This is why casual sex is a big no-no. Thoughts?

All_Perception · 2022-02-18T08:25:25+00:00

She's not lost, she's in denial 😭

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2022-02-18T12:53:24+00:00

Sperm can be deadly. Seriously. In many ways.

Casual sex with men who aren’t committed to you is dangerous. They can dump their seed in you (on purpose or otherwise) and they can simply disappear and never be there for you, no matter the outcome. It’s a tale as old as time

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2022-02-18T07:53:03+00:00

This is so sad. Whatever OP is looking for out of this situation is NOT going to originate with the dude. She needs healthcare, friends, family, and possibly therapy. I think she’s looking in the wrong place for support by going to him. He’s a wretched human, NVM, and any additional effort spent thinking about him or trying to engage him in any way is just a waste.

aquietsword · 2022-02-18T09:21:23+00:00

Sadly I'm not surprised. We need a database for trash men like this. At least warn other women.

empressthatswho · 2022-02-18T11:30:48+00:00

This is why the pickme casual sex culture faking itself as feminist and empowering is prolonging the reign of patriarchy and giving women tools to hurt and destroy themselves all on their own

Apprehensive-Theme38 · 2022-02-18T11:42:45+00:00

My thoughts? HELL NO to casual sex - little to gain, a lot to lose, usually degrading

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-18T09:48:56+00:00

I'd counsel against even telling a guy like this you got pregnant. They can turn posessive and guilt-tripping. Block, delete and move on. Seek support from people who really love you.

warinmymind94 · 2022-02-18T14:04:08+00:00

He tried going 50/50 on the abortion yall .... this is why hookups are a NO this is what any lvm would do!

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-18T14:43:14+00:00

And then men are all surprised Pikachu face when women don't want to sleep with them early on. I'm really not risking a pregnancy for a stranger with zero empathy for me. I'd bet it was some mediocre dick that didn't even give her an orgasm.

Why bother? All the risks, low probability of me actually having a good time. What's the point.

Determinedblonde · 2022-02-18T08:07:10+00:00

37? Man’s too old to be acting 20

Risoa · 2022-02-18T11:23:59+00:00

This is my nightmare

SarcasmSlide · 2022-02-18T12:02:49+00:00

Oh this makes my heart hurt. My heart hurts for all the women out there, young and old and in-between, who haven’t figured it all out yet.

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-02-18T14:57:57+00:00

Ladies, this is why you should never feel guilty refusing sex, taking time before establishing commitment, and dropping the entire framework of men being "owed" something for showing you interest/attention.

This is a very tragic story because it highlights how sex is extremely risky for us (see the post on our website about how sex is not fair). Women can literally die from pregnancy and childbirth, yet this example of a scrote could not care less about this woman's well-being.

Vet vet vet. Angry lurkers: die mad 😘

Certain-Year-5367 · 2022-02-18T08:52:24+00:00

This is why I never have casual sex, there is absolutely nothing in it for me, the guy will feel like he won something and I’ll feel horrible afterwards.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-02-18T11:00:34+00:00

Men don't deserve woman.

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-02-18T14:48:27+00:00

" What the fuck am I supposed to do here ? "

Level up . Learn from this .Stop throwing your pearls before swine.

Notbuyingthebs0909 · 2022-02-18T11:08:44+00:00

Database with these kind of men, PA’s, abusers etc… Why isn’t there a database yet?

jess_611 · 2022-02-18T14:30:18+00:00

The last time I had casual sex I got pregnant too. He was surprisingly supportive and spent the termination with me. It was still traumatic, I can’t imagine being alone too. I know my outcome is rare which is why I stopped having casual sex.

No-Conversation-3823 · 2022-02-18T09:59:24+00:00

This reminds me of a LVM an old friend had as an FWB. She found out she was pregnant. He begrudgingly paid for the termination and suddenly changed his mind while she was recovering from this traumatic event that he wanted his entire money ($300)back because “there’s no guarantee it was his”. This troll threatened her job, family ,social circles, church and even her immigrant status. It broke my heart to watch her fall apart feeling betrayed by a man she thought would at least feel an iota of compassion for her. Eventually I convinced her to just give him the money and block him on everything. Guess who returned a month later to apologize and pick up where they left off🤯. No shame🤡

xDearDiaryx · 2022-02-18T07:50:52+00:00

You can’t expect a man who’s using you for casual sex to give a damn about your feelings. He isn’t your emotional support animal , just a f___ buddy . A loser guy will always be a loser , that’s why we as women need to use common sense and not put ourselves in stupid situations , you will lose everytime . Sorry if I come across as harsh , but it’s hard to feel sympathy for some people when they set themselves up for failure .

Prinnykin · 2022-02-18T21:51:29+00:00

Yeah, this happened to me.

I got pregnant after meeting a guy on tinder, I only knew him about a month, but we were in that smitten stage where we saw each other every day and we were having sex a lot.

I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy, and I was rushed to hospital and nearly died because my tube ruptured. They had to remove my tube.

He said NOTHING. Completely ghosted me.

It was honestly one of the hardest times of my life. He was back on tinder and posting on Facebook like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I got fired from my job because I couldn’t walk and just lost my baby, and a body part.

I tried texting him and he completely ignored me. Didn’t offer to pay for the surgery or even bother to ask if I was okay.

I haven’t had sex for years now. I honestly never want to do it again.

Far_from_deceived · 2022-02-18T11:34:03+00:00

Seriously, this is the type of guy (aka monster) that women have been having intimate relationships with. Imagine for her how traumatic all this was. She would want a support, but instead this SCROTE simply GHOSTED her while she was CARRYING HIS CHILD!!!!!!!!!!

Kimpractical · 2022-02-18T13:49:29+00:00

“I don’t want a relationship with him but I want him to at least hold my hand while I go through something traumatic”

Girl what? This is why he have female friends. I wouldn’t trust an FWB to do anything positive for me. They don’t even care if we orgasm, why would they care about your abortion. I’m surprised he even offered to pay for half of it

Davina33 · 2022-02-18T15:06:33+00:00

This is shocking to me. Unfortunately casual sex is only a win for the man. It's rare for feelings not to develop and most men lack empathy, let alone one just using you for sex. It's going to be a painful lesson for this poor woman but hopefully she won't get involved with a scrote like this again.

YesPleaseMadam · 2022-02-18T16:08:45+00:00

poor woman. she’s under the illusion that men are accountable.

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-02-18T09:00:02+00:00

My only thought is thank God this woman had enough sense to have it terminated. There are too many women having casual sex, getting pregnant by men they don’t know, and then having the babies and wondering why their lives are screwed up. I mean hopefully you wouldn’t even move into an apartment you knew that little about, let alone get a mortgage on a house you glanced at casually, So I don’t know WTF women are doing when they reproduce with a man whose middle name they don’t even know. Do you know what kind of diseases run in his family? Where he lives? If he is divorced or even married at this moment? If he has other children? If he has a history of abuse in his family? Like what are you doing?!

ExpensiveGrace · 2022-02-18T10:40:58+00:00

Stuff like this is the reason I stay away from sex.

Sewud · 2022-02-18T10:13:29+00:00

Gross. Can't imagine the heartbreak of terminating a pregnancy, let alone at 33. She should have taken Plan B.

That being said, men will break condoms on purpose, sometimes. Or they know it's broken, but they finish inside the woman anyway?

1) They are capable of stopping sex

2) They control if they finish inside you

Stay woke, men want you to believe they can't control their ejaculation, but they are actually doing it on purpose.

SteadyCandlelight · 2022-02-18T07:58:40+00:00

I’m glad to hear she had the money for termination, but he should’ve payed.

Also,

He said he is wildly attracted to me

Do they really get attracted to so many women? Do they lie to us? To themselves? I can count on one hand the number of men I was wildly attracted to, and not because I don’t meet fine men where I live. The fact they can meet someone basically perfect on all scales and just ghost her… is crazy.

coreg78 · 2022-02-18T08:56:44+00:00

37 years old and acting like that? That is so sad and pathetic. Also he’ll take care of “half” the termination financially? Does he realize the fetus is 100% inside her and she’s the one dealing with it mentally and physically. Ugh he’s so gross and inconsiderate but he probably thinks he’s so amazing for even going 50/50 on that. This is why 50/50 pisses me off, it’s just so inconsiderate and rude, like there is a time and place.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-02-18T17:11:39+00:00

This is my worst fucking nightmare. Every time I’m having fun on a date and even CONSIDER fucking the guy, I think of this. Awful awful awful. So sorry for her.

Inspection-Critical · 2022-02-18T14:43:32+00:00

"What the fuck am I supposed to do here?"

Stop having casual sex, but you know that advice would get downvoted.

jenna_grows · 2022-02-18T11:29:36+00:00

I don’t really feel any sympathy here.

I’ve engaged in casual sex and I wouldn’t have even told a guy I was pregnant if I didn’t plan on keeping the baby. I wouldn’t even want that person’s support because that person is just a body to me. My friends would support me.

Women who want to engage in casual sex need to understand what that actually means before engaging in it and reconcile themselves with the fact that they’re getting nothing out of it.

Women who know there is even a small chance they may not decide to terminate a pregnancy if they fall pregnant should either not engage in casual sex at all or actually discuss what’ll happen if she accidentally falls pregnant with the guy beforehand.

Was this guy a loser? Sure. He failed to display basic human decency. But if you don’t bother to vet beforehand, then you play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

cml678701 · 2022-02-18T12:59:57+00:00

Reading the comments on this post in its original forum is showing me how many loser NVM are on Reddit. There are a whole lot of, “dude is probably so scared! Suddenly she could decide to keep it, and then he’s on the hook for child support for 18 years. And she thinks she has it bad?!” Ummmm I don’t even know where to start, except to say that I totally, 100% get now why so many NVM think women should pay for the first date. They have absolutely NO insight or empathy for what women go through reproductively. Uhhhh sorry dude, that this unplanned pregnancy sucks for you, because you’re scared you might have to pay child support. I’m sure it’s complete sunshine and roses for the woman, obviously! Poor victim, possibly facing child support. It’s not like he had the choice to just not have sex, or face a difficult situation like an adult. On that forum, allllllll the men are always bashing women who don’t want to pay for a first date, and now I see why. “Nice” ones might be like, “if she isn’t offering to pay after 3 dates, I’m out.” Yet it’s not surprising that these same dudes are the ones who see the guy as the victim here. They have no understanding or empathy for what we go through in a situation like this!

rainbowhelix · 2022-02-18T21:01:33+00:00

I really feel for her. And I hope she does get therapy, this was indeed a traumatic event. Meanwhile everyone is out here saying things like "Hinge is fun, why don't you do OLD?!" THIS. IS. WHY.

BxGyrl416 · 2022-02-18T13:32:30+00:00

Holdings casual fling accountable…hmm. How does that work? These kinds of stories were exactly why I stayed clear of one night stands when I was in the dating game. It’s kind of expected that he would ghost her after the casual sex and abortion.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-18T14:17:34+00:00

This is why men should have no say in pregnancy...

I don't care!! Men don't bleed every month, men don't cry at the pregnancy tests or throw up every morning...this is heartbreaking...

SeaNegotiation8 · 2022-02-18T17:38:38+00:00

She really played herself 🤡. Here’s an abbreviated list of her mistakes, so we can learn from them:

1) Having “casual” sex (there is no such thing as casual sex, only grossly irresponsible sex).

2) Telling him about the pregnancy. Unless you intend to have a baby AND raise it with him, that pregnancy is none of his business.

3) If you choose tell him about the pregnancy, and he wants you to have an abortion, he needs to pay for the entire thing himself, not just half.

He is entirely responsible for getting you pregnant, while your body has to pay the real price. You’re the only one that has to go through the physical pain and trauma of an abortion while he sits at home comfortably, the fucking least he could do is pay for it. Trust me, if he’s willing to pay for “his” half to undo his mistake, he can magically cough up the entire thing.

Appropriate-Art-9712 · 2022-02-18T07:52:42+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you My friend went through something similar. Not to mention she lost her virginity to this guy. Not that she cared about him like on that level but he simply wasn’t there. She actually had a miscarriage, was bleeding for weeks and literally kept Going back and forth to the abortion clinic because her hcg levels were up and down so Before termination they had to Confirm it wasn’t an etopic pregnancy or whatever. Be safe ladies

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-02-18T11:38:12+00:00

Oof this is so messed up! No moral judgement BUT no casual sex is in our interest.

He has not supported her emotionally because he didn’t have to. It’s sad but it’s the bottom line. If we don’t vet to ensure the guy is serious and committed, if we just hand it over straight away, this is what will happen. He will take it and then move on AND feel he is doing nothing wrong.

What about women’s sexual freedom? Well, in a fully equal world, maybe (casual is not my jam but hey!) but we are far from there yet. We are still in a culture very heavily influenced by millennia of institutionalised patriarchy and it’s all a game. Whatever right equality we manage to scrap is being manipulated away on the sly (for example, we have consent in place but still men try to twist away to fabricate consent, we have equal rights in the work place but women have most childcare duties, they earn less, they are in less top exec positions, they are promoted less). So we have the right to have sex with who we want, when we want but does it really benefit us? Reply in the OP…..

Gologic34 · 2022-02-18T17:50:27+00:00

Yup, pregancy, disease, you need to be able to work with and problem-solve with the person you are screwing!

Maingurl · 2022-02-18T14:48:24+00:00

He paid half of the termination?

He should have paid for all of it.

He's sick. Karma is coming for him.

4evaneva · 2022-02-18T09:00:58+00:00

I don’t have sympathy. I just don’t. And I’m saying this as someone who’s had casual sex in the past and seen first hand how men act in those circumstances. A condom disappeared during my first time with someone and we couldn’t find it. I felt physically off so I went to see a female GP the next day, very lucky I could be squeezed in. She found it inside of me.

This made me freak out and I got a Plan B just in case. I messaged him to say that it was at least found. Did he ask if I was ok? No. Did he have any worry about me getting pregnant and tell me to get Plan B? No. All he said was oh wow that’s never happened before. And that’s it.

her-vagesty · 2022-02-18T14:10:57+00:00

I'm guessing that by telling him she was pregnant she did want something more out of him. Like she says she didn't take his money for the termination, so why bother even telling him at all unless she wanted to keep him somehow. Also she says the condom broke and she was shocked to discover she was pregnant. Is it REALLY that shocking if the condom breaks? Did she not think to take the morning after pill? I don't think she wanted to terminate the pregnancy at all.

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-19T01:01:33+00:00

This is why women should call a supportive woman to help them through an abortion.

throwawayaway388 · 2022-02-18T10:49:16+00:00

This kinda needs a trigger warning...

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-02-18T07:58:03+00:00

She doesn’t want the abortion and is mourning the impending death of her child. She can’t fathom that he doesn’t see it that way. Yes, I’ve had an abortion, and I have kids too.

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2022-02-18T13:25:57+00:00

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-19T08:44:36+00:00

didn't he know the condom broke? didn't he feel the fear in his bones?

that's right. he didn't because it's not him that should pay for an abortion and take time off work to heal after that!

men have it on easy mode.

and it's not 4 days and a pregnancy. this pickme is in delusion.

it's 4 times he pumped and dumped and a pregnancy. let's not pretend this scrote took her to dinner and a movie first.

Title	This is why casual sex is a big no-no. Thoughts?
Author	ishQbaz
Upvotes	899
Comments	133
Date	February 18, 2022 7:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/svca07/this_is_why_casual_sex_is_a_big_nono_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-casual-sex-is-a-big-no-no-thoughts.1102681 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102681

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