Ladies, how much should an engagement ring cost?

the--porcupine · 2021-10-06T13:13:33+00:00

Former pickme here. I used to think it didn't matter at all, love has no price 🤡 He proposed to me without a ring 🤡 It took him a year to get a ring 🤡 He spent 100 dollars on it. Silver and a fake diamond 🤡 He had a substantial amount of money saved during this time as well. We've been "engaged" 4 years. 🤡🤡🤡🤡 In the process of leaving due to years of abuse. Currently stuck in a lease with him. I learned my lesson.

A ring should be worth me giving you all the years of my youth and the rest of my life and well shit, that's priceless. Better pay the fuck up if you're going to ask me for something I'll never get back.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-06T11:00:09+00:00

I think the most important things is "what do you want". Some women might prefer a cheaper ring and for him to spend the $ on the luxurious honeymoon of her dreams. Some women might want a big diamond from Tiffany. Another might want him to mine the stone and craft it himself. The mark of a HVM is, he is listening and careful to get the ring the woman wants, whatever will make her happy. I've heard 3 months salary is a good guide for a man to spend on a ring.

LevellingUpTime · 2021-10-06T14:50:10+00:00

At least 5x more than his PC setup, or gaming collection, or whatever costly hobby he cherishes.

I've seen men give their women a $300 ring that won't last half a decade, while he's buying a $2,500 GPU

Last_Nerve42 · 2021-10-06T12:17:37+00:00

My ring is not a large stone but it is his family's treasured heirloom. So that to me showed a level of commitment similar to a large financial investment.

Get-in-the-llama · 2021-10-06T07:47:51+00:00

Enough to be an insurance plan, where you can sell it if he dips.

proudpine · 2021-10-06T13:19:40+00:00

I told my now-husband that if he wanted to propose, I'd like him to make sure it's a conflict-free diamond with a thin pave band. This way he still had some latitude to make choices about the ring, while making sure I'd like it too.

He proposed with a $20K ring with a Canadian diamond and a thin pave band (I know the price now from insurance documents). That was, at the time, about 3 months of his take-home pay. He did not take on debt to buy the ring.

It was important to me to see how much he'd invest, and whether or not he'd remember and honor my preferences, before saying yes to his marriage proposal. I personally feel this aspect is lost when a woman chooses her own ring (I am not criticizing women who do, but it's not for me). He pleasantly surprised me with his generosity!

Xenobia95 · 2021-10-06T08:44:58+00:00

You will be wearing this ring for a long time, it's something you will see everyday and it needs to be comfortable, beautiful and hopefully enduring like the feelings you have for each other, it should cost whatever can be afforded without breaking the bank.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-10-06T13:57:22+00:00

The ring should be suited to your tastes; he should either ask you directly or ask you close friends and family what you like, that’s also how he can find out if their an heirloom ring on your side you are partial to.

It needs to be expensive enough to be durable and something you want to wear often, but it’s okay to get a less expensive ring if you both want to invest more in a fun wedding/honeymoon, house down payment, education costs, etc. also (this is just me) the ring should be completely paid for, not on a payment plan. Lab created stones are a great way to get sparkle and be conflict free and cost efficient.

Personally, my ring was under $1000. We weren’t broke but we were both just starting in life and being married was more important than the ring costs. I also work with low income families and I believe it’s tacky to be wearing Uber expensive jewelry when working with my clients. He’s talking about upgrading the ring in a few years, which I’m fine with.

tuberosetears · 2021-10-06T09:30:07+00:00

When I thought my ex was going to marry me, his reaction to me telling him about the kind of ring I wanted was surprising to my terribly naive self.

After I informed him I wouldn't be having sex with him unless we were married, he asked me what kind of rings I liked. I told him I liked my dream ring (a cost of 5k~, so in the realm of quality rings honestly not that much) and nothing else.

Keep in mind that this man flaunted his supposed wealth any chance he got, saying that some expensive things other people bought were just "spare change" to him.

Well, he didn't like how expensive it was. He tried to ask me if I liked other stones instead of diamonds (I do, but not for an engagement ring) and pushed the idea of his "friend's" (I would later discover this to be a lie- it was the ring he gave his ex-wife) engagement ring which was another stone of lesser value fitted onto a used ring. I said I didn't want that because my dream ring was my dream for a reason.

I told him he could just buy me a costume ring from Wal-Mart if 5k was too expensive for him, because I loved him. I didn't want anything from Zales, Kay, or Jared's. This upset him because I flipped the script and was essentially saying it was ok if he was too broke to buy a ring that he should easily be able to afford.

He continued to talk about how expensive it was, and I continued to remind him that Wal-Mart was open 24/7. It was one of the VERY few things I stood up for myself on in that relationship.

sassyheather · 2021-10-06T08:18:12+00:00

I am not sure how much it should cost, but I am sure what I want in mine - lab diamond, platinum setting. The stone should be between 1 and 1.5 carats with certain degrees of clarity and color which bumps up the price. But it’s still a lab diamond so it’ll never be as expensive as an earth one, which is actually better for me! The dream ring for me could be anywhere between 3000€ and 4500€ depending on the retailer.

gabriey · 2021-10-06T08:42:22+00:00

I have talked to my partner about how I am not interested in a cheap ring. I want a ring that will last. That said, I don’t really know how much an engagement ring should cost. As long as the ring is something I would like and durable not a $50 ring from Walmart, I don’t really care much about the cost.

There was a post in relationship advice where a woman talked about how her partner got her a cheap ring when he proposed. She didn’t understand it because he had given her jewelry that had been worth more before. It turns out he got her that ring in hopes she’d break off the relationship.

After reading that story, I feel like engagement rings are more like gut feelings type thing.

When the posts on Facebook come up where someone is like “would you accept this $20 ring from Walmart?” And people are like you’re materialistic if you say no. It completely misses the point. The person I want to marry should know what I like and what I want. I don’t expect them to read my mind but I have actively told them what I want so if they got me the x ring in the photo I honestly would assume they either want to break up with me or have no idea what I want which is a bad scenario in both cases.

ConstantNurse · 2021-10-06T10:30:55+00:00

I recommend talking to your gf to see what she is interested. Each woman is different in what they want.

I personally don’t want to spend a ton on a ring and prefer something to the tune of making it ourselves.

However, other ladies may want something else.

nanilmt · 2021-10-06T13:14:47+00:00

I grew up very poor so the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a ring makes me very uncomfortable. The rings are beautiful for sure.. But so is saving that money for a down payment on a house, or feeding/clothing one’s children, or paying off debt.

itsmecarlybee · 2021-10-06T15:42:17+00:00

My husband spent around $4000 for mine and I love it! I’m not sure if I’d want anything much more expensive for fear of losing it, but my husband also mentioned adding stones for our anniversaries.

creamtart_ · 2021-10-06T08:12:40+00:00

I don’t think this has a one-size-fits-all response. To me personally, and within my culture as well, the ring is a huuuuge deal. It is a direct reflection of how much the man values the woman he wishes to spend his life with.

A ring is also an asset and investment. Any man worth his salt knows this. Gold and gemstones are a solid investment. Price depends on salary, but traditionally it’s 3/4 yearly salary. But really it’s what he’s willing to spend. I have a friend whose husband spent much much more. I have another friend whose husband upgraded it a few years later as an anniversary present because he earns a lot more than when they initially got together. It was very sweet, he stated she deserved a better ring. It’s also meant to be collateral for the woman if they divorce, i.e. she cashes it in to help look after herself.

I think it’s a very sweet opportunity for the man to demonstrate his love and how he values the woman. It’s also a creative opportunity to showcase how well he really knows her. There’s an engagement ring subreddit that’s full of men showing off how seriously they take the ring and proposal. Don’t believe the bs you read on Reddit and Twitter with pickmes being happy with an onion ring, and men not wanting to spend money. It is not reflective of how everyone views it. I love diamonds and gold. Lots of women and men do. It is okay to like nice things. If one person doesn’t, you are not compatible.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

Edit: just to add to my point, the cheap tightass perspective towards investing in a quality ring is a very western concept btw. Only ever heard complaints from Anglo-Saxon/US background. They do not speak for the rest of the world. In my experience, this cheapness doesn’t exist within Middle-Eastern and Asian cultures. We like gold a lot.

bestlife-2021 · 2021-10-06T16:10:26+00:00

My partner and I discussed our budget for a ring and I kinda threw out a number (which was more than my salary at that time - I worked in corporate.) And he told me, "I thought more." Then we went ring shopping together and I picked a shape. In the end, he proposed with a Tiffany diamond (emerald with halo setting) that cost around $14K :) Gorgeous!!! Sparkling so much and I can't stop looking at it!

daglowup · 2021-10-06T07:56:53+00:00

There’s no upper limit for me (within reason of course, no need to mortgage your house for one), but definitely a minimum price, which is ~5000 usd. I also want a lab diamond because I don’t want to be associated with the exploitation of workers.

hensbanex · 2021-10-06T12:25:40+00:00

my dream ring literally the one i’ve wanted since I started looking, is $2400. I don’t really know if I would want something more expensive due to the fear of being robbed/losing it but I would have the expectation that this isn’t the only jewelry he would ever purchase for me, so it being on the cheaper side isn’t a concern.

marimare21 · 2021-10-06T18:28:11+00:00

I'd want something max 3k BUT for that and every subsequent year I'd expect at the bare minimum my IRA and 401k maxed out. Just saying, jewelry depreciates, index funds appreciate.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-06T11:02:48+00:00

Also what is this "ring by spring" saying?

LonchuraStriata · 2021-10-06T08:26:24+00:00

I wouldn't state a set number (or something like X times his monthly income), but I see it as an investment and way to prove that the person is serious about a long time commitment and willing to invest effort, thought and assets into it.

The ring itself should match my taste (I would say no if the ring is obviously something I would never wear (e.g. I never wear yellow or rose gold jewellery and don't own a single piece that would match it. Therefore I would want white gold or platin for a ring)), be durable enough to last a lifetime without scratching or getting damaged (and that just comes at a cost) and be meaningful in some way. It can be a family heirloom that has been reworked or stone that has been reset or contain a symbol that is somehow meaningful to our relationship, but some thought needs to be behind it. My grandaunt's engagement ring contains a stylized oak leaf (my granduncle had it custom made for her) because they first saw each other under a beautiful oak tree and the tree kind of became meaningful for them. I think that's beautiful.

opheliainthedeep · 2021-10-06T13:43:16+00:00

I think it should cost a month or two salary's worth. If you can't afford to get me a nice ring, you clearly can't afford me

FadeToLife · 2021-10-06T12:55:11+00:00

My wife didn’t go by cost, we went out together after had the marriage discussion and tried on what we both liked. She picked it out when she was on her own and bought the most gorgeous rock of the bunch that she liked seeing on my finger. This is definitely an instance of “if she wanted to, she would” cuz she effin killed it

pitiful_cherry · 2021-10-06T12:31:12+00:00

I bought myself a 2.1 carat pepper and salt diamond ring. It was a good deal because it was second hand (no bad energy stuck to it, she had it made for her but then decided the stone was too big and got a different ring). This cost me €1600.

If I come in a situation where a man wants to buy me a ring it will have to be more special and more beautiful, so a big diamond and some added diamonds on the side would be great and it has to be worth more than the one I bought myself 💅🏻

Added: it also has to be ethically made of course. So vintage or second hand diamonds or lab grown are a must.

FI-REfox · 2021-10-06T21:38:36+00:00

The right ring costs exactly as much as the ring you have considered carefully and chosen. Like any other standard: your job is to figure out what is best for YOU and whether a man can meet that standard is his job.

If you've decided that a diamond of a certain size is the practical and aesthetically-pleasing choice for you, then this is the right ring for you. If he is a HVM but simply can't afford it with his income, you can choose to reconsider how "practical" your original selection was given the circumstances, and if he is able to make the difference up to you in other ways.

originallykoko · 2021-10-06T14:50:10+00:00

My guy friends and coworkers have told me an engagement ring should at minimum cost 3 months salary. Seems fair enough if the man is a HVM and high earner.

wavesandtea · 2021-10-06T09:46:32+00:00

For me, I feel like it shouldn’t be a “whatever” purchase for the guy. He should remember that he worked and saved a big chunk for it.

I had a friend in college who was in a long distance relationship with a childhood friend of hers who lived in a third world country. For her birthday he bought her a gold necklace that cost a 3 month salary for him to get her. He found someone to take it to her. I like that it cost him 3 months of work.

If he’s got 100K saved up, a 20k ring should be reasonable. If he’s doing okay but no major savings, make him cut corners in order to get it. If he is “getting buy”... don’t marry him 🤣

No-Instruction-5159 · 2021-10-06T11:00:03+00:00

For me it is less about the price and more about the thought. I want a guy who puts a lot of effort to give me something meaningful (like there was a guy in this sub that made his gf a ring with a diamond mined from her hometown.) I just absolutely love when men put a lot of thought into gifts

But I also have standards. I love gold and probably a lab diamond.

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-10-06T13:15:34+00:00

I can't imagine myself demanding the most expensive ring they can find (but some do and I love to see women demanding the world) But my partner would be earning a lot and if he was Leaning towards a cheap ring or even something on the lower end of average, I would rethink the entire marraige

I do think it's the kind of thing that depends on a range of factors and the only way to avoid disappointing someon is to speak about it. But I don't think any woman should be accepting cheapness from their partner when it comes to anything, so that they aren't going for the less costly rings should be a given.

ArchieSwenson · 2021-10-06T15:23:14+00:00

I think 2k is a good amount. I would rather he put the extra money into a house deposit (and not one that is 'only his', one that is acknowledged as having both of us on the deed and contributing equitably according to income, not 50/50).

I also wouldn't want diamonds as an engagement ring unless they could be ethically sourced, or any other jewelry that has been mined by slaves.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-06T16:06:05+00:00

I believe it’s personal preference on the woman’s part and his interest in listening to her that matter most. Ignore people who judge you on external standards. That’s a great way to end up with a rich abusive man.

youre_a_cat · 2021-10-06T17:45:31+00:00

In college when I was broke, I was convinced my future engagement ring would be $3000 at most. Currently the casual jewelry I wear is worth that much on a normal day. Now that my boyfriend and I both make money, price is not really the most important thing anymore—he said he would get me my favorite ring/stone, which we think will cost around $30-50k. For reference this is about 1-1.5 months salary for each of us. I would probably not go over this amount.

aineslis · 2021-10-06T10:55:15+00:00

When it comes to a stone, I’d say choosing something that’s 8.5-10 on Moh’s scale is the safest option. That leaves us with diamonds (10), corundum (sapphires and rubies) (9), alexandrite (8.5) and moissanite (9.25). I might have missed a few. Corundum stones should not scratch, they’re pretty hard stones (9 on Moh’s). Emerald on the other hand (pun intended) is not a hard stone (7.5) plus they’re pretty brittle and can break if experienced a stronger blow. I love emeralds but I prefer them in earrings or pendants. Same with opals. Diamond or coloured stone is a personal choice, in my opinion. I like coloured stones for example. Choosing a right metal is also important.

All things included, the least a good quality engagement ring should cost would be around €2000.

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-10-06T15:39:03+00:00

Quality first, price second. I (F, butch lesbian) will probably be the one proposing and I don't care what it costs as long as I know it's my fiancees style, she's proud to wear it, and it's not going to snap in half (should have sturdy band, prongs, and a well set stone).

thelonelyempresss · 2021-10-06T11:28:31+00:00

My first marriage it was platinum but 1/2 carat (I think? I just know it was smaller so maybe less? ) he spent about 2k on it and it was very sturdy just smaller.

In the future should I entertain marriage again, I'm not sure what I'd like. I know platinum again but I always struggled to picture the perfect ring? I just want max effort towards it.

boring_sciencer · 2021-10-06T14:39:56+00:00

I was uncomfortable when I found out my ring was over 1k$. We are environmentalists, so we don't make much money. It's more important that we have quality lifestyle than fancy shit.

He did find one that suited me though. Recycled gold, with lab-made stones, no diamonds.

I don't wear my engagement ring everyday, it'd be too impractical. It's really just for special occasions. We had our wedding rings custom made as mobious rings. Although he wears silicone rings for daily use since he works with heavy machinery.

miaumiaoumicheese · 2021-10-06T14:59:58+00:00

I got custom made rose gold ring with morganite and diamonds for which my fiancé drived many hours to another city to check which size to order for my actually petite fingers, not usd currency here so I can’t compare how much it would be but it was expensive comparing to standard engagement rings prices here and two months after engagement i left it in bathroom to wash myself and our cat pushed it to bathroom sink with his evil paws and we tried to find it there but it was already gone and I was really sad and my fiancé ordered another one exactly the same as the original one

So now I’m glad it wasn’t even more expensive despite the fact that I find skimping on rings pathetic

throwawaynpineapples · 2021-10-06T15:35:05+00:00

Not a question of price, but of quality. The ring, as you said, should last a lifetime.

This means gold or platinum, no plated, no silver (although I have antique silver jewelry that held for a century, but it requires care) and a sturdy stone or stones, set and designed by a professional.

It should also align with your style (are you modern? Minimalist? Vintage? Which style of vintage?) And values (lab diamond? Vintage piece? Vintage stone and gold reworked in a modern setting? Or do you want a particular brand, which is important for you, such as Tiffany, Cartier etc.?)

I say that it's not a question of price, not because price doesn't matter but because a ring ticking all the criterias for one person, in a designated country, might cost twice the price of someone else's dream ring in another place. Anyway, a ring made of precious metal, precious stone and with care made into its design WILL cost money. Cheap does not last.

The time dedicated to find the ideal piece for you is important as well because it reveals how much thought the person buying it put into it, how well they know what is important for you.

warinmymind94 · 2021-10-06T16:01:00+00:00

I think the ring should definitely be of value and should require effort: the guy having to actually save up for it, looking at different styles and designs, and going the extra mile to really pick out/design a ring that reflects her style and preferences.

It should be on the pricey side for the man, because it should be a serious purchase, one that requires him to work for it, because it shouldn't be taken lightly.

You can use alternative stones if you like but the ring can still be a good quality and made with high quality materials (gold, platinum, etc). It should have a good level of detail and be durable - you want a ring that would last. Something that you can wear that looks good and holds up, something you want to show off.

I think it should 3 months salary OR more.

I personally would want a lab made diamond, and I know they are significantly cheaper, but it would have to be a nice size, in gold or platinum for the band, and have a nice style to it. I love details.

I personally would want a 2nd ring as well - a cheap costume jewelry one for when I travel or am worried about loosing it. It would be there just to signal to men I was married but some places I travel are just risky and have a high chance of damage/theft.

However I wouldn't mind a man giving me a cheaper ring that was one month salary and him using the extra money to give me something else of value with the cheaper ring: stocks, property, maybe paying off some of my student loan debt etc. Would obviously have to be legit and make sure its actually mine if anything happens.

dollymyfolly · 2021-10-06T20:06:57+00:00

I think the average in America at least is about $5,000-$7,000 for a ring. This is enough to get something very nice and sturdy that will last a long time.

icingonacake0213 · 2021-10-06T10:44:32+00:00

I believe there isn’t an upper limit. However would could be considered appropriate is 3-4 months worth their monthly salary. These should get a ring that is about 12,000 - 16,000 dollars which should be enough to get a stunning, worthwhile ring that serves as an investment for your future.

I personally would love for my ring to have a “story”. And be elegant since I’ll be wearing it a lot and with all sorts of attire

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-10-06T12:53:27+00:00

I don’t wear jewelry because I don’t like it much. My ex proposed with a ring that was about $2600. I only ever wore it at Christmas’s and our anniversary.

For me a big ring isn’t a priority, it’ll never see the light of day. I’d prefer a $2600 tattoo proposal. Lol

Birdie_Jack2021 · 2021-10-06T12:22:28+00:00

I don’t believe in a set amount. My ring is exactly what I asked for and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg.

bubblegumsparkles · 2021-10-06T16:00:36+00:00

I don’t want to argue with what ring I want for sure. Someone who tries to convince me not to get gold just because everyone else in their family has platinum rings, is not someone I would be happy with.

VanessaViews · 2021-10-06T18:27:20+00:00

Should cost enough to be made out of durable materials that will stand the test of time and not cost so much that you are going into debt to buy it! It's going to vary person to person based on what they want. But I think those are good minimums and maximums on what it should cost

ExistentialJelly · 2021-10-06T19:09:38+00:00

My ring was custom made in my husband's country for less than $2000. He also got me various other jewelry. Worth about $5000 total.

He also sold property to pay off my med school so I can graduate debt free.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-10-06T20:09:21+00:00

The most important thing is that the ring should meet the prospective bride's preferences and the prospective groom should take care to find out about those in advance. Some women TRULY don't want an expensive ring but a quality gold and precious stone ring can be had for $500 from a nice family jeweler. And if the woman wants the very "traditional" (in the US) diamond ring, that's going to cost quite a bit more but IMO the man should do whatever he can to meet that expectation.

Secondly, the ring should be made out of some type of precious metal and precious stone, and IMO it should cost somewhere a little north of the nicest thing the guy has ever bought for himself-- be that his entertainment system, gaming computer, car, whatever. The cost should pinch him a little and should come entirely from his own funds. Despite being from a marketing campaign, I think the three months' salary thing is actually a pretty good benchmark for most normal, middle class people of marriageable age.

Thirdly, there should be no unwanted baggage attached. The ring shouldn't be made using his mom's old diamond, even if said diamond is very expensive, if his mom expects that diamond back in the event the relationship ends. I have read some pretty horrific stories here on Reddit where dudes try to reuse a variety of engagement rings- from those belonging to or gifted from family members, to those of an ex or deceased partner, and even in one case he found it on the ground! Just... no.

My personal standards: platinum and/or 18k gold with high quality earth mined diamonds is what I would like, with a center stone of at least 1.5 carats. I like very classic or antique inspired designs and IMO the best quality comes from custom work done by a reputable jeweler- no chain jewelers or big box stores for me.

charliefoxyfeet · 2021-10-06T20:14:09+00:00

Honestly, I think the answer for me is usually whatever the woman truly wants (not pretends to want to be humble).

I like diamonds but personally felt like the ethics were questionable, so a 2 carat equivalent HIGH QUALITY moissanite is what I fell in love with and what my fiancé gave me.

I showed him my dream ring year before we got engaged. It was a little over $3,000, which is way less than a diamond but way more than a questionable random etsy ring. It is the exact ring that is now sitting on my finger.

One of my dear friends on the other hand, doesn’t personally like anything other than a real mined diamond and she wants nothing less than a 4 carat. And guess what? Her soon to be fiancé has already purchased exactly that.

Men who care about you will not entertain giving you anything less than exactly what your heart desires.

divination__ · 2021-10-06T23:33:47+00:00

As someone extremely into fine jewellery and who collects it, I would want an engagement ring that costs far more than I'd ever spend on a piece of jewellery myself. I think it is dependent on a man's income but honestly I think the lowest should be around the £5k mark, personally I'd want something around the £10-15k mark. If you're buying new, anything less than that new on the market will be pennies on the second hand market, especially white stones like diamonds and moissanites, which have bad resale value. I'd recommend looking for something on the second hand market for around £10k because you'll be able to resell it for a similar price if you need to.

I absolutely agree with you about the stones too, leave the opals for dress rings.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-10-06T23:41:05+00:00

I'd like a 1.5 - 2.0 carat diamond (lab is fine) but the price of this widely depends who you go with and the characteristics of the diamond. But on average it's probably around 10k.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-10-07T00:18:07+00:00

This is something that has come up in conversation with my boyfriend before and I think we’re going to put our own little twist on it. I like single round large stones. Given his salary, our ages, and our goals, I think 10k-15k is appropriate to spend on a ring. Anymore would feel wasteful because we are in our late 20’s and need to save for a home and other things. There’s beautiful, sizable diamonds that I’d be so proud to wear and will last a lifetime in that price range.

As per his request, I will only be spending about $500 on a wedding band for him. He’ll wear it every day, but he collects watches and would really like a wedding watch… preferably engraved on the back with our names and a little message. He thinks personalized, vintage automatic watches are the coolest thing ever and wants to be able to pass it down through the family that we build. He has watches from different milestones in his life and he says it would mean a lot to him to have a watch for the milestone of marriage.

We split things approximately 80/20 (It feels fair. Although he does make more than me, his salary alone is not enough to qualify to live in our apartment. Living in the place I picked (he moved for me) would mean living above his means. It isn’t possible for him to cover the cost of absolutely everything) and that 80/20 split is our plan with engagement/wedding rings. I’ll be getting him a watch that’s about 20% the value of the ring he gets me. So if he gets me a $15,000 ring, I’ll get him a watch that’s around $3,000.

Men aren’t the prize, and I thought this wedding watch over carefully and decided I’m okay with it. The point of the engagement ring is that the woman has something in case it all falls apart because marriage is a risk. The reality is that it is a risk for both people if the man is high value. He is against age gap relationships, and because women are only fertile for a fraction of our lives, if it doesn’t workout with me he runs the risk of not being able to have a family. It’s a much bigger risk for the woman, so that’s why the investment is much higher on his end, but I acknowledge it is still a risk for the him, so I think it’s okay to invest in him too. He covers the bulk of our current expenses, so I am saving more money that I’d be able to in any other living situation. The money I’d save on health insurance by marrying him would cover the cost of the watch (and then some) in less than a year. So I factored that into my decision. His reasoning for wanting the watch feels genuine to me. Our 80/20 split feels right. I think I’ll be very happy with my ring and he’ll be very happy with his watch :)

SkiesEclipse · 2021-10-07T00:56:30+00:00

Enough that the ring will last your whole life.

No-Instruction-5159 · 2021-10-06T10:52:36+00:00

I have green eyes and I love emeralds but at the same time it is important to have something that wears well and lasts forever. I believe that emeralds are one of the softer stones

thewetdog_ · 2021-10-07T00:23:50+00:00

The absolute most he can afford, and if he can only afford $500 he’s not ready for marriage sorry

From some men in some professions a *respectable ring would be 10k, but coming from a different man anything less than 100k is an insult. Depends on his means if you ask me. It should show sacrifice and commitment because that’s what it is.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-06T14:17:03+00:00

I had a big shiny engagement ring once. To be honest, I’ve no idea where it is now; somewhere in my storage boxes, I guess. Maybe at my mothers a thousand miles away.

I don’t care.

The ring meant nothing in the end, and it doesn’t even have value as a resale now.

The guy that I’m with and I will wind up married at one point, and I actively do NOT want him spending money on a big ring.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love big sparkly joolz, and if we can get an engineered diamond for what we both consider reasonable, then sure. But I have a very strong and low key personal style, and I would be happy with a really beautiful band.

I’m also from a big city, where flashy jewelry tends to get targeted in crime.

So although he makes enough to technically afford a few thousand for a ring, that’s not what I want. At all. If he were a millionaire, sure, buy me the Hope Diamond, it’s not going to change my life at all. But we’re not, and I actively don’t need or want it.

This isn’t a pickme thing. My career is also hard on my jewelry, I would have to take off a big ring a lot.

That all being said, I either want a tattoo, or something visually homogeneous with my style.

People will judge me?

People been judging me since I was born, it’s never stopped me from doing what needs to be done.

I can see spending several hundred on it, but I would hate wearing anything more than that.

Combined we probably make between 150/200k.

Throwaways_4_dais · 2021-10-06T08:37:12+00:00

I always had the idea it should be minimum $100. Idk why, but that was always just my random thought.

I’m not a big fan of diamonds, though. I’d like mine (if I ever get one) to be a deep purple gem (probably amethyst?) set in silver, so I don’t think those materials cost nearly as much.

I think it depends on each person, I guess? Lol

abirdofthesky · 2021-10-06T16:12:28+00:00

In my real life, not the internet, the cheapest ring I’ve seen was $800 and she regrets it as it looks cheap and like costume jewelry (got it from an Etsy shop).

All the other rings I’ve seen are very nice, and they guy tends to brag about what he got, how much research he did, the cut and clarity, uniqueness of color if it’s a sapphire, etc. The men discuss amongst themselves and definitely judge even more so than the women do at times. I’d estimate the norm is closer to $3k-$10k as even the rings with smaller center stones have interesting designs and side stones.

Which honestly…isn’t that much for something you’ll wear for life? I spent $850 on a tattoo fresh out from college, and now in my late 20s I’d spend the equivalent of one to two months salary on a lifetime piece of jewelry.

LilyFuckingBart · 2021-10-06T17:51:22+00:00

I didn’t really care about what the ring cost when I got engaged. It’s the cut I want and the diamond is of a good quality - honestly, a big diamond looks ridiculous oh my hand because it’s small, so 1 carat was the absolute max I wanted lol

I do think if any party is overly concerned with the cost, it’s problematic. There are poor people who are in love and treat each other well, after all. But as others have said, if he’s buying expensive this that and then other and throwing a fit over a ring, something is definitely a red flag.

LR_today · 2021-10-06T20:21:45+00:00

$2-5K.

The ones I like are usually around $2K or less, I don't like diamonds (lab grown is ok) and would definitely want something custom.

I also like the idea for wedding bands going to a workshop day to make them for each other!

BxGyrl416 · 2021-10-07T16:17:41+00:00

It’s been statistically proven that people who buy/receive big engagement rings are exponentially more likely to get divorced (this goes for cost of wedding too.) Take that for what it’s worth.

That said, I don’t think there is or should be any set rule. If you man can afford a huge stone, more power to you, but like somebody commented, a lot of LV wealthy guys use that as a power play. I also give side eye to guys who give crappy costume jewelry rings and the women who accept them.

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