How many men actually prefer monogamy?

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-10-23T22:24:51+00:00

More than one relationship just sounds tiring and dramatic. Bleh.

KarmaChameleonian · 2021-10-23T23:58:34+00:00

The only men that prefer polygamy are the men that know they'll be getting more women. The average man (80% of men) prefer monogamy because it's more likely to secure him a partner

Cheap-Pound7001 · 2021-10-24T01:38:26+00:00

This man.

Hookup culture is trash.

VastlyVainVanity · 2021-10-23T23:03:41+00:00

If I had to guess, the "average man" wants to sleep around for a bit, but eventually have a serious monogamous relationship.

As for me, I don't enjoy the idea of hookups and find the idea of having one single woman for the rest of my life very beautiful and desirable.

I grew up seeing my mother getting cheated on by my father repeatedly, so I guess that had a severe impact on me. In the sense that I ended up despising the idea of being a guy who doesn't respect monogamy like my father didn't.

Anyway. It's hard to talk about what the "average man/woman" wants. But I believe that as long as a man's partner keeps having a normal libido, most men would be happy having just her for the rest of their lives. What I've heard happens, however, is that many women apparently have kids and their libido decreases a lot. I guess that may be why it became commonplace to think that it's more okay for men to cheat than it is for women?

betabucks666 · 2021-10-23T22:49:36+00:00

Men on here claim that sleeping around with as many women as possible is a 'male sexual prerogative' because of evo psych stuff they've read in red pill.

I think most guys totally just want monogamy and not get fucked over. most of them came to TRP cause they've been hurt in an LTR. they want to prevent that.

AceFlashheart · 2021-10-24T11:34:25+00:00

I dated two girls at the same time once... never again. The drama is a horror show.

The first relationship commandment is as follows: "Open relationships only work for gay men."

unfknblvbe · 2021-10-23T23:16:52+00:00

I would like a monogamous relationship with someone who was Crazy about me like genuine affection love and desire the same as i would want to feel about them

From what i have seen as far as relationships go its almost impossible to find and the thought of being settled for by someone is so gross to me that id rather avoid it altogether

lostwanderer28 · 2021-10-23T22:52:39+00:00

A poll would be nice. As far as I perceived, most men on here are after casual sex/hookups. A few of us are after a serious relationship.

Adadum · 2021-10-24T02:30:31+00:00

I legit prefer monogamy. Decent sex with a single girl I enjoy hanging out with is many times better than having ok sex with a bunch of hot women. A hot girl doesn't automatically make for good sex.

RepresentativeSwan1 · 2021-10-24T06:24:14+00:00

If 2 or more women were actually attracted to me at the same time, I’m pretty sure my mind would literally melt into goo.

I’d be happy with just having one who genuinely loves me.

LePengwino · 2021-10-23T22:58:16+00:00

Most men probably prefer it, especially ones that come from conservative-ish backgrounds.

Lifelong monogamy or serial monogamy would be the more interesting distinction, imv.

WilliamSaintAndre · 2021-10-24T00:41:53+00:00

I prefer monogamy. Sleeping around with multiple people is honestly terrible and unfulfilling.

Humans are also naturally monogamous. People like to imagine we're like bonobos or something because of shitty research done by hippies with an agenda in the 60's-90's, but almost through the entirety of human history there has been a preference for settling down with a single partner and the majority of cultural practices around the world reflect this. Harams and multiple simultaneous partners (as opposed to a series of monogamous relationships) is not the norm, so it fucks with the human psyche.

EDIT: Culture is a reflection of natural human behavior and psychology. These practices don't arise out of no where and giving examples like "oh this Sultan had a haram therefore all men want to have harams" is cherry picking.

tropicsGold · 2021-10-24T03:36:35+00:00

There is definitely programming deep in the animal part of our brain that seeks promiscuity, and there is genetic advantage to cheating, so there are provisions for that too. But the more advanced part of the brain is primarily directed to pair bonding, as monogamy is clearly the most important factor in the survival of children. This is true for both men and women.

In practice, almost everyone I know prefers monogamy. Even people screwing large numbers of women pretty quickly admit it is pretty empty and unfulfilling.

RepresentativeSwan1 · 2021-10-24T12:06:35+00:00

Or would it be a sort of 'main partner' with affairs on the side permitted arrangement?

Having a main bisexual woman who I explore other women with seems like the ideal to me.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-24T13:20:00+00:00

Less people than you imagine naturally prefer monogamy on an individual basis if presented with the ideal non- or extra-monogamous alternative that applies only to them and that they are in a position to exploit. This probably a lot more true of men in the extreme than of women, since if a woman gets her ideal mate, then her desire for sexual novelty just for the sake of it is much less than a man's.

But in reality a good monogamous relationship is usually the best alternative for most people in the position they are in.

And more importantly, the real reason for monogamy is a group societal choice. It's because of the advantages it provides despite the drawbacks, and all the problems it solves. This is what it was 'culturally' (and sometime state) enforced monogamy. You don't have to enforce what everyone wants and finds easy to abide by on an individual level.

lolomotif12 · 2021-10-23T22:55:39+00:00

The red pill isn't against monogamy, it teaches men to choose the right partner for monogamy and keep filtering through the wrong ones I.e. sleeping around.

If I'm single, I sleep around. If a woman ticks my boxes and shows enough green flags then I can choose to be monogamous with her.

I believe a good woman can impact a man's life positively, but its rare to find.

NockerJoe · 2021-10-24T01:30:59+00:00

Think about it this way: The norm used to be a single salaried job until retirement. Then benefits got chipped away and raises became non existant and suddenly the norm became moving job to job or just living in the gig economy with zero long term obligations.

Same shit. Most of the guys saying this shit about relationships where they do all the heavy lifting and the woman wants veto power on basically everything and basically any problem in the relationship defaults to being on him.

Its not really much wonder these men would rather just not play the game at all, because tjry aren't really getting as much out of it as they put in.

M3taBuster · 2021-10-24T03:19:54+00:00

I truly, genuinely, 100% prefer monogamy. Even if I was the hottest guy on earth and could get every girl I wanted, I'd still just match up with the hottest girl on earth (or the hottest one that I was otherwise compatible with).

Like, granted I was in love with my partner, even if I was attracted to another girl, the prospect of sleeping with her would not appeal to me because I know that I would be so consumed with guilt that it would outweigh any satisfaction I might get from it. Hell, even if my partner gave me express permission, I still wouldn't do it, and instead it would just bother me that my partner didn't want me all to herself.

SylvestorTalone · 2021-10-23T23:01:33+00:00

It's not an easy question to answer since it's very hard to tell how much of the male proclivity toward monogamy is a matter of neccessity and how much is choice. I'll tell you I've been to places where exactly the situation you describe is normal, that being marriage but with affairs permitted on the side (usually this means prostitution). In cultures where this is accepted it seems the majority of men avail themselves, as might be expected.

I think anyone giving you an actual figure is just guessing.

flowerwoven · 2021-10-23T23:28:19+00:00

All of them.

TheRedPillRipper · 2021-10-24T00:17:48+00:00

does the average man actually want one partner?

The Disney Narrative worked on both women, and men. The King of the Castle. Prince Charming. All those notions of chivalry, honour and nobility were powerful motivators. That still influence men today. How far reaching that is in creating monogamous men? I’d say still quite influential. Percentage wise at the very least 50% of men, would prefer monogamy.

Godspeed and good luck!

TheHeroReditDeserves · 2021-10-24T02:00:25+00:00

more women more problems. I don't know how some of these people have the time a lot of the shit they most sounds exhausting.

CamelCitySlacker · 2021-10-24T02:54:37+00:00

Polygamy/Polyamory is way too exhausting IMO.

Dealing with one romantic partner was hard enough back when I did that and she was easy to get along with. We had a good relationship with its ups and downs and split because we wanted to go different places after we graduated and we could see that it wouldn’t work anymore after that.

Even in the chill environment of high school where we didn’t have to prove anything to anyone or have stressful lives, it was very tiring to maintain the relationship.

With working full time and coming home tired at the end of day wanting nothing more than to relax and work some hobbies, I can’t imagine having to deal with multiple partners.

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-10-24T09:55:33+00:00

They say a man is as loyal as his options. Not sure if it's true, but i can imagine that for most men the ideal would be to have one main and maybe some side hassle with no strings attached.

Personally, for me, one woman is more then enough.

harold_shipman_gp · 2021-10-24T10:34:04+00:00

I much prefer monogamy for the emotional closeness and friendship it provides.

Even when I have slept around in the past, it was out of necessity - not choice. My romantic experience differs from the PPD norm in that I have always found it very easy to get casual partners, but quite difficult to find a woman who just wants to be with one man.

Casual encounters - to me - are empty and nerve-wracking. You don't have the best sex or have the most enjoyable time with a stranger, or someone who you know is fucking 5 other guys.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-10-24T01:29:43+00:00

When I was younger and thought that marriage and commitment was based on love I did. Then I learned that marriage was a financial contract and commitment was based on how many hoops the man could jump through everyday to ensure that she isn't bored. That, Tom Leykis and watching men get divorce raped into oblivion cured me of the delusion that love had anything to do with it.

wtknight · 2021-10-23T22:56:31+00:00

I think that most men would have harems if they could. That's what men with large amounts of power have done throughout history.

Speaker7 · 2021-10-23T23:21:13+00:00

Yes that's commonly stated as being the Male Sexual Imperative. It's our instinct uninformed by anything other than biology. Luckily, our wants and desires are shaped by things other than instinct. Biology is the single greatest influencer on our behavior, as it sets the initial conditions, but it doesn't have the final word in what we'll do.

kblkbl165 · 2021-10-24T02:18:01+00:00

I prefer monogamy, but will only feel secure doing so with a girl who is mindful about not reciprocating interest from other males.

In my experience most girls these days want monogamy with the option to still respond to guys who slide in their DM’s, dress provocatively, give their number out, etc etc etc and any effort to curtail this freedom is deemed controlling.

Women largely experience desire responsively, guys tend to experience desire spontaneously (actively). If girls generally want to be free to be responsive to other guys, then the only reciprocal move for guys is to generally be spontaneous (active) in maintaining other options.

If you want commitment, offer commitment. Honest, symmetrical commitment. Don’t expect men to give up actioning their (spontaneous) desire if you aren’t willing to give up actioning your (responsive) desire.

Once again, this is a macro level manifestation of the micro level fact that girls are not critically evaluating their own sexuality and engaging with it mindfully. Feral sexuality is toxic, whether it’s masculine or feminine. This is just another example of how feral femininity is hugely contributing to our toxic dating culture.

TheMailmanic · 2021-10-24T00:01:25+00:00

From a purely animalistic perspective I want to fuck as many attractive women as I can

But from an intellectual and emotional perspective I also want to reduce my chances of catching an std and also build deeper relationships with people

So I try to find a balance

DuracelMaxSquared · 2021-10-24T01:34:53+00:00

God created sex for within monogamous marriage, and that is what I desire.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-23T22:44:25+00:00

I think most men prefer monogamy but just at different times in their lives. Some guys just want one relationship and some guys want to sleep around while keeping an eye out for a compatible woman.

Scarypaperplates · 2021-10-23T23:36:02+00:00

The top 15-20% of guys that are playboys (not necessarily chads but playboys) probably don’t prefer monogamy till they are ready to settle down and delusional blue pilled liberals will profess against their own interests that they are for female sexual liberation but the rest of men would prefer monogamy.

Me personally that’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I also want a woman who hasn’t slept with every Tom, Dick, and Harry too.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2021-10-24T05:34:56+00:00

My experience has pretty much been just monogamy. I know I have the emotional capacity for more - I can love and care for more than one woman, and I could enjoy unattached flings and still come back to the woman(women) I love. A harem would be awesome.

HOWEVER, there ain't enough time in a day! I'm amazed when people say "I've got 4 partners and might be adding a fifth." Like, do you not have to work?? Plus, I'm not a rich/high statused Chad who could legitimately demand my women not have sex with other men. So when a past ex actually wanted to have an open relationship, I said no. It would've disgusted me to know that she was having sex with others, (which she ended up doing anyway, so I had to dump that cheating hussy(and hence from now on I take it as a red flag if a woman asks for an open relationship)), plus, it would've felt unfair that her options would've far exceeded mine, as she was approximately a 9/10.

TLDR, yes, I imagine many men would enjoy polygamy of some sort; I think there's definitely a biological basis there. But realistically, most don't have the time/money/attractiveness. And even though our eyes may wander, we can still be totally monogamous and enjoy it if she's ticking off the right boxes and if she'll be a good mother.

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DiamondLilyD · 2021-10-23T23:07:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JALopo1 · 2021-10-24T00:46:24+00:00

This has been criticised since women can only get pregnant around 15% of the time in a month, so sleeping around would likely not result in conception anyway.

This argument only works if you compare a man having ons vs a monogamous relationship. If you had a harem then you could produce way more kids than in a monogamous marriage.

Murphysmongoose · 2021-10-24T02:01:52+00:00

I still think the majority do, and have always preferred relationships myself. If we get along great, and I can happily sleep with you... Why do I need another woman? It's mission accomplished.

decoy88 · 2021-10-24T02:56:25+00:00

Most men do. Inexperienced dudes crave the glitz and glamour.

Whale_Song_Genres · 2021-10-24T04:44:39+00:00

I prefer it.

gaivsjvlivscaesar · 2021-10-24T04:55:14+00:00

Yea i prefer monogamy way more than promiscuity or polygamy

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-24T04:57:19+00:00

Not me, that's why I made it clear to my girl now that while I'm not just going to slut around because I think rampant promiscuity is a No-No, I just think it's smart to always let them know that I have no plans of promising 100% monogamy, life is too short

DaphneDK42 · 2021-10-24T06:01:50+00:00

Men prefer polygamy. Multiple partners that are true to him. Since that is mathematically impossible for the vast majority of men, they settle for monogamy or promiscuity.

NUKE_DEMOCRACY · 2021-10-24T06:05:01+00:00

"partner" and "fuck buddy" are very different things. I'd bet all men would wanna fuck around if they could, but only the top chads have that option

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-24T06:34:55+00:00

I am married now but if I were to do it all over again, I would probably have a primary girlfriend and a bunch of side girls. I would also insist that any woman I am with also has another man in her life. People were not really meant to be monogamous. Sex gets boring to nonexistent after about 6 months to a year. I don't really like how this sub paints men as desperate losers who would be fortunate enough to smell a pussy once a year but I've had plenty of relationships and it's usually been me, the male, who gets bored of them first.

Jakes1967 · 2021-10-24T06:51:46+00:00

Personally in my experience, the vast majority of men want monogamy.

This does however change, dependant on the man's experience.

akticker · 2021-10-24T08:18:52+00:00

I would much rather have one partner. Then sleeping around with a bunch of women

AreOut · 2021-10-24T09:10:30+00:00

Being monogamous is easy if only one girl wants you. The problem is if other girls see you are liked by one girl they will also start liking you.

cunningcaring · 2021-10-24T10:59:24+00:00

I prefer monogamy. Time, energy, money all favor one partner.

And_Rue · 2021-10-24T12:46:03+00:00

I prefer monogamy on an ethical level. Although I subscribe to many of the ideas of the redpill, the thing that separates humans from animals is our ability to form conscious thought and reflect on our actions. While you could see polygamy and having multiple wives as a benefit for biological purposes, how do you rationalize pursuing something in the name of insecurity (proving that you're a real man) or out of pleasure (sex is fun! sex is enjoyable)? How does it actually benefit you, realistically? Does it lead to more meaningful relationships? Does it lead to better adjusted children?

The point is, many men, that are capable are drawn to the allures of having multiple women. But, once they're able to obtain them, it doesn't seem to be worth the effort. To be fair, however, in today's day and age, I have trouble wrestling with the fact that I consider most every woman I try to date to not be worth the effort. What are they adding to my life beyond having a separate career, and having the same insipid, socially-acceptable beliefs about equality? Yawn.

Rubberrobbb · 2021-10-24T15:06:19+00:00

Prefer to what exactly

Mark_Freed · 2021-10-24T16:42:55+00:00

The logistics, drama in the harem make multiple partners unrealistic. If I was a king and could outsource this work then I guess multiple partners sounds fun. I think it would end up being a serial monogamy with me crushing on a girl and then moving onto the next crush when I was bored.

I honestly don't know... In reality considering all the constraints my value, desire for kids, monogamy sounds like my best bet.

herefortheparty01 · 2021-10-24T16:44:13+00:00

Most of the men in my life want monogamy

YveisGrey · 2021-10-24T22:53:05+00:00

Based on the evo pysch theory the prolific male would have many wives not just sex with randos. Having consistent sex is pretty necessary to cause pregnancy since as you mentioned chances for pregnancy are low and women have hidden ovulation. Human offspring are also quite vulnerable leaving a pregnant woman stranded is not likely to result in any kid either unless someone else takes care of that woman and child. So best would be a man having many “wives”, worst would be no “wife” monogamy is the happy medium also most men cannot afford to invest into multiple women and children they just don’t have the wealth that would require so just like women have to be selective with who they have sex with men have to be selective with who they invest in if anything a man can always marry a woman and have some hidden affairs again even that would be better than having no wife and bunch of hook ups with promiscuous females.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-10-24T23:36:59+00:00

I don't prefer it, but I wish I did.

SnuffFilmStar · 2021-10-25T03:29:48+00:00

It's just best to have a share of multiple women like you have an investment portfolio rather than get over-invested. Buy and sell as you go along. Women follow the Business Life Cycle pretty much, so might as well treat them like stocks when it comes to dating. You'll have multiple holdings and another guy will too, you may have the same holdings as another guy. However, there's no emotions really involved since you are diversified.

Would you buy and hold stock in only company for the rest of your life and let that one company determine your financial future? I don't think so.

Right now, women are greatly overvalued.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-10-25T05:03:28+00:00

I think most men want to be genuinely loved but prefer fucking a lot of women than no having sex with a wife who doesn't show interest in them

AggroWeasel · 2021-10-25T13:37:15+00:00

I don’t believe many (any?) men want monogamy.

It’s so boring seeing the same woman naked, having sex with the same woman.

The main reason most men choose monogamy is that they simply can’t get sex from a variety of women.

Do you really think there is any man on the face of the earth who wants to have sex with only one woman the rest of his life?

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-25T16:53:24+00:00

Every single one of us. But if we can’t find what we want in one person, we’ll use multiple people…

we do it in parallel… women do it in series

Lameador · 2021-10-25T19:07:23+00:00

People like monogamy the same way they like speed limits, taxes or the criminalization of violence. It's not that people savor being monogamous, more like they enjoy the fact that these restrictions (that they accept for themselves) are also applied and enforced on others. And that the wide enforcment of those rules have very positive social consequences that a majority prefers.

bubble_gummmmm · 2021-10-26T06:17:27+00:00

If sex was easier to obtain as a man, yes, i think large part of the male population would prefer to just fuck around, especially the young ones. But is not realistic to get casual sex for the average man, so "monogamy" seems more logical

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-10-26T18:03:36+00:00

Whether for children or fun, does the average man actually want one partner?

I think the "average" guy certainly does. Joe Average wants to retreat into marriage, thinking he has a ready source of pussy, and if he has to give up his (mostly non-existent) options, then he's willing to make that trade.

Or would having multiple be preferable?

I like to have between 3 and 5. I have twice had relationships with 2 women simultaneously who knew about each other and would engage in threeways. Two were roommates and the other two became roommates.

Or would it be a sort of 'main partner' with affairs on the side permitted arrangement?

^ This isn't my thing. There are women who will try to negotiate it because they think it gives them "status" with you, but I prefer co-equals on the distaff side.

I should add that I am up front from the beginning that I don't date monogamously. /shrugs

What do you think the percentage preferring the above options is?

Anyone average or below typically is happy with one woman because the pain of not getting laid can be alleviated by that one woman. Ofc, then you have one woman deciding whether you fuck or not.

Khanluka · 2021-11-02T20:42:29+00:00

Having to be a good partner to more then one person wot cause me so much stress i think i break from the stress. In mind it woot be like dont mix them up dont mix them please dont mix them up.

Davegvg · 2021-11-04T04:42:45+00:00

Im rich, travel a lot, and spend lots of time around beautiful women all over the world.

Im one of the rare guys that has a hall pass. I've never felt the desire to play the card.

If I didnt get what I needed from my wife i'd play around. I do though.

I have complex needs that so far only my wife can fulfill. She knows just how to do all the things I want and need, and does them perfectly. It took a long time to get there.

I get it better at home that I have with anyone else so I find myself wanting to keep coming home despite that pass.

I dont have much patience or desire to train another woman, and "just getting laid" isnt a big deal.

NorCal_Classy_BBC · 2021-10-23T22:33:41+00:00

This a a simple, straight forward question but the answer needs a bit of nuance. At 19, I needed more than one, I didn't want flings, but actual caring girlfriends, just more than one or two.

Now, decades later, I'm ready now to settle down and be monogamous with a younger but mature woman, who I could spoil, and have a family with. Maybe for some guys, its a question of maturity. Maybe some guys mature later in this area than others. Monogamy is probably the best way but I honestly don't think that everyone can handle it.

nick1812216 · 2021-10-23T23:30:48+00:00

It’s difficult to have a preference with no experience

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2021-10-23T23:35:08+00:00

Zero

old_wise_man_ · 2021-10-23T23:45:16+00:00

If one relationship is so tiring…. imagine having 4….Just wow. if it were relationships and harem like anime, like you can have an Akeno, An Esdeath, a Lana, a Kira….then hell yeah. Since we have to be content with real women, one is more than enough.

AbuJavascript · 2021-10-24T06:00:14+00:00

I have no clue why men are saying they prefer monogamy. Every time I have one woman, I want more women. It's very simple. I don't buy any of the men who say they prefer monogamy - it's probably a cope of some kind.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-10-24T06:56:25+00:00

TRP says monogamy isn't viable anymore because women are non-monogamous until they "settle down" and lose interest in sex.

This has been criticised since women can only get pregnant around 15% of the time in a month, so sleeping around would likely not result in conception anyway.

Women actually go for high frequency sex with a guy then lose interest, so TRP says to "spin plates".

Title	How many men actually prefer monogamy?
Author	DiamondLilyD
Upvotes	40
Comments	205
Date	October 23, 2021 10:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qeez08/how_many_men_actually_prefer_monogamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-many-men-actually-prefer-monogamy.1082202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082202

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