if you can't get a woman to be your friend, you'll never be able to hold a woman down in a relationship

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-07-12T15:23:18+00:00

I suppose I agree with the headline, but this isn't inversely proportional as you seem to be implying. I have not trouble being friends with women. Doesn't equate to relationships or sex somehow, either with them or other women.

NockerJoe · 2022-07-12T15:26:25+00:00

Making female friends is almost never the issue. Basically every terminally single guy I have ever has spent most of their life in mixed friend groups, its just none of those female friends ever wanted to be anything other than friends, or else they couldn't successfully navigate going from one to the other. It turns out being seen as a friend and being seen as a partner are drastically different skillsets

NelsonManswella · 2022-07-12T20:11:01+00:00

the problem isn’t making friends with women, it’s women never seeing me as more 😎

jefferyogloc · 2022-07-12T15:14:49+00:00

Uhhh... I've had plenty of successful relationships without ever having had a female friend. Theory debunked, you're welcome

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2022-07-12T18:00:07+00:00

No way. The men in the friend zone have no reasonable chance in becoming anything more.

Pilling_it · 2022-07-12T15:53:31+00:00

if you can't get a woman to be your friend, you'll never be able to hold a woman down in a relationship

Friend is a term thrown around way too much for me to take it as is. Is it needed to be purely platonic ? What level of platonic closeness is required then ? In my experience it all depends on the interpersonal interaction, which is why people will always put a meaning on the word but never actually agree to what it means.

in general, you just have to be comforting and respectable, if you can't do this with just a friend, good luck doing it in a relationship (or getting in one).

I get what you mean, but the message you're conveying there is that what you do to get a friend and a lover are the same thing, and this kind of confusion is exactly why nice guys are a thing in the first place.

I'll agree that seeing how the man interact with women in other settings can get you information that will be a red or green flag, but it's very bad advice to remotely compare the social skills required for each instances, because they are extremely different.

Peacesquad · 2022-07-12T17:34:01+00:00

Sounds like friendzoning. I’ve seen women use male friends for so much utility(attention, time, a free ride or more, etc) and guys are just stuck there miserable as shit for no reason

Hoopy223 · 2022-07-12T17:22:17+00:00

My parents have been married for 30 years and my father has no woman friends. Where do you guys come up with this stuff lmao.

Cobra_x30 · 2022-07-12T16:27:53+00:00

While this does apply to a small portion of men, it doesn't really explain anything because most women have shagged a guy with at least one of these issues... often times all of these issues at once. Bringing it up is just obfuscation as to the real issue.

Ive been in the Red Pill community for 15 years or more and the vast majority of boys who come to us with women struggles have all of these skills, plus many more. Their primary issues are lack of confidence and fear of their own sexuality. You have no idea how many guys come to us who are head over heels for some female friend who is constantly dating abusive asshole type guys. Because they listen to fools like you, they can't understand why said ladyfreind will talk to them for hours and then go shag the guy who verbally abuses her.

Best_Illustrator_137 · 2022-07-12T20:33:38+00:00

No you don’t, being friends with a woman and being sexual are two different things. You should know all that delicate crap already it’s kind of just common sense. No, you don’t have to be friends with women to get them, you just gotta know how to spit game to a woman.

catchtowards12345 · 2022-07-12T15:09:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SmakeTalk · 2022-07-12T16:53:28+00:00

I think this depends on the type of women you want to be with romantically - I love being with and around women who want a best friend and a lover, so this applies to me especially.

If someone wants to be with a more traditionally-minded woman though, so judgment here, and this probably doesn't apply. They want to be friends with just other men, and they want a woman who's only friends with other women.

Again, not my type of dynamic/relationship, but for some people that's appealing and that's okay, they just can't also expect for their pool of potential partners to still be extremely wide.

Otfd · 2022-07-12T17:45:32+00:00

Not really, I have had plenty of girlfriends/sex and hardly had female friends outside of girls that were just apart of the group not like actual friends though.

slavicslothe · 2022-07-12T20:21:13+00:00

Delicate 😂 My best friend is a woman and we are brutal to eachother.

rootsnyder · 2022-07-12T22:07:15+00:00

"for example, with most women you kind of have to be delicate in a way and very understanding. you can't be overbearing. you must be able to have vulnerable conversations without being judgmental, force your opinion on them, or be condescending"

What an absolutely ridiculous assumption you are trying to construe as fact. Men build better relationships and friendships with women by being masculine and not being any of what you have just described. Everything you described will immediately make women incredibly unattracted to you on a romantic scale, and EXTREMELY unnatracted to you sexually.

In a friendship with a woman these behaviors will seem annoying at best and at worse full on "Nice Guy" she will walk all over you.

I honestly do not understand how many scientific studies have to be published on womens attraction to dark triad personality traits for bluepilled men to get this in their head.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2022-07-12T15:15:18+00:00

Then when you get into a relationship she doesn't want you to have any female friends.

So you spend all this time learning how to become friends with all women just so that when you start dating one you have to throw all that away for her. lol

Getting a lover and a friend are not the same things.

You can be abysmal at making friends yet you can be a good lover. Likewise you can not be a lover at all and still have an army of female friends.

You do not have to be vulnerable to women when you talk to them if you're already being non-judgemental.

The way in which you describe women as some sort of puzzle box reminds me heavily of this other puzzle box where you get an anti-prize for solving it. Never solve the box!

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-07-12T15:53:31+00:00

Why would I want to be friends with a woman

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-07-12T20:46:04+00:00

Nice guy syndrome: If I become friends with woman, I can hold a woman down.

Reference: www.goodreads.com/book/show/97642.No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-07-12T19:31:30+00:00

I agree that maintaining friendships with women requires many of the same traits as having a successful relationship with a woman. After all, a relationship really is a friendship with an additional sexual element. However, I disagree that men cannot develop those traits. Anyone can learn to be more understanding, less condescending, overbearing, etc. All of that is learned behavior that can be unlearned.

2022-07-12T21:22:18+00:00

That depends if she is your orbiter or your hers. Lol.

wingsofaphoenix · 2022-07-12T21:27:48+00:00

Finally a PPD statement I can wholeheartedly agree with. Thanks OP!

Tripping_on_100 · 2022-07-13T00:31:20+00:00

Some men dont want to be fake. The only real reason a man is "friends" with a woman is because he wants to fuck. Period. Desiring to Being a platonic friend with a woman is complete bullshit. You are only around her so you can fuck. The proof is that OP conflates "relationship" with "friends".

roughback · 2022-07-13T11:22:11+00:00

I think back to all the female friends I ever had and they all were either unattractive to me, very attractive and so far out of my league I didn't kid myself, or partnered up with an absolute beast of a man that i knew would totally wreck me in a one off.

i provided value, and my lack of any fucks made it easy to become friendly with them. the same factors that made me content to be friends with them also limited our interactions, ironically enough I wasn't willing to go the extra mile at all because of the "glass ceiling" that was on our relationship.

for example, if one of them asks me what I'm doing for the weekend I wouldn't try to make it sound interesting like "oh there's a street fair or I might be in town for this event" I'd just be like "nothing might Netflix it real hard and eat half this leftover cake I have"

which would be OK because we had no potential, because of how things were.

friendly.

decoy88 · 2022-07-12T15:30:44+00:00

Disagree.

There are many women that cannot relate to a man outside of a romantic or sexual context. These women are perfect for men that cannot relate to a woman outside of romantic or sexual context.

sarkington · 2022-07-12T15:08:50+00:00

Some don’t care to have relationships 🤷‍♀️

gofigure62 · 2022-07-12T15:20:54+00:00

There are many types of women out there that will date any kind of men.

There are men who are married to women, and these men do not like women and are not sexually attracted to women. The dynamics in which people have sex and romantically pair isn't always healthy, practical, or functional.

The general population that skews on average will avoid and be turned off by dysfunctional/isolated people.

However, there are enough dysfunctional and isolated people to share one another romantically and sexually.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-07-12T15:16:56+00:00

I'm friends and aquantances with a lot of women online and in person but I don't fancy any of them. In life I tend to put people in different boxes and never mix them up.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-12T15:39:09+00:00

Wrong I’ve fucked bitches through OLD after 2-3 messages

You lose

Hate-Swallows · 2022-07-12T15:33:23+00:00

I do agree with that, i'd just like to add that starting off as friends is the optimal tactic to get a virgin girlfriend.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-07-12T22:02:38+00:00

This is based on a false premise that romance with a girl and friendship with a girl are relatively similar. They are two entirely different things that require different actions and social skills.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2022-07-13T00:53:05+00:00

Lol. That's the highway to the friendzone.

You'll have a relationship all right: the useful friend.

The thing is, men want romantic relationship with women who are willing to have sex with them. Contrary o what women and blue pill media say, women are not willing to have sex with someone exhibiting all the characteristics OP is listing. That's the role of her gay friend.

Women like gay friends because they can use these men without having to hint or offer sex (because well, gay). They'll say they'd want a mate who is like their gay best friend, but women are lying about that. Everyone can see who they're really sleeping with.

If you want to have sex vicariously with a woman, follow OP's advice. Stuck in the friendzone until she crashes into the wall, and then maybe, you'll be invited to the leftovers.

Specialist_Heat6001 · 2022-07-12T16:53:34+00:00

Hypergamy us the harsh truth

AreOut · 2022-07-12T17:00:30+00:00

sorry but I don't want to have to be anything just to be friends with someone, if they consider me a bad person because I hold a certain view about intersexual relations then they are free to find those who can't think for themselves

BumblingBeta · 2022-07-12T19:58:01+00:00

So women's feelings get hurt more easily and you have to tread on eggshells around them?

Fuck that dude! A Chad doesn't have to worry about that. So it all comes down to looks.

jefferyogloc · 2022-07-12T16:10:02+00:00

Chad just sprained his ankle while computing the 80/20 ratio during a hypergamous arithmetic class.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2022-07-12T16:32:57+00:00

I’d rather that had raw sexual attraction for me from the start

2022-07-12T20:40:15+00:00

This is a lie I've literally never had woman friends in my life and I don't want them, I've had zero trouble with women. I like having one woman in a partner dynamic that I know I can count on but being surrounded by them sounds awful.

Men should seek out other likeminded men to be friends with, the big thing with male friendship is accountability and mutual self improvement.

sew1tseams · 2022-07-12T22:02:49+00:00

I realized a while ago all my male friends (and most successful partnerships) have had at least one sister. I think they learn how to talk to women early and be a good friend in general

crispickle · 2022-07-12T23:43:01+00:00

Just be an emotional tampon bro! Just listen to her cry about why chad didn't commit and you'll get your turn soon bro i promise...

WingLeviosa · 2022-07-13T00:17:24+00:00

Why the eff do you want a woman as a friend?!

Ohmaygahh · 2022-07-12T16:28:27+00:00

A man has to be so ......... neutered. It just isn't fun being that passive and lame to accommodate women's sensibilities.

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jefferyogloc · 2022-07-12T19:08:59+00:00

Fairly easy to think about guys who almost entirely hangout with other men and yet are in relationships: any guy in a high-level sports team, and any guy in the military. Odds are high that they have no close female friends due to their lives being consumed by their activity.

Pretty sure they have girlfriends though

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2022-07-12T21:23:28+00:00

I can’t really say if I agree with this. I’m married and have women friends, but I’m never really any different than I am to my male friends. Unless I am without realizing it. But I don’t think this is anything more than some generic statements.

ALexusOhHaiNyan · 2022-07-13T01:49:05+00:00

Eh, I don’t as the sensitive type that had lots of female friends because all that stuff came easy.

It’s when you want to get laid things get confusing. You’re showing them how sensitive you can be and they’re not interested. That’s when you start getting the feeling that you’ve been lied to.

1par · 2022-07-13T02:39:25+00:00

Cool. I will never be in relationship with men. The best thing I realised today

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2022-07-13T03:11:40+00:00

Conversely, I have a bunch of female friends, but will never have a sexual relationship with them. I road trip, share rooms, beds, and bathrooms with them, and it will not go further.

Going from lover to friend is the most heart wrenching thing anyone should ever endure!😢

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2022-07-13T03:17:12+00:00

for example, with most women you kind of have to be delicate in a way and very understanding. you can't be overbearing. you must be able to have vulnerable conversations without being judgmental, force your opinion on them, or be condescending

First off,why? Why is it on me,or anyone, to be delicate, wtf?, understanding, well to a point.

Not be overbearing, judgemental,and not force my opinion on anyone or be condescending? Not that I vehemently disagree with those things, but you know how many people I've had do one or a few mix of those things to me? Plenty.

My point is to not go around and do those things, but why is it always on I/you/me/they/them to be the ones to "set the right example","do the right thing", "be the bigger person" etc. Why not ever tell the other people doing those things they have to cut the shit themselves?

Not forcing your opinion on anyone? Well, yeah, but uh where you been for a while? That's what people do more than not.

Vulnerable? How vulnerable? Uh there is such thing as telling or letting out too much at once. Plus shit can be thrown back or held against you. I kind of ish went through something like that with someone recently, and well, it's why the first girl I slept with dumped me. I couldn't shut up about my insecurities and was "vulnerable" and she'd had enough by then.

2022-07-13T03:27:14+00:00

I'll state my opinion on female friends, as a guy who for some reason, gets along well with more attractive women, but less attractive women have this bizarre behavior towards me, which I'm trying to figure out.

If I have some female friends, two things eventually become inevitable:

1) They become interested (more attractive women do this)

2) They become abusive, mean, start using emasculating language, calling me "buddy," etc. (less attractive women do this)

Honestly? I don't think it's possible for men and women to be true friends for this reason.

KayRay1994 · 2022-07-13T03:32:22+00:00

I’ve said this before and i’ll say it again - not having friends of the opposite gender is as much of a red flag to me as not having friends of the same gender

jefferyogloc · 2022-07-13T04:06:48+00:00

What does "hold a woman down in a relationship" mean? I've never heard this phrase before.

majani · 2022-07-13T04:25:46+00:00

If this was the case, then Muslim relationship failure rate should be 100%. Don't be an orbiter guys

Film2021 · 2022-07-13T09:40:37+00:00

As a straight man who has had a lot of success with women, both platonically and romantically, this is absolutely true. (I’ve had one night stands, multiple three/four year relationships, and I was once the ONLY male invited to a beach house for a week with literally more than 12 young women.)

Women like to feel COMFORTABLE and SAFE around men. That’s all it is. If you can provide that relaxed atmosphere as a man, women will want to be around you. To be fair though, I think most women who are even remotely good looking want their guy friends to be above average in attractiveness.

Oklahomasucksass · 2022-07-13T09:51:26+00:00

Yes this is dumb

Longjumping-Mall-395 · 2022-07-13T11:08:48+00:00

Genuine question, what would be the point of a man befriending a woman? Aside from trying to pursue a relationship or business opportunity?

Are men suppose to befriend women just to learn how to have a meaningful relationship with one? What about female relatives (mom , sister, aunt?) that can give them a better insight without shying away or without being afraid to be judged.

Seriously though I really want to know

TesticalDefibrillate · 2022-07-13T13:50:49+00:00

Nah. Women always fuck chad regardless of anything. It’s as predictable as gravity.

I know cause I’ve been chad. I’ve fucked most of a friend group multiple times with impunity.

PIBagent · 2022-07-13T14:30:44+00:00

you must be able to have vulnerable conversations without being judgmental

There are a lot of women who can't even do that.

It's why you often hear about guys not being vulnerable with their partner because they fear it'll get thrown back in their face at the first sign of a fight.

2022-07-13T15:28:47+00:00

If all you know how to do is be friends with a woman, you'll never be able to hold a woman down in a relationship, or even get one into bed.

I know a few 40-year-old virgin types and they have all manner of female friends.

They are interested in relationships (or sex) with any one of them, but it will never happen.

The reality is, what's important is differentiating yourself from being "just a friend".

2022-07-14T00:25:58+00:00

Many men dont know you are supposed to actually like the women you are dating

hsvgamer199 · 2022-07-15T00:55:06+00:00

The only women that I know are acquaintances from work. In retrospect I've never really had female friends. Reading through all these responses it looks like female friends wouldn't help my dating life. Interesting food for thought.

Title	if you can't get a woman to be your friend, you'll never be able to hold a woman down in a relationship
Author	jefferyogloc
Upvotes	161
Comments	338
Date	July 12, 2022 2:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vxc9xl/if_you_cant_get_a_woman_to_be_your_friend_youll/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-cant-get-a-woman-to-be-your-friend-youll.1123046 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123046

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