Rationalizing a pump and dump

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-04-26T13:59:49+00:00

Well, if you don’t have sex until commitment, then it’s very possible to have never been pumped and dumped. Women here tend to be a little more on the conservative side sexually I think, so I’m sure many haven’t been. There are more women who have only had a few boyfriends their whole lives and been married/partnered for a long time than you might think.

I do agree that most women won’t have sex with a guy they wouldn’t consider dating, because most women are not that into casual sex. There are some who do it because they don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment or because they find a guy attractive but he has dealbreakers, it’s just not common.

As far as the ethics of a “pump and dump” are concerned, if she’s fully aware it’s just casual and simply happens to wish it would become more, that’s on her. If he dangles the possibility of a relationship either verbally or by acting like it’s romantic when it’s not, that’s on him. It really doesn’t matter if he is just a player who doesn’t want to commit, or if she simply isn’t who he wants to commit to. If he continues to string her along for sex after knowing he doesn’t want more, that’s gross behavior.

bluestjuice · 2024-04-26T14:53:24+00:00

I dunno, everyone hates semantic arguments but I find it incredibly difficult to debate when no one is defining their terms.

‘Pump and dump’ is a casual (fairly rude) phrase that entered my lexicon entirely via internet spaces, so I think before we can really argue about it we have to agree on what it is and what it isn’t.

Here are my definitional thoughts:

one-time sexual encounter
not transparently casual sex on both sides: one person is potentially interested in or hoping for the sex to be a stepping stone to something else, not a one-time thing for its own sake
abrupt end/lack of follow-up (maybe ghosting, maybe not)
the more-interested party feels let down or used

I feel like the context surround this can be as innocent as two people with mismatched hopes for the encounter failing to communicate well and setting themselves or the other up for disappointment, or as sketchy as one person directly leading the other on long enough to gain sex, then walk away. Including a variety of middle points on that spectrum. Any of them hurt from the perspective of the disappointed person but they don’t all have equivalent culpability on the part of the less-interested person.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-04-26T13:38:55+00:00

What's your question?

MongoBobalossus · 2024-04-26T13:31:14+00:00

“Pump and dump” is just a cruder way to say one night stand. Not everybody is relationship material, sometimes you just need dick/pussy for the night and you’re good to go for awhile.

purplish_possum · 2024-04-26T14:36:20+00:00

Yeah, guys don't usually want to pump and dump. We would almost always rather it workout. However, sometimes that's just not in the cards. If the sex was bad. If her personality was disagreeable. ... . The best thing for all involved is to cut losses and move on.

Zabadoodude · 2024-04-26T15:04:25+00:00

You're defining "pump and dump" as anytime the woman wants a casual relationship to become more serious and the man doesn't. Of course under this definition most women have been pump and dumped at least once. That's too broad, though. Ypu scenario #2 is your fwb of 2 months wants commitment. You don't, so she ends things. That's not what most would call a "pump and dump"

SierraMistSoda · 2024-04-26T14:24:31+00:00

I will always think the issue is in what the guy is telling the women. If he takes her on a date and she has expressed she is looking for a relationship and he runs with that knowing that he will not want that but still goes on to sleep with her then never speak to her again. You can do that, but that is why women loose trust men.

So when you're older and ready for a wife and kids and can't find any "good girls" to settle with, just know you actively participated in ruining those girls in your younger years so thats why they are not "good" anymore.

shmupsy · 2024-04-26T18:04:21+00:00

OK but the stuff you are doing is honestly low-class and low-agency/cowardly. You may be rationalizing that fact by writing it all off as pumping and dumping to preserve your self image rather than considering that you are a scumbag.

Witty-Respond3636 · 2024-04-26T14:30:21+00:00

You wouldn't need to ghost if you were just clear about your intentions. Also maybe don't put your dick in crazy.

Something-bothersome · 2024-04-26T13:41:25+00:00

I actually appreciate some kind of structural concept around this term. It’s just so vague and thrown about.

I still don’t think it matters as far as it’s weighed though. As far as I see it, point one and two is just a life learning experience for those involved. Both will walk away and get on with life and have to deal with any disappointment or differences in expectations. Particularly if nothing particularly negative, life changing or health affecting happens which can complicate the experience.

Hopefully something is learned along the way, different life experiences and environments create different learning opportunities.

learn2earn89 · 2024-04-26T16:10:34+00:00

Why not be truthful from the beginning?

I’ve lost my faith in humanity.

FreitasAlan · 2024-04-26T15:43:27+00:00

Exactly. In terms of intentionality, there’s no difference between 1 and 2, but 2 is way more common (because men have no incentive to just throw away free access to sex most of the time) and easier to rationalize (because time itself allows it to be retroactively reframed as if they were really trying to achieve something slightly meaningful here). Even if it’s not rationalized as trying to achieve something, it’s often rationalized as someone misleading the other even when no promises have been made at all. 90% of cases I’ve seen have been case #2. The only solution here is to vet people before sex, but people are very resistant to this idea for some reason.

Safinated · 2024-04-26T15:03:34+00:00

Doesn’t matter why; the solution is the same — don’t fuck early and have some self respect

obviousredflag · 2024-04-26T13:54:21+00:00

USUALLY if I have sex with a girl, I still try to continue having sex with her unless the sex was just bad

And that is where you are getting pumping and dumping wrong. P&D is when you are just interested in having sex with her, and lose all interest in the woman afterwards because they don't stimulate you the same way anymore, when they are not a new sexual partner anymore. The brain reward system only has this enormous payout of rewarding neurotransmitters for the first time having sex with a new sexual partner, while following encounters are less and less rewarding, with a steep drop already for the second time. For P&D it's better to look for a new partner, even if that takes time and resources, than to fuck the same woman a second time.

What you describe are other reasons why you or they don't want to keep dating/having sex.

leroy2007 · 2024-04-26T17:55:15+00:00

If men ONLY wanted sex then it would be easy to get one to stick around for more than a couple months. The actual truth is that some women don’t actually have anything to offer men but sex and good looks.

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ColbyXXXX · 2024-04-26T16:12:48+00:00

I believe a lot of the time people don’t talk about whether they want a relationship before sex. Most times I have sex with a woman the first time we have talked about light hearted things like mutual interests but not really “I think I want to date and marry”. That happens afterwards for me usually.

I do get offended when women say I pump and dumped them or I was dishonest because I don’t want the same thing as them. Then they push and push for a “reason” why I don’t want it which is really annoying because now I have to trauma dump and tell you why I don’t want to date because you can’t just take a no thanks and go.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-04-27T11:59:56+00:00

I don't care what men think the term means. It's basically just another term to insult women and like most such terms through history men become extremely flexible in its application as soon as there's a target they wish to insult and they think will feel suitably insulated should the term be applied. And thus like much of what comes out of men's mouths when they are angry it means basically nothing except "I am a man who is angry at a woman or women in general" Just like ho and slut mean basically nothing.

ATasteofTx214 · 2024-04-27T14:07:33+00:00

Im confused. So what scenario can a woman have sex that doesn't result in marriage and it not b considered pump and dump?

campskills21 · 2024-04-26T13:54:15+00:00

Women pump and dump and ghost just as much as guys.

When women pump and dump, they don’t think about it all. It’s their life, and they’re going to do whatever they want. Guys normally just say oh well at least I got laid.

When girls get pumped and dumped after one or a few sex sessions and ghosted. The guy is an absolute soulless piece of shit fucbois, he’s sick, you don’t do that to people. All men just want to use women, be players, and are trash.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-04-26T17:58:59+00:00

3 is way more common than y’all think it’s just rare for you

boom-wham-slam · 2024-04-26T14:17:26+00:00

Yeah I agree with number 2.

But I think for me it's more a self fulfilling prophecy. If we are having casual sex, I will likely not date her seriously. I'm not interested in being tied down or exclusive with someone who has slept around or would engage in casual sex. The fact she had sex with me quickly is proof she is easy. So essentially all women who have fucked me have been #2. I'm told that makes me a fuck boy.

Where alternatively I've had a few virgins who made me wait and then we had sex and I was willing to be exclusive with them.

Also I've had some girls that were pretty awesome but engage in casual sex so I would be in a relationship but not exclusive with them.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-26T16:03:01+00:00

You forgot the most important one: you're horny as fuck and you don't really like her but during war times every hole can become a trench. Bonus points if drunk.

You're willing to lie about your intentions just to get laid, and you do.

Then the next day you get a massive moral hungover and you need to gtfo.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-04-26T16:18:01+00:00

We've all heard women say "men are emotionally unavailable", "young men don't want to commit", "men just want 1 thing", etc etc

I've actually heard men hear echo the same thing. Men here constantly say that they want sex immediately, they will hold back their emotions, and they don't want to commit.

Women are just repeating back what we hear from men.

But for most women on here to have bold face claim they've never been pump & dumped is just a statistical anomaly.

Lol. That's not how statistics work. I've never experienced your 3 examples. Unfortunately, our individual experiences aren't a benchmark for everyone.

Rationalize your actions all you want. It doesn't mean women are experiencing the same actions from all men.

Also, all 3 of your examples prove this "men are emotionally unavailable", "young men don't want to commit", "men just want 1 thing", etc etc"

Goodgoy6969 · 2024-04-26T13:56:24+00:00

When a woman tries to say she was involved in 'Situationships'...these were effectively pump and dumps. The guy had no intention to use her for other than sex when she was looking committment out of it.

He didn't want a relationship, and her referring to it as a situationship is a way to slap a bandage across her ego, when she knows deep down, that the guy was a chad and didn't want anything to do with her other than to sleep with her.

Kagenikakushiteru · 2024-04-26T16:55:12+00:00

I banged a girl recently then love bombed her but she started weaponising sex against me. I ghosted her right away. Block and delete.

flosterjenkins · 2024-04-26T21:17:54+00:00

A FWB who catches feelings and then the two of you discuss, and then respectfully part ways, is not a "pump and dump" lol. What's your whole deal with trying to redefine the term and wanting to "pump and dump"? presumably it makes you feel good about yourself for some reason? Idk it's weird.

Well I find this behavior weird in general, many men are so conceited about their ability to distress/flex on/disrespect women in some way. I've never met women who brag about hurting men the way men brag about hurting women. how convenient for them that it's always womens fault for tempting any abuse or distress. Right now, causing emotional hurt to women is a flex for western men, I wonder when it'll escalate to physical or social or economic hurt. It's kind of scary learning about how they truly think on the internet

nonplussedminus · 2024-04-26T13:38:34+00:00

What's so hard to rationalize about a pump and dump? It just means she has nothing to offer except her body

John-Nada_ · 2024-04-26T14:29:00+00:00

Very well put. She wants commitment? Well only lip service doesn’t get her there, there has to be some signals of investment of adding value to your life.

Title	Rationalizing a pump and dump
Author	SlowEffective8146
Upvotes	23
Comments	275
Date	April 26, 2024 1:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cdlbod/rationalizing_a_pump_and_dump/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/rationalizing-a-pump-and-dump.1516473 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516473

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