What made you finally decenter men from your life?

top_of_the_stairs · 2021-11-23T21:37:22+00:00

Finally realizing that my "romantic" relationships have been an ongoing primary destabilizer throughout my life. So much chaos and trauma and disappointment. I'm happier, healthier, and more centered, the more I decenter men from my priorities/attention 🤷‍♀️🙂🥰

Spittens · 2021-11-23T21:50:04+00:00

Realizing that it was men who were causing all the drama, heartache, stress, and bullshit in my life.

Once I decided not to put with or waste time on bullshit from men, I started making huge strides towards accomplishing my dreams. My stress went down, my health improved drastically, and my bank account started a huge uphill trend.

It's been over two years and this is the healthiest, fittest, happiest, most financially stable I've ever been. The longer I ignore men in my personal life the better it gets.

LiquidSapphire · 2021-11-23T22:06:55+00:00

Honestly, I just reached a limit of pain where I realized that I'd rather be single and alone forever than put up with one more LVM. It made me much more picky. You have to be okay with being single. It's the only way to come from any position of power. You must always know that you can walk away and not only be okay but also great on your own if you walk away. It's so important.

shaezamm · 2021-11-23T21:26:11+00:00

My abusive ex lit the fire (of course), but it wasn’t him that led me to decenter men from my life. It was being exposed to his overt abuse tactics, manipulation, gaslighting and persistent lying for so long. I didn’t know it was possible to be so uncaring and entitled with no remorse whatsoever. His abuse hurt me enough to become hyper-vigilant and much more self-aware. Now, I notice his patterns of behaviour in almost every man I come across. At first I’d question my gut feeling because I know all about cognitive bias and how nobody is immune to it even if they’re aware of it… but now I trust myself and my gut feeling more and more every day, and don’t question myself anymore. His abuse gave me the power to trust myself now. Plus the amazing ladies of this sub have given me more confidence in trusting my gut feelings. It’s so satisfying to see so many women feel exactly like I do. And seeing so much support and sisterhood is amazing

Thank you, OP. And thank you, all you beautiful women

Solid-Liquid · 2021-11-23T21:54:35+00:00

My ex ignoring me for 4 months and then texting me to come over and fuck. Broke up with him and haven’t laid eyes in him in 2 years but he recently tried to circle back under the guise of he’s a changed man and I was like “nah”

Alpha_Aries · 2021-11-23T21:27:10+00:00

My male “friends” kept crushing on me, being emotionally needy, and projecting their resentment onto me. They are the true drama queens

Also, I felt like a bad feminist for not really cracking into my internalized misogyny. I was bad at making friends with women because of it. Years later, I’ve done so much work. I have all girlfriends and a whopping single male friend who has a long term girlfriend. I still don’t talk to him like I would a female friend.

cakewalkofshame · 2021-11-23T22:10:04+00:00

It was dating a guy who was "not that bad" and one of the relatively good ones and realizing he still was manipulative, selfish, and needy, and that hanging out with him was tedious and got in the way of me living my best life. And realizing I just don't need sex anymore. And of course finding FDS and reading all the stuff here and listening to the podcast.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-11-24T02:31:51+00:00

Honestly, this pandemic. When the pandemic started I was working a high stress job in a male dominated industry. I had little time for a personal life outside of time spent with my boyfriend who also worked for the same industry, and you know what I realized when shit hit the fan? No one has any idea what they are doing. I'm close to a lot of powerful people because of the work I do, and they have no idea what they are doing half the time. The shitshow of the last two years truly made me realize that 1. There is no normal way to live life; 2. I am a lot smarter and more capable than I ever gave myself credit for in the past; 3. Our time on this earth is limited and could be gone any second. This life changing event really made me realize all this and consider where I was focusing my energy and how my focus didn't align with my values. I started caring about what made ME happy and started focusing on building a life I loved. Since the start of the pandemic, I dumped that boyfriend, bought a duplex, changed jobs, bought a motorcycle, got another dog (I now have 2), and currently have little interest in men that aren't crazy about me enough to pursue me openly and passionately. Life is so short and there are so many things to experience, so many significant things beyond the scope of a relationship. I think being faced with the real threat of losing the ability to pursue those things in my lifetime snapped me out of this male focused worldview I had been indoctrinated into since childhood. I live for me now and I'm never going back.

lvrcalii · 2021-11-24T00:14:42+00:00

Dating someone I thought was kind and possibly my future who tried his best to wreck my life and self value. In hindsight, I realized I have never met a man I would want to make decisions if I were brain dead on a ventilator (I work in health care). At that point I said screw it, I'm done. I'd rather be alone than stressed, self conscious or controlled.

pinkgirly111 · 2021-11-24T00:03:41+00:00

they always want to bring me down. they start out gassing me up, then start tearing me down. i'm tired of it.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-11-24T02:15:17+00:00

For me, it was when I left my job to open my own a business in the same field. I realized how much the men I worked with/for used validation (both giving and retracting) like strings on a marionette doll to manipulate me and other female colleagues. When my career/business immediately prospered far beyond that well established company, I knew it was all a ruse. I was always better than them. They knew this. They also knew that the patriarchy grooms women to seek male approval and validation. Instead of bettering themselves, they utilized that to bring me down and keep me in my “place”. Basically pressing pre-programmed buttons on a machine. All of those years of; harassment, anxiety, 2am drunk text messages and voicemails degrading me, it was all a ruse.

Now I make multiples of their salaries so 🖕🏽

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-23T21:42:37+00:00

I don't know if I ever truly centered men in my life... I always came back to myself, from teen years on, and centered my own wants and needs, and felt at peace. I do know that with my late second husband, he and I centered each other, and it was great. But I also knew after he died, as an older woman, I was probably not going to date, and definitely not going to marry a third time.

Overall, I tried my whole life to treat men (women too) like I'd like to be treated, found them pretty well wanting, with a very few exceptions; I have had some male friends throughout my life, but those relationships were just different than those I had with women. After my happy second marriage, I realized I was just done overall, and would only want living apart together and keeping finances separate as a way to prioritize and ensure my own independence.

As far as male validation, I've experienced very little of that, partly from growing up fat. I always was validated by everyone for being smart, but looks wise? Just didn't happen.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-24T00:06:19+00:00

Finally realizing that’s a waste of time the majority of time and women don’t have any benefits from it. Also past relationships with a narc and lvm just made me want to be better to never ever gave them s chance to even being with me.

Personal growth and helping other women is the way and doesn’t feel tiring or hopeless like many relationships out there

Squeakendorf · 2021-11-23T22:39:02+00:00

I was whining to someone about how I was afraid I’d never find a man and she said “okay…what would happen if you didn’t?”. My knee jerk reaction was to think I’d just be sad for the rest of my life, but then I realized that didn’t make any sense and that really it would mean I could stop centering my life around a hypothetical man and start doing whatever the fuck I wanted to do.

sleutherino · 2021-11-24T01:56:10+00:00

When I broke up with my first long term boyfriend who I thought was helping me to "mature", but was really causing tons of problems that I didn't have before.

He acted like he was the solution, while actually being the cause. Took awhile for me to see it, but once the pattern was seen, it couldn't be unseen. The more I read, and the more aware I become, the easier time I have "decentering" men from my life.

Nobody is going to prioritize ME the way I will. Gotta remember that, and not let some man try to convince you that they're the solutions to problems you wouldn't even have without them.

mindwindansea · 2021-11-23T23:38:00+00:00

Dating for 10 years without finding a relationship. The hundreds of failed dating experiences I had accumulated over a decade sat piled on my chest, and at the very end, any small disappointment in dating was crushing. Meaningless rejections would leave me depressed for a full week.
When someone I barely knew cancelled on me, it damped my spirit, and that was the straw. I reflected back on my experiences and concluded I had given it my best. I had left my sweat soul out on the field, and there was nothing more to be done. It was time to walk away.
I decided to focus my time and energy into getting as excited as I could about my life and my future without a man in the picture. I decided I would no longer accept dates from a man I didn't already know relatively well. No more online dating, no more set-ups from friends, no more giving my number a guy from the coffee shop line. I started reading books and podcasts that normalize single-hood.

My future has never looked brighter.

literal_salamander · 2021-11-24T00:26:49+00:00

Falling out with my dad whom I adored. I loved him so much that I blinded myself to his abusiveness, selfishness and moral failings. It was a rock bottom, switch flipping, wake the fuck up realization for me that my abusive ex partner was exactly the same sort of man as my dad, and that I was done trying to put them first and turn my life inside out upside down for them when they were completed and utterly ungrateful for it.

Fiebre · 2021-11-23T21:38:24+00:00

Mostly reading about shit men do and finding similar minded women.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-11-23T23:21:39+00:00

Being abused and having to live/deal with that trauma. I realized how much of what I was focusing on before ... was wrong.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-23T21:50:57+00:00

Realising that all men I encounter can't speak normally. It's always some form of verbal abuse. Interrupting, stupid juvenile jokes, can't follow the conversation, doubting, negging, nitpicking, one-upmanship, devil's advocate, smug superiority complex, blatant misinformation said with confidence, eyes flicking to my chest, pornsick eyes and nothing interesting to say.

Interacting with men who are lazy, greedy, selfish and feel entitled to violate my rights and boundaries is demoralizing and draining.

I haven't met one man who has given as much, or more than he's taken. That they're all misogynists who firmly believe in gender stereotypes, male supremacy, female inferiority and subjugation, and that we have a personality disorder if we don't want to cook and clean for a man.

Women trying to be like men, fuck like men, speak like men, compete in their stupid hierarchy and time-wasting power struggles is female devolution.

swaylyn · 2021-11-24T00:40:24+00:00

Got into relationship with one, and when I look back on it from beginning to end… there was no point where I ever went “wow this relationship is going to go the distance” But even in the beginning and all throughout the relationship I was always assessing and thinking about breaking up.

And while I know a healthy compatible relationship wouldn’t have me dreaming of single life and thinking about just ditching the dude.

The fact that a relationship was just not impressive to me. There’s too much to it for it to have the hype society has shoved down our throats.

Need to be decent with their friends, family, and they need to be someone that fits well with you and your values otherwise yikes. And then being thoughtful and considerate of them.

Relationships are a lot of worth. I believe it’s worth it if the person is right, but most aren’t.

Now that I’ve seen what the hype is about…. I’m good.

I after I dumped the dude I just no longer felt that need for male attention, to find a bf. I did it once, and I learned soooo much about myself And the wrong man can RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

Noooooooo thank you.

modernmedusaa · 2021-11-24T11:43:30+00:00

The fact that I know tooooooooooo many women disappointed by men

The fact that you can date all different kinds of men and even be way out of their league & they still hold the assumption they can drop the act/ behave badly after some time & you’ll still stay

Oh and learning about the manosphere- that made me look at past ‘relationships’ in a whole new lens

Life is much better when you stick them on the back burner

shoelaceys · 2021-11-24T02:25:57+00:00

Im similar to you. I just craved male attention and felt like I was worthless without it. Didn’t realize until I found FDS that I kept going for these lowlife losers who made me feel worse about myself. So I guess FDS helped me see the light.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-11-24T12:38:25+00:00

That despite all my virtuous personality traits, intelligence and beauty, men have repeatedly love bombed, devalued and discarded me. I’m always competing with some fantasy girl, they’re just waiting for to come along. Being a pick-me wasn’t serving me at all.

I realised I receive deeper and more meaningful affection from my interactions with my female relatives and friends. I also find it easier to make and keep female friendships no matter where in the world I am.

2340000 · 2021-11-23T22:01:38+00:00

Ironically, breaking ties with my abusive mother🤷. She was codependent and I was enmeshed.

I was a naive pickme because of socialization, but mainly it was a survival tactic to escape her abuse. After entering an abusive relationship in college, I was unable to keep up the facade. Never in my life had I been that angry or depressed. I felt stupid, because I didn't know what sexual assault really was. And stupid because I wasted over two decades of my life trying to be loved.

After that, it was a snowball effect. I left Christianity and am now an atheist. My sexuality isn't defined by heterosexual attraction to men. Just, so many things that would take me hours to explain.

I feel so free🌤️

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-24T02:32:09+00:00

I don't think I ever have...not really anyway (or I'm not aware, yikes!)

I've always had high standards and never "gave them a chance" because I felt that was foolish. I've been single my whole life because of it and thought "Maybe I need to try harder"

FDS just taught me not to be ashamed of my standards, and that they've been here this whole time protecting me.

At this point I'd rather try and center women in my life...if they'd have me!

guineagirlie · 2021-11-24T09:03:19+00:00

I was sick of swinging between such strong emotions all the time. Excitement, romance and love straight to pain and anxiety, self hatred, feeling used…. And then some good ol’ manipulation swings the emotions back again! It’s exhausting. I said enough in 2018 when I fell pregnant to this guy I was dating for 6 months or so. I told him about it over the phone. He said he was on his way right over. So 30 mins passed, an hour passed, couple of hours… then he messaged me and said he and his mate ended up going to one of the boys houses for a beer. I had one of those real painful moments where I looked inward and said ENOUGH NOW. And he didn’t even offer to help pay for the abortion (despite me asking and even setting a payment plan for him lol). I feel more centred now, in control, confident in my ability to give me exactly what I want and need. I’m excited (not anxious as I once was) thinking about my future with the love of my life… me :)

lexyglass · 2021-11-23T22:18:05+00:00

Realizing that most men just project their insecurities onto women. Also a lot of them have low emotional range. Most only show 3 A's : amusement, arousal, anger.

ironglaciers · 2021-11-24T02:34:31+00:00

Disappointment. 😅

themgatorshadestho · 2021-11-23T21:52:20+00:00

Realising that they seem to be incapable of appreciating what they have.

How many LVM have you seen finally find a woman who will put up with his BS, only to suddenly think he's God's gift to women and suddenly want someone who's a perfect 10 "cool girl" archetype? How many LVM have you seen disrespect their wives and girlfriends who are clearly way too good for them? How many men have you had come crawling back to you once they've realised how badly they messed up and/or after seeing you level up without them?

I should be the focal point of my life, not someone who hasn't proven himself to be a trustworthy HVM!

Vector_4_Food · 2021-11-23T22:33:48+00:00

Omg so cliche but I had just gotten out of a marriage with a diagnosed narcissist (rare they get diagnosed at all but hey, I "bullied" him into gOiNg tO tHeRaPy). Two months later I had a heart attack and a near death experience. Cheesy as hell but the love, peace and expansiveness I felt while dying was the first time I felt love since my mom died. The relationships I had with men were a life destroying slog that I got nothing in return for. And I now know that I can create that feeling of love all on my own and I do it routinely. I'd be willing to let a man in again only if he can spark that same glow in my chest that I can. So far no dice.

Heather619 · 2021-11-24T07:16:07+00:00

I started pretty early on. My former best friend got a boyfriend when she was 14. She would lie to me and our other friends, saying she couldn't hang out with us because she had to babysit her younger sister, when she was actually hanging out with her boyfriend. This dishonesty led to her losing all of her friends, so she had no one when they broke up 2 years later. I vowed to never let a man do that to me. Also, being career-oriented naturally led to me always putting my dating life on the back burner.

Underhiseye2021 · 2021-11-24T05:44:49+00:00

Oh how I wish FDS had been around when I was younger! What might have been! The good news ladies is there comes a time when you never again care about men or sex. Menopause is awesome! And the best part is you’re never jerked around by your hormones ever again. If I had only leveled up and demanded better, my life would have been more exciting, more fulfilling. I’m making up for it now, and thank goddess! I have my impending widowhood planned out, and moving my life towards it now, and I will never again feel insecure, never entertain a fool and never wrap my life around a man ever again.

mandoa_sky · 2021-11-24T08:13:23+00:00

when i realise a lot of men i run into remind me of my 10-year-old students - like i can just about stand the kids because of my job and paycheck. i can't handle doing it for free.

burnedasawitch · 2021-11-24T11:48:26+00:00

I realized that I was having to limit myself and censor myself so that I wasn't undermining their masculinity. I've got better things to do than undermine their masculinity. I've definitely got better things to do than trying not to undermine their masculinity. My priorities have shifted towards becoming more authentically myself rather than hiding my light under a bushel.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2021-11-23T21:32:18+00:00

Since I was a child. I didn't want to be a wife or mother from a very young age. Most mother's I saw were deeply unhappy and that only deepened as their children grew older and more autonomous. Their husbands did very little and were bad parents and worse partners. All in all it seemed like a drag.

I realized boys made for bad friends too. As a teenager they made for worse friends, they were pretty boring, mean, and coercive. As an adult I noticed men my age lacked the maturity of an adult, it was like they still had the mind of a child. Most men I met lacked compassion, empathy, close friendships, and the ability to express themselves effectively. Anything seemily nice they did always had an easily discernable alterior motive which was usually trying to fuck. It was clear they needed me far more than I needed them. I had lots of friends, good familial relationships, hobbies, and concrete plans for my future. Most men were waiting for someone to give them purpose and that just seemed like not my problem.

Basically men were never the center of my life. Which is why I never needed a dating strategy because liking myself and being completely uncompromising got me everything I wanted. I also picked up what y'all would term a HVM in the process but it was never a need just a cool if it happens.

Codex-42 · 2021-11-24T07:05:27+00:00

A few years ago, I had the worst breakup with the man who was the love of my life, I broke it up. I don't want to go into details about what happened but it was one of the worst experiences of my life... After picking myself up, and starting to rebuild, I've notice that I'm actually a person with tones of energy and ability - that I waisted, for years, on making relationships with LVM work.

Once I directed this energy towards myself and my life, amazing things happened - I got so close with people that I love, I have progressed so far in my hobbies and learned new things, I studied and started a really rewarding career in tech, I just feel like I can do anything in life and I'm enjoying so much from my investments.

I'm in a relationship now but I keep this rule - the most of my energy is directed towards myself. You can talk to someone until you lose your voice - or sing until you lose it. You can clean up after someone for 2 hours each day or you can spend them reading, socialising, learning how to skateboard or whatever. The difference is that on the first option your reward is dependent on someone else rewarding you (giving you love, attention, or changing toxic behaviour) and on the second option you get rewarded instantly with an improvement of your life, friendships, talents, career or spiritual growth - since it's only up to you.

Invest in yourself! Direct your energy towards yourself.

lylithian · 2021-11-24T06:17:18+00:00

In the beginning, while I already limited my platonic interactions with men because of past experiences, I still gave men whom I was attracted to the benefit of the doubt, and believed they would treat me with respect (ha!). I have less than 5 relationships entering mid 20s and they all lasted less than 6 months, thus most of my life is me being single. I noticed how I have more peace, self-love, and self-respect while being single, compared to my dating period where my peace and esteem depended on the guy.

I realized how wasteful I have been with my time either fantasizing/crushing a dude or picking myself up after heartbreaks.

The relationships weren't as good as I expected (aka what the media LIES to you) - the rewards aren't as high as the risks - so I started thinking maybe romantic relationships are overrated, hence completely decentering men from my life (cause I already decenter them from my platonic circles).

Then I bumped into FDS. You queens validate all my gut feelings and even more, encourages me to raise my standards and enforce my boundaries to protect my inner peace.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-24T08:19:55+00:00

realizing that I do not need male validation to exist.

I've been spoonfed that I need male validation early on. and it starts with the father figure.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-11-23T22:39:30+00:00

This sub helped me. Finding like-minded women really made me feel like I wasn’t crazy or “sensitive” like my exes and the media made me think.

Specific-Jellyfish-4 · 2021-11-23T23:29:50+00:00

I realised that I was trying to "fix" my boyfriends (whether they were from a broken home, had mental health or self-esteem issues or were struggling to find a job/be successful in life) both as a way of desperately trying to earn unconditional love, loyalty and acceptance, and in order to avoid focusing on my own mental health issues, weaknesses and lack of motivation in terms of career, hobbies and the future. I made my life and future all about them and it served as a kind of distraction or procrastination from my own issues, and it wasn't until the guy I was in a very, very lengthy situationship with started dating a young girl who was the same age as me when I first met him (he's more than 5 years older than me), that I really snapped out of it, started therapy and medication, took up new hobbies, found an amazing job that I adore and really started living life for me. I'm in such an amazing, happy state of mind now and I'm so grateful to be joyfully single and focusing on my family, friends and career :) I thought people were exaggerating about how fast we level up when we remove the ungrateful and selfish people from our life but here I am, living my happiest and most successful and confident life!

wahwahthrowaway123 · 2021-11-23T22:46:43+00:00

Realizing all my issues with men weren’t an individual problem with me. That I wasn’t defective. Basically finding FDS. And then continually seeing every man not live up to my new better standards. Just realized that the likelihood of finding a HVM is even lower than I thought. Might as well focus on other parts of my life that are in my control.

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2021-11-24T11:08:22+00:00

I reached a limit of pain where I realised Men were not serving me - and pickme woman.

The upper limit was meeting a guy online who love bombed me, futured faked and the usual. He then sexually assaulted me / cohersed me and I ended up pregnant.

This was all whilst working during the pandemic as front line health. I was left to emotionally and physically pick up the pieces whilst he walked away free with nil remose. He did apologise (big of him) - but it made me realise many many things.

I had to pick myself up alone as I did not tell anyone about it as I was so ashamed, I started therapy and have been doing it for the past 12 months and likely will not stop anytime soon. I had a total disconnect with my worth and LVM - my therapist is a feminist and a woman and has made it easier / she is FDS.

I realised patterns and it took me to this stage to realise how much I had physically and mentally let myself be open to LVM and abusers. I have so much work left to do. I also realised my female relationships were mimicking my male ones.

So yes, sadly it took something horrific to happen to me to take a long hard look at my patterns, where they has come from and why I continued to allow Pickmes and LVM centre in my life.

bananabananabanana99 · 2021-11-23T21:27:47+00:00

I had some experience with being comfortable on my own, but then I thought that maybe I was missing out on something? And that’s exactly where the trouble began. I could write a whole book about how seeking male validation is equivalent to emotional (and at times physical) self harm. That was also when my troubles with mental health began, although I was always very confident and had high self esteem my entire life before. What really saved me, was holding on to the feeling of happiness that I felt many years before, and although it was really difficult because I was so far gone, and definitely suffering from depression... it was what finally pulled me out of a toxic 5 year slump. 5 years seems like a long time... but my life was literally wasting away. It’s only been 6 months now, but I’m almost fully healed. I also keep FDS as a daily reading, and I am staying away from dating and sex for a long time too.

dittokidd0 · 2021-11-23T23:05:55+00:00

I'd always been one of those women who HAD to be in a relationship....even a terrible one. I just couldn't fathom being alone. Even when I escaped my horrible abusive LVM and moved in with a female friend to start my life over in an entirely different time zone, I was back on dating sites making the same mistakes. Then covid happened, I was forced to be mostly alone for over a year and now I'm fairly convinced I want it to stay that was for the rest of my life (I'm 40). Zero desire to share my bed or snuggle anyone that isn't my corgi. Once every few months I'll have one too many glasses of wine or something and end up OLDing and immediately regretting it. FDS has been essential for me...I've never had a group or website be so hugely life changing!

reylomeansbalance · 2021-11-24T11:09:27+00:00

I was blessed with a family where the only man was my uncle, the quiet one on the corner, while 15 women took over everything. Men where NEVER the center of anything and to this day Im actively confused about WHY anybody would put them in that position. You know that quote "men are like buses, there always another one coming in 15 mins" thats how I was raised. I had the only single mom in the school, and every time one of the dads cheated on their wives I counted myself lucky.

Whenever I meet men my only concern is maximizing my happiness. FDS did help me recognize scrote behaviour tho. Turns out some of my coworkers are wannabes pick up artists. The funny thing is their tatics only ever made me pity them.

maracat1989 · 2021-11-24T14:13:13+00:00

I was also always chasing validation and protection from men! And then I realized this is exactly what I was missing from my relationship with my father growing up.

Prttykittenn · 2021-11-23T21:52:04+00:00

Growing up, I never got any attention from men so I never had to decenter them from my life. Men not being the center of my life has always been the default mode, which is not entirely positive since I do have the tendency to let pass opportunities to establish meaningful connections.

Suspicious_Bad_5178 · 2021-11-24T12:24:44+00:00

I think I'm still in the process, but for me it was working towards my goals. Having a well kept home, working out, dedicating myself to my job and my studies, it just takes a lot of time! So I didn't have time to center my life around men.

OutlandishnessOk · 2021-11-24T02:14:31+00:00

The beginning of the process was realizing how much more successful I would be if I had done it earlier.

But I finally made the decision seriously when I met a fwb (since I "wasnt dating") who checked all of my the boxes I've had my whole life. He was kind, attentive, honest, always made me feel cared for... and it wasn't enough. I had all the things I had spent my life begging for, my infatuation ran it's course, and I realized that I could only fulfill myself.

Alarmed-Seat-4664 · 2021-11-24T00:10:23+00:00

Surrounding myself with good female friends and actually doing stuff and having fun.

twenteetoo · 2021-11-24T01:13:59+00:00

Leaving an abusive home having lived as a witness of DV for years and realising I was only yearning for love (from a guy) ad i was actually yearning for safety and freedom. I'm now free and very happy

afrodeasyak · 2021-11-25T04:58:41+00:00

Realising how so much fun, quiet and stable my life is without a man at the center. I'm a serious romantic that was always left disappointed, unfulfilled and bamboozled whenever dating or in a relationship. Also, the amount of tiiiime I have to do absolutely nothing and everything my heart desires is too good to give up.

medivmdemon · 2021-11-24T08:53:55+00:00

Well to this day I often get shit from my father like "boys don't xy girls' (and xy being a characteristic I have), " xy behaviour is not ladylike" and a lotta comments about what boys would like and what values a girl should have to be needed by boys. Fun fact: me and my sister both get this and we're both underage 😃. I'm also more interested in myself and non-binary fellas than men (not out to parents), so for years now I couldn't have given more fucks abt men. It's a great feeling that I'm not constantly thinking about crushes and what my targeted genders for relationships think about me. Guys have never played a big role in my life, and maybe that's why my dad's like this. He's got this expectation of me getting a diploma, a good paying job, and then settle with a man and have children. Big L for a father imo.

theglossiernerd · 2021-11-24T16:15:34+00:00

When I came to my breaking point there was a song that deeply resonated with me called “Crying Over You” and the lyrics basically lay it down:

You don't, you don't care like you used to You don't want me there like you used to I keep wasting every night waitin' for you to say goodbye But if you won't, you won't, I'll make the first move I choose cryin' over you I choose silence over being lied to I choose drinkin' alone, drownin' in my tears in my bedroom 'Cause it'll make me happier than you do I choose crying over you You know, you know just how to get me How to take my love and use it against me I keep wastin' all my time tryin' to make the wrong things right I hope you like your bed when it's empty 'Cause I choose cryin' over you I choose silence over being lied to I choose drinkin' alone, drowning in my tears in my bedroom 'Cause it'll make me happier than you do I choose cryin' over you Yeah I choose cryin' over you Yeah, yeah The truth is I'll only get over you if I choose cryin' over you I choose silence over being lied to I choose drinkin' alone, drownin' in my tears in my bedroom 'Cause it'll make me happier than you do I choose cryin' over you

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-11-23T22:08:10+00:00

After my last breakup, I decided my choice in men was hideous and I needed to be single for a while.

3 years later man free and I'm loving the freedom and the peace. My life is so drama free now.

I also got more and more into feminism after my last breakup. I'm pretty much a radfem now. Men seem redundant.

UniquePreparation4 · 2021-11-24T15:02:08+00:00

Antidepressants.

velvettwilight · 2021-11-25T20:43:24+00:00

When I realised i was a lesbian

2021-11-24T20:01:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	What made you finally decenter men from your life?
Author	Lost_Kale90
Upvotes	792
Comments	105
Date	November 23, 2021 8:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r0n04i/what_made_you_finally_decenter_men_from_your_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-made-you-finally-decenter-men-from-your-life.1086915 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086915

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