Relationships are for losers

wtknight · 2023-04-26T13:14:42+00:00

I don’t think that enjoying feeling in love in a relationship rather than just having emotionless sex makes one a loser.

Creation_Soul · 2023-04-26T11:18:40+00:00

not sure if this is bait or just copium from your side, but I will bite.

You do realise that not everybody (both men and women) are obsessed about getting casual sex. Even people in this sub don't think that there are enough women who have consistent casual sex out there.

You seem to live in a world where there are no relationship minded women and all women do is have casual sex all day with good looking men. Come on man, you can't possibly believe that is true? Just walk down a street and look at all age groups, you will see average people in relationships all over. You just assume that the man in such a relationship is a "betabux" or "didn't get the best"; that is just thinking in extremes, when the world is 90% shades of gray.

I have a cousin who went from woman to woman since he was 20 (now we are both in our early 30s) with his longest relationship being 6 months. Sure, he has sex with more women, but in terms of raw number of times having sex, I surpass him easily. That is because I have been in a relationship (with the same woman) since I was 22 and the consistency (and quality) of sex within a LTR is better at getting consistent sex. It's still "work" to keep the relationship strong, but I don't have to play "games" to get a new relationship (like my cousin does) and also don't have any "dry spells" between relationships like he does.

FightMeCthullu · 2023-04-26T11:42:40+00:00

You’re acting as if all a man would get from a long term relationship is…..sex.

My fiancé gets a fuckton of things from the relationship; He has someone to take care of him when he’s sick, someone who laughs at his jokes and brings him coffee in the morning. He has someone to watch movies with and send dumb memes to, someone to cuddle with and cry in front of and sleep next to and spoil and be spoiled by. He’s got someone he can trust to have his back, but who will call him out when he’s being shit. Someone who can challenge him and make him feel comfortable, someone to waste time with and cook with and kiss and hold and love and yeah, have sex with.

A FWB or ONS isn’t gonna do all that stuff. Some people are fine with having a string of ONS or FWBs for sex and having their emotional needs met by friends and family. Some people like having all those needs met by a relationship and friends and family.

It’s personal preference. But if all you want out of a relationship is sex, it’s not a relationship. A relationship is a partnership, building a life together, learning each others quirks and arguing over how eggs should be made, yknow?

And while attractiveness is objective when you look ay mainstream standards, people also have a bunch of things they like that aren’t mainstream. And the act of liking someone or loving someone can make them seem more attractive to you even if ‘objectively’ they fall short. Why do you think so many old couples swear that their husband/wife is more beautiful than the day they met? I mean obviously it’s not objectively true but that’s a person they’ve shared their life with, each part of their body is marked by their story together and what they’ve done and accomplished. That’s beautiful. My fiancés gap in his front teeth isn’t objectively hot but to me it’s sexy because he’s smiling and laughing and that’s gorgeous and hot to me. My fiancé loves that I have a little belly, he tells me it’s like the statue of Venus, or a painting by Titian, he tells me I’m a masterpiece….objectively my belly isnt attractive but he thinks its hot because its mine and he loves me so much that he cant he objective about me.

My point is - if you’re only in serious relationships for sex, you’re doing it wrong.

Objective beauty standards exist, but loving a person can make them seem lovely even if to the rest of the world they seem average. A pretty woman with an average man (or vice versa) just means tgat they see each other and gorgeous even if its boy objectively true because love is a funny filter that makes a lot of things look different.

My fiancé once stuck his fingers down my throat to help me throw up because I got too drunk and felt sick, back when I was 20. And he sat there with vomit on his pants and his hands and I sat there with vomit on my face and mascara streaked down my cheeks smelling like sick and beer…. and he told me I looked beautiful. He wasn’t lying. I wasn’t lying when I said he looked beautiful either. We just love each other.

This rant was brought to you by my meds wearing off and making me feel things.

onirroc · 2023-04-26T10:49:44+00:00

Benefits of a relationship:

Not having to pursue women, try to meet women, try to impress women or wonder if I'll get sex this weekend.

Having a person who loves and supports me through difficult times.

Being able to let my guard down and be myself because I have no one to impress.

Double income. When you first move in with your partner your rebt and utilies are slashed in half.

Someone to raise awesome kids with

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-04-26T11:46:03+00:00

What if you are in a relationship with a woman who did want casual sex with you?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-26T11:22:20+00:00

Even if it's just about having sex, a relationship means you're going to have sex a lot more than just a couple of times, in contrast to casual sex. But obviously it's not just about sex. Most men desire things like to love and be loved, to make a home with someone and to have a family. Casual sex can't give you that.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-04-26T11:31:15+00:00

If yiu're only in the relationship for sex, then yes, it is a tactic fir less attractive men. If you want an actual relationship, then it is a great thing for all men to get into.

daddysgotanew · 2023-04-26T14:25:09+00:00

Yep. I think back to some of the things girls have let me do to them with no expectations of any kind and I get a little sad when I think some dude is going to have to buy a $5,000 ring to have her say, “ehhh, I’m not like that anymore.” She’ll also be older, less fertile and more saggy. Seen it happen. Several of my exes ( that I never bought anything for other than Applebees or something) are married now and let themselves go.

I was never a Chad but I’ve had some experience. And after that experience I’ll never ever subject myself to being the “good enough” man. That’s a brutal existence.

Reptheft · 2023-04-26T16:01:23+00:00

If you slept with her early yourself but still find her personality desirable enough to warrant a relationship then it's not losing.

If she made every guy wait then it's not losing.

But yeah if she had casual sex with others while you had to wine and dine her then that's a solid L to the FWB guy. Dudes shouldn't put up with that.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-04-26T14:37:08+00:00

If the only thing a person values in a relationship is sex, then they are absolutely better off not being in one.

Why would anyone downgrade from getting sex for free to going into a relationship and having to provide so much more?

Because people value more than sex in a relationship.

you will know that her FWB's were far more physically attractive to her than you will ever be

If you need to be the most physically attractive person your partner has ever been with, you're going to be disappointed quite a lot.

totallyworkinghere · 2023-04-26T12:31:56+00:00

If you just want sex that bad, cut the bullshit and pay for it. Normal people want companionship too.

WhoAmIEven2 · 2023-04-26T12:42:43+00:00

Are we seriously so deep in the rabbit hole that wanting a family is seen as a loser thing?

What I want more than sex is coming down and someone is at home, wanting to do fun stuff with me every day. Just cuddle down in front of a movie or make dinner to. Sex is nice, but that's far from the number 1 reason I want a girlfriend.

Lovers691 · 2023-04-26T11:06:14+00:00

I think most women don't get into relationship with men they don't at least like and there are good reasons that a relationship might be beneficial to a man: kids, extra income and someone to work if you lose your job. That being said if you make good money(100k+ after taxes), have good job security and don't want kids as a man I'll FWB is ideal so you don't have to deal with the life-denying process of game/jestermaxxing although good luck finding one as an average looking male.

Steakman1 · 2023-04-26T15:07:21+00:00

A relationship entails a man having to compensate for his lack of physical attractiveness.

A relationship actually entails two people who make each other’s lives better and easier. If you are only getting into relationships to have sex, you are foolish. If the only thing you desire from women is sex, then you shouldn’t pursue relationships. Even amongst the red pillers, a lot of them argue that it’s that women in the west aren’t worthy of relationships. Not that the idea of a relationship is for losers.

I genuinely do not understand how anyone can actually believe having women give you casual sex is worse than having a relationship with one.

This tells me you either haven’t been in a relationship at all, or the women you were with didn’t really love you. Chances are that the best sex men are going to have is with women they are/were in relationships with.

Why would anyone downgrade from getting sex for free to going into a relationship and having to provide so much more?

You’re acting as though the only benefit the man gets from the relationship is sex. Which again, that man is foolish if that is the only reason he is in the relationship. And it makes sense why he specifically would have to work so much harder. But either way, when there is emotion attached to the sex, the sex will generally be better than a woman where all they gave you was a time and a place.

There is only women who want a good looking man to commit to them, and gave him casual sex in the hopes that he would stay.

I’ve lived a more sheltered life compared to others. Never was a partier, drinker, smoker, etc. And even for me it wasn’t hard to find women who just wanted to hook up and did not care at all about the person they were trying to hook up with. If a woman is willing to commit to a man just because he is good looking, then she is just as foolish as the man getting into a relationship just so he can have sex.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-04-26T15:18:12+00:00

Then why are all of the super "high value men" in relationships? Most men prefer the comfort and support of a relationship. You sound emotionally dead.

guccidane13 · 2023-04-26T14:54:11+00:00

I’m convinced that porn and social media have shaped at least half of the male viewpoints on here. For every reasonable take you see from men on here, you see two guys that see women as objects and relationships as strictly transactional. I’m convinced they aren’t meeting actual women so their image of women is that of an onlyfans girl.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-04-26T14:43:04+00:00

because casual sex is usually bad. As some comedian said, the best part of casual sex is the ride over to her house. Now, there is excitement in novelty, I'll grant you that. The anticipation. But there is also something called sexual compatibility, and it's relatively rare, so when you find it you want to hang onto it. This is to say nothing of enjoying someone's personality, getting to know them, having a crush on them, etc.

One-Introduction-566 · 2023-04-26T15:46:18+00:00

It’s not all about sex. Who cares if Chad is hotter if he’s selfish or can’t have fun convos with you. You are just focused on everything you must provide as if that’s a bad thing. As if you won’t get satisfaction from also giving and making sacrifices for someone else. Being selfish and just living for your own pleasure isn’t going to lead to long term happiness or fulfillment .

Guess what you get from a relationship… intimacy you don’t share with anyone else, someone to build a life with, someone you can open up to in a way you wouldn’t with others, a friend, a partner in life and more. Can’t imagine casual sex filling those needs.

Boooring. Lasts like max a few hours and then you just feel lonely. No one to plan the future with or to share your life with.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-04-26T16:03:14+00:00

Relationships aren't all about sex.

Yes, sex is a component of a relationship. But sex isn't what keeps people in relationships.

My boyfriend gets a way better "deal" than any of my fuck buddies ever got.

KikiYuyu · 2023-04-26T18:37:41+00:00

A relationship entails a man having to compensate for his lack of physical attractiveness with other forms of payment for sex.

What? You've already completely lost the plot.

I genuinly do not understand how anyone can actually believe that having women give you casual sex is worse than having a relationship with one.

Wow. A lot is wrong here. Very revealing.

"Having women give you casual sex" lets us know you view sex as this thing that is given and received, cutting out any and all of the human element. Most human interaction is transactional in some form, but you've gone and made it an actual transaction.

The fact that you genuinely don't understand why people want relationships is hard for me to believe. Even if you don't value love yourself, you have to be aware that people are obsessed with love.

It would be extremely easy for you to find people explaining why they value their relationships. There's literally no excuse for you to be ignorant about this.

Important though is that this only applies to average men

What world do you live in where hot men are eternally single and banging and only average men get married? Many, many hot men are married. Many hot men want to be married.

Spend some time in reality, please. For your own mental health.

Besides that, when you are in a relationship with a woman that did not want casual sex with you, you will know that her FWB's were far more physically attractive to her than you will ever be.

??? Yeah all married woman be fucking on the side right? That's just what we women are, disloyal whores.

Seriously, what the fuck is this argument style? You're just regurgitating borderline incel rhetoric with no regard for how little it reflects reality.

So how can women claim that they "love" the man they are in a relationship with? This is nothing else than the woman lying her man into his face

Claiming "every woman who disproves my insane incel world view is a liar" is the opposite of good faith.

This entire post was made in bad faith. I'm calling you out on that.

shine_light888 · 2023-04-26T17:55:37+00:00

The irony of this is, the men that won’t commit believing that they have this advantage because they get high numbers of sex partners, are getting the absolute worst quality women that exist..

While the “ losers “ you say that’s in a relationship, are getting the low number count, self respect, and might I add CLEAN women. The loser gets the catch.. I’m sorry to break your bubble.

That said, you get what you pay for… lots of free shit, creates a hoard of useless space.

The items that we save of to buy have far more value and end up a useful investment..

Intellectually men will take clean woman and commitment..

Women with low self esteem and from low socioeconomic groups engage in casual sex. People that actually have class and self honor.. commit to one person..

eefr · 2023-04-26T10:54:21+00:00

A relationship entails a man having to compensate for his lack of physical attractiveness with other forms of payment for sex. In other words: Relationship are for losers; and this is easy to prove as the ltr-man (a.k.a. physically unattractive/average man) has to provide far more to get sex without getting much else in return, tipping the balance of win/loss towards the loss compared to what a good looking man got from the same woman in a FWB-situation.

Sounds like you've never been in one.

CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-04-26T14:03:37+00:00

In a sense, all relationships are cope for loneliness, lack of love, lack of sex, support, thirst for status, etc. In the past, people were more honest about the fact relationships were to unify family lines, raise children and care for each other. Today it is just "love" bullshit gaslighting.

Why would people bother moving with someone, marrying, risking it all if they get nothing off it?

But you need to be complete first and love yourself to get a relationship... then why care about relationships after you are complete and happy?

The irony is that only people happy with relationships are those who are honest in admitting they need them. Plenty of people prefer bad realtionships to no relationships at all because they are way better than being on your own.

toasterchild · 2023-04-26T20:02:03+00:00

If sex is literally all you care about women for sticking to casual makes the most sense for sure. If you actually enjoy having a partner in your life for more than sex then relationships make more sense. You have to put work in either way so make sure you are getting out of it what you want.

And if you don't know what you want and your feelings are driven by negative self comparisons to people in this imaginary woman's past highly consider therapy for yourself.

sadbitch55 · 2023-04-27T04:20:54+00:00

Being a winner is being happy with life no matter your relationship status ;)

nemma88 · 2023-04-26T11:36:08+00:00

A relationship entails a man having to compensate for his lack of physical attractiveness with other forms of payment for sex. In other words: Relationship are for losers

Offering something of different value to mate is still proving value for mating. The losers are those who can not gain any sex relationship or otherwise because they have nothing of value to offer in this proposed hierarchy system.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-04-26T11:38:53+00:00

I thought of one big benefit.

Not getting Chads sploo and cheese in your mouth when its your turn.

Grumpy-Tosspot · 2023-04-26T11:25:46+00:00

I sat there reading this and thought to myself: I wonder if this guy is a stereotype of the very typical kind of guy that believes in every facet of online propaganda and red/black pill talking points. So I decided to look at your profile and sure enough, hypergamy is mentioned. The wall, and so on.

It's a sad state of affairs when the men of the world are actively removing themselves from the dating pool due to online propaganda. But hey, it's your life. And you only have one.

No-Chance-8405 · 2023-04-26T12:05:15+00:00

You reduced a relationship to mere sex. A relationship is so much more. I hope one day you will realise that. People who enter a relationship only because of free sex are losers (using your wording) condemning it to fail. If you want sex only, you don't need a relationship.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-04-26T13:50:49+00:00

ive never dated or LTRed a man who didnt get casual sex. men also want love and a companion and to be taken care of by a woman.

Popular_Accountant60 · 2023-04-26T13:49:06+00:00

OP you based this entire thing off of one bad relationship…. I’ve had some great relationships, does that now mean all relationships are amazing? Also you’re a negative person , why would a woman that could bring positivity into your life want to be around you? You’ll keep attracting women exactly like your ex if you don’t fix your attitude

Also I (F26) would have casual sex with my husband if I was single and saw him at a bar, because I’m attracted to him physically. Start dating women who actually like you

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-26T13:22:30+00:00

who hurt you, OP?

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Safinated · 2023-04-26T14:33:18+00:00

Hot people of all genders get free stuff, and the rest of us have to work for what we want

Your scenario is only an issue if sex is all you want, if the woman had any casual sex at all, if you never have casual sex, if you keep score of sex and physical attractiveness, if sex = love, if only the man contributes financially, if only the man pays on dates, and if commitment = love

That’s a lot of ifs

Novadina · 2023-04-26T16:30:25+00:00

Seems like you think men are only in relationships for sex. Some men enjoy love, companionship, partnership, family. I know my husband and I accomplished a lot of things by working together as a team that we couldn’t have alone - like buying a house together. It’s easier to get through life with a teammate. And lots of couples have kids and bring them up them together. Does a casual sex partner become your best friend, care for you when to are sick, help you acquire wealth, and raise children with you?

the ltr-man (a.k.a. physically unattractive/average man)

You don’t think any attractive men are in LTRs???

you will know that her FWB’s were far more physically attractive to her than you will ever be.

Huh? My FWBs are similar attractiveness to my boyfriends. Some FWB even became boyfriends, and some boyfriends became FWBs.

Why would anyone downgrade from getting sex for free to going into a relationship and having to provide so much more?

How is casual sex free but relationships sex isn’t? It’s usually much more effort for men to have casual sex than relationship sex, and casual sex is often just once and you have to out all that effort in the next day to have sex again, whereas many relationships men can just go to bed the next night and get sex again. So I don’t get what you think the “cost” is here. Over the course of my relationship we have acquired wealth together, not lost it, and all my friends relationships seem to be the same way. What is it my partner pays to have sex with me, exactly?

OpiumTraitor · 2023-04-26T17:49:47+00:00

If you had a great first relationship and ended things on good terms, would you have believed the majority of relationships are awesome and casual sex is for losers?

IndividualLog8982 · 2023-04-26T17:55:16+00:00

I think a lot of people over estimate how many women actually have casual sex. But regardless, why don’t people just be upfront about their sexual preferences and attractions and not waste each other’s time and well-being. Your kinda right? It is very loser for anybody to basically misrepresented themselves and live a lie just to weasel a relationship or sex out of another person.

chikiinugget · 2023-04-26T18:05:26+00:00

I mean it says something that even the men here are telling you they want relationships and not just sex.

Lamking121 · 2023-04-26T18:24:18+00:00

So how many hours a day do you watch Andrew taint?

modidlee · 2023-04-26T21:29:36+00:00

I disagree. This is only true for guys who don’t actually enjoy being around women and get into a relationship just to get sex. But those of us that actually enjoy being around women get more out of a relationship than just sex. We don’t see doing nice things for a woman as some type of “down payment on some pussy.” The ltr guy is often just as attractive as the hookup guy. Sometimes the only difference between them is the ltr guy and the woman actually enjoy spending time with each other outside of the bedroom, while the hookup guy and/or the woman don’t.

canadianatheist1 · 2023-04-26T21:56:45+00:00

Sounds like you have never been in a long term loving relationship. The three pillars as I like to call it is Communication, Trust, Love. Communication leads to Trust, Trust leads to Love.

You know what's better than sex?
The both of you bursting out in laughter uncontrollably in the middle of having sex, to the point both of you completely forget you were having sex in the first place. I've only ever experienced that in a long term relationship.

"Would you rather 100 pennies or a Loonie?" The quality experience you get in a relationship surpasses one night stands or week flings by a long shot.

2023-04-27T11:03:42+00:00

Op you need professional help.

A_Town_Clown · 2023-04-28T14:44:49+00:00

True autism on display

Itouchkiids · 2023-04-28T19:03:33+00:00

« there are no true hoes, only women wanting a good looking man to commit »

Disagree heavily , the vast majority of women I had casual sex with didn’t want anything serious to do with me, and my Chad friend too had the same experience.

Flat_Swimming_3779 · 2023-04-29T09:21:07+00:00

depends what you mean by a relationship, judging by looks is a rich monkeys mating strategy

resurrect_john_brown · 2023-05-06T23:19:18+00:00

Relationship are for losers; and this is easy to prove as the ltr-man (a.k.a. physically unattractive/average man) has to provide far more to get sex without getting much else in return, tipping the balance of win/loss towards the loss compared to what a good looking man got from the same woman in a FWB-situation.

I showed this post to my husband, and he wondered if you'd ever really had much interaction with women or have had any friendships with them, and I have to agree. I've never had any female friends who were anywhere near this transactional; we don't talk about relationships like they're freaking sabermetrics and we're playing Moneyball. Your whole approach is strikingly artificial, and it makes me super curious where you're getting these narratives about women. It almost sounds like you're extrapolating the way female characters are written in porn and soap opera scripts and then trying to project that onto real women. It's very strange.

I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding that one wants casual sex instead of relationships, but it's messy logic to say that makes relationships "for losers." I think you mean "loser" as in someone who scored least in a contest, but it has other meanings, too. It could also be a term of self-identity used by a hollow, lonely man who might be afraid that he is unlovable and doesn't want to put themselves out there to find out.

PS: studies have shown that women are much more forgiving about men's looks than men tend to be about women. I think this is because we get so much scrutiny of every little detail of our faces and bodies - the hallways of any high school and comment sections under porn videos are very instructive and unwanted, often hostile attention from men from the time we get goddamn breast buds until we're finally allowed to retire old, saggy, gray, and happy. Because we know how awful that feels, a majority of us feel the urge to nurture men by being a bit less judgemental about stuff they can't help. Maybe try actually listening to women when they tell you what they think and believe, rather than relying on Jordan Peterson and the manosphere Bro Show (or wherever you're getting these delusions) to tell you what women supposedly think. You might be surprised. If you keep doing whatever you're doing, though, you're going to get more of what you're getting, and you honestly don't sound that happy. I wish you health and happiness.

Relationships are for losers

Comments

It's not a viable option for you.

Title	Relationships are for losers
Author	Help_Support-Account
Upvotes	18
Comments	223
Date	April 26, 2023 10:45 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12zdmvh/relationships_are_for_losers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/relationships-are-for-losers.1216908 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216908