Cross post from /r/Divorce
This will be long …. Hang on.
About 3 weeks ago wife dropped a bomb on me that she wants a divorce. For me it came out of the blue. We had disagreements like any married couple but nothing divorce worthy imo. I was stunned, in disbelief. She didn’t want to work on it and was very clear she just wants to separate and start the process. I begged and pleaded with no results. We have a nice house and two kids and I am the primary bread winner (she works part time). She was very adamant that she just wants to separate but supposedly would be open to potentially consider reconciliation. To me it seemed more like a nice thing to say rather than something she meant. She retained a lawyer and started to work on paperwork.
Fast forward a week and I find out she’s been cheating on me. I hired a PI and got enough info to prove it. Filed divorce papers based on adultery which in our state carries serious consequences like no alimony, basically guarantees 50-50 custody of the kids etc. i confronted her about it and it was toxic for a few days but then it normalized. Although she claims that she considered everything prior to making her decision, after talking to me and her friends she realized that maybe she hasn’t. Going at it alone has serious consequences for all of us but especially for her. Once she realized this, she said that she’d be open to work on things if I am willing but that it is up to me as I’d need to be able to forgive her to move forward (we’d need therapy and more).
I am caught in a bit of a no man’s land. I care for her and want our kids to have both parents around but don’t want to screw myself later since now I have the upper hand in the divorce proceedings. I will talk to my attorney to get his perspective but I am thinking that I’d ask her to sign up a postnup that’s give her the same deal later that she is getting now should we divorce. I see that as insurance to make sure she wants to reconcile in good faith but I’m not sure how she’d take it. What do you all think? Is that the right thing to do or would that blow up any chance of us working this out?
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