlien · 2021-07-05T15:04:38+00:00

Any question that could make a narcassists mask slip for one second or finding a way to trigger them. Keep guiding the conversation back to them and ask lots of questions dont give out much info about yourself that they can use to love bomb you. Listen for phrases that indicate grandiose thinking such as " all my co workers suck at their job they would be lost if I wasnt there to save them."

"I love music and have been playing as a child. My teachers said I would be a music prodigy and no one has an ear for music like me."

Any kind of shit talking about a "crazy" ex I usually like to ask how long they have been single and most times they cant hold back ex drama.

Ask what their fave movies/pod casts are. Any mentions of Joe Rogan should be a huge red flag movies with violence against women are another huge red flag.

Ask what politics are most important to them and ask which politician they look up to. Try not to give away which side you're on before asking this question I usually try to pretend to be neutral and not interested in politics to let them fully tell on themselves.

Ask them what their fave type of porn is. If they jump in to talking about it take that as a red flag.

mamadgaf · 2021-07-05T04:07:53+00:00

I’m recently divorced and in my 40’s, so there’s a few things I make sure of. Foremost I make sure they’re legally available (either a divorce that’s final or never married). I also make sure they’re capable of a long term relationship. I would prefer a divorced man over someone never married (I know first hand shit can happen in a marriage outside of your control).

Here’s a recent example. I was talking to a guy I met through OLD. He said he had an 18 year-old son and was divorced. I asked when he got divorced and he said 6 years ago (I also like to make sure that they didn’t JUST get a the divorce a month or so ago). I asked how long he had been married and he said 10 MONTHS!!! So the woman who is his son’s mom he never married and I asked why and he said she didn’t want to get married (I added “to him” to that sentence). Then he said he had “4 or 5 girlfriends” in the last six years. Red flag city. This guy clearly is a terrible partner if the mother of his child wouldn’t marry him, he couldn’t make a marriage last a YEAR, and he’s been through “4 or 5” relationships in 6 years (and the fact that he didn’t know how many meant that he sees women as things and not people).

One guy gave a great qualifying question: how long is your longest relationship? This is good for all ages and an acceptable answer will vary depending on age. Obviously a 24 year-old isn’t going to have a 10-year long relationship, but someone in their 40’s (especially if they have kids) should.

ETA: the example I have of the divorced guy who couldn’t maintain a LTR shows the importance of continuing to ask questions because he 100% allowed me to assume that the woman he married was the mother of his son. He was honest when I asked more questions, but don’t think he doesn’t know this makes him look bad. He will also use that honesty to say something like “I was honest, I told you when you asked” when he intentionally didn’t clarify on his own.

Also, I understand that shit happens. That’s how I ended up divorced. It was a shock to me and everyone in our families and friends circle. People said we seemed like the “perfect couple,” yet he cheated on me and was abusive for the majority of our marriage (if not all and prior, it definitely got worse the longer we were married). And I’ve done a lot of work on myself to get to a healthy place so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes in future relationships and so I can be a good partner. I expect the same of my future partner. I will not take on a project - there’s a difference between supporting someone through a difficult situation and fixing them.

IndigoTR · 2021-07-06T03:30:47+00:00

Not so much questions as making shady statements like “wow you have a lot of female friends”! And see how he responds. Sometimes they get super defensive and will start insinuating you’re jealous or clingy without you saying anything more than that. A favorite is “I can’t be with a woman who can’t accept I have female friends” 😂 I clearly said nothing about accepting it, was literally just a harmless observation. But they tell on themselves.

I tend to do it in a light hearted way like I’m almost being sarcastic and it catches them off guard.

theterminatress · 2021-07-05T14:09:12+00:00

Hell I’m loner and I have tons of friends. I just don’t see them all the time. Lol.

I ask about exercise and fitness, what they do to keep themselves at the top of their game. I like talking about that stuff and I do it, so I feel comfortable bringing that up. That conversation tends to cover diet, fitness, substance and mental health areas. If I notice a guy is uncomfortable I’m gonna take that as a sign that he either isn’t working to be on his game or doesn’t like women who do, which is all I need to know.

If I go on more dates I’m asking about things like porn and nonmonogamy and BDSM since none of these are compatible with me.

Truthfully I often filter men by offering them the chance to participate in a physical activity with me at which I have some competence. 99% of the time they will make excuses, cancel or not show up.

BadPlaceAlmondMilk · 2021-07-05T12:21:53+00:00

What they think about libertarianism, and what hole they think girls pee out of 😬 obviously not phrased so bluntly as that but in this house we require critical thinking skills and a basic understanding of the female anatomy.

The bar is in hell

europoor24 · 2021-07-05T07:31:54+00:00

There's probably a political question you can ask to see if you'd match, to see if you're both left leaning or vice versa. That seems important since it shows what you value

randomgirl34861 · 2021-07-09T05:36:48+00:00

Side note: I’ve found that a lot of quality men in the 25-30 age range may not have a life full of friendship. A lot of their friends aren’t that accessible, considering this age range is generally after college and friends scatter. If he has relocated for a job, then there’s a good chance he many have no local friends. I see this as a potential good thing because he’s willing to put aside his comfort for an opportunity for professional development and financial stability.

When men level up, they start expecting real emotional support to be a part of their friendships. They realize that other men saying whatever man, she’s a bitch, let’s drink until you forget her and we’ll find you a new girl to bang is not emotional support. They also become more aware of problematic or predatory attitudes or behaviors their friends have and may decide not to continue the friendship. They may pick up more healthy hobbies only to be made fun of by friends and decide not to let guys like that drag them down anymore. When men become more self-aware and ready for real commitment, along the way they may realize many of their “friendships” were not friendships at all.

HVM are so rare that finding them as friends is almost as difficult to find them as dates. A HVM would rather keep to himself than spend his time with losers.

(Not saying it’s good to have no friends, but I wouldn’t use that as a definite weed out question. If a man has never had friends, doesn’t want friends, you notice unhealthy patterns that lead to ends of his friendships, or someone feels off then move on.)

As a lot of you queens have figured out…. Leveling up can be lonely 🥲

imtryingtotryhere · 2021-07-06T13:45:55+00:00

I tend not to ask too many questions. I just make some comment or observation and men almost always jump in with their opinion lol.

planethoneyy · 2021-07-06T04:31:31+00:00

Ask how they feel about holidays. All my exes sucked at gifting, celebrating, and remembering important dates like my birthday or anniversaries and they were important to me.

Protoetype · 2021-07-05T11:40:29+00:00

I'm a female loner, I keep everyone at a very far arms length including my female friends. Social interaction is work to me and this isn't because I'm shy. People think I'm an extrovert and envy my "ease" in social situations. I just genuinely don't give a shit about a lot of social norms while keeping in mind which broken ones will get me in a lot of trouble. As a result I ask lots of invasive questions to damn near strangers nearly every time I'm in a social situation.

There is literally no question you can't ask, fear stops you. People love to talk about themselves and it's a delight to them when you pull almost any question right out of your ass. Men especially.

I am swimming in dick because I am not reserved. I'll tell you right now that the best men are the ones that women usually over look because they take things slow and steady. These are the men that I don't immediately dismiss because they aim to please and be of value to the woman. Getting sex is also low on their list of priorities.

I understand that I may rub some women the wrong way but maybe take a little of my advice, I get high quality men that wait for sex and please me. Then I dump them because ultimately, I'm a loner. :\

Title	Filter questions
Author	Frogspocket
Upvotes	339
Comments	100
Date	July 5, 2021 1:49 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/odxi71/filter_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/filter-questions.789020 https://theredarchive.com/post/789020

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