The problem is not being likable AND not having good looks (and being broke).

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-08-26T11:48:52+00:00

The perception of someone's personality depends on how attractive they are. Being a jackass as an attractive guy = people think that you are funny. Being a jackass as an unattractive guy = people think that you are a loser.

Same goes for everything. A hot gamer Chad is still a Chad. A normal dude who likes gaming is seen as a loser etc.

experienta · 2025-08-26T12:14:01+00:00

I didnt think this needed to be said again.

And I can't believe we need to this say again either: the problem is not that women are going for chad just because of his looks, the problem is not admitting it and pretending it's acshually the personality that matters and that's what women care about.

Like just say you wanna fuck hot dudes. I don't know why it's so hard for women to just say that.

HammieFondler · 2025-08-26T13:21:50+00:00

Guys complaining being single/sexless. Women explaining its because theyre assholes

Wait so are you actually saying that all single/sexless guys are assholes?

Hi-Road · 2025-08-26T13:51:04+00:00

You guys keep trying to moralize or rationalize women’s sexuality when no one’s asking for you to. It’s weird, it’s okay. So is men’s.

But i’ve talked to multiple women who’ve said they rarely, if ever actually sleep with someone they actually like. There’s men they regret sleeping with. Men they only slept with because he was around. Men they only slept with because drugs and alcohol were in the equation.

End of the day neither men or women know what they’re doing. There’s no rhyme or reason, so gaslighting people into “not understanding” just cause you feel like punching down on people daily is… lame

ViolentShallot · 2025-08-26T14:17:22+00:00

The biggest problem here is that you consider that being an asshole and having an unappealing personality are the same thing.

They aren't.

Exciting_Baseball982 · 2025-08-26T12:15:31+00:00

the same "it's your personality (unless you're hot or rich)" argument, so basically if a guy is struggling, he's an asshole. If he's successful, he's just confident. Got it. The goalposts are on wheels and powered by vibes.

jazzmaster1992 · 2025-08-26T11:55:00+00:00

Without knowing what a "good personality" is, it's difficult to have this discussion. Because that in and of itself can change definitions depending on who you ask. And I think some guys kind of see a real contradiction, where they are told having a good personality makes people like you, yet in reality it's that feeling of attraction which makes a person even consider anything with you that's not strictly cordial or platonic.

weenieandthebutt · 2025-08-26T12:24:12+00:00

There are loads of men who are likeable in general, have various circles, female friends etc the whole 9 yards. Yet they don't attract sexual attention because they're not the most conventionally attractive or lack of physical stature.

The whole "bad personality" argument only works if you're a complete loner with zero friends but is disingenuous when it comes to sexual attraction.

RedPillDad · 2025-08-26T15:30:49+00:00

While mom is driving her young daughter to school, and the daughter asks, "Mommy, where are all the jerks and idiots today?"

Mom replies, "Sweetie, they only come out when your father is driving."

In that context, which driver is an idiot? The one who appears to lack confidence and drives slower than dad. Who is a jerk? The aggressive, confident one who drives faster than dad.

For woman in dating, who is an asshole? It's the confident guy who doesn't bend to her will. She may not like him while still desiring him. Another variation is the guy who broke up with her. He's rebranded an asshole from that moment forward. Another variation is a person with genuinely contemptable behavior, but that tends to be the exception when derogatory words are thrown about so easily.

A man shouldn't fear being called an asshole by a woman, it's almost a badge of honor. You don't even have to go out of your way to offend a woman. If you just stop trying to be so respectful and politically correct, you'll automatically start accumulating Asshole Points without even trying.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-08-26T11:15:36+00:00

>Guys complaining being single/sexless. Women explaining its because theyre assholes

>Guys explaining “but assholes get women all the time”.This is my rebuttal to that: Those assholes are attractive (or rich).

Your second line completely negates the first one.

>There’s more to personality than morals. What about compatibility? Interests?

As well as this, because first you talk about being an asshole (which is about morality by definition), and then you move the goalpost that here we are talking about other personal qualities

It's sad when you don't know what you're writing about

LofiStarforge · 2025-08-26T11:16:12+00:00

Personality is shown to have very little effect sizes. There was a famous studies that had a bunch of colleges kids randomly assigned different dating partners based on what they were told were optimized personality assessments and traits they said they favored.

The result was stunningly clear: The only significant predictor of whether a person wanted to date their partner again was their partner's physical attractiveness.

Honestly it’s mostly why you see a lot of fake red pill LARPers they think they just becoming billy bad ass is enough when in reality it probably just makes things worse.

Although I don’t agree with their dooming the black pillers have the best frame of reference for dating more than any other pill.

3stun · 2025-08-26T11:31:32+00:00

Nah. Women are attracted to confidence and alpha behavior/vibe. Assholes are normally very confident and arrogant, and female attraction mechanisms get triggered, assuming "if he can get away with doing that stuff, he must be very powerful and have a high position in hierarchy, therefore he can secure my future and my safety, become my protector and provider".

It has been proven that dark triad traits are attractive to women, no matter the money or looks.

EducationPatient4622 · 2025-08-26T11:54:47+00:00

Most women assume im broke because "im mid", and im not flexing wealth in my pictures. But no way in hell that these women make more money than me, or train in the gym like me.

Some women, put everything in looks. They even evaluate your salary according to your looks, which is soooo so sososo superficial.

Lets make that clear, no beauty will be equivalent to my degrees and the hardwork behind. You must out of your damn mind to think "being pretty is worth your degrees". Unless ur an actress in hollywood or some onlyfans model, if u cant monetize it, FORGET IT.

Any woman that has no car, and calls me or any man broke while she doesnt have a car, is a broke moron herself.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-08-26T11:09:54+00:00

If a woman is choosing between two misogynist options, why would she go with the uglier one? That’s basic common sense.

Sqweed69 · 2025-08-26T16:11:29+00:00

This is bullshit, I am good looking and likable. I am simply broke. There is obviously far more nuance to this than you understand.

LogicalRun5792 · 2025-08-26T19:16:00+00:00

You could have just typed "Women like hot men lololol" and saved us some reading.

BogdanoffGangStalker · 2025-08-26T15:15:42+00:00

You've been making these kinds of posts for like the past 5 ish years, why do you have such a vested interest in this? Have you not secured your attractive dream guy in the time frame you've been super critical of the average to below-average man? Or is the thought of them being in happy relationships that they mutually benefit from disgust you so? How's the FDS working out for you? You've applied so many filters and bottlenecking on your dating desireables that I'm sure in your scrutiny you've found your partner! Unless you just do this to antagonize dudes already alone.

Secret_Worlder1992 · 2025-08-26T12:42:48+00:00

Not, the problem is not having good looks. Being likable without good looks just makes you liable to get taken advantage of.

John_Oakman · 2025-08-26T12:47:12+00:00

If you dont think being good/kind/nice is rewarding in itself

So given the premise of genuine moral virtues being wholly independent of worldly results and completely sourced internally, then does that imply the existence of a universal set of moral value that all [relevant]* humans understand on a innate level? And if not, how can moral virtues be taught without an incentive/disincentive structure?

*i.e. ignoring statistically insignificant exceptions.

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-08-26T13:26:46+00:00

I'm not sure you writing this here is going to solve the problem about men who don't attract women, but want to, from complaining about it. It's the same with women complaining about "how there are no good men."

Everyone is on their own journey. I don't disagree with anything you write, but some people are just discovering this and there will always be a population of people who are new to this perspective. The people who know this, won't be posting about it.

It's like a subreddit about painting where people come to ask basic questions about painting and the regulars in the sub complaining about the same questions for the millionth time. Why do you think those people are coming to the sub to begin with... because they know everything already? No, because they're looking for basic information.

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2025-08-26T11:15:25+00:00

Asshole behavior is a force multiplier. If you’re ugly, being a douchebag makes you even more repulsive. If you’re hot, being an arrogant douchebag makes you more attractive.

IgorXY · 2025-08-26T11:14:19+00:00

When people say “youre lonely because youre an awful person” its because most men dont have pretty privilege nor can afford a sugar baby….. so youre most likely gonna have to rely on your personality.

Just say "you are lonely because you are ugly and broke" then. Sure sounds bad, but I respect rude honesty.

How do you broadcast your morals, compatibility, interests? A person has to be willing to get to know you, and no one wants to get to know ugly broke guys, unless they are stack on some social island where they are forced to communicate.

If you dont think being good/kind/nice is rewarding in itself

Bro, don't use this word in vain here. Language experts will swarm you explaining how wrong you are.

Jetpine9 · 2025-08-26T14:46:25+00:00

There's some truth in what you say, but you carry it to an extreme and that's why it goes off the rails. Everyone seems to do that these days. No one ever doubts themselves. Is it just a carry over from how engagement works on the internet? I digress.

I've been in a few relationships, and had a few odd dalliances that were more than ONS but not quite full blown relationships. They were all great. The problem? They are so painfully extremely rare. That, to me, points out as much a defect in the system as it does a defect in my ability to function within the system. It's true I would have more success in the west if I was an extremely outgoing extrovert. It's basically the only legitimate personality type here somehow. But just because you aren't one of those doesnt' mean you're broken in some way. Obvs, women don't have to be that, so --- lets just start with that flawed double standard and point out that the whole premise is built on sand.

GTRacer1972 · 2025-08-26T13:23:40+00:00

I disagree with the good-looking or rich thing. Years ago in my former self, I was very shy. TBH, I still am, but I handle it differently (probably has to do with being Bipolar and a host of other issues). I had been with all of like maybe 5 or 6 women by the time I was 28. I was the nice guy looking for relationships and deep emotional connection and always wound up in the friend-zone. Then I started paying attention to what the assholes all do and my game dramatically changed. It's not about looks, I mean I don't think I'm bad looking, but I also don't think I'm Brad Pitt. And it's not about money at all, or I would not have had the experiences I did after that. It is 100% unwavering confidence. I don't know if it's still the same way, but if women are still dating jerks it is, but the minute the people you are into get the impression you could not care less if you hooked up with them or not, you become the forbidden fruit and they want you. I could have hooked up way more than I did, which is already a ridiculous amount, and I had a lot of other things going on, but when I went out I never came home alone.

But you know what, hooking up with a bunch of people made me personally feel like shit. I was horny, and bein with someone was better than masturbating, but tbh, it wasn't. It made me feel empty inside. Because it lacked that connection I used to look for. Sure, in the moment it was fun, but the minute they left or I left: emptiness. Melancholy. Infinite Sadness. Anyone see what I just did there? (SP).

I didn't stop that behavior till around 2012. I had been on-again, off-again with a girl I was in love with but was toxic for me because I had been toxic for her in the past. We were together a few years, and I was very immature about being in an adult relationship nd wanted an open relationship, and she rightfully dumped me. The problem was she missed me and we kept getting back together. Then she wanted an open relationship. Turns out I couldn't handle it, either. I had tried to fix what I broke earlier, but it was too late, but she wanted to keep me in her life to use me for things like errands and sex and I was happy to comply because I got to be around her. 2012 I hit my breaking point and cut it off completely. 2013 I met my wife. 2025 we have been married happily for 11 years now (we got married in 2014).

At no point in my journey was I ever rich. I'm still not. I do okay, I work for USPS now. Lower-middle-class income. To be honest women that are only into guys for looks or money are not worth anyone's time, like men into women for looks or how much they put out are not worth anyone's time. Personality is definitely key to being happy at least. I like kindness, empathy, intelligence, humor, and as my wife put it she likes all those things and being with someone that challenges her intellectually. I'd say pass on the empty sex and look for something meaningful.

ASnowfallOfCherry · 2025-08-26T14:01:23+00:00

It’s a mix of characteristics - looks, charisma, values, money, and status. For the DND nerds, just think of it as all the throws to set up a character. Better looking with lots of charisma and you can be the beach bum in your car. Good values, good job, decent looks and a Christian girl looking for a husband will look at you, but not a party girl.

And then there is compatibility. The girl’s throw needs to match yours.

MasculismForEquality · 2025-08-26T15:29:17+00:00

Have you tried being kind and curious?

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-08-26T17:13:53+00:00

What I don't understand is where some of you got the idea that being good/kind/nice is supposed to be rewarding in itself. You come up with this yourself, then use it as an argument, then say that everyone who disagrees with you is not good/kind/nice. You must be thinking of altruistic, not good/kind/nice.

YeaNobody · 2025-08-26T17:57:39+00:00

It's all a poison of the mind....sex with women will end up leaving a man feeling like why did I throw such a hissy fit over this? Meanwhile the women will feel used and unloved. Both destined to create a self fulfilling prophecy of unhappiness with only a small percentage of people establishing long lasting relationships (that could still fail at any point).

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Turbulent-Company373 · 2025-08-28T17:42:36+00:00

Some guys are not likeable, don't have good looks and are broke. Yet, they are lucky with women. It's hard to pinpoint one thing because everyone is different and what might work with one person might not work with another person. Usually, some guy who can sweet talk/ear tickle a woman is already ahead.

Turbulent-Company373 · 2025-08-28T17:35:47+00:00

Some guys are not likeable, don't have good looks and are broke. Yet, they are lucky with women. Go figure.

shockingly_bored · 2025-08-26T11:10:25+00:00

I 100% agree. But as an adult, don't palm off the responsibility for the fallout if it goes pear shape onto the rest of us. That's what you leave out. That despite saying rightly that women choose men based on attraction, that women will also blame their party men for her choices and his actions.

Title	The problem is not being likable AND not having good looks (and being broke).
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	339
Date	August 26, 2025 11:03 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n0irm5/the_problem_is_not_being_likable_and_not_having/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-problem-is-not-being-likable-and-not-having.1560521 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560521

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