Q4M: what steps do you take to make women less afraid of you?

Treacle-Flimsy · 2023-08-19T17:55:42+00:00

Reading social cues and not being overly pushy

DerayRevan · 2023-08-19T17:32:53+00:00

By not doing any of this things

What the fuck is this type of question ?

Do you seriously think the guys here have the mindset of one of this things ?

TotalTravesty · 2023-08-19T17:40:30+00:00

Seconding the sentiment of “not doing these things.” I dunno, some women are going to be afraid of me, some aren’t. People take precautions as they see fit—probably by not going out with me in the first place if they’re concerned.

For my part being a normal dude has gotten me very far in getting trust. I don’t take any special steps and none have been asked of me. The fearful weed themselves out.

neinhaltchad · 2023-08-19T18:09:53+00:00

Absolutely nothing.

Men have to play a numbers game, so the minute you play this “make her feel comfortable at all costs” game with women you will lose because 8 out of 10 women will see you as a boring simp with no edge.

It’s also 100% the girl’s problem.

In the west, every violent crime (including rape and sexual assault) is down to basically half of what it was just 40 years ago.

Yet we see the levels of neuroticism and paranoia about men among young women rising.

This is what happens when you push a “women good / men bad” narrative.

Young women feed on fear and consume things like serial killer documentaries and follow rage bait TikTokers all while being told time and time again that they are “victims of the patriarchy”

Throw in the deification of victimhood in an “attention economy”

Is it really surprising that women end up like the one in this video?

This is basically like a person who has a fear of flying doing nothing but watch documentaries of plane crashes and then being confused when their fear gets worse.

They are feeding their preconceived anxiety with cherry picked horror stories.

Ok-Delay-8578 · 2023-08-19T21:30:12+00:00

It’s my opener: “hi, can i meet you real quick? I’m not going to rape or murder you”

Luciansleep · 2023-08-19T17:47:56+00:00

I normally don’t touch a woman on the date unless she touches me first on a date.

I leave when I get a hint of women not being into me.

9/10 the woman is taller than me anyway.

I see how a woman reacts when I take things to certain levels etc.

Also by not doing all of what that woman said?

AreOut · 2023-08-19T19:25:04+00:00

well she says she is mostly afraid of "male feminists" so the step I take is just not being one

ilovesoundtracks1 · 2023-08-19T17:47:47+00:00

Female neuroticism is not my problem.

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-19T17:47:13+00:00

By not walking behind or approaching women at night or on sketchy empty streets. That's about it.

Oh, and I guess to put the woman in the video at ease, by not being a male feminist.

Why do some women online insist that their severe anxiety is just how all women have to live? If they are constantly terrified of all men, they need professional help.

Firm_Shirt_2553 · 2023-08-19T19:24:05+00:00

Nothing. Men need to stop going into dating with a scarcity mindset. If you are putting in more effort than her, it's time to find someone new.

lololololROFL · 2023-08-20T00:36:28+00:00

I'm so afraid of making women uncomfortable that my anxiety prevents me from approaching women, but when I do, I try to be as nuetral, considerate, and indirect as possible

happy_discus · 2023-08-19T17:49:55+00:00

I try to act like a friendly and normal person. I also try to minimize interactions with women. I can't do more than this. If they are still scared of me I am very sorry.

not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-08-19T17:54:29+00:00

I used to do usual stuff - first meeting supposed to be in middle of the day in public space with a lot of people around.

ReserveSimple1648 · 2023-08-19T18:06:30+00:00

Be incredibly honest and straightforward with anything. Never found anyone who didn't like me because of that. Women or men

HolidayWhile · 2023-08-19T17:36:23+00:00

I don't approach at all because I fear the rape accusation at least as much as she fears anything a short weirdo like me might do.

social_mules_alt · 2023-08-19T19:48:03+00:00

Absolutely nothing. I'm an introvert. My factory default setting is to mind my own business and leave people the fuck alone. If that scares people then that's their problem, not mine.

Fortunately potential false accusers give off certain tells so it's easy to avoid their crazy asses to begin with.

TheDustLord · 2023-08-19T18:58:24+00:00

Nothing. It’s not my job to adapt to other peoples’ misandrist fearmongering.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-08-19T17:39:23+00:00

Nothing. If you're that paranoid that all men are evil, then you're not worth my time.

QFW: What steps do you take to make men less afraid of you?

JumboJetz · 2023-08-19T17:44:57+00:00

I avoid other people generally, and moreso with covid a concern. I don’t make eye contact if we are in a isolated place by ourselves like a parking garage. I maintain some distance. I dress well as people aren’t very afraid of more professional looking men generally.

I haven’t really seen a woman visibly scared by me to my knowledge. Maybe once in a while a woman will look back to see who else is there/who is walking behind her is all but I think both men and women do this.

dmbrokaw · 2023-08-19T18:06:31+00:00

Easy, don't date. It helps that I'm already married, but I've made it very clear to my wife that I'd never wade back into the dating pool for any reason.

babazuki · 2023-08-19T19:33:38+00:00

I tend to hangout with people that don't make me feel like I'm Frankenstein's monster.

The only people that actively take steps to convince others that they aren't murders or psychopaths, are murders and psychopaths.

Everyone else just acts like normal people to each other.

harmonica2 · 2023-08-19T18:31:12+00:00

"What steps do you take to make women less afraid of you"

Don't bother with scared women"

No-Regular1667 · 2023-08-19T20:04:03+00:00

I don’t interact with any women unless she chooses to interact with me first.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-19T20:11:18+00:00

I do it by not interacting with them at all, not even looking at them

festival-papi · 2023-08-19T23:05:25+00:00

I'm a 6'2 [look at the lil avatar because apparently we can't mention race] dude with a resting expression that's been described as simmering irritation, so a lot of women when they see me on first glance tense up because truth be told, I'm a scary-looking mf.

The best I can do is be a normal dude.

jpla86 · 2023-08-19T23:13:21+00:00

Nothing. I hardly interact with women and it's not my job to make them feel safe or less afraid of me. Her fear is her problem.

iassureyouimreal · 2023-08-20T00:52:56+00:00

I don’t got out of my way. Let them be scared. Not my problem

DicamVeritatem · 2023-08-19T19:00:58+00:00

Wearing shoe lifts.

duenebula499 · 2023-08-19T19:10:43+00:00

I just exist as a tall decently athletic guy. These mostly only apply to ugly people. I’ve at least never had to worry about it.

Pizzashillsmom · 2023-08-19T17:38:27+00:00

I act like a normal friendly person. If they are afraid of that, that’s their problem.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-08-19T19:02:31+00:00

Taking no for an answer. Asking for boundaries, respecting boundaries.

In approaches, never doing it in a scenario where a woman is alone at night. Always gracefully taking no for an answer.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-19T18:50:17+00:00

Just meet in a public place.

Anything beyond that is indulging into the female hysteria about the evil bloodthirsty mens lurking in the shadows to kill them for no reason, it's very played out.

BLKSKNHED · 2023-08-19T19:19:13+00:00

Nothing. I will never wear a metaphorical batman mask to fight le evil creeps just so you feel safe enough to fuck chads on the fly or wear your skin tight dresses in public.

hudibrastic · 2023-08-19T18:12:56+00:00

Jeez, what kind of propaganda they have been listening to, to believe being murdered and stabbed are things so easy to happen and that it affects women more

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-08-19T18:46:15+00:00

It’s easy to avoid the most neurotic like this, so nothing. I’d never consider dating somebody like this.

In non-dating situations yeah things like ensuring you don’t spook a woman walking alone at night.

hari_hbp · 2023-08-19T19:25:49+00:00

That's the neat part. I don't have to. I'm invisible in women's POV so I get to live carefree

Most_Read_1330 · 2023-08-19T19:28:04+00:00

Nothing

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2023-08-19T20:20:43+00:00

I don't date in a context where we've never met before, but if I did, I would take absolutely no steps for her to 'fear me less.' If she fears me, that's her problem.

IAbstainFromSociety · 2023-08-19T21:32:28+00:00

I'm a far left political activist. This usually comes up in conversation when I'm asked about my hobbies. A lot of women are familiar with the specific collective I work with. If they react badly to it they selected themselves out for me, otherwise they tend to see me as safe quickly.

Proudvow · 2023-08-20T02:21:49+00:00

None. Men can't afford to be focused on that. A lot of the guys who give a fuck about this end up not getting laid.

That will change once women take a more assertive role with more men, but I wouldn't count on that happening.

Round_Homework2903 · 2023-08-20T04:01:32+00:00

Learning proper social skills

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-08-19T18:06:42+00:00

Nothing lol, if I'm to cater to women neuroticism I won't live my life. If she's so afraid she can get a gun, a taser or pepper spray, of course they never carry those.

abaxeron · 2023-08-19T18:33:42+00:00

After putting several years of thought into it, I don't think I'm truly interested in women who believe that their pussy is worth going to prison for.

Gosh this background music is terrible.

kukkle1111 · 2023-08-19T19:31:58+00:00

I'm curious guys, in a dating context... what steps do you take to make a woman whom you've never met before fear you less?

I find when men just take a deep breath, calm down, get their nervous energy in check and then become tall, lean, handsome and sprout a luscious head of hair, that typically does the trick.

VerCen · 2023-08-19T17:57:51+00:00

I fear women know martial arts, like every other human could. Assume they know and I just fear them. I just fear women tbh. Their words and actions can fuck you up. Heard a guy behind me the other day talk on his phone that he can't bring up his restraining order when meeting new women but also thinks he should. As in snowflake mentality runs deep in women aswell as men.

Puzzleheaded_Pin4857 · 2023-08-19T18:07:21+00:00

How and why am I suppose to control people’s irrational fears? These terrible things happen, but they aren’t the norm. Women pick up about quadruple the social cues as men. They need to use their talents to decide who to spend time with.

purplish_possum · 2023-08-19T18:31:07+00:00

No steps. Their irrational fear is their problem.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-08-19T19:26:01+00:00

Not my job to ease the paranoia of modern women

DietTyrone · 2023-08-19T19:32:11+00:00

Nothing. Not my job to ensure every woman I meet doesn't randomly decide to get triggered for one reason or another. They need to seek therapy and stay in their safe space indefinitely.

AidsVictim · 2023-08-20T02:13:31+00:00

Almost all these things are far less likely to happen than a traffic accident on the way to a date. And why are you conflating something like cat calls with rape and sex trafficking?

Individual men can't really do much other than be reasonably social and polite to present themselves as "safe". We can't correct womens anxieties built up around consuming too much media that makes them think they're going to be sex trafficked or murdered by Joe white collar.

The best thing women can do is to filter out the groups of men likely to engage in these things.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-08-19T17:59:17+00:00

Literally mind your damn buissness. That's a general life rule, you don't want problems or issues, mind ya bombaclatt buissness. Leave strangers alone cuase u dont fucking know them.

Podlubnyi · 2023-08-19T20:08:14+00:00

None of the above.

Pointless in any case, as anyone who thinks there's a murderer, rapist, mugger or kidnapper lurking behind every street corner probably won't be persuaded no matter what I do.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-08-19T20:15:27+00:00

I tell them I can't get it up. They are in for quite the surprise when I take my pants off.

Teflon08191 · 2023-08-19T20:21:11+00:00

If I have to make an active effort to make a woman I just met feel safe with me then she's probably a little too neurotic for my tastes.

Suspicious-Bed-2717 · 2023-08-19T20:22:53+00:00

I'm a Black piller and common sense tells you to just avoid women if your ugly all together

Sweet_Reflexion · 2023-08-19T20:23:06+00:00

Never knew there were steps I had to take. If I were to say I actively did this before going out in public I'd say I just hope I look non-threatening and approachable, and hope women don't just assume the worst of me out of hand. It seems I succeed for the most part. The funny thing is I do get the odd occassion where a woman looks at me like she's scared I might do...something? I don't know what exactly, but when this does happens its always a woman that I would never bother with even if I were that type of male(predatory, etc.) I get that women have reason to be on edge, but have some self-awareness about your own level of attractiveness. If you got nothing, then I want nothing from you. Duh.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-08-19T21:16:51+00:00

I just avoid women who feel this way. I think women who feel this way shouldn’t be dating and should be in therapy.

If you want someone to like you, presuming they’re a threat to you isn’t a good start.

SorryEm · 2023-08-19T21:20:21+00:00

By not doing that stuff myself. Just think, I have spent my whole life not groping women, human trafficking women, catcalling women and/or murdering women.

ExtraDeepHam · 2023-08-20T04:00:33+00:00

Nothing.

Their fear of men for having the audacity of existing is their problem to deal with. I am not responsible for neither their past trauma nor the threat of an imaginary Boogeyman.

I have a life to live and things to do and if I wanted to find a woman to do them with, there are plenty of well-adjusted mentally stable women to choose from

itiswhatitis1090 · 2023-08-20T04:33:33+00:00

This short 12 second clip is crap. Yes some ladies should be afraid of males. Though in my social circle, my male friends have had more stalkers than female friends have. Luckily have never had one but just act calm first and foremost. Though with me that is my natural behavior.

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bread93096 · 2023-08-19T19:34:53+00:00

Take a deep breath, relax. Anxious body language is very similar to threatening body language, which is how a lot of socially awkward guys get put in the ‘creepy’ box. If you catch yourself feeling tense take a breath and loosen up. Talk more slowly, less forcefully. Don’t fidget. If you’re going to pick up a glass or something, do it slow and steady.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2023-08-19T20:27:14+00:00

I’m trying to tell them the game because I basically just see what they’re going through and want them to know

But you have to have someone go through pain to really see them.

It’s scary to meet other people honestly. But when you do, you do.

And it takes seeing that you agreed with the people that were wrong to realize it.

That’s why Biden is the best president ever, you’re just gonna sit on your ass and get legal weed but then your kid is going to be mad that his kid doesn’t even have to take the trash out anymore.

But your kids didn’t do anything, so everyone needs to just start talking about how the whole situation is just absurd.

You’re jealous that you even had to go to school when they have Zoom now.

But the cycle never ends because everyone keeps dying forever.

And everyone just wants their kids to have it better.

wtknight · 2023-08-19T20:29:38+00:00

None. I've never had a woman feel afraid around me, as far as I know.

Steakman1 · 2023-08-19T20:35:08+00:00

Pretty much nothing. As long as you aren’t completely emotionless and can make her genuinely smile or laugh a little, then there isn’t really anything to worry about in regards to this. If she thought I was a creep in the beginning, she wouldn’t have said yes to me. And if she thought I was a creep in the beginning, it was likely just because she didn’t find me attractive enough and maybe I was pulling a solid RBF.

TimeConstraints · 2023-08-19T22:57:37+00:00

This question applies for more than just a dating context. Men also need to be careful to make women feel safe in the workplace.

I (62M) have only dated one woman for four decades, my wife, and I assure you she is not afraid of me.

However for nearly half a century I have often had to interact with women professionally. I don't think they fear I will kidnap, stab, murder or sex traffick them, but men do coerce women for sex, or retaliate against them if they refuse sex. Men and women also inveigle each other for consensual sex, and affairs are the destroyers of families.

Leaders are more than responsible for the safety and welfare of their subordinates; they also must take an interest in setting an environment for the well-being of their subordinate's families.

It's important for me to not only "not be that guy," but also to leave no hint that would leave them fearing that I'm even possibly that guy. That's somewhat self-emasculating; so be it. I am genetically wired to like being a dangerous man that women fear just a little, but I need to suppress that to set a proper work environment. For men, it feels good to dominate women, but we must save that for the woman who loves us and welcomes our "leadership."

We like to make fun of Mike Pence, but his "Pence rule" was good common sense before he ever said it. In short, a married man should not be alone with a woman that is not his wife.

The Pence rule falls under a broader principle for being faithful: It is not sufficient to endeavor to be faithful. You must avoid situations where it's possible to be unfaithful.

Unfortunately we can't always control that. For part of my life I was a military commander who deployed overseas with troops into difficult circumstances. The ratio of men to women among my troops was something like six or eight to one (in one case, 25-to-1). I not only had to think of the security of women I interacted with, but the security of all the women in my unit or group.

You might not think of a military deployment as an opportunity for romance. Troops are exhaustingly busy and everybody is wearing utility uniforms which are about as flattering for women as Islamic bourkas. Make-up is discouraged (some women will wear it anyway).

However some of the situations can surprise you. If you assign a man and a woman to cooperate on a task under pressure for long hours and then cut them off from cultural norms, their friends and family, they will almost certainly develop feelings for each other, at the least. This is true even if they are married, different ages, different backgrounds, different attractiveness, and would never for a millisecond have thought of each other romantically back in the States. It's like a powerful aphrodisiac. As a military leader you have to anticipate and mitigate those situations to keep from destroying families or just making women concerned for their security.

There are several ways for a military leader of a deployed unit to detect the prevalence of inappropriate relationships so that he can adjust leadership style if necessary. For one, his medical staff will brief him on STIs. They will not identify individuals, but the fact that you have STIs in your task group or battalion is an indicator of an issue.

Second, women who become pregnant on deployment will be evacuated from the theater back to home base. If a woman under your command gets pregnant, that should be a clue-bird that our environment might not be what it should be.

Third, senior leaders should be alert to inappropriate demeanor among men and women. A man and woman in a relationship have a different demeanor towards each other; you can tell. Women seem to pick up on this instantly, but men can develop the awareness if they pay attention. Leadership cannot be blind to these non-verbals.

These indicators are backward-looking; i.e. you can't fix individual relationship problems that have already happened; they've already done their damage. A leader shouldn't be playing whack-a-mole to smack down problems that already raging, but instead should be looking forward to establish an environment where problems don't happen. STIs, pregnancies, and male-female demeanor can alert a commander to a problem in his unit's environment so that he can adjust leadership environment. ("Adjust leadership environment" is a nice way of saying, "assemble his senior enlisted and officers and rip them new assholes for allowing deterioration of the leadership environment." The key is to be pro-active and affirmative, and not passive. By the time a leader detects a problem, it's too late to say, "just keep an eye on it.")

About fifteen years ago I was in charge of a non-military office overseas in a culture with a high male-female power distance. My secretary/interpreter was a good-looking married local multi-lingual woman we had poached from another foreign unit from a different country.

From the moment she started with me I sensed that she feared I could use my authority inappropriately. (Why did I give her that vibe?) I endeavored to never keep her outside of office hours, and never to take her with me when I traveled in the country. It was a normal practice to take your interpreter when traveling, but my own language skills were good enough that I could get along without her, and I could contract a local interpreter if I needed that (my secretary would set that up, and she had a young child so she appreciated me not making her travel.)

As important as making her feel safe, I did not want her husband (whom I never met) to ever doubt what his wife was doing. I was proud to establish trust with her, even more so when visitors sensed and commented on the positive relationship we established.

A few years ago, for several years, a good-looking married woman a few years younger than me was assigned to share my office with me. Our work often required us to close the door, and the office was well-insulated for sound. People will imagine shit.

We couldn't help but come to appreciate each other's families, and to some extent problems, but I bent over backwards to treat her with asexual detachment and respect. I appreciated that she did the same, always dressing conservatively and never engaging in sexual banter. Even though I grew up in a "hugger" culture, we never touched each other.

We did sometimes tease each other as friends. E.g. she used to poke fun at my sensitivity to her encroachment on my office by leaving "Hello Kitty" stickers on my computer monitor or other places when I returned from trips.

Work trips are particularly dangerous. If you are on a trip with a woman it's nearly rude to totally refuse after-hours contact. You'll see her at breakfast, lunch, and possibly dinner (best not to have alcohol). However, you shouldn't be one-on-one in the bar with her. Use common sense to avoid a "date" atmosphere. Absolutely never go into each others' rooms. If you need to pass files or have a discussion, do it at the door or better in a common area.

The common theme in all of this is that the professional environment for men and women is different than the personal and social environments. To make women feel safe, leaders must actively think through the circumstances that allow feelings or insecurities to develop and prevent or mitigate them, taking measures that go well beyond what would be normal in a non-professional social environment.

Iakobos_Mathematikos · 2023-08-20T06:24:58+00:00

I’m short and have scrawny little noodle arms. I don’t think most women are that afraid of me.

realityczek · 2023-08-20T06:41:26+00:00

Nothing.

I am a reasonable person and act in reasonable ways. I have no particular desire to spend even a moment of my time placating someone who has allowed the world to make them crazy.

If that means they are too "scared"? Sounds like I am better off without them.

bruhminer · 2023-08-20T08:20:36+00:00

Become better looking.

Devourer_of_felines · 2023-08-20T12:50:49+00:00

I take exactly zero steps to.

Why?

Because frankly it’s not my job to assuage some random stranger’s neurotic fears.

Adept-Emphasis4104 · 2023-08-20T13:00:21+00:00

I’m a 6ft black guy. There’s shit all I can do in that category.

But surprisingly kids love me. Like they’ll wave at me and stuff. And dogs seem to always think I’m cool.

So that’s a win atleast.

pancakesyo_ · 2023-08-20T15:14:51+00:00

In a non-dating context it's easy. Read social cues/vibes, smile more, be more gentle, avoid yelling, and don't be pushy. In a dating context it's all up to how the woman interprets and feels about you. You can do everything I mentioned above, but then you would run into the problem of being too platonic and friendly.

At the end of the day I cannot make a woman to become less afraid of me, if she were to be. If you're anything like that woman on that TikTok, I can't help you, men can't help you, you need to go to therapy and figure out how build your self esteem.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-08-21T01:12:24+00:00

I don't think the....girl? in the video is in any danger of anyone wanting to rape her.

BCRE8TVE · 2023-08-21T05:46:14+00:00

Why exactly are we foisting all the emotional labour of managing women's emotions onto men?

If she feels unsafe, she should take steps to address her own feelings.

I'm not going out of my way to make her feel afraid, but there's literally nothing I can do against fear-mongering and paranoid delusion. If she's so afraid of men I have to convince her I'm not going to rape her the moment she turns her back on me, then there's no point in even trying to have a conversation with her.

The steps I take is to not be aggressive, to not be violent, to not suggest a first date in dark and isolated places, and otherwise to just be my happy, non-murdering, non-raping, non-violent self.

There's an interesting saying that if you treat someone like a monster for long enough, eventually they will become one. What exactly do you think will happen if women keep treating monsters like we're all monsters? Do you think it's going to end well or poorly?

Toe_Tapping_Tango · 2023-08-21T10:40:45+00:00

1.) I build trust and rapport.

2.) I then pull my dick out and whip it around like a helicopter right in front of her.

3.) After showing her my massive arsenal of guns and knife collection.

Workaholiconew · 2023-08-21T22:14:44+00:00

None. Being scary looking is what awards me sex.

Title	Q4M: what steps do you take to make women less afraid of you?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	16
Comments	134
Date	August 19, 2023 5:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15vm6o6/q4m_what_steps_do_you_take_to_make_women_less/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-what-steps-do-you-take-to-make-women-less.1229021 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229021

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