Do you think that in the age of equality, we should push for a 50/50 dating culture?

Pathosgrim · 2023-09-12T07:35:33+00:00

That will never happen because people want to have their cake and eat it.

Temporary_Cow · 2023-09-12T13:38:16+00:00

If you just want all of the good stuff of equality without giving up anything in return, I cease to take you seriously as an adult human being. You're just a spoiled child.

Maractop · 2023-09-12T07:37:24+00:00

It can get pushed as much as people want but I think it will never be the thing the majority of women want. There are girls my age who say that spliting costs with a guy is having a roomate or a friend and not a boyfriend. I think most girls would prefer contributing as little as possible. Even splitting costs on dates is seen as a red flag to alot of them. I dont see that changing anytime soon. The only traditional practices that can be abandoned are the ones that women dont want. Women can abandon whatever they want and there will still be men interested in them. If you try to abandon things as a guy your chances with women will decrease dramatically and will keep decreasing the further you get from the norm.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-09-12T06:54:47+00:00

You’ll never be able to “abandon” traditional dating practices because those patterns of behavior and the traits we find attractive have been selected for by evolution.

Dating is not and will never be 50/50.

Men will always have it harder to get casual sex and will need to do all the chasing. Women will always have it easier and will only need to filter.

Men and women are fundamentally different at a biological level. Specifically the Y chromosome and male specific sex hormones has a dramatic impact on dating behavior.

palatine09 · 2023-09-12T08:03:37+00:00

You can try if you like

sweetbrown89 · 2023-09-12T15:23:37+00:00

I already aim for 50/50 in the relationships I have — largely because it makes me uncomfortable and also that so many men use it as leverage material to pressure me for sex (I like sex, just don’t “I paid for dinner after refusing to split the bill, lemme smash” to my face right after)

Many women want their cake and to eat it, too…so I doubt it will ever end up in that cultural shift entirely, unless generations make a conscious effort to not hold on to the practice

It miiight become more of the norm as women end up dominating the college space

Pathosgrim · 2023-09-12T16:40:59+00:00

Chivalry was always just about reigning in powerful people (knights) form abusing their power. So now that women have a lot of power too, they should learn how to not abuse it. It’s called being a good person.

jonascf · 2023-09-12T19:34:52+00:00

are we ready to abandon traditional dating practices?

I've already done it. I have never paid for the girls coffee on a date.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-09-12T10:25:02+00:00

50/50 just means both sides get the same treatment, right? Like the woman isn't expected to be more chaste than her husband or do all the cleaning and the man isn't expected to be a stoic horndog who has to provide?

Sure. But people are pretty close to having that already.

People are ALSO FREE now to not have to pursue a relationship at all, which I also think is a good thing.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-12T09:48:04+00:00

Yes, but 50/50 works in the context of a truly equal society, not something that can be “pushed for” in isolation. The countries where it’s expected that men and women will split the bill on dates, are those where women are treated more equally in all facets of life, like Northern and to some extent Western European countries. The US hasn’t even had equal pay for women for very long, and despite outward equality under the law, most men hold “traditional” attitudes toward gender in many ways and do not actually treat women as equals. True 50/50 is only feasible if you don’t expect women to take on traditional roles like taking care of the household and a majority of childcare. You also can’t have 50/50 if men are still trying to bribe women to sleep with them before they really want to.

FightMeCthullu · 2023-09-12T06:54:00+00:00

Ideally, yeah - within reason.

If I was single and I asked out someone and insisted on going to an expensive restaurant they couldn’t afford…..I’d cover most/all their bill because I was the one who wanted to go.

But I think in general, especially in a cost of living crisis, encouraging people to split dates equitably is a good move.

Whether is splitting dates and then later on trading off who pays or whatever, or someone buying the pizza while the other pays for dessert, moving towards splitting costs is a good thing.

ratboi34 · 2023-09-12T11:07:09+00:00

Yes, chivalry made sense in the context of old times. Many doors were closed to women and they relied on men holding those doors open for them. That implemented certain benefitial treatments that women get in dating and relationships, to compensate for their disadvantages. However, the situation has changed. Women get a lot of encouragement from society and are mostly able to open those doors for themselves. Meanwhile the expectations on men haven't changed. If you don't meet those expectations women are most likely to get the ick. Also, why would women willingly give up benefitial treatments just for being a woman? Nobody would do that. There is also a biological component to it. Men are naturally the pursuers and women don't feel too comfortable in that role, because they are more risk averse. Being pursued is also the more powerful and easier role. Women wouldn't want to give that up.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-09-12T11:02:28+00:00

I think this depends on the type of relationship you seek. If you are a woman who expects a man to pay all the time and does not want to split bills, you are going to get a traditional man that comes along with some things that modern women don't like. Meaning you stay at home and cook, clean and raise kids, and maybe have a part time job. And the man is the head of the household. Don't get me wrong there is nothing bad about wanting these kinds of relationships, so long as they both do. And those relationships are 50/50 just in different ways, in that a woman contributes to the relationship a lot just not financially. If you are the man in the relationship like this though you need to be prepared to support the family 100%.

I am not that kind of woman. I split the bill on dates and am no way offended if a guy does not pay. I do want to be a true financial partner and do things 50/50. But I also am a fairly high earner. It is important to me that a relationship is a team financially. So I would look for a man with these values. I am not offended if a man offers to pay, or holds the door open. I am grateful. But the next date is on me.

The problem is there are a lot of women who want men with non traditional values but who still foot all the money. The women that lose their minds if a guy does not offer to take them to a fancy place to eat on a first date but then in the next sentence go crazy if men have traditional values. Part of the way to true financial equality for women is being an equal financial partner in the relationship.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-09-12T10:25:25+00:00

I'm in agreement with this. We just need to find a way to get all men on board.

l00ks-p1lled · 2023-09-12T12:00:23+00:00

Yeah societies should push (not forcefully) and send the message that 50/50 is the right thing to do if you are REALLY attracted to your partner (or alternatively the one with highest income pays a bit more).

The result should be more genuine relationships. women who want to settle without attraction should instead go for consensual sugar dating tbh.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-09-12T20:57:58+00:00

Equality in everything is totally valid

Shouldn't force traditional dating culture in a non traditional society

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-09-12T09:43:28+00:00

It's already becoming that way more and more. Where are you guys all from? I am in UK and it is already pretty much like this. Maybe it is slightly titled to the side of men paying more but that's usually for first dates if they initiate or taking on breadwinner role whilst the woman looks after small children. That's it. I can't believe there's people in here acting like it is an impossible thing when it has already changed so much to what it used to be.

obviousredflag · 2023-09-12T07:24:44+00:00

Do whatever you want. There is no need for a societal push. If you want to have a 50/50 relationship, you can have it, regardless of what other people do. Who is stopping you?

Ah, the fear of losing to the competition who is still "courting". So you want "society" to regulate what other men can do to attract women to them.

NakedStreets · 2023-09-12T11:46:21+00:00

are we ready to abandon traditional dating practices?

Why in the world would it make sense for people who want other kinds of relationships??

If a man wants to date a woman significantly younger than him (who hasn’t achieved as much professionally because of age) why would 50/50 make sense?

If a man wants a partner to be a homemaker, why would he pursue women who can pay 50/50 instead of someone with the qualities he’s actually looking for?

If one person makes a ton of money and loves fine dining, why would they want to spend their time at shitty restaurants because that’s all their date can afford?

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-09-12T11:47:56+00:00

I only know one relationship that isn’t 50/50. This is already normal in most places.

OzandtheWizard · 2023-09-12T23:26:00+00:00

Absofuckinglutely.

WeebR3axt · 2023-09-13T08:51:17+00:00

Women talking about reproduction when a shitton of people don't want kids anymore is so funny lmao. I think we'll reach a 50/50 dating culture (which already exists in some countries in europe) when a generational change will happen, we'll change nothing by discussing. Also lmfao people that say that ecerything can be explained by evolution are so funny.

Samphilbags · 2023-09-13T15:32:19+00:00

Yes. It's called men demanding a fair price for the value they offer in dating and companionship.

Women bear higher reproduction cost than men, that's true. And that's the argument put forth in favor of men courting and paying more for dates.

The missing part of this dubious value equation is more controversial but no less true in my opinion: 1. New pussy is better than old pussy. The value of pussy is a declining function whereby its value is the greatest immediately before the first time you have sex (anticipation); thereafter, the more times you have sex with the same woman, the less thrill/excitement/pleasure it brings. Men commiting themselves to one woman stomach a large opportunity cost in terms of new pussy. 2. Beauty itself is also a declining function (declines with age). 3. Anecdotally, I know very few men who enjoy the company of women outside of sex. 4. The "beauty" women offer in many cases is artificial (makeup, fake lashes, filters, etc).

All that said, a 50/50 date split is a generous offer from men and should be the bare minimum men accept when dating. If she's not contributing to the dating bills, then she IS a bill and you need to get rid of her.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-09-14T00:14:51+00:00

I’m for 50/50

Jazzlike_Worth_9908 · 2023-09-12T10:10:04+00:00

I think it's mainly men who want to pay for dates in order to increase their chances and women are fine with it

Ac3leco · 2023-09-12T12:07:19+00:00

Things will never be 50/50 because men simply like women more than women like men, and thus are willing to pay for their validation.

VoltairesBarista · 2023-09-12T07:15:44+00:00

We shouldn’t be trying to force people to do anything, let people decide for themselves

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-09-12T10:36:38+00:00

I believe that if you want to have a successful sex life you should give up dating all together. Dating signals the woman that you have serious intentions for her and that automatically means putting sex on hold for the foreseeable future, although she may want to get laid more than anything. See, when a woman senses that a man presents himself as serious boyfriend material, her conditioning kicks in, telling her "you must play hard to get in order for him to take you seriously, my mom told me not to put out for 3 months and my daddy told me that boys want only one thing and once they get it, they will leave me so I better make sure they are serious".

That's why it's better to just be a guy who is not offering any of that and you will get laid faster.

bruhminer · 2023-09-12T11:26:11+00:00

Just don't give women your hard-earned money, who cares, why does this have to so complicated. Your an idiot if you do that anyway, the kinds of men women are actually attracted to are not paypigs.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-09-12T14:17:44+00:00

A lot of progressive countries this is the norm. Sweden, Switzerland, Portugal, Spain, I've seen it in France. It's going to happen. It is happening. It will just take time.

y2kjanelle · 2023-09-12T17:22:20+00:00

I think people can have any type of relationship so long as it’s respectful and both partners are happy with the set up.

I think 50/50 is great. But I’ve noticed this trend that 50/50 is only relating to men not paying for dates and approaching. I never see anything men are doing to make it 50/50. Is he doing the date planning? Is he having the same standard of cleanliness? Are men no longer slut shaming women who approach more and are more open to being more dominant in dating? Are men the ones who are getting the gifts for family members? Cooking dinner every other night? Doing the laundry how both partners like it? Is he keeping track of the relationship milestones? Is he putting in the same effort emotionally and mentally? Is he dressing sexy and looking good as much as she is?

If women put more work for men in one area, men need to put more work in the other. That’s how 50/50 works. Men will no longer have any expectations for women to fulfill typical “feminine” duties more than they fulfill them themselves.

I bring this up because when I was more open and approaching it wasn’t valued by men. Even though they claimed that’s what they wanted. I didn’t see any more effort in other areas they just liked getting the attention and doing nothing else.

I mean if you look, men have repeatedly said on this sub, if he’s not paying for dates, if he’s not fulfilling more typically masculine roles, he’s not into tht woman and is probably using her for sex.

So if women do these things are men going to change to be 50/50 as well? No pumping and dumping, no chasing the dream of Chad, no more complaining and whining, no more “well she’s just more clean than I am so her levels of cleanliness is too much!” And just doing it without needing to be asked a single time.

What would men be fulfilling in the 50/50 arrangement?

Safinated · 2023-09-12T06:53:01+00:00

People can decide that for themselves, individually

LaTableEstBasse · 2023-09-12T07:53:35+00:00

It's about f**** time yeah.....

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-09-12T16:21:18+00:00

Lol

I push for a "I don't invest more than an hour of time and attention into a chick unless she puts out" dating culture.

More men should push for the "don't let women waste your time" dating culture

figuringLifeIsGood · 2023-09-12T06:57:57+00:00

do what you want??? people already do 50/50. but women get turned on by chivalry.

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-09-12T09:26:21+00:00

Outside the US this has been the norm for a very long time.

Alhambra-squatch · 2023-09-12T12:07:16+00:00

That would only work if women had the slightest interest in equality, and they don’t.

So it will never be 50/50 until men focus on masturbating for sexual release primarily and women become an occasional side salad of life, rather than the focus of it.

Of course, if more men masturbated then they’d find little use for women in the first place.

YveisGrey · 2023-09-12T13:58:28+00:00

No. Where is the equality? The cost of reproduction is still way higher for women than for men.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-09-12T11:06:16+00:00

In my experience, women don't want equality until after they fully established their career.

But as a man, I want to build a life together when young.

The two goals are mutually exclusive. Ya I wanted equality in my 20s, now I don't in my 30s, since it's hard to find a young girl to build a life with who is on my career level.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-09-12T13:14:56+00:00

No because women (even feminists) don't want actual equality. They only want equality when it benefits them, and inequality when it benefits them (men paying for meals / providing)

webernicke · 2023-09-12T13:15:33+00:00

Women will never willingly give up their power in the dating market.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-09-12T13:23:17+00:00

We will never have equality

Weary_Regular1256 · 2023-09-12T08:08:25+00:00

50/50 is very hard to achieve when kids are involved. It will be always the woman who will take more responsibilities within the household. The reality of 50/50 within a family is a woman who works and does most of the chores with a man who works and 'helps out' or 'babysits' from time to time.

50/50 within a relationship is easier to achieve but when a couple starts to live together again usually the woman takes more household chores due to gender roles. She can usually handle it until the kids come.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-09-12T11:52:40+00:00

white US culture has been pushing egalitarian dating and marriage for decades, who is we

Oceanic2017 · 2023-09-12T15:25:38+00:00

Are you going to grow the baby in your stomach for 4.5/9 months and push the baby out of your genitals for 50% of the labor? If so, let’s go for 50/50 dating culture

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wtknight · 2023-09-12T12:33:37+00:00

Women can afford to demand more from men because they aren’t as desperate for sex. The push by men for 50/50 dating culture stems from a male desire to have sex with less proof of commitment. Men will just end up outcompeted by other men willing to make more of a financial commitment to a given woman.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-09-12T12:41:51+00:00

The only reason why I want 50/50 is because there is no guarantee that the woman I am dating is not seeing anyone else. In this day and age, we as men have to assume we are not the only one. And thus I prefer to share the meal because I don't want to pay for a woman that is sleeping with another guy.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-09-12T14:40:22+00:00

Women would never go for it

bananachipking · 2023-09-12T14:49:06+00:00

I want it to but I think too much of (at least a solid portion not all) women’s attraction to men is based on what he can do for her, and they lose all interest if the tables are turned or even if they just have to do things for themselves. There would have to a huge cultural shift I think

IneffablyEffed · 2023-09-12T18:11:16+00:00

Equality means having the option to consent to an arrangement you both like, not an obligation to do every little thing split 50/50.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-09-12T13:15:02+00:00

Shawty if you’re too cheap just say that. There will always be a man whose willing to do the real work to impress women, to prove he’s a competent suitor. You’re just gonna keep loosing to them.

mdjfodiepcklrn2 · 2023-09-12T17:12:01+00:00

Good luck. Men are biologically wired to want sex more than woman and to be the pursuers. Women sit back and enjoy the attention, and are the ones who have to deal with giving birth. They have the options so they will do whatever benefits themselves

Rogue5454 · 2023-09-13T08:24:50+00:00

We aren’t equal yet. In the United States women don’t even have the right to their own bodies. Statistically women get paid .83 to a man’s $1.00.

Also, dating is short-term. The relationship is long-term. Statistics show that women are still doing the majority of domestic labor (cooking, cleaning, laundry, family life planning) & 90% parenting while working part time or full time hours in the workforce while men work their workforce job then come home & “relax.”

So you’re suggesting to save “$5.00 on a hot dog” making someone you’re trying to impress to like you pay for theirs with the promise of doing the “majority” of a “partnership” for a lifetime should you become a couple & marry?

fupadestroyer45 · 2023-09-12T12:51:40+00:00

Hell no, this 50/50 everything has to be "equal" nonsense already has everyone so confused and lost in the modern world. It's basically made it impossible to solve or discuss social issues genuinely or in a mature manner.

RonMexico432 · 2023-09-12T12:58:53+00:00

You can push all you want. Thousands of years of doing things a certain way isn't going to change because a handful of this garbage generation wants to be the girl in the relationship.

anon1029436292 · 2023-09-12T11:15:07+00:00

Surly that completely depends on the individuals in the relationship and where they lie on the spectrum.

Some people are more traditional, so it would make sense they date in a traditional way.

Where as I tend to have a more ‘modern’ dating style because I am more modern and I want a more modern set up from a long term relationship. However I still ‘court’ and expect a level of chivalry because I expect people in my life to be respectful, kind people. The same way I am respectful and kind to them.

punapearebane · 2023-09-12T15:39:33+00:00

There can never be true equality. Already because of our physical differences. But also our very very different sexualities, our general wants and needs, social expectations and so and so on.

We can push for something “more equal” but it will never be fully equal. Id say everyone should go for what feels natural in a relationship with another. In dating, going duch is the norm in most european countries and anything else needs to be agreed upon.

Yes, men make more effort in terms of being seen because their sexuality forces them to.

Since most women get a lot of attention they wont need to ask men out.

Nothing wrong there, just different sexualities.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-09-12T15:48:35+00:00

I don't even know what that means.

I respect the women I date 100% as my equals in a fundamental sense. And I respect women of similar capacity to me (such as my wife, who's frankly better than me in most ways) as my equal or better.

But I love to be a man. And I love women. And I love to seduce and dominate the women that I'm with, with their full consent, of course.

Different people feel differently about sexuality and gender. Fortunately, today, we don't need hard, top-down norms about the correct expressions of gender and sexuality. We can let people explore and express as they feel at the time, and then sort themselves accordingly.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-09-12T16:56:00+00:00

If you meet someone that's willing to go 50/50..the market dictates plays.

I can go either way if I'm with the person I want to be with.

shadow_nipple · 2023-09-12T17:28:46+00:00

Yes, but it won’t happen because there’s no incentive for women to push for 50/50 when most currently in a position where they’re dealing with simpy and desperate men. Despite the fact women are climbing the social mobility ladder in a rate quicker than the women decades ago, it still expected of men to initiate and provide for them.

Let me put it this way, there are women in my friend circle who are earning over 70k and have men of various classes throwing money and gifts at them for their attention. You’ll have give her a good reason as to why she should give that up for a 50/50 dating culture.

OppositeBeautiful601 · 2023-09-12T18:59:39+00:00

I think, on an individual level, you are free to adopt the values that you feel are fair. Unless your values are radical you can find someone who shares those values. If you think that men and women should completely share the cost of dating, you can find someone who agrees with you. If this is important to you, then don't settle for anything else. Be willing to be alone until you find a person who is compatible with your worldview. Don't go on a date with someone expecting to change them.

IamRain88 · 2023-09-12T22:53:39+00:00

Have your cake and eat it too

No wonder r/antinatalism keeps growing day by day. We are now seeing generations who were raised by parents who told them that having kids wad their greatest setback in life.

Operatesinreality · 2023-09-12T23:35:12+00:00

People should just do what they like and what they want in things like dating. It doesn't need to adhere to any ideology. It's like food. Eat what you like, you don't need to just eat one type of thing.

Title	Do you think that in the age of equality, we should push for a 50/50 dating culture?
Author	shadow_nipple
Upvotes	36
Comments	249
Date	September 12, 2023 6:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16gjxbz/do_you_think_that_in_the_age_of_equality_we/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-that-in-the-age-of-equality-we-should.1231550 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231550

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