Why so many rules when it comes to approaching girls? Like “oh don’t approach them at the gym” “don’t approach them in the streets” why so many rules?

Successful_Teach366 · 2022-07-24T19:51:05+00:00

The shittier your social skills, the more rules

_Presence_ · 2022-07-24T20:13:59+00:00

So the other week, there was a guy AGGRESSIVELY approaching multiple girls in the community centre gym. When the women were very clearly trying to walk away, he would continue to hound them. Some of the girls went to the staff (I’m friends with one of the staff who told me about the incident) to complain (one girl in tears it was so bad). The police were called, he was escorted out and banned.

For obvious reasons, don’t be this guy.

If you approach in the gym, be very mindful of verbal and non-verbal cues to see if there is any reciprocation or if she’s just there to workout and get out (or just not that into you). I’ve seen women approach guys in the gym. There is no “rule” per se. But like others have said, if you don’t see reciprocation pretty quick, move on.

PenguinLegos · 2022-07-24T16:50:53+00:00

Generally speaking. There are no rules. You don’t have to do anything that people say. You can go out and try at the gym. The problem is that you have to understand that it has to be natural wherever you approach. If it’s the gym then it has be natural interest or some kind of compliment that gives you a reason to approach.

The gym is a very tricky spot because women are there with skin tight clothes. Everyone’s sweaty and everyone’s working out. It’s a pretty dangerous area when it comes to trying to get a number. But if you play it cool and are a decent person who has decent social skills and aren’t weird. Then there’s really no place you can’t try.

dirtythirty1864 · 2022-07-24T21:41:18+00:00

Because sexual harassment exists and scumbags ruined things for everyone else.

coming2grips · 2022-07-25T02:02:08+00:00

most of these you have quoted are just examples of poor wording.
try this instead:

"Don't be a creep when you approach girls"
and
"save your approaches for people who aren't focused on other things"
and
"People are more receptive to advances when they are already in a situation where they anticipate being approached"

But be aware, even these examples have caveats. Basically being a douchebag doesn't help your game.

cass2769 · 2022-07-25T02:31:03+00:00

Many women do not appreciate being approached in their day to day life such as walking down the street or in the gym. And many women feel unsafe when they are approached in this manner.

If you want to have success with women, choosing a time and place where they will not mind being approached is key…if you approach at the gym for example you are likely to be viewed as a creep or overly aggressive or a threat to a woman’s safety

Evaporate3 · 2022-07-24T18:48:33+00:00

They do make sense. When I work out, I am in a zone. The gym is a place where I visit regularly and I don’t want to eat where I shit. I don’t want an ex to be at the same gym. There are so many reasons.

devilkingx2 · 2022-07-24T17:45:50+00:00

Some of these rules are from experience. They'll protect you from getting into trouble or drama or from wasting your time and burning out.

Some of those rules are made by people who aren't trying to get you laid, they've got some other irrelevant motive.

For example, not cold approaching in a place that's important to you is a good rule for protection, you don't want to get complaints at your gym and get kicked out.

Not cold approaching a girl who looks angry and is wearing headphones is a good idea to not get a harsh rejection that ruins your mood.

If someone tells you not to approach hot girls because they're too good for random guys, that's a limiting belief/player hating, not good advice.

Be careful of advice that would only work for top 10% alpha males, or that's focused on what would be convenient for someone other than you.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-07-24T17:35:57+00:00

The rules are one massive societal shit test. They exist purely to filter out undesirable males.

No woman has ever complained about meeting a great guy, no matter where she met him. They only ever complain about the guys they didn't like.

The key is the guy, not the place. That's why there is a "do not approach" rule for every place.

Mundane-Currency5088 · 2022-07-24T19:48:20+00:00

Just dont give advice unless she asks and keep it light and casual. Build relationships with the women there and they will actually help you. Whenever women I know talk excitedly about meeting a guy at the gym it's because he was casual and kind, they had a few short pleasant conversations/interactions over a period of time leading up to the girl asking the guy more personal information to see if he is interested or just treating her like a person. The problem is that men often do not treat women like people, get direct about their body, follow them around, stare at your ass when on a machine etc. Creepers ruined it for everyone. Now most women are on guard at the gym.

Belerofontes · 2022-07-24T16:19:48+00:00

Pretty sure the guys who came up with these rules don't get laid

Se7ens_up · 2022-07-24T17:55:34+00:00

The problem isnt approaching a girl at the gym. The issue is approaching her in the same manner you would approach a girl at a bar. Better to be more casual.

Last thing you want to do is be too pushy and come off weird since youll likely be seeing her again. But if you have a few conversations, feel out the vibe then theres absolutely nothing wrong asking her out.

celluloidchrome7v · 2022-07-24T18:48:27+00:00

If the vibes are right, any place is a pick up place.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-07-24T19:52:23+00:00

Bro, go do it and find out, you never know it may work out for you.

ProFriendZoner · 2022-07-24T23:07:55+00:00

Successful people don't follow the rules.

zeliew · 2022-07-25T09:17:27+00:00

I think something men dont realise is how much they can (unconsciously) make us feel uncomfortable. I’ve observed that some men don’t really get the hint when a girl is uncomfortable, and keep on digging their own grave instead of leaving them alone, or changing their attitude. This video https://youtu.be/otYupxFlQpE is a perfect example of it. If you’re a guy, you should really watch it. The guy in the video is nice and doesn’t have bad intentions, but he can’t read the girl and keeps on acting in ways that make her uncomfortable. The woman initially liked him, but after all of this cringe and oppression, she’s totally over it. I think that’s one of the reasons why nowadays a lot of people say you shouldn’t ask out women at any time and only in certain ways. It takes one indiscreet question, one brag, one hand misplaced to make a girl feel unsafe. You gotta understand that women don’t really trust men they don’t know. Not the way that men trust women. Because most men can be an actual threat to most women, they get scared easily. I hope that made sense. PS i’m not saying it’s all men and all women and that we think that men are predators and we don’t trust any man, please understand the nuance of my theory. If you’re a guy, you should really start to put yourself in our shoes. We don’t see the world the same way

Ikem32 · 2022-07-25T12:01:15+00:00

These rules are for the unattractive guys.

Broad-Literature-438 · 2022-07-24T19:22:53+00:00

Imo you are following reddit rules made up bu teenagers. The real rules are just to read the room and know when you flirting is welcomed and when it is not. There is no set time or place that makes things ok or not. Just shoot your shot when you see an opportunity and always remember to be respectful (and be prepared to back off if you aren't getting the right feeling or sense she's just not into you, that's just not really something you can force)

braaah55 · 2022-07-24T17:37:36+00:00

As a woman: I like these rules because they make me less uncomfortable. There’s no way of knowing if you can reject someone without facing backlash. Therefore, the gym is not the place (I don’t want to fear coming in to do my workouts) and the street is not the place (I want to get home safely).

The most opportunistic guys will probably still try and it will always be a hard pass because they apparently care for their own getting laid more than for my safety. So it’s really up to you what message you want to convey.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2022-07-24T18:22:49+00:00

Don’t approach. Chase your purpose. Go to events where people show up. Girls will also be there and already preselected due to the type of event. Your more likely to naturally get in contact.

X-Tragic · 2022-07-25T00:43:01+00:00

Because Perverts & Predators

Sesmigok · 2022-07-25T01:29:58+00:00

Ur post history is crazy. You have a sex problem, no joke

TreatMeLikeASlut8 · 2022-07-24T21:40:59+00:00

Because we don’t wanna be approached there

_YouCantKnow · 2022-07-24T16:38:59+00:00

Women make rules for betas and exceptions for alphas.

bennie_thejet30 · 2022-07-25T00:52:16+00:00

So many reasons why guys fuck up with girls is because they can’t read a room. Understand when a girl is interested and when she’s not. On a date, understand when a girl is comfortable or it’s just overall not going well. When you’re hammered, obviously your judgement isn’t there. But once you get this, none of the rules apply. The rules are there for all the oblivious men in the world.

dud230 · 2022-07-25T03:08:30+00:00

These rules only applicable to people who are not good looking...

flyingostrichh · 2022-07-25T07:16:31+00:00

It is called "civic manners" brother!

SnooHesitations4922 · 2022-07-24T19:13:54+00:00

These rules are for "non-chads". When women have such an overabundance of options, they need a filtration system, so society came up with all these "rules" to the point where approaching i.r.l. seems taboo.

Well guess what? None of these rules apply to chad. Women will break all their own rules if the guy is the girls type, she ain't going to give a singular shit about how, where, and when he approached, she will feel flattered and honored even if she is unavailable. If the dude isn't the girls type, the exact same approach becomes highly offensive or even creepy.

The rules are made for the undesired, same rules are broken for the desired. This is why it is so important to be able to read a room or a social situation for i.o.i.s before ever making a move.

DontTakePeopleSrsly · 2022-07-24T19:31:13+00:00

Those are general rules, but you need to develop social intelligence to be able to tell if they want to be approached. Take the gym for example. For every girl that complains about being approached at the gym, there is another one that complains about not being approached.

The reality is that most women want to be approached by the guy that they want to approach them. That’s where the social intelligence comes in. You need to be able to translate her covert communication (actions, body language, vocal intonations, etc) to be able to tell if she wants you to approach.

The rules you are talking about is what gammas do, those are the guys women can’t stand.

SeaPen333 · 2022-07-24T20:53:42+00:00

Where would you want to be approached for sex by a gay man? If you went to the gym and every time you did big beefy gay men stared at you while you were working out then asked for your phone number it would get old fast.

apefist · 2022-07-24T22:44:15+00:00

Because women don’t want to be hit on all the time. Give them room to breathe and not be dolled up 24/7. Not hard to figure out. If you have friends who are women, they’ll tell you this first hand

blue2610 · 2022-07-24T23:16:12+00:00

If you very attractive, the women make exceptions

SA20256 · 2022-07-24T19:51:40+00:00

Sounds like you’re confused about the concept of consent aint that crazy

thatshinobiboiii · 2022-07-24T17:53:27+00:00

If you wanna play the game, you have to follow the rules. Or you could try cheating but you’ll likely get caught called out and no one will want to play with you again.

C0333 · 2022-07-24T20:30:52+00:00

Because we live in a society

Montpierce · 2022-07-24T21:00:32+00:00

I wouldn't call a rule but the gym it's such a bad place for approaching. They don't go there to socialize or to flirt, they go there to work and focus on themselves. Even if you are successful and get her number or go on a date, if anything goes wrong now you both could be uncomfortable going to the same gym. It's just awkward.

alexmaycovid · 2022-07-25T04:01:37+00:00

There is actually no rules. You can approach anywhere anyone, but don't expect much luck

goodpizzapizzagood · 2022-07-25T08:24:34+00:00

If you respect women this wouldn’t even be a question.

There’s a time and a place to approach women. Learn what they are and don’t bother them when they are not there to be approached.

Spiridor · 2022-07-25T14:37:56+00:00

From OP's comment history and his comments in this post even, he is definitely that guy, the reason that these rules exist lmao, don't waste your time here

iIookstupid · 2022-07-24T23:37:31+00:00

bc we just want to do our sports session in peace and walk in the street in peace without being bothered, we don't make a difference between who wants us good or bad because living in the skin of a woman is: being verbally attacked when you say no, being physically attacked when you say no, being raped, being manipulated so yes we are afraid and these rules are not useless or ridiculous and you will even less understand bc obviously you're not a woman and you don't know how it feels

godofgainz · 2022-07-25T03:14:43+00:00

There are only two rules:

Rule #1 - Be attractive Rule #2 - Don’t be unattractive

pipsnchips · 2022-07-24T19:53:55+00:00

There are no objective rules.

Be sincere and respectful, and the world is yours.

Remember, it’s not weird unless you believe it’s weird. If you are attracted to her, shoot your shot. Full send. Best case scenario, you make a great connection. Worst case, she shoots you down (which is not as bad as your brain thinks it will be). Either way, you walk away with experience and knowledge that you can leverage next time - this is growth.

The WORST thing you can do is not do anything out of fear of failure or making a mistake, for the biggest mistake in life is to not take action.

focus_flow69 · 2022-07-24T21:30:55+00:00

There are no rules in life.

Do whatever the fuck you want. Be respectful, be kind and most importantly, have fun.

Blaphrodite · 2022-07-24T19:39:41+00:00

There are no rules.

Except be cognizant and respectful and act natural.

If you’re not able to tell when looks like a good time to approach, you’re setting yourself up for rejection over and over again till you can understand social/human cues.

Some people are generally unapproachable anyways.

NightMasterDom · 2022-07-24T21:22:25+00:00

Because those are the things that work and put you at an upper hand.

Break all the rules, be yourself.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-07-24T21:54:25+00:00

Idk who came up with all of these gimmicks that I see touted on this sub. Don't misunderstand, in almost any smoke and mirrors....or snake oil sale, you will find some people who this gimmick has worked for, allegedly. Here is a huge factor why there are so many rules: women find a great deal of those kind of approaches creepy. Progressive women will surmise that someone who walks up to them in the street, just wants to bone. They're looking at the fact that you are making your judgement of their worth, just by how they look. There was a guy at work he had a thing for this woman. They talked, flirted, she thought he was kind of charming. She had a get together for a bunch of people from work. He came, everyone has a good time. They spent some time chatting it up etc. So they did have, although it was a loose connection, a connection. So he jotted down her address, sent her a thank you card and asked about a date. Everyone (female) thought that was childishly creepy. When people (me for instance) go to the gym....or workout that is about the only me time I have. Throw some weights, kick some cardio, jam some tunes. I don't even want to talk to anyone. I got so aggravated with people over the years, sitting on benches between sets, texting, playing air drums, talking etc, I made a workout room in my house. Now I don't have to deal with that stupidity. The dude with the thank you, let's date, she never spoke to him again and he left the company 2 ½ months later.

awdatzya · 2022-07-24T22:42:03+00:00

i don't care about any rules, but please, please, i ask you as a woman - don't approach us on the streets, especially in the evening hours. a lot of us think it's creepy and get fucking scared. the ones that enjoy such encounters are an exception, not a rule.

bcwills · 2022-07-25T13:10:57+00:00

Don’t approach women at the gym dude.. gym is not suppose to be a social setting.

justaregularguyearth · 2022-07-25T03:49:01+00:00

If you are an attractive guy none of the rules apply

Hunterhunt14 · 2022-07-24T16:00:42+00:00

Because women are complicated and literally every tiny thing you do impacts the potential success of the approach, women tend to look for reasons to turn a guy down which is why there are so many rule on approaching, it’s to mitigate the risk of being rejected immediately

ComplexWar3832 · 2022-07-24T17:38:20+00:00

I assume that you are a beginner based on your question so my answer is based on that assumption. As others have commented, there are no rules. For beginners (i.e. mostly young men who have little to no experience with women) just having lots of reps is more important than anything else. Beginners should approach frequently and in all situations. The reason for this is that it helps you get over your fear of rejection so that your future approaches will go smoother. Building experience with lots of approaches also helps you to learn what works and what doesn’t. So if you are a beginner just try to approach in as many different situations as you can. Once you get some experience and become comfortable the “rules” will come in. These rules are what experienced guys have shared based on what they have found to work best for them. So you may find that cold approaching girls at a gym rarely works (ie has a low probability of success) so you decide not to invest anytime or effort in approaching in that situation. It’s just a strategy to maximize the payoff (successfully hooking up with a girl) based on the limited resource of time and money. So if you’re a beginner and you see an attractive chick, just go for it. Good luck.

doobyscooze · 2022-07-24T23:34:10+00:00

If you want to attract the best women = gravitate towards parks, upscale events, festivals, concerts, beaches, museums, art galleries. Pretty much any place that attracts fun, money or socialization.

Being fearless, having social awareness, confidence and a positive outlook takes you a long way.

iMagZz · 2022-07-25T13:59:24+00:00

The truth is that it depends on your looks. I think for the majority of girls, if a very attractive man came up to them to talk, and if he had decent social skills, the place wouldn't really matter. Of course this is a big generalization, however it is one I think is true in most cases.

Horror_Replacement39 · 2022-07-24T17:59:26+00:00

There’s only rules if you’re weird, ugly or low status.

Zagni_kai · 2022-07-24T20:52:54+00:00

These rules only apply when you are not handsome or rich. They don't mind whether you approach them in the gym or street when you are good looking.

I suggest you don't care about these rules much and don't limit yourself.

Phoenixapartment · 2022-07-24T18:48:23+00:00

I like this question. We limit ourselves too much.

However… I can see why the gym could be an issue or other contexts could be obnoxious.

tropicsGold · 2022-07-24T20:21:49+00:00

Women are constantly bombarded by low quality men harassing them everywhere they go, so they set “rules” to dissuade the weak. You can either ignore the rules, or become so HV that women pursue you.

renaenaeox · 2022-07-24T22:48:26+00:00

As a woman I hate them too. Sometimes I wonder if I’m way uglier than I think because guys don’t really ever come up to me. But I don’t see them approaching other girls either. Weird.

da_vic · 2022-07-25T08:09:39+00:00

bruh do what you want. Just don’t be creep

Kimberstone1982 · 2022-07-25T09:16:36+00:00

As a woman…. We really don’t like being approached at the gym 🤷🏽‍♀️🙄

finale_of_hope · 2022-07-25T12:34:07+00:00

Let's be honest, it's the same for female. The prettier you are, the brattier the attitude the male will allow. What's a double standard of a double standard? Modern humanity? Just be you and find yours, stop the envy right.

maxpossimpible · 2022-07-25T10:12:21+00:00

How about approaching a surgeon whilst she's performing heart surgery?

THESE RULES MAKE NO SENSE. ALWAYS COLD APPROACH /OP

To teach some people this shit you have to give them an example where it's obvious that you shouldn't approach...

racheal1220 · 2022-07-25T10:31:36+00:00

I just think they aren't comfortable talking to them on the street.

New_Expression9185 · 2022-08-16T01:52:33+00:00

Down bad

shusain2991 · 2022-07-24T21:14:41+00:00

Because girls have the power. One mistake and you will be in jail.

Ginger_Bee · 2022-07-24T21:12:15+00:00

Because y’all are trash.

user009818 · 2022-07-24T20:00:37+00:00

I think for someone who isn't experienced and could accidentally come off as creepy or pushy , it's really undesirable for a girl.. if she's in the street and you walk up to her like a creep that could lead to maybe even getting the cops called on u lol, she just wants to get home. Same as in the gym, girls might feel forced to cooperate so that they don't feel uncomfortable in a place that they frequent ... but all in all the rules are pretty stupid, if you're just a normal kind chill person then nobody will bat an eye

antman811 · 2022-07-25T00:20:55+00:00

And what are the rules for women? There are none anymore essentially.

Sesmigok · 2022-07-25T01:27:24+00:00

Fake Alpha Bro ask people why rules exist Grow up, stop harassing people

frugaholic1201 · 2022-07-25T04:26:01+00:00

You don’t have to follow them if you don’t want to. But good luck approaching people in places and in a manner that make them feel uncomfortable. Perfect way to become a women repellent!

crudd3no · 2022-07-24T19:24:50+00:00

The "rules" you speak of arent actually rules, just bs made up by women on the internet who wish they were born as men. The only real "rule" is that if she says no, or does not express interest, you leave her alone respectfully snd never look her way again.

jackedsoon · 2022-07-24T19:39:59+00:00

because women r making these rules up, ignore them and magically no more approach rules

youlovejoeDesign · 2022-07-24T21:38:13+00:00

Because women don't know how to discern What they need as opposed to what they want.

ShameAffectionate15 · 2022-07-24T18:50:31+00:00

Those rules were made by very angry and overweight women that get no attention. Attractive girls who are recipient of the "approach" fucking love it but the overweight ones who get the harrassers hate it and are jealous so they want to shut it down for all women.

Do you have any idea how often want men to approach them and when they don't how low they feel? I am an example of this.

Narrow_Breakfast_857 · 2022-07-24T22:00:12+00:00

well these are not ‘rules’ indeed, these are stupid thoughts pretty best example is prison codex between inmates, you dont have to obey it if you are not imprisoned also you dont have to obey these ‘rules’ if you dont want toXD
(((you can hit woman if she hit you as well)))

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-07-24T18:11:32+00:00

there aren't technically rules just advising against certain things

BigTBoneDog · 2022-07-24T18:33:05+00:00

I don't think I have heard anyone say anything about approaches on the street here?!?

But there is a reason people recomend against approaches in gyms and there is a reason why you should be careful at your workplace. People still do it succesfully but there needs to be an extra layer of caution compared with the street or a club.

ShadowFoxxx15 · 2022-07-24T19:40:56+00:00

There really arent any rules if you are attractive enough for the particular woman you want. But in general for the average guy you can come off as a creep or weirdo if you approach with too many compliments or you are at the gym and you dont have the ideal body type to her yet. Its all hit or miss and most of the time guys miss.

DryAdhesiveness6579 · 2022-07-24T19:57:34+00:00

there are no rules

SuggarTitsJones · 2022-07-24T20:38:20+00:00

Rules like these are meant to stop guys from annoying girls. We (guys) tend to be highly motivated, and that motivation can make us do annoying rude things like try to talk to a woman wearing headphones.

denali_HD2020 · 2022-07-24T20:50:35+00:00

Approach woman who are interested in you. Simple if she keeps staring go ask her.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-07-24T21:21:14+00:00

There really are no rules, but there is a mode for optimal success

Amikatey · 2022-07-24T21:37:20+00:00

Who made those vulga rules?

Haunting_Papaya_9575 · 2022-07-24T21:40:23+00:00

I have done aproaches everywere this week,100% rejection but boy have i learned a lot!

_____Skip_____ · 2022-07-24T22:01:34+00:00

You are allowed to do both. But it definitely matters how you do it. If you act like a horn dog that just wants to get it on then that's gonna get you negative feedback. If you act polite and kind then I believe it's fair game. Now the messed up thing is a girl can pretty much do what they want and face no consequences. Like if you seen a man pull his dick out in a library he would be all over the news as a pervert. But if a girl gets on Chaturbate and makes it public not one word is said. So if you want equality it should be allowed. We all know this society doesn't run on equality though. Ladies really need to think about how they act about what's acceptable and what's not. Because not many ladies are gonna jump into a burning building, a shooting or on the front line of duty to save lives. Notice I did not say all I said many because the majority of jobs where you put your life on the line is done by men. Not all men there are some women but the majority is male.

Odd_Delay_603 · 2022-07-24T22:09:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Old-Fisherman-8241 · 2022-07-24T22:28:43+00:00

I think it all comes down to how good your game is... and don't send out the creepy/weirdo vibes 🤣

vegeta1418 · 2022-07-24T22:47:09+00:00

You can approach but chances are you’ll be rejected if she doesn’t show initial interest first

Bus1nessn00b · 2022-07-24T22:57:36+00:00

People that create this rules, usually have a bad vibe on approaching.

To approach you need to be presentable (higiene , grooming, decent dressed, etc) and don’t be extremely ugly.

After that is 70% body language and 30% tonality. Other way to say it is confidence.

No rules!

Note: if you are good looking you can get way with pretty much anything! Also, good looking guys don’t need to approach, women come to them

Dan-tastico · 2022-07-24T23:11:13+00:00

Because people like shit to make sense; If you follow these rules, you'll get the girl. In reality it doesn't make any sense. There are some rules that sort of make sense like "never ask out a girl at her workplace" because it might cause an awkward situation but I've seen women complain that a guy they see at work thst doesn't ask them out.

Do you really think the cashier is gonna be offended that Chris Hemmsworth asked her out while she was working? No, that rule only applies if your ugly. Its always rule #1 Don't be ugly.

CDRFlyGuy · 2022-07-25T00:15:05+00:00

Because we are a society of caged animals that refuse to express ourselves, as we have become so accustomed to the ambitionless existence that even the passive, sad, pathetic and emasculated existence we are imposed to conduct ourselves in has won and it is a truly sad thing my brother. break free and refuse this world petty rules, see yourself as a bandit or an outlaw who has rightfully removed himself from all expectations except your own.

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2022-07-25T00:37:10+00:00

Ive had success approaching women in the street.

Kexchexx · 2022-07-25T00:41:44+00:00

If you're a true chad/pua master you don't follow the rules. They're only guidelines for beginners/non-masters.

mrabin333 · 2022-07-25T00:51:59+00:00

Rules don’t exist. If someone tells you there is a rule, this rule is in his head. Not your head, his head. And you don’t have to put it in your head.

ilovefootball49 · 2022-07-25T01:05:23+00:00

Seems like a lot of hot women have men there with them. They could be friends or lovers. I'd rather workout with another guy to take the workout more seriously, than be stuck in the friendzone with a partner who can only lift half as heavy as me, talking about her crush on another guy. Plus with dudes you can talk dirty and fart and talk about sports and beer. With women it's just endless boundaries. If you're not her actual boyfriend just gym buddy it's got to be absolute torture to see her in good shape but never hook up.

rahhumilovedogs · 2022-07-25T01:24:26+00:00

Same thing with girls approaching guys. It's annoying. If the girl is super hot i'll stop n talk to her. Otherwise im minding my own business trying to do things.

anou142 · 2022-07-25T01:49:10+00:00

The only places you don’t approach is the gym and at their husband’s funeral… the reason many people say don’t approach at the gym is cuz it is really hard to make it not awkward if you get rejected cuz you will be seeing them often… I personally feel like most women at the gym are dying to have a conversation with anyone idk why I get this feeling whenever i go to the gym but yeah they can have their guard up at the gym sometimes.

Henry1502inc · 2022-07-25T02:07:28+00:00

Rules matter if they don’t find you attractive if we’re being honest. If a woman finds you attractive, they are open and generally give you a chance and are open about it.

bokan · 2022-07-25T02:13:41+00:00

At some point you’ve got to decide which rules you’re comfortable breaking, because there is no completely socially acceptable way to meet people anymore.

Conformist5589 · 2022-07-25T02:26:52+00:00

I’m going to jump on my soap box here: The gym being a no-go zone is outright bullshit. I know so many couples in and out of my gym that met AT THE GYM. I’ve met women AT THE GYM. The only rule is don’t interrupt someone. That’s it. It’s an amazing place to meet people make new friends and a potential s/o.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-07-25T02:32:10+00:00

Rules exist in your head cause you believe them let them go and see what happens it two people in the world ones who get what why want and ones who don’t lol

Aceleeon · 2022-07-25T02:35:37+00:00

The rule followers are usually people who follow them.

There is no rule. Just a lot of scared people wanting More out of life but using rules as an excuse

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-07-25T03:35:05+00:00

It's not a hard pressed rule per se, it's a guideline based on the experience of a lot of guys who have observed this through trial and error. These guidelines are there because countless guys before you tried this in the past, and a large number agree that these are not the best times to approach.

There's no rule stopping you from trying it. You'll either be the exception, or you'll come to the same conclusion as the guys who advocate that "rule"

ithinkoutloudtoo · 2022-07-25T03:35:16+00:00

Don’t listen to that garbage.

mfposgbcs · 2022-07-25T03:41:24+00:00

There are no rules, just imaginary limits that people give themselves. Approach any where and whenever.

MrCoatii · 2022-07-25T03:42:22+00:00

I want to know too, but maybe we are just some assholes whose doesn't have any social hability or Common sense with the girls ... jaja funny (not funny I'm crying inside jajaja)

mfposgbcs · 2022-07-25T03:42:34+00:00

Approaching is too much work. Just see if they give you eye contact back like the sexual type, then you approach them

MexAlice · 2022-07-25T04:12:46+00:00

I mean you can, just don't be creepy about it and back up when you feel its awkward. That's it

TheMorningJoe · 2022-07-25T04:59:21+00:00

They only apply if you don’t follow rules 1 and 2

Sandvicheater · 2022-07-25T06:15:05+00:00

They're more like strongly encouraged guidelines. As people stated locations like the gym where 99% of girls want to work out then gtfo or workplace where if shit hits the fan you're gonna have to find another job is reasons why.

Time, money and effort are better spent approaching women in locations where your "odds" are significantly better (lounge, hobby setting, bars, etc). That being said there will be moments where the rare opportunity comes up in these supposed no fly zones (gym, work, etc) that comes up.

dude123nice · 2022-07-25T07:10:57+00:00

These aren't actually rules, they're just trends that ppl here have supposedly come up with through trial and error. The idea is to learn from their mistakes and avoid what appear to be the greatest pitfalls. But hey, you can do what you want. Just don't expect to always succeed.

brushdoll · 2022-07-25T08:25:54+00:00

They're just common sense unless your goal is to make a girl feel like she's possibly in an unsafe situation.

UnderstandingBusy758 · 2022-07-25T08:32:10+00:00

Women are picky as hell

applepie252525 · 2022-07-25T08:43:34+00:00

So true. Worst thing is when people say: dont approach at family birthdays 🤡🤡🤡

lowandslow86 · 2022-07-25T09:34:37+00:00

U don't wanna be that dude at the gym..on the street I think you can take your chances but if they are on the job kinda a no no.

TheRopeDaddy · 2022-07-25T09:47:27+00:00

If your approach comes from a position of interest and respect for another human being, they are comfortable in your company and you'd be happy talking to them as an individual if they turn you down, then you can aproach anywhere. But if you are using a PUA's lines to get a girl in bed then it's pretty obvious so you have to keep that direct approach to when they are in the same frame of mind as you. Just be a respectful human being and it will pay off.

But learn situational awareness. Generally, in the gym girls can be pretty focused on what they are doing and also feel pretty vulnerable. A lot of guys are very quiet and pervy at gyms and no girl wants to be approached by the dude who spent his entire time on the pec dec watching you squat. For that reason it is often a terrible setting for making approaches as girls can be unreceptive, so you have to be seen to be a sociable and outgoing member who would stop and talk to anyone. Again, as always, it boils down to being a decent human being.

Hand_Sanitizer3000 · 2022-07-25T11:30:46+00:00

The trick is to determine whether or not she wants to be approached regardless of setting. Have you tried telekinesis?

dobbs1997 · 2022-07-25T12:45:59+00:00

don’t worry about the rules lol approach wherever the fuk you want . This is why you don’t approach anyone, cause you care too much about these rules made by other people who had no success approaching in those places so they impose made up “rules”..

Gnostromo · 2022-07-25T13:53:29+00:00

I mean how useful is a subreddit that just keeps saying "dunno do whatever you want, it's a crap shoot"?

Fun_Protection_2966 · 2022-07-25T15:45:24+00:00

Simply put: because it's very easy to make a woman feel UNSAFE (and they feel unsafe b.c their own experiences and stories of other women show them how dangerous men can be.)

It's often not YOU, per se, but what you can represent in these spaces (danger, sexual assault, stalking, murder, etc...)

If you approach a woman at the gym, where they're in tight clothing with their bodies moving in certain ways that men often sexualize, they might think you're only approaching because you've already sexualized them. And on the street, they're gonna be afraid of you following them home. Like many have already said, creepers ruined these spaces for normal non threatening men.

Don't hound or follow women at the gym or on the street is the best advice I could give. No woman wants to feel like they have to look over their shoulder for their own safety while doing something as mundane as walking down the street or working out.

buckles4077 · 2022-07-25T15:53:25+00:00

The rules are rules of thumb, you’re probably playing it safe by following them

Soulfood13 · 2022-07-25T15:56:02+00:00

There are a lot of creeps out there that make women shy away from those types of encounters. Plus, women don’t generally want to be bothered at the gym when they are just trying to work out. Don’t take it personally.

FranciscotheBull · 2022-07-25T16:47:03+00:00

Disclaimer: I am not saying all men, all women, and/or all situations.

This is why a lot of guys do not approach women in general. Guys who may genuinely try to ask a women let alone just give a compliment will never do it or rarely do it because of being perceived as "creepy", "weird" "rapey" (yes, I anecdotally have heard some women call guys that for no reason), or have some complaint against them and get into trouble. Are their some guys who harass women; yes. Are their some guys who can't read social cues and mess up big time; yes (possibly could be lack of experience). At the same time, some women find it creepy just when a guy gives a compliment and tries to walk away fast to avoid it.

Men are constantly rejected, being looked at in a negative way, or not given a chance without even given a chance. Unless a guy is handsome, rich, and/or perfect on the eyes, a lot of guys are not given the benefit of the doubt. Women will not complain when someone who looks like Dwyane Johnson makes a comment, but will be open arms and mad when a guy looks like Steven Hawkins makes the same comment (just based on a looks perspective).

Guys will be more willing to be with, date and marry who is someone who isn't as good looking, but treats him very well than a woman to do the exact same thing (generally speaking). We see guys marry women who are not as good looking, a different race, and who doesn't have amazing physical standards, but have something that a lot of other women who pass the guy up. For some reason, women will hit on a married man versus a single man who doesn't look like who gets women because the married man has a woman who sees something in him and other women sees that he is doing something right to keep a woman.

Over 50 percent of men are single and have no children, 30 percent of men are married and have one kid or more, and about 20 percent of men are making a majority of the kids. Apparently the 20 percent of guys are doing the "approaching" the right way to get so many kids.

One in three men of a certain age are either virgins or haven't had sex in a year while women are still having the same rate of sex throughout. (FYI-The numbers come from Bureau of Labor and Statistics and Pew polls so these aren't numbers pulled out of thin air).

If you ask a lot of guys, a lot of guys will tell you so many stories of how they got rejected and women will be shocked that their are women out their who do or say the things the guys says. It does take a toll on guys and if the shoe was on the other foot, women can't take the same rejection guys take on a daily or weekly basis.

I believe that women should make the first move and approach guys now. US guys don't know who find US attractive. If we knew who found us attractive, we would approach those women, have a higher success rate, and leas of these problems of the details of approaching. Why can't a woman ask a guy out? Why is it always on the guy? Can't put all the pressure on making guys ask women out and then complain about how guys ask people out. Can't have it both ways. A lot of guys will still learn or try to find the right way to approach each woman individually and see what works. Guys don't know how a woman will react so that is why their are problems.

Guys now won't approach women because of the potential negative consequences of doing the approaching. For me, I would rather not approach a woman than approach a woman and potentially be called "creepy", "weird", "rapey", or a woman complain to the establishment that I am harassing them. Is it lonely; yes, but I care about my reputation and safety more that the consequences.

H8beingmale · 2022-07-26T00:36:59+00:00

the game is cruel, always will be

SociallyCluelessHELP · 2022-07-29T00:08:43+00:00

Girls make rules for Betas and Break rules for Alphas.

They only make rules for guys who they don’t see as attractive or important

Title	Why so many rules when it comes to approaching girls? Like “oh don’t approach them at the gym” “don’t approach them in the streets” why so many rules?
Author	Iamnotthatguypall
Upvotes	338
Comments	414
Date	July 24, 2022 3:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w6yu5q/why_so_many_rules_when_it_comes_to_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-so-many-rules-when-it-comes-to-approaching.1253683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1253683

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