Is the reason why single women are happier than single men because their celibacy is mostly a choice?

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-07-02T18:36:17+00:00

Yes, one is not truly single if they can go out over a few days in a week and have a wonderful time with someone they view is in their level.

szclimber · 2023-07-02T17:41:22+00:00

Yes. Also most women are not chronically single and struggling.

bad_nerves · 2023-07-02T16:18:10+00:00

women also have a larger social net where people are generally friendlier to women and more willing to hear them out. i remember the other day i went to the gym with some of my friends and while me and my bro went to go do our ppl, the women were getting approached by guys pretty much every 5 mins. guys who've been going to the gym as long as i have yet i've never talked to were all going out of their way to talk to them (not that i have an issue with it, i don't like talking to randoms at the gym)

while it is probably annoying for them, it does show that there's a lot more people willing to socialize with women for the sake of it. they have a social support network that a lot of men don't really have available to them and this would put social-misfit men (which are on the rise) to seek internet communities (such as this one) which promotes negative thought patterns.

i do not think it is necessarily tied to sex. a lot of my guy friends aren't participants in hook up culture as i am nor do they want the experience of being in it.

in regards to you talking about how women wish they were ugly to men -- it's as i said with men in the gym approaching them non stop and interrupting their workout. being a woman is basically the equivalent for men of being a celebrity (unwanted attention from the majority). random people will go out of their way to interrupt your flow, and i can see how that'd get annoying.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-07-02T16:29:40+00:00

So are they happy because, either consciously or subconsciously, they know that they have options?

I’m sure that’s part of it, I’ve turned down some offers because I’m still recovering from being smothered for two years. I definitely don’t feel pressured to seek another partner even though I miss sex and friends keep trying to set me up.

learn2earn89 · 2023-07-02T18:04:54+00:00

Meh, I consider myself an ugly-ish woman. None of the guys I’ve ever liked have liked me back and the few who’ve found me cute don’t really seem enthused to pursue anything other than cordial pleasantries. However, I know I’m happier being by myself than being with someone I’m not really into. I rarely am attracted to anyone, so the odds of me finding anyone are slim. Sure, I may have options compared to a below average man—but those options have to compete with my peaceful life. Im not going around sleeping with anyone even though I could. I just don’t care to.

I like spending my time reading, learning, musical instruments, working out etc. and go anywhere without telling anyone.

I wake up at whatever time I feel like it, I keep my place as neat/tidy or as dirty as I want.

I have low energy often so I can’t be in the company of others for too long.

I have nothing against men in general, I just know that I’ll have to clean after myself and the other person inevitably. It has to be worth it.

LoopyPro · 2023-07-02T17:13:56+00:00

I think you're onto something. Sexual validation plays a huge role in one's self-esteem. The human mind makes a big deal out of reproduction because it is essential for the species (and especially your genes) to survive.

If you're happily single by choice, it's because you are aware that you can get out of it rather easily with lots of options on the table to exercise. If there are no available options, you're basically stuck in a place where sexual validation is unlikely to be reached.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-02T19:58:12+00:00

Relationships can sometimes be stressful, and if it's a bad relationship it can make you deeply unhappy. In the pursuit of a peaceful relationship, you sometimes put a lot of your own needs aside for someone else. And they can distract you from your other responsibilities and interests.

No relationship, no stress.

I can't speak for other women, but I was single and celibate for 4 years after a particularly nasty breakup. Somewhere in the middle of the 2nd year, I woke up one day and realized I was genuinely happy and at peace for the first time in years. I was thriving as a mother, at my job, and cultivating my personal friendships and hobbies. And even after I resumed dating, I lived alone for another 4 years because I wasn't ready to give that up.

2023-07-02T20:35:53+00:00

Probably, yeah. Women have friends and other people for social support so they can do without relationships while men are usually lacking in both.

RinoaRita · 2023-07-02T19:58:49+00:00

I think women just are less in. ”need” of sex. Just look at the amount of hookups in gay men vs lesbians. Men’s drives are much much higher.

It’s less pressing and in their minds. I think for men it’s lower on the hierarchy of needs.

zaph239 · 2023-07-02T20:57:54+00:00

Yes, it is easy to be happy being unemployed when you can walk into a job anytime you want.

In the same way being single is no big deal when you can get laid anytime you want.

concretecannonball · 2023-07-02T17:31:46+00:00

It’s not just happier, but also physically healthier. Women are socialized from birth to caretake and partnering with a man adds more emotional and (unpaid) physical labour. The additional time, labor, and stress takes a toll over a lifetime. Single women don’t have to play therapist and maid and that has a positive impact on physical and mental health.

Women are also better at community-building and toxic masculinity prevents lots of men from being able to meet basic human emotional needs without a romantic partner. The fact that so many men think women are happier because of their access to potential partners is kinda proving the point that they’re unhappy because they’re looking for fulfillment in the wrong places — if men put the same effort into nurturing healthy interests and personal relationships instead of making everything about validation through sex then they could be as happy as women who do the same.

Vapelord420XXXD · 2023-07-02T17:30:16+00:00

Women can get "physical" sexual relief whenever they want. This likely has huge psychological benefits. They can have a strong social circle for emotional support and dial a dick whenever they get horny.

StaticNocturne · 2023-07-02T17:03:41+00:00

Another reason could be that single women can have certain intimacy needs met more so by female friends than single guys can - and they’re more likely to have deeper sapphic desires.

El_Don_94 · 2023-07-02T18:21:49+00:00

That's definitely part of but it's not the full story.

DerayRevan · 2023-07-02T16:22:29+00:00

Single women have it easier in dating than single men

Wow l know right, crazy phenomenon

Also lower sex drive, so the desire to engage with the opposite sex is not as strong as men

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-07-02T18:05:02+00:00

As a happily single girl I can maybe provide some context. Women we are much more emotionally invested in our friendships than men. Many of us feel very supported and fulfilled by our female friendships and therefore really aren’t lonely. I think a lot of women find man and dating exhausting, belittling and centered around sex. To be frank a lot of men treat us like maids, mothers or therapists when dating us and it can be very tiring. Being single is honestly much more relaxing for me than being with a man. I’ve dated some great men in the past but it still eventually has turned into me being a mom to them in many ways. I am so much happier now single with my cat and my friends.

LotBuilder · 2023-07-03T00:19:22+00:00

Antidepressant consumption amongst single women would suggest that perhaps they are not as happy as they report to be. Antidepressant use amongst adults living alone is 80% higher than the regular population. Women’s consumption doubles men and grows as they age. Im 44 and divorced and most the women running around in my age group look happy online but in real life they are very messy

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-07-02T20:47:18+00:00

We know that being single for men is almost always not a choice

Almost always? On the latest US data wasn't it more than a third of the single men who were single by choice? That doesn't seem like 'almost always' but to be fair I don't know how it is in other countries and don't have their data.

For example, I've seen plenty of posts making fun of men who prefer "traditional" type of women or men who make a list of their standards for a woman on r/NotHowGirlsWork

That subreddit often has to do with fundamental ignorance about anatomy, biology, and sex. There are plenty of dudes who are into a more traditional dynamic who still aren't inept when it comes to basic anatomy... they don't really end up in that subreddit that I've seen.

Some men and some women are 'happy with their cats'.

And there is more cat ownership among men (US) than women, at any rate.

I remember seeing a post about a woman explaining how being ugly has affected her life on r/TwoXChromosomes, and there were literally some comments saying "I wish I was also invisible to men".

Both can be true for different people. Some would prefer to be invisible to men in their everyday lives when it comes to romance/sex/being hit on.

Some prefer to be visible and wish they held the attention of someone they like. Both are reasonable things to want, though having that happen in the real world can be more difficult.

So are they happy because, either consciously or subconsciously, they know that they have options?

Some are truly happier single, regardless of options. Some are happier single even if they have no options and have never received romantic or sexual attention or the potential for it from men or whomever their orientation leans toward.

It's not all one basket. Some people really don't want a romance. Some people do but don't want the pain the search for it causes. Some know they'd do well and prefer to be single. Some know they do horribly and still prefer to be single.

You also have people who know they have options and are still happier staying out of the dating game for years (or forever). You also have people who believe they have no options, searched for years and never found a good match, and are still happier staying out of the dating game for years (or forever).

There are all different motivations. Sure there are people 'scared of being hurt/getting their heart broken' and that's why they don't date. There are also people who feel they are the worst version of themselves in relationships and keep themselves single to benefit their own health as well as the health of any other poor sap who might be unlucky enough to get into a relationship with them.

Dstar538888 · 2023-07-02T20:55:24+00:00

I feel like getting dick is extremely easy for us to get, so that’s why we’re not so easily impressed by it

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-02T16:21:25+00:00

We know that being single for men is almost always not a choice

There are millions of men for whom it is a choice. My neighbor is one. Not everyone is as pathetically horny as the average redditor.

"I wish I was also invisible to men".

Eases up on the relentless sexual harassment we receive.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-07-02T18:46:49+00:00

It’s also because women have relationships with other women that are more emotionally developed. They tend to be able to be vulnerable with their friends, and they don’t have to worry about how society views it.

Unfortunately men are seen negatively when they are vulnerable with their peers.

Also women are taught a lot more skills for home maintenance growing up than their male peers. This would mean that they are probably more prepared to take care of a home.

If men were in the same situation for the previous two things I’d imagine it would be equal.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-07-02T18:31:04+00:00

Women aren't putting all their happiness into one relationship.

They diversify and have multiple fulfilling relationships. All with varying degrees of intimacy.

My friendships include hugs, tears, laughs, advice, tough love, support, more hugs, sleepovers, etc.

A romantic relationship is nice and desired, absolutely. However, this romantic relationship must add to someone's life. Not be a drain or demand or drab.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-07-02T16:53:15+00:00

Women are never single, they always have a guy lined up in the background. Who wouldn't be happy with an abundance of choice, attention, and lack of accountability?

The difference with Men is that Men have to struggle which women usually don't.

Oli_love90 · 2023-07-02T20:59:46+00:00

I mean there are single women into their 30s/40s who this community would deem “post wall” with dwindling options. I’m sure theyre aware that their dating situation won’t be as fruitful.

I think some happily single women are tired of dealing with men or never really dealt with men so they don’t feel like their missing anything by not being in a relationship.

social_mules_alt · 2023-07-03T00:40:50+00:00

Single women aren't happier than single men and the "study" that says they are has been debunked at least two dozen times on this very sub. Do you wanna know what that "study" consisted of? It consisted of asking married women how happy they were while their husbands were in the room then asking those same women how happy they were after their husbands left the room.

That's some heavy duty scholarly research right there. Some real New England Journal of Medicine caliber shit.

wtknight · 2023-07-02T16:30:23+00:00

Probably. I used to be a volcel and I was pretty happy. Once a heterosexual man knows that at least one woman out there finds him desirable, then he can be pretty happy whatever his sexual choices are.

DandyDoge5 · 2023-07-02T17:40:35+00:00

I don't understand this whole being single is a choice for women but not for men rhetoric. It doesn't make any sense and just makes people come off desperate

lolthankstinder · 2023-07-02T17:13:45+00:00

I feel like single men and women both weren't able to find someone. However, the women have easier access to casual intimacy while the men do not.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-03T09:38:54+00:00

It is their choice, yes and who said they are happier? Their mentality is: if I don't get the perfect guy, I don't get anyone at all. And thus they can pretend that they are happy all they want, but their emotional reaction tells another story.

TERFwhorethedinosaur · 2023-07-02T19:31:48+00:00

It’s because single women don’t have to deal with and clean up after a man. Nothing more frustrating than a grown adult male acting like a toddler unable to keep house.

LocksmithBig4103 · 2023-07-02T19:02:22+00:00

As a guy, my celibacy is completely by choice.

Regular_Biscotti693 · 2023-07-02T19:26:15+00:00

Why does every woman think she's a queen here and all men are cucked living in west failing society?

I live in Asia and I can get women with snap of fingers. Slayed tons of girls these last 2 years. In the few months I had power to date girls. I dated mostly 18-22 even though I'm 30 now.

mlo9109 · 2023-07-02T16:56:29+00:00

If it's a choice, yes. If it's not, no. Personally, I didn't choose my current season of singleness. I would've wanted to marry young and have a big family. Nobody wanted a commitment then (10 years ago) and they still don't now, so I'm SOL.

Also, the happily single women pick on the less happily single like me mercilessly. According to them, I'm a pick me and player in my own oppression. It makes trying to embrace singleness tough as I feel sad for them in a way.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-02T16:10:56+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2023-07-02T21:11:47+00:00

I think women tend to be less neurotic than men (I think this is partly related to women also being less ambitious on average) and neurosis and loneliness don't mix well.

Safinated · 2023-07-02T21:35:19+00:00

Single doesn’t mean celibate, for any gender

Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-07-02T22:07:40+00:00

I think women are single mostly because they don’t have time or can’t find a guy who is interested in more then sex. They have other positives going on like education, side gigs and friends.

For men we are single because we are too poor and uneducated. Which causes drug addiction, hopelessness, depression and despair.

2023-07-02T22:58:34+00:00

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but women are more likely to seek therapy and be on anti depressants. Men just kinda wallow in their misery.

I know the anti depressants would imply that they aren't happy, but someone who was sad/lonely is going to feel happier on meds + going to therapy (usually). Just one aspect of it I think.

Extra_Community_3315 · 2023-07-02T23:41:12+00:00

They don’t choose to be single it’s just that no man wants them

Far_Welcome101 · 2023-07-02T23:50:43+00:00

Women have more friends and better social circles than men usually especially pretty women.

c0pkill3r · 2023-07-02T23:50:45+00:00

I think I agree. I've been thinking a lot about single moms because of stuff I've been reading on here lately. I think single moms know the guy they are breeding with will leave. I think they want it but just say they don't because they want attention for being some kind of victim and it will make it easier for them to abuse their kid(s) that way. I think they are thinking they want the guy but they want a version of him that's helpless, dependant, and unable to escape her: a child. I think there's an attachment issue happening where they want to be validated that a person who has any value will leave, and that's what makes the guy who's signaling he will leave so appealing. In her mind that's how she establishes he's better than her. Because he leaves her. But the worst part is the dude who leaves because it just means he's enabling a child abuser. I really think a guy who does that goes back to what you are talking about in your post. Basically him having offspring at all proves he's desirable for something, it means he exists in society, so he doesn't care how brutally horrific that kid's life is as a result of his actions. They are both children abusers.

lotsofhubris · 2023-07-03T01:30:10+00:00

Men can outsource their sexual needs—it’s called hookers.

Blaphrodite · 2023-07-03T01:42:12+00:00

Im happily single and celibate. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything or there’s a whole lot a guy can offer that is worth the headache or heartache. I get dates and get compliments when out so I know I’m attractive.

I’m not interested in casual sex and most men are not interested in emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. And most women value safety and emotional intimacy.

You might be right in your theory.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-07-03T04:51:16+00:00

It’s because they have meaningful friends and some yearn for sex the same way

Lv99_Slacker · 2023-07-03T05:44:59+00:00

"I almost never see the female version of this."

Lurk in lesbian forums. Like LChat.

https://thelchat.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=4

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-07-03T07:27:48+00:00

I’ve been celibate for about 2 and a half years. I’ve felt comfortable during this time. No pregnancy scares, no worries about stds, my health is better now that I don’t have anyone throwing my ph off, no worries about someone looking at my naked body, no one accusing me of being with other people. It’s just peaceful in comparison to what I see people in relationships deal with. I’m happy with no one begging me for sex and making sex feel like a chore.

Of course I’ve struggled with it and considered going back out on dates but options don’t really mean much if they don’t satisfy the need that I’m looking for. Men might just be looking for sex but women would be looking for good sex. There’s no point of taking so much risk for no guarantee of the goal. I can stay home by myself and definitely make myself cum or I can meet up with a random man, not cum at all, and then have anxiety about things that feel off in my body afterwards.

Obj3ctivePerspective · 2023-07-03T11:23:58+00:00

Their loneliness is mostly a choice

lady_ven0m · 2023-07-03T12:56:35+00:00

Idk if it’s because I’m neurodivergent or because my whole life I had to fight for my peace/independence, but I love being left tf alone. Even social interactions with friends are exhausting for me right now and I don’t have the energy most days. I normally consider myself an ambivert, but between being a single parent, working full time, and working out, I just have very little free time and I like to spend most of that time by myself. I’m very picky about who I spend my free time with. I don’t really care to date at the moment either.

dal1985 · 2023-07-03T13:00:05+00:00

People SAY they are but we don’t actually SEE it do we? Because let’s face it there is video after video of women complaining about not being able to find a man or husband, people like to act like men don’t have support from other men but they do, plus if they are so happy then why is anti depressant use higher amongst women? If anything women hold men back from their true potential

Flash_4_Crab · 2023-07-03T15:40:27+00:00

False premise. Women aren't happier single.

Where's the male equivalent of TwoX or NHGW subreddits?

Oh that's right there isn't one. You know why? Because guys that are happy single spend all their time on hobbies. Half the time girls that are "Happy" single are actually miserable and the spend a bunch of time complaining to each other that men are the problem.

resurrect_john_brown · 2023-07-04T15:42:11+00:00

Women aren't taught to center their personal concept of femininity and their entire fucking identities around sex and sexually exploiting men. Men get taught the exact opposite, and internet porn has made it so much worse in a bunch of ways.

Women don't have an issue with seeing men as fellow human beings and generally take an actual interest in the lives of the men close to them, so they are more likely to see sex as a mutual activity and something that enhances relationships/intimacy. Men, on the other hand, apparently have no interest in getting to know, befriend, or just understand who women are; all they care about is what they can get women to do for/to them, because that's what soothes their egos. Speaking for myself, I'd rather spend a day on the side of a Louisiana highway picking up trash and digging ditches with convicts from Angola than waste my time sleeping with guys like that.

Women actually have to take responsibility for their sexual conduct, so they have plenty of good reasons to refrain without much regret or sense of unjust sacrifice.

Women typically don't treat men like they are owed sex and make a man's life hell if they don't get it. That's a huge turn off.

bonsaifigtree · 2023-07-06T23:14:22+00:00

Women are also far more likely to be demisexual and graysexual. And have lower libidos, on average. If my libido was lower and intermittent, I'd be a lot happier with just friends.

Title	Is the reason why single women are happier than single men because their celibacy is mostly a choice?
Author	-snickerss-
Upvotes	110
Comments	210
Date	July 2, 2023 4:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14os2w7/is_the_reason_why_single_women_are_happier_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-reason-why-single-women-are-happier-than.1224291 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224291

Comments