Ladies, stop coddling your sons.

OriginalCanCon · 2022-01-20T18:36:15+00:00

I am a high school teacher in an area with VERY coddled boys, and they think I'm so mean when I give them detentions for throwing their food on the ground in my class or when they refuse to put their school laptops back in the charging slot because they expect me to do it for them. I've even had mothers complain and tell me I'm being a "bully" when I inform them their sons are being punished via detention for repeatedly leaving trash behind.

None of my female students have these issues. It's obscene how bad these parents go up to bat for their destructive boys and actively prevent me from teaching them how to behave in polite society.

GlitteryMoss · 2022-01-20T17:26:15+00:00

I was thinking of this two weeks ago while watching trials for a few men who were very coddled and entitled and ended up killing their parents, because the parents decided to stop paying their rent/pushed them to get a job/etc. If only the parents had started putting boundaries when they were young children, who knows if the outcome might have been different.

One was a guy whose mother worked exclusively to hand over the paycheck to him, which I would have strongly advised against had I known his parents.

All cases terribly sad.

smitty4728 · 2022-01-20T18:16:04+00:00

Ugh this was my ex-bf. He was a grown ass man yet his parents cooked all his meals, washed all his clothes, didn’t give him any chores to do, etc. It never, ever occurred to him to help maintain the house he himself was living in.

One time his dad mentioned to me that one time my ex came home from a trip, dumped his washing on the floor and went up to bed. I was appalled when he told me that. The entitlement was just stunning, as was his parents’ enablement of that sense of entitlement.

I dipped on that relationship pretty much immediately after hearing that story.

Devils_Tango · 2022-01-20T19:23:24+00:00

Louder for my ex mother-in-law 🙏🏽

dinarvand88 · 2022-01-21T00:10:37+00:00

In Middle Eastern culture in my family's home country we have a nickname for coddled sons that literally translates as "golden dick" and women in my community are warned to stay away from men who are obviously acting like they were treated as "golden dick". This is a big reason to not do chores for him when he invites you over. To vet for and weed out the guys who have this "golden coddled boy" syndrome.

ConfusedPanda17 · 2022-01-20T19:55:49+00:00

My boy is 4 and I'm so insistent on starting this early! I'll be damned if I ever raise a lazy kid who doesn't clean up after himself and his home. Currently he loves to help me with dishes and laundry, hates to tidy toys though 😂

mothboon · 2022-01-20T17:49:41+00:00

What excellent timing wow. Yesterday I sent a pic of the dirty clothes my son left on the bathroom floor to him at school followed by a gif of some guy saying "am I a joke to you?"

He came home and got them off the floor 😏

honeybadgerattitude · 2022-01-20T16:36:38+00:00

Ha ha ha! I had this today with my boys. I told them to tidy their room and my youngest said I should be doing it because it's my house. I said: 1, it's your mess so you're tidying it. And 2, do you think I'm going to be coming to your house and tidying up after you when you're grown? Hell no! Childhood is adult training so you can learn to do it now. He did it. Kept trying to say it was finished but I kept checking and telling them more needed doing. I'm an evil mother! Witch cackle

Peak_Tree · 2022-01-20T23:26:45+00:00

I'll never forgive my grandma for being so hard on her daugthers ( my mom included) while being a total enabler with her sons. Sorry not sorry.

ohmira · 2022-01-20T16:46:47+00:00

The expression ‘boys are easier to raise that girls’ comes to mind. Of course boys are easier, you let them do whatever while your daughters are forced to learn to care for themselves and everyone else. Which would be harder to train someone for?

I rarely chose to blame women (cuz bruh, grow up) but given the moms from gen x who’s sons I’ve dated, something went really wrong. Grown men living in complete squalor is not normal.

spicyspa · 2022-01-20T19:26:47+00:00

Too late for my ex MIL.

oscine23 · 2022-01-20T16:40:20+00:00

It doesn’t help that his dad does not push him to be independent bc he’s a whining low effort man himself. I am fighting an uphill battle.

FDS-MAGICA · 2022-01-20T18:33:02+00:00

It might be hard to do that if your husband or ex-husband is sabotaging your progress by letting the boys do whatever they want, painting you as a mean nagging harpy so that he can be Mr. Fun Cool Dude.

Sonshinesas54 · 2022-01-20T17:33:34+00:00

I thought I did a good job and didn't "coddle" my son. I had to fight to make up to him what his father refused to give him but I kept a clean house and he was taught how to clean and do laundry. Regardless he is a LVM. He drove girlfriends away already expecting them to clean up after him and lives in a perpetual pig sty. Doesn't seem to bother him nor newest girlfriend. The example wasn't set by me but possibly my ex his dad who lived in the 1950's and thought he was better than cleaning, laundry, etc. I guess my son watched me take care of that for so many years he learned he could do the same?

annedr3ww · 2022-01-20T22:01:51+00:00

I have two sons - 24 and 16. With the oldest, I was already teaching him basic cooking skills, how to clean the house properly (no weaponized incompetence here). He already knew how to do laundry and fold clothes Japanese-style (Kondo) by the time he was in middle school. He saw the value in it when at school the teachers asked to fold their class shirts and he impressed them with his simple but very precise folding. When they both started working at 16, their bosses were impressed that they knew how to mop and do dishes correctly. This made my oldest level up faster and now works at a boujee gym.

Both of them would whine and say… why do I have to do this? Men shouldn’t be cleaning … blah blah blah. Esp since I was a SAHM for a long time. I reminded them that if they wanted to stay happily married, they needed to be able to do 50% of labor in the household. Also, majority women now work so men have to be able to keep up their half of running a household. I wanted my future daughter in laws to gain a partner and not another child they had to care for. I want my future grandchildren to have the best chances of being raised in a two parent HAPPY household.

Showing your sons how to balance home, school and work life is the best way to keep your legacy and family intact. One of the best ways of teaching respect for “unseen” housework is making them do it so they understand it doesn’t magically clean up on its own.

msinclaire · 2022-01-20T18:15:16+00:00

My son (30) is special needs with autism and moderate mental retardation.

As a kid, we taught him to pick up, vacuum and dust his room, run and fold his own laundry, load a dishwasher, clean the cat box and feed the pets, take out the garbage as needed and put out the cans every week.

He was also taught to make simple things in the microwave. Quesadillas, oatmeal, hot dogs, etc.

Mothers, if a mentally retarded child can learn and employ these tasks, your neuro-typical kid can too. There are no excuses!

Lady_Schmoobleydong · 2022-01-20T17:23:59+00:00

I’m expecting a boy and have no plans on holding back my expectations of him growing into a HVM. He can play video games and indulge in the fun nerdy stuff too, but one day he’ll grow up and gtfo my house, I’m not sicking him out on the world and other women blind deaf and dumb.

A friend of mine has an almost two year old and it’s so cute what she’s teaching him. She got him a play kitchen and teaches him how to do simple things like preparing snacks, washing fruit. She got him a toy Dyson and he “cleans” when I see this, I think “she gets it, good husbands don’t fall out of the sky!”

SayNad · 2022-01-20T18:27:15+00:00

Am not a parent so this is purely an opinion - but I do think sons have to be treated with far more discipline and authority that daughters. Just based on the reason that the entire society is hell-bent on turning boys into horrible adults by teaching them that smoking, drugs, alcohol, hookups, treating women like shit, cheating etc. etc. are cool and "manly".

Whenever I have to deal with school-aged students I found that softer and friendlier approach work on girls - but with boys it just have to be full authority mode or else they won't listen to you.

MorthaP · 2022-01-20T17:44:44+00:00

It was pretty crazy to see the difference between me and a male friend. We are almost the same age (hes a few months younger). Up til a few years ago, if you compared us two he had such a lack of common knowledge. And I've never been the most practical person but he didnt know about the most basic, simple things. He also lived with his parents until about 24 or 25 and still doesnt really have a place of his own. He was just a couple years behind me on everything. He also once told me sexism doesn't exist in the world so...

melympia · 2022-01-20T18:48:33+00:00

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BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2022-01-21T05:17:56+00:00

I would hope every parent teaches their child the chores necessary for household maintenance.

What puzzles me about this line of thinking is ... don't young men live outside their parents' house for quite some time prior to marrying these days?

If so, wouldn't he have, like, a decade of self-care and home maintenance under his belt when you meet him?

So you can presumably vet for this issue when you go to his house while you're dating? Does he care for it? Are he and his roommates squabbling about the chores (and is he the one not doing them)?

Even if his mom never teaches him anything, I'd assume he would learn to clean up after himself so he doesn't live in his own filth. And if not, well that's good to know early on, so you don't waste much time on him, right?

Georgerobertfrancis · 2022-01-20T22:11:54+00:00

Remember that men emulate and value other men. Without HVM role models, a mother cannot effectively shape her son for adulthood. They’ll look to fathers, family, peers, the internet… anywhere to get male influence. Until society changes as a whole, don’t expect to see major changes in male behavior.

EDIT: I’m seeing the patriarchal attitude “women are responsible/to blame for men” seeping in, and it’s important to be aware of when that programmed bias creeps up on us. The mothers who raise these boys are either steeped in pickme culture or thwarted by male society. Many mothers are straight up afraid of their adult sons, for good reason.

Heather619 · 2022-01-20T21:43:02+00:00

Yes! It's even worse with boys that I work with who have ADHD and ASD. They literally choose not to do their schoolwork and their moms won't why they lack motivation... Because there aren't any consequences. I've told multiple mother to take away their sons' video games when they don't do schoolwork and viola, no more missing assignments.

mostdefinitelynturs · 2022-01-20T22:36:24+00:00

Oh trust me Im NOT! My son might be 8 but I told him: make sure you're financially stable before pursuing anyone, women don't like broke men, and I'll disown him if he makes a child and doesn't take care of it.

2022-01-21T19:13:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Ladies, stop coddling your sons.
Author	Competitive_Bar8657
Upvotes	1889
Comments	115
Date	January 20, 2022 4:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s8mqwe/ladies_stop_coddling_your_sons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-stop-coddling-your-sons.1096544 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096544

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