Talking about the 80/20 database and the comparison of dating in the past and now, wouldn't it translate to that most of our mothers resented our dads?

social_mule · 2021-11-28T00:08:56+00:00

I agree. Who do you think has drilled it into three generations of women to "never depend on a man"? I'll tell you who. The previous generations of women who resented their husbands.

Yes, grandma resented grandpa.

quiturbitchn · 2021-11-27T23:52:27+00:00

Is this shocking to you? I can’t tell you how many old women have told me they wouldn’t have stayed with their partner if they had the means to leave

myopicdreams · 2021-11-28T08:34:27+00:00

Research has suggested women are happier when their partner is less attractive than they are: https://www.google.com/amp/s/brightside.me/inspiration-relationships/women-are-happier-with-less-attractive-men-according-to-a-study-802250/amp/

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-11-27T23:51:38+00:00

I wouldn't use the word resent but as I always say most relationships especially marriages there is a lot of settling going on, even these days, and I would argue that it was the same in our parents generation and the generations before

nemporisso · 2021-11-28T02:34:41+00:00

I don't know how it's supposed to make me feel, because the opposite applies for me. It has always made me feel sad that my father doesn't particularly like my mother, and that she feels like this is preferable to divorcing. She's amazing, and deserves better than him

Gerpstarg · 2021-11-28T03:20:06+00:00

Dating apps dont represent reality. In real life 5/10 women go with 6/10 men, on Tinder same 5/10 women aim for 9/10 men because of higher risk.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-27T23:42:55+00:00

My mom divorced my dad when I was like 5. I would have too.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-11-28T03:42:13+00:00

If you take the statistics of prostitution you'll the 80/20 rule there too, it's just that women use OLD like how men used to use prostitution before it was outlawed.

learn2earn89 · 2021-11-28T01:34:54+00:00

All my aunts (stay at home moms who are now in their 60s) were beaten by their husbands. They all carry some form of resentment. My mom got lucky with my dad. I think now that women don’t financially depend on men, marriage should be rare.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-27T23:51:01+00:00

I don't know why this is a shocking idea. At least in the US, the last state to criminalize marital rape didn't do so until the 1990s. Even today, there's a fairly strong belief that you can't turn down your spouse for sex.

I know my mom wanted me because she had no issue choosing abortion for an earlier pregnancy that she did not want. But my dad was/is a piece of shit, and I'm glad they divorced when I was very young. I have no real memories of them being together.

Seriously, this shouldn't come as a surprise. Marriage was a socioeconomic necessity for women for centuries. Do you actually believe that all of their husbands were men they would have chosen freely if being single had been an equally viable option?

ItIsnt0verYet · 2021-11-28T02:57:03+00:00

I don't think the 80/20 rule works in most cases outside internet guys heads. The women in my life who i know spend at least some time resenting their husbands had reason to.

My mother and grandmother are/were religious women. They wanted big families. My grandmother had less options and freedoms in her time. The marriage drove her to depression and the things my grandfather put his kids through pushed them far away. He was a good grandfather to us though. My mother had more options but things didnt really slide downhill until after she had kids, years into the marriage. I remember her crying every day as a child. My father was a good man but he refused to help raise his kids at all. Both were terrible husbands and fathers. Both refused to do beyond the bare minimum and sometimes less in raising their kids but they were good people outside of their marriages.

My mother and grandmother stayed married through it. Religious reasons.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2021-11-28T00:17:35+00:00

My dad was a Chad lite who treated my mom badly and cheated on her. She has repeatedly told me she regretted ever marrying him and that it was a mistake, but he was good looking and charismatic with some of the same hobbies she had. I also grew up lower class so most of my peers were raised by single mothers who had tried to baby trap a Chad type which went about as one would expect. I got to see with my mother and the mothers of my peers what happens when women prioritize Chad and his looks and the results were not good.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-11-28T01:28:06+00:00

My parents got together in HS and were together until my mothers death many decades later (my dad followed her a couple years later, after playing the field a bit before settling down with a LTR). Their marriage went through many phases, but there was a mutual respect, love, and friendship that carried them through the years

I loved that about them

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-11-28T00:02:11+00:00

The divorce rate for first marriages is 50%. That doesn't mean the other 50% are in happy marriages. Couples stay together unhappily for all sorts of reasons like children, religion, family pressure, finances, convenience, etc.

The "happily married" percentage after 10 years is probably 5-10%.

LittyKitsune · 2021-11-28T01:19:09+00:00

If this is true my grandma and mom married top 20% men. It's really hard for me to tell since the grooming and styles that were popular when they were young look ridiculous now.

unlivedbread · 2021-11-28T00:15:09+00:00

If you look at marriage satisfaction it doesn't reflect what you're thinking. good question though

nick1812216 · 2021-11-28T04:17:55+00:00

I’ve read there’s some biological evidence to support the existence of the 80/20 rule throughout human history! Mitochondrial DNA shows much more diversity than Y chromosomal dna, which some interpret to mean there are more female than male contributors to the gene pool. Or in other words, over the past couple hundred thousand years a small number of males have been hooking up with most of the women

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2021-11-27T23:31:42+00:00

If you mean that we are a product of our parents relationship which is a product of the times they’re born into then yeah that’s accurate, and frankly who cares. Tho I think it’s less likely that all women hated their husbands than it is that ppl married for similar reasons to arranged marriages. And it was just different not any more or less of value. I think the problem is mostly that some individuals value themselves too highly. “This guy is beneath me I won’t be with someone like him. The guy who just sleeps around that I want to be with is a bad person bc he doesn’t value me as a wife” or “women only chase chads who abuse them or use them and they should be with me who would treat them like a queen” is just a deflection by someone who isn’t accurately assessing their value on the dating market. Improve yourself, and also try to care about the things that lead you to a good relationship. Stop doing things like thinking you can change someone into being what you want, or expecting some man/woman to have to like you bc you like them. I certainly don’t see myself as that top 20% of guys but I’ve done just fine dating/relationship wise. Maybe one could argue that I am in that 20, but I don’t think that’s true, and don’t think it matters.

cuckspace · 2021-11-27T23:43:30+00:00

Men have been fooled into marriage for centuries, lied to and manipulated to sacrifice their freedom and resources for someone who doesn’t really love or desire them. They were made to believe that women desired gentler love, that they weren’t as interested in sex, that love developed slowly for women. All of it was a manipulation to get men to give them what they wanted.

Of course women shift blame to a Patriarchy, as if any man would willingly sacrifice his hard work for a loveless marriage built on a lie. If anything it’s a massive societal fraud perpetuated by a lying, scheming Matriarchy.

Yes, you will say that women were being held down with lack of professional opportunities, but that doesn’t explain why women continue to exhibit this behavior today, scheming to extract resources from men higher in the social hierarchy, when they have every opportunity to earn as much themselves.

jordan_form · 2021-11-27T23:44:53+00:00

settling is not being forced though. resent is also too strong of a word. there are women who are not physically attracted, but still 100% love their husbands. they care for them when they are sick, they do errands, the majority of household chores even when they are employed full time. they willingly and gladly have their children. many will retire with them and travel the world and go on adventures.

But because women are also human beings, they MAY fantasize about another hot guy. They may make a mistake and have an affair. Just the same way men might watch porn after they are married or cheat on their wife if they have an opportunity. If you don't want your feelings hurt, or you don't know how to forgive, or you want full control of an object, you can always get a doll.

lostwanderer28 · 2021-11-28T00:01:22+00:00

I don’t really understand the “how does this make us feel” element. Dwelling on that seems a little silly, if I’m being honest. My dad was, by pretty much every metric available, a piece of shit. My mother absolutely resents him, and she has every right to feel that way based on his destructive and abusive behavior.

Being the byproduct of a bad relationship is just a fact of life for some people. There’s no amount of bitterness or woe-is-me thinking that will actually change any of it. It doesn’t feel great, when you compare your experience to the fictional ideal family, but who cares? Get on with life, do better than your parents did.

ToughAnswers · 2021-11-28T00:25:44+00:00

r/natureismetal

CFinCanada · 2021-11-28T04:48:56+00:00

My father was physically attractive but she still hated his guts and filed for divorce seven months pregnant.

He deserved it tbh.

cccccclairee · 2021-11-28T01:32:46+00:00

I always thought Reddit skewed younger than I am, and from my parents generation on the divorce rate has been…. Not low. So I doubt it.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-11-28T02:16:04+00:00

Lol my mom didn't settle for a guy aka my Dad cause she had too . How old are you people on here ? My mom is 63 , even she had choices with a career , and marriage back in the 70s .

sypherprince · 2021-11-28T02:45:15+00:00

I can still think my dad was a useless piece of shit while also disliking modern modern womens' behavior.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2021-11-28T03:30:16+00:00

I was an accidental pregnancy for a teenaged mother, who married my father because "that's what you're supposed to do." She had no skills, no life experience, she couldn't survive without him.

On the day they divorced, I cried, not out of sadness but relief. Joy almost, that I would no longer have to live mired in the toxicity of their relationship.

I don't blame either of them, they were young and stupid, but it was a lesson in independence. I made certain I could support myself entirely so I'd never be trapped the way they were.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-11-28T06:18:09+00:00

I definitely think so. Pre social media I definitely think a lot of women settled for guys who gave them attention. I also noticed a lot more uglier guys with pretty women gen x and older no offense.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-11-28T07:38:16+00:00

Yes of course. My dad was a low self esteem, self loathing workaholic and alcoholic.

NeutrinoParticle · 2021-11-28T08:23:14+00:00

Considering that 80% of divorces are initiated by women, I'd say yes, that lines up perfectly.
Also, we have twice as many female ancestors as male ancestors (I.E: sharing chads).

boomershack · 2021-11-28T10:08:28+00:00

My mother does resent my dad and cheated on him, they're still together but it's a romanceless relationship. So... it's normal.

Hyak_utake · 2021-11-28T10:19:40+00:00

There’s a reason so many of us millennials/gen zs had divorced parents. They didn’t want to repeat the mistakes of their parents before them.

clitorophagy · 2021-11-28T10:54:52+00:00

This is a great example of why this sub has too much focus on visual attractiveness as the important thing about relationships. Once you’ve been married to someone for a decade the way they look is not nearly as important as other factors: How well do they take care of themself? Do they take on their share of household duties? How funny are they? How much fun are they to be with? How thoughtful and considerate? How selfish? Do they have talents and hobbies that they work on and improve? Do they have cool friends?

There’s a threshold of attractiveness at first but really, long term relationships are so much more about who you are and what is like it to be with you

goneaway2thewind · 2021-11-28T19:33:39+00:00

I have talked to countless women who were unsatisfied in their marriage. They believe they are entitled to something their husband won't give them, difference is, before they were able to just date another guy who will, but they essentially feel prisoner to a lifestyle they no longer want. Hence the countless divorces that follow.

Personally, I am apathetic. Much better than resentment or hate. Women are just women, they want the maximum happiness and comfort and are willing to manipulate or even completely drop others for their interests. My mothers and their friends blessed me by being completely honest, while I got to see their husband's foolish attachment to them despite the truth. They don't love men, only what men do for them, so if you don't do enough expect resentment.

2021-11-28T20:57:20+00:00

Yes! This is exactly the blind spot of men who wish for a return to traditionalist values, and socially enforced monogamy. They forget that a lot of to those women were absolutely miserable, and by association, so were their husbands.

Have any of you seen that centuries old meme of a fat woman chasing her scrawny little husband with a rolling pin? Well, to my recollection, that's from an actual information campaign that the government of England (I think it was) saw as necessary to put out there.

Women beating the living shit out of their husbands was actually so rampant that it was considered a social problem that warranted government involvement.

Think about that!

CommanderBobcat · 2021-11-28T21:28:54+00:00

Yes. That's where the cultural meme of women not liking sex comes from. In reality women very much like sex but only with men in the top 20%. It's more culturally stable for men on the whole to believe that women generally don't like sex than for the non top 20% men to discover that it's just their inferior genes that keep their wives from getting wet for them.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-28T00:26:16+00:00

Could mean that, but doesn't matter; had sex.

CriticalEscapeBike · 2021-11-27T23:51:53+00:00

"...men mostly aren't worth to spend a lifetime together with...."

But women are LOL.

Marriage is a con job for men.

(But...they're waking up).

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-11-28T05:25:57+00:00

Its almost as if... marriages shouldn't exist!

Lower-Neighborhood68 · 2021-11-28T04:22:42+00:00

As a queer person, non-binary but born and raised female, I have a really different perspective to my mother and grandmothers on my relationship with men. My matriarchs had no choice in the matter, and to be fair the men in my family are either mildly useless or have severe anger issues. Me on the other had, I could marry a woman but I chose to date men. Some of the men in my generation have also watched the miserable dynamics of our parents and grandparents and thought ‘well, I don’t want to be them’ like me. I think my generation (gen z) is progressing into more modern relationships where men and women aren’t just equal, gender roles hold no weight and I think we’re happier for it.

I don’t think men aren’t attractive enough, majority of women don’t have a choice in their attraction to men. I do think some men miss the mark in dating a bit, and tend to want to be too domineering or fail to recognise their own potential (don’t improve themselves)

As for the 80/20 database, fuck dating sights they all suck anyway.

LackOf_Empathy · 2021-11-27T23:26:50+00:00

She was more or less forcefully impregnated and as a result, we came onto this planet.

That's a bit of a stretch don't you think.

nemma88 · 2021-11-28T01:42:31+00:00

Most men are fine, it's a minority of men who have problems finding anyone attracted to them.

I think theres also some cause /affect issues here also not spoken of - like a man/woman can become unattractive to their partner because of resentment on other things in some cases rather than attraction being the driver for resentment.

pubgmisc · 2021-11-28T01:57:54+00:00

When women are left to their own devices they will go after their dual sexual strategy: alpha seed, beta need $. If the guy doesn't have both, she'll get it form one and the other etc.

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omegajelly200 · 2021-11-28T04:12:32+00:00

Yes, but our past generation parents stuck to each other no matter what.

If a relationship lasts long enough you will see more and more flaws in your partner, and in yourself as well.

NewWayNow · 2021-11-28T05:06:47+00:00

Of course. All throughout the agricultural and industrial revolutions, women married guys who turned their vaginas into the Sahara Desert. How do you think K-Y Jelly became such a popular product?

Things have begun changing only in the past few decades. The effects on society are profound, and they're only just beginning.

It's not a pretty situation, but I'm not sure what can be done about it.

Artistic_Guest4386 · 2021-11-28T10:20:06+00:00

....erm....they do

Freddsreddit · 2021-11-28T10:20:13+00:00

Not at all, but that most of our mothers settled? Absolutely

wtknight · 2021-11-28T14:34:29+00:00

Most average women eventually find a guy who is their attractiveness match even if they wish that they could attract a better guy. They usually hypergamously like something about him, even if he's not their ideal and is inferior in other ways.

Sometimes she eventually ends up resenting him because he eventually shows his flaws, or what she likes about him fades or changes with age. Other times this doesn't happen and she stays more or less in love. It's the way that female attraction works, but I don't think that one can say that 80% of men are resented by the women who become their wives/long-term partners. Furthermore, many of the 20% of men who are sexually attractive, which is what 80/20 actually measures, end up being poor long-term partners and the women end up resenting and wanting to separate/divorce from them anyway, while some of the men who are outside of the 20% of most attractive men end up being great long-term partners.

jackb773 · 2021-11-28T18:21:43+00:00

How many men currently in their 30s had mothers who married out of financial needs? My mother certainly did not but still seems to resent men. I'm not sure why. I think she's just an asshole.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-11-28T19:34:03+00:00

Idk where do you live but in my (western) country there are lots of beautiful women walking the streets with their average and ugly looking husbands.

Of course they are unhappy with their marriages and have shitty sexual lives, but not marrying? That's not something most women plan for their lives.

Most women settle at the end for companionship, stability and children.

Actually, most women settle even sometimes at the bigining and they don't even realize it if they are not experienced enough.

And there are also a lot of women who go their entire lives sexually unsatisfied. There are A LOT of them walking around.

I swear I would have to borrow some extra hands to count the amount of women I've personaly know that confessed me their boyfriends/husbands can't make them orgasm, or say something along the lines of "I have to be in the mood to reach climax, so it doesn't happen that often / I'm happy anyways if it doesn't happen".

Every single time I hear a woman say "I can't cum from PIV / oral does nothing for me" I think "damn her partner must suck in bed". One of my exes thought orgasming was actually getting wet, and dude she was very promiscuous. Another ex gave MINDBLOWING blowjobs but she said she was "stinky" down there and that's why not a single guy she had dated ate her out... Can you believe it? She was giving the guys awesome blowjobs but none of them retuned the favour???

Mind you, the girl was very clean down there and shaved pretty much weekly. She also had one of the cutest vaginas I've seen in my life so I loved to eat her out.

My fiancee had two sexual partners before me, she orgasmed ONCE, in 24 YEARS, while she and the guy were kissing and she started to rub it on top... WITH THE CLOTHES ON!

We were having sex once and she said something like "so THIS is how it supposed to be" and laughed. I said "what?" and she started telling me about how much guys suck in bed and let me tell you... I felt ashamed on behalf of my genre.

Oh and she didn't like to recieve oral too. "It did nothing for her" she said, "my ex tried but didn't work"... Oh dear, so innocent...

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-29T05:09:10+00:00

Yeah, that post was bullshit

And come from parents who met as a ONS. Together since 40 years. Still cute

My maternal grand parents.. My grandpa told me their story. Not many people visited him, so I'm happy I know that.

My grandpa teased my grandma a lot when they were children. He annoyed her so much. He saw her back a few years later and she remembered him as the annoying boy. He courted her at dance nights at the church. They grew in love

He had to go away for 6 months for work. He asked her to wait and she agreed. They were together for 70 years.

I'm certainly not a product of resentment... But my family never took money in account for Chosing a mate

Mossimo5 · 2021-11-29T17:50:09+00:00

Well, I know my mom sure as hell resented my Dad (I don't blame her, he's an awful person) and got divorced. She also resented my step dad and divorced him too (a very decent man who she used as a simp to support herself and her two children- she did what she had to do but it definitely wasn't right at all, now that I'm ten years older than her during her first and second marriages, I see things in a different light for sure). So yeah, I would guess most married women in the past definitely resented their partners, but learned to live with it or divorced later on in life when the stigma was dying down.

hearyoume14 · 2021-11-29T19:15:02+00:00

My dad’s parents were married almost 60 years before he died.They were still flirting with each other well into their 70s.

My Mom’s parents decided they were better as friends.She and her siblings were raised by their parents and step mother.Apparently it was very civil and not living together made her parents relationship stronger.

My parents were together 30 years and stayed together to long because they were to comfortable together.I am under adult guardianship so my parents have to communicate sometimes but they are much happier now.

Two aunts married abusers. One had has an amazing ex-husband,she ended up in a cult and it took time to realize she was a lesbian,and the other married because she didn’t want to be alone.

My uncle’s marriages vary from great to why are you together.

One side of the family tends to be married with at least one kid by 25.

DontwantaFairOne · 2021-11-28T12:17:18+00:00

Yes, most of y’alls divorced moms are 304s anyway

Khanluka · 2021-11-28T23:36:00+00:00

Just a random thot but why do woman not teach there sons to become better husbands? Like i agree with this post my parent generation of woman hated there husbands for the most part but instead of teaching there daughtes indepences the never try teaching there son not to be like their father.

So plenty turn out pretty much the same.

Title	Talking about the 80/20 database and the comparison of dating in the past and now, wouldn't it translate to that most of our mothers resented our dads?
Author	lostwanderer28
Upvotes	51
Comments	284
Date	November 27, 2021 11:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r3prq3/talking_about_the_8020_database_and_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/talking-about-the-8020-database-and-the-comparison.1086218 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086218

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