Do women often assume if a guy isn’t salivating over them that he must not be very interested?

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-08-24T21:23:11+00:00

My first girlfriend decided that I was gay and tried to hook me up with her gay male friend of hers before dumping me.

I was just trying to be a gentleman. She could have asked me if I was attracted to her. She could have told me that I did not need to be a gentleman and that she wanted more sexual behavior from me.

I did not know that girls had sex drives. I thought that my sex drive was offensive.

lle-ell · 2023-08-24T17:54:08+00:00

If you’re a girl who is used to being fawned and drooled over, a guy not fawning and drooling will be interpreted as him not being interested.

It’s definitely a fine line to walk, come on too strongly and that’s a turn off too. People being individuals and shit makes dating so hard.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-24T17:35:07+00:00

So, I think commonly men confuse that going for sex is like the only way to express desire for a woman that makes it 100% clear how they feel. And that the only other option is this sort of platonic "getting to know" them thing (which is great, love a man who invested in my person too).

I would say add in some flirting, some innuendo, gentle flirty touching if the other stuff is well received, lingering looks that are a little too long to be totally platonic, compliments to appearances.

Yes, I do basically expect a man to be quite taken with me, that doesn't mean he should try to slobber on me like a puppy.

Stergeary · 2023-08-24T21:41:56+00:00

You are misreading the situation. You can let me know more information as I go, especially if you think I'm on the wrong track, but you are probably having a conversation with her like you would with a friend and not enough flirting like you would with a potential romantic partner. Trust me, I've been there. Literally had a 2 hour long conversation with a girl about all sorts of deep conversation topics from philosophy to politics and she did not respond to my texts after that day. This threw me for such a loop because she was so engaged in the conversation; bringing up new topics to talk about, going off on tangents, responding positively, plus she was smiling and laughing throughout (and even doing the finger-snap of approval thing like they do in poetry clubs, that confused me for a good bit).

But women don't romantically respond to just engagement, they respond to man-to-woman engagement, and the Litmus test for it is to ask yourself, "By the end of the conversation, does she know I have a dick and balls?" Not in the literal sense of course, but you need to demonstrate that you are pursuing her as a man (dick), and that you have the courage to make it known (balls), but keeping it cool and smooth. If you're just an interesting conversation partner, a woman doesn't need you enough to invest effort in you; just by existing a woman has plenty of people willing to talk to her, both male and female. What she doesn't always have is the sensation that an attractive man is interested in her, and it is up to you to build that attraction and show that interest through building value in your life and learning game.

MidoriEgg · 2023-08-24T17:14:47+00:00

Most girls I know would find it a turn off if the man is trying to sleep with them on the first date, but we probably come from different countries so our experiences might not be comparable.. Do you give out many compliments on the first date?

dumbbitchcas · 2023-08-24T18:23:32+00:00

Once you’ve been through the ringer of “guy who just wasn’t into you so treated you like shit” once you don’t want to do it again. It’s terrible.

WizKhalifasRoach · 2023-08-24T21:11:13+00:00

they seem to enjoy when they don’t know if you like them for some reason.

this one girl hooked up w me several times, but she didnt think i remembered her name because i never used it

TelevisionGloomy5458 · 2023-08-24T17:17:38+00:00

Yes. I want a guy who really wants me. Not one who is meh about me.

CustomerSeparate949 · 2023-08-24T21:47:32+00:00

So I am late to the party here but there are scenarios where I swear I am as dense as a slab of granite. I feel like most men I interact with regularly are perfectly nice to me (this is kind of outside of dating scenarios so maybe it doesn't apply), like friends of friends, co-workers, or anyone you see regularly and it NEVER occurs to me that they are interested, which is fine because its not a dating scenario. But so many times I will hear from another person that they are into me or talk about me. I have had professional interactions where the idea of them wanting to date or them being attracted to me never crossed my mind but then they will hit me up of social media and I am always surprised. Just an anecdote, may not be helpful, sorry

No-Introduction411 · 2023-08-25T00:57:40+00:00

Some men are afraid of showing their sex drive....too little and their gay ...to much and their in jail or in a 3 some 🤡 its so subjective with women.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-08-25T01:58:16+00:00

Ask her permission to kiss her and kiss her. Isn’t that enough at least for the beginning?

Cactus2711 · 2023-08-25T20:58:15+00:00

They are all wildly different. I’ve had women reject me for kissing them after the first date - to rejecting me because I didn’t try to sleep with them after a first date. It’s crazy how hard dating can be

Narrow-Currency-8408 · 2023-08-24T18:36:49+00:00

Not the "salivating over them" but yes if a man shows no interest, women will think you are uninterested in them. This seems obvious but this is why "players" get girls and get laid, while "average guys" get nothing. It's because one of them will court the woman, will message her more frequently, will compliment her, will hold hands and attempt to get physically closer, will show genuine interest about who she is, whereas the other one will attempt to make small talk that doesn't get much deeper, and then be surprised about how it's not going any further. This happens SO often!

tinasnow-poty · 2023-08-24T17:50:01+00:00

If a guy isn’t receptive to my flirting or touching, doesn’t try to touch me or give me compliments then I will assume he isn’t interested. Doesn’t have to try and fuck on the first date but at least hand holding

The women who unmatch after a few hours could just be crazy and want someone’s constant attention or they could have another reason for unmatching

still conditioned to believe if a guy isn’t fawning over her then he mustn’t be interested

Please understand that 9 out of 10 guys ARE fawning over us so the one that doesn’t, makes us think he is probably not interested. You not being effusive with your affection is atypical for a man, in my humble opinion. There are lots of men on Reddit who say they are slow to intimacy, but I’ve yet to meet one.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-24T18:15:17+00:00

yes if a man doesn't act interested in a way I understand i assume he's not interesting and discount him

1nightertype · 2023-08-24T19:44:07+00:00

Fr it’s bullshit. If I’m not trying to fuck the girl right away she thinks I’m not interested and if I don’t gas her up with complements her ego gets hurt and she says I’m treating her right

notions_of_adequacy · 2023-08-24T20:46:35+00:00

I would be considered a low value female so I assume most/no guys are interested in me unless it's very very obvious

toasterchild · 2023-08-24T21:56:03+00:00

I don't want the guy to be pushing me to have sex on a first date but I would like him to be able to flirt and communicate in someway that he's interested in having sex.

On dating apps, the numbers are so heavily in a woman's favor that within a few hours, I can already have a handful of potential dates i'm in conversations with. I will unmatch with others simply to cut down on how many possibilities I am juggling. It really is a first few in the door are going to have the best luck thing.

Can you try to learn how to flirt? That would be my number one recommendation for most men, it's just so good at creating connections.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-08-24T22:17:07+00:00

I wouldn’t recommend trying to fuck anyone on the first date (though you shouldn’t be opposed to it!). But women will expect you to flirt in a way that shows interest, and to try to escalate, somewhat

kitterkatty · 2023-08-25T00:37:09+00:00

It’s in the eyes I guess. Don’t come on too strong though.

No-Introduction411 · 2023-08-25T00:55:23+00:00

I have the opposite reaction with women. The less pressure, relaxed, friendly, approach always has women making the first move, in the sense it becomes obvious THEY are intrested and want me to strat making moves.

Maybe its the curiousity like, oh am i finally interacting with a guy not asking for nudes, sending dic pics, and being grossly inappropriate with language and topics. 🤷

Orangematcha · 2023-08-24T17:44:55+00:00

It’s funny you say that since men on this sub constantly bring up that being wanted feels good, but in this thread when a women does it it’s bad.

The likelihood that all women want that is 0%, there are normal women that want normal relationships, not everything is an extreme. Not every woman wants someone to bend at their whim. You personally know people in relationships. Does the female partner have all these extreme demands that your friends are complaining about or is it just things made up in a forum.

In your case maybe it’s the women you pick. Have you ever thought that possibly you’re a poor judge of character?

Bmiller1550 · 2023-08-24T19:27:52+00:00

The answer's somewhere in the middle.

Women want a man who's screening her just as much as she's screening him. It signals he has options and isn't won over easily, but is still attainable.

Every man who's ever dated knows acting over eager is a huge turn off for women. But at the same time you don't want to leave her feeling rejected either.

Play it cool, take it slow, and don't be afraid to let her do some of the pursuing as well. When she invests in you, reward her with more of your time and affection. Don't just hand it out for free.

George69143 · 2023-08-24T20:56:53+00:00

They usually just use this as an excuse to reject men they don’t find attractive. Remember the vast majority of men are unattractive to women so if you’re not attractive it doesn’t matter if you make a move too soon or too late, you will be rejected, it’s a non issue.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-24T18:02:37+00:00

If he isn’t acting interested, then I assume he isn’t.

Vegetable-South5499 · 2023-08-24T17:30:50+00:00

If she doesn't feel a "spark" this means that he is not attractive enough for her. That's what it is. Women want a guy to really like them, but two dudes could "salivate" and one would be interested and the other would be desperate and weird. Also, if the man likes a woman more than she likes him, it breeds resentment.

chalkandapples · 2023-08-24T17:34:40+00:00

Depends on the personality of the girl. I do have many friends that seem to want a pretty high level of interest from the guy early on. I think women tend to get a lot of attention from men at a young age, so someone showing a small amount of interest might not register compared to other source of interest.

I am someone that warms up slowly and don't show a very high level of interest at the beginning too. Because I can't be that interested in a relative stranger no matter how promising initial signs are. So I actually feel more comfortable around people that are similar to me and show a level of interest that makes sense to me. I dislike it when men show high levels of interest right off the bat because I don't understand why, and that makes him unrelatable and harder to connect with.

But regardless of my personality, most people like it when you show interest in them. Even as a girl I learned that guys don't want to continue dating if you show no sign of interest in them at all (or they perceives me as lacking interest). Dating got a lot easier when I decided to be more intentional in communicating that I'm interested. Even if it's not fawning over them, just verbalizing that I really wanted to continue dating is better than nothing.

Be reasonable with yourself and others, if someone unmatches when you don't say something for a couple of hours then that's unreasonable on her part and I would just write that off as you're not gonna get along with her anyways.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-24T17:44:27+00:00

I cannot speak for all women but I wasnt like this.

I was the opposite and turned off by men trying to screw me on the first few dates and potentially love bombing me.

Short_Record2443 · 2023-08-25T00:37:15+00:00

Women want simps... They are easier to control than men who don't trip over themselves to do what ever she asks of them

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-08-24T20:15:32+00:00

If a man didn’t show some form of interest, either by touching my hand or my arm as we were speaking, or a kiss/hug at the end of the night, or actually saying, at the end of the date that he would like to see me again, I’d assume he wasn’t interested. Especially if I was putting out signals, like touching his hand or his arm, and those weren’t reciprocated.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-08-24T20:30:17+00:00

For me, if I have to be the one to reach out more than a couple of times I assume “oh, he likes me enough to respond. But if he was into me he’d def be putting forth the effort.” To me actions say it all.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-08-24T22:01:50+00:00

Some people have a harder time reading cues than others, and lots of women are used to being hit on in a super direct way. When I was younger and more naive, I hung out with this guy multiple times after work and got drinks with him, but since he never made a sexual move on me I just didn’t consider that he might be into me. Looking back it was pretty obvious though. I know a lot of guys nowadays are concerned about coming off as creepy, which isn’t such a bad thing to be concerned about imo. You should care about whether the other person is comfortable. There are ways to show interest without being creepy though. Compliment non sexual features, or their outfit if you wanna play it safe.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-08-24T23:14:29+00:00

I prefer lusty and sensual men. It is not that I assume a man without it isn't interested, I just am not attracted to men lacking these traits, he could be in love for all I care honey, it wouldn't make a difference........... you can still find a woman if you are not a lusty man, however, for those with such the preference, these kind of men naturally enjoy attracting and being attracted to the opposite - almost more than actually having it, it would be more beneficial to you to identify lusty-minded women more than trying to become a lusty man if that is not who you are, to me it sounds like you would enjoy a woman that enjoys less intensity and a more easy approach to life and relationships, these women are typically very easy to miss because they do not enjoy the process or have no interest in lusty life - such as attracting and being attracted to humans, activities, careers, or animals, whatever her lust target is

"Lusty men" like to attract sex naturally by display, behavior and presentation, not directly to the act of sex ... He is a man that actually enjoys attracting chaotic opposite and otherness to him, not a man that just participates to just find a mate, the latter is a man looking for of any kind partner, not a woman of any kind in particular, a lusty-brained man enjoys the process of attracting sex, almost more than actually having it, he is addicted to the game so that women are to him, both invisible and irresistiable at the same time, and women can feel this lusty kind of man and tell him from far away, because he doesn't particularly chase, but embellishes himself so women come to him because he is obsessed with everything female, not just what is between the legs, but finds everything of the opposite or otherness intoxicating - it is my experience when a man is truly interested, there will be balance of all a lust for sex, mind, her toenails, and her favorite cup of coffee, just how she likes it, he takes up space rather than restrains her, and his way of taking of space, is as simple as wearing a fragrance, because already he is a step above the rest - passively but outwardly showing that he enjoys the process of attracting and her being attracted - so this kind of man always has flies, he puts off women that are not lusty-minded and do not enjoy the same things, but women like him are usually highly responsive, like a magnet, a lusty minded woman (and they are easy to spot in comparison to a mellow woman just blending into the background of average), would not be fulfilled with a man that is not lusty minded, it can happen but the woman will still crave more "unf" from him or feel frustrated he doesn't share the same energy that consumes her

And it doesn't have to be relationship stuff, but such a man can be lusty about anything, but it is more attractive when something of value

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-25T00:27:23+00:00

There is a difference between showing sexual/romantic interest and pushing sex. If a guy is not flirting or showing any interest beyond being friendly, yeah I’m going to assume he isn’t interested. This does not meaning trying to jump in bed right away though. There is a lot of room for flirting, kissing, and physical contact before intercourse is on the table. Women who want to jump in bed right away may not be that interested in a LTR, it just depends.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-08-25T00:34:39+00:00

I do. Having experience with guys who put in effort and obviously showed me that they want me, if a dude was acting lukewarm around me I'd assume he just wasn't that into me.

theprettyocean · 2023-08-25T04:45:28+00:00

Uhhh I don’t want a guy to try to sleep with me on the first date, but if I sense he’s not attracted to me or seems like he isn’t, of course I wouldn’t be interested.

Some men hide this a lot but in my opinion, they should show they’re attracted in a subtle way.

And then there are guys who literally try to go in for the kids way too soon.

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2023-08-24T18:36:33+00:00

It's not really about the sex. It's about passion and desire. I would not be with my man if he was blasé about me when we met. It's okay to be a little crazy when falling in love. As long as you are respectful and not crossing boundaries. Be excited to get to know someone! A girl just walked into your life and it should be fun. Only do things after a normal conversation is flowing and you sense you are connecting. It's weird when men are romantic or sexual out the blue without any signals. You can just sense if someone likes you.

Lastly - you probably attract more submissive women. That's why they want you to make the first move and shower them in attention.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-08-24T17:50:54+00:00

Maybe date conservative or religious women who aren't all that motivated by sex.

The majority of typically developing women prefer some sign of chemistry and mutual attraction.

BeneficialRush4171 · 2023-08-24T19:32:05+00:00

Yes. I’m not a mind reader, if a guy doesn’t say something I’m not gonna just know that he really likes me.

Barneysparky · 2023-08-24T18:44:10+00:00

The opposite, if a guy tries for sex on the first date I know a couple of things about him. He's not that into me and or we're not a match.

If a guy isn't matching my energy when we start dating we are also not a match. I'm a joined at the hip kinda dater after the first few dates, I'm not a match for someone who wants to talk and see each other once a week.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-24T19:27:48+00:00

I've been on dates that were perfectly pleasant but nothing more than that. Like the guy was decent, we engaged in conversation but I didn't think he was all that interested in me. I don't really know if this is a good way to describe it, but on the dates I've been where I could tell the guy was genuinely interested in me, he'd listen attentively, if we were talking about pets he'd engage me further on the topic, not just stop at ''do you have any pets?'', his body language is different from someone who is just kinda meh on you.

Now, could it have been that a guy like that may have been into me but he just didn't express it in a way that made it clear? Sure. But I can't really know that if it looks like the guy is just making polite conversation that he'd be making if he was talking with someone at the bus stop or something.

begayallday · 2023-08-24T19:34:10+00:00

I generally felt like a guy was interested if he asked me out again shortly after the first date, and called/texted me the day after.

Laurely4u · 2023-08-24T19:59:38+00:00

I think the converse, if a guy tries to cash in his chips early in 1-2 dates he wasn’t that serious about developing long term and is probably scamming about for random easy women. If he respectfully waits for three dates then he’s probably trying to develop a longer term relationship with select women and if he bides his time for more than 7 dates he is mostly wanting a supportive friend.

pink-bubbly · 2023-08-24T21:28:45+00:00

I think what's missing from this conversation is that women want to have sex and want to look and feel desired sexually, but not pressured to have sex at that moment.

It's kinda like leaving the light on or the door open. Make suggestive comments, flirty looks, etc. all things people on this thread have been mentioning, but do not make me feel like I need to have sex with you TODAY. In my opinion, that's the difference between being creepy and showing interest.

I really appreciate an "exit strategy" and you get extra points in my book for being really cool if and when I say no. I want to make my own decision about wanting to have sex (a definitively risky thing for women) with you, and if you attempt to "want to come back and watch a movie?" before you know about my sexual past and general behavior, I'm going to assume you're stupid and way too risky to take seriously. I would absolutely make suggestive comments, give lingering touches, and make lovey-doves eyes at someone I am sexually attracted to, but being sexually attracted to him does not mean that I would have sex with him. Two different things in my book.

Men that show sexual attraction but don't push and don't make hasty, unintelligent decisions are what I (and I'm going to assume most women) are looking for.

Oli_love90 · 2023-08-24T23:09:03+00:00

If a guy isn’t atleast slightly enthusiastic to hang out then I always assume he’s not interested and just went on the date because he felt like he had to or I was one of the least appealing options.

I think I’m used to people either showing some positive or negative reaction that anything in between is harder to figure out.

Silver_Phoenix93 · 2023-08-25T10:43:14+00:00

Personally, no - I wouldn't assume that a guy isn't into me just because he's not flirting furiously, can't keep his hands to himself, isn't trying to get into my pants on the first date, or doesn't reply immediately after we match. I actually prefer men who display the opposite behaviour...

I reckon different people have different ways of conveying their interest, and the only way one can be sure whether they're attracted to us or not is to get to know them. Making assumptions (instead of taking time to get to know the other person or just straight out asking if they're interested) seems rather puerile to me...

But then again, I've often been told my thoughts on dating and relationships are rather bizarre, so my opinion might be in the minority.

kdkdkd64664 · 2023-08-25T16:27:20+00:00

I think a lot of men don’t understand how much context matters for most of us too.

When I was dating I’d basically never kiss or sleep with a dating app date on the first date. Or if they were a stranger I met at some party or bar. But someone I knew longer term who decided to shoot their shot? Yeah that’s happened a couple times. It was more about my predetermined comfort in the situation than it was how into them I was. Just some perspective.

redkoicarp · 2023-08-24T18:39:17+00:00

Not at all, no

I’ve had several dates where women tell me they didn’t feel a spark or flat out ghost me and when I’ve expressed my surprise they elaborated that they didn’t think I was that interested…

I hate to say this, but it sounds like an excuse. Even more shameful - I think I've said similar things before when I wasn't really honest to myself and that guy.

There is, however, a sign of plain desinterest that is super offputting. Not if you are absolutely desperate for that guy and all over the moon for him, I am afraid (or at least you're not as quickly to be put off by that), but in a "getting to know you" stage with guys that have potential I would say plain desinterest is a dealbreaker. I definitely stopped bothering further with guys I was initially mildly to moderately interested in, only because I felt like I had to do all the work, I had to run after them, they didn't show any effort or interest etc. So in this case, of course it's a problem.

It might be worth taking a look at how you communicating with your dates, or how you engage with one another in your messages. That might make or break the deal.

badgersonice · 2023-08-25T19:01:02+00:00

Women tend to bring social bonding, social network building, and community care to the table for society… but many men, including likely yourself, do not recognize or appreciate this work. And women are abandoning it more and more in the corporate grind anyways, since men value it so little— and this is leading more and more to loneliness, particularly for men, being an epidemic. Like, what’s the point in building social networks for your man and family if he doesn’t give a shit about the community anyways?

As for whether women could restrain themselves from harming men with their social organizing abilities— there is no end to men complaining about how horrible is that women have lobbied and organized feminism. Imagine how much more horrible it would be if women truly organized with the goal of harming and destroying men. Women generally do not do such things, and it is fortunate for society that we participate and build social bonds rather than destroying them.

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Safinated · 2023-08-24T17:30:31+00:00

No. All he has to do is take interest in my thoughts, life and feelings

Loud_Definition6669 · 2023-08-24T19:18:19+00:00

Persistent, particular desire for me that is apparent is basically a prerequisite for my arousal. Early infatuation for me is experienced as a narrative in which I am somebody's dream lover

Title	Do women often assume if a guy isn’t salivating over them that he must not be very interested?
Author	StaticNocturne
Upvotes	83
Comments	243
Date	August 24, 2023 5:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1607vk7/do_women_often_assume_if_a_guy_isnt_salivating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-often-assume-if-a-guy-isnt-salivating.1229603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229603

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