Would you marry a woman who would not take your last name?

By-George- · 2026-01-21T15:38:32+00:00

I certainly would marry a woman who would not take my last name, and did exactly that, 26 years and 8 months ago, when I married my Italian wife.

As to why, it is and was the practice in her home country, and she wanted to follow that practice. Plus, with her being a woman who identified as a Feminist at the time, while she had also previously been a Feminist activist and organiser. Keeping her name was something that was important to her. While I didn’t care either way, on what she chose.

That shared, our children (who are now adults) all have my surname, which my wife was and is still fine with today.

Kapoue · 2026-01-21T15:16:11+00:00

It's illegal for the woman (or man) to take their spouse's last name in my part of Canada.

If a woman took her husband's name in her country upon marriage, she needs to take back her maiden name back to immigrate here.

krackedy · 2026-01-21T15:08:45+00:00

Women don't change their last name when they get married in my part of Canada. It's just not a thing.

My wife and I have different last names. One of our kids has mine and one has hers.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-01-21T15:05:47+00:00

Yeah, I really didn’t care. It was much more of a bigger deal to my wife than me. She wanted to change her last name so, cool

hosukai- · 2026-01-21T15:05:38+00:00

This pretty much exists only in the US and few other countries

FunkGetsStrongerPt1 · 2026-01-22T04:56:09+00:00

Here in Australia it’s most common for the wife to take the husband’s last name. Not doing so - or having hyphenated names for the kids - is generally considered pretty low income. It’s indicative of people who have kids without getting married, which is what people will assume you are unless you correct them.

I personally wouldn’t do it.

wtknight · 2026-01-21T15:23:27+00:00

I don’t care. In my wife’s culture the woman keeps her maiden last name and takes her husband’s name both, like Hillary Rodham Clinton often does. If she didn’t want to take my name at all then I would be fine, but people from her own culture would assume that she is unmarried then because she would still be using both her father’s and mother’s surnames.

RidingRedHare · 2026-01-21T16:10:37+00:00

My wife does not have my last name. I wanted it this way, because she had earlier changed her first name, and I felt it might at some point become too cumbersome for her to proof her identity.

TheEdwardWills · 2026-01-22T06:39:41+00:00

No that is a tradition I believe in quite a bit, so that would not work.

growframe · 2026-01-21T16:48:06+00:00

I wouldn't marry any woman

CybernewtonDS · 2026-01-21T19:24:48+00:00

I'll be honest and prefer that she keeps her last name. The practice of stripping surnames upon marriage creeps me out as a dude.

fucksiclepizza · 2026-01-21T19:54:06+00:00

Yes, its her name, her decision. My name isnt any more important than hers.

ThyDoctor · 2026-01-21T22:43:25+00:00

My wife and I are married and she’s never changed her name. I kinda forgot about it and I just don’t care.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-01-21T23:02:31+00:00

why would you not

she's her own person

I think it should be the default that both keep their names and if they want to change them in whatever way, they can then hop on through all that paperwork

but the name change paperwork is such a pain in the ass by itself

InterestingGoose5507 · 2026-01-22T11:04:12+00:00

Considering she’s the one that likely wants marriage, I would pretty much insist in it unless she had a really good last name.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-01-23T06:30:20+00:00

No. Because I am already against marriage as it is. Giving me any excuse at all to not marry is not going to persuade me into it.

Unless it's with a hispanic woman, they kinda take on both names. So any kinds we have will have both of our last names.

OwnerSebi · 2026-01-23T16:58:37+00:00

Yes. I don't really care about such things. If she doesn't want my last name, then we can each keep our own. If her own matters a lot, then I wouldn't mind changing mine.

PattayaVagabond · 2026-01-27T20:33:47+00:00

I dont like my last name I would rather take theirs!

Dissentient · 2026-01-21T16:43:21+00:00

I think my last name is kinda mid and I wouldn't want to subject another person to having it.

Aside from that, I can't imagine caring about something I didn't choose in the first place.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2026-01-21T20:08:36+00:00

This is a very Anglocentric question. [EDIT: I had not seen OP's reminder when I made this comment]

I'm an American who moved to Mexico and married a Mexican woman. In Mexico, women don't change their last names when they get married. It used to be common for them to at least socially add "de [husband's first surname]," but I doubt there are any women today who followed this custom and are under 80.

In Mexico (and nearly all of the Spanish-speaking world), everyone has a paternal surname and a maternal one. To illustrate this with an example, the child of Juan García López and María Santos Domínguez would have the surnames García Santos. At least in Mexico City, it's now possible to reverse the order (e.g., Santos García), although I think any subsequent children born to the same parents have to follow the same order as the eldest sibling so that family relations are clear.

This setup created a lot of trouble for me, since I have a very long hyphenated last name (thank you feminist mom), and because of the hyphen, the civil registry clerks refused to treat my surname as two surnames and insisted that I had to give my whole last name to my son plus my wife's paternal surname. We compromised the situation by giving him no middle name and a very short first name.

Additional-Case4392 · 2026-01-21T16:13:31+00:00

IgorXY · 2026-01-21T15:00:43+00:00

Don't really care about wife, but would prefer my kids to have my last name.

Melohdy · 2026-01-21T16:44:05+00:00

Depends on the reason. If she starts spouting off about the patriarchy, I'm out of there. She's toxic.

Terrible_Mixture_759 · 2026-01-21T16:56:49+00:00

Already did that

Trancetastic16 · 2026-01-21T23:33:14+00:00

I don’t believe in marriage, but if I did, yes, I’d be fine with her not taking my last name, and also would not want to change my own.

I do find it uncomfortable how strongly some western cultures encourage women to feel as if they “have to” give-up their name for marriage.

society000 · 2026-01-22T00:37:56+00:00

Only if it's cooler than mine. I like that both my names are two syllables.

Debetrius180 · 2026-01-22T16:48:24+00:00

I wouldn’t care, i personally would never take anyone else’s last name.

abaxeron · 2026-01-23T12:33:07+00:00

Yes.

And why??

Less paperwork. Also "change last name" thing was not transfer of ownership from father to groom, but of privilege from husband to wife. Pussana(,daughter of black)Smith upon marriage with Duke of Bullshire became Lady Pussania, Duchess of Bullshire. None of my ancestors were nobles.

DGenerationMC · 2026-01-24T17:06:36+00:00

If she has a cooler last name than me, yes.

Which is a pretty low bar, mind you.

bison5595 · 2026-01-21T19:45:22+00:00

Nah, I would just believe she doesn't respect me. Just to be clear, I dont believe should have to take the man's last name. I'm just not dealing with that.

StopTheIncels · 2026-01-21T17:01:14+00:00

Only if there weren't kids.

I think it's ridiculous when kids have like 3 hyphenated names plus a middle name (at least in America). No, the kids EITHER take the Father's OR the Mother's, and as a family unit you should all share the same surname.

Kreeps_United · 2026-01-22T09:11:19+00:00

Sure because I don't care.

James_M_Croft · 2026-01-24T18:50:00+00:00

I wouldn't. Personally.

I consider it a sign that this person has no interest in being a wife, she just wants a wedding. If she can't do this one thing? She shown her true colors, and is fine on being discarded.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2026-01-21T18:24:41+00:00

I wouldn’t but to each his own. My expectations are different than others .

MistaCreepz · 2026-01-21T18:56:42+00:00

I wouldn't

It would just be a fundamental mismatch in values, and in my culture its normal for the wife to take her husbands last name

alexoid182 · 2026-01-21T15:43:40+00:00

Probably not, would depend on the reason, and id want our kids to have my name.

DietTyrone · 2026-01-21T15:11:19+00:00

Nope. Unless she has a really good reason for it, I don't see why a woman who supposedly loves me and wants to be a family with me wouldn't want my name. Chances are she wouldn't mind my kids having my name, but my life partner and mother of my kids doesn't want it? Then don't marry me then. Problem solved.

TKD1989 · 2026-01-21T18:36:02+00:00

Depends on the reason. If it's "taking the last name is patriarchy," then no. I'm not marrying one of those feminists.

AutoModerator · 2026-01-21T08:08:34+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Zabadoodude · 2026-01-21T16:30:49+00:00

I wouldn't really care. Where I live both are common enough that they wouldnt raise and eyebrow.

My girlfriend's career is tied to her name so changing it would not make sense for us. I would actually advise against changing it if we were getting married.

Capital-Donkey-2576 · 2026-01-21T15:00:52+00:00

If she was very attractive and I didn't think I could do better, then I would bend a lot of rules for her.

ranorando · 2026-01-21T14:53:22+00:00

No.

If I’m going to be expected by my partner and society to take on the sacrifices and responsibilities of patriarchy, then I want the benefits from it. Including taking my last name

RaidenTheBlue · 2026-01-21T14:55:51+00:00

No. Every woman I’ve met who wouldn’t take the name are the type to be extremely independent, hedge bets, and have a “one foot in, one foot out” avoidant attachment style.

Not the kind of person I want in my life going forward

Title	Would you marry a woman who would not take your last name?
Author	No-Association-9316
Upvotes	13
Comments	211
Date	January 21, 2026 8:08 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qis5nl/would_you_marry_a_woman_who_would_not_take_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-marry-a-woman-who-would-not-take-your.1571669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571669

Comments