Rejecting anyone for any reason is fine, the end, dating is inherently selfish, discriminatory and judgemental.

0kayz00mer · 2024-10-13T16:03:14+00:00

Judging people for being too shallow can also be done for selfish reasons. For example, it’s advantageous for fat women and short men to shame people for being fat phobic and heightist because that affords them more chances and opportunity.

Also there’s a huge difference between rejecting someone you actually gave a chance to vs never even giving someone a chance at all. People often confuse critique of the latter with critique of the former. Modern digital age dating can be very options saturated which causes people to hyperfocus on shallow, easily assessed traits. It is entirely possible for men and women to be too shallow in choosing who they give chances to.

obviousredflag · 2024-10-13T11:46:53+00:00

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Gravel_Roads · 2024-10-13T11:15:08+00:00

It's true that you are free to do whatever you want.

But it's also true that people will have opinions about it if you tell them what you do.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-10-13T12:56:56+00:00

Yep. Additionally, if you think it's wrong to care about body count or height, then you don't want to date people who care about body count or height. So what's the problem?

themfluencer · 2024-10-13T13:16:00+00:00

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the basket and yet there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like peaches. My #1 rule in life is to never take anything personally for this reason.

purplish_possum · 2024-10-13T14:19:24+00:00

People can have whatever crazy standards they like. However, if they do they're not in a position to bitch about lack of prospective mates. Ohers are totally free to mock them if they do bitch.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-13T16:58:13+00:00

It's wrong/unfair to care about X

This is a pointless attitude, I agree - however it IS a reasonable boundary. Just like it's fine to have specific qualifications for a partner... what their qualifications are is also a qualification, if that makes sense. Some people won't date people who discriminate based on height, even if they themselves are tall -- they just don't like the vibes. Plenty of men with money don't want to date women who only date rich men. And that's also fine.

Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-10-13T13:13:48+00:00

Agree one hundred percent, but sometimes it’s best to keep it to yourself. If you don’t wanna date a particular race, then you could be racist, for example.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-10-13T11:16:12+00:00

Yep any reason is absolutely fine. And the people who don't like that fact are just butthurt.

Immediate_Wasabi_920 · 2024-10-13T11:52:58+00:00

It's the double standards people complain about. Men are rejected for things like height and penis size which are things that are beyond their control, and everyone praises them and says "it's her preference, so stfu and suffer in silence". But then a man refuses to date anyone because she is overweight or has acne infesting her face and its considered body shaming, cruel, misogynistic and all sorts. Men who suffer with the things they are mostly kicked to the curb for are laughed at, mocked, ran into the dirt and get told "Go tO ThErApY" because nobody wants to hear about it. See the woman on this sub for a look closer to home. Women get support and even with their struggles they are still just a little bit harder than being on easy mode in the dating world.

MistyMaisel · 2024-10-14T01:59:07+00:00

Honestly, if you think sucking dick for money is a privilege, you should do it once. I don't think it's going to take more than that for you to heavily revise these statements. But if you're pigheaded maybe go for it a second time.

Although with our luck, you'll be into that shit. Is that why you think this? You're into sucking dick for money and are mad no one has offered to pay you yet?

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-10-13T13:33:00+00:00

No one absolutely cares about fairness in dating, no one adapts their preferences to make it "fairer" no one is the fairer sex in dating, people date who they re attracted to, not who they think is fair to date, hypocrites get dates all the time, assholes get dates all the time, women will reject a guy they find unattractive no matter how politically incorrect it is, ie bisexual men, doesnt matter is he is very nice or very egalitarian or how much he empowers women, most will still reject him because a man sleeping with another man is gross in their mind, thats how it is in the dating world, everyone is entitled to their dealbreakers, thats the truth.

People usually get angry at hypocrisy and double standards in relationships.

But it's funny that a large percentage of our history as a species, as a society, actually paid attention to justice and morality. If someone behaved like a bastard towards others, then he was expelled and persecuted without the possibility of a quiet life until he corrected his behavior or left society. And this system was observed and worked right up to the 18th century, when most of the population lived not in cities but in small towns or villages.

And the concept of justice is also a basic concept for us biologically, it’s normal for people to pay attention to it. Even our evolutionarily closest "relatives" among monkeys, such as capuchins and chimpanzees, understand the concepts of inequality and justice.

So rejection can certainly happen, but it's normal to feel it personally and be indignant about it.

EmpyreanDragon · 2024-10-13T13:05:34+00:00

The word no is a complete sentence so it annoys me when someone trys to inquire for the reason that they were rejected by someone. Calling someone a -phone or an -ist because they rejected you is very insecure behavior, just date people who like you.

VWGUYWV · 2024-10-13T21:19:01+00:00

Agreed. Also women think any man rejecting a woman for promiscuity is a hypocrite. This just shows that they don’t understand how hypocrisy works.

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-10-14T06:25:42+00:00

Of course just realize you could be rejecting yourself into a life alone. If your ok with falling in the shower at 70 and your 4 cats eating you after you die who am I to tell you not to. Reject away for any reason!

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-10-14T17:47:12+00:00

My life, confidence and self worth improved dramatically when I gave up looking for dates and relationships and started focusing on myself.

It lead me to discover my asexuality too which has been liberating and life changing.

bison5595 · 2024-10-14T17:48:16+00:00

You can reject anyone for any reason, the problem is those same people complaining about dating being tough and not finding a relationship. It’s fine to be picky, just don’t come on the internet to complain about it

Knife_up_your_butt · 2024-10-13T11:43:43+00:00

Any reason is indeed fine but I disagree that it's a good thing.

Think of it as a balance between individual freedom and what is necessary for a healthy society.

The current western dating is way too much focused on individual freedom at the expense of society.

This doesn't mean we should switch to 100% forced political marriages organized by your family. There exists a middle ground. Sadly this will never happen.

I personally don't care about being able to point fingers at a group of people and blame them, I want solutions.

driggsky · 2024-10-13T15:41:51+00:00

I agree but in general in society we try to structure unrestricted human desires and evil to at least mildly respect our moral frameworks

Yea dating is one of the few spaces left where basically its okay to discriminate against humans and their bodies so flagrantly and be justified but there will or at least should be some cultural push against purely superficial reasoning.

Furthermore, being short term purely attraction based has proven to also yield bad results for long term monogamous relationships which seems to be the goal for our social structure. There has to be some emphasis on people to discard their purely selfish and reptile brain desires and try to instill wisdom into them about caring about the person and their personality in relation to yours.

We in fact do need forces to curtail aggregate female desires. The same as we do to curtail aggregate male desires. We want a society where we at least attempt to try to create structures where reasonable people get to live reasonable lives. Not lives where 80% of women are used and thrown out and left single and 80% of men are left internally raging and hating society because of them not being genetically or socially superior to the top quintile

Barely-moral · 2024-10-13T11:19:29+00:00

at the end of the day the only reason why we date or not date someone is because we re feeling it or we arent, doesnt matter if the reason why we dont feel it is because of their past, or their height, or their income, or reputation, or hobbies, whatever, dating is inherently the most selfish discriminatory judgemental thing that exist

And that is a problem. The end result of treating dating as a purely selfish and self serving action is the continuous creation and reinforcing of an incentive structures that either ignores immorality in the best case scenario or flat out rewards it in the worst case scenario.

no one is entitled or owed anything in the dating world

Maybe that is a problem. Maybe someone should be entitled or owed something in the dating world.

Maybe a serial killer should die an incel no matter how charming they are. Maybe someone that saves children should have a partner no matter how socially impaired they are.

A proper incentive structure would decrease de instances undesired behaviors and increase the instances of desired behaviors.

No one absolutely cares about fairness in dating

I care. And anyone that recognizes the influence that incentive structures have on populations should.

no one adapts their preferences to make it "fairer"

I do.

no one is the fairer sex in dating

I am the fairer individual in dating.

people date who they re attracted to, not who they think is fair to date

I date who I think is fair to date.

hypocrites get dates all the time, assholes get dates all the time, women will reject a guy they find unattractive no matter how politically incorrect it is, ie bisexual men, doesnt matter is he is very nice or very egalitarian or how much he empowers women, most will still reject him because a man sleeping with another man is gross in their mind

And why should anyone that has a moral code be ok with an incentive structure that ignores morality or rewards immorality?

thats how it is in the dating world, everyone is entitled to their dealbreakers, thats the truth.

Correct. Everyone has freedom. If you use that freedom to reward immorality you are making the world a worse place.

Everything you say is true and it is true because people are selfish assholes that would rather chase self gratification instead of improving the world with the incentive structures they create.

Things don't have to be the way they are now. It is possible to create incentive structures that reward whatever you consider moral and punish whatever you consider immoral.

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Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-10-13T14:32:34+00:00

Don't you find kinda hypocrite that we use men resources to make the world "less discriminatory" against their(male) interests but the moment it's something that would benefit men it's just "fair and dandy" to discriminate?

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2024-10-13T15:10:32+00:00

While I don't inherently disagree with OP because at its base, who we chose to and not to date, is selfish- this argument of theirs is definitely driven by the same grievances as every dude on here crying about how unfair it is that no one will date them. It's almost like he's moved on to accepting the idea that in his mind, he's being treated unfairly, and that's okay because it's meant to be. Maybe this is the final boss, and all self-reflection is out the door. I don't know. Either way, this is a drab way to go about thinking and living life.

FiestaDeLosMuerto · 2024-10-13T15:51:54+00:00

I can say the same about anything else in life

Odd-Luck7658 · 2024-10-13T18:14:55+00:00

Dating is self centered; relationships are not.

Illustrious-Red-8 · 2024-10-14T23:04:02+00:00

If you wanna blame someone blame those who tried to take the "patriarchy" out of the things you found attractive, they are the most blatant hypocrites in the dating world so focus your rage on them.

I'm not sure what you mean here, can you rephrase?

Jello_Vivid · 2024-10-15T02:46:11+00:00

This is very true and that is why dating is complicated because what works for some people won't work for all

Certain-Ganache-6213 · 2024-10-13T13:20:47+00:00

True, i dated a woman and she’s like: "I'm going out with my good friend who comes over every year to spend his holidays here."

Sounds fun, i'm not dating women who do this.

Her: "Nobody ever had a problem with my very good friend."

Cool, fill your boots m’lady.

Some people have never faced a negative feedback from the world around them and developed this weird capability to constantly push the same boulder up the hill, only to do it over, over and over again.

KamuiObito · 2024-10-13T15:34:51+00:00

Lying to get sex should also be fine? As you arent physically hurting anyone. These type of ideas can be used to justify m pretty much anything that isnt illegal or harmful. Goodluck ig.

Consistent-Career888 · 2024-10-13T19:57:49+00:00

This should be simple. Anyone can reject a person for any reason. They should to be willing accept without complaints the result of their actions. I think the real reason you are asking is a little different. Let me reword

Women can reject anyone . They can be entitled, unrealistic, have delusional expectations. Women are also responsible for their actions and need to stop complaining there are no good men . Something has changed to cause these unrealistic, entitled, delusional behaviors.. That would be correct.

There’s definitely a growing number of women of all ages, socioeconomic groups , physical condition, very attractive to unattractive, with good to awful personalities who are interested in a very small number of men .

This is entitlement mentality where a person believes they get what they want , how they want it when they want it . Regardless of reality, other peoples rights and personal values . A woman who I spent a fun , intellectually stimulating activity buddy , sexually monogamous about 18 months with . Called this Golden 🐱 “ syndrome “ or mentality.

She wasn’t wrong , she was from a South American country and spending time near me . We have many common interests and had a great time after I left a toxic relationship. She noticed this behavior and said those women are going to be very lonely some day .

Creen que porque tienen tetas y creen que su 🐱 es mágico o está hecho de oro pueden tener a cualquier hombre. I will leave the translation to you. Her observation was extremely accurate.

Many people have seen the behavior. A 4 - 6 / 10. Expecting Chadwick Thrustin III to give her commitment. If she has sex with him . Just because Chadwick Thrustin III had sex with you during a dry spell, does not mean he has any feelings for you. You were a live fleshlight . Yes it crude ,apparently it’s the only way to get your attention.

My Latina activity and sex partner would try her best to explain this fact . The cruel insults, derogatory terms and vicious personal attacks were really hurtful . I said Puedes intentar mostrarles la verdad. Quieren vivir en el país de las nubes. Entonces, las puestas de sol y las nubes se evaporan. Entonces se quedan solos en la fría oscuridad. Deja que se estrellen contra las rocas de abajo

. I prefer Spanish if I can use it.. I like the way it uses words with out dropping F bombs for nouns , pronouns , verbs , adverbs, conjunctions , adjectives , and every imaginable combination . The metaphors are great . It something I love about one part of my ethnicity.

German is great also There are large words to describe what a entire sentence does .

Let women who choose so , to have unrealistic, irrational, delusional , impossible standards. In the end they will be lonely especially after 40 often 35

Let the simps , orbit and become the 40 year old never been kissed guy . There will be AI virtual girlfriends and sex robots . I suppose investing in lithium mining , and various AI tech start ups is a wise idea. You cannot stop this

There are ways to change the current in inter sexual dynamics. That will happen, unfortunately not as fast as many would like . Removing governments thumb on the scale is coming.

There are consequences for this behavior. The simps ,white knights and assorted enablers will also face consequences for their choices and behaviors. Dating was not always this harsh , judgmental , hypocritical and often cruel. .

There’s always a price . Nothing is free and this environment is unsustainable.. Hopefully it starts to change sooner than later. There are very real and very harmful long term effects. I hope things change for the better. Sometimes people need a through ass kicking . That’s coming it always does .

There’s going to be interesting changes in the coming years. If anyone wants we could create a better OLD app that makes meeting easier more pleasant , actually help people find a partner. Whoever does will be wealthier than Jeff Bezos , Zuckerberg or Bill Gates .

People want to meet and have relationships. You cannot change this alone. Many people equally men and women, don’t want to make a effort. The expect a relationship to appear like that order from Amazon. It doesn’t work that way .

Alwaysnthered · 2024-10-13T20:22:21+00:00

Fair enough. but let's remove all these BS double standards around shaming men for refusing to date fat women yet applauding women for rejecting short men.

And also, own up to your shitty standards and inconsistencies.

you like the 6 foot 2 guy who has a tattoo and m entioned he has a criminal record because it makes you wet and hot and you can't help it. when he mentioned he almost killed someone you touched yourself at night to that thought and had one of the best orgasms youve had? own it and say it.

You find indians gross and effeminate and will never date one, even if he is attractive. f'ing say it.

You are a 30 year old asian women but you still like to date white guys with baseball caps vs men of your own race because they remind you of growing up having crushes on the captain of the football team and you have this weird unrequitable need for validation stemming from your teenage years to be the "hot" girl that the jocks desired because you did not quite fit in with the white sorority-ish girls? say it.

you find it digusting when a guy says a compliment to you because you don't find him attractive but when the hot guy says it you love it. say it.

you told off a guy on a date that you were not into physically when he touched your leg for a few seconds telling him that was "uncalled for" and "completely innapropriate", yet a year earlier a guy met you at a club you thought was "absolutely gourgeous" and mentioned he introduced himself to you by running his fingers across your neck slowly down the back of your dress against your ass and you said it "was so hot it send shivers down your spine". own it. say it.

[btw these are all things that have been said by women to me, most of them totally well adjusted/normal innocent after they've had a few drinks and the truth comese out]

OuroborosMadness · 2024-10-13T11:37:36+00:00

Absolutely i agree with you. The consequences might differ.

If people don't be together because they can't be someone their possible partner desire, what is gonna be happen is loneliness among people increase, birth rate will decrease, economy will decrease and etc.

Yet, there is nothing wrong even your reasons very reasonable or nonsense.

LogoNoeticist · 2024-10-13T12:53:33+00:00

You are right and fundamentally wrong at the same time. It's an existential rather than moral issue. You are not to be judged morally for living a shallow life but existentially, it's a tragedy.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2024-10-13T23:41:41+00:00

I fully agree with this take. My problem is just the women who lie that women aren’t in anyway superficial and that only misogynistic man, or abusers can struggle, when I reality alot or these dudes are judged long before they’ve had a chance to display said personality.

Red pill dudes are right about the chads alpha widowing a bunch of women. what Happens to them in truth is that when they find a men who has the standards of her dream he instinctively knows that he can get better and just uses her for sex a few times, because she doesn’t meet his standards for what he would like in a LTR.

My problem with this is that a lot of the time chads ex’s use this as a method to bash all men for how they feel towards chad and his behaviour. They also act like they themselves where owned a relationship, even though their the first ones claim to the non-chads that no one is is owned a relationship which makes them hypocrites.

the rules for thee but not for me attitude is the main thing that bothers a lot of men. those women will cry that (usually the very hot and tall guy) owned them commitment while simultaneously claiming that they don’t owe short men or bald men or ugly men anything.

meanas9 · 2024-10-13T15:17:35+00:00

"but i feel lied to, society lies to men"

How so, is there anything to your 'feelings' which can substance to such an claim regarding your context?

Jazzlike_Function788 · 2024-10-13T15:39:57+00:00

I don't disagree with you, but I notice people feel the need to justify their choices in rejecting people and provide obviously bullshit justifications, which is what people end up arguing about.

You can just say you think a man/woman is ugly, you don't need to come up with a story. You also don't need to say anything at all "I don't want you" is a perfectly valid answer.

Internal_1111 · 2024-10-13T16:30:58+00:00

What makes people mad is just the lying as to why. And it’s really not to spare feelings either. It’s so prevent retaliation or future ramifications

BigMadLad · 2024-10-13T23:37:20+00:00

I disagree.

Much of the "stupid" reasons for rejection have to do with someone's poor mental health or insecurity, which is up to them to solve. If someone truly rejected someone for say their drink choices and its ONLY that, sure, but often its a sign of poor mental health and that will be spread unfairly onto others.
You should live a life that is sustainable, or at bare minimum not impactful as others. If you live your life this way all it does is bring everyone else down. I personally try to date fairly and go on multiple dates even if I don't feel it right away to give them a fair shot. Its no excuse to live life like an asshole and blame everything else.
People judge because it feels impactful and predictive of the future or outcomes. If say height was non-genetic, I think women would care far less about it. If one is certain their partner has left the past in the past, it should be much less impactful. It only matters because people are looking to build long-term relationships and in that sense the more time they invest the more vulnerable they are to being let down. There are good predictors, and bad predictors. If you are rejecting someone because they don't like a certain food it says far more about your pattern recognition and insecurity than it does about them. You should want to fix this about yourself before ruining other's self esteems or lives.
It encourages flippant and non-comm ital behavior. As a society we should promote relationship building and connection, not selfishness, as if we did and everyone acted selfishly we would see chaos, lawlessness, and in the dating world poorer education and outcomes for families. If everyone acted that way, nothing would get built, and overall as an attitude it screams you have no interest in making life better in any way.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-13T20:40:23+00:00

Puritanical American society lies to men and leaves them with no options for alternative forms of dating or sex (prostitution, sex dolls, brothels). I’ve been to other countries outside of America and it’s like a total shock at the REAL freedom men have in those countries. I don’t blame the patriarchy I blame puritans, Baptist, Presbyterians, calvanism, Catholicism And right wing evangelicals that reinforce the shaming of non-traditional ideologies. I don’t know but if I was a betting man I guarantee you more woman wouldn’t give a shit About a bi-sexual man or any other guy and his past. I would bet they would be less judgmental with that stuff. Not all but some, but I get what your saying no doubt we can’t convince someone to be attracted to us if they ain’t. But the solution in my opinion for men is to go their own way (become a passport bro, find another way to get what you want and less judged). Satisfactory Dating is over for the average men in America. For an average white woman in America she can literally pick almost any guy on the planet. This is do to social media and online dating but there needs to be a balance - legal prostitution in my opinion will reduce female hypergamy in America

AcanthisittaCool8201 · 2024-10-13T11:28:11+00:00

I disagree wholeheartedly. If someone is rejecting me because of my ethnicity you're racist. Saying, " I don't want to date you because you're white", is no different from me saying "I don't want to be friends with you because you're white." (:

"I'm not racist I just don't like white dudes as friends"

"I'm not racist I just don't like white guys as romantic partners"

That's how dumb closet racists sound.

Early-Possibility367 · 2024-10-13T13:41:47+00:00

There is a difference between "nobody can force you to date someone" and "rejecting someone for any reason is fine." I think most people would say that you can reject someone for something that is likely to affect you in a relationship and it's wrong to reject for something that doesn't affect the relationship.

The best example is of dating someone of a specific race. For example, a man is visibly Indian and gets rejected by a woman who understands that Indian parents tend to hold a strong dislike towards their kids' partners by default. While not without controversy, most would accept this since this is a high probability event that would affect the relationship.

Now, take the case of a woman who dates a white appearing man for 1 year. She finds out he's 1/4 Indian and breaks it off because she does not want to be with a part Indian man. Most people would say that she is acting in an unacceptable manner, and while we can't force her to do the right thing, we can give our verbal condemnations.

On another note, I think most people understand that people are more attracted to physically attractive people. But people are also frustrated that society props them up even more than they need to be which skews the dating market even more.

Even then, I have never understood the logic that one can't be angry about biological preferences. If someone was born without legs, of course you would recommend them to make peace with it, but you would not accuse them of a moral failing if they chose to be angry about it, so why do that for people who are angry about preferences? Either way, I don't think that the anger is as much towards biology as it is towards society.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-10-14T01:21:57+00:00

No, rejecting anyone for any reason is not “fine.”

There are different types of justifiability: epistemic, social, political, moral, existential, and so on. Just because someone’s justified in rejecting someone in one of these ways does not imply that they are justified doing so in every way.

People have the freedom to do what they want, but that doesn’t mean their actions are justified. In the world, we shouldn’t expect people to uphold their epistemic, social, political, moral, and existential obligations, but justifiability is in some sense objective and depends on certain conditions being met.

Title	Rejecting anyone for any reason is fine, the end, dating is inherently selfish, discriminatory and judgemental.
Author	Higher_Standard548
Upvotes	190
Comments	495
Date	October 13, 2024 11:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g2n7mh/rejecting_anyone_for_any_reason_is_fine_the_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/rejecting-anyone-for-any-reason-is-fine-the-end.1533159 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533159

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