If things were flipped, and sex ended when women came, most men would throw temper tantrums.

Platipus6 · 2021-03-30T05:39:07+00:00

My ex whined to me about his previous girlfriend who orgasmed from piv, but then became sensitive and kicked him out of her vaj.

He also whined to me that I -didn't- orgasm from piv.

He considered himself a logical person.

What age do children stop having this magical thinking? Like.. 6 ?

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-03-30T05:49:12+00:00

Yes, it's very rare to find a man who cares for your pleasure afterwards (and who can actually make you cum).

The day it happened to me, was the day everything changed for me. I realized for how little I had settled and I knew, the next man would have exactly one chance to do the right thing in bed.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-30T05:25:35+00:00

Everything you're saying here is absolutely correct and they are gaslighting you and society is gaslighting you.

Also your current boyfriend is an lvm lazy piece of shit who is also gaslighting you. He's perfectly happy to brush you off with bullshit about "not keeping score" when you're the one always getting fucked over, and telling you "not to stir things up" is just patronizing as hell. It's like these lazy lovers are read a goddamn handbook and get these lines from other men. The losers that I've been with who tried this stuff actually used the exact same words.

I think you're pretty close to figuring out what you need to do with this guy.

The trick to finding a man who is good in bed is that you stop fucking the ones who aren't and you move on immediately. And if you're worried about your "number", here on FDS we don't even count the guy if he doesn't make you orgasm. 🤷‍♀️🚮

SearchLightsInc · 2021-03-30T12:39:57+00:00

So many times have I had sex with my boyfriend (and similar acts with past partners) only for him to cum, roll over, and then we cuddle. I don't make a fuss about it, despite numerous talks about it in the past, I just want to hold him.

As a lesbian, this reads as pure fiction. Like...is this really how it is for straight women? Really???

feeturingmyself · 2021-03-30T05:47:11+00:00

I don't think this was the point of your post but your bf is clearly a LVM. My current BF won't even start PIV until I've already cum once. Don't sell yourself short with this frugal man. Everyone should have the chance to cum and if your bf would lilely say that you are trying to stir something, maybe your need to stir up a breakup.

Block and delete the man who doesn't make you cum first (no pressure though)

Greedy_Ad954 · 2021-03-30T08:43:31+00:00

I was just explaining this to my partner the other week. Most women don't cum (easily) from intercourse. But most guys expect intercourse, want it to be over when they cum, and provide nothing additional to make the woman cum.

So imagine if most women only wanted oral sex every time. The first couple times it happened, maybe you'd even be okay with it. But eventually you'd probably say "hey sweety, I like going down on you, but could we maybe fuck? Or could you go down on me?"
And imagine the woman's answer is "no, I don't like that."

This is the reality facing most women. And men have the gall to complain when women don't want (their version of) sex, accuse women of having lower sex drives or "withholding" sex, etc.

Zayelle · 2021-03-30T07:31:34+00:00

that's exactly why you never let sex happen unless they made you cum first. at least not with someone new.

GoldandGlowing · 2021-03-30T05:48:23+00:00

Women would be killed tbh

womandatory · 2021-03-30T08:36:49+00:00

Time for a new bf.

WodeAndLoade · 2021-03-30T07:05:14+00:00

Once you've experienced a lover who makes sure you get yours at least once every time I promise you you'll never accept less again.

Even my last cringeworthily LVM managed it. Him starting to count how many orgasms I had in one session while he had one or two is one of the red flags that finally made me leave him tbh. My last two lovers totally transformed how I feel about it. Never again will I accept unsatisfying sex. I pray to the universe to send you a skilled and generous lover soon!

Opening-Basil-3226 · 2021-03-30T07:17:02+00:00

Why is sex always about pleasing the guy? Why does it end when he finishes? This is so ingrained as being "the ways things are", I feel like I'm being irrational and shrill just for asking these questions!

Had this exact same epiphany a few days ago! We really gotta start normalizing equality in the bedroom, too. The idea of sex ending when a woman comes feels so foreign when it really shouldn't be. Stop letting men blue-ball us. :)

JaneD-oh · 2021-03-30T11:15:56+00:00

I've only been with one guy who was genuinely concerned about me having an orgasm, and I'm quite certain that was linked to his ego and not about actually caring about my sexual experience. That being said, I still appreciated those orgasms lol, I don't finish easily.

DangerousRiver9 · 2021-03-30T06:07:57+00:00

I have never in my life had sex with a man just to please him, and if I don’t finish, that’s the last time he has sex with me. In my current relationship, sex does end when I orgasm, not him. You’re dating a lvm.

euridicee · 2021-03-30T11:11:08+00:00

Why are you with a male who treats you poorly?

chainsawbobcat · 2021-03-30T09:20:45+00:00

My boyfriend doesn’t enter me until he’s made me orgasm. My pleasure comes first -ALWAYS- and then we focus on him. That’s the expectation you need to set from now on with your new partners, he either makes you orgasm or you don’t have sex. Period.

But, the one you have right now is NV, the fact he doesn’t care about your pleasure is incredibly disturbing. This man is supposed to love, support, and cherish you and he can’t even do the bare minimum. Dump him, sis, you will be much happier with a vibrator than being used as a flesh light for this asshole.

popsthrowsup · 2021-03-30T12:02:57+00:00

Because as this sub as said plenty of times before MEN ARE SELFISH.

My ex was one of those guys that when he cums and can’t stay hard he’ll be like “sorry sorry sorry awww sorry” rather than just doing Anything else to help. Like well my hammers broken so idk how ima get this screw into the wall.

I don’t cum from PIV and would use his member for clitoral stimulation only for him to try to shove it inside at the last minute.

What, The, Fuck.

But if he didn’t cum, I should feel bad, or somethings wrong with me because he didn’t cum. Then he’d try to shame me and make it painfully obvious he want to go finish in the bathroom, but if I did the same thing I was being a bitch and probably cheating. Guess who I found out was talking to woman on NSFW subs

Ridiculous.

Your Bf is LVM, while I feel like some of us give more grace than others this is beyond grace. Ppl love to forget being sexually compatible isn’t just about if the woman is compatible for the man but vice versa

When my current partner and I first started dating, I told him the situation can’t come from PIV he asked me how he could help me cum and I havent had an issue.

Respect and trust goes a long way in the bedroom but I guess these are foreign concepts to men as they relate to women

2021-03-30T12:26:05+00:00

You shouldn't stay with a man who doesn't care about your pleasure. That means he doesn't see you as important.

onceuponasea · 2021-03-30T12:41:17+00:00

How come you haven’t left him? By staying with him you’re enabling his behavior. You’re basically saying it’s okay for him to treat you this way.

AnKeWa · 2021-03-30T09:52:18+00:00

Girl it sounds like it's time to take the trash out. You're not a fleshlight.

2021-03-30T05:46:39+00:00

I dont understand the point of being in this subreddit and holding onto your shitty boyfriend. DUMP HIM. women need to fucking do better. Whats the point of being with a male who thinks the opposite would be you stirring shit up? Youre also not obligated to have sex on command. Sex isnt about men its about women too. Why stay ? Staying in shitty relationships allow men to control us and make us miserable

Fitncurly · 2021-03-30T16:40:38+00:00

Stop having sex with men who won’t pleasure you. They’ll either get the point and prioritize your orgasm or be all angry at which point you dump him. Either way you’re not dealing with bullshit so win win. I orgasm at least once every time. If I don’t I won’t do it. I can masturbate and not be bothered if it’s just gonna suck anyways. And don’t let them get you with that “bonding” bs. You can bond in a myriad of intimate ways that won’t leave you frustrated with an upset pH balance for no damn reason.

sassyheather · 2021-03-30T07:00:23+00:00

I think it’d be hilarious if sex ended with my orgasm because I get them fast, easy, from piv. I’d just burst out laughing like “yeah honey it’s been 2 minutes and I came, time to go to sleep” 😂😂😂

singing_stream · 2021-03-30T09:19:10+00:00

My Nex had the cheek to say to me ''it must just be difficult to make you cum''.

No.. it really bloody isn't. Unlike most women, i can orgasm from PIV - but guess who never did with that particular jackhammering, leg cramping, lazy pos?

and., many frustrating nights and months later - i walked out straight after spending hours on him, and he was so damn selfish that when i asked him to get me to finish, he laid there with his eyes shut.. kept falling asleep and sighing every time i asked him to carry on and try to wake up a bit so i could actually orgasm. (he'd orgasmed 3 times that night).

Yeah no.. i'm done with that crap. I just can't, and more to the point, i don't bloody want to.

We'd had so many conversations before that night.. he'd get better for a couple of hours, and it would be right back to the start the very next day. Ugh. I'm sadly not joking when i say i considered cheating on him out of sheer frustration at his selfishness. I've never cheated in my life and quickly realised that i wasn't going to that time either, but i don't blame women that do end up sleeping with someone that actually gives a crap about them.

DutyKooky · 2021-03-30T05:50:31+00:00

seems like you need to dump him... he's not worth having se with. Not sure how advising someone to dump a guy who does not provide you w/pleasure during sex makes me a Pickmeisha...

doofcustard · 2021-03-30T09:22:00+00:00

I don't know why women put up with this shit. I stopped putting up with it a long time ago. Start doing it to them, see how they like it.

Muffcakelord · 2021-03-30T10:08:59+00:00

I don't let it go and you shouldn't either. Why have sex if it doesn't make you satisfied? This exact situation, just knowing it happens, or seeing it on tv, breaks my heart and i want to scream when i think about it.

Sex without orgasming is totally ok, but only on your terms. You should feel satisfied, you should have had a good time, and it is up to you whether you want to continue or not. There's literally zero reason sex should end when the man cums, unless we're all just accepting that the sex was an unpaid service done for him.

It's often or always the women who needs more time during to be fulfilled. Any man should frankly keep quiet and listen when being told about needs and wants in bed, and an orgasm to end the act is THE VERY BARE MINIMUM to ask! Don't accept this. I will throw a tantrum if neglected this way. I used to do so before i left my lazy ex, and it seemed like a super petty reason to leave someone but it's really not.

For anyone reading: please expect more. You deserve fulfilling sex, with or without orgasms on your terms.

helppleasekk · 2021-03-30T12:25:03+00:00

You're right to think about the situation flipped because that tells you all you need to know. If he loved you he'd make sure you enjoyed it every time. The only thing he loves is that you don't ask for the bare minimum.

sleutherino · 2021-03-30T17:01:11+00:00

Why are you accepting of a man who does not care to satisfy you?

MrsJohnMarston__ · 2021-03-30T06:41:14+00:00

I would expect that if I didn’t get a PIV orgasm that at least I have clitoral one.

TBH I’ve actually made sure now I don’t touch myself during sex to make sure he’s doing the work to get me off.

That said, when I’ve come PIV before him, I let him finish. But good men make sure you cum.

sveji- · 2021-03-30T10:02:38+00:00

No judgement OP, I don't know your relationship, but are you sure you want to be with this guy for the rest of your life?

LevellingUpTime · 2021-03-30T07:35:48+00:00

Women have an innate sense of fairness so those norms just couldn't exist

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-03-30T14:45:32+00:00

You dont have to only please men during sex.

s_slayer · 2021-03-30T14:27:39+00:00

I’ve had several partners who were too lazy to pleasure me. My longest relationship was of ten years and he genuinely liked to get me off, I guess he was a rarity because a lot of men just cum and will even get up and leave, leaving the woman horny and unsatisfied. My current partner was pretty clueless and I had to tell him very upfront that if he orgasms, so do I. He hasn’t acted resentful at all which is good because if he ever does, I’ll go find a man who likes to pleasure his partner. I will never ever waste my time on a shitty sex partner ever again. If they don’t care you usually can’t make them care.

xeniaox · 2021-03-31T05:32:00+00:00

Yes! Or often if I don't cum I've had guys ask me if I've finished and I've said no, they get all pouty and say 'but I wanted you to cum' and it bruises their ego. Well make me cum then? It's literally not difficult.

CrazyPaine · 2021-03-30T14:35:01+00:00

Well I'll tell you a bold story:

So one day I heard my ex saying he wanted some sex. In my mind I'm like literally here we go again coerce sex I don't want. So I decided I was literally at my wits end, I didn't give a shit (it was also dangerous as well) so I decided to time him on my watch.

When he started I started my watch and I was bored, literally. I was drumming my fingers along the bed while he was getting it. When my watch went off, his time was up. I got off of him, took a shower and went to sleep. He was whining, pouting, frustrated and upset about it. I said my time is precious and I need to go to work but that didn't stop him from being an abusive POS though.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-03-30T16:55:00+00:00

I’ve actually done this before, especially with one night stands back in the day. I would finish and tell them to either leave or finish in the bathroom and then leave.

Now, if I finish early with someone I’m seeing, I tell them to hurry up because I’m done and they finish within a minute or two.

lysissnuball · 2021-03-30T15:42:38+00:00

I would agree with this; however, I know many men that are willing to keep going in ways they can. The ones that do stop when they cum would definitely be in for a rude awakening if the roles were reversed. It would be hilarious to see too!

NurseBubbleGum · 2021-03-30T10:04:55+00:00

I stopped caring about a man getting off. In fact, when I had casual sex, sometimes they didn't get to orgasm. I had complaints only a few times...😈.

woodbine1031 · 2021-03-30T11:26:22+00:00

I will say, I’ve met a few who legit only worried about getting me off. For whatever reason they couldn’t finish.

Not my problem. rolls over and goes to sleep cuddling the cat, not him

“Please be gone in the morning.” Lmao

CityOfBirth · 2021-03-30T17:18:20+00:00

The only dude who gave a shit about my orgasm was the only dude I fucked who didn't have a dick. & no, being asked "did u cum babe" after you finish does not count as caring about my pleasure, in retrospect he only asked that question because he wanted to feel like he was good in bed, not because he wanted to make me feel good in bed.

secularwitch · 2021-03-31T10:16:39+00:00

Idk if that makes sense to you queens too, but I have been thinking about bringing a "first me" rule at sex. I was gonna make a post about it, but I am kinda unsure of how it works in practice as I dont have any partner now.

Female orgasm is harder, and sex doesn't end when she comes. So, new rule: for sex to start for him, I need to come first. Fingers, oral, fingers with very little PIV... anything to make me cum first. Because when we are trying simulataneously, he comes first 99% of time due to biological reasons and then sex ends. Even if he means well and tries to please you with his fingers etc, his hormones take over and he has post ejaculation sydrome. So he looks reluctant, out of mood, exhausted, somewhat impatient and expecting quick results... which makes it even more harder for me to come. So, we need to start working on my pleasure first to be equals at the end.

Therefore, new rule: I come first and before I do, we cannot have full PIV.

Bbeautifulbitch · 2021-03-30T10:38:49+00:00

My only FWB situation involves 100% of the orgasms for me and 0% for him. Wouldn’t have it any other way. His clothes stay on.

Saturnsloverr · 2021-03-30T11:52:34+00:00

...sex would never end then lol

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-03-30T09:14:55+00:00

My boyfriend is a really good guy but he is a bummer when it comes to sex I guess. He doesn't even know WHAT clit is, and we are in an LDR, but he doesn't know how to do sex talk. Most of his knowledge on sex comes from porn only I think, because he is not experienced (I'm his first)

Now due to lockdown and all, we hadn't met for 8 months, and then due to our LDR, we haven't had sex for more than one year. After this lockdown I don't even feel that close, I don't feel like having sex with him anymore. He has made me feel guilty for it once or twice, but doesn't say much.

What should I do ? He is a really good guy, understands me, loves me and appreciates my passions. He also pays for all dates and like travels 1+ hours just to see me every time. Will this get better or should I break it off ?

Pete_the_rawdog · 2021-03-30T11:37:08+00:00

I think Medical Police did a phenomenal take on this.

Title	If things were flipped, and sex ended when women came, most men would throw temper tantrums.
Author	sleutherino
Upvotes	1455
Comments	137
Date	March 30, 2021 4:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mg83yy/if_things_were_flipped_and_sex_ended_when_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-things-were-flipped-and-sex-ended-when-women.779026 https://theredarchive.com/post/779026

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