Q4W of PPD: What is your personal happiness level, and why is general female happiness low?

ashpr0ulx · 2021-11-23T11:36:04+00:00

i’d put my happiness at a 7-8.

I’m 31 and I am the happiest now that I have ever been.

i think the state of world at the moment is such that there’s a lot of good reasons anyone could be unhappy. i think in my social group, i see pretty even levels of unhappiness in the genders. and i don’t see relationship status factoring much into that happiness.

Newbie1955 · 2021-11-23T13:22:38+00:00

I'm 36 and I'd put my overall happiness at 8-9. I have a very good life with a wonderful husband. My teens and early 20s were quite miserable.

I haven't put much thought into this, but I honestly think it has more to do with the internet than anything else. I think we gage our happiness based on those around us, so if everyone around us is in a similar socioeconomic situation, then even if we're poor we can still be happy because we see nothing "lacking." Today we are bombarded with stories and images of the rich and famous-and not even their everyday stuff, but their highlight reels. The best of the best of the best. I don't think we're necessarily wired to deal with this level of hierarchal mixing and it requires a more mature and introspective individual to be able to be in that environment and decide "this is what I actually want out of life" and then be happy with that, without getting seduced by all the other and extra and more.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-11-23T15:00:42+00:00

I think my baseline happiness level is a 4-5. My natural disposition ranges from "lowkey sad" to "meh" and it has been this way since I was a child. I have moments of happiness but my baseline neutral mood is melancholy.
I'm not quite 35 but close enough. Kind of hard to say, because like I said my baseline hasn't really changed since I was a kid. I had more fun when I was in my early 20s, but I've had more intense joy and fulfillment in my 30s. It's a different kind of happiness. I've also experienced lower lows in my 30s because this is the age when you start to see loved ones die in large number and start to confront your own mortality. It's a wider range of human experience than what I had in my early 20s, happier at times but sadder at times too.

I think being a middle aged woman (and a middle aged person in general tbh) is just rough. Losing your youth and your pretty is definitely part of it, but there's a lot more to it than that. Having kids is amazing but it's also a daily grind. You're very aware and often stressed out about your financial situation. You start worrying about things like retirement. You've got household admin constantly occupying your mind. Maybe your parents are aging and you're worried about them or have to take care of them. There's a lot weighing on a middle aged person's mind. But in my experience and observation of the older people in my family, around age 60 people lose a lot of that stress and start to be content again. The 60+ women I know seem very happy.

Yes, I do, and I think that's pretty natural. Women are higher in neurosis and there was a time in our evolutionary history where that was tremendously necessary. In the safe modern west it's not quite as important, but that wiring is still there for better or worse. It's not a surprise to me that the sex largely tasked with keeping small children alive and caring for the elderly isn't really wired to be happy-go-lucky and carefree; our brains are always on the lookout for danger and scarcity. Men on the other hand, as the get shit done sex, probably benefit from having a more optimistic and less worry-prone disposition. I think both sexes are mentally suited to their evolutionary role, but the modern world makes a lot of female neurosis extraneous and it's increasingly turned toward less productive things than keeping babies from getting eaten by saber toothed tigers.

So yes, I think women are overall less happy than men. What I'm not convinced of is that women are less happy now than they were back in the day when they buried five children before the age of 10 and didn't know where their next meal was coming from. I think modern people just have the luxury of navel gazing about their emotional state in a way people of the past never did.

I also think the relative absence of religion is a contributing factor; hardship was easier to bear when you could chalk it up to God's plan and tell yourself you would reunite with your lost loved ones someday. Speaking personally, I definitely think my atheism contributes to that general feeling of doom and gloom that I'm always carrying around, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I also think humans are not equipped to contemplate the suffering taking place on the other side of the world among people they don't know or have any connection to, but because of how interconnected the modern world is we are forced to, and that takes a toll on our emotions.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-11-23T12:39:33+00:00

I am one of the older members and have a very naturally high base happiness setpoint. emotionally I am more choleric than melancholy, I dont experience sustained negative emotions and wake up reset everyday

philomexa · 2021-11-23T15:13:30+00:00

37, I'm at about an 8-9. My new job is stressful but I'm finally gaining some seniority/respect plus a handful of underlings so I'm not as panicked about everything. My marriage is great, I love our new house and community, kiddo is happy and thriving in gymnastics and his new school, I'm healthy, my family is healthy, we're financially comfortable, and my friends are sane, healthy, normal, lovely people.

As a young woman I was chronically miserable and lost, I didn't know I had autism so a lot of my misery stemmed from trying to make sense of this word while also processing some heavy trauma from my early teen years, while also trying not to flunk out of school/blow up my life.

When men go on about how young women are happier and joyful all I can do is cackle, have they seen mental health side of tik tok/tumblr/instagram/etc? Fragile wokeism was started by miserable young women grappling with abuse, eating disorders, and mental health struggles.

A lot of manospherians firmly believe that all women get steadily more unhappy as they age, thinking about their declining physical looks and validation/attention from random men. Is there any truth to this, or is it masturbatory schadenfreude?

My looks matter in so far as my self-esteem and my husband's preference. I have no fucks to give about validation/attention from random men; it was threatening when I was younger and its inconsequential now that I'm older. Life has too much depth for it to be shaken by the inevitability of aging. Like, I've seen people in their prime die and waste away from cancer, car accidents, suicides, disabling illnesses, etc, the fact that I get to wake up every day in a health body is a blessing not a lot of people get to experience.

Why would I care that 21 year old girl is hotter than me, I have the wealth of family, good health, and good fortune which is more precious than the transitory beauty of youth. We should all be lucky to grow old.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-11-23T11:52:07+00:00

Hm. A 4. I struggle with clinical depression and I’m just coming out of a rough patch and medication change (plus lockdown). Generally, a 7? I hate my job so that brings it down. I think everyone is less happy and men are socialized not to talk about it.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2021-11-23T13:09:09+00:00

I'm 27 and I am happier than I was in my early twenties definitely. There's so much pressure on younger people and as I grow I learn to let go of the smaller things and I practice more mindfulness and I am on the path to enlightenment. The more enlightened you are the less you worry about these bs social rules that are pushed onto you and you understand yourself more deeply.

An indentity based on being young and attractive, thus appealing to more men will never be one that makes you happy because it is fleeting, this is such an obvious thing that I dont know how anyone can believe, much less men, who aren't involved in the female experience, trying to preach it and it just seems like a self-serving philosophy to pressure women to settle, not rooted in reality.

I dont know about the stats on men and women's happiness but I've seen a study shared here that single women tend to be happier than women in a relationship. I think that may disprove your "women are unhappy because they're not housewives in the 50s" theory, among other things.

Edit; spelling

Potato-Swing · 2021-11-23T14:48:21+00:00

On a scale of 1 (Jumping Off A Bridge Tomorrow) to 10 (Everything Is Great And Couldn't Ask For More) what is your own level of happiness?

I (30) am at least at 8/10, and am very proud and greatfull for my luck and my achievements. I do a job full of meanings, that I worked hard to get and that I love. I get carriere security and perspectives now. I have a rich and interesting social life, plans for the future, and enough money to realize them.

The relationsship with my fiancé goes deeper in love, trust, commitment...and fun! as the years pass. For those here skepctical about LTR : yes, sex goes better with years too, as well as you are more comfortable, and let go the need to prove yourselves to eachother.

I'm pretty confident that I wouldn't have to do any "second shift" on my own when we'll have children. We already share chores equally, because none of us would feel ok to behave like a child, too lazy or too incompetent to care about our house, our food or our laundry. This has nothing to do with gender, really. It's basically being an adult. I doubt that he would turn immature or a different person only once our children would be born.

If you're one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed? A lot of manospherians firmly believe that all women get steadily more unhappy as they age, thinking about their declining physical looks and validation/attention from random men. Is there any truth to this, or is it masturbatory schadenfreude?

I'm only 30, but I'm definetely happier now than ever before. Validation/attention from random men is not the way I define myself. My physical look is only a little part of my value as a person, and a human being. So that's really not something worrying me. I won't miss being rudely talked by strangers, or followed, or affraid when I go for a run.

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

From my limited observation, women seem to be more ressourcefull when it comes to improve their lives. Their fight to get what they want, they do what is needed to be, they put the effort to improve their lives when they realize they are in dead ends. So I'd say they have good chances to win their happiness over the several defavorable circomstances they face. I see many men lacking that same determination.

Ruben_the_Fish · 2021-11-23T15:33:53+00:00

I am way happier NOW at almost 50 than I was in my twenties. What changed? I no longer have a career, just a low-stress job that allows me to sleep at night. Women are more prone to depression and anxiety than men, and I had both back when I worked in an office.

LittyKitsune · 2021-11-23T15:37:57+00:00

9, "happiness" is a notoriously unreliable and difficult thing to survey so I don't put much stake in it. If you don't take happiness research with a grain of salt you will start to believe stuff like it is in fact better to be poor in a third world nation than middle class in a first world country.

Oli_love90 · 2021-11-23T17:01:47+00:00

I’d say I’m a 3/4, but I’ve always been that. I struggle with just existing as I am. I don’t have a lot of close friends, no relationship and very little family. So I mean i hate it here. I have a decent job so that’s whatever.
I’m 31, I’d say I’m the same level of happy as I was when I was younger, so not very. I disagree that dwindling looks/ validation as a point of unhappiness. This doesn’t matter as you get older - All this attractive/not attractive talk is childish.
I don’t know if I could gender happiness. I think if someone lacks love and support in their lives they’re going to be unhappy.

NarniaFox · 2021-11-23T11:49:45+00:00

On a scale of 1 (Jumping Off A Bridge Tomorrow) to 10 (Everything Is Great And Couldn't Ask For More) what is your own level of happiness?

If we take 5 as a neutral point, I'd say I'm around 7. I'm fairly contented with my life and although there are a lot of things to work on I feel really blessed with what I have.

I'm not one from the older members, but I can say that I'm happier than I used to be as a teen. But I guess being a teen kind of sucks thanks to hormone changes.

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

I know that there are some studies showing that it's lower, but neither of these studies were conducted in Russia and it's honestly now what I see around myself. Sure, for an average woman life is hard and she's probably not that happy. But neither is an average man. People who are doing slightly better than average, who at least have a somewhat stable income are doing okay though. Both men and women. I'd say in this group women tend to be somewhat happier, especially when they age, as they have better and often more meaningful connections with other people. They're less lonely than men even if they're single or divorced.

Stats show that men have higher suicide, homelessness, addictions and crime committing rates. I'd say that these numbers do show that men are unhappier. I'd guess it happens mostly due to our views on masculinity and due to the way we raise boys. If we teach boys that they shouldn't cry, should overcome everything on their own, shouldn't share their vulnerability, always be stoic etc. they'll have harder times asking for and getting help.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-11-23T13:43:12+00:00

I'm 42f now married to a 40m ( Second marriage) Happiness is 7-8. No, I was not happier in my twenties (2-4) Married first time at 17 yo. Was a stressed SAHM raising childern . Plus had a child with severe CKD. Had a husband who at first was a normal good person , employed . However he developed addiction to opiates a few years after our marriage, which killed the structure and security of the marriage over time. Situation got so bad that we couldn't even keep the utilities on at times . Getting evicted from places . Constantly fighting due to the lack of finances. Emotional roller coaster. Financial difficulty , lies , etc ended the marriage. Divorced. No alimony, left with nothing to my name , except for what things we had physically in the house we were living at the time and that was it. He paid 236.00 month child support . Nothing more . I Paid for my divorce with my first check from working at the hospital when I graduated from the Nursing Program .

Was able to achieve education , get out of that dependant mindset , achieve financial independence which definitely increased my personal happiness because then I had control , hence personal security. Could provide for my children. Remarried in my mid 30s to a male 2 years younger than myself , children are all pretty much raised at 42yo. My now husband and myself are young enough to enjoy life , go on vacations , build together. Is an entirely different marriage and experience all together Now if I would have had this experience in my early twenties it would have been awesome. Unfortunately life had other plans for me. Don't think there's a need to have 20 million apps for social media, don't do Tik Tok, Don't understand the usage of Instagram tbh lol , Facebook only use for my family, friends, and news information . Then of course Reddit .

Personally for me I'm happier now than I ever was in my twenties . Part of that happiness is knowing that I have control of my finances and person, and what happens to things in my life. Financial Independence is security & Power . Would never put myself into a situation to where I depended solely on another human being for my financial well-being. Not so worried about looks ... I know to attract my husband , my looks are alright . Hahaha

goatismycopilot · 2021-11-23T14:54:26+00:00

Modern women are the first to be polled about " happiness " which is a pretty vague concept. Polling was pretty much a phenomenon that was post WW II in nature and in the US heavily tied to marketing and consumerism. In general it was assumed if women hit the marriage and babies milestone they were at a happy default.

I am not sure if women's happiness is " lower" people are more comfortable expressing dissent or dissatisfaction than they were in previous generations.

I have never had a happiness level of 10 for more than a short time nor have I been at jump off a bridge level.

sarkington · 2021-11-23T14:40:46+00:00

Individually, I’m happy, but it’s hard to ignore all the unhappiness and suffering in the world. Thats the thing that cramps my happiness — how can you say “my life is great, fuck you, unfortunate people”?

CatoftheBanals · 2021-11-23T15:24:48+00:00

7-8. Some days it’s a 9.
I’m both happier and unhappier than in my 20s. When you have children that places a huge stress on your life. And if your child is challenging, that can really blow things up. But there’s also a sense of security in having a husband and kid you care for. Of course we worry about aging. Of course it’s not fun. But we’ve lived long enough to also not care if manospherians think we’re now ugly. Who are they to decide? They can keep deluding themselves that 22-year-old women will still find them hot when they hit 45.
It may be lower, mostly for the reasons you’ve described about working and housework. In the US at least, a single paycheck isn’t going to cut it in most cases, so you have to earn, but you also have men complaining you aren’t there in a dress and heels with a pot roast cooking when the guy gets home from work like they did in the wonderful old days. I wouldn’t say it’s lower than men’s because they have different pressures; it’s just different.

Willow-girl · 2021-11-23T12:12:04+00:00

Traditionally, men worked for wages while women took care of things on the homefront. Nowadays, most women are expected to do both. She has to a woman and also half of a man. Men get to be half a man.

It's better if a woman has an interesting job that she enjoys. If she doesn't, it's just drudgery all the way around. And saddling yourself with kids makes it even harder, although most women seem to want kids. If you can be happy without having children, your life will definitely be much easier!

rosesonthefloor · 2021-11-23T13:23:44+00:00

I’d say about a 7. The issues I have are generally within my purview to affect, and everything else has been going pretty well! Although I’m lowkey intimidated as hell to start the new job I was headhunted for.

I’m not 30 yet but definitely am way happier than in my teens/very early 20s. I have a fulfilling career, great friends, and a lovely boyfriend. Plus, I know myself more. I understand my desires and boundaries better, and I have things I can now look back on with pride after having established myself a bit. My friends my age also seem to be alright, although they both don’t have the best work histories so they struggle a lot more with their jobs. I agree with another commenter that for women who can find fulfilling work, it’s a lot better/easier.

It’s hard to say. I feel as though I’ve run into more men who are deeply sad than women lately. Thinking in particular of a friend in my group who is 30ish and never had a relationship. He’s a great guy, funny and caring, but is struggling with alcoholism and seems to have little hope for the future. Contrasted with my female friends who, even with mental health issues, still seem to have hope for the future. I’m unsure what this means, but thought it bears observing.

deste_eloise · 2021-11-23T15:26:28+00:00

I’m 27. Currently I’m about a 6-7. Could be better, could be worse.. overall.. meh pretty good.

Chaos_and_Horny · 2021-11-23T16:51:02+00:00

Just because men are unhappier, It doesnt mean that women is not the most affected /s

Where did you get the idea that women are unhappier? They are way more happier than men in my opinion accross all ages.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2021-11-23T16:56:09+00:00

I’m over 35 and have gotten happier as I get older. I’m usually 7-9 but at the moment I’m a 6 because the state of the world sucks and so many people I know are suffering. So not really related to personal stuff.

nemporisso · 2021-11-23T16:59:14+00:00

Usually 9-10, but some days I just don't know.

I don't know if women are unhappier these days. There are so many flavors of suffering to choose from in modern society

rosephase · 2021-11-23T17:34:20+00:00

depending on the time of year my happiness level is probably 6-9
I'm 37 and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have great connections. All my romantic, sexual and social needs are met. I love my job. Random attention from men has never been something that made me happy or unhappy. It's just a thing.
I have no idea. Men and women are huge chunks of the population I don't think there is a way to say definitively how happy a gender is.

I know I would be miserable as a stay at home house wife. The idea that I would somehow be happier in that situation is ludicrous.

2021-11-23T19:13:55+00:00

Due to various health issues and other problems, I tend to be a 3-4 out of 10. On particularly good days it might temporarily bump to a 6-7, but that is circumstantial.

I am 32, and that level is higher than it was when I was younger. I was deeply depressed through my 20s. I can’t speak to declining looks or anything like that…frankly, I was too depressed to notice whether or not I was receiving male attention or validation at that time. (Probably not, because I didn’t talk to anyone lol.)

I have spent the last couple of years working on my self-esteem and confidence, and I think this has boosted my happiness a bit. I hope it continues to do so. But not being able to live a “normal” life without health problems does make it hard to measure my happiness sometimes. I feel like my numbers will always be lower than everyone else’s - my good days will never be equal to their good days, if that makes sense.

I do not know if women’s happiness is lower than men’s or not. I wouldn’t be surprised by either answer, honestly.

redheadbeauty15 · 2021-11-23T21:40:13+00:00

personal happiness is a 0-2 I am dealing with some very heavy things.

I don't know why people say women get more unhappy with age because teenage years so far are incredibly miserable and i've been a chronically unhappy child since 11/

I don't think it's lower than men but I do think a lot of women are becoming disillusioned with men and more scared about their options and how to live a life that's fulfilling.

It depends on where people get their validation from a lot of the sexual attention young girls get can be very depressing and nauseating. That's how I feel personally.

CimZim · 2021-11-23T11:50:01+00:00

My personal happiness level is a 9. I could literally only ask to win the lottery.
I'm far happier now in my 30s than I ever was in my teens or early 20s. Happiness level has basically been a J curve since age 27 or so.

As a young person, I was constantly bullied by jocks/popular boys and girls, had a shit childhood with ridiculous amounts of responsibility for my younger siblings and being abused on top of that. Pressured to always be perfect, never get a grade under 90%, always get Honors, etc but never praised for doing so. Hitting puberty at 9 and having D cup tits by age 13 was hellish, the amount of groping and "compliments" and comments about how I "must" be a whore/easy lay at school coupled with what was going on at home completely tanked any self-esteem I might have had, and made me loathe my own body. Dealing with daily crushing depression, suicidal thoughts, and dissociative blackouts were just "normal".

Things got better when I moved out on my own in 11th grade, but it also meant going from being UMC to poverty level. I stayed in school and worked at night at one job, then when they wouldn't give me more than 30 hours I found a second job on the weekends too. Still managed to graduate with a high honors diploma, which I was very proud of. This basically continued throughout college, and of course my utter failure at dating the entire time. Making new friends at age 23 helped my mental state, getting a new job allowed me to get a real apartment albeit still in a shady part of town, and of course finally having my FWB and sharing my virginity at 24 was a very bright spot.

Now that I'm 35, I couldn't ask for much else. I have a lot of confidence and self-esteem, have removed all toxic family members from my life completely, still have my wonderful FWB, and am making good money at a flexible job. I have no debt, am doing quite well in my entrepreneurship courses, have great guyfriends who accept me and are awesome to play with, I'm in the best shape of my life, have a cozy apartment in a safe rural area, my pets are all healthy, and for the first time in literally ever I don't wake up at night worrying about random shit. Sometimes it feels like I'm living another person's life. I wouldn't go back to my past self in any way.

I think that overall women's happiness isn't any lower than men's, but rather that women are generally more open about their feelings than men. Women as a whole are more likely to respond honestly about things that are annoying or upsetting them, whereas men are unfortunately trained from a young age to be stoic or "man up". I believe that if everyone was 100% truthful on these polls and surveys, male happiness would actually be the lower one.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-23T18:16:27+00:00

2 out of 10 bc my brain and body physically and chemically prevent me from experiencing happiness but 2 points bc things I like exist.

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

Women are more likely to have mental illnesses that directly or indirectly cause happiness and are more likely to suffer traumas that affect the individual's happiness

To which women usually reply that it's because they're expected to both work full-time and then come home to do the "second shift" of child care and cleaning, that modern women are being more honest on these reports than men, or that women in the past weren't being truthful about their happiness since being a "good housewife" entailed always being a pleasant companion for your husband and not discussing your own problems.

Also all of this

others say it's because of rampant hypergamy and a lack of women ever having enough, and yet more men say it's indicative of the female sex being shallow and not having fulfilling hobbies the way most men do.

Partially bc the bar for male adequacy is on the floor but I have never met a woman in my life who lacked a fulfilling hobby, you just don't like female hobbies or view them as having value because they are associated with women.

Fabulous-Housing102 · 2021-11-23T11:57:00+00:00

I am between a 9 and a 10
2. Far, far, far happier now than I ever was then. As are all the women I know! Plus we all look a damn sight better.
I think it's about even.

LeaveThisPlanet · 2021-11-23T13:43:08+00:00

. On a scale of 1 (Jumping Off A Bridge Tomorrow) to 10 (Everything Is Great And Couldn't Ask For More) what is your own level of happiness?

10 and more. I have money, a steady business that's blooming, houses/any material things I want and most importantly, an amazing family and great friends I get to spoil. 😊

If you're one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed? A lot of manospherians firmly believe that all women get steadily more unhappy as they age, thinking about their declining physical looks and validation/attention from random men. Is there any truth to this, or is it masturbatory schadenfreude?

I wasn't unhappy in my 20s but I had a lot less time for anything, I was studying and working too much. That was the number one reason. But it was worth it because now, I have all the time in the world to spend with my friends and family! ♥️

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

Not from what I've seen, no. Quite the contrary, I see more unhappy and frustrated men than women. 😉

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-11-23T11:36:32+00:00

On a scale of 1 (Jumping Off A Bridge Tomorrow) to 10 (Everything Is Great And Couldn't Ask For More) what is your own level of happiness?

I'd say that I am content. Some things could be better, but they are not "end of the world" bad. So maybe 5/10?

If you're one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed?

Am 30. Some aspects got better and others got worse.

What got better - I found "my people". In my school/university days it was mainly school-home (with some chats with classmates during the breaks between the lesons). After I finished university, I randomly found out about a 24 hours board game event and mustered my courage to go there. There I have found "my people" and through it found places and events that interest me, so started to go out more.

What got worse - body aches started to pop up. Weird feeling in knees/elbows, a continuous ringing in the ear.

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

I think both genders happynes is lower nowadays due to the flood of information we are exposed to. In social media we tend to see filtered lives of other people and we compare their highlight reel with the whole of our lives (both ups and downs). Theres a lot of doom and gloom going on in the news. We are constantly bombarded with message of how the world is bad and everyone else is having it better that you.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-11-23T14:59:02+00:00

I’m at a solid 7. I have everything I’ve worked for and everything life has given me. My family showed me how to be strong and resilient, I stayed true to that. I could definitely be happier but truthfully I don’t know for sure what would make me happier. I imagine once I know what I want with life I’ll be able to figure that out better.

I’m almost 30, I’m happier than I was in my 20s but unfortunately not as naive. Which is a blessing and a curse, ignorance being bliss and all.

Female happiness seemed to be lower a few years ago but I’d argue men are less happy now. Media used to be very harsh on women and the women around me were very impacted by that. Eating disorders and slut shaming were bonkers. I think people and media are a bit more accepting now and women are demanding to be accepted and treated better (movements like body positivity, me too, etc).

As women “realize” their worth they are moving farther away from what we humans have always known. But I think men haven’t made these moves for themselves and there’s still a push for the idealized past. We’ve had generations of failed fathers too so there is this craving for that strong fatherly energy. Women seek masculine men who they feel safe with, men seek masculine mentors who give them strength, understanding, and life skills. This will continue for some time especially among men and I think the lack of good fathers and father figures hurts men more than it hurts women. Women can at least be gay now and date ftm or forgo dating all together because you don’t need a man to survive.

EternalAchlys · 2021-11-23T15:13:24+00:00

My personal happiness is a 9. I’m a young single woman.

I honestly don’t think women are more unhappy than men. That isn’t to say that women don’t face more systemic struggles, but more to say that just because the men don’t have to worry about the same issues doesn’t mean that they aren’t equally unhappy with the current system.

Men have a different set of problems which really suck. I believe the number of struggles is slightly lower, but that doesn’t mean that they’re peachy keen. In fact the quite a lot of male struggles I’ve read about seem to stem from a general unhappiness and bleak outlook of life.

Things like feeling enormous pressure to provide, frustration over being seen as inherently dangerous because of their sex, and hopelessness about their relationships and futures. A mix of overwhelming responsibility and lack of direction/purpose.

In contrast, the unhappy women tend to be more exhausted than anything else. Having a laundry list a mile long of everything that needs to get done and knowing they can’t count on their partner to help without explicit instruction. And giving those instructions is just another thing to add to to pile of tasks. (See r/justnoSO. Those people put up with way too much nonsense.)

There are spikes of rage, usually when our physical appearance obviously changes how we are treated -whether that’s not being taken seriously in a business or medical context, our bodies being sexualized when we’re just trying to exist, or being told in a thousand little ways that our fertility is the most important thing about us. But we don’t have the testosterone to maintain that rage constantly (that was a joke, not a biological statement).

My own personal bias of being happy says women seem to be happier, but most of my knowledge of men’s inner thoughts comes from the generally unhappy male centric communities here on Reddit. So I really couldn’t say.

FaceTheJury · 2021-11-23T12:08:16+00:00

1) I feel I’m at a 10. I have my dream job, I’m marrying the love of my life in one month, and I have great friends and family relationships.

2) I’m mid-30s and definitely happier now. I have a better sense of self. But I was not unhappy or miserable in my 20s either. And I don’t really look much different from my 20s, nor have I ever had trouble dating (when I was dating). Manospheres are full of miserable men. Although something that got worse is that I definitely can’t stay up all night and be fresh in the morning anymore, lol.

3) I would think women’s happiness is generally higher because women tend to have more close friendships/family relationships. women today are also outpacing men in the workforce and education. I don’t think happiness is gender specific though, but if I had to choose I think my female friends are happier. I have guy friends who complain about not being able to meet someone more than my girlfriends— it actually seems easier for women in the dating sphere, and my friends are all early/mid-30s.

jayda92 · 2021-11-23T14:51:28+00:00

On a scale of 1 (Jumping Off A Bridge Tomorrow) to 10 (Everything Is Great And Couldn't Ask For More) what is your own level of happiness?

11 🥰 Seriously, i love my life so much. Flying through life, and believe me that I have been on '1' a few times.

If you're one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed? A lot of manospherians firmly believe that all women get steadily more unhappy as they age, thinking about their declining physical looks and validation/attention from random men. Is there any truth to this, or is it masturbatory schadenfreude

I'm 27, this should count as ancient on this sub I think 🤪The older I get, the more (constant) happiness I feel. I feel so much more secure and confident than in my teens or early twenties. I always got a great deal of attention since the ripe old age of 9, but to be honest. It's off the chart these days. I see the same with my ladyfriends who are 30+. It's such a cope for incels, but, fortunately, extremely untrue!

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

I think it is, and it's also linked to being with shitty men. I see this with all the women in my life (and there's a lot!) The times I felt like jumping in front of the train are also very much linked to some shitty dude.

This is also the reason that after a breakup, you see that women get low on their emotions and then start deflowering like crazy with a new life, look and new accomplishments, while most guys will party at first, and then realize their big loss and shitty self.

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crookedsummer2019 · 2021-11-23T12:19:30+00:00

I fluctuate between 6 -8.

I’m happier now than I was in my early 20s when I was still learning who I was, less comfortable in my own skin, and less confident.

I think overall both men and women are not as happy or at least have more periods of unhappiness and I think many things contribute to it: rising cost of living, social media, being more accessible due to technology, less job stability, less physically healthy due to more sedentary hobbies, etc.

ohdiddly · 2021-11-23T12:50:41+00:00

My overall happiness is at a 10. I’ve always had a really strong support system around me, great friends, family and partners, and that’s what makes me most happy.

I honestly had more unhappy times as a teenager than I do now at 24 years old.

OneDumbPony · 2021-11-23T13:57:05+00:00

I don't think I can rate my happiness as I've not moved in with my partner yet, but a good reason why lots of women aren't happy is because of the extra mental workload they have to deal with on top of their already stressful jobs. Men don't equally share the burden of thinking about what to eat for dinner, making doctors appointments for the kids, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-11-23T14:03:58+00:00

I’m 41. I’d put my happiness at an 8

I’m much happier now that I have been at other points in my life, but not as happy as some times. My divorce, the deaths of my parents, and a few other things were torture to go through, but ultimately helped me relax and have a greater sense of steadiness - I’ve accepted that things are going to rock the boat, but am confident nothing will capsize it. There’s peace and happiness in leaving behind the situational anxiety I had prior to that

I actually don’t think female happiness is lower. These folks forget about “mommy’s little helper” and how relatively more common things like “the vapors” were

Hell, one of my favorite books of all time is Valley of the Dolls, if you want a peak into the mental health of women at the time

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-23T14:53:38+00:00

I’d say a 6-7. I love my job, love working from home, love my partner and our pets and the little life we’ve built. The factors bringing it down are finances (had to get a new engine for the car and get plumbing repiped just in time for the holidays!), aging parents, and husband’s health. Also I had a lot more friends in my old city than I do here - it’s only like a 13 mile drive but it’s taken me out of a lot of the social activities I used to be able to do spur of the moment.

My 20s were hard due to being a mom too young and a divorcee by 25, and then a single mom. My 30s were good until about 35 when my then partner started cheating. 40s have probably been the best years of my life, I had a partner that I was taking it slow with and my kid was finally grown and independent so less stress there. 50s remains to be seen.

figuringMylife · 2021-11-23T15:19:02+00:00

happy: 7 life is great. i have a great job, i work with intelligent people. my life is good. i workout, all good things etc etc.

i’ve only gotten happier as i’ve gotten older. i think there was a reason most housewives were on drugs back in the day.

women orgasm rates have gone up so that’s a good thing by itself. we dont have to rely on men for everything. we can report men who abuse us. our quality of life has risen. i am so happy and grateful to be alive now.

i’ve found honestly men, are fumbling the ball usually. women can be awful too - but if you read most critiques about men it’s “he’s a manchild, he’s being obtuse about doing housework” etc etc

their moms took care of them most of their lives so they can’t cook/clean/make appointments/understand things in life that make a household. they’re so caught up in statistics about women and “being a man” - lots aren’t even considering being decent. they think being “nice” is enough and then complain about courting women when a good proportion of the time these days - we pay bills and do most household duties while still being expected to look decent and have sex (which is great with the right person)

the only thing keeping me from feeling a 9-10 is that i want to be a mom, my maternal instincts are going off like crazy every time i see babies.

i just got out of a relationship so i’m not trying to jump into another - but most men aren’t prepared for 50/50 things or being a sahd and i feel like there’s this weird blaming of women even tho most (emphasis on most) of us just want stable men who can hold their own and appreciate us. it’s a hard market for everyone. lol.

Megabyte7637 · 2021-11-23T16:59:35+00:00

Interesting.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2021-11-23T18:42:23+00:00

1 - I’d say I’m at an 8.

2 - I’m 38, and am much happier now than I was in my 20’s. Mostly because I have a better sense of who I am as a person and what I want out of life.

3- I really don’t know. I think happiness is so individualized, you can’t draw comparisons by gender. I would think other kinds of measurements, like your economic status, quality of life, etc would be a better way to compare which groups are happier than others.

Novadina · 2021-11-23T19:01:28+00:00

I’m generally pretty happy lately. I do suffer from clinical depression and have since I was a little kid. But I’ve gotten much happier the older I get.

If you’re one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed? A lot of manospherians firmly believe that all women get steadily more unhappy as they age, thinking about their declining physical looks and validation/attention from random men. Is there any truth to this, or is it masturbatory schadenfreude?

I’m 38 and have been much, much happier in my 30s than at any point in my life. I was suicidal as a teenager, that was the worst time of my life.

What changed? Pretty much everything. I freed myself from my mother, who is a psycho and the source of most of my problems and stress as a kid. I got a wonderful husband who I love. I became successful in a great career that pays great and that I love to do (it started as a hobby as a kid). I went to therapy and some of it helped a lot. I had plastic surgery to fix a deformity that was causing me chronic pain, so I look better and feel more confident and don’t hurt as much all the time. I have enough money to give my husband and I a good life and go on fun adventures together.

I can’t say I spend any time thinking about “declining looks and validation/attention from random men”. In fact, the plastic surgery resulted in much less random men giving me attention, because a lot of men have a fetish for the deformity, so now I’m not stared at or harassed as much and it’s great. I don’t think I ever wanted attention from random men, I’m not someone who likes being the center of attention at all, it makes me uncomfortable. I’m an introvert and prefer spending time alone or with my husband or close friends.

Booexgirlfriend · 2021-11-23T19:04:44+00:00

what is your own level of happiness?

7 there are things I have to improve (late 20's)

If you're one of our older members (35+), are you happier now or were you more in your teens/20s? What changed?

Can't answer, I think but I have hope that by then I'll be happier than ever. It depends of me only.

Do you think overall female happiness is indeed lower than men's or not, and why?

Happiness is different for you and me. Society is tougher with men in general, I believe. The say "be a man" it doesn't fit good if a man doesn't want to be a man all the time...

YMaedchen · 2021-11-23T19:05:31+00:00

My happyness is 9/10 usually. I think a big part of happyness is about attitude towards life. More than the general circumstances.

chalkandapples · 2021-11-23T19:16:17+00:00

9
I'm 32, I'm probably happiest I've been my whole life. My childhood comes in at a close second, the only reason it's second is because I was given a happy childhood with no agency of my own. But now I'm happy and I can give myself some credit for that which is nice. My teen/early 20's were the time I was most unhappy. But I think angsty teenage years is a thing for a reason, I was finding my identity and what I wanted. I was stressed over things like what job I should have, what is my "thing" (for example, each of my friends were known for something they're great at like drawing, math, career success, or being very social/charismatic, and I was kinda meh at everything at the time). I just needed the time to take in the world, understand how things work, find my place in it, and make peace with what I can and cannot do. I never really cared too much about male attention, so it wasn't really a huge factor in my happiness. But also, I got more male attention as I got older (mid-late 20's), probably because I started paying more attention, put more effort into my looks, and kinda grew into my looks as I got older. Oh and after I got over my angsty philosophical who-am-I phase, I came out of my shell a bit and started appreciating other people more and was probably more pleasant to be around.
I don't think so from personal experience. I do think men don't really focus as much on being happy compared to women, so there may be an expectation thing. Men tend to only start complaining when it becomes really obviously painful, while me and many of my girl friends tend to do a mental check every once in a while and notice little differences in our moods.

Hello891011 · 2021-11-23T19:18:41+00:00

I’m 23 and my happiness is probably a 5 on most days. Granted I have clinical depression so it usually dips lower, not higher. What has helped me is finding these hobbies. Women friendships, in my experience, are not as fulfilling as the friendships men have with one another. The dynamic of M + M friendships is different than F + F.

I believe this is because men have more hobbies, and they are able to bond over things they enjoy outside of their family. A lot of my closest female friends I always encourage to try new hobbies, etc. but I do not believe it is due to being shallow. I think women just already have a lot going on in their lives (working and tending to the house and children) so it is easier for them to sit down and watch television vs doing an active hobby. When I say active I mean mentally stimulating and something that requires some thought or creativity. :)

Men are typically able to come home from work with little to no expectation of having to help around the house, according to my friends. So men have the freedom to spend that time doing whatever they please.

This stems a lot from the dynamic of a M + F relationship and what the woman is willing to put up with in those relationships.

I laid it all out on my fiancé before we got together, and we both do equal shares of housework. I cook he does the dishes. We both clean the house together. We do not have kids yet.

I hope that women are able to learn how to balance the work/chores/entertainment aspects of life better.

boomcheese44 · 2021-11-23T19:21:29+00:00

Personal happiness increased to 8 from a 7 recently when I secured a windfall. Money and not having to work makes things a lot better. My life isnt perfect, but I have the things I want if that makes sense. And I have the things that I want because I was free to be able to choose them.

Im 36 and Im definitely more happy now than in my teens and 20s. Life was such a confusing mess and I was so naive. I'm sure of myself now. Older unhappier women have probably been rung through the coals, have money issues, and spend their days laboring at home and at work. Of course older women with these issues are less happy. Its not about no longer being able to be catcalled by Chad and his copycats...that never bought women happiness in general.

poppy_blu · 2021-11-23T19:34:52+00:00

I’m happy.

I love my work. It’s high stress, often frustrating and I deal with lots of bureaucrats and assholes. But I keep it in perspective.

My marriage is good. Far form perfect. He has his flaws, I have mine and it’s takes a lot of effort. But I keep it in perspective.

I have an amazing child. He drives me nuts a lot and is going through the teens years which make a parent want to jump off a bridge. But I keep it in perspective.

There are a lot of tragic things in the world to be angry and depressed about. But I do what I personally can do and don’t obsess over the rest. I keep it in perspective.

Noticing a pattern here?

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-23T19:36:33+00:00

35, I'd rate my happiness at a 7-8. I wasn't unhappier when I was younger, but it was less steady. I would much rather consistently be at a 7 than oscillating between 5-10.

The men and women I know personally are about equally happy. Adding this sub to the mix, and I would guess that women are far happier.

2021-11-23T20:25:00+00:00

Happiness interms of excitement then I would say a 6 - my life has fallen into a routine, especially because of covid and work from home

Happiness in terms of calm - 10/10 - I have a wonderful husband. I can praise him to the skies. Not that he doesn't get on my nerves sometimes haha but its his optimism, love, humanity and empathy that makes me a happy woman.

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-11-23T20:25:01+00:00

I’d put my happiness today at a 6/10, threw up this morning, baby has been kicking the hell out of me, one of our horses is sick but recovering, I might possibly have to be induced in a week, husband is worried sick about the both of us and bedrest sucks.

Overall happiness 10/10, life isn’t perfect but I’m sharing it with a wonderful man and I’m 25. Happiness varies from person to person and you often have to seek it out yourself rather than wanting it to come to you.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-23T20:34:41+00:00

I'd say my happiness level in 2021 is at a 9, up from 8 in 2019. It was pretty low in 2020, though.

I was actually much less happy in my 20s than I have been in my 30s. I personally tend to find everything red pill males say to be the opposite of my direct experience.

lemurianelf · 2021-11-23T21:16:59+00:00

8.5 . Married and happy.

I have personality flaws I'm actively working on but its hard to change oneself at 31. Like some other people here, I am genetically gifted to be naturally happy. I can see a flower blooming and stop and smile at how beautiful its petals are. Smell it and look at the sky, close my eyes and enjoy the warm air. I can walk in cold winter and think about the good workout I'm getting and how lucky I am to have a healthy body that can carry me. I then get excited about the hot chocolate I'll make when I get home warm.

My least happy times were at 26-27. I had troubles dating and hated my job and city I was in. Social media was poisonous because I kept comparing myself. Deleting FB was one of the greatest decisions of my life.

I don't think happiness is gender related. I know as many miserable men as women.

ididntwanttoexist · 2021-11-23T21:19:27+00:00

3-5 most of the time. The happiness I do find is in creative pursuits and hobbies, but basically I find life to be a net negative thus far. I have plenty of isolated moments of enjoyment, laughs and dopamine hits, but C0p3s aren't true long-term, stable contentment with living, which is what eludes me. I'm not anhedonic and can still distract myself with the things I like most of the time, but the key word is distract, not make myself truly happy. I won't bother going into more details, but I will say my own unhappiness is nothing to do with "feminist career woman has hollow life of only cats and wine" or whatever strawman usually gets wheeled out.

I was happier when I was literally a child, but that was out of ignorance and obviously not having any real worries at that age, and then when I was a little older, irrational hope that things would magically get better once school/college/[insert shitty thing I didn't like that I was forced to do], was over. Unfortunately, it seems living in society at all turned out to be a shitty thing I don't like but am forced to do XD The "bag a happy and carefree teen/early 20s girl before she becomes jaded" thing is hilariously inaccurate. On the flipside though, so is the "anyone under 25 is naïve and easily manipulated" thing from the other side. Personality fundamentally doesn't change that much. I was a cynical avoidant misanthrope with high stubbornness and extremely low bs tolerance when I was 16, and I still am now.

I have no interest in the kind of life where I'd likely be saddled with doing childcare and chores trapped with some shitty husband. I don't want kids and missed all the feminine socialization memos so feel no obligation to pick up slack with this kind of thing, and generally don't give a shit what someone expects of me. I also only have marginal sympathy for these kinds of complaints (when they're actually true, and not unreasonable requirements) because people in generally just seem utterly awful at vetting for compatibility, and try to build lives together on flimsy foundations. Whenever these people go into more detail about how some guy turned bad, the problem was they barely really knew each other at all and were riding on infatuation chemistry and calling it "love", or the red flags were there from the beginning, and some amazing stand up guy didn't suddenly turn into a misogynistic slob who wants a medal for changing one diaper with no warning. I say the same about men with complaints about girlfriends who "suddenly" became awful though, so this isn't gendered. In the past people were even more limited in their options and had far more pressure to just settle for the least shitty one that happened to live in their vicinity, so I'm guessing many people were quietly miserable, and that goes for men, too. Unfortunately, modern life has given us plenty of alternative options for misery even if forced traditional conservatism is dying out.

Anecdotally, I'd say men seem to be very overrepresented in all the pessimistic/depressed weirdo meme subs I lurk on and even women with severe mental problems seem more likely to have some kind of support in the form of a boyfriend or friend group. The younger half of my generation and zoomers seem to be pretty miserable overall, though, and generally very neurotic about the state of the world wrt capitalism, climate anxiety (not any of my reasons, though). It's hard for me to believe that women are significantly worse off than men in this demo. It seems about equal, if for different reasons. I do wonder if the general lack of older people around these spaces is just that they all either got their lives together by then, or gave up and killed themselves.

IcarusKiki · 2021-11-24T01:53:58+00:00

It fluctuates wildly. Im young right now so I have some days that are 9s and others that are 2s bc I dont know where life is going and I dont have a lot of stability atm. Im sure I will level out when I graduate and get a stable full time job.
Im very young but I can say Im much happier than I was in my teen years bc I have more independence and confidence and self knowledge than I used to. Life seems to be getting better for me every day and hopefully that continues. Also I pride myself on taking care of my looks (I look better now than as a teen and got rid of my acne), but male attention means little to me and does not have the allure it had in my teens. I mean Marylin Monroe was the most beautiful woman in the world and she killed herself so I dont think looks have much to do with happiness.
Id say life sucks for both genders due to the information age making life more complicated than ever before and the human brain just cant handle it. Females tend to be more depressed in general than males since they internalize negativity rather than externalize it. Which is why women have worst self esteem and higher depression/anxiety rates than men.

Snacksbreak · 2021-11-24T03:58:12+00:00

Probably a 7 or 8.
Ooh I'm an elder. Well I'm generally a happy person and have been most of my life. There's been temporary crises that have led to a dip occasionally for maybe a few years at most, but overall I trend towards contentment.

I'm now better at managing any unhappiness or stress I have than I used to be, because I've developed those skills. I engage in a lot of proactive maintenance (i.e. therapy and meditation).

So while I'm generally happy now and was generally happy then, I'm more resilient now and get overwhelmed less.

.3. No idea, I'd imagine they are if that's what studies say. However there's likely reasons. I.e. Don't discount the impact of sexual assault or rape. Rape trauma is comparable to a veteran's war PTSD. So if somewhere between 1/6 to 1/3 of women have been raped, that explains why women as a group have more anxiety and depression on average. IMO.

midwestufohunter · 2021-11-24T21:05:16+00:00

Bc 1 in 4 of us are carrying around trauma from our rapes and the endless gaslighting about it from “the good ones”

relish5k · 2021-11-26T02:59:17+00:00

6 or 7
I'm 34, I'd say peak happiness was early 30s. Happiness has absolutely taken a hit since having a baby. My baby is great, my husband is great. Heck even my job is great. But it's just too much and impossible to keep up with it all, there's just simply not enough hours in the day and I often feel stressed and overwhelmed, and somewhat confined by all of the responsibility (which I willingly and eagerly brought in to my life)
Yes, I think men are happier. Women pursue the "happily ever after" - go to college, get a job, find a worthy man to commit to you, marry him, bear his children and...live happily ever after. But then what? There's this sense of "is that all there is?" But with men I think it's the opposite - they become very energized by having a wife and family to support and protect. For women it's the finish line of purpose, for men it's the starting gun.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-26T14:09:17+00:00

8/10. My son gave me my reason to live. I was already better, being with my fiancé, but that baby is my world.I never thought I could be a sahm, but I could. I'd have side jobs though because I need my brain to work. We can't afford it. I will also love going back to work
I'm almost 33. I'm at my happiest. Until 39, suicide thoughts were prevalent
Men are not at all happier. They are killing themselves because no one care about their issues. Women have the privilege and we still complain. They lose everything, don't even have basic rights at birth, and we don't want them to complain

Nut_Cutlet · 2021-11-29T17:10:52+00:00

2-6, i'm autistic so I already struggle and the modern world is just a constant barrage on sensory information and social mazes to navigate. Some days I really do want to end my life, other days I feel hyped for the future. I'm not sure if I have some bi-polar going on or if it's autism related. My mood is HIGHLY linked to my sensory issues and systematization schemes, so if something happens last minute or a plan gets cancelled, I find it hard to cope. Being a teenager, specifically 13-19, my mood was probably 0-4. Hated that time but I do miss the things I never had.

Yes I think overall its lower, women have much harsher social standards than men do. Being autistic makes this worse because I basically created such a persona that I forgot who I really was, led to a massive identity crisis that only resolved after an LSD trip and ego death when I was 19.

Jamless_universe · 2021-11-23T12:02:11+00:00

I would rate my happiness 8/10

And women in general are less happy than then men because of shitty Hormones.Women are more likely to be depressed and diagnosed with mental illnesses despite being more cautious about mental health. It has something to do with the Hormones

Dapper_Art_8269 · 2021-11-23T11:58:08+00:00

It's 9. I'm in a place in life where I go to sleep excited about the next day.
I'm 28 but my life is much better when it was when I was 20. And I was a happy 20 yeat old woman. I make my own money and I can afford all the Instruments, softwares and courses I wanted before. And I CAN do what I want. I get more attention than I did when I was 20, because I look better and I'm a cooler person. But I'm in a relationship so I don't really care about it.
Looking at myself and my friends, it's higher. In general, women that I know,who are my age or older, are happy, do a lot of things and seem to be satisfied. Men, compared to women, seem to be angry and tired. Single, older men from my work are mostly sad or also sort of angry.

Q4W of PPD: What is your personal happiness level, and why is general female happiness low?

Comments

LOL.

Sure he is! LOLOL.

Title	Q4W of PPD: What is your personal happiness level, and why is general female happiness low?
Author	TardisCat2020
Upvotes	22
Comments	130
Date	November 23, 2021 11:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r0b12f/q4w_of_ppd_what_is_your_personal_happiness_level/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-of-ppd-what-is-your-personal-happiness-level.1086988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086988