Men should not be seeking dating advice from women

DMmeClownPics · 2026-06-18T22:41:44+00:00

The brutal reality that a lot of people just don’t want to hear or accept is that sometimes it can take a long time to find someone who is right for you. Especially if you’re different in ways that the majority of people are put off by. This has been my experience too. I can certainly sympathize. It’s nobody’s fault. That’s just how it is.

Which-Inspector1409 · 2026-06-18T21:00:08+00:00

Don't ask women what they want. Just observe behavior. Therein lies the truth. If you open your eyes to it its simple and more or less universal. The variance is close to non-existent.

AngeAware · 2026-06-18T18:05:26+00:00

Looking at the advice given on dating app subs and the number of people who apparently think it's a good idea to ask the strangers on the internet what's wrong with their profile I don't think the problem is just "men asking women." Lots of people give terrible advice period for a plethora of reasons and you shouldn't trust just any random person's advice regardless of what's between their legs.

I've noticed a trend with especially dudes telling OP he shouldn't change XYZ thing about himself because they think OP looks cool (no homo) and he shouldn't "have" to change his profile for anybody. What the fuck kind of advice is that?

I am eternally grateful my own SO didn't go to Reddit for advice because what a trusted female friend told him, and resulted in us meeting, is the kind of thing that would start an absolute shit show in any Reddit comment section with both men and women advocating against it for various reasons.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-06-18T18:05:01+00:00

This is one of those debates where men accidentally prove the criticism.

Nobody is saying women have perfect insight into male loneliness. Women obviously don't know what it's feels like to be an average man trying to date. That's fair.

The problem is that a lot of men don't actually ask women for women's experiences. They ask women a question, get an answer, then immediately replace that answer with their own theory.

"What do women find attractive?"

Women: "Confidence, compatibility, humor, shared values, emotional intelligence, physical attraction, and a hundred other factors."

Men: "No, you actually only care about height."

At that point why ask women at all? You've already decided the answer.

It's the ultimate form of mansplaining: asking women what women think, then explaining to women that they're wrong about their own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and experiences.

If you think women are incapable of accurately describing what they want, then stop asking them. If you think they can accurately describe what they want, then maybe listen when the answer doesn't match your ideology.

The most revealing thing about these conversations is that many of these men trust a male YouTuber's theory about women more than actual women talking about themselves.

cb8585b · 2026-06-18T18:58:08+00:00

Men : https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/UbycoVMkN6

-mixedsignals · 2026-06-18T17:58:07+00:00

Then don't

This sub is 80% question for women though

If you don't care what women have to say, don't ask them anything. You can just not read the advice given. Literally nobody will bat an eye.

I don't seek dating advice from unselected men, it doesn't make sense to do so. I'd rather take advice from friends and family because they know me and because they are experienced. You are free to seek advice wherever you please.

The point of this post is making women angry, for some reason some ppd men get a kick out of that. You can literally ignore all advice from women without making an anouncement.

It's like me going on a diabetics sub and posting "I will never make a desert recipe from this sub!!"

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-06-18T18:12:14+00:00

I can’t help but notice that doing it your way isn’t netting a lot of dividends. In general, when I want something I don’t have, I look for advice from people who have what I want. I don’t look for advice from people with don’t have what I want and tell me that people who have what I want are wrong.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-18T17:58:56+00:00

When women say that kind of stuff, it's not in response to men seeking advice. It's in response to men saying that women should lower their standards, saying women are responsible for male loneliness, etc.

When men want to debate women about dating, that's not even seeking advice. It's... arguing. Why would women give advice in turn? On a place like PPD, the objective is to debate attraction and relationship dynamics, not to give advice.

Men should be seeking advice from whomever they want, and they need to be specific. Even back when "give feedback on my Tinder / Hinge profile" posts were popular on Reddit, people gave actionable advice because they could see and pinpoint specific areas of improvement. Some vague description of "I'm lonely and women don't like me" is not asking for advice.

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-06-18T18:01:09+00:00

agreed! think for yourself, it's pretty great!

pie-mart · 2026-06-18T18:22:32+00:00

Then don't. Follow the advice you read online by men and good luck

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-06-18T18:00:38+00:00

And yet you guys keep asking 🤷‍♀️

Or, more accurately, nagging, complaining, and then ignoring what we say or calling us liars

Toe2ToeBirdLaw · 2026-06-18T18:20:25+00:00

right because lonely sexless men are experts on what women want and how to get them.

YeaNobody · 2026-06-18T18:54:32+00:00

there isn't any advice for men....you either are ok with being single, angry and flailing into the wind, or already taken as you jump onto the bandwagon of laughter and ridicule of all the sweaty peasants (incel men) outside.

alotofironsinthefire · 2026-06-18T18:56:14+00:00

The idea that dating advice is one size fits all, is laughable.

Dating advice is like financial advice.

Outside of very generic advice,.no one is going to be able to really give you good advice on the internet without knowing you, personally and knowing what happens in your life.

And knowing what you want for your life.

Every time I see this complaint, it's because some people have this idea that it's one size fits all.

It is not and has never been that way.

So yes shockingly, a random woman on the internet is probably not going to give you good dating advice.

Just like a random person on the internet isn't going to give you good financial advice.

Outside a very generic advice.

In other words, your expectations for the internet are too high

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-06-18T20:04:27+00:00

The problem isn’t that men are asking women for dating advice. The problem is asking strangers for dating advice.

People who actually know you can tell you things random people on the internet can’t. Maybe you’re coming across as arrogant. Maybe you’re terrible at reading social cues. Maybe your standards are unrealistic. Maybe there’s something you’re doing that’s actively turning people off. Maybe the way you chew is off putting. Maybe your hygiene could use some help. Strangers have no way of knowing any of that.

And if you ask women for advice, stop treating every answer that differs from the last one as proof women are contradictory. I can’t tell you what my neighbour wants in a partner. I can only tell you what I want.
If one woman says she likes gregarious men and another says she likes quiet men, that’s not a contradiction. That’s two different people having different preferences.

Also, if your goal is to date women, deciding that women have nothing useful to say about what attracts them seems like an odd approach.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2026-06-18T18:28:35+00:00

If you're talking about this subreddit or other internet forums, I think the issue is that some men agenda-post towards women and get some vague platitudes in return (or a bunch of women ranting at them).

"Why can't you lust after average men?" isn't a good question. "What are some qualities/physical attributes you're personally attracted to in men?" might offer you better answers. Be specific, and you're more likely to get actionable advice.

And let's be honest... you should also consider advice from men who are successful daters. Men who appeal to [insert group of women here] are equally likely to give you actionable, non-sugarcoated tips for appealing to [insert group of women here].

If a certain piece of advice is mentioned by both men AND women, it's solid.

Pristine_Cost_3793 · 2026-06-18T18:25:11+00:00

you're the prime example of why men shouldn't be listening to other men, my guy.

it's not a game, you will not get a walkthrough, you have to learn to manage your emotions dealing with chaos and failures, both in dating and outside of it. the problem of the advice you're given is that you do not listen, you do not treat women like people. you treat them like a commodity that can be acquired through a certain route and you just want that route. the feelings that you cannot deal with in a healthy way exist outside of dating life too. you need to develop emotional intelligence and learn emotional regulation so that you can accept that "easy fix" does not and will never exist.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-06-18T21:15:52+00:00

The best thing about advice is that you're not required to take it

Otjahe · 2026-06-18T18:52:14+00:00

You’re talking as if a majority of men are incels.

I find women’s advice to be really good actually. I think it less has to do with the advice being bad, and more so about whoever is interpreting is having trouble understanding it

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Siukslinis_acc · 2026-06-18T18:57:59+00:00

All advice can be valuable. It does not mean that you have to do exactly what thw advice states. Take advice with a grain of salt and fiddle with it to fit your situation. Even refuting bad advice can help you to get a more concrete idea of what might be better.

Or the one I’ve been seeing recently “a girlfriend/wife isn’t going to solve your problems or make you happy”

I mean, this is correct if your problems are deeper than "i don't have a gf". If your problem is low self-esteem and self hatred - a gf won't help with it as you will dismiss her encouragments as you won't believe her.

chriszenpaok · 2026-06-18T21:14:19+00:00

Oh absolutely not, their advice is so so shit, men’s advice is also largely not good, just don’t listen to people, they don’t know shit and also face different circumstances to you

The1ndividual · 2026-06-19T01:07:13+00:00

no fucking shit

Comfortable_Fix_1601 · 2026-06-19T02:01:44+00:00

Hopefully no man is doing this in the current year

Hi-Road · 2026-06-19T17:19:43+00:00

you gotta ask women youre pretty close with (family, very close friends) not randoms or online videos. they actually care about you as a person

burneraccountguydude · 2026-06-21T06:02:54+00:00

I agree with your points. I seriously think women have evolutionary programming against empathizing with men outside their sons. Mostly because if women empathize with a man it could lead her to become involved in a man she doesn’t want or is unfit. Those who were unsympathetic to men and depended on men being 100% competent to reproduce with had a major advantage.

The only time a mom can sympathize with a man is her son because she is her direct lineage. Again it all comes back to evolution.

Basically women are trying to give advice to someone that is giving them the ick (or evolutionarily they think is trying to take advantage of them) so they become resistant cold hostile or disregard nuance.

It’s not even dating I stoped telling my literal phyc doc sister about my mental health because it get unsympathetic awnsers “work harder” “you need to push thru it” and “just go to therapy”. Uncompetent men are literally seen as a threat to women.

Smooth_Wasabi_4918 · 2026-06-22T08:10:50+00:00

I am nearing my 40s. I am middle-eastern mixed background, atheist and avarage/below avarage guy. They keep saying it is my personality, hygiene, that I should smile in my pictures but none of that works usually.

But already at a young age did I notice something was wrong. After we had parties with lots of single people around teenage years, the guys who were usually totally left alone were below 80% middle-eastern, indian, south-asians and people like philippine men. Some lighter-skinned asians and black people met someone, but I noticed that ALL the white guys were going home with a lady. Years later, I googled it and there has already been studies about race preferences in dating sites rofl...

It sucks being an avarage middle-eastern man. You either have to be a top 10% middle eastern man or a fat ugly bald short middle-eastern man to actually be in a relationship if you live in certain areas, how odd that sounds. The rest of us, people rarely want us. I have seen dating websites in a womans perspective. Alot of the single men in dating websites are men like middle-eastern well-fit athletic men and they get swiped away instantly and to make it worse, they look better than me.

I myself am a tall, muscular, middle-eastern man with a thin, sharp, more feminime face. I used to be fat and have unkept hair but even after hitting the gym and walking tenthousand steps a day, I still get 0 likes.

Alot of times when I pass women of certain races in the streets, she looks away fast to the side to avoid eye-contact. Not in the "shy" way but in the "I seriously get anxiety by looking at you and I look away to avoid you". My white, attractive friend just get eye-contacts...

I have a list of race of women and how they treat me, based in my life of experience (speaking of women that are normal-weight, athletic, like me):

Spanish/central-american women: I do not exist in their world. I get completely ignored by them. If I talk to them, I offend them. They show no empathy towards me and hate me.

Middle-eastern women: I do not exist in their world. I get completely ignored by them. They either seem to prefer the absolute top of middle-eastern men with masculine face and big beard or the absolute ugly short middle-eastern men. I am not sure why. But I have tried to flirt with them and it offends them.

White women: Oh boy where to start. Sometimes, in very rare cases, I get a ONS with them. But most of the time, not. They are the ones who usually likes me on dating websites. But when I like them back and match and write a friendly opener after looking at their profile, I get unmatched, ignored, get cold replies or they just argues back with me and end up with a white man IRL anyway. I remember a woman this year that unmatched me and when I met her holding hands with a white guy, she looked at me with a fake, mocking smile. Like she enjoyed unmatching me and then seeing a white ugly man get a shot with her. Even the more attractive middle-eastern men have problems with these women. Almost every single dating ends up with them getting ghosted or something and the woman just dating a white guy. They treat white men DIFFERENT than us. I have white friends. White people can be rude to them, make mistake, spend all their life savings, get too drunk or make bad jokes and they want them. If an immigrant male do ONE single mistake, they end it. Just a fair warning, just give up if youre avarage and not white, do not like them back on dating websites, it saves you alot of emotions.

Asian women: Most of my relationships and ONS has been with asian women oddly enough. Its usually been thai, chinese, russian, afghan and philippine women (with beautiful asian eyes) that have been interested in me. Everytime theres a party and people get drunk, asian women talk to me while tons of white men are pissed off at the background. I am not fetishizing them, I just guess they prefer tall, muscular, nerdy, feminime men. Too bad they are so FEW here. Asian women treat me like a human. They are friendly and chaty and get excited when I flirt with them. ❤️

South-asian women: Again, they are few but I do get alot of flirts from them. Not much experience but they always make eye-contact when I pass them at work, unlike white, spanish and middle-eastern women that get offended if I do so.

African-american and mulatto women: Again, very few. But they love me. They love my personality and fall in love in seconds lol.

So yeah, this is my life experience. Race and attraction matters. For some women, being non-white (especially middle-eastern, indian or south asian) offends their whole world. Being athletic and middle-eastern with a sharp or feminime face is unattractive to many women in Europe. My face is even worse as I am not hairy, and feminime with long eye-lashes. I offend them.

But, to other ethnicities, I am considered attractive. I have been in asian parties and I made every white male in the party jelly.

It sucks to see lonely men. It really sucks, I am not trying to brag or anything. All I want to say with this post is that womens advices are fake. Race and attraction is everything, that is my experience.

When a woman is attracted to you, they will LAUGH with you, they will LOOK at your eyes and they will SMILE at you. When a woman is not, they will show no emphaty to you and they are just after other things. I am almost 40, so even if this is a pill debate, noone will change my mind...

I am basically very lonely in Europe, but in other countries, I feel like what a top 10% scandinavian white male feels like here (they are not after money btw, I tell them that I am poor and can't bring them with me and they say that it is OK and they just want to talk with me). What an odd experience to be invisible in Europe but get so much flirts outside when I am traveling XD I have used Tinder and I usually do get like 1 like every 3 week. My scandinavian friend who is not athletic and who got a face tattoo gets like about 180 likes a week with white women being extremely flirty with him. Race matters. That is all.

throw-away6475 · 2026-06-23T18:19:50+00:00

What we have right here is an incell in sheep's clothing.

Alarming_Oil6530 · 2026-06-24T02:15:48+00:00

Men should be asking the woman they want to date what that woman wants, actually. Don’t ask another man what a woman wants, because he’s not going to know. And if he does know, it’s because he already asked her, because he wants her too. The “just be a decent person and you probably have a shot” is valid advice.

JollyBowler2510 · 2026-06-24T23:42:21+00:00

I think the base line is, men need to date men, they’d be happier, because if you’re trying to DATE WOMEN, then I suggest you learn how to treat women, but hey, who am I?

chobolicious88 · 2026-06-19T12:22:28+00:00

Ive found they often lie about this, to either preserve mens egos, or more often - since they dont like how they come across and what implications it has on them.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-06-18T18:42:26+00:00

Don’t take advice from the people that you want to fuck, take advice from the ones that want to fuck the women you want! There’s no reason they’d lie to you to get an advantage!

screw56 · 2026-06-18T18:53:05+00:00

Do men have any baseline understanding of women’s loneliness? Or do you think just because someone will have sex with you that means you can never be lonely

Why should women give two shit about men’s dating issues? When men as a whole don’t even care about their safety and well being?

Women are out here worried about their livelihood on most days and you are worried about getting a kiss.

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