BREAKING NEWS: Being single is better than being with MOST MEN

geekyspacegirl420 · 2020-02-19T17:47:55+00:00

Yes!!! I have been single for the majority of my 30’s and I’m about to turn 40. I’ve never been happier and reading FDS reinforces ideas I wish I would have believed my 20’s. I dealt with way too many LVM’s. I don’t even go on dating apps anymore because I just don’t care. I have a great career, money, and a battery operated boyfriend and do not have any desire to join the dating game again. If the perfect HVM comes into my life, sure that would be great but I don’t need one to make me whole. I am my own best friend and will keep it that way!!!

circescircus · 2020-02-19T14:54:54+00:00

I was single for 5 years before meeting my now fiancee. During some of those 5 years, I didn't even want a serious relationship. I would have been happy with a casual relationship for a few months at a time, but found that men aren't even good for that. They either want to cuff you because they want to be the one to downgrade you to casual, or they have no capacity to respect women they are casually dating. I literally didn't meet any man who had anything to offer me, not even sex, for 5 years.

All the while, I saw my friends and family getting married to men I wouldn't even give a 2nd date to. They would rationalize this in all kinds of ways. The mental gymnastics astounded me. I learned to be comfortable and happy alone, and meeting my fiancee was just a surprise.

Even before discovering FDS, I was always naturally "high maintenance". I've been called high maintenance, high strung, a snob, a gold digger, etc. Men would show their true colors to me, quickly, because I didn't entertain the cool girl thing. I think that I could have met an appropriate and compatible HVM if FDS existed 3-4 years ago, and if I had resources to learn more about psychology, reading people, dating with my interests in mind, etc.

Women who discover FDS (including myself) are very lucky. Whether you are single and looking, single and not looking, in a relationship or married, FDS will help you to look out for your own interests.

It's absolutely true. Being single is much better than being with most men. A lot of women just can't deal with the social stigma/shaming of being single, and they aren't strong enough to deal with the feelings of loneliness. Being with someone, anyone, can feel less lonely, if you are the type of person who avoids spending any time alone at all costs.

Liz_Lemondrop · 2020-02-19T15:16:40+00:00

[deleted]

2020-02-19T18:04:52+00:00

The harsh reality is, as we adjust our standards to see the state of men for what they really are and not just the lies they tell us so they can fuck us -- some of us are just going to stay single rather than settle for a melty-faced, flabby piece of shit who thinks you're lucky that he's willing to fuck you. It's better to meet a good man at 50 than it is to settle for a shitty man at 20. It's better to have no man at all than it is to constantly compromise on what makes you happy. Get well and good with staying single, and men no longer have power over your future, allowing you to easily and happily walk away from low value bullshit.

best description of reality

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-02-19T18:01:41+00:00

I do find that some locations have better quality men than others.

When I was in a different city, the men I encountered where so trash that I just completely stopped dating for several years and learned to be happy on my own.

Then I moved cities and I found that there are actually some decent men here. I do need to go on a lot of dates before I meet someone who is actually interesting, but it is not like the other city where there was literally not a single man I would date.

Scadeau101 · 2020-02-19T18:48:55+00:00

AMEN.

I can't tell you how unbelievably selfish these men are today. I had one complain about the fucking gas money I cost him for him to drive 40 mins to see me.

And yeah, a lot of them are terrible in bed. They only care about getting their orgasm and don't give a shit at all if you got off. Smh

Liz_Lemondrop · 2020-02-19T14:45:15+00:00

Very well put, especially regarding not counting on a man to be your foundation, in so many respects, psychological and financial.

No guy is going to know and understand your hopes and dreams and accomplishments like you do, and then they may or may not have have the willingness or even capacity to support them.

Here's to great lives well-lived for US! 💃

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2020-02-19T15:50:02+00:00

FACTS! Most married women I know are envious of their single friends.

Had to hit you with a silver for ruthless accuracy. 🎯

Also my mother told me once that she feels a deep sense of sadness whenever she hears of a women getting engaged because she knows that’s the beginning of the end for her.

TigerLily88 · 2020-02-19T17:59:37+00:00

PREACH SISTER! I agree! I had the same revelation as you a few months ago. It is way better to be single. Most men ain’t shit. I am also childfree so I do not even need a man to have kids with. As I get older, I see less use for them. I am open to being in a relationship, but only if he is worth it, but most men I meet are not so oh well. shrug

DallasOMalley · 2020-02-19T14:44:12+00:00

...And this is why I have ALWAYS been happiest when I'm single.

Careful-Economy · 2020-02-19T15:31:08+00:00

Learning to live alone is HARD ladies. And though I get lonely and sometimes even desperate (recovering pickmeisha here) it is so so so worth it. No more being weighed down by their poor financial decisions. No more cleaning up their dirty underwear and dishes. No more wondering who is blowing up their phones or where they went after work. No more excuses. I get to make all my own decisions, raise my two babies myself the way I want to, make my own damn living which is twice as good as if I had a man here... when I think of dating, even in my lonely 3am desperation, I think of living with a man again. quickly says ‘nah f that’ and goes back to sleep

galleryofplaces · 2020-02-19T21:40:53+00:00

I've been single for 10 years, haven't had sex in 9, and I'm fine with it.

I was married for 19 years.

Now, when I feel lonely I just think it through, what would change if I had a man in my life and that pretty much kills any fantasies that were forming. I have to say freedom is absolutely worth it. I love my life for the most part and the things I don't love have zero to do with men. I have hobbies, friends and I can devote as much energy as I want into them. (After my responsibilities of course)

As for sex, I just don't care about it at all anymore. Sometimes I get some urges but I am perfectly capable of handling them myself.

I'm not saying I will never have a relationship again, but it is unlikely because I prefer single life. My standards are so high I myself could not fulfill them, lol and that is ok by me.

I do love this sub, it is great and thanks to all who contribute. ❤️

luckycharmsaregod · 2020-02-19T17:51:34+00:00

Sounds about right. I’m 23. I’ve met dozens of men from apps and they were all horrific. I’m currently in a shit town, so boredom led me to keep swiping. The difference is that by this point I had no qualms about being ghosted or disappointed. It’s not remotely personal; it’s just the way these trash bags are. I was secure. I expected the worst and didn’t fear it. I also knew as long as I didn’t have casual sex I couldn’t really feel used or out of control (it also just sucks massively for me). So I swiped on 1 in 500 guys and ended up meeting the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met. That means almost nothing, honestly, but he’s great. I actually messaged him first, which I never do, and he pursued the hell out of me from there. I’ve never met anyone like him. I like him more and more each time I see him, when it’s always been the opposite. He says he loves me. I’ve never been told that before. It’s all amazing right now, but in the back of my mind, disappointment feels inevitable, at some point. Maybe he’ll keep surprising me. But I’m making my life great on its own so it doesn’t crush me.

I also can’t imagine meeting any man this cool ever again. Ever.

And it also made me think of something kind of scary. Obviously, but. When you’re attached romantically, you’re so much more vulnerable in so many ways. Theoretically, that’s kinda sweet. But with men it’s a nightmare. Anything could just pull the rug from underneath you in a heartbeat. You just have to keep hoping that each day he’ll wake up and still like you, that he won’t have flipped the switch on you overnight and suddenly not give a shit about you. You invest so much into a life with a man and he could just tear you apart. Even worse once you’ve permanently changed your body and permanently tie yourself to this person via kids. Sadly, it’s much more likely than not.

I used to think being single was the worst thing ever. There are perks to being single and not, but rarely not, because of aforementioned reasons. You’re probably gonna get fucked up. When you’re single, your feelings aren’t determined by a man’s stupid whims.

And I of course want tru wuv, but being basic with a stretched out tummy, three kids, and a boring office job at 40 seems horrific to me. That’s what most men want you to end up with. And is the man EVER really that great? That’s what we have to look forward to?

hydrohydrangeas · 2020-02-19T15:30:34+00:00

This sub has really helped on pulling back the veil to the true reality of what most men are, as well as their true behaviour and motivations when dating. Many of the FDS principles and experiences women have shared here already aligned with the reality of dating that I’ve experienced, but the world at large makes you feel kind of crazy sometimes when you bring up a lot of the topics we discuss here. It’s like gaslighting en masse (but I should not be surprised, I suppose, since we still live in a patriarchal culture).

Bravo to all the women here brave enough to look at reality. I’m tired of living under the delusion that some Prince Charming is going today swoop into my life and save me. I’m still unlearning that toxic mindset, but every day I’m closer to getting there.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-02-19T16:28:26+00:00

Honestly all of this is so true. I also want to add most men are CHEAP. They want to take to a $3 coffee and want their dick sucked afterwards. Then they lose interest because a girl was too "easy" when all you did was take advantage of a naive girl. But women are taught to lower on standards in order to meet with men's. We are taught to be ok with mediocrity because men don't want to step up. Men are entitled and expect a free hooker, cook and nanny without being providers.

thestemgorl_ · 2020-02-19T16:40:46+00:00

Why you absolutely worded this 100% correct. I’m just starting out my life as a 19 year old, rising sophomore in college and have so much do to.

I love this sub because it encourages women to get men that value her and are of value themselves. And I’d rather be single than date just any LVM guy.

And guys think being single makes a women bitter and resentful, LOL. Like a lot of women would rather be single than date and LVM and statistics prove that.

I’m doing absolutely great in life. I just got a physics internship and I am traveling to Japan in my winter break. I cannot see myself with anyone at this point, so I accept the solitude that singleness offers.

Sangriasyra · 2020-02-19T18:32:56+00:00

Honestly finally having my peace and living a peaceful life has been such a rewarding and refreshing experience since leaving my ex Fiancé. Before then I hadn't been single for at least 7 years and it just feels good to find out who I am again.

2020-02-19T14:57:08+00:00

I like it. I will only have a man enter my life if he adds something extraordinary!

3unny33 · 2020-02-19T17:55:19+00:00

100% spot on sister! 👏🏽

doadollopofdaisy · 2020-02-19T17:45:13+00:00

Honestly, this truth hit me after I got out of my last relationship last month. I fell into the category of doing mental gymnastics, parkour, and a cirque du soleil routine to convince myself that my ex and I still could and should work to be together for the majority of the time we were together. I’m 21...and was trying to convince myself that this 24 year old guy who isn’t striving for more than an apartment, a dog, and a pool table would ever be able to keep up with me going to grad school, living in other countries for months at a time, owning land, and everything else I want out of life. Nothing wrong with the simpler life of course if it fulfills you but he was just blatantly complacent, fine with just barely keeping his head above the water financially and playing video games till he needed to eat or sleep and repeat. No improvement as an individual, no personal growth, no spiritual growth, no growth in skills. Nothing.

I pity the girl I was for that year and a half, she must’ve been so tired. But it’s okay, I do her justice now. I can’t accept just anything that’s handed to me, I respect myself too much. And I used to think it was selfish and narcissistic but I’ve truly learned what one man won’t do, another will, and with a smile on his face. But even then, especially around my age I believe, they’re rarely worth the time to engage with.

Thank you for this post honestly. I’m not hurting even though it was just a month ago that I was disrespectfully broken up with because I know he really did us both a favor and I dodged a bullet lol but now and again I need the pick me up.

PurblWasp · 2020-02-19T19:09:27+00:00

Liz dropping the truth today, damn.

morynne · 2020-02-19T16:09:08+00:00

Girl. This is so real.

I've been divorced 3 years and recently started seeing what I perceive as a HVM (for now - always on watch), and I'm still not convinced I want to give up my single life, but he's 100% just happy to be in my presence, and will do anything he has to to make it happen.

Just wait ladies, they're out there and worth it.

maraslove · 2020-02-19T22:10:02+00:00

Wow just wow!!!! I found this place because it was recommended on a forum and I’ve been reading it everyday since the weekend but this right here!!! I needed this! Especially since I broke up with a toxic, narcissistic, misogynistic, selfish person the day after Christmas. I’m slowly doing better now that there’s zero contact and this post right here is what I needed to read! Thank you!

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-02-19T14:31:03+00:00

Say it louder for the people in the back!

sushiwalrus · 2020-02-19T20:33:37+00:00

“Most guys would leave you for someone hotter if they could”.

THIS. This is 100% true thanks to online dating giving people the illusion of endless choices. It’s an addiction just like gambling. Even when a guy has accumulated a huge amount of chips they keep hitting in the hopes they will win even more. The vast majority lose it all whether they only amassed a few chips or a buttload. After losing a ton of money they typically learn and don’t go back. If they do go back they try their hand at a different casino in a different location. There are always a few dumbasses that never learn and continue wasting all their money.

I can personally say that I have never had a guy I dated or hooked up with ever level up on me. The girls they end up settling for are always significantly more unattractive. None have ever had a better career or financial situation either, and that’s because all of the losers I’ve entertained got lucky once at the casino, lost all their chips, and have never been able to amass as many. They gave up and finally cashed in the little bit of chips they had. On average HVW don’t date beneath them. There will be a few idiots (like my former self) that give these losers a chance because of low self-esteem but fortunately there aren’t enough that these guys end up well off.

These losers end up settling with the next girl who they don’t have to fear will wake up and realize they could do better. They seek someone their financial and physical equal, but don’t be mistaken. They still fantasize about getting with hotter girls and the hot girl that they fucked up with. That’s why you can sometimes catch these weirdos stalking your social media. They know enough not to bother reaching out because they’ll be shut down, but they’re watching and fantasizing. I had one loser who after we broke up got engaged to a aging, insecure woman like 3 months after meeting her. When I went on vacation she caught him viewing my tropical bikini pics so she made him delete all social media LMFAO. Another I ran into on a reddit thread I was reading (I love looking at r/relationships it’s an absolute shitshow and I happened to see him respond because he’s an idiot that uses the same username for everything) and he admitted to not wanting to have sex often with his new girlfriend and that he masturbates thinking of exes not her. He’s also gross and obese now apparently so there’s that.

You are not missing anything ladies. They are. You were the best they were ever going to have, and they know it. Men are idiots but not when it comes to this. There’s a reason so many men whine online that they feel like they’ve settled, and the concept of “the one that got away” is portrayed as a woman more often than a male for a reason. If a guy sucks let him go. You will not have regrets.

throwaway64857 · 2020-02-19T15:59:27+00:00

This. So much this honestly. Being in no relationship is better than being in a shitty one.

CmdrNefarious · 2020-02-19T16:56:13+00:00

I'm so happy I don't feel the need to be in a relationship. I had a friend who was always in another relationship within two weeks of being freshly single and I could never comprehend it; I always felt so bad for her. I've been single for almost ten years and dodging all the trash my sister keeps trying to hook me up with, which includes men with baby mommas because they couldn't keep it wrapped, is getting tiresome lol.

saltypretzel9 · 2020-02-19T19:23:05+00:00

I’m saving this for reference. Thank you for this, I needed to hear it.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-19T19:25:32+00:00

Just facts.

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-19T14:38:12+00:00

Y E S

diva4lisia · 2020-02-19T15:03:51+00:00

Preach!! 🙌

SecretServlet · 2020-02-19T15:44:07+00:00

PREACH!!! I was single for 1.5 years (although I mentally checked out of my previous relationship much earlier than that) before dating my now bf. I wasn't even seriously looking/interested in dating when I found him. That's how I ended up with a high quality man!

MyCatNeedsShoes · 2020-02-20T01:58:43+00:00

I've found this too. Guys just want free sex. Nah, fuck that. I have plenty of worth.

Mayonegg420 · 2020-02-19T16:10:20+00:00

GOOD MORNING LADIES!! Talk that mf truth!!! Leaving a 3 year relationship was hard because I was like, “He’s “nice”. what if men are terrible to me and are cheaters?” And I had a full revelation when I asked myself....but what if we are WONDERFUL to us??? I want to date casually, sure, but it’s so much easy to let go knowing I will be walking in the divine power of a relationship with myself. Find out what you need to be stable. Specifically, setting a career plan and getting my personal finance plan in order has just made me excited to be single again. Spending time by myself, meeting goals, making time for my hobbies without a man dragging me down....we love to see it!

Ncrlz93 · 2020-02-19T16:33:08+00:00

I was single for most of my studying years. I began dating when I started working. To be quite honest, dating became somewhat of a chore then (I’m too young and naive) that I’d rather go on vacations with my friends. Most men don’t even have the capacity for fun all they think about is the romantic side of things not the subtlety of it.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-19T17:33:18+00:00

So true. 💯 agree. I've been thinking this for awhile. Im done settling. I've tried again and again and again and it never gets you anything but misery. If you're lucky you won't die or get abused.

Radiant_SaltyEffort · 2020-02-19T19:40:18+00:00

I've been single for most of my life, so if it takes to my 30s/later to find someone, I'm all for it! I have my life together and I know I am one of the lucky ones. It's not worth it.

babyaf · 2020-02-19T21:56:27+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this.

BookwormJane · 2020-02-20T02:08:51+00:00

This is gold. Seriously. I agree with all the points mentioned, 100%. I've been single for years and I quit dating years ago. I have never regretted my decision.

GrilledAvocado · 2020-02-20T02:46:43+00:00

My mom has always taught me it’s better to live alone than with bad company

thesleeplesss · 2020-02-19T14:57:06+00:00

This is so true!!!

Careful-Economy · 2020-02-19T19:42:58+00:00

Amen sisters!!!

darkhorse8419 · 2020-02-20T01:33:07+00:00

I’m definitely happier now accepting this reality Sis. I’m not waiting for my life to begin again, I’m living it! Thanks to FDS!

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-02-20T03:17:31+00:00

I feel like if you might the right one later in life that you have a better chance of staying together, because you both have grown into who you really are.

2020-02-19T17:19:50+00:00

Yes to all of this!! Thank you for writing this.

MiaoLix · 2020-02-19T16:14:37+00:00

Leave manga out of this sis 😂😂 I actually enjoy anime.

starlagurl · 2020-02-20T05:11:29+00:00

Oh hey, a friend of mine mentioned this about dating apps. When you log on to one, and you don't use it much, you are probably meeting the men that overuse it. So chances are you are meeting the worst ones, because the men that don't use it, probably don't spend enough time on it to even get to your profile.

Do you know what I mean? Like, the math doesn't help you meet the good ones, just the most prolific ones.

spicy_dissent · 2020-02-19T23:28:55+00:00

🍋🍋🍋

Brisket_Queen · 2020-02-20T03:02:17+00:00

Saving this so I can read it over and over. Sidebar this post, mods.

ilikesoy_ · 2020-02-25T13:13:07+00:00

ive had to learn this month.

found out my partner cheated last thursday, was initially going to give him another chance because he seemed sorry.

life lesson; men lie constantly to get what they want, which is usually just sex.

saw his actions and him telling me hes been laughing and having a great time, not trying to fix what he did or improve himself like i started to the moment i found out.

told him yesterday he can stop wasting my time and actually make me see his worth or he can not let the door hit him on the way out. until he does show me, i will be enjoying my time of singlehood, hanging out with my incredibly supportive friends, and also allowing any other guy who wants to try to prove his worth to me.

pianoplayer1216 · 2020-02-19T16:30:16+00:00

I politely disagree with this post. In my experience, I’ve dated/talked to both really amazing men and some really bad ones. Most guys I interact with on a daily basis seem like really good people, but of course I have run into a few that ruin it.

Bingham224 · 2020-03-01T19:18:34+00:00

They don't get any better when we turn fifty. I made the mistake of thinking that they would mature and be more interested in self-reflection. No bueno. Frankly, I think they're even worse because they're uglier and more set in their ways, but still think they're entitled to Jennifer Lopez.

Title	BREAKING NEWS: Being single is better than being with MOST MEN
Author	Liz_Lemondrop
Upvotes	1259
Comments	170
Date	February 19, 2020 2:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6b9w8/breaking_news_being_single_is_better_than_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/breaking-news-being-single-is-better-than-being.682048 https://theredarchive.com/post/682048

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