Do all men only want sex from women?

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-09-21T17:51:39+00:00

Attractive, high profile celebrities have the option to fuck a different woman every week.

Yet somehow, most of them are in LTR or married - often to women their own age and not 20 something super models.

Why is that ?

LeJacquelope · 2019-09-21T16:56:34+00:00

We also want intimacy.

Impressive_Client · 2019-09-21T18:02:55+00:00

He shouldn’t pressure you like that. But you have to understand that men at that age typically have very strong hormones relating to sex. That translates into very healthy libidos.

It’s ok if you don’t want to have sex that much. But it’s clearly very important to him. This difference between you is a significant incompatibility.

You both deserve to be happy with your SO in a relationship. Sounds like neither of you are that happy. Do you think he likes having to pressure you into sex? It’s a rejection for him, and probably hurts his self esteem. Like I said, it’s an incompatibility.

Perhaps ~~breaking up~~ giving each other space for a while would be the best path forward.

HumanSockPuppet · 2019-09-21T18:21:27+00:00

Sex isn't all I want, unless it's all she's got.

Unusual_Table · 2019-09-21T17:00:52+00:00

No, not all men only want sex from women.

eye_fuck · 2019-09-21T17:18:01+00:00

Most men don't only want sex from women. We also want intimacy, bonding. But sex is critically important.

Some women might find that men only want sex from them, but that's because they can't provide other stuff that men value.

oldguy_1981 · 2019-09-21T17:59:17+00:00

I might be in the minority here but I personally want a partner. Not someone to be led, not someone to be 100% subservient, etc. Unfortunately, TRP teaches us that this is blue pill thinking and what I am seeking is basically a unicorn as women will naturally be attracted to men who lead them.

DOSGAMES · 2019-09-21T17:44:10+00:00

Men, can you really love a woman if she’s not having sex with you?

No.

Without sex, desire, and intimacy we may as well be roommates.

Sex isn’t just about the guy getting his rocks off, it’s also affirmation of the bond and validation to him as a sexual being.

I mean I ‘love’ some of my female friends and family but it doesn’t sound like that is what you are asking.

I don’t want to seem judgmental but based on this post OP, it sounds like you are treating sex like a currency. To be dolled out in exchange for a relationship. You mentioned you often do it just to make him happy.

Maintenance sex is a thing, but it seems like you are quite early in the relationship to be thinking about that already.

Not to be too personal, but have you considered that you might be asexual? You didn’t mention anywhere in the post about you enjoying sex.

Not being interested in sex is fine. But if that’s the case you’ll need to find a like-minded partner.

sparksjoy · 2019-09-21T18:24:12+00:00

First of all, please drop that guy. Or at least consider it. If he's not making you happy or adding value to your life he shouldn't be in it. Adios.

As for whether all men only want sex, that's a no ime. I have plenty of platonic friendships with guys who know I have no intention on screwing them. None of my relationships so far have involved sex at all and I know plenty of people who are in close, loving relationships without it.

Personally I'd rather just stay single than be with someone who doesn't respect my wishes when it comes to sex. I have dumped multiple guys for being like that in the past.

poppy_blu · 2019-09-21T18:16:50+00:00

Could be a case of mismatched libido. It happens. Sometimes you just have to weigh whether a relationship is giving you what you want and is worth your time.

As far as men “using women for sex,” TBH at your age i don’t see too many men who aren’t low value and who have options investing time and resources in a LTR with a woman he wouldn't otherwise be with solely for the sex. That type of thing usually fizzles out in couple of months and he’s moving on.

I would ask yourself 1) is he a guy with options who could get sex elsewhere? If yes it isn’t likely he just there for sex, 2) are you truly compatible? I hear you saying you love him but I don’t hear you saying you like being with him — not being in a relationship but being with HIM, 3) based on your answers to the two questions, has the relationship just run it’s course? This is perfectly normal at your age and apparently why we date when we’re young is to figure out what we want and will make us happy.

[deleted] · 2019-09-21T21:43:26+00:00

What you are after is his non-sexual attention. You want more than he is giving you. If he were to give you that attention, you'd become conditioned to it. That's the new baseline. What will you want from him then?

Human desires are infinite. Resources are finite, including his time. When he gives you more of it, he is basically obligating himself to continue to qualify himself through whatever it is you want next. There is push and pull in every relationship. That pull you are feeling? Its desire. Just enjoy it.

Willow-girl · 2019-09-21T18:31:24+00:00

What is it you want, besides less sex? Marriage and/or children? Just dating for three years seems weird to me. OTOH it sounds like your libidos are mismatched sooooo ...

A piece of practical advice: If he's horny and you turn him down, of course he's going to keep trying (especially if persistence has worked before). He's horny! So at that point, if you really do not want sex, it's probably best to call it a night and go home/show him the door.

NockerJoe · 2019-09-21T17:10:35+00:00

One of the main unspoken things about men is men can like a womans company if she's good to be around, in addition to sex. But very few women are fun to be around by men's standards so a lot of women get used for sex. Obviously dudes can hang out with other dudes and not wanna fuck but we have very different conversations. PPD women will bitch endlessly about how guys want to find a girl who can bantz like their male diacord friends but at the end of the day those are the people we keep around solely for their company.

On the other hand three times a week isn't exactly insatiable. I don't think it's unreasonable for a guy who is in a sexual relationship to want sex that often and provided you do do other stuff it's not like he only keeps you around for sex.

ciswhitemale528 · 2019-09-21T17:25:45+00:00

Is this what love is? A guy only wanting you if you have sex?

It seems you are fundamentally mistaken about how men express their love.

Men, can you really love a woman if she's not having sex with you?

It's possible, but not for long.

I didn't want to believe it at first but after reading the things men say on here it doesn't sound like I'll be able to find a an who will love me and adore me even if I didn't want to have sex all the time.

I'll flip this situation for you : it doesn't sound like you're all that crazy about him at all. If you were, you would want sex in equal measure. If you were crazy about him, you wouldn't see his libido as a nuisance.

Women are going to tell you how that's not true, how they love their men despite having sex only on every second full moon, but deep down they'll know exactly what I'm talking about, since they probably had a partner whose dick was so addictive that they never wanted to stop impaling themselves on it if they could.

Taipanshimshon · 2019-09-21T17:22:33+00:00

Sex is how most men primarily experience intimacy.

So think about it this way.

As a woman - his romantic partner - what can you give him that his friends can't ?

When it comes down to it - sex is it.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want and desire other things from you.

But it does mean that in a romantic relationship - sex is the foundation. Respect and love are built on it.

Take sex away and what do you have ?

goneaway2thewind · 2019-09-21T17:31:44+00:00

Why would you want to be exclusive with him if you don't want to have sex, why not just be friends?

eboy4hire · 2019-09-21T17:36:46+00:00

The short answer is no. A guy can be all lovey dovey for you without wanting sex, but the question is, would you be attracted to that kind of guy?

Tyler_Gatsby · 2019-09-21T19:43:06+00:00

We love and fall in love through sex. No amount of cooking or talking or whatever can replace the bonding we get from sex. That said, get the hell off Tinder if you want more than meet ups for sex.

If after three years he still makes you feel empty and hollow, or not loved after sex- you've been living a big problem and mutual lie for years. You're not honest with him either, and don't seem as attracted to him as you should be.

Sounds like more of a codependent relationship, where you'll just do whatever to have a body around when you want. Pretty much the same thing as him- just for different reasons.

TL;DR: You sound like you're just using him like he's using you, or at the very least wasting your time with him if you want more. In three years you should have and feel like you have more. Get the fuck off Tinder, and at least try a more relationship oriented site if you are going to meet your men online.

cxj · 2019-09-21T20:25:28+00:00

I don’t get why him wanting to have sex every time you see each other is a problem? Why did you create this odd standard where men need to spend sexless time with you for their love to be “real?”

Sounds like he’s tryina smash quick because you don’t have as much time together. It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect men to go with 1x/week or less because you have this weird hang up

DevilishRogue · 2019-09-21T21:21:57+00:00

Guys don't only want sex but they certainly do want sex. Honestly, if you behaved towards me like you do towards your guy I'd have dumped your ass long ago. Reluctant sex? Unenthusiastic sex? Wanting to spend time together and not have sex during that whole time? Your lucky he has stuck around as long as he has.

Guys want women who like making them happy. Who appreciate them. Who appreciate the fact that the guy desires them. And who enjoy showing it. If you have different libidos it is likely to cause problems that can only be alleviated if you make the effort to make it work despite not feeling in the mood as much.

The only men that love women that aren't having sex with them are those who love women who don't love them back. You certainly will not be able to find a guy who will love you and adore you even if you don't have sex with them unless you are prepared to accept someone so far below you that to them it is a dream come true as any sane man won't stay in a sexless relationship.

tickledpic · 2019-09-21T21:35:25+00:00

It's simple. You as a woman know that you can get sex whenever you want. Just go into a bar and yell out "I want to fuck someone" and someone will volunteer.

So for you a relationship is not the primary means to always have an opportunity for sex. You have that opportunity by default.

For men it's not like that. For men the opportunity must be earned every single time. A relationship is a mechanism that makes sure that earning it is very easy.

Sex is a base instinct. Securing is very very important. Women by in large have it secured, so they have a relationship to secure something else - romance, stability, etc.

Men don't have it secured, so they go into a relationships to primarily secure opportunity for sex.

But just because sex is the primary reason for men to be in a relationship, it doesn't mean that romance and deep feelings are of no interest to him.

It's the same as just because stability is the primary reason for a woman to be in a relationship, it doesn't mean that she is not interested in sex.

As you probably can attest to, you are very much so interested in sex. So men are also very much so interested in romance.

TheJim66 · 2019-09-21T17:53:37+00:00

He doesn't only want you for sex .If he did he wouldn't be with you for 3 years.But sex is a vital component of a relationship.You can't have a good relationship with a guy without regular sex.Why would you try to cut down the sex?

poppy_blu · 2019-09-21T17:18:51+00:00

Can any woman really love a man unconditionally? The answer is no. Can any man love a woman without sex? Yes, probably. But most men need sex like they need food and water so.. sex is their priority unless he's really low libido or something. Men take love from a woman through sex. Women through attention.

Both genders have their "flaws", it's just different. Would you love him if he was needy and didn't have a job and didn't buy you anything? That's a rhetorical question. Most women wouldn't.

Women use sex to keep a man. So enjoy your power. Just because he wants sex doesn't mean that's all he needs. Simply you make him horny all the time. It's a plus. If it's too much for you, find other man. But sex is essential to most if not all men.

Maybe someone else will give you a better advice.

throwawy_12262017 · 2019-09-21T18:34:28+00:00

We want them to bring us ice-cold cocktails in lingerie too.

diffdedbed · 2019-09-21T17:10:38+00:00

No.

The problem is that some will use you for sex a lot along the way, yet I don't recommend holding out too long either. My wife and I were groping each other the first night, heavy heavy petting the second, and sex the third night together (which was 3 nights in a row), and fucked like rabbits long before I hit the falling in love stage. There was even a brief period I wondered if I should break up with her. That was 20+ years ago.

But if I were just a guy looking to get my rocks off, she wouldn't have known and I could have dumped her, etc.

You gotta take chances and risk getting hurt. Getting crushed because of tinder and being 25 with a first real BF are huge red flags that you might be high in neuroticism, and might do good with a clinical psychologist to help you out. This will also help you from being used like a doormat and become more self assertive.

darksoldierk · 2019-09-21T18:20:00+00:00

He's less happy with you when you say no because he feels rejected. Doesn't matter if you are his girlfriend, he feels rejected.

Well, sex is a part of what love is, but you didn't say anything that implied that he'll only stay with you if you have sex with him every time he asks. The thing is this, he has a higher labido than you, and that makes a relationship very difficult.

And the relationship will get harder and harder, since if you end up getting married, you'll start saying "no" more often, and he'll start resenting you for it. I mean, in his shoes, I wouldn't even consider getting married.

I can love a woman if she's not having sex with me, but not as my girlfriend. She's my friend, at most a close friend, but not my girlfriend/wife. Having a friend is nice, nothing wrong with it, but a person is not your wife/gf if she is consistently telling you that she doesn't want to have sex with you. Mind you, I generally think of myself as a reasonable person and tend to be very clear regarding the times I really want sex, and times I am okay with not having sex.

MisterJose · 2019-09-21T19:06:28+00:00

No, definitely not.

With the ONS, part of what happens is that we get filled with desire for you, and then that desire gets met with a real experience, and maybe it's not killer, but now all our curiosity is sated, our desire consummated. So, done there, on to the next one.

There is something primal to that desire to have sex with a variety of women. Men are naturally able to get erect again more easily when imagining or considering a different partner from the previous sexual encounter. Related to this is the Coolidge Effect(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect).

Is that the end of the story? Not at all. As a smart man once put it, "One sentence disproval: If men only wanted sex, they would seek out a prostitute instead of falling into a spiral of depression."

We want to share great experiences with you. We want to be able to share a look with you, and run off giggling to the bedroom with what's on both our minds. Realize sex, at least good sex, is going to be a meeting of minds. My ability to meet someone, look in their eyes, understand where we're both at, and embrace each other, tearing each other's clothes off, etc. is about how much we can connect in our mindset there. Sometimes I've felt like she was on that page with me, and gotten excited (more excited than just thinking about a random hot woman, which wouldn't make sense if there was no aspect of connection or person to it), only to find out not so much. Sigh, still alone...and alone is the important word here.

I want a relationship in which there is never a disconnect. That may not be possible, and up until now, it hasn't come close to happening for me. What happened, always, is that she had a different ideal than I did, so I had to decide if I wanted to go along with things, because it was better than nothing.

And although it's maybe less in the modern day, there's tons of men throughout time who have accepted relationships with women involve having to say what they want to hear, tolerating lots of negative shit they're not into, and generally keeping some things to themselves. That's lonely. Can you see how lonely that is? Men don't want to feel that way.

Maybe it seems like a paradox, but it's not. For example, I've always wanted to share my porn viewing habits with a sex partner, but have never gotten to. Think about that: It's this not-insignificant part of my life, and I've never been able to talk about it even with a person I'm in a sexual relationship with. I wish we could find the same porn situations hot, and use them as foreplay, or similar. Finding someone who is into that would be a pretty sizable coup. OTOH, if I'm 'forced' into this relationship with someone who I cannot fathom why she likes to talk about boring shit and do boring things and I can never to the things I'm excited for...how intimate can we be?

XtoDoubt · 2019-09-21T19:23:04+00:00

The real issue here is that you're not sexually attracted to this guy. Barring special circumstances, like depression meds or menopause, women are sexually attracted to men. This relationship should end. Next time, start with a guy that gets you hot, and then vet for beta qualities like good job and affection.

azngirl7689 · 2019-09-21T20:09:49+00:00

Stop having unwanted sex. No guy is worth that. Have sex that you want.

The3liGator · 2019-09-21T20:50:17+00:00

Say what you said here to him. If he's not a complete dolt, he'll try to work on it with you.

gopher_glitz · 2019-09-21T21:17:05+00:00

What can a woman in a relationship offer to man that he can't get from his friends BOTH male and female, his family, a pet or a prostitute/ONS?

It's genuine sexual intimacy and perhaps down the road, a family.

Anything else a man wants or needs he can get from somewhere else so it's best to play to your strengths.

Otherwise you need to find someone else.

Karmanger · 2019-09-21T22:04:21+00:00

Well if you are worried that all he wants from you is sex, then ask yourself this.....

What events do you guys do together that you both enjoy other than sex?
When you guys hang out is it normally all about you or him?
Do you spend an equal amount of time enjoying his hobbies as much as he enjoys yours?
Has he introduced you to his friends and vice versa?

If the only thing you guys do together is just Eat, Talk and Sex, you might just be in a one sided relationship.

jayval90 · 2019-09-21T22:07:52+00:00

This is why you should get married before you start having sex, especially on the regular like this. Once you share finances, a bit of an identity (that's what the name change is all about), wake up next to each other literally every day, possibly raise kids together, etc it becomes more obvious that the sex is just a vital mineral in the relationship, not "all the guy wants." Right now you're in an unfortunate in-between place that leaves him starved for intimacy without the ability to express his appreciation in other ways via his commitment and support.

IMHO, you done effed up by putting the cart in front of the horse, and this is what you're left with.

LethalShade · 2019-09-21T22:58:14+00:00

I really wish both genders could live in the other's brain for a week. It would get rid of 90% of questions like these. Because no, it's not all about sex. It's about connection, intimacy, comfort, etc but to men, sex is the deepest way to feel these things if done right and with the right person.

So once again, it's not all about sex but good luck having a fulfilled relationship without.

loke2dabrain · 2019-09-22T00:47:55+00:00

No but it's the main thing men want from women. Most women aren't worth having around if there's no sex involved.

gunbusterxl · 2019-09-22T01:41:38+00:00

Like everything else in life, it's situational.

If that's all a particular woman is a good for, then that's all he wants. If every single relationship you've been in is just the dude wanting to bang you and that's it... then take a long look in the mirror. What do you bring to the table? Do you have interesting stories or hobbies? Can you spark an intellectual conversation without involving netflix or social media? How many times has a guy been excited to do an activity that you thought of?

Basically... if you were a guy, would you want to date yourself? If the answer is no, then he just wants to fuck.

TheOGJammies · 2019-09-22T02:43:31+00:00

Men more than anything want control. It’s much much deeper than sex.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-09-22T07:33:14+00:00

Men, can you really love a woman if she's not having sex with you?

Well, yes. The way things are now, if you look at things, this is where most relationships stand. Why? Cause if she's not going to fulfill his needs when he wants too, why should he stay when he can find someone who will? No one believes in working together, no one believes in solving things anymore, it's all I have my standards and I will never settle and take no shit and if they can't handle it, tough titties. I see this in even normal social aspects, not just sexual aspects. This is what happens when you have a breakdown of social norms and traditions and while I understand and agree with that individual breaking away, this is what happens when not only everyone is selfish ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and this stuff is cyclical, if you do it, who's to stop someone from going "Well fuck you too!!! I can do the same asshole!!!!" ? and that there is no mutual appreciation.

Or, or, as always, you could/have the choice to find a guy who isn't just in it for sex and wants more, but as usual, he's either ignored/left in the no man's land of the "friendzone". Can't force nothing but can't deny that.

3vilh3lix · 2019-09-22T20:21:19+00:00

Men literally only want one thing and it's fucking surprising

superlurkage · 2019-09-25T00:22:00+00:00

The answer, apparently, is YES

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-09-21T17:03:04+00:00

No, we also want cats. Or that's how I rationalize us getting a cat despite my cat allergy that somehow hasn't been awful.

Sklavenmoral · 2019-09-21T18:39:10+00:00

So... I’m going to be completely honest here. If I want to just hang out and talk with someone, that’s gonna be my homeboys 10 out of 10 times. I’ve never met a woman whose non-sexual company I enjoy more than my best friends.

If I’m not ejaculating when she’s around, id expect value adds. Cooking, cleaning, bringing me drinks, telling me how awesome I am, would all work.

I have a feeling people aren’t going to like this, but my men in here know what I’m saying.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-21T18:12:28+00:00

A few times a week isn't really a lot.

Also, you're lucky he's still around. I wouldn't stay with a woman who didn't activity seek sex from me. I'd next a woman who turned me down regularly damn fast.

chaddad9000 · 2019-09-21T17:47:55+00:00

I know of relationships which ended because the guy was lower libido and was not initiating sex, leaving the woman to feel undesired. And I see comments on reddit where guys say "we have a lot of sex ... once a week!" So yeah maybe some guys out there are not super high drive.

But from my perspective its pretty normal for a 20-something guy to have sex with his girlfriend almost everytime he sees her, that's just part of the deal. Obviously guys want more than just sex, and fortunately there's higher libido women out there who don't see this as a transactional thing.

Rabidstuffy · 2019-09-21T18:08:18+00:00

You've been letting this guy string you along and use you for sex for three years?!! Three years!! You're 25 how much longer do you think you're going to be pretty for? You need to dump this guy ASAP and get back on the market to find a good husband.

Jesus no wonder you women end up so unhappy. Stop letting this guy string you along.

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NaturalQueer · 2019-09-21T17:57:48+00:00

Yeah you can be with a man that want more than sex, though if your not living together then I can understand a little bit why he wants to have sex on those days. When my husband and I didn't live together we definitely had sex when we were together especially if we weren't seeing eachother as much but now it's less (not because I don't want btw) We spend lots of evening watching tv or going out, doing our own thing or just cuddling up. But we also see eachother everyday and can have sex whenever we want so maybe it feels less necessary.

My husband doesn't just want sex from me though to answer your question, sometimes we lay in bed in the dark and talk for hours, do a movie marathon, try new foods together, study together, go out and have dinner, visit our families, travel to new places, and sometimes we are intimate without sex just making out or spending time naked together enjoying being close. And we both are happy with this, I mean I have a higher sex drive it's not like I am not giving sex we just have other things we do to express love and enjoy being together.

Sounds like you guys have different love languages yours seems to be quality time and his seems to be touch (not all men are touch btw). There is also acts of service, gift giving and words of affirmation. Maybe look into and talk with him about, trying coming to an agreement, example say your fine having sex x amount of times but you'd like x amount of time to just spend time together without that or change up the sex like can we have just quickies on these days so that we can spend more time doing something else.

Both of you have a right to ask for your needs to met but not at the expense of the other person, so comprises are important.

Most importantly you have a right to say no when you don't want sex. He isn't evil for wanting it but he shouldn't force you too or make you feel bad. I struggled for a while with being confused why my male partners didn't want to have sex all the time like me, as I grew up hearing they always wanted it. But I did learn and I make sure that even if I am disappointed I don't take that out on my partner.

Mrswizardwizard · 2019-09-21T18:03:36+00:00

Men are not animals. They are humans and have emotions, unique wants and needs, etc. You can’t group them all together as only having one want because that doesn’t work for any group of humans. That being said, men usually have higher sex drives than women and tend to view sex differently than women do.

I can see your problem immediately; you’re equating him wanting sex with him being emotionless, not being romantic enough, not caring for you, etc. It just isn’t true. Men tend to view sex with their partners as a form of intimacy and a way to spend time together. In his mind he is doing the right thing, he thinks you’re both enjoying your time together and having fun with each other.

Why do you view him initiating as him not being kind during your time together? If you don’t want sex, don’t have it. Only you know if his actions feel predatory or not; my boyfriend also does the touching thing to an extent after I say no but it isn’t predatory to me because I don’t feel threatened, we both know what’s going on and I know he will stop if I truly put my foot down. There’s a difference that some people fail to see there.

You should explore ways to have non sexual intimacy, spend time together doing something new, and have sex afterward if you can purposefully get yourself in the mood. It’ll make you both feel better.

johnhawkinsbp · 2019-09-21T18:12:08+00:00

Maybe the real issue is that you just have a libido mismatch. Your boyfriend wants to get laid every time and that's too often for you. It's okay to not want to have sex every day and it's fine for your boyfriend to want to have sex every time. Long term, for it to work, the two of you will probably have to compromise in that area to make it work. That may mean you need to discuss it with him and see how it plays out.

Can you find guys that will love you even with less frequent sex? Absolutely. In fact, going by marriage statistics, most couples seem to be having sex once a week.

You just have to decide if that issue is worth ending a relationship that brings "a lot of happiness" to your life over it. If it is, so be it. Do what's right for you.

Naebany · 2019-09-21T18:12:54+00:00

I tell you from my perspective. I enjoyed spending time with my exes. Would I still meet with them if I knew sex was off the table? Sure. But I need sex. Every time I meet with a gf I want it. I enjoy the time we spend together but it's just better if it ends (or starts and ends) with sex. So there's that. I wouldn't want to be in sex less relationship. That wouldn't make sense. And if she wants it much less than me then it's a real problem. Libidos got to much match somehow.

Blackarrow145 · 2019-09-21T18:31:03+00:00

Yeah, men do want intimacy and closeness as well, we just so happen to be horny motherfuckers, and want to have sex most of the time. Most men start to grow out of it by the time they’re 30 though.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-09-21T18:53:05+00:00

Not unless they’re gay.

wtknight · 2019-09-21T19:02:40+00:00

For most guys, having sex with their girlfriends or wives is one of the primary ways that they express love. But if a man truly is in love with a woman, he'll hold off on trying to have sex once in a while if his partner is not in the mood for it. A good sign that he isn't really in love with her is if he's never willing to not have sex with her when she isn't in the mood. On the other hand, if a woman doesn't want to have sex enough with a man and he has a high libido, he's likely to try to find somebody more sexually compatible no matter how much he loves her.

SocialObserver01 · 2019-09-21T19:03:02+00:00

Sounds like a libido mismatch

the-lone-squid · 2019-09-21T19:23:40+00:00

No, sex is easy to get.

I need someone to aggravate

rus9384 · 2019-09-21T19:39:53+00:00

Straight men want sex from women. That is why they are straight men. Duh.

However, the idea that they want only sex is weird. Don't you do anything except having sex with your boyfriend?

fevertree · 2019-09-21T19:45:55+00:00

Men want more sex more than women. Given how few times you get to see each other during the week I would expect him to want to hook up every time you see each other. It seems like you are happy together. Why not just have sex?

THE_ANGRY_SHARTER · 2019-09-21T20:15:14+00:00

Yep. They ALL care about sex. Some of them don't want a girl fucking other men, so they enter a monogamous relationship with her. Some of them don't give a shit who the girl is sleeping with so they scour OLD apps promising women the moon and all of the stars and they ghost her after sex.

Some of them need an emotional connection to a woman so their sexual insecurities can be calmed enough for them to perform, those guys also enter relationships.

vb_nm · 2019-09-21T20:33:49+00:00

You really shouldn’t force yourself to have sex when you don’t want. It can have lasting mental consequences. I were once in a relationship with a guy I was not sexually attracted to, and having sex with him made me feel like a prostitute and made me feel empty too. The consequences can be that when you find a guy you are very sexually attracted to the empty feeling may continue if you have gotten used to it with former partners.

It sounds like he only thinks of himself and aren’t even satisfying you when you have sex.

And guys don’t just want sex. Sex have been secondary for the guys I’ve been in a relationship with or dated. They have always been totally down with hanging out without any sexual activity as it’s the company they come for while sex is secondary.

I think women’s sexuality is more dependent on emotions so if you can get a crush on someone your sex drive would probably be as high as their’s. Right now it sounds like you just see your bf as a friend.

sivarias · 2019-09-21T20:47:48+00:00

There's a lot to dive into here.

Let's start with the question. Men primarily want sex in general. For men it's one of the things that defined love. If I'm not fucking a girl, we aren't in a romantic relationship, period.

That being said it seems you want a more "beta" type guy. They aren't going to pressure you as much for sex, they're libido is lower, and as a rule, they're going to be in worse physical shape and less "exciting". More apt to want to vege on the couch watching Netflix. Less likely to take you out dancing. If you can accept those trade offs, then go for it.

A more "alpha" guy is generally going to be more physical across the board and therefore in better physical shape, more exciting, and want to have a lot more sex. It's that simple.

That being said, sex 2-3 times a week is average, and if you guys are only seeing each other that often... It's to be expected. You can try finding more time together, see if once the edge is taken off he's more relaxed and seeks intimacy, or break up with him and find a safe guy. Your choice.

Bntt89 · 2019-09-21T20:47:49+00:00

No offense but it's really unrealistic to believe that you will have a relationship without sex. Intimacy is something men want in relationships, it's just a matter of fact. I think the problem is your view on sex its viewed as something that not apart of your love because you are a women, but to some men it isn't case.

SDW137 · 2019-09-21T21:00:19+00:00

No, some men want a genuine relationship.

BluesyWeasel · 2019-09-21T21:10:04+00:00

I have been together with my girlfriend for about 1,5 years now, she is amazing and I think the love of my life but she has a terrible history with mental, phisical and seksual abuse. So sex is quite the challenge for her. She wants to have it but more ofthen or not sex triggers trauma. She has been 100% honest and clear on this from the beginning and She struggles heavily with this and after a while she admitted she even had times she only had sex or continues the sex thinking I would think less of her is she did not.

I try to explain I don’t care for sex, I love her intensly. Sure sex is intimate and even important in relationships but I fully (to my capabilities) understand her situation. I have no problem fully surrendering the initiation of sex to her, also I understand if she want to stop in the middle of sex which happens Sometimes.

I don’t care if she withold sex for years cause I understand her suffering and love her.

Long story short; no Guys don’t just care about sex

sadomasochrist · 2019-09-21T21:31:28+00:00

Your confusing your primary with your only purpose.

spaceman_spliff777 · 2019-09-21T21:45:19+00:00

Men, like women, get into relationships for all kinds of reasons. Friendship, finances, moral compass alignment, and so on. The one thing that separates life long partners from just another person you hang out with is sex.

If you have needs that aren’t being met, then you should attempt to really understand and convey them. After that is just finding out if honesty brings you closer or farther apart. If it’s farther apart, that’s not the worst thing in the world. Being in a loveless relationship is much worse.

19whale96 · 2019-09-21T21:58:08+00:00

The PUA stuff is nothing to worry about. Boys and men largely don't have access to resources telling them how to treat women outside of PUA and anti - PUA forums/articles/videos. You should only be worried if you think he's using these resources to cheat on you. Otherwise, he's using them the same way women use magazines and other women's media for tips on maintaining a relationship. Instead of going on reddit and asking why his gf never wants to have sex with him, he went on PUA sites to try to find ways to make himself more sexually attractive to you.

SporkydaDork · 2019-09-21T23:10:41+00:00

Truth is you can't tell anyone's true intentions. You can't judge by words or actions. So you have to figure out what you value, what expectations do you have for the relationship. What do you even want out of the relationship?

Once you figure out what you want all you can do is check off what your partner fills in. Then determine whether you can live with what he fills in, can see what he's gonna do later and deal with what he won't have later.

But you can't tell what other people are. So just take care of your end and go from there. Other than that people will say and do anything to get what they want.

You can confront your dude all you want. He's never gonna tell you the truth. He'll probably stop for a while and then go right back at it.

Plopolok · 2019-09-22T00:13:34+00:00

I love him a lot, and he does bring a lot of happiness to my life.

That's not very apparent in the rest of your post. Are you really genuinely happy to have him right now, or is it an artificial happiness that relies on the hope that he'll stay forever and whose counterbalancing sadness will crush you when it fizzles again?

How comes you've been together for 3 years and you didn't manage to organize your lives around each other, to live together? Isn't it what you want? Isn't it what he wants?

the_them · 2019-09-22T06:58:14+00:00

I’ve loved many women who I never fucked and some that I did. Whether or not that feeling was ever reciprocated to the point where intimacy beyond sex was even possible, I can’t say.

Sex is a minimum. If you want to be in a relationship with me, I’m assuming that’s because on some level you find me sexually attractive. If you act counter to that assumption, I’m going to be obviously confused and I will start to question your intentions, our relationship, and my involvement in it. Even if I’m being rational and accept that it might be a temporary/situational reason, I can’t exactly ask you to explain why you’re not interested in our mutual pleasure without making it an accusation or being outright rejected. It sucks to feel unwanted by someone you want and no logic can change that.

Is that the only thing I care about in my relationships? No, but neither can I say it isn’t a central part of what makes a relationship successful. If that’s missing for whatever reason, that’s a big hole of intimacy that needs to be filled (pun intended) somehow.

Your guy shouldn’t be pushing you and you shouldn’t be ignoring his needs. You’re both contributing to this issue to the point where I’d say your relationship is not functional because this lack of communication likely permeates the rest of your interactions.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-09-22T07:27:13+00:00

First off, let me say this before I say anything, I am not white knighting/simping/shoulder to crying on/pedestalizing any one here. I am not rushing to anyone's defense as if they are some helpless victim. Nor am I personally attacking or tearing anyone down or making this be about sides.

I am going to try and best realistically explain my response to this and how I have seen similar things emerge in the realm(s) of dating/love/sex. I am not a licensed doctor or therapist or the like, so please don't take my advice as some sort of deep professional insight.

I'm not one to sit there and analyze EVERY.SINGLE.THING, although I do have my anxieties. What you are describing seems to be a response to the trends and behaviors in such areas. You see, and I don't know how else to put this, you seem to want what anyone wants, a committed loving relationship based on trust and understanding yes? Does that sound right? But you seem to have come up against something perhaps you were unprepared for or unaware of. What that is, in this instant gratification based/long as I get mine and fuck everyone else hyper individualistic society, not that being an independent individual is bad I would never say that, most men learn, and I am not man bashing here, to just get as much sex from one woman or as many as possible.

No commitment, no love, just get what they want when they can when they want it. This has long gone on obviously, but it seems to have not hit a point of no return, yet, as it has it's just more constant than usual. You mention PUA/Redpill, I don't agree with all of them on everything, but they have their points and I can see where it comes from.

You see, this is the unforeseen, but was it really? downside of the constant casual sex free love nsa thing, people who weren't quite prepared for that cause you know, feelings and wanting such things, were caught off guard by it. Social influence is part of it as well, one guy has sex with many chicks, other guys see it, they want to as well. No commitment, no devotion, no loyalty, no family. Plus you look at the divorce rate and chicks fucking guys over, and the not so happy campers with feminism, which what does that even stand for anymore? And you have this constant cycle of what seems to be unhappyness.

Make sense? I said a lot, and I am dead ass tired, but I will leave this, it's like that line from the first planet of the apes where Taylor says to Nova that when he left earth, "There was plenty of lovemaking, but no love it's self." Or something to that effect. Sounds like it was ahead of it's time.

Anthero1776 · 2019-09-22T13:06:35+00:00

I am sorry this isn’t just a male issue.

There are also women who like lots of sex, this isn’t just a male issue. Check out Deadbedrooms there are tons of women complaining about there husbands not wanting sex any more. Deadbedrooms is where your relationships heading.

Sounds like a Libido mis match, this will end in tears unless libidos can be higher or lowered in one of you.

A handjob is not hard. Hell ask for a massage. If you aren’t helping him, he will probably get it else where. If you two can’t meet each other’s needs there is just no point any more, please don’t have children together.

Sounds like your not attracted to him anymore.

katymarx · 2019-09-22T18:33:44+00:00

Hmmmm, this isn't healthy if you feel pressured and devalued after sex. Even my horndog dude I only see every other month is sometimes tired and just wants to chill, watch movie, and cuddle. We are older though but my BF at 25 was the same. So either you guys have mismatched libidos or he's using some RP tactics to manipulate you into doing something you don't want. Or both.

Have you asked him if he's read up on RedPill tactics? He might deny it or it could show up on his face. I think it's important to be open to what they call maintenance sex sometimes but it should leave you feeling neutral at worst.

How much of your time together is he trying to have sex? Does he jump right in or do you guys go out places, do activities, spend time talking?

[deleted] · 2019-09-23T16:08:16+00:00

You're committed to a shitty dude sounds like

universaluna · 2019-09-24T20:25:54+00:00

I would leave him, sounds like that's ALL he wants. The best way to know if that's not all a guy wants,is let him invest in you heavily first before giving up sex or anything else. Another approach is to just wait until marriage because men will have sex with women they don't even like or even enter a relationship (with a short term mindset) just for easy access to sex and lie to you and make it seem like you'll have a future together. Men are supposed to provide and protect that's how they show love, let him give you his resources before you give anything to him, let him invest his time and money into you first. The men that only want sex will weed themselves out anyway, just don't give yourself up, the right man will come.

mylifesux62 · 2019-09-21T17:10:55+00:00

No, we also need for her to cook for us and wash our clothes, and also to show affection(non sexual) to us

Dora_Bowl · 2019-09-21T17:24:47+00:00

No, there are men who want wives, children and sometimes even friendship with women.

Melohdy · 2019-09-21T17:29:39+00:00

I don't like sex, but I like being with my wife.

Melthengylf · 2019-09-22T02:02:04+00:00

He should be with someone with higher libido. I don't believe you were compatible. Have you tried dating asexual men? There are some.

Title	Do all men only want sex from women?
Author	ppdconfusedgirl
Upvotes	22
Comments	208
Date	September 21, 2019 4:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/d7ctir/do_all_men_only_want_sex_from_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-all-men-only-want-sex-from-women.262878 https://theredarchive.com/post/262878

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