Do you actually lower sexual attraction when it comes to a guy you see as relationship material?

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-08-17T18:50:05+00:00

I think that it depends on the woman and her priorities. There are many women who highly value sexual attraction and its a must that their life partner must optimally sexually satisfy them. However, there are other women who are comfortable with sacrificing this to an extent if it means having a loving partner who checks all of the other boxes. It really depends on what matters the most to each person.

I don’t see what virgin women have to do with what you said. Can you clarify why you mentioned them?

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-08-17T18:57:28+00:00

Nope, sounds like a life of misery. Having a man has never been that important to the point of being with someone that’s sexually unattractive. That’s why a lot of women rather be single than settle for just anything.

HungryDepth5918 · 2025-08-18T04:05:39+00:00

Other way around. You marry the guy you have killer chemistry with. There is no one hotter than my husband imo.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-17T20:26:04+00:00

Here’s the thing:

Even IF all women chose the best sex she’s ever had to be in a relationship with, there’s no guarantee it would stay that way.

Desire is driven by many things other than just physical looks. Context, environment, novelty. You could feel passionate sparks with someone immediately, simply because you met them at the right place and right mood.

Even if you married “the best sex you ever had”, people gain weight, get health issues, have kids, have stress from jobs. Not to mention other incompatibility issues. And also just complacency, because it gets harder to maintain desire in a LTR. Part of novelty is mystery, harder to maintain in a relationship.

A lot of “the hottest men” I knew growing up dated only super hot chicks, then as we’re approaching 30 they’re with women more average. A lot of people begin to understand with age that looks are a depreciating asset, and having someone there for you through stress and death and the good and bad times has more value.

A lot of men here have maladaptive coping strategies, and I get it. You see certain types of people getting what you desire, and that sucks. I also date women, and while I don’t have the same struggles as men dating women I do understand that dating women means being accustomed to a lot of rejection.

One of the things everyone needs to realize is that people are self-serving, yourself included. People prioritize different things when they’re younger than when they’re older. It’s about their needs, it’s not about you. You have a right to reject those people or even to be resentful.

But often things that are attractive in your 20s can become unattractive in your 30s+. A 21 year old guy who goes out every weekend and drinks might be exciting, but at 35 is not so enticing of a LTR prospect. The musician at 22 will get a lot of female attention, but at 40 will be viewed as unstable.

Men here call it “betabuxx” and that’s fine. But often, men will view a woman choosing a man SOLELY based on physical/sexual attraction as “not settling” even if he’s a terrible romantic partner. Yet they WON’T view a woman choosing a man she’s very romantically compatible with as “not settling” if he’s not the BEST sex she’s ever had/most physically attracted she’s ever been. Even if he’s good, just not the absolute best.

This is an ego thing, and women do it too.

Werevulvi · 2025-08-17T23:35:11+00:00

No, I have way higher standards for men I see as relationship material, on all points. Like they've gotta be more attractive inside and out. If he just has an imperfect technique when ut comes to sex though, that's not really an issue for me. I mean anyone can improve their skills with more practice.

I don't do casual sex anymore, but back when I did, all I cared about was that they had dick. I was frequently wuth far below average men when it was just for sex. Because then I didn't need to care about his personality or even be all that attracted to his appearance. That we liked the same things in bed was pretty much my only standard.

But with relationships, if it's someone I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, he'd better be at least average, take good care of himself, be physically attractive to me, and have a stellar personality.

The men I was in long term relationships with in my past were closer to average, with way more to offer than just good dick.

That said though I still think the red pill still has a lot of good points. It's still harder for men to get any kinda relationships with women, traditional gender roles still make the most sense, and most women having ridiculously high standards is still not doing anyone any favors.

oppositegeneva · 2025-08-17T22:21:46+00:00

I assume the women that operate this way simply have a low sex drive, because I could never

My husband is the best I’ve ever been with. I’m obsessed with him.

I think it’s important to note I was only with one other man (highly experienced, habitual cheater) and my husband was a virgin when we first slept together.

toasterchild · 2025-08-17T21:36:42+00:00

This is such a good example of it's not always about you. If someone is keeping you at arms length its more than likely about them.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-08-18T17:33:14+00:00

I have no idea how those women do it.

My husband is the biggest, the best, and the hottest I’ve ever been with.

JadeGrapes · 2025-08-17T19:45:28+00:00

I think it would help you to know that social scientists have Identified hundreds of reasons why people have sex.

A LOT of them have NOTHING to do with being suddenly, randomly, horny and finding a nearby sexually attractive person so attractive that you fall into lust and bone them as soon as possible.

Women almost never experience that type of chain of events, because evolution has worked, and recklessly horny women get killed a lot. It's not safe to be all gas and no breaks.

Instead, women have brakes by default... until you know that bridge won't crumble under you, throwing you into the grave.

Once that woman's safety metrics are satisfied, sexuality is still complex as fuck.

People can have sex because they are bored, or to spite someone else, or trying to get over a fight, or just to end the date and go home, or to take one for the team, or to earn some groceries, or to sabotage a rival, or out of gratitude, or because they like to get did 2x a week rain-or-shine,

...or because they feel a deep emotional connection to their favorite person on the planet, which allows them to fully be present and relax so that two bodies can join into one flesh in a beautiful private celebration of love on all levels, until they are drunk on romantic love and could die happy.

Or because it's Friday, and they already have a sitter.

The ideal that sex ONLY happens with perfect attraction and is a ladder only the best can climb, is pretty limited and immature.

attendquoi · 2025-08-17T19:41:03+00:00

I think it's weird to obsess over being the best.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-08-17T18:53:42+00:00

Sex is a tiny part of the relationship and other aspects might matter more. He might not be the best in sex, but he might be the best in other aspects. Or is you sum up the "points" of all the relationship aspects and then derive an average, the total might be the best, even if sex is the weakest aspect and other people might have been better in the sex aspect, but due to other aspects being weaker, their average is lower that the guy with not the best sex.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-08-17T22:08:25+00:00

I don’t think they’d have to be the best, but if I don’t enjoy the sex, it’s not gonna work for me. I think if a guy was perfect in all aspects except for sexual compatibility, I’d see if he’s willing to accept feedback. If he’s open to trying new things, I’d probably give it a shot. Otherwise, it’s a no for me

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-08-17T23:49:53+00:00

I think that there needs to be a better line drawn between sexual attraction and sexual compatibility, because that it what the bulk of the post is actually about.

The thing is that even within a committed long term relationship sexual compatibility and sexual desire can ebb and flow. At the start of a relationship things typically tend to be at their best (not my experience, but mostly!) and that's in part due to nervousness and uncertainty heightening sexual feelings.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-08-17T20:08:28+00:00

I think the women who are more likely to compromise on sexual attraction bc they c a guy as relationship material do so bc

Women don't prioritize sex as much
Women understand a man's looks will eventually fade so probably a bad idea to put value/ decision power on a depreciating asset.

Picture a woman attracted to two men. A guy who is a 8 but useless or a liability Vs a guy who is a 6 but useful or a asset in nearly every other way

I think most women would choose the 6 over the 8 for LTR

Men and women both do this Many Men are more likely to pick a kind 6 over a bitchy or draining 8

The difference is that women have much lower labido and sex and looks is generally more important to men so more men would pick and keep a problematic 8 than women would pick and keep a problematic 8.

Not absolutes

Also a lot of TRP talking points are not necessarily wrong they are just extremely exaggerated to the point of being toxic and or stupid or just correct theoretically but unrealistic or they get the reasonings behind the decisions women make wrong.

Like focusing on a extremely niche or rare case and making it seem as if it's super common plus add in incorrect logic or dilemmas that almost never happen IRL.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-08-17T18:53:00+00:00

I cant understand this happening in at least western American post sexual revolution dating, this seems so foreign and alien to me. I never did it, no one of knew did it i never heard of it til like reddit 2010. are fat ugly reddit nerd women and foreigners unable to attract men for LTR s that theyre attracted to?

VenusNoire_ · 2025-08-17T19:05:32+00:00

No, attraction increases over time. There’s baseline attraction initially and then it’s supposed to increase.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-08-18T02:11:28+00:00

when I know I’m not their best

Bruh 🤦‍♀️

Most people don’t treat relationships like a leaderboard. Women can be happy with partners who aren’t the “best ever”, just like men. Compatibility and intimacy matter way more than some imaginary ranking

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YveisGrey · 2025-08-18T22:08:36+00:00

But if women pick men who are the best sex and these men dump them or are otherwise bad partners then what?

Everyone compromises in relationships. Are men marrying the most beautiful woman they ever saw? Should a woman refuse to marry a man who may have seen a more attractive woman than her self? Ever? 😂

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-08-19T06:57:46+00:00

No. Either I FEEL it or not. I will not suffer any duty sex for the sake of companionship. I need to be absolutely obsessed with him.

Flimsy_Software8105 · 2025-08-21T00:53:32+00:00

No. I can’t get into a relationship with someone I’m not sexually attracted to.

sablesalsa · 2025-08-18T02:02:16+00:00

No. I think sex is better when you know and trust the person. If a guy is relationship material, he's going to care about making sex good for me. Random fuckboys only care about themselves. Love is so much better than simple excitement.

Now I understand why men prefer virgin women

Gross.

Dying_God · 2025-08-18T14:46:03+00:00

Well, I mean, sexual chemistry, while important, is just one part of the equation. I try to maximise it where possible, but emotional chemistry, physical attraction, compatible life attitudes etc remain as if not more important. That has led to the following for myself: I have had two longterm relationships. With my first boyfriend there was high sexual attraction, very good and frequent sex, but we were not compatible in one fundamental area: he was vanilla and I was kinky, but we made it work. With my current relationship, there is still high physical attraction, frequent and good sex, even quite a lot of compatibility when it comes to kink, but even there it is technically not the best I've had as a lot of my kinks and ways of going about things do not match his own preferences, but we meet each other in the middle and given enough time, I'm sure that it will also end up being the best technically speaking, but that is still way less important than the fact that even if given the choice, he is the only one I want to keep having sex with, ideally a lifetime.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-08-17T19:05:20+00:00

I just do not think this way. Just don't. In my experience i can repeat that many times and it's just passes through men.

I had many hookups. Among those i had good sex, okay sex, and bad sex. And if you going to ask me out of good sex what was best i have no idea what to answer because i enjoyed them all. I'm not rating them, they are good in their own way.

For me to have good sex man's looks are not that important, his skills and personality more (not in meaning of hobby but more like charisma, easygoing, communication that sort of things, to set the mood and well communicate, feeling safe around him).

I definitely experienced increase of sexual attraction when i realized that i liked a guy's personality too. so i guess it's not like i'm lowering the bar but like he is rising there.

You sound insecure to be honest. And you put it out on women.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-08-18T04:03:37+00:00

When it comes to a guy I see as relationship material, I better be super fucking attracted to him. One might even say MORE attracted than with hookups. After all, I have to doink this guy regularly—why wouldn’t I want to have the hots for him.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-08-18T07:55:50+00:00

Im gonna answer this as someone who has been married for over a decade - sex shouldn't be the most important thing because as time goes on sex changes. My husband and I have a great sex life right now. We aim for 4-5 nights a week now. It hasn't always been that way, though. With kids, jobs, moving, illness, and life, you adapt and make it work. When I was diagnosed with a life altering disease and was in a wheelchair, we still had sex but it was different and, for sure, not the best. When we had a new baby and had to have a quickie in the laundry room because sick kids were in our bed and we just needed the endorphins and to feel close to each other that probably wasn't the best sex ever. Shower sex because frequent just because it was effecient and I'm sure i wasn't the most attractive with baby spit up in my hair and dark bags under my eyes 😂 but you learn about each other over time. We know what drives the other crazy now. It wasn't always like this, though. Sex evolves as your relationship evolves, and that has to be ok. You aren't with someone just for sex. You have to think of the long term when it comes to marriage.

Title	Do you actually lower sexual attraction when it comes to a guy you see as relationship material?
Author	winter_lover28
Upvotes	15
Comments	173
Date	August 17, 2025 6:38 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1msytdj/do_you_actually_lower_sexual_attraction_when_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-actually-lower-sexual-attraction-when-it.1559824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559824

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