How many of you have changed your preferences (likes/dislikes, turn-ons/turn-offs) because of begging; pleading; shaming; or derogatory remarks from women?

AMC2Zero · 2025-06-15T01:51:05+00:00

Never, no amount of shaming, name calling, or bigotry accusations will change my preferences, all it would do is make me ignore that person and move on.

growframe · 2025-06-14T23:18:58+00:00

Has it ever worked for what you prefer or want or chase?

No

Have you ever "examined your preferences" and then came to have completely different desires?

No

Have you ever been labeled a bigot of some kind and then started being attracted to women you weren't before?

No

Has a woman ever called you insecure and that made you want to date a slut?

No

Have you ever been called selfish and that made you want to date a single mom?

No

19whale96 · 2025-06-15T02:06:30+00:00

I changed my preferences as a teenager when I heard the whole 'fatphobia' argument and got an objective look at myself. That's about it.

kopdjernigan · 2025-06-14T23:14:51+00:00

No and I’ve never been called fatphobic for not dating fat woman, most of my peers are pretty understanding of single people without kids not wanting to date others with kids, no one has ever shamed me for not wanting to date a lady known to get around.

I’m not out here shaming others and saying harmful things. I just say “not my type” or “I don’t find her attractive” or “I don’t want to deal with kids” and move on.

All this shame shit for this stuff I hear is mostly online rhetorics.

Maybe the only thing I a bit annoyed about was paying for first dates but I think that was more of me being cheap at the time in my early 20s rather than mad at gender roles. I’ve accepted paying for first dates and I sort of wish I didn’t hesitate earlier. Taking woman out on nice dates is my jam.

My preferences were fit woman, shorter than me, makes six figures, caring, no kids, no shitty dating history, could go on I’m picky.

Exotic_Cheetah5918 · 2025-06-15T05:00:02+00:00

Yes actually. I was an incel until I was 26, so I heard a lot of people tell me that I shouldn’t be choosy since I couldn’t afford to choose. People online would often assume that the only reason I could possibly be alone and unwanted was because I was only looking for supermodels. I was often told an ugly guy should stay in his lane and try to find an unattractive woman to date. So because of all this, I did my best to give a chance to any woman who would match with me on online dating.

Less relevant, but this unsurprisingly did not work out. I was beneath the standards of even unattractive women, and the few who did match with me seemed like they were only giving things a try because they were equally desperate. When I did finally find a girlfriend, she ironically ended up being pretty conventionally attractive.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-06-15T06:36:06+00:00

Nope, never worked and never will on anyone man or woman. I find it invasive, creepy and gross whever someone tries to crybully others into relationships they don't want to be in.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-06-15T05:02:50+00:00

The real argument is that culture and environment play a strong role in sexual preferences and sexual selectivity levels. It isn't just innate biology. Yes, the idea that any individual woman is going to easily rewrite her cultural programming on her own after some insult-generated epiphany is dumb. Cultural influences don't typically work that way.

However, the argument is that if men and women's sexual preferences and selectivity levels are being pushed by culture in a direction that isn't good for the individual or society, then such cultural influences can be undone and reversed in time. If there is honest and candid conversation, we can figure out as a society what is going on and some sort of corrective action can be taken. How well it works is hard to say. History is filled with situations where the culture was going in the wrong direction, everyone knew it, shit was tried, and it didn't matter much. History simply had its own momentum. But that doesn't mean you don't try.

No_Mammoth8801 · 2025-06-15T00:14:56+00:00

I was always kind of undecided about having kids, but the characterization of men as these parasitic facehuggers a la the Alien movies kinda pushed me in the position of being childless a lot faster.

I probably would've gotten there anyway with enough time because there are enough other personal justifications I can think of for not having children as well, so it's not something I mourn that much.

RayAP19 · 2025-06-14T23:32:36+00:00

For the record, I don't think this overall situation looks the way you think it does, OP.

It's not "You should like men who have X quality that you dislike."

It's more like "A man can be a good partner for you even if he's not 6 feet tall, doesn't make $100,000, etc."

It's hard to believe that someone who wants someone 6'0+ only would be incapable of having a good relationship with someone 5'10, especially if they're around average female height. It's these arbitrary, hard cutoffs that people are talking about I think.

A lot of women who have that 6'0 standard, for example, would melt if Zac Efron even looked in their direction.

RayAP19 · 2025-06-14T23:15:16+00:00

I was sort of forced to start paying for women on dates even though I'm totally against it, if that counts.

When I say "forced," nobody made me do it, but I was rejected for not doing it so often that I had to either do it or live with going on 90% fewer dates, and I couldn't take the latter option any longer.

The same thing sort of happened with single moms. My dating pool is too single-mom concentrated for me to have that standard even though I really don't like dating single moms. It was basically "Date single moms or go on very few dates."

Solondthewookiee · 2025-06-14T23:34:15+00:00

Nope. I've done my own introspection on what I like and don't like and can explain the reasoning behind them. I always thought slut shaming was stupid, even as a kid, because why would you shit on women for having sex like I wanted to do?

I do encourage men to examine their own preferences and think about where they came from even if it doesn't change them.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-06-16T03:32:02+00:00

No, and if it was coming from someone who wanted a chance, it was actively offputting.

Ultramega39 · 2025-06-14T23:17:18+00:00

No, I don’t care about what women think of my preferences. Also, is this a question for men or redpilled men because I think it might be better targeted towards the latter demographic?

Outside_Ad8196 · 2025-06-15T08:24:39+00:00

No but the takeaway here I believe is in the difference between women's criteria VS men's. Women's are sometimes based on completely arbitrary benchmark set by social media/peers/social optics to the point it sometimes begs the question : "Do YOU want this or is this for your socials and female friends' validation?"

Nobody is shaming women who are into tall men into dating 5'5 men, what's being said is "the number 6' is a vanity number". 5'10, 5'11 could do.

That's NOT the same thing as telling a guy who's into skinny women to date an obese one or he's fatphobic. It would be equivalent to telling him "look,skinny is rare these days, consider regular thin." And that's fair.

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Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-06-14T23:46:49+00:00

I have relatively low standards so I don’t think I can be shamed for much aside from not being attracted to transwomen. I’ll date high n-count women/sluts, obese women(provided it is like the lower end and she’s not too big), heck I’ll even date single moms if she’s willing to have at least one of my kids

shadowstep12 · 2025-06-15T01:52:54+00:00

I mean I don't date people for this reason also cause I don't make enough money to bother which also ties into this anyway

small-pp-small-smv · 2025-06-15T04:40:21+00:00

Shaming has made me reexamine my preference for tattooed women, especially for long term relationships.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-06-15T08:10:03+00:00

None. I developed my taste by seeing the kinda women out there and listening to how my brain and body reacted. No amount of shaming swayed my opinions.

Your_Mommy_Loves_Me · 2025-06-15T09:19:14+00:00

I'm the one who degrade.

Attraction is non-negotiable.

CerealExprmntz · 2025-06-15T09:20:37+00:00

Never.

because it seems like many men think this is an effective method on women.

And women don't? Women don't do this shit with men? You serious?

cuckspace · 2025-06-15T09:26:41+00:00

I have been more dominant during sex than I want, because that is what’s expected of me. I have also been more assertive in dating than feels natural or comfortable for me, because that is the only way anything happens most of the time.

Findol272 · 2025-06-15T09:36:50+00:00

No?

In my experience, men don't talk about their preferences so much. They just kind of allude to maybe being into this person, and you're like, "I hope it works out!".

One time, a female friend asked me pointedly why I didn't want to date this very fat girl who was obviously into me at the time and I answered it was because she was constantly interrupting me when I was talking to other people and drunkenly slapped me as a joke in front of a group of friends. The being fat was not even a factor. That friend got really quiet after I listed all the borderline harassment behaviour I was the target of from this girl and this was never brought up again.

babazuki · 2025-06-15T10:39:56+00:00

My entire life I was conditioned to believe it's wrong to date women from foreign poor countries. I thought I shouldn't for some reason. Like it was immoral. Like it would be taking advantage of them.

I did end up working in a poor country and meeting a woman that liked me. I was very hesitant to associate with her. I'm engaged now. I realized it was all bullshit what they women say about it.

Shaming does work to some extent. Almost kept me from being happy.

Snoo71180 · 2025-06-15T12:16:20+00:00

I have never, and would never change my preferences for any reason as it's my choice. This relatively new phenomenon of women openly making disparaging comments to men they don't know for anything from opening the door for them (I was told by 3 girls that they didn't need my toxic masculinity in that case) to taking offense at a man saying hello even though you don't know them has gotten out of hand. The only thing that has changed is I will know very quickly if a woman is kind and a decent person or if she's a misandrist because instances like I described above are increasing.

Certified_Dripper · 2025-06-15T12:28:59+00:00

None at all. The shaming is a good sign that I’m right and shaming just makes me double down 😂

The true red pill. Everything is about power, even relationships are about power. Shaming is just a tactic for people to assert, gain, or maintain power. Like guys slut shaming was a way to keep women under control to some extent, women use shame the exact same way to keep men under control. Women trying to use shame = women giving themselves away

Gravel_Roads · 2025-06-15T13:57:23+00:00

No. I don't listen to people and just do whatever I want.

Growing up a queer person in the Bible Belt, back in the 90's when everyone was scared of GAY people in bathrooms and locker rooms, you either learn to stop caring what people WANT you to do, or you kill your soul and start drinking until you're dead.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-15T15:49:36+00:00

Shaming is an effective tool. It doesn't lead to changed preferences, but it can lead to changed behavior.

For example: i still fuck fat women, when they fall into my lap, but i hide that from people who would shame me for that.

thunderchungus1999 · 2025-06-15T16:00:46+00:00

The exact opposite. Never had a problem with overweight woman, so society shifting to welcome those opinions and dare say hegemonize them a bit is more than welcome for me lol

_HighJack_ · 2025-06-15T17:53:04+00:00

I’ve reexamined some preferences before, but I have a really hot boyfriend ¯\(ツ)/¯

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-06-15T18:53:41+00:00

Attraction isn't a choice, although a lot of blue pilled people seem to think it is. They think that calling us shallow, telling us to lower our standards and saying that what's on the inside is what really matters, it's going to somehow flip a switch and make us attracted to women we're not attracted to.

Newsflash, it doesn't work.

Gentle_prv · 2025-06-15T20:28:35+00:00

My standards are as low and as broad as they possibly could be. I give lots of people the benefit of the doubt; also, unlike a good number of people, I’m willing to hear all sides of an argument/a person’s opinion.

As for preferences, I would say the floor for them is pretty low. There are women I would find unattractive, but those women, at least for me, are few and far between. For women that I do find attractive, I would prefer them to be shorter than me and are curvy, but I typically find any women attractive regardless of shape (save for unhealthy skinny and 300ish lbs women).
Even the preferences I mentioned are not strong enough to dissuade me from being into a tall and skinny woman, for instance.

For reference, I’m not single, and haven’t been single since I was 17ish (I’m 27ish), so in terms of the dating scene, I’m a non-factor.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-06-15T20:59:23+00:00

I’ve only experienced female friend groups throwing a grenade (the ugly girl in the friend group) onto me then shaming me for not hooking up with her.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-06-15T21:31:10+00:00

No. Learning more about feminism helped me change my way of treating women but never my preference. It changed based on self introspection after experiencing failure

No_Airport2112 · 2025-06-15T23:23:35+00:00

I don't know if being a man just made me more susceptible to womens' beauty, but I assume preferences are built on by early experiences, and media. But things can change. I have no idea why, but until the age of 23 I didn't like Asian girls. Got a little bit into kpop and now I think they're beautiful, and not just the celebrities but those with asian features.

But let's say preferences are as said in stone as you propose, can a woman who has toxic preferences that lead to abusive partners ever change for the better? Or would your advice for that women be to not date?

I mean if monks can set themselves on fire and meditate through it without making a sound I'm sure there's a little wiggle room in all of us.

flextov · 2025-06-16T02:13:13+00:00

I’ve seen many, many women try to do all of these things. I don’t want to be manipulated or bullied so I ignore it. I don’t do any of these things because I don’t want to manipulate or bully.

Listening to Kpop would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t try to get her to stop listening to it. I’d pass.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-06-16T03:22:13+00:00

I don't think men are as confused about what we prefer, as you women are, because our desires are not contingent on society's expectations or approval.

We like what we like, period. We couldn't care less about society's opinions, fashions, messages, or approval.

Women are a lot more susceptible to being influenced by societal peer pressures. Men are not.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-06-16T05:08:27+00:00

Not at all i would have to have no confidence at all to allow shaming tactics to work against me. Especially since alot of the times the things people shame they do so because they personally are against it for their own reasons.

If they believe i shouldnt care about a womans bodycount that is for them to not care about not me so why would i change my beliefs because they dont care about it.

Same thing applies to obese women considering its seen as bad to exclude them for being too big. So theres alot of shame for that as they dont deserve to be excluded.

Whats silly is that men are given are hard time for these preferences even though women still have a way easier time in dating regardless of their being men that are against it.

So its not like it has a massive effect or anything. Im sure it takes quite a few options off the board but everyone has something about them that would for others anyways.

firahc · 2025-06-16T17:17:39+00:00

Yes. I took a long, hard look at my teenage expectations and their problematic roots. It's not hard and it's not an achievement, it's the bare minimum for anyone who actually cares about doing feminism.

Reusing again:

Basically: no, standards aren't an unknowable evolutionary force that manifests through the magic wand of ick and sass. Rule34 singlehandedly disproves that, but I don't even need to cite it: the idea that the ultimate survival body is 5% body fat and perma-vocal fry is already absurd on its face.

I'm also not going to leave women off the hook here. It's pretty weird how the bar-is-in-hell, God-forbid-women-have-standards, non-whiny, non-toxic, non-deadbeat, non-ick, respectable man who goes to therapy is...a living, breathing avatar of cishet white privilege.

GofukYourselves · 2025-06-16T22:42:45+00:00

Bubba I quit fucking dating before mgtow was a thing and the current state of women is a huge turn off. The lack of accountability and the lack of self awareness is a huge turn off.

James_M_Croft · 2025-06-24T15:11:06+00:00

I am ashamed to admit I did that...

I was once a stupid blue pill and never noticed it. Oh well, live and learn I guess.

DashboardPilled · 2025-06-14T23:24:01+00:00

I'm curious, because it seems like many men think this is an effective method on women

Shaming still works for the vast majority of the population. Plenty of men still get married to this day despite knowing the stats and all possible consequences. Plenty of men still message women on instagram knowing that they are the simp #1267 who is doing the same thing. The reality is: the average person isn't self-introspective enough to make rational decisions. They just go with the flow. Applies to both men and women.

Me personally: I am a contrarian. From my experience, whatever "normies" believe in is usually false, so I think about my decisions based on data and not based on the common sentiment. And more often than not, I am right.

Whenever people out of nowhere compliment me or start shaming me I become very cautious because these things don't happen without a reason. If someone tries to shame me to do something I will definitely not do it.

wtknight · 2025-06-14T23:48:47+00:00

It doesn't work for me, because I am not very socially enmeshed within society. But I imagine that it would work for other men who care a lot about their career advancement and their social status in their community. If society (women in particular) is telling them that they are "losers" for having foreign wives from developing countries or girlfriends who are much younger than them, then I imagine that they are going to either try to actively avoid having those kinds of partners, or to become conditioned to believing that something is wrong when they behave in that way.

the_1st_inductionist · 2025-06-15T01:11:42+00:00

I changed my preferences three times due to shaming from women just while writing this comment.

Popeoath · 2025-06-15T04:34:35+00:00

Men are largely not going to admit to this even if it happened.

statsfodder · 2025-06-15T02:54:49+00:00

No, so bloops and women should stop shaming men's preferences.. soz you aren't what we want.

Muscletov · 2025-06-15T07:49:19+00:00

On a larger scale, I think the body positivity movement actually did, in part of course, make men more tolerant of overweight women and encourage men who were into such women to begin with to be more vocal.

As far as I'm personally concerned, I am critical with my own standards. For instance, I dislike tattoos and piercings but I would not directly reject a woman for that because I rationally know that it's shallow, judgemental and also cuts the dating pool significantly for no good reason.

Ylduts · 2025-06-15T12:31:26+00:00

I’ve been called every name in the book. I’m a successful straight white male. Why would I change when everyone wants to live in the society’s my ancestors built?

Title	How many of you have changed your preferences (likes/dislikes, turn-ons/turn-offs) because of begging; pleading; shaming; or derogatory remarks from women?
Author	fiftypoundpuppy
Upvotes	3
Comments	237
Date	June 14, 2025 11:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lblqoh/how_many_of_you_have_changed_your_preferences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-many-of-you-have-changed-your-preferences.1554919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554919

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