Telling men that doing a certain thing will help them improve their dating chances is toxic and damaging if that thing doesn't improve their SMV

cel-shaded · 2024-07-12T11:28:55+00:00

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ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2024-07-12T12:39:12+00:00

Especially when it's not to improve their chances, and actually a tutorial on how to be taken advantage. They're teaching boys to become a doormat, which leads to becoming a victim and having your reputation destroyed.

Here are some better lessons:

Do the right thing.

Be good to others.

Work really, really hard.

Get sleep.

Drink water.

Save your money. If a woman wants you to spend it on stupid stuff, she has poor people mentality, and is prepping to monkey branch after emptying your account by buying stuff with no long-term value.

Buy land, real estate, invest, HYSA, HSA, 401k, Roth, etc. If the woman you're with discourages this, she's toxic. A woman who encourages these is a builder and a keeper.

Keep your hands in your own pockets.

Don't be a free meal date.

Don't put in all the effort

If you pay off your house and car, it's your house. You don't owe family and friends your stuff, and you're not a bad person for not handing it over. Redditors telling you that you owe other people your stuff is wrong.

Your health is important for you. Work out for you, not for someone else. Women have a million someone elses in their dms who also work out.

Women see men as achievements, too. When those achievements don't give them their wealth, they get falsely accused like Trevor Bauer and Brian Banks.

Women who tell you that you're bad for going to dinner with your ex almost always have 10 exes on speed dial, and likely do more than just dinner with at least one of them on regular occasions.

If a woman says 'you're insecure,, don't know what you just saw, or misunderstood, incel, insensitive, misogynyst', she's manipulating you because she needs the conversation shut down due to you catching on. If she calls a guy she knows an ahole or fboy in front of you, it's likely because he didn't want her and she tried to save face. If she compares you to him, she's a brokie loser who still wants him and has him on a pedestal even though he's likely moved on an doesn't want her.

The silent treatment is emotional manipulation and the flag to drop them.

'No' is a complete sentence, whether saying or receiving it.

If a woman who doesn't pay your rent, pay for your food, pay your bills, or contribute to your life meaningfully passes judgement on you, her judgement is immediately a moot point and meaningless, because her opinion brings you no added value.

Work on believing in yourself and being confident. If a woman starts to tear you down and jab at your confidence, replace her.

As someone who is married, be ok with being alone first. People who shame you for being comfortable being alone need you to be insecure and uncomfortable with yourself because they are. Always ask yourself why they're desperate for you to question yourself. Many women preach being independent while shaming single men for remaining unmarried and building their net worth.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-07-12T09:26:07+00:00

Have you considered that this advice isn't being said to help anyone? Then it makes perfect sense.

IceWingAngel · 2024-07-12T09:19:19+00:00

Virtually impossible request. The crowd here is a blend of well meaning individuals that feel they’re giving solid universal advice, virtue signalers that post for the positive feedback loop, opposers that contest anything leaning in favor of the gender they take issue with, and in the instance of this post individuals such as yourself that attempt to pinpoint with callouts. In other words, the crowd is a variety pack. I will say as one of the men in question currently going through the exact play through you laid out, I mostly agree.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-07-12T09:32:42+00:00

Well obviously bad advace is bad, and should stop. The problem is those people probably thought it would be helpful. The whole point in this sub is that we don't all know what advice would be helpful.

It would be great if everyone could stop accusing people of "gaslighting", every time someone says something they disagree with though.

Creation_Soul · 2024-07-12T08:31:56+00:00

so, what should we do?

Let's say I have a male friend that comes to me and complains about his dating struggles. I, as a friend, what should I say to him? Tell him to give up?

wideHippedWeightLift · 2024-07-12T13:45:04+00:00

Does all advice have to be given with absolute beginners in mind? I thought dating was still difficult for men who have brought themselves up to a 6 or 7, in which case learning how to talk to women is the clear next step

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2024-07-12T14:44:03+00:00

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TapZealousideal5974 · 2024-07-12T08:56:56+00:00

What would actually help men the most is if they sincerely stopped caring as much (or at all) about how women feel about them.

In the old days, men who didn't have what it took to become established in life (yet, in some cases ever) just banged some whores and that was it, problem solved for a while at least. They won't do it now, because they actually want to be wanted. Men now won't get over this, because they've been trained to care above almost anything about how women feel and worshipping Chad, which is something that can't easily be changed.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-07-12T15:21:16+00:00

Eh. A lot of things are vague and just not entirely helpful. If you’re running online to complain about your shortcomings I don’t think you should be such a dick head to people who are trying to give you advice even if it isn’t that good.

Just kinda weird.

nofaplove-it · 2024-07-13T00:19:00+00:00

I remember the kitty post and I said the same thing in the comments just instead of “SMV” I said looks.

Essentially men need to reach a certain threshold of attractiveness to have their hobby’s be attractive. Hobby’s mean nothing in the grand scheme of things if they’re ugly.

DBEternal · 2024-07-13T04:23:26+00:00

yeah but imagine telling men the reality:

that women will just tell you to your face that you're sexable, if you are sexable, and for the rest of your life you'll be that guy.

how do you think that would blow over with 90% of men?

life is simple, women either wanna smush you (they will tell you) or they don't. shit i done had random women just tell me they was in love with me for no reason. i never worked a real job in my life, have no friends, no real assets and shit, i live off of women, etc. it's just the wya it is

NinjyCoon · 2024-07-13T08:21:49+00:00

Do you have proof/data to support your claim that the advice given doesn't help as and/or makes things worse?

Incarnate24 · 2024-07-12T09:53:44+00:00

There are a lot of elements at play because what makes an attractive male attractive is so hotly debated. You have many people here convinced male attractiveness is all physical, that you need to be 6 feet with abs and movie star looks to have any real shot being seen attractive enough to enjoy casual sex with multiple women or find the woman of your dreams.

They’re closer to the truth than whoever said “just rescue kittens” as a way to increase SMV, but the other camp isn’t wrong for their efforts to articulate how attractiveness for women is influenced greatly by factors beyond physical appearance.

LillthOfBabylon · 2024-07-12T12:14:53+00:00

"Every man can immediately significantly increase his desirability to women by rescuing cats and kittens

Stop getting your advice from cartoons.

"Just be a good person: challenge the stereotypes"

Personality is a big factor in being successful in any sort of social interaction. Unless you just wanna be around assholes, why would you want to be an asshole?

Sometimes it's not bad to be the guy a women falls for after she recovers from a bad romance

This is definitely something stupid guys tell other guys.

most men on here would easily reolve their issues with wome.n... if men viewed them as people not as achievements.

Not liking the advice doesn’t make it less true. Most people don’t wanna be around bitter socially inept creeps.

And just went to therapy

Most people don’t wanna hang around someone with clear mental issues.

because none of those things will really make a difference if a man doesn't meet the minimum SMV for a women.

For the guys that do meet the minimum, they’re ruining their chances by being terrible insufferable dickheads to be around.

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Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-07-12T11:23:44+00:00

Just be sincere about your goal.

You, me and pretty much every guy's goal always was and always will be sex.

Relationships, dates, womens company, all that amounts to a nothing burger at best and a nuisance at worse. And we must be sincere with ourselves about it.

Stop caring about being attractive, or talking about romance, you dont want that, be direct and say that you want help to get sex (with men, yeah I see you mr. autistic, which will say they don't give a fuck about women to their face) .

DelDivision · 2024-07-12T13:07:19+00:00

There is a baseline for all advice, meaning the advice isn't necessarily wrong, It's just dependent on a few factors. But yeah there's also some bad faith actors here who like push the whole " if you're failing, that must mean you're misogynistic a hole" no different than those who push that poor people are just stupid and lazy.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-07-12T16:33:11+00:00

Relying on random internet strangers to provide you with dating advice is why so many of you will struggle lol

Zealousideal_Test_95 · 2024-07-12T19:18:09+00:00

I actually said this in one of those posts, but I've been going to therapy for a work related trauma for 16 years now.

I'll sing this from the heavens until the day I die: Therapy doesn't do shit.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-12T10:15:26+00:00

Sorry, no advice is bulletproof

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-07-12T11:48:00+00:00

cool stop asking for advice

Pola_Lita · 2024-07-12T09:22:43+00:00

This doesn't make sense. Even if a person is beyond improvement, nobody is more likely to know it than the questioner, and anyone who asks for advice here knows that none of it comes with a guarantee of effectiveness. If they don't know it, that's a maturity problem and a whole other issue by itself.

But OP, how could you even know what constitutes hopelessly, irreparably undesirable and/or who suffers from it? Especially in a forum setting like PPD?

MongoBobalossus · 2024-07-12T08:35:51+00:00

Big crab in a bucket mentality with this post.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-07-12T09:26:57+00:00

This advice would work a absolutely wonders for most men who struggle.

However, it won’t work on the ones that don’t want to put in any effort in, hence why they struggle in the first place

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-07-12T10:52:35+00:00

Most of the things you stated involve personality changes which do affect your rmv, not your smv. They don’t make you fuckable, but if a woman finds you fuckable then it can help you to be dateable. But you need to be fuckable first.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-07-12T09:44:55+00:00

Dude stop yapping, this is just a rant about things you don't want to hear and that's it.

Go off the internet if you can't handle reading about these things, you are being insanely toxic.

Patrickstarho · 2024-07-12T19:49:14+00:00

Nah fr because the onus is on men to work on himself and improve himself only to throw all that away for a woman who won’t even put that time and effort in themselves.

It’s rare for a woman to have gone through that same thing, these type of woman are hard to find.

concretecannonball · 2024-07-12T10:40:40+00:00

Jesus Christ man the victim complex is CRAZY lol

SMV is a male invention. Y’all will do anything but be accountable for your own choices in life lmao if someone gives you advice, you don’t have to take it. Just because something doesn’t work for you or apply to you doesn’t mean it’s gaslighting or toxic. Please touch grass.

leosandlattes · 2024-07-12T15:12:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Telling men that doing a certain thing will help them improve their dating chances is toxic and damaging if that thing doesn't improve their SMV
Author	Spiritual_Hamster945
Upvotes	83
Comments	232
Date	July 12, 2024 8:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e1chgq/telling_men_that_doing_a_certain_thing_will_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/telling-men-that-doing-a-certain-thing-will-help.1524032 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524032

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