Say No coffee dates!!!!! have standards

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-08-05T09:37:37+00:00

This post has been removed for being low effort. N count posts have also been limited.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-05T02:07:44+00:00

I like cafés. I like walks in the park. I hate fine dining. And your fiancé doesn't sound like the kind of man I'm looking for. So... no thanks.

szclimber · 2023-08-05T02:07:05+00:00

You never say why coffee dates are bad... I don't get it, some people like coffee, tea and/or paistries. My city has some very cool coffee shops

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-08-05T02:02:58+00:00

So many things you read from this sub about women is wrong and regurgitated crap from men who do not have any experience with women at all.

Such as? I'll let you in on a secret - most of the guys who are red pilled got there specifically because of having experiences with women.

Blue pilled men are the ones with no experience to counter-balance the blue pill programming.

I just got engaged.

Congratulations. You're on the way to putting one in the "W" column (we keep score in marriages over here, not engagements)

I am a 30 year old woman who Is a high earner, working in tech and has a start up and 2 cats.

Men do not care about this. I'm sure your fiancee isn't thinking "man, a career woman with two cats? Form a fucking line boys, this one is mine!"

He is probably with you for your other qualities. I'm curious as to what he would say if we asked him.

Do us a favor - ask him and get back to us.

I met my fiancé at a tech conference he hosted at the start of the year. He asked me out on a proper date and every date we’ve been on he has never asked me to pay anything. I do contribute here and there; however, he doesn’t require it.

There's a weird misconception about RP men. It isn't that we don't pay for dates. Personally, I'm very traditional and if we get to the point of seriously dating, I don't expect my partner to contribute financially. There are other things I do appreciate though (not sex, get your mind out of the gutter!)

We just don't want to be giving commitment level investment for women who are giving FDS level engagement.

I think everyone men and women should have high standards and also meet their own high standards.

Your standards should be tempered by reality. You don't tell overweight broke men who live with two roommates to have "high standards". Why is it acceptable for below average women to have them?

I am actually fine with passport bro’s, as long as they go to these poorer countries to actually get married and treat their wives well.

We don't give a fuck what you're "fine with". The whole point of leaving this hellscape is so that we don't have to care about your opinions.

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-08-05T02:20:24+00:00

Let me get this right, you're a high earning woman that got in contact with a even higher earning men and apply this to the average dating?

Honestly if Mrs drgree didn't had a personal vendetta against me I would be saying pretty unfavorable things.

Woman are simply not worth the effort to set a dinner every single dating opportunity, in fact 1/3 of women using men as foodie call make it the worst decision a men can make. It's better to be a cheap guy to gauge her attraction and not just get to be used.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-08-05T02:17:55+00:00

or… some people are happy with coffee dates. your standards are not everyone’s standards.

ace52387 · 2023-08-05T02:07:10+00:00

I only agree if you had some solid meaningful interaction before hand. If you only had a short conversation or met online coffee date is almost necessary. Do you want to be stuck having dinner with someone who you suddenly realize is nowhere near what you want?

Ciabatta_Scoober · 2023-08-05T02:37:12+00:00

Some relationships are more transactional than others, not everyone will want their relationships to be as transactional as yours.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-05T03:03:33+00:00

Seems like a classic case of "My money is my money and your money is my money"

Why would any man opt in for this?

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-05T03:36:34+00:00

Fellow tech bros, please start limiting basic bitches to a water date. The entitlement is getting to be a bit much and those of us who leverage our tech incomes are to blame.

baiser_vole · 2023-08-05T02:10:17+00:00

One of the many standards I have is even if someone has the money, the person doesn't mind doing things like coffee dates and actually enjoy oneself.

hannahg000 · 2023-08-05T02:30:13+00:00

at 20, i feel like it would be unrealistic to expect guys my age to pay for everything. especially, since i’m primarily interested in dating college students and a lot of us either don’t work or have part-time jobs making minimum wage.

(but would i prefer to be spoiled and pampered by a man, yes, but it simply isn’t realistic to expect of guys in their early twenties)

SrNetworkEngineer · 2023-08-05T02:52:59+00:00

If you’re a high earner then why aren’t you treating your fiancée half of the time? You’re supposed to be strong and independent.

Men - don’t buy into this BS. If a girl is into you, it doesn’t matter if you spend $200+ on dinner and drinks or if you just walk on the beach and swap stories and let the conversation wind it’s way around and figure out what you both have in common and where you can debate interesting topics.

Icy-Account-7084 · 2023-08-05T02:10:06+00:00

stupid post lmao

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-05T02:23:50+00:00

Dating equal money. What else is new. No money no dating. Fair enough

Slowly_Sunny · 2023-08-05T02:21:24+00:00

As a woman I always suggest coffee dates or walks. I love them. It's a no-pressure way to get to know someone. Expecting men to pay is sexist. You can both have high standards and go on coffee dates.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-08-05T02:41:49+00:00

Give your balls a tug

GooseneckRoad · 2023-08-05T01:51:09+00:00

Age and goals should play a factor. Yeah a dinner date is mostly expected if you're 30 and planning on finding a husband within a couple of years. But a coffee date is very appropriate for two 21 year olds making the time between college classes.

ShizoDijagnoza · 2023-08-05T04:11:13+00:00

General rule in life, don't take life advice from people that lack the moral and ethical basis to live in a normal society. Good luck on your journey of job half-assing, money hoarding and living the perfect materialistic lifestyle. But in my opinion someone as morally and ethically bankrupt as you, does not get to give life advices to anyone.

mrcs84usn · 2023-08-05T05:05:03+00:00

I have high standards. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go all out for someone I just met. I will invest in someone who I deem worth investing in.

You don’t bet all your chips on the first hand of poker, especially when you haven’t even looked at your hand.

El_Don_94 · 2023-08-05T02:22:02+00:00

So many things you read from this sub about women is wrong and regurgitated crap from men who do not have any experience with women at all.

And yet you bring the worst of it.

I just got engaged. I am a 30 year old woman who Is a high earner, working in tech and has a start up and 2 cats.

Nobody cares.

I met my fiancé at a tech conference he hosted at the start of the year.

Once again, nobody cares.

He asked me out on a proper date

Coffee dates are proper dates. I enjoy cafes and not dinner dates. I do not want some who is into boring dinner dates. In Europe we go for pints or coffee, not dinner.

and every date we’ve been on he has never asked me to pay anything. I do contribute here and there; however, he doesn’t require it.

Love should be about love not money. If you date someone for their money you're extremely low value to me. What do you call a shitty business? A start-up.

I think everyone men and women should have high standards and also meet their own high standards.

Yeah, by avoiding people who don't pay for their own expenses and feel entitled to others doing so.

I am actually fine with passport bro’s, as long as they go to these poorer countries to actually get married and treat their wives well.

No one asked.

captaindestucto · 2023-08-05T02:56:32+00:00

Coffee dates are a good way to quickly gauge compatibility without the hassle and awkwardness of a full blown dinner date. It's really just a prelim much of the time.

That said, dinner dates are expensive and expecting men foot the bill dozens if not hundreds of times with different women with no relationship in sight isn't reasonable. Neither is expecting men continue to do this well into the relationship when you're earning good money. OP is basically saying only upper middle class men should be dating.

daylightxx · 2023-08-05T03:24:31+00:00

I have high standards. But they don’t include making men pay for me all the time. Sorry, but I dont think that should be a measure of a good man.

Yes, it’s nice to have someone want to pay for you. But I love treating people too! They both have joy in it. It should go both ways.

armpitpics · 2023-08-05T03:25:26+00:00

Sometimes excessive standards come from a constant need of validation. The amount of posts you created just to tell everyone you got engaged gives me the impression that your identity revolves around this man or men in general, so it wouldn't be surprising if you used dates to validate your self worth.

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-08-05T05:14:34+00:00

Wanting men to be simps is not asking for higher standards. It’s the opposite

purplish_possum · 2023-08-05T06:05:31+00:00

You're rich and entitled -- good for you.

jverveslayer · 2023-08-05T09:03:37+00:00

You don't have to like coffee dates, but you should know that different people have different preferences. Your dates aren't more "right" than their dates. I mean, come on, do you really expect everyone in the world to have the same preferences as you?

Coffee dates aren't some weird evil thing and the idea that people should avoid having coffee with people their dating is absurd.

I've gone at least 200 first dates in my life (let alone second+ dates) involving all kinds of different things. There are definitely pros and cons to different activities and I have my preferences, but in the end, as long as you can interact, make conversation, flirt, make jokes, learn about each other, enjoy each other's company, share with each other, etc, that's what matters. Not whether you buy coffee or food or drinks or do yoga or karaoke or horesback riding or whatever.

ThatPizzaKid · 2023-08-05T01:59:18+00:00

Congrats to you for being able to do that but you must realize the uniqueness of the position you were in. You work in tech, most of the people you work with make really good money. It made access to those type of men easy. Access, especially outside of the context of an app, makes the game easier for everyone , women included. And in a field heavily dominated by men, there's way less competition. This is not most women's reality if we're being honest.

Also tech workers tend to be on the nerdier side, so they tend be the people who would be the most overlooked on say an app due to presentation, but the most willing to actually support you and be some what liberal, among the group of high earning men. You might have to sacrifice on some social tact/ physical appearance, but you do get a lot of value if you want a partner. Its why even pretty normal women could realistically bag 6 or 7 figure dudes in the bay when it was thriving.

Source: Am tech worker

Laurely4u · 2023-08-05T02:11:25+00:00

Would this no coffee shop dating philosophy apply to first dates, from online dating? I agree you have to keep standards up obviously.

herefortheparty01 · 2023-08-05T02:41:08+00:00

I don’t fault you. Glad you got what you’re looking for. I’m sure he knows the risks

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13choppedup2chopped · 2023-08-05T01:50:32+00:00

Say to advice from people on the internet!

Oli_love90 · 2023-08-05T01:53:56+00:00

In terms of your title, i don’t know if that directly ties into standards. It’s more how you met the person, either irl or online.

I think coffee dates are okay if you’ve met online - you’re just meeting the person, you have no clue if you’ll click - it’s a good way to get out fast (if needed) and not spend too much for both parties. Then you can move on to another location if you’re having a good time or have a longer date next time.

But I agree, I don’t think just coffee dates are ideal if you already know the person like in your situation. That would be your chance to really sit down and get to know the person more so it ideally should be a more involved date.

Former_Molasses_7073 · 2023-08-05T02:48:36+00:00

OP, the challenge i have for you is how does a man know a woman is worth committing to/ a dinner date without knowing her better first ?

Like not sure if you are in the bay area, but I am, and a nice dinner for two people ? That's at least $80 or $90. Thinking of an appetizer, two meals, and two drinks. possibly $100 if its a nice place.

If I am not sure I have chemistry with the woman, why does it make sense to do this ?

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-08-05T02:56:09+00:00

Coffee dates are basically like interviews. You have those with recruiters. I like activity dates. Parks, museums, mini golf, etc. You have fun, relate through the activity, then conversation springs from that instead of two people sitting down where the guy is figuring out how long until you fuck and the girl is figuring out if you just want to fuck.

controllrevival · 2023-08-05T03:28:13+00:00

Nice humble brag post. I agree though, men on here do need to understand women better, but it goes the other way too

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2023-08-05T03:31:24+00:00

R/asablackman lol

thetruthishere_ · 2023-08-05T03:43:07+00:00

Im for coffee type 'dates' as first meets when doing OLD dating.

I have no interest in going to dinner for hours with a man I have not met yet. I also prefer no booze either.

Im for dont date low effort people but dont be so rigid.

motion_lotion · 2023-08-05T03:47:58+00:00

I always pay for the first few dates, but expect her to put at least some $$$ in once we're steady.

supercreativenamelol · 2023-08-05T03:54:07+00:00

what is a "passport bro"

63daddy · 2023-08-05T04:11:41+00:00

Okay. From here on out when a word man suggests getting together for coffee, I’ll say no

100PercentNattyBrah · 2023-08-05T05:50:49+00:00

Coffee dates are a good first date, why would you spend money on a dinner with somebody you've just met? You can't know that they're worth the effort unless you've gotten to know them better, it's a low risk date that's nice and easy.

TheRealMichaelBluth · 2023-08-05T05:59:08+00:00

If you’re meeting a stranger from OLD or from a bar there’s nothing wrong with it as a first date. If anything, I would hate it if we went for a full dinner and didn’t vibe at all. With a coffee or drinks date, you can bail after a half hour if you’re not enjoying the persons company

Sillysheila · 2023-08-05T06:08:33+00:00

I disagree that people should have very high standards to be honest. Reasonable standards are ok, but standards that are too high in my opinion are pretty directly contributing to the rising amount of Gen Z and Millennials that are single and not having sex.

It’s fine to want things like steady employment, good personality etc. but I’ve seen some people on here act like they won’t get out of bed for a date that doesn’t make a million dollars a day, or a lady that looks like she’s frozen at age 21 and is a 10/10 forever.

I think coffee dates are fine and restaurants are too OTT in many situations especially for very young couples. I think a restaurant date personally is more appropriate three dates in. I just can’t really reconcile paying so much money for a first date when it’s probably going to be awkward and you might not even date again. I understand taking someone to the fancy restaurant maybe when you think you’ll continue dating, though.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-08-05T06:22:44+00:00

You met your fiancé in RL before going on a date, the whole coffeedate/drinks for me its not about the money, its because I have never seen the women from OLD before, and I am afraid they may be terrible so I want to have an easy out after an hour or so.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-08-05T06:51:44+00:00

This is a weird post because nothing you said in the body of it matched with the title. Like you didn’t even explain why you don’t like them you just went on a rant humble bragging about yourself.

I don’t like coffee first dates either because I think they are low effort. I like to get things started on the right foot and devote time that is important to me like my Friday and Saturday night. I also like to have an alcoholic drink to get conversation flowing a bit easier and think that drinks at a bar offer a better overall vibe for a first date than daytime coffee at a cafe.

harmonica2 · 2023-08-05T07:15:09+00:00

I've always had no problems with coffee dates and got second dates after them. My current gf and I have been together for over two years and the first date was an ice cream date...

quadzillax · 2023-08-05T07:30:08+00:00

Duh you’re 30

WilliamWyattD · 2023-08-05T07:36:04+00:00

It depends on context. If two young people without much money are clearly online dating/app dating users, it makes sense to have short, cheap initial dates to meet in person. So much filtering happens when you see a person for the first time in 'real life' that one should expect a lot of such first dates to fail. Thus, it makes sense to keep them cheap for all concerned. Second dates could be more expensive.

But in different contexts, like older people with more money who date less, or a date after having met in person, then more investment on the first date makes sense.

AntiHypergamist · 2023-08-05T07:40:19+00:00

High earner but she doesn’t spend any of her money. Then what’s the point of dating a higher earner. You just feel entitled to a man with a high income

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-05T08:15:15+00:00

They have their time and place. I like coffee dates if they're what I personally want. I split or pay for everything myself because that's what I personally want. See the pattern here? My fiancé meets my own personal standards and I can run my relationship in a different way to yours in a way that doesn't make yours better or worse because we are different. I feel like I'm treated well the same as you and I hope that continues for both of us.

AndyBrown65 · 2023-08-05T08:21:41+00:00

There is nothing wrong with coffee dates. Simple easy and in a non alcoholic setting.

Also coffee dates generally occur during the day so there’s less pressure to seal the deal.

No-Chance-8405 · 2023-08-05T09:30:33+00:00

I'm not sure what the point of your post is, and what does the story about how you met your fiancé have anything to do with coffee dates? Do you mean that going to a cafe for coffee is not a proper date? Doesn't the company matter the most? Besides, cafes are lovely, and a walk in the park is romantic. I really don't get your message about standards.

Title	Say No coffee dates!!!!! have standards
Author	GeneralFig6053
Upvotes	0
Comments	253
Date	August 5, 2023 1:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15iieex/say_no_coffee_dates_have_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/say-no-coffee-dates-have-standards.1227510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227510

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