Q4W: Would you marry a promiscuous guy?

tinasnow-poty · 2023-08-15T15:28:28+00:00

Much like men, i ask myself what does the promiscuity represent. Was he sleeping with lots of people to fill a hole? Did he treat them unkindly? Did he have sex with women he found unattractive just to buss a nut? Could he not sustain a LTR? Did he cheat? Did he use not use protection, left a few abortions in his wake? Those behaviours are unattractive to me. If he demonstrated he’d changed, I would. But idk if I could really trust him that he had. I’d vet him for much longer than i would a guy who has a modest n count

JustBeingMe426 · 2023-08-15T18:14:34+00:00

Absolutely not.

There are well done studies showing a history of casual sex, the more there is, the higher the rate of divorce for both genders. Its not because Im against people who like sex, but I prefer someone with my values. Also, the studies show this result due to personality. People who have a lot of casual sex in their history score higher in these areas: egoism, impulsivity, hedonism, superficiality, more easily bored and less likely to ride out the natural highs and lows of a LTR as well. These traits do not make a good LTR partner.

Also I dont believe anyone who says men find the right one and change. They do during the honeymoon phase of the rel then their old habits and thought patterns come back. Ive never met a married reformed manwhore who wasnt negative about his wife for no reason. They are a liability quite frankly.

I think I could forgive a phase during college and highschool if they seemed perfect but otherwise no.

Also want to point out that n count is different than being promiscuous. N count doesnt take account for context. A guy with a n count of 10 but they were all girlfriends or girls he was hoping to be girlfriends is way better than a man with a 4 but they were all women he viewed just hot enough to screw once then made fun of them. The first guy has a higher n count but the second guy is promiscuous.

RadiantEarthGoddess · 2023-08-15T15:04:22+00:00

As a person who views sex as something deeply intimate that I only have in committed relationships, I would prefer my partner to view sex in a similar way. So no, I probably wouldn't.

and most women think this is wrong.

I only find it wrong if they are hypocrites (having had casual sex themselves) or if they are unnecessarily judgy about it and shame other ppl.

Mentathiel · 2023-08-15T18:22:45+00:00

Probably not. We probably have different views of sex. I'd be suspicious about his willingness to commit and his capability to be monogamous.

But I don't find it disgusting in any way like many guys here do, I'd even say it's hot when someone is super-comfortable and confident about their body and sexuality. I'd just be worried we're looking for different things. If I could be convinced that we aren't, I'd have no problem with it.

Also, it would probably be helpful to define promiscuous. It depends on age probably. I'm not sure. I don't think about the numbers that much. It's more about how they view sex. Somebody who has had multiple ONS and is casual about having more. Someone who has never had a relationship longer than half a year or a year or something. Those types of things are bigger promiscuity flags to me than specific body count.

trettles · 2023-08-15T20:21:00+00:00

I wouldn't marry any guy because they're all likely to cheat. I've had lots of guys who have only ever been with their wives or maybe one or two others hit on me. There are a lot of guys who think they're allowed to cheat because they "missed out" sleeping around in their 20s. A LOT.

Zombombaby · 2023-08-15T16:47:39+00:00

Not for me. I prefer less than 10 partners. I've only ever had 2 and I'm mid-thirties so I feel like that's not unreasonable.

lizi1231 · 2023-08-15T18:25:55+00:00

NiceTrybutIdc · 2023-08-15T16:34:56+00:00

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-08-15T18:12:42+00:00

Sure. Doesn't matter to me and it's not something I ever gave a second thought to before I came to this sub.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-15T15:18:20+00:00

Depends on the promiscuity. If he just fucked around while he was single, fine by me. If he was such a horn dog that has cheated on multiple, if not all partners, had pass.

peacheeblush · 2023-08-15T15:52:21+00:00

I would not, I wouldn’t marry a promiscuous woman either. It’s a turn off. BUT I wouldn’t bash them for it. Go live your life.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-08-15T15:52:32+00:00

I dont ask who I date how many people they had sex with so I would not know.

I care how Im treated and we have similar life goals, etc.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-08-15T17:08:32+00:00

No absolutely not

Novadina · 2023-08-15T17:35:31+00:00

It depends. “Promiscuous” is not enough detail at all, it can mean a million things. If he spent a year or two fucking around and has a high number of partners, but used protection, created no children, tested negative for STIs, and he wants to be monogamous with me, then I have no problems. If he has baby mamas, or is so into having “variety” that he doesn’t want monogamy or he cheats, or he has a bunch of STIs, then that wouldn’t really be compatible with me.

AngeCruelle · 2023-08-15T17:46:58+00:00

In all likelihood no. I would prefer to marry a virgin. If a formerly promiscuous guy had some kind of intense conversion/repentance experience and has completely turned away from that life before meeting me maybe I could look past it. If he's still actively promiscuous when we meet and/or proud of his conquests it's a hard no, even if he offers to change.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-15T17:56:45+00:00

I would not date or marry a promiscuous man (or have any other kind of relationship with him including casual sex, but I'm not willing to have these other kinds of relationships either). Fundamentally we'd be incompatible in an important way and I just find it a bit gross.

Sillysheila · 2023-08-15T23:40:03+00:00

No I wouldn’t. I find promiscuous men extremely unattractive.

I married a man with only one other sex partner so honestly was pretty happy with that.

The reason I wouldn’t dare a promiscuous man is I didn’t really want someone super imbalanced with me (unlike the common discourse on here dictates). I wanted a man that shares my values on sex, that sex is an intimate thing (in my own opinion) best shared between people that actually know each other.

The problem I have with the discourse about promiscuity is not that people are against it with their partners, but that people feel the need to trash promiscuous women in particular but praise promiscuous men.

I also think it’s really stupid when some guys feel they should be able to sleep around a bunch but it’s not ok for women to do it. Or these guys wonder why women with low body counts won’t want to date them. Well, it’s probably because you slept with fifty girls.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-15T15:40:24+00:00

I would provided he's not still promiscuous and shows some level of self-awareness, something approaching shame or at least a sensibility that this was a stupid, short term thinking way to behave even if they stand by it being fun.

In addition, he cannot try to hold me to the standards that they set sexually, if I ever get the faintest hint that he's thinking of other women in bed, wishes I was more like whats her name, wishes I was more open to x thing he got from some number of women.

And he better be closed off to all of these women, I will not be made to feel insecure in my relationship because has all sorts of women hanging around and orbiting him looking for crumbs or trying to dismantle or thing. He better focused on us and not constantly seeking the attention of other women because he's "just built that way".

Also, no diseases period. And he should be willing to get tested no questions asked.

And he needs to be able to consider moving towards a model of seeing sex as very intimate, romantic, and not something you do with the waitress because her ass looked great.

And of course, I realize people are human and it will take time for all of these things to become who he is perfectly all the time. But I'm not marrying him unless this is true most of the time and I see no chance of him slipping back to his old ways.

hannahg000 · 2023-08-15T16:37:25+00:00

i want a man who values sex and intimacy the same way i do. not one who would stick his dick in anything that walked past.

baiser_vole · 2023-08-15T15:01:41+00:00

I don’t approve of abortion for casual sex reasons. I don’t believe in being hedonistic either. So no.

Dom-Francon · 2023-08-15T15:14:35+00:00

If he’s not still promiscuous then yes. People live lives before meeting people, it’s unfair to expect someone to sit around knitting.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-08-15T15:16:29+00:00

No I would not.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-15T16:00:31+00:00

No. I'm not into casual sex myself, so I want a partner with similar values. I don't think having n-count preferences is wrong, they just should be more about values rather than a number imv.

Right-Butterfly5036 · 2023-08-15T15:26:07+00:00

Absolutely not.

potoricco · 2023-08-15T15:30:03+00:00

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dishonouronmycow · 2023-08-15T16:08:34+00:00

I would prefer him to be view sex as something to be shared between people that love eachother. If he had tried casual sex once or twice and didn’t enjoy it I would understand, as well as being in a few committed relationships. I would never tolerate dating or marrying a man who has cheated and I won’t budge on that

DarmakJalad · 2023-08-15T17:14:40+00:00

possibly if was a long time ago and no longer appeals to him

If he stopped recently because he’s enamored, then no. Dudes gonna want to resume as soon as the new relationship energy wears off

riceweight · 2023-08-15T17:40:04+00:00

I’m pretty forgiving of phases that are like, oh I’m young and a red blooded male, I’m gonna fuck if I want to, but also these women are human and I treat them with respect. But that phase shouldn’t be long. You shouldn’t take 10 bodies and 2 years to realize that you don’t like fucking around. If a guy has a long / excessive hoe phase then he’s not the family-oriented guy I want to be with. People ought to know what they want from a young age. It shouldn’t take years of “finding yourself”.

I’ve met a guy with 40 at 22… that was gross. I couldn’t get over it. High body counts in guys are also strongly correlated with mental issues.

I’m ok with a count of 5 or so at my age (23). A couple hookups, maybe 1-2 LTRs.

BeneficialRush4171 · 2023-08-15T17:50:42+00:00

I wouldn’t mind that but I’d want to make sure it doesn’t backfire such as if he has a major STD that can’t or isn’t treated or a crazy ex.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-15T18:02:10+00:00

I did

begayallday · 2023-08-15T18:39:29+00:00

It not an issue for me. I married a (formerly) promiscuous woman. It’s going just fine.

MidoriEgg · 2023-08-15T19:32:44+00:00

Depends on how promiscuous and how long he was promiscuous

Sophiatab · 2023-08-15T19:34:43+00:00

I did and I wouldn't do it again. He never cheated on me, but it was always a suspicion in my mind that he would which caused most of the arguments we had.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-08-15T20:17:39+00:00

I think you’d have to define “promiscuous” because everyone has different ideas about what it means to them. In general I wouldn’t mind.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-08-15T21:17:50+00:00

How promiscuous are we talking?

"Charlie Harper" promiscuous or "had a few one night stands and fwbs when he was single but can hold a committed relationship" promiscuous?

The former nope the latter yes

Yomzie_hun · 2023-08-15T23:31:59+00:00

Never. I dated one and he is for the streetssss

lurkingconfused · 2023-08-16T00:03:56+00:00

If he had a high bodycount through failed relationships, maybe. If he'd used women for sex or led women on to get sex, no. Unless he truly regretted his actions, and for the right reasons.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-08-16T06:39:39+00:00

No. I wanted to marry someone who has self-control. I’ve also kept mine low for health reasons mostly, there would have been no reason to do that if I had chosen someone who didn’t. It just means more to be chosen by someone who had both options and standards.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-15T14:59:04+00:00

Is his pecker still healthy? Is he ready to settle down with a nice lass? Unlike many a man, I don't mind being the girl he picks after he's had Stacy and her seven gorgeous cousins.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-08-15T15:36:33+00:00

Sure, and I did.

My husband had an N count of 50ish to my 3 (including him), but when we met he was burnt out of the game and looking for a nice girl to settle down with, which I was happy to oblige.

1Here4Bach · 2023-08-15T15:44:16+00:00

If he showen signs he can’t be faithful no. If it’s the opposite yes.

Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2023-08-15T15:56:00+00:00

A man who's actually successful in being promiscuous is usually a man who is wanted by lots of women. Since 90 percent of men don't even have the options, nay, opportunity to be promiscuous, a guy like that is very rare.

Loud_Definition6669 · 2023-08-15T15:58:03+00:00

I would not care one bit about how many women he's slept with and wouldn't ask. I might be partially bothered if he slept with a good friend of mine or family member.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-08-15T16:53:41+00:00

No. My definition of promiscuous is someone who’s cheated in more than one relationship (preferably never but I’ll allow it if they show genuine remorse and it happened a long time ago), pays for OF or follows ig models (occasional porn with strangers is fine), or has an astronomical body count. Not 5, like some people on here say, but like 50+. I used to date based on looks and it ended badly every time. I’ll take attractive enough if all their other qualities are great and they value loyalty highly.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-08-15T15:41:45+00:00

Absolutely. At my big age, everyone has had sex.

I care about how he treats me and his commitment to our relationship.

His banging other women before shouldn't have an impact on how he treats me or how he commits.

XolivawX · 2023-08-15T16:10:27+00:00

Women prefer men who have had a lot of partners because it affirms their decision to be with him.

The implications are that he's experienced, he's been vetted by other women and doesn't have major red flags, and other women theoretically would be envious.

rosephase · 2023-08-15T15:54:54+00:00

I have no interest in marriage.

I’m poly and my partners are too. So I support them having casual sex or building other relationships however they want. I won’t stay with people who are shitty to the folks the fuck so i expect them to treat people well but that’s about it.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-15T16:56:02+00:00

Promiscuity is in the eye of the beholder. For most people it just means "has had more sex than me."

I'm a serial monogamist as are most of the people I have dated. I got married (and divorced) and had a baby pretty young, so I wasn't spending my 20s riding that alleged cock carousel. I had other priorities. I've had a few casual experiences, but not until I was older and pretty much had closed the door on relationships and marriage. My husband on the other hand was a party star who went to clubs and did a lot of coke and went home with different girls. He is not even sure what his N count is. He had a very different young adulthood than I did. By the time I met him though, he was a homebody that spent his Friday nights watching TV not partying at clubs. He barely even drinks these days, let alone does coke. So his past didn't matter to me any more than mine mattered to him. We just got tested and continued getting to know each other and eventually married.

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Exciting_Phase_1665 · 2023-08-16T11:03:09+00:00

I would not

badgersonice · 2023-08-16T15:39:42+00:00

I would not, no. He’s got wildly different sexual and relationship values than I do. We wouldn’t be compatible at all.

Plus, I really don’t want to be his boring broodmare Becky he settles down with after he’s done having his fun.

yamb97 · 2023-08-16T16:21:09+00:00

Promiscuous while we are dating? Hell no. Promiscuous at some point in time before we agreed to a monogamous relationship? Ya who cares.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-08-16T16:28:03+00:00

I could not care less as long as he’s not sleeping around while he’s with me. Why would I care? He knows how to use his dick? Great!

chalkandapples · 2023-08-16T18:29:05+00:00

No, personality incompatibility.

Spydive · 2023-08-17T00:29:43+00:00

As a woman, I don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as his past isn’t effecting our future(like there’s no secret love children, and they are sexually healthy), I don’t care what they did before. Assuming that there’s no extra risks involved and he’s just as likely to cheat as someone who wasn’t promiscuous- if that was the case and everything was the same odds just that he had a longer history, I don’t care at all.

SpartanChap · 2023-08-16T03:18:09+00:00

Guy here -

I'm not promiscuous at all. But. I could be.

I think "promiscuous" means capable of having multiple partners, or ranking of one's desirability, or "options", or whatever... I could... doesn't mean I should or would. I'm definitely not a gross pua or player.

Then again, the woman should expect the guy to have basic sex skills/abilities. But you don't need to be a manslut to practice that up!

Promiscuous could = bad in bed: selfish, one-sided, all about himself etc.

Ruthlessly screen and vet your partners.

No-Chance-8405 · 2023-08-20T10:08:22+00:00

I understand if a man doesn't want a promiscuous woman. I wouldn't want to marry a promiscuous man either.

If he sleeps with women he is in a relationship with, that's perfectly fine and healthy, but sleeping randomly around only displays a lot of weaknesses on his part. Besides, that would make me feel repulsed. Not my cup of tea.

Title	Q4W: Would you marry a promiscuous guy?
Author	-snickerss-
Upvotes	17
Comments	198
Date	August 15, 2023 2:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15rv0lx/q4w_would_you_marry_a_promiscuous_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-marry-a-promiscuous-guy.1228540 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228540

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