Women who do not get abundance of male attention. Why?

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-02-23T15:53:23+00:00

The commonly held idea that any woman with a pulse gets sexual attention from guys is somewhat of a misnomer.

It’s true that the vast majority of woman can easily attract a sexual partner in a way that a lot of men cannot.

However there are still woman out there who don’t derive there self worth and life satisfaction from being able to just open there legs and shout “come and get it”.

Those woman that lack an abundance of male attention don’t have it because they are seeking something beyond just sex or they are not attracted to the abundance of males willing to provide it and so are not “putting themselves out there”. In a day and age when a female profile on Tinder will still get matches even if it doesn’t have a single picture any woman can get sex if she truly wants it. Being pumped and dumped however is not the goal for a lot of people nor is being a relationship just for the sake of it.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-02-23T11:36:34+00:00

Just never happened. My hunch tho is that I don't go out. The last time I was regularly around men(or rather boys) was back in highschool. I don't think boys in highschool are very desperate, and even if they are, there are a lot more girls around to fill the void. I was always left alone. I'm a bit intimidating to people and I wasn't very fashionable or cared for my appearance much back then. I'm also a bit taller than average and there are a plethora of other girls to flirt with I definitely wasn't anyone's first choice.

Since graduating a couple years ago, I started dating one of my close friends (I initiated the whole things so even then I wasn't exactly receiving male attention until I literally made a move). Now I've been somewhat of recluse. I'm never really in a situation where I'm going to meet men who don't already know I'm taken. I don't go to bars, clubs, or any other kind of place to socialize. Most of my college is online and when I do go to campus for any extended period of time, I pick a corner to camp in where no one will find me and study the whole time.

sarkington · 2022-02-23T14:52:46+00:00

Average is not worth the effort, of course.

You guys really don’t know what “average” means. It means “unremarkable”

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-02-23T15:49:40+00:00

These days it's just due to me not really putting myself in situations that are conducive to getting male attention.

When I was younger, I was thin but with a very plain face and a generally gangly/awkward look about me. Combine that with having much prettier friends, and a socially awkward demeanor and body language that often came across as bitchy/aloof/standoffish, plus terrible fashion sense, and I didn't get a lot of male attention.

errrright · 2022-02-23T20:03:09+00:00

I am an attractive 27 y/o woman - nice body, pretty face, “normal” looking. The only time I find myself with an abundance of male attention is when I make myself available for it - like if I go to a bar alone, make a dating profile, post my face on Reddit, etc.. But living my normal day-to-day, going to work, running errands, riding my bike, I rarely get approached.

badgersonice · 2022-02-23T13:53:22+00:00

I was in a heavily male stem field, and my personality wasn’t flirty or bubbly. That was enough.

No, I wasn’t fat or ugly. Fairly average, but absolutely not appealing enough for most men to give a shit romantically (edit: or at least to give enough of a shit to show romantic interest in a way I would notice).

I did have success asking men out, so I’m not hideous. Men just don’t really care about average-looking girls who don’t actively make it very obvious that they’re sexually or romantically available.

Edit 2: oh also, I’m pretty tall for a woman, but more hourglass shaped than willowy-model skinny. A lot of guys prefer women who are smaller and cuter and just physically weigh less. I’m not actually big or fat or anything, but I sometimes feel like an awkward giant around a lot of women.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-02-23T11:33:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

account892 · 2022-02-23T12:50:30+00:00

I would say I’m averagely attractive. I’m youngish, not overweight and I generally look after my appearance.

I only get male attention when I look for it though, I have over 9k matches on tinder but I don’t get approached much in public anymore (used to happen a lot in uni and when I worked in retail). I do believe for the majority of attention we need to put ourselves out there (dating apps/instagram etc) and many women don’t want to do that. And attention feels 100x better when it’s coming from someone we’re actually into, so what’s the point…

ruboyuri · 2022-02-23T15:22:14+00:00

Men here seem to think catcalling, homeless men telling us to suck their dick, being followed in a store or on the street, dick pic spam and obvious sexualized hostility from men counts as “attention”

Adventurous-Mix-2027 · 2022-02-23T15:23:44+00:00

The only male attention I attract is creepy threatening unwanted attention so over the years I’ve kinda made myself into someone very unapproachable so these days the only male attention I receive is my boyfriend’s and I’m very okay with that

Throwaway230306 · 2022-02-23T15:36:41+00:00

I'm married now and not looking for male attention, but when I was younger I didn't get it due to: Very average looks, extreme shyness and social awkwardness, no social circle, fear of showing IOIs to men, rarely going places where men hit on women (bars, clubs, parties). Social media was still in its early stages and I rarely shared selfies anyway because I was self conscious about my looks.

Which-Ordinary-9324 · 2022-02-23T18:30:03+00:00

I don’t even know if I’m attractive anymore.

I get no actual male attention/interaction from truly viable male partners. That said I get tons of validation regarding my looks. People will comment frequently and not the type that unattractive people get for trying (sorry).

I get tons of OLD likes, lots of conversations, many dates, men always say I look like my photos, comment in person about my beauty, sometimes will stop mid sentence to say I’m so beautiful. But these encounters don’t result in relationships. Most just looking to hookup despite my profile saying relationship and no “bikini shots” or even cleavage for that matter.

Women and men will comment on the street, walking into a restaurant and stores (though maybe want tips or me to buy), gay men fawn over me the last one almost pulled me off a stage to get my snap saying I’m so fab and gorgeous. I get catcalled, men watch me from afar in bars, clubs, restaurants.

I’m not trying to brag, but none of this leads to approaches or relationships with real potential partners. While I can be a little shy/quiet at first I’ve been assured it’s not my personality that’s the problem. I’m beyond frustrated. Somehow attractive and unattractive at the same time.

funlightmandarin · 2022-02-23T21:27:21+00:00

For me personally:

I'm a homebody, so I barely go out. And if I do, it ain't to parties lol. More like D&D-evenings with friends and other couples. Nothing much associated with casual sex.

I also don't invite it and I don't put myself out there. All my social media are private. I don't act bubbly, warm and social around men I don't know or know, I'm very reserved and I don't volunteer intimate knowledge of my life to most people. I don't flaunt my sexuality publically either. I'm pretty much an asexual wall with resting bitch/poker face when I deal with people.

Also, it's just the culture here. The men are also pretty reserved.

I never had a problem finding guys to date either. I'm quite cute apparantly and present as a feminine-looking woman. I reserve my intimacy and sexuality to my partner.

Most male attention is so cheap I don't derive much validation from it, so why invite it to begin with? The exclusive attention of a man you find valuable is where it's at 👌

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-02-23T12:24:27+00:00

A lot of men think above-average women are "average," and it skews their perception.

The average woman in the US is 5'4 and 170lbs. Many men do not believe that stat until they Google it, because they only pay attention to attractive women.

A lot of men, here especially, will rate women on a 1-10 scale where 10 is practically non-existent, 9 is Victoria's Secret supermodels and 6-7s are gorgeous women.

So when they're thinking of "average," they're thinking of a '5' on that scale: a woman who's not overweight (or if she is, has a Jessica Rabbit type figure) with a decently pretty face.

In reality, "most" people (both men and women) are overweight, and not in the right areas. What's "average" is unattractive.

The actual "average" women I see usually are either in a relationship with an overweight, average man. If they're single, they're not getting swarmed with male attention. Any effort they get is usually low-effort or for hookups.

CatoftheBanals · 2022-02-23T14:56:45+00:00

Live in a big city. Things are definitely more impersonal. Also, the people tend to be better-looking, so it’s more of a competition. In NYC, I wasn’t invisible but it wasn’t like I got a ton of attention. Deep South, smaller town? A lot more. Like night and day.

ididntwanttoexist · 2022-02-23T18:17:23+00:00

I'm conventionally attractive, but to hit on you, men must first know you exist and have some kind of access to you. I'm extremely introverted and unsociable. I don't participate in any IRL social activities and overall I'm a very private and aloof person. I don't use social media. I don't drink or use drugs and I hate bars, clubs, and parties. My body language is closed off and I've been told I have a strong air of hostility and major resting bitch face. I'm never mean or rude to the ones that do approach me unless they fail to leave after politely trying to get rid of them, but apparently I give the impression I will be. I did get hit on far more when I lived in a university city and circumstances forced me to be out more, but it still wasn't nearly as high as it could have been because I still only went out when I had to, and didn't participate in any college activities outside of academics. The fact is no matter how pretty you are, most men will approach people who look, well, approachable. The friendly happy 6 is getting more attention from the average normie than the voted most likely to be school shooter 9 who is lurking menacingly in a corner. Online dating is a different story but we all know that means nothing and men are speed-swiping right on everyone without even looking properly most of the time.

cruciod · 2022-02-23T19:46:20+00:00

I'm introverted and don't really have much of a social media presence. I think a lot of my male friends see me as more of a prude than I actually am (I used to be in the past when I was still religious tbh but I've changed quite a bit from then LOL) and they mostly treat me like a normal friend.

Frankly getting a lot of male attention doesn't seem all that appealing either. I get enough male validation when I get checked out in public so I don't need more to be feel better about myself.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-23T11:12:10+00:00

I don't know, it just never happened. If I knew why, I presumably would've been able to change it. I feel like unattractive women who say they're frequently "courted" are exaggerating or outliers.

Twinseo09 · 2022-02-23T15:01:15+00:00

For me it’s the lack of effort to my appearance. When I don’t put in effort I’m just your average gal walking. I’ll add also that I’m very quiet in public spaces and to myself.

It’s only after I’ve done my hair and put on more flattering clothes do I notice attention being drawn to me BY BOTH genders. It’s honestly crazy how different I get treated when I decide to put more effort into my hair and clothes. People really do just notice you more, stare at you and take more action to try and speak to you: even if there complete strangers. They’ll always find a way.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-02-23T16:04:17+00:00

I'm 50 and haven't left the house without my husband since March 2020. Every once in a while someone compliments him on his lovely wife and I look around to see who they are talking about, but actually getting hit on is limited to the occasional email from an old hook up to see if I'm still married (I am).

lissssa-13 · 2022-02-23T17:47:47+00:00

The average women with any amount of security in who she is doesn’t see much upside to attention from someone who just goes after anything with a pulse. It starts to look more and more pathetic as you get older. And yes it’s very obvious. You learn to not engage and those men move on to someone who gives them their validation.

sritaunicelular · 2022-02-23T14:56:51+00:00

Overweight woman over here, I used to have issues dating, because I would Stop myself with insecurities. I was sold the notion that I was disgusting to everyone, until I realized men are not a monolith and some do prefer my body type. (45-35-48 for reference, still proportional but bigger) mostly ass/thighs, I've been told I have a pretty face.

It's just speculation, but when you believe you suck and are a troll, you don't put yourself out there. You don't realize when someone is hitting on you, or want to believe it.

No one told me that men standards are as low as you say, we are plagued with insecurities, body image and self hate, the body positivity movement is fairly new and doesn't offset it enough.

I don't think a lot of men realize how deeply insecure, affected by diet culture and beauty standards we generally are. we think y'all want model-type women, and for the longest time I thought I was only going to get with guys who had a fetish for "fat girls"

2022-02-23T19:38:24+00:00

I prefer not to have attention when I'm out and about, so I wear my sweats and put my headphones in and no one really comes up to me. Sometimes I wear my computer glasses which seems to help. When I was young I'd get approached a lot, and after a few bad experiences I prefer to remain invisible in public, most of the time. I think any women can get or not get attention, it depends on how she presents herself.

Pretty much any woman can throw on 10 inch heels and a skin tight pink dress, and someone will say something.

Basic-Distribution14 · 2022-02-23T22:05:00+00:00

Well staring off with I’m about a 5/10. Almost 200lbs. Which is probably a turn off. I’d also say that I have a round nose and don’t come off as feminine and beautiful. I’m pretty positive I won’t be getting married or any relationship offers in the future. I’ve learned to be ok with it and realize I wasn’t blessed to find love like others.

Icy-Wallaby4326 · 2022-02-24T05:49:51+00:00

It’s an energy thing.

I’ve seen very attractive women being ignored bec they had an off energy and the “less pretty” ones getting attention bec if the inviting attitude they have.

IcarusKiki · 2022-02-24T07:03:27+00:00

I dont invite it really. Too busy

slut-forager · 2022-02-25T15:21:36+00:00

I dress pretty gender non-conforming most of the time so men often assume I'm trans or a lesbian. I usually don't put much effort into how i look and end up with a rather masculine daily appearance.

Outside of that, I've been told I'm intimidating. I speak in a pretty flat tone and it's hard to tell when I'm joking or not as a result. I can imagine that doesn't help lol

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2022-02-28T01:27:33+00:00

OP: “You are ugly. Why?”

2022-02-23T13:07:49+00:00

Married, not interested, rarely go out alone and don't post any photos online. Right now I pretty much have zero "opportunities" to get attention from men besides my own husband and I'm really pleased wit hit. I used to get more attention, when I was more sociable, but studying and working from home tuned it down greatly, as in ~99% of cases if I go out, I go out with my husband and most men don't really want to approach a woman who's with her partner.

My single friend doesn't get much attention for similar reasons - she studies and works from home, doesn't meet a lot of new people often. She also rarely posts any photos online.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-02-23T21:43:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FlatAd1368 · 2022-02-23T23:29:02+00:00

Men are only after big boobs. If you expose your cleavage men will be all over you. If you have small breasts you are invisible to men. That’s your mystery solved.

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kittenated · 2022-02-23T13:05:46+00:00

Because 90% of the time, I'm with my boyfriend when I'm in situations in which I could be approached.

The rest of the time, I deliberately look and act standoffish af.

nemporisso · 2022-02-23T17:17:14+00:00

I guess I avoid it

SuspiciousRule · 2022-02-23T18:11:36+00:00

I don't know why. Guys usally only interact with me during school activities and assignments.

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-24T01:44:37+00:00

Low smv

stare_at_the_sun · 2022-02-24T05:11:51+00:00

I do not have my life together. Nearing 30 and it is not cute. Past my prime. When I did get it, was never their first choice.

throughalfanoir · 2022-02-24T09:16:42+00:00

Facial deformity + I don't think I have an inviting and open vibe, I don't necessarily conform to the bubbly, sweet, feminine persona that many women have and therefore they seem more accessible, so they are chosen more. not saying I'm a rude person or anything, but yk, even the slight difference is enough. this is kinda proven to me by that in situations where I'm the only woman or the others are inaccessible for some reason (taken, age difference, etc) I suddenly get more attention...

DXBrigade · 2022-02-24T09:44:25+00:00

I am average looking.

FlatAd1368 · 2022-02-24T15:17:49+00:00

First of all, it depends on your attitude. If you are always sending out “signs of interest” you receive them too. You actually need to look at a man to see if he is looking at you. If you don’t notice people around, you don’t notice any attention you get. The other thing is the interpretation. One girl will think that a shop assistant smiled because that’s their job. Another girl will think every person who smiles at her or asks for something is actually after her and she’s convinced she’s very popular with guys.

mathzak · 2022-02-24T17:44:03+00:00

“When a group gets used to privilege, equality can feel like oppression”.

It’s not that women arent getting an abundance of attention: It’s that woman are just now realizing how much of an excess of that attention they’ve been getting their entire lives, because of recent global circumstances that have cut off said excess attention.

Euphemia006 · 2022-02-24T17:44:58+00:00

What i notice reading the answers is: Most women here say they do not get a lot of attention. But looking carefully at what they say, they consider get attention = get approached. While i am pretty sure that when a man say women get attention, they mean get seen, noticed, appreciated by men. When a man says that men do not get a lot of attention, is not talking about getting approached. But about FEELING NOTICED, SEEN, APPRECIATED. Men check women a lot. It might be furtively, inappropriately (generally when the man checking is not found attractive) or appropriately ( the man is found attractive). All those, apart from the inappropriate one, make women feel good, feel like they exist. We are human beings, we love to feel love, appreciated, acknowledged by others. While on daily life, you can believe it is false, but a lot of men if not most, rarely get noticed by women.

pyrotechnic-looter · 2022-02-24T19:32:40+00:00

Women are generally more likely to want a relationship, not just “attention from the opposite sex”. Its possible that many of the “wrong” type of advances are written off as “not worth noting” and forgotten. Its also possible that the women are shy or do not socialize much. Im not “hot” these days by any means but I was in my early 20s. The thing is- I simply believed that I was not. I had a few boyfriends but was absolutely not the girl getting all the attention when out with friends. In hindsight, maybe I seemed more closed off or stuck up than shy awkward or unapproachable?

Or maybe I just didn’t dress a “certain way”. The girls who show more skin when they go out tend to get a lot more of the attention - that applies to social media nowadays too- we didn’t have it back then.

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-02-24T22:17:59+00:00

They aren't seeking it, most men are polite or otherwise committed, personality matters in dating, people can be introverted & socially awkward, people are busy... Seriously, have you been out of the house recently?

cloudsongs_ · 2022-02-25T04:29:03+00:00

I feel like I don't get a ton of attention IRL but I'm very shy, quiet and awkward. I don't really like getting attention in the first place so it makes sense why I wouldn't get any male attention too

Title	Women who do not get abundance of male attention. Why?
Author	topredhat
Upvotes	9
Comments	215
Date	February 23, 2022 10:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/szepnv/women_who_do_not_get_abundance_of_male_attention/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-do-not-get-abundance-of-male-attention.1103366 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103366

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