Power makes men sexually attractive:Better to be an asshole than nice

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-02-17T01:34:46+00:00

People do not instantly associate being nice as being beneath them. But if you think that acting nice requires you act as though you're beneath someone they may start to treat you like it. I've known plenty of extremely kind people who I have seen as equal or even better than me precisely BECAUSE they were kind.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-02-17T03:37:18+00:00

Power Effect in Attraction

1. Evolutionary Preferences and Power:

Power signals (status, competence, assertiveness) drive attraction, especially short-term (Weisfeld & Woodward, 2004).
Prestige (earned respect) over dominance (control) leads to higher relationship quality (Körner et al., 2023).

2. Power vs. Personality Impact:

Power-driven traits (dominance, confidence) create short-term appeal but often reduce long-term satisfaction if not paired with warmth or agreeableness (Burger & Cosby, 1999).
Emotional stability and conscientiousness (non-power traits) surpass dominance for long-term success (Figueredo et al., 2006).

3. Short-Term vs. Long-Term Outcomes of Power:

Short-Term: Confidence and risk-taking are attractive but linked to relationship instability (Borráz-León et al., 2024).
Long-Term: Kindness, competence, and emotional stability predict lasting relationship success (Selterman et al., 2015).

Bottom Line: Power, when expressed through competence and confidence, is attractive short-term but needs warmth and stability for long-term success.

CarHungry · 2025-02-17T03:05:11+00:00

Observational studies are weak, general surveys are even worse.

Although DV is common enough and true crime has an almost exclusive female demo, but if you aren't naturally an asshole you'll just end up demoralizing yourself. Trust me I've been there..

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-02-17T03:31:12+00:00

I like data: from consensus

Bad Boy vs. Good Boy Paradigm

1. Evolutionary Perspective:

Women prefer dominant traits (confidence, assertiveness) for short-term mating and kind, stable traits for long-term partnerships (Weisfeld & Woodward, 2004).
Physical attractiveness and status drive initial attraction for both sexes (Selterman et al., 2015).

2. Modern Behavioral Findings:

Prestige (respect through skill) increases relationship quality; dominance (power through control) harms it [(Körner et al., 2023)]().
Speed-dating shows kindness and humor outweigh stereotypical "bad boy" traits (Selterman et al., 2015).

3. Personality Traits Impact:

Agreeableness, conscientiousness, and low neuroticism predict long-term relationship success (Figueredo et al., 2006).
Dark traits (narcissism, psychopathy) cause short-term attraction but long-term toxicity [(Borráz-León et al., 2024)]().

Bottom Line:
"Bad boy" traits appeal short-term; "good boy" traits sustain long-term relationships. Modern dating favors kindness, emotional stability, and competence over dominance or risk-taking..

LoudPiece6914 · 2025-02-17T04:36:50+00:00

Stop listening to what women say and become the best version of yourself. Don’t be an asshole be a normal human but don’t help a woman who is not sleeping with you.

Next_Measurement_824 · 2025-02-17T01:59:20+00:00

nice tall guy > asshole short guy

And of course

Asshole short guy > Nice short guy

Also tall people whether or not they are nice wont fight another tall person if they are cream of the crop (no one above them in height to challenge them)

Ok_Use7 · 2025-02-17T04:39:00+00:00

Why be nice when power is what benefits a man?

Because red pill has made the game too easy. Countless sects of men have regressed mentally, socially and finically beyond unimaginable means.

In today’s world, women are generally left with two options, loser men and the rest. The gap in experiences between losers and the rest speaks for itself.

If we’re all trying to get ass, which often are, being nice among a competing field of incapable men works too well in the current climate to ever risk not obtaining casual sex by abiding by what this post promotes.

ThatsWhatSheVersed · 2025-02-17T03:51:51+00:00

Really interesting idea. My only issue is being an asshole doesn’t make you powerful. But I think you’re on to something here

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-02-17T02:46:24+00:00

The men who say this are typically unsuccessful with women

KayRay1994 · 2025-02-17T04:32:42+00:00

Being an asshole is better than being nice, true - because ultimately niceness is weakness (note, I’m saying niceness - not goodness or kindness)

That being said, your view of this as a binary is what I have a problem with + your general view of “I’d rather be the asshole and get what I want even at the cost of others” is one I take serious issue with

Firstly, it isn’t a binary - you can assert your boundaries, know what you want, be unapologetic without going full blown asshole and taking advantage of others. In other words, you can show respect and kindness to others while also making it clear that you are not to be corssed.

Now for the second point, I find it both morally abhorrent and pathetic to take advantage of others solely get the approval of the opposite sex, cause that’s what you’re saying “be an asshole so I can get the approval of women”.

I also think there is this constant disconnect, the being an asshole part isn’t what makes the asshole attractive - it’s the confidence, assertiveness, the fun factor and the fact that he knows what he wants. You can have all that while still treating others well

Legate_Retardicus84 · 2025-02-17T15:23:01+00:00

Being nice only gets you taken advantage of. I'm not saying you should go out of your way to be an asshole but it sure is better than being nice.

G4M35 · 2025-02-17T03:27:54+00:00

Power makes men sexually attractive:

Yes. Correct.

Better to be an asshole than nice

You're misunderstanding that "power" and "being an asshole" are one and the same. Every poodle is a dog, but not every dog is a poodle. Some people in power are assholes, but not all assholes are in power.

Confidence is the answer. Confident people go up the "food chain scale"; while people who lack confidence have trouble doing so, and see all confident people as assholes.

And unfortunately, today's society pushes people to be insecure, and there are not good role models and guidance to gain/regain confidence. It's sad.

griii2 · 2025-02-17T07:37:03+00:00

Power makes men sexually attractive. I would rather be sexually unattractive than an asshole.

Enjoy being sexually attractive asshole, dude.

themfluencer · 2025-04-15T00:24:09+00:00

It’s easier to gain power and fame by doing the wrong thing than by doing the right thing.

Being a moral upstanding character is always the harder choice. It’s why it’s far more admirable.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-02-17T15:12:51+00:00

Why is “power” defined as an asshole or negative thing?

Leaders need to make hard choices. People need to be corrected and held accountable to learn and and get to the next level

Iron sharpens iron and struggles and challenges force growth.

None of these things have to be done in an asshole way.

I really don’t think people here really understand what power is.

TheRedPillRipper · 2025-02-17T02:05:31+00:00

Better to be an asshole than nice

One attracts more ants with sugar, than salt. Whilst I know a thing or two about power, one of the best mentors always drummed into me; never burn bridges from your end. It doesn’t matter what the other party has done. Forgive them. Don’t forget it, but give them grace. This isn’t just because we’re Christians either. He was an extremely high achiever. Owned the firm. Rhode’s Scholar. Socially, was the most charismatic operator I’ve ever seen. Just, adept. In nearly all settings. One doesn’t have to be an asshole, to be powerful. In fact the most self assured of us, don’t bother with such pettiness.

84JPG · 2025-02-17T05:05:35+00:00

Being an asshole doesn’t make you powerful, though.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-02-17T01:51:50+00:00

Once again, RP confirmation bias at work. Acting like a successful asshole attracts women who are damaged enough to be drawn in by an asshole. Normal, well adjusted women will steer clear and never be part of your PUA calculus in the first place. The funny part is that after deliberately only attracting these damaged women, you extrapolate this dysfunctional pattern to mean that all women are bad/crazy/ whatever the awalt of the days is and that all women are attracted to assholes.

Do you really not get that? Seriously?

Fantastic_Draft8417 · 2025-02-17T02:26:56+00:00

“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac” - Henry Kissinger. Not a role model in the slightest, but the guy knew a whole lot about power.

A woman’s attraction to men is based on subconscious evolutionary needs. Essentially who would have survived in the jungles 100,000 years ago, not who provides a good stable life today.

The “dangerous, aggressive bad boy” 100000 years ago was the ape who got all the fruits for his family, and could fight off predators and rival males and win. The “good, polite, friendly guy” today, would have been eliminated by natural selection. It’s not evil, it’s just what helped women survive for all of prehistory.

So yes, power IS the ultimate aphrodisiac. What’s hotter than a sense of humor or a nice face or a steady income, is a man who can step on and shout at others, or doesn’t take no for an answer nor shit from anyone.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-17T01:21:11+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-17T01:21:12+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-02-17T02:29:52+00:00

Yes, women are generally attracted to power in some form or another. But the extent to which they care, or the type of power that most attracts them, varies. Moreover, the overall attraction calculus/dynamic is complex. So it is the wrong conclusion to assume being an obvious asshole is the way to go.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-02-17T05:24:55+00:00

this is kind of a false dichotomy. there's plenty of room between being an asshole and a people pleasing doormat. lots of my friends are nice but they're definitely not pushovers. it's true that women respond more to assholes than to to stereotypical self-proclaimed 'nice guys' but men that are kind without putting others (especially women) on a pedestal, who don't let people walk all over them etc. do best with most mentally healthy people ime (whether it's for romantic relationships or male friendships).

if being nice is your whole personality and you don't have any boundaries etc., that's a different story. i believe the book no more mr. nice guy covers this but either way, there's no need to go into the other extreme, at least for people who aren't sociopaths. you can certainly be too nice but just being kind to other people in general does not make people look at you as beneath them.

YtBlue · 2025-02-17T06:00:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2025-02-17T06:50:36+00:00

I think there’s a false dichotomy between being nice and being successful with women. No, being nice on its own is not going to have the ladies chasing after you. Being fit, successful, funny, charismatic, and assertive will bring the ladies in; we can easily observe this.

However, if a man is fit, successful, funny, charismatic, and assertive, why would him treating others well detract from the aforementioned qualities?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-02-17T09:24:23+00:00

Patriarchy is not a product of women's choice but it's true asshole are promoted in some toxic areas. Trust me you're also rewarding this kind of environment if you stay in it. The best way is to leave sometimes

No-Mulberry7538 · 2025-02-17T12:17:50+00:00

You do not have to be a "bad boy". Being good and assertive, playful, flirty, and fun is what attracts others to you, you know, confident. Disordered people believe the bad boy stuff, and frankly, you will attract other disordered people being bad, or detached and aloof; water seeks its own level

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-02-17T13:21:17+00:00

I remember seeing this Instagram reel. It was of some male influencer or something that interviews young and attractive women on the street. He stops this really hot looking girl and asks her something to the tune of “What type of guys turn you off the most?”.

She thinks for a second and says “Nice guys!”

“What about a nice guy is unattractive?”

And she says: “I feel like if a guy has to be nice, it’s because he doesn’t get other girls. And that’s a turn off.”

And that’s really all there is to it. Niceness is not a quality, it’s a symptom. It’s a symptom of a man being powerless and a man who don’t get bitches.

HmanTheChicken · 2025-02-17T15:52:56+00:00

This is probably true if your goal is casual sex. If you’re monogamous being a nice person is probably a better strategy.

That said, I think it’s really gynocentric to change your behaviour to get more women. This is the same as when women call a guy a virgin as an insult. It’s better to live a life that you’re proud of rather than continuing to try to be attractive to them.

mrbesito · 2025-02-17T22:00:27+00:00

In studies of what women want in a man, kindness and dependability are very high on the list, and being an asshole decreases men's chances with women. They want a guy that is bold, confident, etc, but that is very different than being an asshole.

Hefty-Lobster-5513 · 2025-02-17T23:46:13+00:00

The biggest thugs, criminals and gangsters are some of the most kind and sweetheart gentlemen around women.

Shissslacker · 2025-02-18T00:16:31+00:00

You’re mistaking being a doormat for being nice and having self respect/confidence for being an asshole.

-Kalos · 2025-02-18T01:17:03+00:00

Being an asshole isn’t a sign of confidence or power, it’s a sign of insecurity and mental issues

Sholnufff · 2025-02-18T08:00:13+00:00

A little monologue (I'll link it back to this topic)

I can be nice while getting the point across.

A perfect example is that at a job I was installed as the new general manager. I introduced myself to my team and just for a few weeks simply observed how the team operated and got things from the admin side organized and completed...

Sure enough, one of the employees no called no showed for 3 days in a row during the week of Thanksgiving and Black Friday... sent in his termination.

Another had excessive absences im talking almost a month's worth for various reasons...terminated him.

Another one did unethical things...he was gone

One is on final warning for his attitude. 1st time he went sideways on me, I wrote him up. The second time I sent him home and then issued a final warning. HR after review sided with me since I did the write up with appropriate fairness and with sound managerial discretion.

My team got the memo on how I operate because despite my polite attitude and saying sir to each of them, I'm not hesitate to utilize my authority to drive a point.

Relating this back to the sexual marketplace and the pills, a man can be nice to women and get her to become attached. He has to understand her and more importantly figure out what she wants and needs to then use it to create that attachment.

Some women are hypergamous...use their hypergamy against them.

Some women want their guy buff...hit the gym.

Some women are desperate for love...turn their desperation into your favor.

Some women want to be wooed...learn to be charismatic and talk game to women.

Once you establish and build up their interest...let it lead to the bedroom...give her a damn good performance and she'll start craving you like an addict.

You can do all this while being genuine and nice as well as an asshole. The biggest difference between the two people is that assholes know what women want and use it against them.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-02-18T09:10:07+00:00

I wonder why people always post about shit that just crossed their mind without ever doing some research first, to check if their ideas are complete trash or have some validity. To me, that is unattractive, weak, low status, to make a fool out of yourself publicly, by holding an opinion that could be disproven by a simple ChatGpt prompt.

Why be nice when power is what benefits a man?

That is not the issue. Be kind. But be powerful. Your problem is, that you think you can only be powerful by being a selfish/asshole/dominant fuckboy. You have never learned benevolent male power/status.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dual_strategies_theory

There is a distinction between women's preferences for men who have gained their high status through dominance, and men who have gained their high status through prestige. Women prefer dominant men for short-term sexual affairs, and prestigious men for long-term romantic relationships.^\19]) Dominant men display signs of possessing high-quality genes and thus potentially producing genetically healthy offspring, often resulting in women viewing them as being desirable for immediate sexual intercourse.^\19]) However, dominant men are often unreliable as stable long-term providers and romantic partners.^\19]) Prestigious men are reliable long-term providers and romantic partners, but often lack signs of possessing high-quality genes and are thus often less desirable for immediate sexual intercourse.^\19]) This represents a trade-off for women known as strategic pluralism, in which women must find an optimum between the dominance and prestige of high-status men.

Choose your mating strategy according to your genetic setup and your personality. Don't try to be a dominance based status guy, when that is not your personality. "just be an asshole" is neither possible nor does it lead to success. Also, going for high n count is not going to work, when you don't have the sociosexual orientation for it. And going for immediate sexual attraction doesn't work when you don't have the looks for it.

The important message is: get status, if that is somehow possible for you. it does not require to stem from being a dominant asshole.

Being a people pleasing niceguy is not about being nice, it's about your fear of negative judgment. Putting yourself last is not nice. It's a mental health issue.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-02-18T14:52:05+00:00

This might work if you're already attractive. No one likes an unattractive asshole.

resilient_survivor · 2025-02-18T21:36:32+00:00

I don’t what skewed and/or old study this is but you shouldn’t rely on it.

My ex was an AH and I dumped him for it. My boyfriend is amazing. No dominant or power vibe. It’s safety, comfort and support that I sensed from the beginning. That’s what I’ve been looking for all my life.

For context, I’m a feminist. I want a partnership, not to be “owned” by a man. I don’t give an eff if he’s powerful. I can do that by myself. I prioritize support and respect over so called power.

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2025-02-19T16:24:44+00:00

I actually only see asshole and fuckbois have the most problems with women than literally any other category of men.

Just cause they get can women easily doesn’t instantly make them relationship gurus lol.

I feel like this is what the incels fail to understand: they think being the asshole dude will give them lots of sex, burn they forget that with lots of sex from various women comes tons of headaches and interrelationship issues.

Be that nice guy and score a girl who likes you for you and you basically struck gold.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-02-17T15:48:29+00:00

Yes, yes; we’ve hear this a million times

Go be assholes within the confines of the law, fellas

I’m sure the pussy will rain down

Retroidhooman · 2025-02-17T02:23:32+00:00

It's not better or worse. Your moral character has zero bearing on how attractive you are and anyone who says otherwise is lying or naive.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-02-17T02:27:46+00:00

Men have way too hard of a time actually creating boundaries that they are willing to enforce, hence the nice guy/asshole dichotomy to the extreme.

I think some people I’m close with would call me an asshole, but not in the negative reputation kind of way. Just that I don’t tolerate much bullshit around me

ZoneLow6872 · 2025-02-17T02:59:20+00:00

My husband: 5'5", nerdy (classical musician), not rich, kind. We've been married 30 years.

LillthOfBabylon · 2025-02-17T01:40:45+00:00

Men seem to think Women have varied preferences

They do.

Guys here just want Stacy and pretend all women are Stacy to never confront their own hypergamy.

In most studies women prefer stronger looking men, taller, makes more money(by societal standards), intelligence and much more

So? And most men want a young hot female woth big tits and big ass. And? What’s the problem? A hurt ego?

The patriarchy and selfish men(assholes/fuckboys etc).

Translation: Its never men’s fault.

Although you can be nice to women and get them, it's much harder because people instantly think too nice=beneath them

No, its huy with sense of entitlement for showing human decency = beneath us.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-02-17T01:39:34+00:00

That’s enough internet for today mate. Put down your phone and go outside.

Useful_Parsnip_871 · 2025-02-17T02:37:21+00:00

Why do RP men like OP exist? Whenever they speak, it always makes my girly bits shrivel up for the sake of safety and self-preservation. 😳

Thin_Letterhead_9195 · 2025-02-17T04:26:36+00:00

Lmao. Ya u will only attract trad wives

SayuriKitsune · 2025-02-17T08:31:59+00:00

nice doesn't mean weak, hope this helps

Every time the "alpha" came to flirt with me with his ego and his asshole behavior , I laughed, put him and his ego to the ground and left. Its good because they filter themselves out so keep doing it, its good for the ones around you to be a walking red flag

flipsidetroll · 2025-02-17T08:58:17+00:00

It says everything about you that you believe that being nice is the same as being weak.

Want to know how you look weak? When you brag. Boast. Put other men down in your attempt to appear superior. I wish you guys could see how that behaviour is so cringey and drys panties. When Myron throws temper tantrums, and tries to get other guys to fight him, he is embarrassing himself. When redpillers call other men simps, when they simp for each other, they look like bullies.

When I see redpill content creators boasting about how many women they’ve banged, I’m instantly shown how weak they are, because that’s what they think shows their worth. When they brag about wealth, I think they’re lying. People who are wealthy don’t need to brag about it. It will be obvious somewhere. I don’t think there is a single attractive redpill content creator. So I’m not sure how you think your 3 6s will convince me. All you want is power over other men. That is obvious. But your method just makes you look like you are trying too hard to convince others. Unfortunately, you already made yourselves victims of women. Feminism has defeated you, according to you. You admit men are stronger than women yet somehow we’ve managed to manipulate and control you for eons apparently. So are you powerful if you never knew it was happening? Or is your entire belief system a mass of contradictions?

YourFavIncel · 2025-02-17T01:52:58+00:00

Meh. Height doesn't mean that the dude has power...unless he actually wants to use it in his favor. I've talked to a couple of men over 6ft who were soft spoken wimps.

Of course weak behavior coming from men turns many women off. I myself despise weak men. But that also doesn't mean I want an asshole who treats me like complete shit.

The same could be said about many men being put off by a loud dominant woman. How many of you guys are actually attracted to a loud mouth dominant woman? I'm willing to bet very few of you are.

ThunderDU · 2025-02-17T07:15:18+00:00

Wait wait wait wait wait.

Power = being an asshole? Since when?! Can someone unpack the premise of this post?

EsotericRonin · 2025-02-17T04:34:52+00:00

Actually studies do correlate niceness with attractiveness I’m not sure who told you otherwise

monkeybeast55 · 2025-02-17T05:23:23+00:00

You don't have to be an asshole to have power. Especially you don't have to be an asshole to women. I don't understand young people's psychology.

Miss_Acassia-9374 · 2025-02-17T04:05:40+00:00

Ohhhh wow, this is just awful. This couldn't be less correct. It sounds like somebody has been "hurt" one too many times and is now bitter. I don't know about other women but asshole, power men are a massive turn off and in my opinion can suck an ugly dick. I love a sweet, nice guy with great hair who also knows how to give it to me good!

Power makes men sexually attractive:Better to be an asshole than nice

Comments

Power Effect in Attraction

Distilled Summary: Power Effect in Attraction (Clarified Evidence Scope)

Bad Boy vs. Good Boy Paradigm

Bad Boy Traits in Social Power and Social Capital

Social Power Through Bad Boy Traits:

Social Capital Through Bad Boy Traits:

How Social Power and Social Capital Intersect:

Social Power vs. Bad Boy Traits in Attractiveness

Social Power and Social Capital: Key Concepts

📌 Social Power

📌 Social Capital

💡 Connection Between Social Power and Social Capital:

Machiavelli on Power: Bad Boy vs. Non-Bad Boy Traits

Title	Power makes men sexually attractive:Better to be an asshole than nice
Author	YtBlue
Upvotes	65
Comments	299
Date	February 17, 2025 1:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ir8480/power_makes_men_sexually_attractivebetter_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/power-makes-men-sexually-attractivebetter-to-be-an.1544104 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544104