Is virgin shaming common in women groups if one is a virgin at a “late” age?

festethefoole1 · 2022-05-15T13:08:19+00:00

So the attitude is very different. I recall hearing two girls outside at uni (aged 19-20) talking about a girl in their friendship group who was still a virgin and one of the girls replied with (not mockingly, but genuine bemusement)

“Oh my god, how?!”

That response says it all lol

dietwindows · 2022-05-15T15:13:46+00:00

Women use "virgin" as an insult against men because its women's job to communicate fitness information to other women. (Men play along, but its women's game.)

Being a virgin is a red flag for a man because it signals the sisterhood has so-far rejected him, indicating he's a low value mate. Female virgins aren't a red flag in the same way, so they're only going to get pity.

ppd_reject · 2022-05-15T12:47:28+00:00

As a woman who didn't have sex until I was 24, most shaming I experienced came from men who were not in my immediate social circle. It wasn't the kind of bullying where I would get reminded of the fact at every single opportunity, but I would get comments such as "that's weird" or "there must be something with women who are still virgins at that age". The worst part is that the comments often came from people who didn't even know that I was virgin.

The girls in my group would mention that my virginity was a good thing, but I believed that deep down they didn't want to be in my shoes either. I was a virgin out of fear and not because I attached value to sex.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-05-15T15:15:45+00:00

If I were an adult female virgin there is no way in Hell I would bring it up. Men will fall all over themselves to be your “first” but it will be as a fetish not out of love.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-15T15:15:04+00:00

My wife lost her virginity late (a few years into college) and said her friends used to make little snide comments about her being a virgin so old.

Habil13 · 2022-05-15T12:44:50+00:00

The optics of a male virgin is very different from the optics of a female virgin. Women are perceived as more desirable the less promiscuous they are, while men are seen as less desirable the less they have sex.

With that being said; a virgin woman would probably prefer to date a virgin man, if the reason for his celibacy is voluntary (religion, personal values etc.). Whether she gets shamed or not, all has to do with her friend group. If her best friends are part of the party scene where everybody tack up their body counts like nothing, then they’ll probably look down on her a bit, but if her friend group is bible reading Christian’s, then not so much.

So to answer your question; depends on the friends.

Alter_Of_Nate · 2022-05-15T16:08:18+00:00

Why in the world would anyone need to know if you're a virgin? No sense, or reason to spread that information around.

OkSuspect1899 · 2022-05-15T18:11:59+00:00

Yes. The term is "Old Maid".

dobrevaria · 2022-05-15T15:51:04+00:00

I’ve never seen virgin shaming among fellow women (not saying it doesn’t exist, but I’ve yet to witness it). Playful teasing sometimes, but never « shaming ». Sometimes, it can be even seen as a good thing ; I remember hearing girls say that it’s good that you « preserve » yourself by not giving your virginity to anyone. But I feel that, in this specific case, it only applies to 1) women who willingly wait before having sex (like religious people) or 2) women under the age of 30. After that age, being a virgin as a woman is not seen in a positive light at all. I don’t think there is any ‘shaming’, but people will definitely think you’re a bit weird and that something is wrong with you.

DXBrigade · 2022-05-15T15:50:10+00:00

Yep, a good example would be Cat from Euphoria, she was teased for being a virgin in high school.

Personnally, I lost my virginity at 26 and while I wasn't directly shamed for it by my peers, I was kind of looked down upon for having no romantic life whatsoever. Also being a virgin is a turn off for most guys.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-05-15T13:11:59+00:00

You're teased if you are and teased if you aren't. There's always someone who has an issue with you. I believe the first time I was genuinely shamed for being a virgin was when I was sixteen. You learn to shut up about sex/relationships/kissing and then hope that nobody picks on you.

Spiritual-Ad-271 · 2022-05-15T13:36:25+00:00

In my experience, and based solely on what I've seen in Western cultures, if a woman remains a virgin and has had no romantic or intimate interactions well into later in life, she is usually fairly socially isolated and has few friends. One woman I knew who was a virgin well into her thirties was by nature fairly introverted and spent most of her life being a caretaker for infirm family members. She literally had no friends and had no opportunities to experience what most people experience in their teens and twenties.

This seems fairly typical for Western women who never had the opportunity to develop or explore their sexuality. They are often introverted and then have unique circumstances that serve to isolate them further socially.

In contrast, people who grow up in very religious communities do not tend to be virgins later in life. The reason being that they are often encouraged to marry much earlier in life than people in secular environments. It's rare to meet a woman who grew up in an insular, religious community who is not married by their early twenties.

My point is, that based on what I've seen, women who are virgins into later periods of their lives often lack the social structures and friend groups who would otherwise provide encouragement or shame to motivate them to date or have sexual experiences.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-05-15T12:54:54+00:00

like how is this even relevant after high school

Catherine772023 · 2022-05-15T13:43:12+00:00

I think virgins can be shamed by popular kids at school or in university clubbing scenes or for being too old later in life. 25 and especially 30.

Virgin women aren’t idealised outside red pill.

Some men refuse them and apparently it’s normal to want someone with a low but not 0 N count for social proof but not too much sleeping around to feel special according to articles I read.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-15T13:38:59+00:00

At a certain point most people just assume most people have had sex and it’s just assumed and most people don’t think about of someone’s a virgin anymore, really. Also since most people are/have had sex they are probably talking more about their personal experiences and what’s going on in their life /sex life than wether or not Ted, the junior engineer who just got hired, is a virgin or if he was railing his D&D loving girlfriend from behind while they watched game of thrones in college or whatever.

ggkkggk · 2022-05-15T14:38:25+00:00

I think it depends on where you live, what a female friend of mine who is 28 and a good amount of her female friends keep telling her to "have fun" "meet guys" do this do that and basically call her boring every time to get the chance to.

Honestly I was shocked.

LarryLooxmax · 2022-05-15T15:05:56+00:00

Your friends might just be shitty friends… then again you might be too sensitive and mistaking their friendly concern, masked as giving you shit, for actual bullying.

Regardless, dont go get laid just to prove a point to the boiz. Do it for your own reasons

tired_hillbilly · 2022-05-15T15:46:18+00:00

You will be teased and bullied about it a lot in my experience.

You need better friends.

wineandchillax · 2022-05-15T15:47:40+00:00

Late bloomer woman. I definitely got teased more by other women. A lot of young guys didn’t want to deal with me, they wanted an experienced woman who knew what to do.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-05-15T16:50:10+00:00

For the most part women don’t really make a big deal over other women being virgins one way or the other. When I was still a virgin the only comments about it I got were from men. One of my best friends is still a virgin and no one in our friend group shames her for it

meteorness123 · 2022-05-15T16:59:54+00:00

The good thing about getting to your thirties is that you slowly stop giving a shit about how others will see or perceive you. It's not completely gone but your brain becomes more developed, you went through some hardship and whether a person sees you as weird or not because you did not make certain experience just doesn't bother you as much anymore.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-05-15T18:57:06+00:00

Not outright shaming but I didn’t tell almost any women I was a virgin in my 20s bc it’s personal/not chic.

hearyoume14 · 2022-05-15T21:40:15+00:00

Are we including CSA or not in the definition?I don’t.

My opinion as a virgin early 30s woman ,who also can’t drink,is that I’ve gone this long without doing it so why bother?Of course sex sounds as appealing as a root canal (which is probably less painful for me) so I’m an outlier.

I find men don’t care about virginity status but woman care more. Especially groups that talk about their sex lives. Most people don’t care and I find me saying I have no desire for a relationship usually explains everything.

Roseora · 2022-05-18T23:07:09+00:00

You need new guy friends, ma guy. No friend group of any gender(s) i've ever been in has cared about eachothers sex lives.

YouAskedIt · 2022-05-15T14:07:26+00:00

Guys want a virgin until she doesn't have sex with him. At that point she's a prude, frigid, dysfunctional, hypergamous, and broken. The moment she has sex she has become a whore and is expected to give it up to any guy she is dating in the same time period equal the shortest she made any man "wait". Yes, women are shamed for being virgins and then move straight to being seen as sex dispensers.

No one knows you're a virgin unless you tell them. Don't tell people things that you are insecure about. Assholes of either gender will be assholes and will bully you.

dijsd · 2022-05-15T12:59:04+00:00

Virgin shaming, when practiced by women, is just an attempt by your peer group to bring you down to their level and reduce your value.

It’s good to be a virgin if you’re a woman, your value is increased immeasurably. It’s bad to be a virgin if you’re a man though. If you’re past 18+ as a man and still a virgin I recommend that you visit A prostitute and get it out of the way. I visited one at 15 and redpilled myself far before any of my peers, which helped me in a variety of way when dealing with women moving forward.

RealNiceLady · 2022-05-15T15:19:37+00:00

I'm a 37 year old virgin. Women either respect that or praise me for it. Men, however, are the ones who give me trouble over my virginity.

Helmet_Icicle · 2022-05-15T14:19:49+00:00

women aren't virgin at a late age. Virgin shaming is a male thing. Men and women shame virgin men for not scoring pussy hole.
Women feel guilt for not riding. It's not shaming since no one is shaming them. Women feel guilt whenever they aren't doing the mainstream thing which is casual sex with hot men

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-05-15T13:31:16+00:00

Yes. Nowadays if you don't lose your virginity by 16 their going to tell you you're a guy and give you puberty blockers

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sarkington · 2022-05-15T14:51:00+00:00

It came from everyone, which is why I never told anyone anything about my sex life or lack thereof

Effing_Normans · 2022-05-15T15:07:24+00:00

100% it begins in late teens and tends to taper off after everyone gets to 24 or so (if not they need to grow up.) I was 2nd to last and still get mercilessly mocked...I made a point of putting anyone on blast who roasted the last guy. It's not that big of a deal

ruboyuri · 2022-05-15T16:17:05+00:00

Of course?

2022-05-15T17:00:26+00:00

Absolutely not in Christian/tradcon groups, even in secular groups I haven't been shamed so much as confusing people since I'm a virgin who lacks a filter when it comes to sexual topics.

godandgoddess · 2022-05-15T19:32:32+00:00

No I’ve never seen it and I’ve been friends and gotten to know many women who’ve never had any experience. My experience is the same as well, nobody has shamed me for it. That one is probably location dependent.

Shadowzaron32 · 2022-05-15T19:55:57+00:00

If so than oh boy am i doomed. I'm way beyond the typical age and yikes i likely shouldn't read these comments. For both of us my guy i hope not

amomentafter · 2022-05-15T20:05:58+00:00

More prevalent the younger your friend group I’d say. The older you get the less you stop caring about everything and anything.

gabatme · 2022-05-15T20:21:25+00:00

Personally, as a woman, I would never be mean to someone for being a virgin. However, for male virgins in their mid-twenties or beyond, I assume that they would want to have sex but have never had the opportunity/been comfortable enough to pursue a woman. For a female virgin of the same age, I assume that they are too reserved (because of religion or otherwise) to choose to have sex, or that none of the options of people to have sex with have been appealing. So, slightly different I guess

IveGotIssues9918 · 2022-05-15T22:57:23+00:00

Yes. I've been kind of a "joke" for it since I was 16-17 years old. Arguably, the thing that made me a "joke" was prudish/inexperienced behavior and not simply being a virgin on its own, but I've been getting made fun of for prudish behavior since I was 11.

Women in today's world don't get brownie points from their peers for being virgins outside of super religious circles.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-05-16T00:18:55+00:00

Not really shaming, but teasing in some social circles. Some are like “that’s awesome I respect that a lot!” and others are like “Seriously girl?! Go get laid.” Most adult women won’t do this, but teens are a different story... they will shame you for anything and everything.lol I can’t say I’ve never felt like anyone else’s sex life was my business tbh, but some people are just that way.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-05-16T00:20:00+00:00

Never paid attention tbh.

SteakhouseBlues · 2022-05-16T02:51:51+00:00

If they bully you for being a virgin, then they’re not your real friends.

BKLD12 · 2022-05-16T03:32:58+00:00

Not in my experience. My social circle is primarily made up of women who are around my age. I'm 28 and have never had sexual contact with anyone. I've never been shamed for it. I've never witnessed virgin shaming directed towards anyone else, either.

Granted, I've also been openly ace for the past 5-6 years which may or may not change things in people's minds, and my experience is definitely not that of every woman.

But I do think that there's a cultural component here. I'm in a part of the world that is heavily Christian, and many of my friends are either Christian or ex-Christian. They frame virginity, especially a woman's virginity, as virtuous. Before I learned that asexuality was a thing, I used "I'm saving myself for marriage" as a way to kick the can down the road, so to speak. Everyone just accepted that. Growing up Catholic turned out to be pretty convenient in that way, lol.

andreea_carla_b · 2022-05-16T10:08:47+00:00

Depends if you have shitty friends or not.

MepleLeef · 2022-05-20T17:54:16+00:00

Depends on the female group.

In the mainstream, a younger female virgin is normal but an older one is weird and her attractiveness or "how this happened" will be called into question.
In religious circles, an older virgin female isn't judged for this or it will be seen positively, but there will be questions on why she's not married.

coolboy_24278 · 2022-05-20T23:03:59+00:00

if you’re teased about your virginitiyy, you should leave your friends. period!

gardenfan167 · 2022-05-23T20:44:42+00:00

Sure but they still bring pleasure of a different kind. A good burger isn't pleasurable as a candy but they both bring pleasure. Plus hugging and cuddling releases dopamine maybe not as much as sex but it still does. Also in animal kingdom animals also have sex for bonding reasons other than pleasure. Some animals don't even have sex for pleasure.

Title	Is virgin shaming common in women groups if one is a virgin at a “late” age?
Author	Remarkable_Sort_1706
Upvotes	68
Comments	208
Date	May 15, 2022 12:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uq56cc/is_virgin_shaming_common_in_women_groups_if_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-virgin-shaming-common-in-women-groups-if-one-is.1114153 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114153

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