Go work out they say…

Secret_Substance_562 · 2024-01-12T17:39:37+00:00

Weirdly, I was close to posting something similar. “Hit the gym!” means nothing if the last time you were in a gym was in high school. It’s intimidating.

Give specifics! Hit the gym and….? What? I’m early 50s and way out of shape. Not obese but “flabby” (to quote hans and frans). National chain gym? One better than the other? Do I just walk on a treadmill? What’s etiquette like?

For me it’d be like if you said, “Play ice hockey!!!”

CentralPainUnit · 2024-01-10T17:59:21+00:00

Like others are saying, there's a lot more to being fit and feeling confident in your body than attracting women. Being in good shape has a great side effect of attracting others to you -- and that's potential friends just as much as potential suitors, but it's so much more:

You sleep better.
You don't feel exhausted from just moving around.
You fit into your clothes, into chairs, into airplane seats.
You are sick less.
You have fewer headaches.
You handle stress better.
You have decreased chance of stroke, cancer, diabetes, and lots of other highly impactful medical conditions.

And if you find that you are interested in attracting someone, you have more confidence, higher libido, and less ED.

There's no downside to losing that weight.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-01-10T15:42:53+00:00

Working on yourself is good no matter what. Any reason to keep working out is good. Motivation is so hard in or after the divorce process. Staying active is the key. Hiking or just walking each day is great. As far as meeting other women, that will come when you probably are in a better mindset. I'm 11 years out and dating for a while and just looked at it from the fact of hanging out with some friends with no intention of marriage. Start to have fun and don't take it too seriously.

beezo123 · 2024-01-10T14:46:09+00:00

Attracting woman is not a good enough reason, and the laundry list of other reasons are " secondary " to that? Sounds like you're making excuses dude. Being overweight sucks and is a problem to be fixed. You're not going to talk healthy men into siding with you with your weak argument. And some good ass is a Great reason to be honest.

Friendly-Maximum9412 · 2024-01-09T20:49:50+00:00

I'm not a fan of the gym either. Get your exercise in another way. Sounds like you're a fan of food. So go till a garden. Plant something healthy when it's the right season. Start winemaking. Become a beekeeper. Take some cooking classes.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-01-09T08:53:52+00:00

I do hear where you're coming from.

I haven't worked out/exercised in about 6 years. I haven't been on a scale in a long time ... rough guess ... I need to lose 60-70 pounds. I'm 6 foot, and probably weigh ... 260, I'd guess.

I have no motivation, at all.

I use to be an avid cyclist ... I still, kind of, remember how great I'd feel after a good 50 mile ride ... my brain just bursting with endorphins ... my muscles just excreting ... I don't know what ... but it felt so damn amazing.

I don't give a shit about attracting women right now, but, man, I wish, for my own well-being I would get back on the bike to get those feelings back. For me.

team_starfox · 2024-01-09T08:02:28+00:00

Fantasy: you go to gym to.get shredded to have chick's throw themselves at you

Reality: every guy at the gym compliments you for sculpting your body

Don't dp it to pick up chick's. Do it to be better than you were

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-09T06:26:33+00:00

You build confidence and attract younger women genius

Dunkman83 · 2024-01-09T03:05:17+00:00

work out for u, id recommend walking, or maybe buy a book. its a good way to clear your mind

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-01-08T23:45:05+00:00

Definitely don’t work out to impress anyone else. Do it for your own health and wellness.

Revolutionary_Law793 · 2024-01-08T23:39:34+00:00

First you should care about your mental health.. It's impossible to live healthy while you are depressed

It is not about women, it's about you. Start with being kind to yourself. Everyone could be happy while single when they are mentally well.

Stacking_Plates45 · 2024-01-08T23:03:45+00:00

Find a good workout for you though. I couldn’t give a damn about lifting weights and attracting women. But I LOVE running.

Maybe hiking is up your alley, or tennis, golf? Working out is amazing for your mental health. It doesn’t have to be meathead shit.

Lost-Barracuda-9680 · 2024-01-08T22:00:51+00:00

Hit the gym to get in shape which will make you feel better and become healthier. But this alone won't make you lose weight. You'll need to manage and reduce your caloric intake to actually shed pounds. The byproduct of so of this is looking better and attracting women or men if that's how you roll. Trust me, your mental state of mind will also benefit because you'll just feel lighter and better. Keep your chin up and good luck.

whereami113 · 2024-01-08T21:48:48+00:00

I understand this.

I am also in the cant be stuffed lifting weights thing anymore.

I did it for years, got big in muscle mass, and after injury I turned into a blob. Emotional eating didn't help. I was eating the same when I was in the gym , and with not exercising , It soon stacked on. I am now looking down the barrel of surgery at 50 to get rid of excess weight.

For me , I am choosing walking a lot more, and travel. As well as looking at my relationship with food..

I make a point of riding my motorbike somewhere, and walking around looking at things when I can.

Whether its a new beach , a new town , a bush track.

I also have been using travel.

I just spent a week in Thailand over Christmas, walking around Pattaya every day , minimum of 5kms every day , and also Bangkok , and then Singapore. So many cool places to discover.

It was hot , and I being a fat man sweated a lot. I used shopping malls to cool down in air con , and then the swimming pool at my hotel to also cool off .I felt a lot better after each day.

Now I am home , I need to continue. Being back at work doesn't help either. I rive a desk . SO I asked my boss to supply a stand up desk. And I am waiting to go back to a field based role in construction , where I get to walk around a lot more on construction sites.

Better money as well which will allow me more dollars to travel between construction gigs.

There are different ways out there. Just find what makes you happy or is comfortable to you. But the only way to find , is to try.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2024-01-08T21:32:46+00:00

Im working out because I wanna feel good about myself....Never ever again I wanna attract women and lucky im not even attractive enough so it won't happen anyway but I Just enjoy working out and enjoy looking on myself ín the mirror. Its Just about what I can do and break my limits....its not about attract women or look good for them....its about look good for me.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-01-08T20:53:22+00:00

I'm so sorry that your going through this, I understand why you think like the way you do but exercising is to one, get fit and be the best as you can, but second, and probably the most important is to keep your mind busy so you don't think of your STBX, but if that is no good for you take up an old hobby or start a new one a , or do something you like as long as it gets your mind of the STBX.

RedWineStrat · 2024-01-08T20:32:04+00:00

I see you implied in the comments that you are clinically depressed. Go seek help. Do not submit yourself to being unhappy.

It's not just about attracting a mate. You should take care of yourself. Yes, working out is not all fun & games; it involves a struggle. Consider the fact that the act of living involves struggling, whether or not you work out. Exercise also provides as dopamine kick.

100 lbs is a lot of weight and as you age, that weight is likely going to bite back.

Ultimately, you have to want it.

If you're interested, intermittent fasting is a very popular & effective method. Wake up, exercise, and don't eat until 2 PM. Stop eating at 10 PM. The idea is to only have an 8 hour window to take on calories to ensure you are operating at a calorie deficit. You can move around the schedule as you see fit.

You need to burn more calories than you are taking in. There's no way around it. Discomfort is involved.

Plebe-Uchiha · 2024-01-08T20:30:17+00:00

Common misconception that exercising is all about being physically attractive and good looking. These are just added benefits. Most people grow up wanting to exercise for the added benefit. This ain’t the case.

Exercising is for your health. The truth is, the heartier you are the more attractive you are. This is true, but that is NOT the goal.

I understand if it is a challenge, but the reality is, the more you take care of your body, the more your body will take care of you.

You don’t need to do much. Just go for a daily walk every day. Hell, every over day. The more you exercise now, the less work you have to do in the future. [+]

King_of_Corinth_ · 2024-01-08T20:19:39+00:00

Your health? Did she leave because of how you look? Get skinny and date a 32 year old.

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2024-01-08T20:14:41+00:00

Think you're actually overcomplicating a simple idea. It's okay to turn anything into something you like to do. It's many hobbies that can be considered working out. Also. That's the luck to you. Stay strong

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-08T20:12:25+00:00

You need to focus on changing your mindset. As many have said, your changes have to be for you. It cannot be for anyone else, especially not attracting a woman. I have no desire currently to attract a woman in anyway. I exercise nearly everyday because I notice that my mood, energy and drive are way better if I exercise that day. I love the way I feel for the rest of the day. Try it, stay at it. You may find you feel better and want to stay at it for you.

If you feel depressed, there are many scientific and clinical studies that report exercise is as effective as anti depressants. Look into it these studies for motivation if it would help.

DanVA123 · 2024-01-08T20:10:52+00:00

Not for the women. Do it to avoid heart attacks and strokes. I did intermittent fasting.

azwildcat74 · 2024-01-08T20:05:09+00:00

Be the kind of person you’d hope to attract. I’m not saying this to be an ass but you talk about “misfits”, what are you at 100lbs overweight? Don’t do it for anyone but yourself, you can choose to make time for your health or be forced to make time for your illness, the choice is yours.

OpeScuseMe74 · 2024-01-08T20:01:54+00:00

Go to the gym or workout anyway. Don't worry about losing weight or building mass or looking good. Just do it to be healthier and have something to do. You'll end up feeling better and looking better as a byproduct. THEN, if you attract women, go for it. It's about you right now, not them.

Attentionless · 2024-01-08T20:00:23+00:00

Put on some headphones and dance for a hour every day I danced off 50 pounds.

slamdunktiger86 · 2024-01-08T19:45:55+00:00

Try Brazilian jiu Jitsu.

My favorite work out. Full body. You sweat like there’s no tomorrow in gi or no gi.

And with your mass, you will be a total menace even with zero skills. Just defense and Snorlax Masse would be hard to grapple against.

Plus, combat training clears the mind like nothing else.

Plus you’re learning self-defense and building a network of fellow assassins and specialists.

l3tsR0LL · 2024-01-08T19:42:59+00:00

I hit the gym to - do something, to get out of the house - improve physical self (weight, strength, endurance) - clear my head from depressing thoughts - challenge myself to meet goals

I don't hang out anywhere with my shirt off, so attracting females is not on that list.

lifeisallihave · 2024-01-08T19:23:07+00:00

I hit the gym, went running and still take long walks. I go to the gym a few times a week not because I want to work on my looks, for me it helped me clear my mind. The only thing I do at the gym is join a group training and it's been amazing for me mentally. It's helping in my healing process, less stress and some healthy benefits. I'm not there to lift as I don't even like that.

AStirlingMacDonald · 2024-01-08T19:16:21+00:00

It honestly doesn’t need to be working out. What you need is to find something that you can pour yourself into and be proud of the progress you’re making. It could be learning a new language, playing music, drawing, playing a sport in a local league, writing a book, working in a local theatre, playing some game like Magic or Warhammer competitively, hiking or outdoorsmanship, learning a new skill or trade… anything, really. Anything you can pour your time and energy into and then feel good about yourself afterwards because of the hard work you’re putting in.

FatihKilic · 2024-01-08T19:13:07+00:00

Buddy, you work out for yourself, not to impress females. You work out to clear your head, get in better shape, relieve stress.

GuyWithTheNarwhal · 2024-01-08T18:48:39+00:00

Sounds to me like you are still putting too much emphasis on impressing or not impressing women.

It’s your body. Your mind. Your life. Working out isn’t for just looking good. It WILL make you FEEL good.

Do it for yourself. If you do it for anyone or anything else, you won’t stick to it anyways.

pharmd718 · 2024-01-08T18:47:26+00:00

Working out for your best physical and mental health is not a distant second. Its primary…

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2024-01-08T18:41:38+00:00

Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit.

One suffers then they all suffer.

I don't even work out per say, I just walk on the treadmill for a while listening to music or watching something. Gives me a sense of accomplishment for the day.

woundedsurfer · 2024-01-08T18:32:36+00:00

A healthy body is a healthy mind. No one says you gotta look like an Adonis, but jumping on the treadmill and listening to a self-help podcast will improve your health and mind. Trust me. Don’t get healthy for a women or to meet a women, get healthy for yourself. First and foremost.

yosemitesam00 · 2024-01-08T17:46:39+00:00

I've lost 70 lbs since July and it's been so great for my own well-being. I don't care about "impressing" women either @OP, but holy shit do I just feel better. 30-40 more lbs to go and I'm looking forward to how much better I'll feel then.

Self improvement has to be a selfish endeavor, you're doing only for yourself.

Yeti_Dude · 2024-01-08T17:35:43+00:00

Work out and focus on your health.

dogturdcannon2 · 2024-01-08T17:29:43+00:00

Bro - use the thoughts of dying early as a reason to workout. It scares the shit out of me, and i'm only 40

Working out should boost your T some, then you'll find out if you don't really care about women again.

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-08T16:58:38+00:00

Now I'm curious, how old are you?

And everybody has baggage, the older you get? the more baggage you carry, its juts natural.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-01-08T16:57:33+00:00

Do what makes you happy, just make sure you know what that actually is.

I have depression. My symptoms lately have been confusing, because while I don't currently want to die or feel miserable, I have zero motivation to do anything. I haven't actually done work at my job in months. I just sit here and collect a paycheck. I can't bring myself to clean or do much around my house. All I want to do is sit around and play video games and eat.

Don't do that to yourself. Force yourself to go. It ALWAYS feels better after.

Also, I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but I'm young, fit, and I'm pretty sure I'm at least a six attraction wise. I make good money and own a home and I'm a notable, pseudo-celebrity in my local area. I get absolutely zero attention from women. It's not us. They just want piece of shit men who will treat them poorly. Women seriously are the problem.

Shawn008 · 2024-01-08T16:52:40+00:00

You sound depressed. And given what you are going through that’s not surprising. But working out is good for the mental health and probably one of the best ways to fight depression. After a few weeks or months, most people build an addiction to it and it becomes something that makes you happy and passes the time. You’ll look forward to working out and less time will be spent thinking negative thoughts and about your lost ex/marriage. You will also be healthier. Being overweight is very unhealthy. Take care of yourself and be good to your body and mind and your life will turn around.

Also, there are beautiful women out there. The spot you are in life right now, you just don’t see that. Get to a better spot and with a chance mindset you will see more good.

WartimeDad · 2024-01-08T16:44:03+00:00

Shift to a sport based exercise. It is fun to have a target to shoot at.

questionoffitness · 2024-01-08T16:32:44+00:00

Working out isn't a cure-all either. I've been working out fairly regular for 14yrs+ and still found myself in a very dark place at the end of my marriage. Dead bedroom, felt stuck in my job, and couldn't get the thought of why my wife didn't show me any affection out of my head... I was in a bad place despite working out 4 days a week. It wasn't until going through marriage counseling together and several of my own appointments to work on my own stuff did I make several important connections, pointing a finger at why I was depressed and just how directly connected to my marriage it was. It wasn't until I started making those connections and taking a long hard look at myself, needs, wants, desires and how those affected my life and relationships.. and who my wife was and how she was wired from the start.. how all the ways I lied to myself about her when we were dating, convincing myself she had a decent sex drive when in reality it wasn't there at all.. and how she wasn't that physically affectionate to start.. removing the rose colored glasses made huge connections for me, and none of that was possible on my own.. I needed help to do that. Even after therapy I continued to make connections as things ticked around in my brain.. and things would just dawn on me randomly.. and they'd rock me and I'd ask myself why I hadn't seen things this way before...

All this to say, find a therapist that works with you.. someone who challenges you in a good way to make connections about your past, about who you are, and what you need in life. About reasons why your marriage failed. To figure out your part in the failure of your marriage, not just all the things she did or said, but your contributions to how things ended.

sak144 · 2024-01-08T16:32:03+00:00

Don't frame it as doing this to impress women. You are doing it for your own physical and mental health. Now is the time to be selfish. Improve yourself for your own benefit.

NimueArt · 2024-01-08T15:39:22+00:00

From your post and your comments it sounds like you are battling depression on top of all your other stressors. This is where you should focus your efforts. Exercise will definitely help with it too, but it isn’t a substitute for therapy and/or medication.

You owe it to yourself to be healthy and live a fulfilling life. This may or may not include having a romantic partner, but having meaningful friendships should definitely be a part of it.

If and when you are ready to work out I would look for a class that includes other people. I used to do CrossFit. I have never before felt such a supportive sense of community and it made all the difference in my motivation to go to class and I met people there that I am still good friends with today.

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2024-01-08T15:38:01+00:00

The gym is not about getting women. The gym is about personal power.

uncclay5 · 2024-01-08T15:29:04+00:00

Health is wealth, it’s really about doing it for yourself for your quality of life.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-01-08T15:22:20+00:00

My teeth are crooked and too yellow (non smoker, no coffee, no clue why), I wear thick glasses (-8dps) and have red eyes from a chronic inflammtory condition. No threat of women just flying my way out of nowhere.

I just like looking in the mirror and seeing a hot guy (neck down). It just feels good and also makes me confident that i won't have a shit time in my 60s and 70s - provided I'm not going blind 😬 42 years old, train since I'm 18.

Ok-Assistant-1220 · 2024-01-08T15:07:16+00:00

Start associating working out with being healthy. At your age it start to become clear the withering of the body. Fight it.

S4z3r4c · 2024-01-08T14:36:02+00:00

Can't think about anything else for 90 mins a day.

I'll take that.

philbar · 2024-01-08T14:32:41+00:00

Working out helps your mental health. Forget the women and being attractive. Do it for your mind. It’s been proven over and over that it helps you be happier and have more energy when you exercise.

MidniteOG · 2024-01-08T14:26:49+00:00

If not to attract women, do it for your health. Physical and emotional. You never know when you may need to lift yourself up out of trouble one day. Not to mention the endorphin high

tragicaddiction · 2024-01-08T14:24:08+00:00

yes, being physically fit will help attract women, because you will appear more healthy

so the other more important aspect is for yourself.. your health. working out, doing some physical exertion will (as long as you sign this off with your dr) not only improve your own health but can also improve your mood, it forces you to get out of the house to interact with the world albite a tiny bit .

Jawn_McClane · 2024-01-08T14:23:32+00:00

Find a good therapist to work this out. It sounds like there more rooted.

BlackFire68 · 2024-01-08T14:12:50+00:00

You are 46. It’s time to think about lifespan and quality of life within that lifespan. Exercise is good for efficient serotonin use, overall health, mTOR pathway shutdown (anti-aging). Think about mixing in some intermittent fasting (more anti-aging).

Anti-aging isn’t about “being attractive to women”, it’s about maintaining your quality of life and cognitive ability as late as possible into your total lifespan.

Your outlook on women is pretty spot on. The older I get the more they have to compete, not with each other for my attention, but they have to compete with my solitude. I am good company for myself. You must add something above and beyond that in order to attract me. You must be more interesting - to me - than I am, and I find myself pretty fascinating.

South_Masterpiece543 · 2024-01-08T14:07:21+00:00

Only losers work out to be attractive to women. Dont pursue women. Pursue excellence. You work out for your self. Lift strong weights. You need to increase your testosterone. Consider TRT.

RichardCleveland · 2024-01-08T14:04:01+00:00

I gained about 30lbs during this process and lost ALL motivation to do much of anything in life. However a few years ago I was able to lose 70lbs simply sticking with CICO. And you can sit around an play video games etc (shouldn't though). I am finally getting back into that as outside of it being tedious to log, it's fucking easy and works.

Maybe try doing something like that? And from what I hear women our age on up aren't always the best options (baggage). According to some around here, men stay desirable much longer (fine wine so I hear). So consider maybe opening up your bracket. And I am not talking about 20s, but perhaps drop it down to mid 30s.

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-01-08T14:03:11+00:00

For me working out is primarily for my mental health

It makes me calmer happier and more resilient

Secondly for my physical health.

Last for aesthetics.

I go to the gym usually 5-6 days a week. I don’t go super hard but I have a routine that works most muscle groups and some cardio

That said-yeah. I do want to look better and I do hope to date and find a relationship

If I found a woman similar to my wife at her core I could see living together again

My wife was almost perfect. She was just never that into me. I just need someone with most of her qualities but digs me like she did the first few years

**the fact that I’ll never have kids again makes it more likely that I’d maintain some importance in the next woman’s life. I’m certain that kids killed our marriage.

***I love my kids so much. I wish my wife had kept me as a husband instead of seeing me only as a co parent

Title	Go work out they say…
Author	Relative-Visit-1917
Upvotes	34
Comments	104
Date	January 8, 2024 1:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/191lki2/go_work_out_they_say/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/go-work-out-they-say.1242509 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242509

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