Average women who somehow scored a very attractive man a few years earlier who left them and now they won’t lower their standards

AnonymouslyFlustered · 2022-11-28T16:32:33+00:00

As a male I’m the same way. I won’t lower my standards from the most attractive intelligent female I’ve been with. And I’m single the rest of my life then so be it.

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-11-28T18:58:00+00:00

Jesus look at this title, sometimes I think this shit is just a joke

beleidigtewurst · 2022-11-28T15:39:11+00:00

I don't get what is the issue here.

It's up to whomever to decide with whom to f*ck or LTR or whatever.

Also, people should stop projecting "swipe left/right" woes, as on the said platforms women are outnumbered by men 3-5 to 1, quite opposite to real life.

Meihuajiancai · 2022-11-28T13:28:10+00:00

The term you're looking for is called Alpha Widow

Purple317 · 2022-11-28T14:10:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JoeRMD77 · 2022-11-28T13:54:26+00:00

I look at it this way, since women say most of us are shit, the amount of Alphas are very few and far between - we're talking like 5% of men here. So, 95% of women are never going to be with an Alpha because they're never going to have the chance to marry anyone close to that caliber.

Also, from the way I read it it doesn't have anything to do with looks. I think it's more related to social standing and career prospects than it is looks. Because remember 95% of men look like garbage according to women and I is a man also agree with that. Maybe one out of 20 men get me to turn my head and I'm a man so.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-28T16:05:56+00:00

As if men do not get hung on the “one that got way”…

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-28T19:12:11+00:00

lmfao doomed?

to what?

having money and no man to clean up after? a life of traveling and being a fun auntie?

EmeraldsFaure · 2022-11-28T16:54:27+00:00

If a person who’s had a bit of life experience and is still hung up on dating standards ONLY based upon looks, then that person is messed up beyond just dating.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-28T14:24:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-11-28T18:09:51+00:00

The only options you can envision are ones where they suffer, so I think what is interesting is the emotional response this triggers in you.

How will you feel if the answer was eventually they find the right partner and relationship? Why do you think that isn't possible? Sounds like you're talking about women taking their time after a brutal break up.

delusionalubermensch · 2022-11-28T17:41:12+00:00

I’m at that point as a man. My last gf was super hot, one of my ideals (thin model/dancer body, pretty face, fiery personality), and I’m rejecting women who I used to f because I want as good or better. Probably just need time to get over her, or I need to upgrade my own looks and self esteem in order to attract and feel good enough for women of that caliber. Lots of work to do.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-11-28T22:53:09+00:00

I havent changed that much since 18 (late twenties) but maybe I am not as much as a catch as the men here that preach how much they love neoteny and what not however the calibre of men has definitely gone up from when I was 18-24, in terms of the men approaching me being overall better people and more attractive. The men that swarm that age group are usually the worst and most opportunistic. Yeesh. I am glad I am out of that bracken lol.

Most women I know rank emotional connection, mutual values and sexual attraction over "resources" for a LTR.

That's why I think the "snag a "good guy" as young as possible", is poor advice to women because men after youth and lack of experience usually aren't men these women want or will stay with (outside of religious customs where both marry young).

Affectionate_Pen_623 · 2022-11-28T14:49:53+00:00

Depends on your level of entitlement. I'm a very good looking guy. Greek god and all that. A lot of the decent looking women I dated in my early twenties are still single or fluttering in and out of relationships. Its not that I even think its their looks that matter all that much, I think a lot of men are more adept on how to hold the attention of good looking women compared to women with good looking men. The women I dated in the past weren't very complimentary, not very enthusiastic and, I felt, would lowkey try to undermine me or challenge my ego. Many good looking/successful guys know when a woman is doing it and it often just turns you off to the point you move on. I guess its the same way I hear from beautiful women who say they got sick of the loser who they dated in their teens/early twenties when they gained some self esteem and the negging stopped working.

And I see it from the third hand as well, I have a good looking friend who has Bumble and I see the interactions he has. Yeah, he gets loads of matches (despite very selectively swiping and setting his proximity to like, 5 miles) but I notice how slow and stilted the conversation is. Literally talking to some overweight 5/10 who would reply after days. There just seems to be a feigned lack of enthusiasm. Yeah, that shit may work well if you're a 19-22 year old hottie with a bunch of dudes in your DMs...but from overweight 5/10s? Well, does make me wonder...

The problem for women is they don't have society telling them they're not shit. As much as young men complain, it can be somewhat a blessing to learn that you actually need to put in work to be rewarded with what you want. I feel the combination of dating apps, social media and modern culture makes a lot of fairly average women believe they're more desirable than they are. Hence why they persistently run from one unfulfilled relationship to another. I literally was reading a thread on r/bumble talking about not "feeling the spark" in initial dates, with some complaining that it happened every time they met a new guy. Sorry, but if you're repeatedly having long ass text conversations only to be disappointed everytime you meet then you need to possible recalibrate your expectations.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-11-29T02:48:48+00:00

Holding out for the same thing again? You mean holding out for a man that will dump them as soon as they experience any natural aging? Lol why would one ever do that? And you presume the man has not aged either or gained weight. I guess men stay looking the same as they did when the couple met. Not a chance in hell. Men believe they look the same way they did when the couple met but the rest of society knows better.

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-11-28T15:52:19+00:00

I don’t know that it’s tied to being so-called “alpha widowed.” I hook up with a lot of divorced women who comment on their friends who just have zero drive or motivation to meet men. They go years without sex or even masturbation. A lot of women, especially as they get older, just don’t have the libido or drive for sex and just sit there dormant.

Straight_Plenty6244 · 2022-11-28T18:12:05+00:00

Not sure about looks but the attributes I look for have changed over time. Early 20s I wanted someone with lots of common interests which were partying travelling ect. As I got older and wanted a family i looked for guys that had similar values/morals as mine. Then post kids/separation I went back to finding a guy purely for companionship and common interests. I’m done having kids and doubt I’ll live with a guy again so it’s more about fun date nights and travel.

NotSureAboutThatLike · 2022-11-28T18:48:14+00:00

It's nice knowing that as an average or below average guy, you're waiting for this kind of women to come into your life. She'll never lust or sexually desire you, just settle for you because it's all she can get now.

OkProfessional9405 · 2022-11-28T18:53:29+00:00

Is this a question from a woman wanting to know what she can do or is this a question from a man thinking about getting into a relationship with a woman like this?

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-28T19:30:38+00:00

There is a common mistake of conflating "won't lower their standards" with "are not attracted to some people".

You cannot help who you are attracted to. It's involuntary. Pretending to be attracted to someone you're not is sleazy, misrepresentative, and fake.

While I hope everyone does growing in their lives I can tell you that the people I find attractive looks-wise have not changed since I first felt stirrings of desire when I was a preteen.

I am not going to force myself to go on a date with someone I am not interested in, because THEY deserve better. They deserve to not have their time wasted by someone who doesn't find them appealing. They deserve to be free to find a better match who actually wants them.

Similarly romance and sex are optional. I'm only going to date people I'm attracted to. And I advise everyone do the same.

Women who once dated a hot guy who left them might absolutely mourn the loss of relationship sure. But there are plenty of people in the world. She will likely find someone else before she dies or if she doesn't she may decide to take herself out of the dating pool and focus on other parts of her life.

You say "almost like they've been spoilt" as though a person is a gift or a product. That dude chose to be with her and he chose to leave. She can choose to date someone else and if they don't tickle her fancy she can choose to not date or to look for someone more suited to her.

You shouldn't date someone you don't want just to virtue signal. It's highly unethical and everyone ends up resenting each other.

Nobody wants to feel someone "settled" for them. It's not the foundation for a good dating life whether casually or in a marriage either.

prizefighterstudent · 2022-11-28T21:51:15+00:00

It's less talked about but men experience this too.

Landed two hotties who basically fell into my lap straight into first-year college -- one of them was even a customer at my work and asked me out. I was on cloud 9 thinking I'd landed Chad status, but it pretty much fucked my self-perception since I convinced myself I didn't need to put any work in. One year dry spell later, I finally realized I had to make a change and get in the mix.

I can relate to the level of confidence this experience imbues though. For tons of chicks, the momentum of attention never really ends, so it's not surprising to see when they get bitter / frustrated when they can't hit the lotto again.

gate18 · 2022-11-28T23:12:32+00:00

Your imagination is false. Unless you asked them, you don't know what they are looking for.

Of course, they aren't doomed. If they feel doomed they would "lower their standards".

It's like I will only buy a tesla or I will always use public transport

I will never afford a tesla, am I doomed? Of course not, if I wanted some other care I would get it.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-11-29T07:37:52+00:00

i am also stacy widowed by an ultra hottie with an innie pussy

DumbWordsmith · 2022-11-29T14:54:29+00:00

My ex was definitely alpha widowed. When I met her, she was obsessed with a handsome dark triad guy she barely knew from 2-3 years before. That should've been a red flag, but everything else about her was seemingly perfect, so I ignored it and paid the price big time several years later.

Look at Vivica Fox as a celebrity example. She "dated" 50 Cent for a few weeks and still calls him the love of her life damn near two decades later. He doesn't even give a shit about her. The same goes for Meagan Good and 50 Cent.

The problem is that women's relationships with these men are typically brief or shallow, so they never experience the boring parts. Therefore, they'll fill in the rest with their imagination. Nobody can ever live up to that fantasy. Women like that are addicted to the butterflies.

IMO the more time that passes, the worse it gets, because their memory of the bad moments fades away so all that's left is the bullshit fantasy elements they made up along the way, as well as the legitimately exceptional aspects of the man.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-11-29T23:36:39+00:00

I see more men in this situation than women. Men tend to shoot out of their league for looks. Women are more likely to "date down" in terms of looks because they dont weigh looks as high as the average men. So when a guy happens to land a too pretty woman for him, instead of realizing he got lucky once, he expects all his future gf's to be like that.

Anybody who does this is doomed.

Really only superficial people do this though.

Me personally, I dont understand how people "rate" their partners on looks at all. There are so many factors added into who you find attractive. I when I was younger and met a man, I either was attracted to him or not, end of story...no comparing.

Dstar538888 · 2022-11-29T03:09:02+00:00

Men do this just as often as women, so I can't tell if you're trolling or not with this post...you don't see all these older, balding, middle-aged men with erectile dysfunction still trying to pick up 20 year-old women despite being "mundane to look at" themselves?? and before you guys come at me with the "MeN ArE VisUAL cREatUReS" and "MEn DaTE YOunGeR wOMen fOR FeRTILITY" and "MEn GeT mORe HIGh VaLUe WiTH AgE WhILe WoMEn HiT tHE wALL" arguments....

women have eyeballs as well, we are not blind and would like someone who is not repulsive to look at either
The quality of men's sperm starts to diminish once they hit 35, and children are actually more likely to come out with birth defects when the father is old
not every woman is looking to have kids just because she's young (I'm 23 and definitely not trying to have any kids anytime soon, if at all, with the way this economy is running)
Not every man automatically becomes more "high value" or attractive just because he's older....I see way too many average and below average men comparing themselves to Brad Pitt and Leonardo DeCaprio....bruh...those men are rich and famous....you are not....Lord the delusion is real....

.....that is all....

1Here4Bach · 2022-11-28T13:37:03+00:00

Why should they? If an average woman gets with an ugly male but after a few years the ugly male dumps her do you think thats a good reason to stop dating ugly males?

UninterestingFork · 2022-11-28T14:38:15+00:00

Some probably change their preference and looks aren't as important anymore....

Some get more cats (like someone said here)

I don't think older women have looks as a priority, specially if that super beautiful man was boring or treated them like shit.

punapearebane · 2022-11-28T18:46:23+00:00

I mean even If all of this is true. Its none of your business. Let it go.

throwaway164_3 · 2022-11-28T14:36:42+00:00

FYI, TRP calls this phenomenon “alpha widows”

neetykeeno · 2022-11-29T02:53:50+00:00

Let me guess...you also believe that it is always the woman who leaves because men are blameless.

A woman in that situation would mostly likely do the usual things people do upon permanent loss of a valued long term relationship....grieve then get on with life in some form that they can now accept as normal and in which they can experience a full, mostly healthy existence. That's the point of the grieving process right? It cycles you through a series of emotions repeatedly forcing you to think and feel until you find a perspective that lets you move forward.

These sort of posts by posters who seem to know nothing about human beings get really quite tiresome.

CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2022-11-28T15:18:30+00:00

Yes they are, each day that goes by and a girl gets age appropriate to take her spot. Her holding out for a type of guy that clearly would only use them as a pump and dump is going to get her nowhere.

captainsaveahoe69 · 2022-11-29T06:23:42+00:00

Why don't you just not care about what women do or want, problem solved.

PuertoRock007 · 2022-11-28T14:07:45+00:00

This is the wall we've been talking about. Now they're not doomed if they accept it early enough. They'll just to lower their standards or get with a much older guy. The longer they take to come to terms the less chances they'll have.

I seen this happen to many women I know. They just don't seem to understand that their time has passed. If they'll ever realize that remains to be seen.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-28T15:46:13+00:00

They're postwall alpha widows. They probably did what most women do in their early 20s and wasted that time when they have the most sexual agency just having "fun" and chasing a degree and a career. When they're supposed to use that time to find the kind of men they were able to attract and date to submit themselves to those kind of men that they desire in order to lock them down for marriage. They're slaves to their hypergamy so they're pretty much doomed because they won't settle for the only man that they can get. Even if they do they're not going to have genuine burning desire for those men who would be average men and will resent them for not being the high value alphas that they fantasize about. The problem is that women are continuously lied to over and over again that they get more sexually attractive the older they get and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Yes some women do become MILFs but that's only a some older women who become still sexually desirable old women. That isn't the most older. Unless these two middle-aged women drop their high standards and become realistic and honest with themselves about the men that they can actually lock down they're doomed to being single for the rest of their lives. They're not young anymore so they can't match the standards that they have. Especially when their age put on weight and are significantly mundane to look at.

2022-11-28T17:01:03+00:00

“I just want someone to love me and accept me for who I am, I know I’m not perfect”

Ten seconds later

“He’s got some small flaws that just don’t sit right with me, we’re getting a divorce”

2022-11-28T17:48:50+00:00

Partially. Eventually they will settle for the best guy they can get at that moment.

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TermAggravating8043 · 2022-11-28T13:42:43+00:00

What caused the relationship to break up?

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-28T22:33:16+00:00

When dating you are not only in competition with other men but also a woman's exes, as in general a woman's prestige is negatively affected if her new man is at least not as good as her ex as far as physical attributes and financial situation

5eggsEveryday · 2022-11-28T22:54:55+00:00

One of the most talked about female traits is ability to adapt. So such women aren't doomed. They will just find out eventually that it's better to lower their "standards". Some do, some don't. It takes time. Technology has provided women with tons of escapism (same for men) so such women can be single all their lives and live relatively happy lives too. I'm being very forgiving with a word "relatively happy" here.

Ris-O · 2022-11-29T03:33:21+00:00

Let them have it their way, the men they desire aren't giving them a second look anyway. That's how it goes when you have options, you take the cream of the crop in youth, beauty, and femininity

Just don't be that guy she will eventually try to settle for, not worth sacrificing your bread and peace of mind for a woman who won't respect you because she's dreaming of what could have been, and will make you miserable for it

Laurely4u · 2022-11-29T06:35:02+00:00

That’s my situation, my husband passed away. If I can’t get a good deal, I will prefer to live alone. There is no life of unsatisfactory settling , just a choice to be alone while the hunt goes on for as long as it takes, no particular hurry. There is no point of capitulation where I would start boinking a loser just to say, I wasn’t alone.

Financialoncologist · 2022-11-29T06:41:42+00:00

For people who don’t understand this issue, can’t relate. Lol

FairyMachine · 2022-11-29T11:14:22+00:00

Everything in love isn't all about finding the hottest most aesthetically pleasing looking person you can.

TrailWraith · 2022-11-29T12:43:45+00:00

So I have a female friend, mid-30s, used to go out a lot. She’s pretty heavy, but very outgoing. She slept with guys who were probably above her grade. Ended up having a kid and settling down with a guy 9 years younger than her, not bad looking, pretty fit.

Nabbing a man in his 20s, when he’s at low value, is probably a good hack for a woman who’s raised high in the looks department. But she’s had to compromise on his income and maturity, both of which frustrate her.

CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2022-11-29T21:55:26+00:00

Ah I see, nah; I'm not into commitment like that. Still too young where a commitment like that doesn't interest me. For the time being I'm content with casual flings.

Title	Average women who somehow scored a very attractive man a few years earlier who left them and now they won’t lower their standards
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	61
Comments	262
Date	November 28, 2022 1:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z6wdhf/average_women_who_somehow_scored_a_very/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/average-women-who-somehow-scored-a-very-attractive.1141535 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141535

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