What is the point of dating or getting into a committed relationship with men?

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-07-28T00:17:51+00:00

My advice for all these types of posts is simple, don't do it. If you have to get on the internet and get opinions on why you should or shouldn't do something, you don't really want to do it. So what's the point in trying to come up with convincing arguments? Just don't date men then.

grillopie · 2025-07-28T00:21:03+00:00

A. i dont think novelty is as important as you make it out to be. even men who follow thirst traps probably stick to a few.

B. everyone settles for something. you couldnt possibly hold out for perfection. there are only so many single people around you. the only question is whether you think theyre happy having found you.

C. everyone has their own reasons for being married or in a relationship. the shallowest and earliest reason is usually possessiveness. if i like someone, i want a nice chunk of their time and i dont want them to have sex with other people. you probably shouldnt go into every relationship thinking itll be happily ever after; thats an unrealistic expectation.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-07-28T00:04:23+00:00

Stop preoccupying yourself with what your man might be thinking about and the problems go away.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-07-28T00:55:14+00:00

You are asking the wrong side here. When women figure this one out please let us guys know!

Only women can answer "what is the point in dating men" because it is women who are dating men, not men. Women are the ones who must see a point or a purpose in dating us otherwise they wouldn't do so.

So, again, when you figure it out please let us know because I have no freaking clue why my girlfriend is interested in me for a long term relationship apart from just being physically attracted to me and maybe emotionally attracted somehow. I honestly have no idea how women's attraction works so I genuinely have no damned clue why she is into me. I just know that she is.

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

Because if literally being unconscious gets us an erection (morning wood) then it shouldn't concern you that a random woman's ass jiggling by will get the same type of lizard-brained attention. When men tell you our sexual feelings are meaningless it's because they are. That jolt of lust we feel for every sexy woman we ever see is just a bodily function no more dignified or worthy of deep analysis than a fart or a belch. It's just some shit our body does, a sudden surge of hormones that go away as quickly as they came. Again, when we tell you that glance at some random woman on the street is meaningless it's because it is! I may as well have just sneezed in her direction for all that it's worth.

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty, why would you care about being in a relationship or getting married?

Because pining is not the same as having and you cannot dictate away millennia of hard wired sexual evolution in men. Telling men to not look at other women it is just as useless as telling women to stop feeling emotions because we men find them distasteful.

the_1st_inductionist · 2025-07-28T00:22:05+00:00

What is the point of dating or getting into a committed relationship with men?

A great lover is great.

It seems like all men are just settling for what they can get at the moment.

Nope.

Men consistently tell their woman not to be insecure about porn, thirst traps on social media, exes and other women they’re friends with.

What percentage of men?

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

I don’t know.

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty

I’m not.

CerealExprmntz · 2025-07-28T06:19:09+00:00

Stop dating men then.

treadmarks · 2025-07-28T01:09:45+00:00

Something I've realized as I've gotten older is that I have a type and that type is going to beat every other woman. It's not an uncommon type, there are many others like her (but this one is mine, insert Full Metal Jacket clip), but it would be pointless and redundant for me to go after women of the same type because they are so similar. Like I've already got one, why do I need another?

This all assumes the woman is being the best version of herself. If you're letting yourself go and not taking care of your health, yeah you should worry.

Ego73 · 2025-07-28T00:03:54+00:00

I can't tell you why you should date men; if I were gay/bi I'd probably give you a good answer.

If you can't find a good reason yourself it's probably best to not be dating men. I know I wouldn't want to date someone who'll be insecure about every aspect of my behaviour. Men and women are quite similar in that regard; I really get it when women complain about penis size posts here because they only reveal there's a problem much bigger than penis size. You are no different.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-07-28T01:23:50+00:00

You're asking a rhetorical question.

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty, why would you care about being in a relationship or getting married?

Not the same men.

The top 20% that women actually desire are indeed quickly developing a Peter Pan complex en masse, because we either flash green or pecs or both and you shower us with assorted pussy. The other 80% take what they can get lol. It's not like any of you ever gave the smallest of fucks about them in the first place.

OMWSpuds · 2025-07-28T03:10:20+00:00

Why do you believe most men are settling for what they can get?

From the inference that they struggle to get anyone better, do you think it's bc they are lazy and hold themselves to low standards, or is it something else?

jazzmaster1992 · 2025-07-28T00:40:29+00:00

You said not to point out that men are not a monolith, but I think that's your issue. You're presumably not looking for a relationship with men (plural), you just want a man (singular). In that case, vet strongly, take no shit and don't accept qualities you don't want. It could mean being single for a long time, but that's better than being with someone that's not a good fit for you. Many people have to go on a lot of dates and meet a lot of people before they find someone for them, and while I can't guarantee it'll be easy, if you want commitment - which again, I assume you do based on your frustration - then you owe it to yourself to try to find that man.

Sephir-7 · 2025-07-28T10:07:58+00:00

It's okay to have standards, you have every right not to date "Men that tell their woman not to be insecure about porn, thirst traps on social media, exes and other women they’re friends with".

If i was dating someone that preferred thirst traps on the internet than me I would 100% be insecure. I would expect my partner not to abuse those things, and I think many men would understand a partner feeling the same way. Not every men but nobody ever said that every men should be compatible to your standards.

James_M_Croft · 2025-07-28T14:20:36+00:00

What is the point of dating or getting into a committed relationship with men?

Many reasons. But I would assume it is mostly the comfort and the ease of life.

It is a pain to be around a gf or wife? Sure, but many men consider a worse pain to go in the casual market for sex, so they remain with their gfs and wives, and even if they are rather rare, unicorns, women who are a net positive in your life, do exist. Many out there are looking for this mythical woman who adds to your life, instead of taking, many just also fail at that.

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

Because they should be insecure, it is just unreasonable to think you can or should be fully secure all the time. That is not how the world works, eventually things will seem down or be down. You either live in a lie or in a bubble if you think you can go through life without insecurities. Its alright to be insecure sometimes, just don't get it to take it and other emotions take full control of you. A guy may like or even prefer a younger or prettier woman. But unless he goes out of his way to be with her, there is no actual issue is there?

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty, why would you care about being in a relationship or getting married?

Because as I said, it is a pain in the ass to deal with one woman already, what makes you think dealing with 20 on a daily basis is any better?

Also, Men can control themselves, men can be reasonable and choose based on other things that are not just basic instincts like reason and conjecture. We just (usually) grow above basic instincts and consider them on a scale as to achieve the most happiness. We are reasonable beings. (Not entirely rational true, but reasonable, you don't see women being SAed left and right on your day to day do you?).

If a woman can make a relationship worthwhile, it can turn men into good husbands and boyfriends who will be faithful and loving. Yeah they may admire some younger or prettier woman, but they can be the best thing in your life. CAN not MUST, this is a gamble as always when dealing with people and if you want assurances, then again, thats not how the world works.

The thing is, relationships require two to work, the current world where men are the only ones to do and be responsible for everything is not the best to have relationships in. So men like me just choose not to engage in them.

PrecisionHat · 2025-07-28T16:20:34+00:00

After reading your comments and replies, I'm not sure there is a point for you.

Zabadoodude · 2025-07-28T03:29:11+00:00

Men don't stop having eyes when we get in a relationship. Yes, most of us will still find other women attractive. It's not a deep emotional connection, though. Some women want an emotional and sexual connection with a man she's attracted to that genuinely cares for her, and they don't really care that he might rub one out to porn every once in a while. If you're not ok with that, you can find a man that doesn't watch porn, though those are less common

Regarding men just settling for what they can get: the men women tend to want to get in to relationships usually have options. He's not in a relationship with you because no one else will take him, he's in a relationship with you because he wants to be with you.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-07-28T08:12:06+00:00

Yeah I have learned this difference between men and women. For a man, lust and romantic feelings are completly separated things (can be as disconnected as hunger and sadness). While for women romantic feelings are greatly corelated to sexual desir

I am not saying it's right, but for most men, watching porn could be seen as eating to another restaurant from time to time instead of eating at home. This is this kind of "novelty". But a man should also take into account the feelings of the woman he is with. That's why some men find committed relationships to be really restrictive. There is a reason a lot of infidelity happend in the gay community

experienta · 2025-07-28T10:17:37+00:00

Rather than having us explain why it shouldn't make you insecure, maybe you should explain why it would make you insecure in the first place..? Like I don't know, if my partner says "daym brad pitt is so hot" when watching a movie I don't lose my mind over it, because.. yeah I can see that lol

wtknight · 2025-07-28T11:17:16+00:00

Most men in committed relationships who like their partners aren’t pining away for other women. They just like to look. One can live in a house that one enjoys or drive a great car and still enjoy looking at other houses and cars despite being satisfied with the one that one already has.

Better_Librarian_494 · 2025-07-28T00:24:15+00:00

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

Because they're not entertaining actual women. Nobody has an affair with porn.

Exes are another thing, and no man tells women that they're insecure about an ex being around unless they are playing defense. It's women who have their exes around and try to make it not a big deal.

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty

I'm pining for peace and quiet.

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miami2881 · 2025-07-28T00:10:31+00:00

What does “men are not a monolith” mean?

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-07-28T01:10:10+00:00

To get your bills paid...because modern women think that's all men are good for.

meisterkraus · 2025-07-28T01:28:38+00:00

If you can Post your ass on socials while in a relationship your male partner can look at ass on socials.

I always find it weird how men being insecure in a relationship is his fault. A woman being insecure in a relationship is the man's fault.

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-07-28T02:09:56+00:00

Love and companionship?

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-28T05:24:56+00:00

Well women are not stupid to just go into a random ltr. There is already a reason why they are doing it, its either when she got pumped girl summer when she was young and after she hits 28,29,30 she looks for a beta male to provide for her, OR if she was already invested in one guy and then she chooses to commit to him, regardless what age she was.

But yeah, women tend to date and commit to what benefits them right at that time. Which can be many many things.

torytho · 2025-07-30T00:05:14+00:00

If you're succumbing to insecurities that have nothing to do with you then the problem isn't your partner.

SadCahita · 2025-07-30T01:49:27+00:00

Eventually marrying and having children if that's your desire.

SexCrispies · 2025-07-30T15:20:06+00:00

It seems like all men are just settling for what they can get at the moment.

Everyone settles for what they can get at the moment. That is the nature of human mating. It's impossible to get something better than what you can get at the moment. Wanting the to be the best your partner can IMAGINE, screams insecurity. You are insecure, low self-esteem.

Men consistently tell their woman not to be insecure about porn, thirst traps on social media, exes and other women they’re friends with.

Exactly. Don't be insecure. You are insecure, low self-esteem.

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

Because they do not make confident and high self-esteem women insecure. They are secure in their view of their value to their partner and are securely attached in their relationship. They do not feel threatened by these actions and they do not make big drama about it. That is what men want and that is what they get from women who are not insecure, low self-esteem, like you.

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty, why would you care about being in a relationship or getting married?

Because being emotionally bonded to our partner, committed to her, loving her, does not remove our lust for other women and our desire to experience sexual novelty. This is mediated by sociosexual orientation, libido, culture, etc. We want both, and the common deal is to be committed to a relationship partner, but to have fantasies, use porn, like thirsttraps, etc. to deal with the other desire.

Others have open relationships or various other arrangements and rules to deal with that. That requires even more self-esteem and confidence, security in the relationship.

On the other end, you have relationships with people who are sociosexually restricted, and who are insecure themselves. They tend to have relationships where both agree on the rules about showing interest in other people and are very restrictive. They are so fearful of their partner leaving them for someone else if they just look too closely at other people, that they agree to also be super restricted.

Pick a relationship type and partner that suits you. In your case, that would be another super insecure guy who is sociosexually restricte (doesn't want to have sex with others outside a committed relationship).

Jephta · 2025-08-01T07:31:32+00:00

If you’re always pining for other women and novelty, why would you care about being in a relationship or getting married?

We really don't by nature, honestly. Look at how the men without constraint live - famous rock musicians or Saudi royalty who don't have to answer to politics. Most men want to live like the guy all the women on dating apps swipe right on. Maybe get married at like 50 or something? But until then, no way. It's just that somewhere along the line we get so beaten down that it's like "Okay! One! I'll settle for one! As long as she's good, that's good enough!"

It seems like all men are just settling for what they can get at the moment.

What's the alternative? Friend of mine is obsessed with Shinonome Umi. He straight up had the conversation with his wife of "Honey, I love you, but if I ever get the chance with her I need you to understand that I'm going to take it". She's just like "Okay, dear". She knows he has no chance with a literal swimsuit model. So where's the insecurity come from?

Rich-Efficiency3394 · 2025-07-28T00:42:45+00:00

Why are you asking us? Most of us don't see men as options for dating.

DGenerationMC · 2025-07-28T04:31:32+00:00

You like, trust and are compatible with at least one of them.

Mindblowing, right?

DietTyrone · 2025-07-28T05:49:32+00:00

If you can't think of reasons on your own of why YOU see value in a relationship, then maybe just don't have relationships then? Nobody is forcing you to date men if you don't want to. Why have you been dating men up till now if you never saw a point in it?

crujones33 · 2025-07-28T07:00:38+00:00

Why do men (spare me the “men are not a monolith” rhetoric. I’m speaking in generalities) think these actions wouldn’t make the woman they’re with insecure?

I disagree that your generalities are true. I do not think most men do these. They are not present in any of the my past relationships nor the ones around me. I think you just had some bad apples and have extrapolated that to all men.

LoopyPro · 2025-07-28T00:05:53+00:00

The point is stability.

Since there is another person involved, you'll have to take their wants and needs into consideration to sustain the relationship. Taking care of those wants needs will keep him focused on you instead of other women.

As long as he comes home to eat, it doesn't matter where he gets hungry.

Title	What is the point of dating or getting into a committed relationship with men?
Author	ladybird_00
Upvotes	3
Comments	176
Date	July 27, 2025 11:56 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mb1fz1/what_is_the_point_of_dating_or_getting_into_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-point-of-dating-or-getting-into-a.1558283 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558283

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