outside of some obvious exceptions, having no friends is a red flag

OnePotatoeChip · 2024-01-21T21:20:27+00:00

I don't agree. You need a 'why' as to their friendless-ness. Some people are terrible and naturally repel others. Others just prefer their own company, but can still function properly in relationships. I feel like it's a bit unfair to cast those with few or no friends as a whole as a red flag.

In my case, even when I had a girlfriend, she wasn't the center of my world. When she wasn't around, I just defaulted to my usual solo activities. There was even the issue where she felt I wasn't contacting her enough.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-01-21T20:36:49+00:00

People do have friends somewhat, but you can have friends and still feel lonely. You maybe have friends that see once a month, or play games once a week. But someone not having any friends or losing friends because of different events is not a red flag at all. If we all judge lonely people and refuse to be their friend, then they will be lonely forever. How about we stop being judgmental assholes and instead give people a chance.

Goodgoy6969 · 2024-01-21T19:39:53+00:00

For dating women, this is a big red flag I would agree. When a girl asks me why I don't go out with friends or haven't gone on stag weekends/lads holidays previously, it's a little hard to tell them that I am introverted since I lost contact with my old friends as they only ever drank or partied. Neither of which I do anymore.

But, I wouldn't look down on someone who doesn't have friends. I am quite easy to talk to, charming and confident with women when dating, but the problem with being in your 30's now, making friends seems extremely hard at times if you haven't got an established friend circle from school/college

I'm currently dating a girl with an enormous social circle and I won't lie, it's very intimidating. But I'm not a clingy person. This girl would ideally see me more than twice a week if she could, but I reiterate that like my own space.

I'd say this is the most intimidating aspect of dating. Having to explain why you haven't got any close friends.

The answer is I just don't click with people much and find establishing common ground with men harder as I don't watch sports. I have a best friend from school who I don't see anymore because he has a kid and "can't find much time" to hang with me.

Definitely frustrating. I'd like more friends than I would a girlfriend.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-01-22T08:21:42+00:00

I am so tired of how much this gets brought up again and again - just to satisfy the stereotype of what someone who struggles with dating must be. You can have friends and still completely fail at relationships.

krackedy · 2024-01-21T15:26:42+00:00

I'd even say it's a yellow flag if someone only has friends of the same sex.

I realize that's a green flag to a lot of people, especially the more jealous types, but to me it's weird if someone only has same sex friends.

MikeArrow · 2024-01-21T19:59:35+00:00

I can honestly say I don't have any friends. I used to, but I lost touch with them a few years ago.

I have acquaintances that I know through D&D, and that's it.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-01-21T16:21:57+00:00

I don't get this need for someone to have this large expansive friend group

BONEPILLTIMEEE · 2024-01-21T15:23:05+00:00

tbf I dont think anyone really has 0 friends at all. getting a friend is much much easier than getting a bf/gf, even the stereotypical loser who watches anime and games all day should still have online friends who he talks about anime or games with

Elixier_55555 · 2024-01-21T16:02:28+00:00

True. Outside the said exceptions of course, in real life, every single man or woman l have tried to be friends with, that complained about "not having any friends" turned out to be a very horrible person... Apart from bad communication, they tend to be very self centered, egoistic & very much insufferable. And to make it worse, they don't know how to respect boundaries either...So l can only imagine how they are in relationships.

Online it's been different..But offline, this is always the case... So l do with agree with you...They need a lot of self reflection indeed. Because after years, the common denominator becomes you.

Ill-Consideration208 · 2024-01-21T19:51:02+00:00

what are the percentages of people that dont have close friends in the current epoch. its pretty high. its by design and a lot of modern propaganda has people at each others throats. including posts like this. its essentially promoting another fucking reason for people to stay away from each other. essentially everything is a fucking red flag these days. load of bollox.

ArmyFit1004 · 2024-01-21T17:14:13+00:00

I'm an autistic introvert, and it makes it hard to make friends. Am I a red flag?:(

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Altruistic_Talk_828 · 2024-01-21T22:24:57+00:00

I hope I can find a woman with no friends. Last thing I need is the rest of the hens whispering poison in her ear.

FluidKaleidoscope876 · 2024-01-21T23:57:56+00:00

I strongly disagree. There are plenty of good people out there who are just naive enough to think they can fix broken people so they make friends with them. It’s not a red flag. You are. People like you are the reason the suicide rate in this country is so high. I should know, I’m a certified therapist. Start caring about the words you choose when you mouth-off of things you know nothing about. Humans have feelings. I am sorry that you don’t.

LoFiPanda14 · 2024-01-21T18:17:53+00:00

You’re not making new friends after 30 and most people are drowning in work and getting by. Everything is a red flag to everyone these days. Telling people to make friends in hopes of relationships is just gaslighting or advice for a teenager.

stats135 · 2024-01-21T15:25:50+00:00

will potentially circle their whole life around you

Well then, time to find myself a woman with no friends.

Fantastic_Drop_3852 · 2024-01-21T16:40:28+00:00

Eh, most friendships are a matter of circumstance rather than any real effort and the same thing goes for the lack there of

rma5690 · 2024-01-21T15:49:35+00:00

Perhaps, but what do you say to someone that has absolutely zero interest in platonic friendships? Not so much that they push people away, but they simply do not get anything out of it and don't pursue it?

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-01-21T19:14:36+00:00

I would agree 99% of the time but not as a definite rule.

The fact is that you don't need your partner to have friends for them to be a good relationship partner.

However, maintaining friendships definitely correlates to being able to maintain good romantic relationships. People who are bad at friendships probably suck at romance.

So most of the time you are right but there are definitely some people out there who check all the boxes for a good relationship but might not have any sort of friendships beyond casual acquaintances.

Suitable-Region3754 · 2024-01-22T05:44:19+00:00

I think this is an insulting and incredibly privileged post to make. There are many reasons why someone can't achieve friends, but that does not mean that they shouldn't have the agency to pursue a relationship. I know many people who have a hard time making friends but those types of people can always meet each other. Friends can be a loose term while relationships are built on more foundational ground because they are usually working towards a common goal . So Those are two separate camps. It really sounds like you're projecting your anxious avoidance and now you see life through this frame of "I can't let my partner be too involved in my life." In my opinion, maybe it isn't time for you to have a relationship if you really need distance from your partner so much that It's influencing your reddit posts

Stringfellow69 · 2024-01-21T17:34:22+00:00

Friends.... Pfh.... Nowadays it seems everyone evaluates you based on your social media footprint..

Siliconmage76 · 2024-01-21T18:46:33+00:00

I don't have any friends but 2. My best buddy and my gf. The rest are what I call "single serving friendships" which are acquaintances in the various bars and venues I attend regularly.

auntLIITTiya · 2024-01-22T00:54:53+00:00

Not that it’s a red flag, but it is an attraction trigger for women when they see you talking and interacting with the all around you. A woman’s number one attraction trigger is a man circumstance, and a man’s number one attraction trigger is a woman’s physical appearance. So it really helps when you as a man can show her that you have a social side and get her to watch you interact with people. This comes from evolution. Because a man that is well liked and respected is looked at as a man that is safe in his community. This is why online dating is very tough, because you’re only seeing her on a one by one basis, and so she doesn’t get to see that social side of you with other people.

Kore624 · 2024-01-22T06:01:43+00:00

I'm shy and awkward and have no friends, but I have a partner of 10 years, a toddler and one on the way, and I grew up with 2 siblings and 2 cousins who are all within 3 years of me/each other and we grew up as a friend group.

So my family are my friends, does that count? I don't feel lonely and I can hold basic conversations with people, but I don't go out of my way to talk to strangers or make small talk to whoever is nearby

Digital-Bionics · 2024-01-22T14:32:17+00:00

That's just pop psychology propaganda, and the creed of a bully

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-01-22T18:11:38+00:00

Disagree. In today's world of very selfish people, having no friends should be more common. (I know way too many people whose only friends use them or do not care for them, these people should just be friendless instead of their current life). If you're a decent person and only want quality friendships, it is very likely if you stay true to yourself you will have periods of life without friends. If you add in how isolated people are becoming this holds even more true. Its hard to make genuine friendships nowadays EVEN when you are social and good because of that.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-02-26T22:25:43+00:00

isn't this just like double dutch duh

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2024-01-21T15:34:29+00:00

Funny story. When my brother and his wife first met (introduced by friends) they were in their early 30s going on mid 30s. So they talked and they both said "okay, you are kind of cool....but why are you still single? What's wrong with you?"

At one point, you do have to stop and think "Am I doing something that prevents me from having a girlfriend or even friends? What is wrong with me?"

And once you figure it out, work hard to solve the issue. Because nobody is hitching their train to a lonely, friendless loser who can't manage their own life.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-01-21T16:48:24+00:00

I don’t know why this wouldn’t be considered complete common sense

_phe_nix_ · 2024-01-21T16:47:46+00:00

Oh jeez, color me surprised, most of the guys complaining about relationships and whamen also happen to have no irl friends. shocker.

Breaker1617554 · 2024-01-21T16:01:30+00:00

Define “friend”?

Safinated · 2024-01-21T17:08:11+00:00

“Oh, but I don’t want to talk to people! Why don’t women just fuck me for existing!”

YtBlue · 2024-01-21T20:11:09+00:00

In my opinion false. There's a good reason as people mature, the less people they keep around them. Especially they call "friends". Maybe acquaintances not friends.

MateriallyRetarded · 2024-01-21T16:13:13+00:00

HAHAHA imagine not having a robust network of close friends, in addition to a wider circle of lesser friends and acquintances. Couldn't be me 💀

SlothCarp · 2024-01-21T20:14:49+00:00

Having friends, or not having them , does not matter when you’re attractive. I had a lot of friends when I was morbidly obese, went out a bunch. Was only met with rejection.

Isolated myself for two years, lost 172lbs , lost all my friends , and my hair along the way. I have a GF now, she’s only moderately gross. Better than nothing I guess. She didn’t care I don’t have friends anymore. I guess that’s because she can’t do better than me.

mybotisonfire · 2024-01-23T06:37:21+00:00

I hope so. I put a lot of effort into having no friends.

Honestly, friends are more of a social status marker more than anything else.

Having no friends when you're looking for a partner - especially as a man - is a red flag.

Having no friends as a single man who DGAF is really more of a feature than a bug.

Her logic:

A man surrounded by people is popular and liked and that means he has things and does things that makes people like him and want to be around him.

Bonus points if his FRIENDS are attractive.
Extra bonus points if his FEMALE FRIENDS are attractive and giving him IOI's.

jjolteon · 2024-01-21T16:55:48+00:00

facts it shows you have little individuality

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-01-21T18:52:38+00:00

This is why guys, if they have an online dating profile, should always try to include a shot of them with other people, out doing something. For women, doesn't really matter (though they naturally tend to put those kind of shots in their profiles anyway), but for the dudes; women want to see that you can function in a social setting.

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Leather-Analysis1729 · 2024-01-21T17:49:58+00:00

Very well said … I agree with this also

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-01-21T20:56:05+00:00

Depends you have social butterflies and you have workerbees.

I have a girlfriend. Have close family bound. But i barely have mucj real life frends a lot of online frends.

But thats mostly because I work almost 80 hours a week. Dont have time for much real-life friends cause I can't really maintain them. So I have a lot of people I know and all that. But would not really call them close friends or whatever. And never was a big social butterfly anyway.

But i get the expectations of ow no one wants to be around you so your probably a "bad person" stereotypes.

But often totally not the case. I know a lot more social Chameleon types that are realy nice when more people are there. But are horrible people one on one. And also more likely to be abusive. And then later play the victim with groups. Seen that many many times.

And mostly people that dont make a big effort to make frends just are not people pleasers and just ok with doing there own thing. There also a lot of word policing everything going around and many people just dont wanna deal with that. Many people often feel like they cant be them selfs. And just be social less. And make it much harder to let people in.

Cause they expect people to word police them or not letting them be them self or giveing people a hard time for making bad jokes or what ever other reason.

Just like how amount of men going to college is slowly dropping. Has also to do with the heavy word policing. And less people wanting to be in those environments. And more pulling back.

Its like the classic. Introvert have to always be more soical but noone ever blaming extrovert for not making it easier for introverts to feel more at ease to be more soical and be more accepting with there awkward qualities they have cause they find being social hard.

Just being a loner alone does not mean you have evil Malice behind it.

Sure its possible but if we go that route people can also stomping out a lot of other talking points

For most people there is no Malice. There or to business. Or feel they cant be them selfs And awkward.

Or people that tried it a lot and often felt more alone with people then they did just being by them selfs.

Not everyone is the same and not everyone has the same needs. Or live the same lives. In my opinion that does not mean there evil or bad.

All i do say people that are loners dont like to dumb them self down for people. So if you ask a question and feel offended by the answer. Yea they often more rough around the edges. They dont make you happy with a lie. They will offended you with the truth. And that alone will turn a lot of people off. That want people to be super political correct all the time.

Social Chameleons are a lot more dangerous in my eyes. With the silver tongue. Speaking little lies. Trying to make them seem like yea best friend. But doing all the things thag benfits them most.

Women probably know the people. Those women that would sleep with your boyfriend. Wail always saying how he is nit right for you. And trying to say how you dont need them. They like to spread there poison and gain people trust and get out what they want. I think those people are way way worse. Then people that are direct and are brutal honest to a fault.

But thats just me see it as a red flag if you want many people just living there lives how they want to with or without you judging them on how they live it

8m3gm60 · 2024-01-21T23:38:53+00:00

It's easy for good people to get isolated by their toxic family members. Not having a bunch of bad relationships is a good sign, but not making any effort to build good relationships is a bad sign.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-01-21T23:58:02+00:00

What does no friends mean? Like actual 0 people they can talk to? That sounds pretty sad

Nihi1986 · 2024-01-22T01:05:33+00:00

Depends. I agree it can be a red flag, but stepping out of the dating market because you have no friends...? I have been there after moving to a new city (as you already included in your exceptions) but even here after making many friends, I'm a bit introverted (with good social skills though) and don't have much interest on the majority of people I know, so I don't keep all my friendships unless they trule were friendships.

Doesn't mean I'm too good for them or that I don't give a crap about anyone...but I don't think I should force myself too much to to hang out with people I find boring or irritating. I mean, I'm late 30's in a new town, I already have been doing that and will keep doing it to an extent but that's how adult life works, just like you struggle to find a good partner you struggle to find worthwhile friends. Acquaintances, though? All of them and more...I feel like I already 'know' the whole town.

Unhappy-Slice-5098 · 2024-01-22T02:18:47+00:00

I agree with OP, to an extent. Lonely, friendless people, even those with zero friends like me (at my advanced age lol) deserve a romantic life. Everyone does. It shouldn’t matter how many friends you have. Even friendless people can be great at socializing and getting along with others. I’m not the best at socializing. But I know how to interact with others and have a good time in social settings. I just don’t have any friends, but IDK if you could tell easily in a social situation where I’m constantly talking (and talking super loudly and energetically because that’s just how my voice is).

Anyway, someone like me could easily mask having friends in social situations. Even though I don’t interact with anyone outside of my coworkers, and they certainly are not my friends. I’ve been forced to take up leadership of my team, even though I prefer to be introverted and stay silent on people-related stuff. All my coworkers are married with kids.

Ideally I’d love to meet someone as friendless as me, though I guess it’s hard to find someone who has good social skills despite not having friends. Though I feel like if you work 8 hours a day with other people you won’t have issues socializing. Problem is that many friendless folks tend to be NEETs too. Been there, done that. Lucky for me I can turn on sociability IRL like a switch, I’m just bad at maintaining friendships. Really, really bad. I like to think I would be better at a relationship… hopefully. I’ve learned my lesson!

bornfromdrainbramage · 2024-01-22T04:26:57+00:00

For me my gf who isn’t my gf yet (been dating for a year) loves that I don’t have any friends at all. I’m pretty sure it’s a insecurity/territorial thing over me as to why. She even complains that I don’t talk to her enough sometimes. I’ve always been heavily introverted but I did have close friends from school that continued after graduation but all 3 of them were killed (we were all in the streets) n since then I’ve just been content with only gaining periodically female friends through dating apps. it’s actually helped me not be a fuck boy of some sorts and not just use woman for pussy but actually having a friend/genuine connection at that moment 1st and if it turns into dating then that’s great because we were friends 1st.

And meeting guys in this day and age as a 20yo strictly for friends just never works out for me. As a man who doesn’t have anymore male friends it’s hard to naturally find guy friends without meeting a new guy through a friend of friend (which is how I feel most males meet new guys imo?) and if I try to find a friend through apps they think I’m gay. I look average enough to get like 3 female matches a year but I look good enough to get 10 male likes on tinder a day which were all just wanting to have sex (I don’t mind that they’re gay but geez I now somewhat get what some women go through a little)

So I feel like ppl should ask as to why you don’t have any friends and get to know what kind of person they are 1st to turn out this way socially and even in that process of them explaining if you hear patterns with every friend they had and they frame THEM to be the villain then you can just weed them out see that they are the red flag themselves

Mahlah_Maldau · 2024-01-22T04:31:58+00:00

When you're going out doing something, work, study, hobby or fun it is natural to make friends, people naturally come towards you. So yeah, I can see why it could be a red flag.

a-child-of-mary · 2024-01-22T04:40:42+00:00

I have no friends but it’s because I’m a boring and low status male. So no one really cares. I guess I do have two friends but we are all super low status and don’t do much together we are too socially disabled to do much

Slyman91 · 2024-01-22T13:31:59+00:00

Would having friends but only seeing them once a month or so ( they are all married and have their own families) be considered just as bad as having no friends?

EricSec · 2024-01-22T14:16:38+00:00

Like you said, I would consider this a red flag, as opposed to a hard rule. If someone doesn't have any friends at all, then it is an indicator that they might have a difficult time socializing in a relationship, or that they won't stick around when things get difficult. There is the rare person who just doesn't want to be around people, but that leads me to question why they would want to be in a relationship, so I don't know if they apply to the scenario.

For the record, I am not trying to bash anyone who doesn't have any friends. But, as an introvert myself, I have found it highly valuable to learn how to be social, and how to deal with uncomfortable social scenarios.

nlignmn1847 · 2024-01-22T14:53:43+00:00

Just based on how the average person on this site talks and their superficial non-lives. Their shallow resentments to "others" they can't grasp because they're anti-intellectual and know nothing that wasn't told them. Their lil' non-opinions. Hedonistic narratives they don't know have a jewish-design originally. The stuff they talk about that only talks me into superiority. Why would I want to be friends with lesser lifeforms that downvote anyone with a modicum of self-respect and for civilisation. If real life was this board it would double the suicides.

Purple_Kangaroo8549 · 2024-01-22T15:17:56+00:00

I prefer my women friendless, I don't really maintain social interactions unless I get something out of it myself and usually most people have nothing to offer me.

Title	outside of some obvious exceptions, having no friends is a red flag
Author	KayRay1994
Upvotes	61
Comments	349
Date	January 21, 2024 3:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/19c5ha1/outside_of_some_obvious_exceptions_having_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/outside-of-some-obvious-exceptions-having-no.1243484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243484

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