CMV: You should make Mr Boyfriend Material wait

DGenerationMC · 2025-03-03T17:56:03+00:00

If he's not way out of your league, you will have more leeway to keep him interested.

The longer he waits and works for it, the more invested he will be. The "Ikea Effect" is real.

Ah, I think I see what's going on here.

You're a female dating strategy weirdo.

Barneysparky · 2025-03-03T15:32:15+00:00

Or you could just not have sex with someone you just met, like a normal person.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to both get a STD check going into a new relationship.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-03-03T16:04:31+00:00

Downside to this is that the boyfriend material doesn’t see you as girlfriend material, just as someone who plays dumb games instead of living.

classicslayer · 2025-03-03T21:39:46+00:00

This tactic doesn't work anymore the cat is out of the bag.

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2025-03-03T16:13:42+00:00

If you're traditional and actually back it up, as in you don't have a lot of bodies that's fine. A lot of good men are understanding and perfectly understanding, my boyfriend could wait just fine.

If you've had one night stands or slept with other guys in the past pretty quickly then no, they'll rightly just assume you're not attracted to them. Just stick to more promiscuous guys and have your fun rather than trying to trap a decent man through some weird waiting ritual

FrodoCraggins · 2025-03-03T15:39:16+00:00

The only man you're going to attract with this Victorian-era mindset is one who also holds on to these ideas. Guys who live in the modern era won't deal with this nonsense and will move on to someone else who actually shows interest in them and makes that clear.

You think "if he really wants me he'll chase me", but every guy younger than middle age has been raised to understand that you only chase people who are running away, and any guy who does so is about as welcome as Pepe Le Pew was chasing that cat.

ViolentShallot · 2025-03-03T15:39:58+00:00

For once windmill makes a point that's not all awful.

Yeah, you should wait until you can verify he's committed, and so should he.

Zabadoodude · 2025-03-03T15:39:45+00:00

You can do what you want, but there are many good, relationship focused men that won't wait more than a few dates.

"But if he really wanted me he would wait for me!" - just like women, men with self-respect have standards. If his standard is that he won't chase a woman thats not demonstrating her attraction to him, he will not tolerate being strung along. Even if he likes her.

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-03-03T16:17:33+00:00

If he’s the kinda guy that puts woman into catalogues like “easy” or “hard” he’s not the kinda guy I want any kind of relationship with

abaxeron · 2025-03-03T17:29:23+00:00

WDYT?

Yes, simps must suffer.

I think it counts as CMV, since I agree with the strategy but disagree with the reasoning.

BowelMan · 2025-03-04T06:46:50+00:00

Only if she's a virgin. Otherwise what am I waiting for?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-03-04T07:55:12+00:00

Interesting take, but I don't agree.

Making a man wait will help you see if he is really boyfriend/husband material. If he stays only because he invested too much at the beginning, he don't really like you and the relation is certainly doomed

If a mature man want to be in a serious relationship, he will also take things slow

southwestheat · 2025-03-03T15:58:06+00:00

So, use sex as a bargaining chip?

Only a guy with low self esteem would be ok with that, and only for so long.

And wait until he finds out about any and all hookup sex you've previously had. Other guys (possibly "jerks") got to have you however they wanted you after knowing you for minutes/hours, but new guy that you want to go the distance with needs to arbitrarily wait?

Good luck with that. Please post back with your actual results.

YveisGrey · 2025-03-03T16:38:58+00:00

This is actually true but RP hate this so much

Alarmed_Load8145 · 2025-03-03T16:27:30+00:00

Well, it depends on how long you plan on making him wait. No guy will wait weeks or months to sleep with you, because, in the guy’s mind, he’ll think you’re not passionately attracted to him. Otherwise, you would have slept with him sooner. Also, I hate these arbitrary rules. You can do that, but don’t be surprised if said guy goes somewhere else.

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-03-03T16:52:01+00:00

If you see long term potential in a guy you're dating, it's in your best interest to make him wait.

So... if you don't see a potential in a guy you are dating, you'd not make him wait, OP? Sleep with him right off the bat?

Maybe it's just bad wording on your part, but that's what this statement says.

If he's not way out of your league, you will have more leeway to keep him interested.

If a man really wants a long-term relationship with you, manipulation is not a good strategy at all. Be reasonable, be honest, have a mutual goal of marrying and creating a family.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-03-03T18:43:19+00:00

i don't mind waiting for women who don't have a double digit n count and a history of ONS, fwb, hookups etc. but those women are not doing it as a strategy. they don't selectively apply different rules for different men in a calculating way.

and even if it might be a good 'strategy' to become a reformed hoe once a woman with an extensive past wants to settle down, it's not a good strategy to select for those women as a man. but since most men are some variation of beggars rather than choosers, it's probably going to work to land some simp as sad as it is.

OwnedIGN · 2025-03-03T23:08:47+00:00

I’m surprised this got so many downvotes. I thought women would like this strategy. It’s the preferred, tried and true strategy that I see used most often.

Keeping in mind, I’m a bit old now.

good_guy_not_evil · 2025-03-05T00:11:15+00:00

Eh, most people don't make others wait nowadays, you guys are the minority (in the west anyway). It's just confirmation bias that making them wait = guaranteed relationship. Both of my LTRs were from having sex on the 2nd-3rd date.

Making a guy wait 6 months typically works on men who were already in love with you, are low libido, or really want an LTR and don't have many options.

But after 2-3 months of nothing, a lot of men will assume you do not find them physically attractive and dip out. If they don't do it much sooner. Filtering for physical attraction (and high libido) is completely valid, it doesn't mean that he was just trying to pump and dump.

Most women would also drop a guy if he kept rejecting them for sex, she'll assume he doesn't find her that attractive.

wizardnamehere · 2025-03-08T11:53:08+00:00

OK. counter points:

Not having sex with him (especially if he has expressed interested, invited, or asked) communicates that you're not that attracted to him. This makes it LESS likely to get a relationship with a man. You're betting on there being more men who are put off by women who are easy vs men who are put off by women who are not that into them (and have weird hang ups over sex and gender). This is a bad bet.
Leading from 1. He might not care how easy you are.
Leading from 1. There are loads of potential great relationships who won't 'work for it' because they don't view relationships that way and don't see the appeal in a construction of gendered relationships in that lens. Unless your outright preference is for a certain sort of relationship and hangup about sex, then this is counterproductive.
If you feel you are out of his league that's a bad sign for any potential relationship.
Just because you feel he is out of your league or you are out of his league; it doesn't mean he has done an assessment of you and your league. He might have given no thought to any sort of ranking. He most likely has just assessed how attracted to you he is and how much he likes you.
Sex is fun and if you have this much baggage about it i suggest therapy.

Proudvow · 2025-03-10T21:26:27+00:00

All of this is fine as long as you don't have casual sex with other guys either.

But if you do then you're literally treating a respectable boyfriend material man worse than random dick.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-03T19:44:41+00:00

For how long? My time isn’t infinite

wtknight · 2025-03-03T15:31:05+00:00

I think that this is only the case if she makes every woman wait for sex. If she makes a man wait when she didn’t make other men wait, then she will either make the man angry once he finds out that he didn’t have to wait, or she will end up attracting a man who doesn’t have self-respect.

missmireya · 2025-03-03T21:43:25+00:00

How old are you OP and how long would you make a man wait?

Because let me tell you something- Just know that making a man wait means nothing. Yes, it will weed out the f-boys right away. But if a man in general decides he wants to play the long game, he'll leave anyway. No matter how long you make him wait.

Tywinlol2 · 2025-03-03T15:40:09+00:00

Is the guy in question autistic? Does he struggle for social ques and norms? Is this his first interaction with a female?

Cause if the answers to these questions is no then he will simply walk away, most likely. Lets be real unless you are wife material and demonstrate it, and most of you Western females are not, he will judge you by average standard and just assume that you stringing him along. Which he will not tolerate, unless of course he is a simp. Then do whatever.

mobjack · 2025-03-03T16:11:44+00:00

I don't believe a woman will wait that long for me unless she has a low libido.

Sure she might say she wants to wait, but I expect her to make an exception by dates 3 to 5.

If it is longer then that, then I don't think she is interested.

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Ok_Information3286 · 2025-03-03T15:55:30+00:00

The caveat to this is, if the guy finds out that he was the one who waited while others got it on the first night, it'll bring up resentment.

Barely-moral · 2025-03-03T16:00:50+00:00

I see no issue with your sugestion exept that it seems to apply only to guys you see long term potential in. That makes me understand that there are different standards that apply to men that have only short term potential.

ziggyt1 · 2025-03-03T16:14:08+00:00

Waiting a few weeks at minimum makes sense, as it's a decent way to weed out fuckboys and players. I'm open to waiting a bit longer for an exceptional woman who demonstrates strong sexual desire, but only if it's clear that she is delaying gratification to ensure things compatibility, connection, security, safety, etc.

One of my relationship needs is strong and durable mutual attraction and desire. I don't like getting attached to someone to only find out we're fundamentally incompatible in the bedroom, so there's a limit.

If you're seeing each other regularly and it's been 6+ weeks, then I'll often begin to suspect that there's an issue with attraction, attachment, or trauma and I'll start becoming disinterested.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-03-03T17:11:40+00:00

I mean I’d say that’s fine as long as you acknowledge that someone else could be interested in him and not make him wait as long as you are to him. If that does indeed happen and he does decide to forget about you for the other person: you hold yourself accountable and blame for making him wait too long and him losing interest.

grown_folks_talkin · 2025-03-03T18:56:25+00:00

Sentence 2 is key. It implies you have confidence in your ability to keep him interested.

You probably need to be at the upper edge of what his perceived league is for this to work, and be interesting/sweet. If he already knows he’s really reaching he might bail early.

But also if you’re at this upper edge and good sex happens early, that can have real momentum and he may think it doesn’t get any better.

Either way, that upper edge seems like the best place for a woman to be.

If a guy has serious justified abundance mentality, it may not matter how long you hold out. He may be perfectly fine having you as a friend who invites him to social events until you break down and initiate sex.

M3taBuster · 2025-03-03T19:05:26+00:00

You should make ALL men wait.

meisterkraus · 2025-03-03T19:34:42+00:00

1 and 3 are a no. And 2 only works with men without options.

Akitten · 2025-03-04T02:58:09+00:00

He is liklier to view you as easy otherwise. If he views you as easy, he's less likely to want to pursue things long term

No correlation. Just because the men you sleep with immediately (typically better looking men with options) don't want to pursue things long term, doesn't meant that sleeping with a man early will make him like you less.

The latter two assume you keep his interest, which more or less comes down to "I'm the best you can get".

If I'm seeing two women and one is banging me, i'm putting my efforts into the sure thing.

Werevulvi · 2025-03-06T14:49:28+00:00

You can only wait for so long until even most really good men lose interest. If you know you're really good in bed and that you have a lot to offer a man for LTR besides sex, then yeah you can get away with waiting a bit longer, because you can then maybe keep him interested longer and he'll feel the wait was worth it if you really sweep his feet off the ground once you do get sexual.

If you're more of a starfish type in bed, or don't have much time or energy to offer because you work so much or whatever, then please be real with yourself. Pretty much no man is gonna think the wait for sex is/was worth it in that kinda situation.

That said it's a gamble either way. The longer you wait, the more you risk losing his interest, and the quicker you have sex the more you risk ending up being used for just sex.

So I think ideally women should be more intuitive about what kinda vibes or flags a guy gives off already early on in the dating process, and if he does give off bad vibes or red flags, don't have sex but also don't continue dating him. Some tips I can give in regards to that is: if he's talking a lot about sex or has a huge focus on complimenting your body, or keeps asking about you seeing each other at either his or your place, these are tell tale signs that he really just wants sex, even if you do click well with his personally otherwise. Whatever people talk about the most is usually also what they care about the most.

That said I know that's a lot easier said than done to figure out a guy's intentions, so realistically we do kinda need to take our chances one way or another. That means either take the risk in having sex early on, hoping he's not a player or plate-spinner or whatever, or take the chance with waiting, hoping he's gonna stick around long enough for you to feel safe with him. Or try some kinda middle ground with that.

Either way it's a dice roll. But these are the risks of dating that we should be ready for. If not, maybe don't date (yet.) None of us (men or women) can control other people's behaviour. And dating is always taking the risk of ending up being played or manipulated for one thing or another. Men do take risks in that too. Maybe not for being used for sex, but other things. Like being used for money or getting baby trapped. So we all take whatever precautions we feel we can afford, yet also take whatever risks we feel we can afford. And sometimes we make the wrong choice.

But I think if we have some degree of flexibility, then we have greater chance at getting what we want, but also a higher risk of getting hurt. So it really comes down to how much are you willing to risk? This is gonna vary for each individual.

DietTyrone · 2025-03-07T17:47:54+00:00

He is liklier to view you as easy otherwise. If he views you as easy, he's less likely to want to pursue things long term

Pretending to be a Madonna won't work long term if he finds out her history doesn't align with that. All that's accomplishing is creating a situation where there could be discontent down the line if he believes he was purposefully mislead.

The longer he waits and works for it, the more invested he will be. The "Ikea Effect" is real.

Never heard of the "IKEA Effect" but this just sound like the Sunk-Cost Fallacy. Where someone feels obligated to stick with something (in this case a relationship) because they've already invested a certain amount of time and effort. Flaw with relying on this is the same as the previous statement, it won't prevent resentment later. Hiding something the other person might be bothered by initially is only putting off them likely being just as bothered later, if not more so if they think they were intentionally mislead.

SuchConsideration731 · 2025-03-07T21:54:12+00:00

No no. He should make ME wait. If a man is willing to have sex with someone he doesn't knwonwell and can't trust yet and has no chemistry with yet, and would go as far as ask for sex first even tho he has received nothing from that person, not even a sign, HE is the one who's not worth a relationship with me cause all he's gonna bring in my home would be drama and diseases.

nonedat · 2025-03-11T19:40:33+00:00

He is liklier to view you as easy otherwise. If he views you as easy, he's less likely to want to pursue things long term

What is with this assumption that if you give him what he wants out of you then he'll suddenly stop liking you? Like, hello? Mr Boyfriend is going on dates with you, worrying about whether you'll respond to his texts or not and acting in all sorts of ways like treading a fine tightrope with zero margin for error, all so he can achieve sex and companionship with you. If you fulfill his objective and you KNOW he's boyfriend material, he's going to love you. You finally put out for him after he got rejected 100+ times by other women! You'd be a saint. You're describing player-type guys - not boyfriend material.

The longer he waits and works for it, the more invested he will be

Um, no, for most decent guys there comes a point where if you don't put out then he'll move on to someone else. Sorry to put it bluntly but that's the way it is and you know it. Also, the longer you make him wait, the higher chance that he says or does something you don't like and you get the ick.

ClassicSmooth · 2025-03-12T08:08:34+00:00

I agree that taking your time and feeling things out is smart, but if you truly want someone and also want sex with them then I’d say don’t wait too long especially if they’re trying for it. In today’s world they’re probably a few swipes away from getting it somewhere else so it might be fleeting. Also, if you’re having to use sex as your bargaining chip to land a partner, then chances are you won’t be seen as long term material. Work on your other qualities like personality, looks, career, and the right person will want to lock you down at any stage.

BrightAutumn12 · 2025-03-03T15:32:12+00:00

As a guy who constantly says that women shouldn't contemplate high standards is only about looks but actual personality, I completely agree.

I think most women's problems would go away if they followed this and didn't jump on chad's dick right away and then blame other men when he won't commit.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-03-03T15:35:11+00:00

Nah, I'll do as I please, thanks. But I'd never date a man who holds dusty old religious ideas about women's value, I don't even know any men like that. If I do, they keep that Sharia horseshit to themselves.

No one in my immediate sphere is promiscuous or prone to take risks, and most of us date people we already know plenty about and have established a comfortable rapport with. I can't even name a friend who has casual sex outside of a couple who partied too hard in college.

This isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, except for very religious or inhibited people. But even those women should take great care to discover as much about how their boyfriend feels about women's value before letting him near her naked body, anyway. If he's calling women sluts and whores while giving men a free pass to do whatever, he's already told you where you stand, and it's at the bottom of the hierarchy.

John_Oakman · 2025-03-03T16:09:56+00:00

That stuff only works if the social legitimacy value offered by the woman is worth the effort, but paradoxically by having that motive devalues said social legitimacy value in the first place.

And most average (as in within 1 standard deviation) males can tell, mostly because people in general are far less slick than they think they are.

Also, any male who is willing to wait indefinitely for intimacy before a relationship is also likely to be able to wait indefinitely during a relationship, which means it'll be a hellish situation for any woman unlucky enough to be in that situation.

pentatonicartichoke · 2025-03-03T18:59:12+00:00

I don't have sex until I feel safe, ready and somewhat attached anyway, but I wouldn't wait just to wait. The right person wouldn't leave you because you had sex on the 3rd date instead of the 5th, 10th, 20th etc.

Title	CMV: You should make Mr Boyfriend Material wait
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	174
Date	March 3, 2025 3:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1j2l52v/cmv_you_should_make_mr_boyfriend_material_wait/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-you-should-make-mr-boyfriend-material-wait.1545497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545497

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