Causing arousal isn’t the same thing as causing happiness/enjoyment in a relationship

DancesWithMyr · 2023-05-04T16:05:28+00:00

If you can't cause arousal in your partner your sex life will suffer.

If your sex life suffers your relationship suffers.

Bada Bing bada boom.

DoinIt989 · 2023-05-04T15:05:25+00:00

Yes, it is. Women can literally get "dick drunk" is a guy makes her cum and looks good. LTRs always take work, but causing arousal makes things a lot easier.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-04T16:01:24+00:00

They are, however, very tied to each other. Couples with happier, healthier relationships are generally much more willing to have sex with each other. Good sex makes people much more likely to be happy in their relationships. If you're not happy in your relationship, your attraction to your partner is most likely gone, fading or never there in the first place.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-04T16:57:17+00:00

Okay I'm gonna try to cut to the heart of the issue.

What RP misses about BP is that we do not care how many panties drop in response to royal you being a shitty person. That's still a shitty person. There are ways to achieve both arousal and genuine relationship satisfaction without being shitty.

But then RP says "but women like thiiss." Take a walk down femdom TikTok if you really want to see people (mostly men) being aroused when they're told they're lower than dirt. There will always be people who respond positively, either in fantasy scenarios or in real life, to being treated poorly. That's on them. I'm not even going to try to psychoanalyze that.

The question is do you like being a shitty person. Yeah and for some dudes the answer is a resounding yes and they aren't going to lose a wink of sleep at night over it. And then we have men on the internet who sit around obviously not being comfortable with what they do and sitting around arguing with women on the internet to justify it.

Critical_Lettuce2899 · 2023-05-04T15:05:24+00:00

I think all pills should be taken in moderation. You don't want to be 100% RP or BP.

You need RP tactics like arousal to get and close dates, but need some BP skills to keep the relationship healthy.

IMO, a healthy dose would be 80% RP and 20% BP

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-05-04T17:14:35+00:00

Attraction (over the long-term) and relationship management are two almost orthogonal skillsets.

When a TRP guy says being a bad boy is a good idea, they’re not trying to be your husband or boyfriend, they’re probably looking for low-commitment sex.

No. They think that acting 'alfalfa' will cause a woman to become attracted to a man in the short-term and perhaps long-term. The notion is mostly false.

Red pill is largely concerned with causing arousal and visceral attraction, not a “happy relationship,” for better or for worse.

Attraction is a vital part of a happy relationship. The methods TRP "recommends" for conflict management are a bit dicey. But great sex will take any relationship pretty far --- probably further than it should, a lot of the time.

closedshop · 2023-05-05T05:46:54+00:00

You're right. Arousal is necessary, but not sufficient for a happy relationship. A car needs wheels, but you'd never buy a car just because it has wheels.

Orangematcha · 2023-05-04T17:05:12+00:00

The bad guy trope is dead. The only reason they’re the “bad boy” is because to the person that perceives them that way it’s their competition. So they are the “bad person” getting in their way of something that honestly wouldn’t happen anyways. But it’s someone to blame.

Arousal can happen in many ways. Instantaneous arousal is far few inches between then something more committed. To think that you could even arouse your partner every time you want to is asinine. There’s a lot of things going on when it does happen.

Now is there a reason why some people can arouse people better then others? Yeah. I’m sure they put a different type of effort that others don’t. I know I personally don’t put an extreme effort into it but I don’t expect someone else to come by and ruin my chances as some other guys that do because of low self esteem, etc.

OntheRiverBend · 2023-05-04T17:05:45+00:00

I agree with you. I am an African Canadian Woman age 33. I dated and have had various relationships with men Black, White, Mixed Race, Middle Eastern, Asian. One thing I learned is that the culture of Red Pill is just too toxic. I was in a relationship with a Man who was very financially well off, and very much subscribed into Red Pill culture. He felt that his professional status entitled him to certain behaviours. To be honest he was a covert Narcissist.

Although he was most certainly attracted to me, and I did cause him arousal. We ultimately had no business being together. I was strongly intrigued by him when we met. He was physically attractive, and highly intelligent. I admit, he seduced me. Our relationship was completely dysfunctional and lasted over a year. I endured a lot of emotional abuse. It was taking a toll on me mentally, and I was starting to feel sad. One of the worst break ups you could ever imagine. He didn't want to end things in an amicable manner.

cmvmania · 2023-05-04T15:56:18+00:00

Causing arousal isn’t the same thing as causing happiness/enjoyment in a relationship

But if you don't get laid then it don't mean anything too

ffandyy · 2023-05-05T02:29:29+00:00

Who said it was?? That would be a bizarre opinion to have

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-05-05T04:33:13+00:00

Husband's and boyfriend's never seem to get this. You can't chore your way into genuine desire.

jah-roole · 2023-05-05T09:26:56+00:00

I don’t know how to put it but first you should ignore pills because the majority of that shit is non sense in the way it’s presented (it’s trying to sell you common sense shit that you don’t get because you’re delusional ) and more gambling than anything else. Having said that, while arousal may not lead to long term happiness, I believe, it is the prerequisite for longevity. The variables involved are just too vast to make any real claim on literally anything. Follow the rule of being the best version of yourself to attract similar value individuals of opposite sex

JasenBorne · 2023-05-04T17:31:06+00:00

what do red pillers mean by 'bad boys'? like what are these lads doing that makes them bad?

idk man. i know the bad boys got the girls in highschool, the lads who skipped class and drank and smoked weed outside the gym, but when you get into adulthood being bad gets increasingly difficult because you have less authority figures to rebel against and there's obviously the expectation that you're ambitious and responsible and not selling drugs.

also if this is about 'low-commitment sex' as stated in the op, well how do women meet sexual flings: the bar and on dating apps? so how can you tell if one is a bad boy from one night in the club? he's the one with the tatts causing the bar fight? on apps i can't even imagine how one seems 'bad' on their profile without looking like a criminal. idk. i'm not a woman nor do i do dating apps, but i imagine this 'top 20' that all the women are swiping right for are more likely good-looking clean-shaven nerds, not Arthur Fonzarelli.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-04T18:29:11+00:00

Right....

But we know women show the most arousal and visceral attraction in happy relationships and really don't want casual sex.

Thus the arguing with it. You can't say you want genuine arousal and attraction, but not have a happy committed relationship and be talking about women.

That's exactly where their nonsense breaks down.

And that's fine. Admit they don't want mutually satisfying, mutually attracted sexual encounters with women. They want to use women like fuck-dolls and then lie to themselves about what it all meant. Which is wrong, and evil, and I don't support sexual assault artists.

Put another way: If you aren't looking to cause happiness, enjoyment, and a relationship with women, you also aren't looking to cause their arousal and genuine attraction. You'd like to cause your arousal and attraction. The problem is, your arousal and attraction are based on your ability to believe she was into you and enjoyed sex with you. And if you got casual sex, the chances she was are in the toilet.

bluestjuice · 2023-05-04T20:08:09+00:00

So I actually do agree with you to an extent, however I think a major spanner in the works is that the things that promote arousal and attraction in the short term are not necessarily the same things that promote arousal and attraction in the long term. Guys who are looking for LTR satisfaction really need a different strategy from guys who are looking for ONS satisfaction, but TRP purports to be an effective strategy for both contexts.

Lolabird2112 · 2023-05-04T15:18:12+00:00

It is taken into consideration. But at the same time these red faced guys are out there wanting to get their rocks off, they get pissy that they’re only attractive to a certain type of woman. A woman who isn’t interested, except perhaps for a free meal or a quick shag. So they shouldn’t object so much to being used and possibly manipulated.

It’s just a transaction. Add in the extra risks for women and the orgasm gap, and you see why women who will accept their proposal- such as it is- will likely need more than just a few minutes of him jabbing his penis at her to make it worth her while. This is what Red pills don’t understand.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-05-04T17:52:13+00:00

Red pill is largely concerned with causing arousal and visceral attraction, not a “happy relationship,” for better or for worse.

A new day, a new explanation of what red pill is really about.

When a TRP guy says being a bad boy is a good idea, they’re not trying to be your husband or boyfriend, they’re probably looking for low-commitment sex.

Okay, but they're still wrong. It's applying a child-like understanding of cause and effect to the incredibly complex and varying factors that make up arousal and attraction. They see bad boys (or rather, they select stereotypical attributes of bad boys) with girlfriends and assume it must be because women are attracted to bad boys.

I've had plenty of success, as have my friends, without having to treat women like shit or adopt some veneer of a "bad boy." It's just another excuse to blame women for their lack of dating success.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-05-04T19:33:05+00:00

Bad boys do pretty well. But female sexual arousal is 1000x more complex and subtle and diverse than RP people think. RP’s masculine ideals seem to derive from a bunch of basement dwellers watching too much porn and superhero flicks.

I agree completely that it’s very important to be able to get the woman wet that you’re seducing, or are in a LT relationship with. That’s like second priority, after appreciation of her humanity and autonomy. But the ridiculous formula that RP people believe arouses women is nothing better than dogma, or placebo. Sure, most women get wet for a man who’s not too soft, and who has a combination of self-control and primal chaos. But even that misses a lot.

meteorness123 · 2023-05-04T20:15:13+00:00

arousal is and will never be the foundation of a relationship.

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KayRay1994 · 2023-05-04T19:05:40+00:00

while you’re not wrong with your main premise (that these guys want low commitment sex, not a relationship) - the issue people have with TRP isn’t that these guys are looking for low commitment sex, the issue is more often than not it involves having low commitment sex at the expense of the other person - ie. manipulating them, messing with their self esteem, stringing them along and so on.

It also has a lot to do with TRP’s general treatment of women - the objectification, sweeping generalizations and the fact that it actively encourages men to look down at women.

Melodic_Meringue_506 · 2023-05-04T21:00:40+00:00

Neuroscience literacy would be important in understanding this. Arousal and happiness activate different parts of the brain. Sex causes all these feel good chemicals; dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins. Happiness from doing a good deed or having a positive environment is obviously different than the happiness from having good sex. Have you heard the Lonely Island song "I Just Had Sex"? Sex can cause happiness but it's not a long term happiness. Longer term happiness from being a good person means a person has more gamma waves in their brain. The happiest man alive is apparently a monk that has a lot of gamma wave activity in their brain.

Suspicious_File7570 · 2023-05-06T02:22:22+00:00

When you have a Happy relationship - meaning there is enjoyment and fulfillment from both parties which includes the barisis of an intimate and emotional connection, then visceral attraction most always follows

Title	Causing arousal isn’t the same thing as causing happiness/enjoyment in a relationship
Author	HmanTheChicken
Upvotes	72
Comments	174
Date	May 4, 2023 2:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/137ognq/causing_arousal_isnt_the_same_thing_as_causing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/causing-arousal-isnt-the-same-thing-as-causing.1217751 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217751

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