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Would you abandon an 18 year old if you discovered they weren't your biological child?

Solondthewookiee · 2024-07-15T19:40:45+00:00

Your putative son or daughter turns 18, they are a legal adult and you have no child support obligations. You discover your wife cheated 18 years ago, you do a...

Solondthewookiee

July 15, 2024

4 upvotes

/r/PurplePillDebate

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Post Information

Title	Would you abandon an 18 year old if you discovered they weren't your biological child?
Author	Solondthewookiee
Upvotes	4
Comments	434
Date	July 15, 2024 7:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e441qr/would_you_abandon_an_18_year_old_if_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-abandon-an-18-year-old-if-you-discovered.1524358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524358

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That's a dumbass take

Yes, your comment is.

In this scenario you raised the kid from diapers to adulthood. That's your kid in every sense of the word and every way that matters.

Nah, because I would reject it as my kid. My consent is the only thing that matters, and I would go to the grave firmly establishing I never consented to such a relationship.

Dump the mom absolutely, make her life hell go for it, be distant from kid until you get your feelings sorted out completely justified but to not claim the kid despite doing so previously for 18 years is idiotic.

Nah, it is the correct course of action. Allowing the cheater's lie to continue is just subjecting myself to more abuse. I don't expect the spineless to understand, I expect you to hold others to irrelevant standards to compensate for living your own life out of fear.

Edited to add:

Fear? What does that have to do with it

It's what is keeping you from advocating for your own dignity even in the imaginary confines of a hypothetical scenario.

you were said kids father for 18+ years.

Nah, the man was just an abuse victim nearly two decades. That kid is part of the weapon system used against him.

It would be one thing if you found out when kid was 5 at this point the damage has been done.

Yeah, the mom used the kid to inflict the harm, so expecting it to heal instantly is inhumane.

That makes you dad in every way that matters

You do not get to define this for anyone. Thanks for telling a man his consent does not matter, that was the point behind OP's post as well.

Jesus fucking Christ this makes you the exact same as deadbeat dads who don't take care of their kids.

No it does not, because those dads actually have kids. The dad in this scenario does not, just an abusive wife and the unfortunate innocent she weaponized against him. He cannot take care of anyone if he cannot take care of himself, which most people cannot do by associating with the sources of the harm they suffered.

Conflating this man, who is an abuse victim, with negligent fathers is pretty absurd.

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No, because you haven’t ‘raised’ a 0 day old newborn even for a few hours lol. I don’t have a definition, I was talking about the scenario from the post. Personally, I believe it’s definitely after a child is aware and views you as their parent. When this starts can be debated.

I am not talking about legal rights (you don’t have those to an adult child, whether they are biological or not.) But if ‘kidnappers’ raise a kid from the newborn stage to adulthood, those are in fact and in practice the kid’s parents. They do not have to be good people. The kid has grown up with them as their parental figures, even if they acquired them illegally.

Genetics are important to make sure the ‘randomly handed out babies’ aren’t siblings and won’t start committing incest later. Also, because you can have a family history of diseases that you are aware of that needs to be taken into consideration for that child’s medical care. And if they need blood or some organ donations, it’s easier to find matching donors from a bunch of biologically related people.

Which is why I never said raising non-bio kids should be the norm or that we are supposed to randomize babies. But when it comes to the case described in the post, as well as the other examples I talked about, it’s already something that happened. You cannot turn back time. If you figure out a way to time-travel back to the day the baby was born, you have all the right to leave the baby and your wife. But in reality there is no turning back and you are already the parent of that child. Even if you came to be his dad because of a lie.

Can you explain how you view the biological link as completely necessary? (well you actually don’t, because you said aware adoption is still ok, which makes even less sense, if biology was truly an essential component of parenthood, it could never be superseded even by consent.) Because it seems to be a very essentialist argument, only there is not much essence or substance to it other than a feeling.

[–]Bro_with_passportPurple Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If you don’t have a proper standard as to when a child, “becomes someone’s” child, who’s to say that it ever happens at all?

I see you acknowledged that genetics do matter to avoid incest, paternity fraud does increase risk of incest. It also messes up the child’s medical history to a similar extent as swapping babies in the hospital. So I’m not sure why you are against one, yet so nonchalant about the other.

My position is that parenthood can be established through biology, or formal adoption (by the standards of the relevant culture). The reason why that’s my position is that a relationship founded on a lie, is voidable. Not void per se, but that the victim of said deception deserves the choice to continue or dissolve the relationship. I also believe that paternity fraud should be both a criminal and civil offense; that way, the victim can be compensated for lost time and money, and the perpetrator can be held responsible with prison time, fines, a criminal record, or a combination of those options based on length and severity of the fraud.

[–]untamed-italianPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Personally, I believe it’s definitely after a child is aware and views you as their parent.

What the child thinks is irrelevant, it is not up to them.

, those are in fact and in practice the kid’s parents.

No, they are the kid's abductors not their parents. That is a lie.

They do not have to be good people. The kid has grown up with them as their parental figures, even if they acquired them illegally.

The kid's opinion is irrelevant. The kid is wrong because the kid was deceived. You have a noteworthy obsession with trying to pass off lies as truth.

'Chosen family' sure, whatever, if that matters to you fine. But blood is not a matter of your pretense or opinion.

Genetics are important to make sure the ‘randomly handed out babies’ aren’t siblings and won’t start committing incest later. Also, because you can have a family history of diseases that you are aware of that needs to be taken into consideration for that child’s medical care. And if they need blood or some organ donations, it’s easier to find matching donors from a bunch of biologically related people.

It is VERY noteworthy you do not mention the importance of biological parenthood to the parent, especially the dad.

But when it comes to the case described in the post, as well as the other examples I talked about, it’s already something that happened. You cannot turn back time.

Does not matter, I can still kill the lie in the present. You cannot shame men into accepting your lies.

you have all the right to leave the baby and your wife.

The man has this anyway, that is neither his baby nor his wife. She broke the contract of marraige.

and you are already the parent of that child. Even if you came to be his dad because of a lie.

Wrong. This is up to the man, not you, and any claim otherwise is just another lie.

Can you explain how you view the biological link as completely necessary?

No. You can either accept it or you can cling to your lies. If you cannot understand its necessity by instinct then language will not help you overcome your self imposed limitations.

you said aware adoption is still ok

This is not based on a lie.

Because it seems to be a very essentialist argument, only there is not much essence or substance to it other than a feeling.

Guess you think a man's consent has no substance because it is a man's.

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[–]jay10033No Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]jay10033No Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Cunning_Linguists_12% bodyfat red/black pill man 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Unable_Evidence_4028Red Pill Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]supermassiveflop 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Unable_Evidence_4028Red Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 20 points21 points22 points 2 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bro_with_passportPurple Pill Man 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bro_with_passportPurple Pill Man 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PurplePillDebate-ModTeam[M] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years agolocked comment (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]PradaAndPunishmentPink Pill Woman -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]RikardoShillyShallyChill Pilled Man 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It has everything to do with the kids as a by product of adultery. Why would I need to associate with a constant reminder of adultery in my face daily where I already spent 20+ years of my life being lied too?

As I clearly stated, if she didn't want to end up in a shit storm that effects everyone she's connected with, don't make the decision to commit adultery and try to hide the kid.

Simple enough to be honest and give the fathers at least enough respect to decide for themselves to stay or leave at the time of conception.

This is the problem with today's society. Your so damn tied up in "what if" and just telling people in general they should just accept such horrible outcomes while absolving hee of any accountability. In this scenario after 20 years, I paid those dues 20 fold.

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]untamed-italianPurple Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]untamed-italianPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]AcephalicDudeBlue Pill Man -6 points-5 points-4 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[+]HappyCat79Blue Pill Woman -6 points-5 points-4 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Independent-Mail-227Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]69Txcouple69Red Pill Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]razorflossPurple Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Spicy_takeRed Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 19 points20 points21 points 2 years ago (87 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (86 children) | Copy Link

[–]TokimonatakanimekatBear-man 28 points29 points30 points 2 years ago (53 children) | Copy Link

[+]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -9 points-8 points-7 points 2 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

[–]K4matayonblackpill man 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]K4matayonblackpill man 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]K4matayonblackpill man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]untamed-italianPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TokimonatakanimekatBear-man 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]MentathielPurple Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]MentathielPurple Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

I say supposedly because we had wars, we were bombed by NATO, and had a violent revolution, and our country dissolved into multiple smaller ones. I'm really not sure how accurate people's recountings of what happened in hospitals were. I do believe a lot of shit happened, we passed legislation to prevent some of it after, but I really can't be sure, so I emphasized.

And paternity fraud is awful, should be heavily criminally penalized, nobody should be legally responsible for a child that isn't theirs if they don't want to be & agree to be knowing the child isn't theirs, and is a uniquely male issue and worry which we don't fully understand as women, yes.

But your opinions here are strange and I think unique to redpill spaces. I've asked some men in my life since these discussions started here and they were like ofc I don't abandon the kid at that point, wtf. Most people don't have that much of a biologically essentialist view of what a family is and can direct their anger appropriately at the cheating woman. They don't think they should be legally forced to, but they say they would voluntarily continue acting as a parent because they would simply love the child and see it as theirs by that point. I'm not sure what the general population thinks and what-not, maybe I'm in my own bubble of people with similar views. But the reason women here are reacting like this is because your stances are actually surprising to us. Men from our lives don't see things the same.

And other than that dude who actually has children, has talked to them about this, and has cut off family members before, who definitely knows exactly what he's saying, I kind of don't believe a lot of you completely. I understand how this is a logical conclusion if you center evolutionary thinking and passing your DNA and what-not and how your anger at women and their ability to defraud you in this way wants you to make sure they don't end up benefitting from it in evolutionary terms. But if you've never had a kid, I wonder if you can actually imagine what it is to love a child for almost two decades. It is dismissed with such casual remarks of like "it is unfortunate, but oh well" and it doesn't seem like many are considering the emotional gravity of cutting off such a close person. Maybe I can't imagine exactly what it's like as I honestly don't worry about it, but trying to imagine hypothetical scenarios I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could cut the kid off. Maybe if they were like still an infant. I'm not sure up to what age honestly, but I would very quickly develop parental feelings that would be hard to let go of. I'm just not that rational or utilitarian, Idk.

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Most people don't have that much of a biologically essentialist view of what a family is

Most do. But Europeans, even Eastern Europeans, have gotten better at not being honest about it anymore.

Which is why I always recommend anyone to look at revealed preferences (i.e. what people actually do) rather than stated preferences. In practice, in such situations, leaving the child is the absolute norm everywhere. And for good reason.

But if you've never had a kid

Well, I do. And of course I tested at birth. My missus agrees with me because she also comes from a family of normal people - rather than Internet idealists. Besides, she witnessed in her youth what such deception can lead to.

I kind of don't believe a lot of you completely

You're free to believe or disbelieve whatever you want. After all, this is a semi-anonymous forum in which normal people are under-represented.

Nevertheless, there's a reason stories like these make the headlines - because they're rare. The norm, upon finding out, is to cut ties. And the victim blaming and shaming on this sub is disgusting to the core. Quite frankly, the "blue pill" men here should rush to test their own children (if they have them) given the replies by almost all women here.

But the reason women here are reacting like this is because your stances are actually surprising to us.

Nice excuse. Not buying it.

Women know very well what paternity fraud is. They just can't fathom that men would indeed be willing to inflict hard consequences for such betrayal.

Sure, if women had been more empathetic (generally they are, but not women on this sub), it wouldn't even be hard to imagine.

Imagine if we started banning abortion for victims of rape and also shame and try to coerce female victims of rape to raise the child of their rapist using the same rationale: "The child is innocent, though" -> now that would be fucked-up, wouldn't it?

Well, to me y'all are doing the exact same thing: "You've been abused, deceived and stepped over for 18 years. So how dare you not take it anymore?!" -> to which the normal reaction is: "Go fuck yourself!"

[–]MentathielPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Most do.

Source? As said, I acknowledge I might be in a bubble. I acknowledge that men in my life might not be introspective enough to know what they'd do in such a situation. I might not be either. But this view is simply surprising to me, I don't view it that way, people around me don't view it that way, and I don't have any data about what happens irl statistically.

To be clear, if you find out early on, I understand, I'd leave too. I don't know exactly where the line is. The closer to birth I found out the less attached I would be and more likely to bail. And when I say "the line" I mean the line for me personally to find it weird for you not to be too emotionally attached to just cut someone off, not a legal line or something.

Well, I do. And of course I tested at birth.

If you hadn't done that and found out right now that it wasn't your kid, you're telling me you'd feel nothing for the kid tomorrow?

Women know very well what paternity fraud is. They just can't fathom that men would indeed be willing to inflict hard consequences for such betrayal.

I would understand if you were like.. Damn, that would suck. It would hurt to be separated from a kid I've loved for so long and I know how damaging it would be to them to lose a father to this type of situation. But I really don't want to reward predatory behavior of women because I rationally understand that I am contributing to making that a more viable dating strategy. Or something like that. I don't think suppressing bad dating strategies works like that exactly, but it would be a comprehensible opinion to me. Claiming you'd cut a kid off coldly and not care about them if it wasn't biologically yours is not comprehensible to me. People love people they're not related to all of the time.

Imagine if we started banning abortion for victims of rape and also shame and try to coerce female victims of rape to raise the child of their rapist using the same rationale: "The child is innocent, though" -> now that would be fucked-up, wouldn't it?

Again, I'm not advocating any legal obligations for men who're victims of paternity fraud. I just think it's hella cold to abandon a child you've been a parent to for over a decade.

I'm also pro-life. Rape should probably be a legal exception because you didn't cause the situation yourself, so there's no grounds to legally demand you relinquish your bodily autonomy the same as with voluntary sex. But I do also think the child is innocent there. You can carry to term and give up for adoption or something. There's a waiting list for adopting infants, kids who are struggling to be placed are older kids, disabled, minorities, etc. in most countries.

[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Aafan_BarbarroMan 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]classicslayerPurple Pill Man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Thanesg 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TokimonatakanimekatBear-man 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]youreloserNo Pill Man -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]untamed-italianPurple Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Innocent_boi_77Purple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PurplePillDebate-ModTeam[M] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years agolocked comment (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]DietTyronePurple Pill Man (Red Leaning) 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]DietTyronePurple Pill Man (Red Leaning) 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DietTyronePurple Pill Man (Red Leaning) 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes of course there's damage. But to permanently decide to never speak to the kid again, to not even be their friend as they enter adulthood?

This is entirely dependent on how the individual guy handles the news. Not all guys are the same. Some will be able to look past it and still treat the kid the same. Others may be extremely bothered being around the kid knowing it's a byproduct of infedelity and that they were tricked into raising them.

If the kid notices that discomfort, anger, despair, etc. It's not going to be beneficial to either of them forcing them to spend time together before resolving that trauma.

The man and the kid have been hurt by the same woman, they shouldn't be hurting each other as a result.

It's not like the guy in that situation is actively choosing to blame the kid or take it out on the kid passively. It's a knee jerk reaction to having your entire world flipped upside down.

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]FirmQuarter6623Red Pill Man | Eastern Europe 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Perfect-Resist5478Purple Pill Woman -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]abaxeronRed Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]youreloserNo Pill Man -4 points-3 points-2 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Thanesg 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Smut_PoliceRed Pill Man 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Smut_PoliceRed Pill Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Smut_PoliceRed Pill Man 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThienBao1107Overdosed on Pills Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheCounsellingGamerNo Pill- Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]stats135Red Pill Man 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]stats135Red Pill Man 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]crazyeddie123Purple Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]stats135Red Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThienBao1107Overdosed on Pills Man 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AcephalicDudeBlue Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]T-Rex-The-AlphaRed Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]T-Rex-The-AlphaRed Pill Man 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]T-Rex-The-AlphaRed Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Well glad you asked.

She made the heavy decision to cheat on you, not only did she blocked you to get her pregnant from you, no she had a true desire to get a child from someone else. She essentially took the journey upon her to find a man she found genetically attractive, she broke the rules of marriage to be with a man she desires and had no rules, maybe even she had you at the same time, or maybe she just jerked you off so she was ready to receive the genetics from another mate. If that sounds crazy, then yes it kinda is, yes we have instincts and we don’t know that we act on them most of the time. She even risked it to get you an STD her desire was that strong for her first consideration, while you’re her second consideration. Even Red Pillers ego is that strong that prevents them from seeing it and rather believe the lie that this isn’t true, If this sounds disturbing, yes it kinda is.

And if that isn’t funny enough, she technically had to lie to you this entire time. While you worked hard to be someone’s second consideration this entire time. The scorn and rejection, even blue pill men don’t lose a kind word about this, but at least they try harder to please someone, rather to please themselves and get their act together and start living in their own interests.

I don’t know about you, but lying is pretty much a difficult task to hold up, ppl are wonky when they lie and you read from the body language that they lie. How is it possible to hide such a big lie from you? Well one element is you want to believe the lie (obviously to shield you from what is going on). And another element is, she had to lie to herself that she’s still a good person after she did such an attack on your dignity and convinced you to stick around. How come that someones strategies to use guilt and shame to get others to do what she wants, doesn’t makes her feel guilty, that’s a interesting question.

If i abandon the child from and standpoint of self interests, then the exact thing happens what you did, you will shame me for it, which i will say, i don’t care.

I did my best, i took precious time and recourses for food and education, it took precious time to sit with someone who clearly doesn’t look like me together and talk trough things, hand out assertive tools so mom and the teachers couldn’t use their manipulative strategies on the kid with constant character attacks so it won’t grow up completely lost and anxious. It takes time not protecting the kid from failure so it learns to stand up and learn from the gift of mistakes and you’re a observer and guide. It takes a lotta effort for our brains to keep up this self lie, even if we kinda know, but we never know.. to make someone else’s genetic legacy to a functional human being, someone else’s genetics will maybe one day create something great on this planet maybe develope the next big world changing thing.. and it was not my own genetics. The kid is 18 years old, and i influenced the kid hopefully good enough so it will decide to thrive in this world, so chances are the life it has is a breeze. We need to let go kids anyways, they aren’t ours they are their own individual beings and not our extensions of our ego. We cannot manipulate our kids that they pay back their side of our covert contract that they take care of us or even seeing us at out deathbed.

I anticipated in making the world a better place as a secondary consideration. I choose to ignore the red flags, i let someone in my life who made me her second consideration, and i choose to ignore this. time to learn from it and make better decisions from now on to be someone’s first consideration. Nothing in life is unconditional.

If you make this decision to stay in contact with the kid without anyone influencing you, and weaponizing your morality and guilt against you, then that’s your decision. Then, i respect you for your decisions. It’s your decision you own it and you live with it.

This post and entire comment section is a glimpse into the human condition.

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]T-Rex-The-AlphaRed Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]T-Rex-The-AlphaRed Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link

[–]SolondthewookieeBlue Pill Man[S] 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]OffTheRedSand||| -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[+]OffTheRedSand||| -8 points-7 points-6 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThienBao1107Overdosed on Pills Man -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThienBao1107Overdosed on Pills Man -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]AcephalicDudeBlue Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[+]PpdebatesomentalPurple Pill Woman -7 points-6 points-5 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]OffTheRedSand||| -7 points-6 points-5 points 2 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]youreloserNo Pill Man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]arvada14 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]kongeriketMarried Red Pill Man | Sex positive | European 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (96 children) | Copy Link

[–]Electric_Death_1349Purple Pill Man 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]tiddermacssPurple Pill Man 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]jay10033No Pill Man 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Electric_Death_1349Purple Pill Man 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Freethinker312No Pill Woman 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]FirmQuarter6623Red Pill Man | Eastern Europe 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TokimonatakanimekatBear-man 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]HighestTierMaslowNo Pill Woman. I hate people. 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]ImpossibleJaguar2727 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]EqualSea2001Woman 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SaBahRubBlue Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Valuable-Marzipan761 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DumbWordsmithSolo Dolo Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Freethinker312No Pill Woman 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TokimonatakanimekatBear-man 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]purplepillparadox 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]Purple_Cruncher_123Purple Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]BarneysparkyPurple Pill Woman 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]KayRay1994Man 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

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The point is that they don’t know it’s not theirs

That makes it worse. In the scenario I just brought up, the woman can say no to a situation they wouldn't want any part of. In this situation, the men are tricked into believing the kid is there's so that they provide time and resources to another man's kid. It's a situation most would have never agreed to if they knew the truth, so it's an even worse deception since their trust was used against them and they were actively lied to for years. Yet, you expect them to just accept that with no retribution? That's completely unrealistic.

The equivalent would be someone giving the mom the wrong baby and she didn’t find out until they were an adult.

If it was done on purpose she would want to sue and destroy everyone responsible.
She would probably want to find her real child still.
Having someone you don't know commit such an act is not nearly as bad as finding out the person you trusted the most cheated on you, had another person's kid, tricked you into raising the other person's kid while lying to your face for 18 years straight.

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This is something I was thinking about having browsed these threads the past few days. Suppose we reform the law to allow the deceived parent (mostly fathers, but who knows, let's make it gender neutral) to legally sue for backpay, adjusted for inflation, for however many years they were deceived until the age of the child being a legal adult.

It will likely mean little in terms of actual material recovery since I doubt the wayward former spouse will ever be able to pay it back in full. It's obviously not everything or even anywhere near the important parts. Thinking that someone's your bio-child and losing that in addition to the betrayal discovery is beyond devastating. But legally, it's probably one of the few avenues for any sort of meaningful restorative justice (as inadequate as it is).

I honestly think just the public recognition of them having been wronged and knowing there's any sort of restorative recourse will have gone a long way. But it seems like we're so quick to paper over how the betrayed partner feels and immediately say well what about the child.

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Ok, what would you do if your kid was switched after birth?

Find my real kid and get revenge on the hospital. It wouldn't be as hard on me still being in the life of the kid I raised, considering he's not the byproduct of me being cheated on and lied to for 18 years. I'd still be furious, but not as emotionally destroyed as being betrayed by someone I loved.

Also, let’s suppose your bio kid unfortunately passed away before you found out about them, so you can’t switch them back.

I would likely still inform my kid's bio parents since I'm assuming they would want to know about the child they actually conceived. They should at least have the right to know of their bio child's existence.

Does this change your answer and if yes, how?

This changes my answer because it's easier to accept and move on from a betrayal or screwup from a complete stranger at a hospital, than being cheated on and lied to for almost 2 decades from someone you loved, trusted, and that was close to you. One instance involves a singular lie, the other is 18 years of lying.

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And what are you going to do differently compared to the other scenario?

I wouldn't feel as bad in the baby swap scenario, so my relationship with the kid likely wouldn't suffer to a major extent. However, if the kid is a byproduct of paternity fraud, I might be reminded of being cheated on and deceived by the mother when I'm around that kid.

I assume it would by the difference between a normal unplanned pregnancy vs getting pregnant after being raped. In the later scenario, the child could be a reminder of the traumatic event. It may not seem fair, but emotions aren't logical. We can only control how we feel to an extent and mental health needs to be taken into account here.

How are you going to treat the kid?

I doubt anything would change much between me and the kid switched in the hospital. However, the kid from paternity fraud might remind me of the fact that I was cheated on and this is the byproduct of her getting her back blown out behind my back. I likely wouldn't blame the kid but may still feel rage from time to time and want to distance myself. It's hard to say how anyone would act in that scenario, but I likely wouldn't just behave like nothing has changed. Or maybe I will be able to completely detach them from what was done to me. Who knows?

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