Cold approaching doesn’t work

wtknight · 2023-10-25T22:59:01+00:00

Re-flaired CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim

FunEducation1434 · 2023-10-25T19:35:52+00:00

Wild that this isn’t common sense by now

I have never cold approached a women, not because I believe I would get banned from a place or get arrested, but because it’s a fruitless endeavor unless she’s throwing out signals to you.

Edit: To be clear. I know you won’t get arrested from approaching, I’ve been knowing it.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-10-25T22:18:03+00:00

Cold approaching only works for certain guys

Meaning - the attractive guys.

With being average, you may have a slight chance if your game and charisma are maxed out.
If you're below average, don't even bother.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-10-25T19:35:50+00:00

Cold approach works if you can manage the following:

A. Be attractive.

B. Have game.

A couple of years ago, a guy who would stare at my then-gf in the gym over the course of 6 months finally worked up the nerve to speak to her. What was his move? "I really want to touch you."

Me, when she told me: "Eww. I am embarrassed FOR him." Srsly, 6 months to come up with smth and that's what he said. Yuck. I mean, she was painfully introverted and already creeped out by the prolonged staring but really.

Razieloo · 2023-10-25T19:51:37+00:00

Don’t cold approach

Don’t date coworkers

Don’t date girls from your class

Don’t date girls from your college

Don’t date friends

Don’t date people at the gym

Don’t date people at your hobby

Don’t date people anywhere

Don’t date people

Don’t date

It’s over

Sessile-B-DeMille · 2023-10-25T22:17:44+00:00

Most women are satisfied with their relationship status. Of those that aren't, many don't like being cold approached, and of those remaining women, most of them either don't find you attractive or are too cautious to accept your offer.

ironpony88 · 2023-10-25T23:15:40+00:00

Cold approaching works a lot better in bars compared to other places.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-10-26T00:33:06+00:00

Y’all live in an alternate reality. I like making small talk and bantering with people I’ve just met. I prefer to do it with people I find attractive.

Y’all are admitting you’re company is not enjoyable.

ReplacementPasta · 2023-10-25T19:25:53+00:00

Approaching random girls you don’t even know will only resort to them saying “I have a boyfriend sorry” or they’ll just straight up say they aren’t interested.

I mean, you only ask them out only if they seem interested.

Like you dont just walk up to someone to ask them out.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-10-25T19:34:08+00:00

Agreed, unless you're hot, obviously, it works out a lot more

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-10-25T19:52:53+00:00

The worst one is when guys come up to you and open with some form of "You're pretty. Can I have your number/do you want to go out with me?" in broad daylight in a place like the bus station or the middle of the street.

We never exchanged one word. You literally don't know anything about me and obviously you just want to fuck me.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-25T19:34:42+00:00

You have to follow rules 1 & 2 for it to work:

Be attractive
Don't be unattractive

But most men are viewed as unattractive by women, so yeah, it doesn't work. As a mid guy like myself, you'll have much more success with warm approaches. Meaning, you both are somewhat familiar with each other and not complete strangers.

DerayRevan · 2023-10-25T20:03:21+00:00

Only works if your in the right environment and have the social skills(Game) to take over the interaction

No-Resource2745 · 2023-10-25T19:52:59+00:00

In certain settings, such as a bar known as a singles bar, it can work, but it has to be done in the right way. There are sooo many men who cold approach by commenting on a woman’s body, her object, and that is doomed for failure. You need to approach her as a person, ask what she’s drinking, compliment part of her outfit, ask her thoughts on the weather, literally anything that has to do with her taste, her likes/dislikes, her feelings about things, what she thinks.

Sea_Month_5290 · 2023-10-25T22:11:24+00:00

You're making it a huge deal

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-10-25T22:25:05+00:00

Its a numbers game and you have to keep doing it until a girl says yes. Same with tinder or bumble. If you have a better idea please let me know

Sea_Month_5290 · 2023-10-25T22:27:06+00:00

It is an skill that you should master

lololololROFL · 2023-10-25T23:17:32+00:00

Cold approaching with the idea of getting in to a relationship doesn't work, but I've had some great conversations by talking to people I didn't know out in public, and have even found a really good female friend that way. It also helped me IMMENSELY with my social anxiety, and now I feel like I can talk to just about anyone

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-10-25T23:28:09+00:00

I just walked up on a girl on the street a few days ago and introduced myself. We walked and talked for a little, I got her number and we're going to the gym tomorrow.

YacubsLadder · 2023-10-26T00:03:31+00:00

Cold approaching does work as long as a woman is giving you the signs that she's interested.

About a month and a half ago I went into a casino with a homeboy and me and him were walking One direction in a group of girls were walking towards us.

One of the girls locked eyes with me and then smiled as she got close and passed.

I told my homeboy "hey I'll catch up with you, I think she was digging me".

So I turned around and approached her and what do you know I got her number.

Yes approaching random girls that didn't smile at you or stare at you or try to start a conversation with you is a crap shoot.

Matter of fact it's very unlikely.

You just have to get the signs and then act on those.

SentientNose · 2023-10-26T00:19:56+00:00

Oh shit, let me go tell all of the girls I've had sex with from cold approach that it didn't count because some redditor who doesn't understand cold approach said it doesn't work.

Try on this: cold approach is a complicated art that you have to understand the where, when and how of, when done correctly it absolutely can and DOES, work. It's just you have to have the social skills and understand the market of women who would be interested in you.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-10-26T05:35:08+00:00

Were we supposed to just forget all the “stranger danger” lessons we got as a child?

Luckypickslottery · 2023-10-25T19:41:14+00:00

You just don’t have game

obviousredflag · 2023-10-26T10:13:11+00:00

Have you tried cold approaching ugly women?

Spyro7x3 · 2023-10-25T20:57:27+00:00

Cold approaching isn't going up and saying some stupid pickup line. For me basically I'll see a girl that I feel like I could see myself with and I make eye contact on my way to whatever I'm doing and make sure she sees me again somehow (positioning)

I judge by her look towards me to go for the kill.

Think of it like combined arms warfare, you don't just rush the infantry in guns blazing, you soften up with airstrikes (eye contact and smolder) and positioning or angle of attack matters too make sure she sees you with friends if you're not somewhere alone

If you are alone play up the brooding guy in the corner that wants to be happily left alone. Actually pay attention to her as little as possible if shes super hot don't get caught gawking like an idiot.

nonplussedminus · 2023-10-25T21:02:34+00:00

It has worked for me so I think it's always worth it to give it a shot

George69143 · 2023-10-26T04:19:18+00:00

Well they have 50 dudes in their phone already so unless you’re more attractive than all 50. Good luck.

Safinated · 2023-10-25T20:16:27+00:00

Has a low success rate =/= no success at all

KingOfTheIncels_ · 2023-10-25T19:36:54+00:00

Its a long shot I guess. But it is kinda fun.

Ok-Process-9795 · 2023-10-26T02:18:50+00:00

I would never want to be cold approached. Flirting is fine, but expecting me to make plans to meet you when this is the first time we've met is kinda scary.

jverveslayer · 2023-10-25T22:10:07+00:00

I've personally had a lot of success with cold approach (though I struggled at first). I've taken home a lot of women from clubs, parties, and events as well as places like malls, parks, and even the street. I've even had a couple instances where I took girls home that day after approaching them in broad daylight.

I will say that doing cold approach well is a difficult skill to learn, primarily because the feedback you get is very random and unclear. It's hard to associate reactions you get with actions you took which can make the learning process very opaque and confusing for guys.

You also need a pretty solid level of social skills to do cold approach. A lot of guys want to learn this bc they don't have social lives or other ways of meeting women, or the women in their lives are never interested in them. That kind of guy is not going to have success cold approaching women. Additionally, your location and your looks can also have a big impact on your experience.

Still, the "warmer" your approaches are the better. My favorite places to meet girls are at big events where people are already in fun and social moods or big parties where I already know at least a handful of people. Places where there are a lot of new people to meet, but people are also open to meeting others.

Approaching random girls you don’t even know will only resort to them saying “I have a boyfriend sorry” or they’ll just straight up say they aren’t interested.

If you're getting rejected right off the bat every time, then you're fucking up the approach. Your body language, voice, eyes, vibe, etc are very important here. Your appearance could also be a factor.

Cold approaching only works for certain guys and unless your that guy it’s just a waste of time.

Sort of. Most people who talk about cold approach or try it, give up really quickly, make a lot of excuses, and don't put real consistent effort into it. Or they just lack the foundations of social skills, body language, vibe, etc, which can take time to develop on their own. But apart from that, I've seen a really wide variety of guys find success in terms of looks, ethnicities, backgrounds, height, etc.

Best advice is to just make moves on girls who shows interest in you if your interested in them as well.

You're going to have a better chance of success when you get signals like that, but not all girls show interest clearly and many men are pretty bad at reading them (like equating friendliness with interest).

Also, if you're good you'll be able to turn around a lot of girls who are neutral or ambivalent towards you at the beginning. Imo, this is what it means to "have game". A lot of guys can take girls who are already interested and move forward with them. Few guys can take girls who aren't interested and turn that into something good.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-10-25T19:57:18+00:00

Ted Bundy used to cold approach women all the time! Obviously, that he was conventionally good looking helped, but he’d never have been able to kill upwards of thirty women if he’d taken such a negative/defeatist attitude.

mike-sonko · 2023-10-25T21:57:14+00:00

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Maybe it's because I played sports in high school and college that I have this you-win-some-you-lose-some mentality. Losing is part of life and so is rejection when you cold approach. Once you embrace this mindset your life will be better. Though I admit looks matter too - I'm 6'4"

mcmlxiv1 · 2023-10-25T22:10:09+00:00

Everything has a low success rate for the average man. Cold approach does work in comparison to every other method the modern man has concocted over the years. It’s still viable stop being a wimp and finding excuses.

hydro908 · 2023-10-26T02:23:57+00:00

Cuz girls have hundreds of guys hitting them up online if there single , so unless your a 9-10 she most likely won’t care

Zabadoodude · 2023-10-25T20:26:12+00:00

It can absolutely work, but you need at least a little game. You don't have to be good looking, just go for women in your league.

AutoModerator · 2023-10-25T19:22:29+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-10-26T00:01:37+00:00

Approaching random girls you don’t even know will only resort to them saying “I have a boyfriend sorry” or they’ll just straight up say they aren’t interested.

Why would they just immediately say "i don't have a boyfriend sorry" unless you literally just walk up and ask them out?!?

Just start a convo with them about anything. Even if a women suspects you are hitting on her, what sane girl instantly replies to anything a guy says with"I don't have a boyfriend". If anything that just filters out socially awkward women.

If you have basic observational skills and understanding of body language you can very quickly then gauge if they are interested in you. If she seems interested you ask her out, if she doesn't then the conversation doesn't have to ever escalate to asking her out.

Best advice is to just make moves on girls who shows interest in you if your interested in them aswell

The entire point of cold approach is to literally find this out! It's to put your self in situations to see if a particular girl is interested in you.

Unless you're Chad, girls are not just walking up to you and showing interest out of the blue.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-26T00:11:20+00:00

It does work, just be attractive.

AverageSmashPlayer · 2023-10-26T01:58:25+00:00

It does work, but it has to feel as natural as possible. And you need game (which the vast majority of men lack)

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-10-26T02:10:09+00:00

Cold approaching definitely does work.

If you know how to focus on what counts....finding the women who take one look at or listen to you and are down to get biblical with you.

Tactics/game i.e. trying to "make her like you" will never work because that's not how attraction works. But the belief that women are drawn to non superficial things....in any sexual sense....is what keeps the simp mill churning.

gigrabbit · 2023-10-26T03:00:31+00:00

‘I’ve seen you around the neighborhood and I just wanted to say hi’

Worked for me. I got eye contact a couple times in passing.

I’d never cold approach out of nowhere. You have to work with something imo

Turbulent-Tonight975 · 2023-10-26T03:03:09+00:00

This notion that approaching women is impossible is possibly the biggest misconception in the RP community. I have met most of my girlfriends in person. I also think that the selection of women off dating apps are better than the women on them.

My question to all the guys who think that cold approaching is impossible is what would be the option more likely to lead to success: either continuing to go on the apps that don't work for you, or going out and meeting women in the real world?

To me the obvious answer is meeting women in the real world, and yes that means sometime cold approach. Men can join groups and do activities that will get them in contact with women and it is less than a cold approach. Also take advantage of people you know and coworkers who can set you up with single women they know.

My logic is that the dating apps work for maybe 20% of men. If you are some combination tall, good looking, or overtly successful- dating apps will not work well. Dating apps reduce everyone to basically looks. All aspects of people that can attract others such as humor, charisma, charm, interests, being a good dude, intellect, ability to conversate: ALL of these areas are traits that you can show to a woman ONLY in person. Online dating completely cuts out all of these traits.

Most guys have traits that can interest women, but they have to be applied in a context that works. I think too often men rightfully complain about how online dating is such crap to most men, but they don't change anything and just keep going on these apps hoping things will change.

Cold approach is not easy and involves some communication skills. It isn't the easiest thing but its better than apps that don't help most men.

Euphoric_Advantage74 · 2023-10-26T06:35:23+00:00

I don’t think I’m the most attractive guy but i think cold approaching can work you just have to be willing to get to know the person and not just go up and ask for their numbers. Ive found when i go up to women at my college and talk to them just about who they are and get to know them they are very engaged in the conversation. Looks play a part but also just being genuine and wanting to know the person makes them want to talk more. Ask questions about themselves and when you feel you’re running out simply say “ i have somewhere to be so I’ll be taking my leave” or something. Then ask if you can get their number or social media to keep the conversation going. If you feel that they weren’t all that interested during the conversation thank them for the good time and leave. Even after you have their number still get to just learn about them and if they want you to just be friends thats fine, stay friends and enjoy the company. Don’t go into meeting people with the expectation of dating, go in with the expectation of learning about a stranger and enjoying a good conversation.

BigBrilla · 2023-10-26T07:17:52+00:00

Don’t give up. better than a lot of men that don’t even know how to talk to women. You’ll get better and eventually it’ll work out.

Also if you are average, below average I would even go as far as saying just straight up “ugly” you’ll be fine. You don’t need to be 6’4 jacked, chiseled jaw. (Obviously that helps)

I’m 5’8 and average/below average (4.5-5/10) not ripped but I work out a lot I’m semi-swole and do carry a bit of extra body fat.

I’ve never felt insecure in my ability to pursue a women and I get told I’m funny and charming (not tryna be THAT guy, just being honest) I dress well, talk calm and direct. I haven’t had much issues.

Not many are very successful in this department. You’ll be ok man

asofiro_ · 2023-10-26T08:26:04+00:00

I think it can work although it has to appear natural. Randomly walking straight up to a girl and saying 'hi you're cute' and expecting the conversation to flow won't work for 99% of men. It's situational and needs to feel organic to the woman. Asking a girl about the book she's reading at a coffee shop is more likely to elicit a positive response.

Cold approaching a lot in rapid succession will get you known by local woman and noticed on social media. I live in a country where cold approach is even more frowned upon than the US so I learned to approach more tactfully.

I had a friend at university who'd approach random groups of women and say 'you guys must be best friends because you have the same facial expressions'. The problem was other girls would spot him out and shout 'omg it's the best friends guy'. He eventually learned to use different lines.

tadL · 2023-10-26T10:37:34+00:00

No. You are wrong. It does work.

There is a difference in delivering the cold approach. Learn it by practicing it.

Here is a tip for you zoomers out there. If it did not work stay friendly and ask what you did wrong. Worst case she says nothing.

Bright-Personality70 · 2023-10-26T11:31:10+00:00

Context dependant. I've hooked up and even LTRed guys who have cold approached at parties/clubs etc.

I was in a space where I wanted to meet new people and was open to talking to them. If the same men approached me at the super market or on the street it would have been a quick 'no'.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-10-26T13:20:12+00:00

Cold approach works if you're in the right environment and the woman finds you attractive. If a guy who looked like Henry Cavill walked up to random girls at a party, a few of them would be highly receptive to his advances.

If cold approach never works for you, you're probably not attractive enough. You're most likely a 6/10 or lower on the attractiveness scale if most women you talk to give you the cold shoulder.

Mr_KenSpeckle · 2023-10-26T19:26:34+00:00

It just depends on whether you are calibrated to the girl, the moment and the venue. Guys who think that cold approach or any other PUA technique is like a magic incantation that women are powerless to resist will be disappointed.

Game, properly understood, is simply psychological observations surrounding attraction that are then broken down into actionable steps. Cold approach is simply talking to someone you don’t already have a connection with because you might be interested.

For a lot of people, when they hear "cold approach", they think high-volume spam approaching with rehearsed lines. That's one kind of cold approach but it's not the only kind. You can be selective, if you want. You can be spontaneous. You can do it as you go about your regular day, so it doesn't have to be time-consuming. It doesn't have to be awkward. It's about being open to serendipity and if they don't all work out, who cares? Just be open to the universe without expectation.

Workaholiconew · 2023-10-27T15:54:09+00:00

Cold approach is the least likely method you have. It is supposed to be a last resort... what you do when you dont have warmer choices... like.. if you waiting a bus to meet a friend... you should be talking to the girl besides you... the loss is meaningless and it can be a gain, so do this.

Extension-Inside-826 · 2023-10-29T20:35:41+00:00

One guy had success after 500 times and acted like it was worth the time and effort 🤣🤣🤣

Rare-Emu-119 · 2023-10-30T02:53:08+00:00

Yeah it does. I’ve had a ton of sucess with it… day and night.

It’s just a pain in the ass.

Title	Cold approaching doesn’t work
Author	imuglyassin
Upvotes	45
Comments	242
Date	October 25, 2023 7:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17gcqzu/cold_approaching_doesnt_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cold-approaching-doesnt-work.1236339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236339

Comments