What does everyone do to keep their mind off their ex?

traveler12166 · 2024-08-16T04:34:41+00:00

The best way to get over a woman is to get one under you. move on the rides over.

Masypha · 2024-08-13T17:25:29+00:00

You miss the comfort. Go play rugby or be in a community of men and you'll be yourself again.

Few-Relative220 · 2024-08-13T09:31:26+00:00

Go to the gym. Get a new GF. Thank us laterz

aqrdk · 2024-08-12T02:49:31+00:00

You are traumatized by the cheating my dude. Get therapy. For real. That will help you understand why it happened (or get you close) and most importantly that it’s not your fault.

NeverEndingConquest · 2024-08-13T05:03:50+00:00

Sorry you’re dealing with this. I filed in march. Final in July and I’m not looking back. It took a few weeks to work the bugs out but intense focus on mind, body, and spiritual enhancements has me feeling peachy. Just had to put a new woman in the friend zone because im not interested in a relationship with her. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Focus intensely on mind, body, and spiritual development.

yungcameltoe · 2024-08-13T03:18:15+00:00

Muay Thai Fighting Or Boxing

Become_Pneuma · 2024-08-13T00:02:09+00:00

Go to the gym and get a younger, prettier girlfriend. Problem solved.

CuriousBob2398 · 2024-08-12T22:34:49+00:00

Running and hiking. Go hard. Let your thoughts and frustrations all out. When I'm done I feel amazing usually and my anxiety is mostly gone.

Cheddarborne · 2024-08-12T22:34:36+00:00

In the beginning or lives were so entwined that i could barely go to the bathroom without thinking about her. I found things that I never did with her, and used it to fill my time. Gym and exercise, if you are too tired to thunk you forget her. When she pops into my head, I think about all the shit she pulled and ir helps, I am actually at a weird part in the grieving process, I revel in the stuff I did to upset her. Usually makes me forget about her for awhile, no clue why.

WiseMute · 2024-08-12T21:49:40+00:00

Antidepressant medications work dude. They help you get through the rough patch. You sound like you are at risk for substance abuse. Talk to your doctor before you do something stupid.

Poppopnamename · 2024-08-12T21:47:57+00:00

One of my favorite sayings about retirement is “its better to retire to something, than to retire from something” I like this saying because it helps refocus the goal of the situation. A lot people think the goal of retirement is to stop working. Most people find little to no satisfaction with that idea. They either die, become grumpy, or just go back work. People who retire to focus more on their grandkids, volunteer, travel, or start a new hobby often find a new meaning to life.

Just in case my point isn't clear. I think that while you didn't chose this transition you are still stuck on what you lost. You are constantly reminded of what you once wanted and no longer have anymore. You will only move on once you find excitement and purpose in your new future. I'm guessing there is still trauma from the betrayal you experienced. That will take time and probably some therapy. Hobbies are good for passing the time but you seem to lack the ability to move forward for yourself. It won't happen over night but just keep trying new things and allow inspiration to happen. Chances are that it will be a new lady that helps inspire you.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-08-12T21:44:10+00:00

Reading books helped me bc they require total concentration. I also did jigsaw puzzles for a couple years. It's just delaying the reckoning you have to do with her memory. Eventually you'll feel less and less. I have been free of mine for like 5 years now and at least once a week I feel the urge to text her and tell her was an asshole she is but I don't. The feeling is fleeting, like remembering your first love or something. Eventually life starts happening again, maybe not a new relationship but life changes you. In a few years you and her won't even be the people that were in that marriage.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-08-12T21:11:53+00:00

I could tell you hobbies, working out, friends etc but truly new women are what is going to help you move on the most.

There are plenty of women looking for a fling. Go have some no strings attached fun. Once you realize your ex was average at best in every regard you won't feel like it is a loss.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-08-12T18:03:54+00:00

A best friend that fucked another dude and got pregnant by him? The anger and disgust stage will hit soon dude and her weak toxic abusive behavior will revolt you

jimsmythee · 2024-08-12T15:55:16+00:00

To keep my mind off of my ex? I did 3 things;

I threw myself into my job. Worked OT if offered and sometimes I'd stay late at the office, unpaid, just to get ahead of my projects.

I spent time with my kids, just the 3 of us. Without their mom there to ruin things.

I started dating, and I pretty much went out with any woman who would go out on a date with me. Some were duds. Some were nice. And some became girlfriends.

By doing that, it left me no time to think about the exwife.

bizbunch · 2024-08-12T15:36:51+00:00

I mean not the beat friend ever right?

You thought she would be, but anyone who is that kind of friend would have betrayed you in dome way eventually.

Why look up her kid?

Find ways to block everything. Don't pain shop this

RaiderCC16 · 2024-08-12T14:45:56+00:00

My STBX also cheated, not physically but emotionally, and it was hard but I’ve come to learn that I was not the problem and that no matter what I did, it would not have fixed us because she needed so much attention from the village (internet) that I would never be able to provide her what she craved. Now I just laugh at her when she lies saying she isn’t doing it anymore cuz if she did it while we were married, why would she all of a sudden stop? Ha. She’s an addict. And that makes it easier for me cuz one day reality is going to hit her in the face so hard and her world will crumble

jjfishers · 2024-08-12T13:53:48+00:00

Once you see the cheater for who they actually are instead of who you thought they were it gets insanely easy.

skepticismlot · 2024-08-12T12:12:15+00:00

“miss wife”

correction, ex wife who cheated on you..

you’re giving her too much grace.

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-08-12T11:30:21+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. You have the right idea on hobbies, but everything you lisrlted Iis a solo hobbie. This means you are alone and probably living in your head. Find a hobbie that includes other guys and start to build friendships. That will help get you out of your head.

My $.02

roshi-roshi · 2024-08-12T10:23:48+00:00

I find there are certain times of day I miss her most. Usually in the morning. I’ve been having this repeat dream of trying to talk to her, but she won’t hear me or listen. I have to just get out of bed and go do my walk.

I think about her during the day and it takes practice to remind yourself why you’re not together and focusing on the task at hand (work, making dinner). It’s hard and takes practice.

I know I need to start journaling more about what happened and what’s happening now. Get my mind thinking more clearly about what happened.

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2024-08-12T09:01:03+00:00

Work and hobbies . Find yourself , use your support circle , check on old friends and elders they have a lot to teach

99corsair · 2024-08-12T07:54:16+00:00

The person you're loving no longer exists, and hasn't for a long time.

WiseMute · 2024-08-12T21:45:46+00:00

Gym gym gym. Guitar. Gym gym gym. Also gym.

Techdude_Advanced · 2024-08-12T07:08:51+00:00

A man should always have options. Go on sit there look at pictures of her and continue to feel sorry for yourself. 😂

cdisco_havoc · 2024-08-12T06:44:48+00:00

You’ve had several women ask you out?

Yeah ok, bc women are known for being proactive and asking guys out first.

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-08-12T06:21:20+00:00

WHO?

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-08-12T06:20:32+00:00

WHO?

UknownSk8er · 2024-08-12T05:28:06+00:00

Drugs, copious amounts of drugs 😉

Gattsama · 2024-08-12T05:21:36+00:00

No insult, but one of the issues is that you are delusional. You are not in love with her and she was not your best friend. Your best friend wouldn't lie, cheat, deliberately hurt you, etc. You are in love with the idea of her, you are in love with the delusional version of her you thought she was.

The disconnect between who you thought she was and whom she actually is what you need to work on. This women doesn't love you, love is a series of choices NOT a feeling. Her choices demonstrate that she doesn't love you. Friendship is about standing by and standing with someone. Her choices and actions demonstrate she is not your friend.

It's hard to accept, but she is showing you who she actually is right now. A lair, cheater, fraud, that doesn't care about you. And you do not want that type of person in your life.

Consider taking some steps back and asking why you have these delusional beliefs about her? Why you have trouble accepting the truth? And what attracted you to and made you decide to choose this person in the first place?

As you work through that things often start to fall into place. You will miss her less because you realize you want her less. It's a process, and to be honest it sucks. Because the truth hurts and delusions are comforting. But if you do the work to understand your feelings, where they come from, and then decide to redirect your feelings; you can and will come out of this a much stronger person.

Sorry for the drama and pain brother...

SuperConfused40 · 2024-08-12T04:57:57+00:00

How you can feel anything other than extreme anger is beyond me.

She cheated and left you for another man. If that doesn't kill all emotions you have for her I don't know what will.

Read the book, "no more mr nice guy" to figure your shit out.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-12T04:33:04+00:00

Writing down (or typing, or speaking aloud) your specific thoughts will help. If you feel you want to speak to her or message her, open up a note in your phone, and let loose. You need to work through it because there are endless triggers and endless thought loops you will keep getting dragged back down if you don’t. Distractions are temporary.

xjeeperx · 2024-08-12T04:17:52+00:00

I’m nearly 3 years out and still have bad days. I don’t miss my ex, but I miss the family unit. I also don’t care to date, guess I don’t see the point in risking what I’ve started to build. I just stick to my routine, work, gym, time with my kid. I focus on bettering myself. I’m down 80lbs since October of 2022, hit my goal weight in April and have been able to maintain it. Got a lot of reasons to be happy and proud of myself, but I’m just not. And I don’t know how to be. I just get up every day and go through the motions hoping that one day I’ll wake up and be happy I guess. I went to therapy, saw a counselor, I’ve been told I’m doing the right things, but I just continue to be lonely, and miserable.

beezo123 · 2024-08-12T04:11:54+00:00

Right now I do a Latina whose 8 years younger than me.

berzerker5000 · 2024-08-12T03:55:06+00:00

You still miss her cuz you don’t have any options and are holding her up on a pedestal. She had a baby with another dude and hurt you more than anyone could. Why would you love that?

Create an abundance of options with women and the missing her will fade faster than the trail of a shooting star. What gets you out of a funk? Fucking other women. Is what God intended and what will make you feel like a man again.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-08-12T03:48:01+00:00

Maybe you should talk with a counselor. An objective sounding board is a great help. Don’t give up on the positive things you are doing. Lift. Read. Play a damn video game. Walk. Talk to family and friends. Don’t stop. She left you and had some other dude’s kid! That all you need to know. She told you whole she was through her actions. You have a second lease on life. You deserve far better than that. Focus on you. Be good to yourself.

EntertainmentDull792 · 2024-08-12T03:45:02+00:00

I run, every-time i run i think about her at the beginning and run and run and run.

ww3historian · 2024-08-12T03:37:53+00:00

Imagine her taking her affair partners cum in her mouth and then coming home and kissing you on the mouth and telling you she loves you

LeathalWaffle · 2024-08-12T03:32:54+00:00

The gym and video games

ramboton · 2024-08-12T03:21:59+00:00

I wrote out all the reasons that I wanted a divorce, whenever I think I want her back I read the list......

Slowloris81 · 2024-08-12T03:09:07+00:00

My wife was my first and only true love. Once it was clear how abusive she was, I disassociated the person she became from the woman I thought I loved. I grieved for that person. It took time and help from a therapist. But once I came to terms with the dissociation I had no feelings for my abusive ex and missed nothing about the pain she caused me and how she tried to make me feel about myself.

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-08-12T02:53:15+00:00

First of all it’s normal to miss her. It’s human. I see my ex wife daily & miss her also but I just tell myself that life has to go on. It’s over. I think about the ways she wronged me & my goal is to be better for my current person who is great.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-08-12T02:50:26+00:00

What helps me is when I don't get to see my kid half the time and my house is gone and 20k of my savings is gone that usually helps me not remember that awful person

PerpetualMonotony · 2024-08-12T02:46:57+00:00

First of all, and I say this with as much respect as I possibly can, stop calling her your wife. I know this is hard to hear, but she stopped being your wife when she stopped choosing you.

Jiujitsu_Dude · 2024-08-12T02:44:21+00:00

[ Removed by Reddit ]

jefferypac · 2024-08-12T02:34:29+00:00

Workout and get it in with other women

stupididiot78 · 2024-08-12T02:34:25+00:00

Get a job that lets you work a bunch of overtime. Divorce is expensive and you're left with lots of time to fill. You can solve both of those problems at the same time.

Jumpy_Impress8733 · 2024-08-12T02:32:24+00:00

I’ve been making recordings of what I want to talk to her about… I just pretend I’m talking to her… helps me process everything… was married 27 years

Icerunner45 · 2024-08-12T02:25:55+00:00

Playing lots and lots of PlayStation since she is still on the run with our kids. I go for walks, talk on the phone a lot with friends/family, and lift weights. I can’t do much working out while I’m waiting to have surgery in a couple weeks that will take me out for ~2 months. I’m dreading the same situation you’re in, but I’m planning to remove her from any social media and never having any contact except about the kids.

domo_roboto · 2024-08-12T02:25:26+00:00

You make a rule, anytime you think of her, you drop and give 50 push ups (or whatever). If that doesn't work after a month, as least you'll be fit.

concordion · 2024-08-12T02:23:26+00:00

For me I took long walks around my neighborhood and called up old friends and family and chatted for hours. Sometimes to get advice about the divorce, other times just to shoot the shit.

The act of walking AND talking had an incredibly calming effect.

Top-Pop-2624 · 2024-08-12T02:23:16+00:00

It takes time. I was married 42 years. High school sweetheart. She cheated on me. I too thought she was my best friend. The betrayal I thought she would never do. But she did for what ever reason. I've thought about her everyday since I was 16. I'm 67 now. I still think of her on a daily basis but as time goes on I don't dwell on why. I'm starting to do things on my own for probably the first time. Traveling, hitting the gym and working part time. I hate what she did. But can't hate her. This is what life has dealt me. I'm going to make the best of the time I have left. But I'll probably think about her until I die.

HowdyHup · 2024-08-12T02:21:05+00:00

Really scuzzy dive bars. Hanging out people way worse off than me, playing darts always helps.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-08-12T02:12:55+00:00

You don’t miss her. You miss the fantasy of who she was - the perfect partner. She was not, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Our ideal person vs the person who we entangled with.

I know it sucks but once you come to terms with that it’s a step to get better.

Are you going therapy? Journaling and talking to yourself like if the friend you would need. Giving yourself compassion helps.

Beneficial_Town2403 · 2024-08-12T02:11:49+00:00

She did the absolute worst a woman can do to a man: cheating and severely violating your masculinity. You should be angry, and turn that anger into improving yourself in every way. See her as the one who cucolded you, and went for what she subconsciously saw as a genetically superior male. Read books, hit the gym, eat right, become a superman. Then go conquer the world!

Deezio1982 · 2024-08-12T02:10:19+00:00

It’s been since November, I recommend going on a date. Force yourself. Get to know someone and find out about their life. That will help you.

Special_Profit4509 · 2024-08-12T02:06:38+00:00

Find a actual best friend, actual hobby that take over your mind like hiking.

Also forgive them in your mind. Make peace that you will never be together.

Title	What does everyone do to keep their mind off their ex?
Author	Throwaway199179
Upvotes	45
Comments	100
Date	August 12, 2024 1:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1eq1un7/what_does_everyone_do_to_keep_their_mind_off/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-does-everyone-do-to-keep-their-mind-off-their.1527056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527056

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