I had a terrible experience in October of 2019. Both of the men I’m about to talk about, I met them on Hinge.

I start talking to Guy 1 on Hinge, and he’s being sweet, attentive, calls me attractive, and is showing high interest. He asked me out to dinner after hearing my favorite cuisine. Picked out a lovely restaurant and even chose another one a few blocks away as a backup. He cancels the day of our date, saying that a work thing came up that he had to do. I figure it happens, we reschedule. He couldn’t book a reservation for the cuisine I wanted for dinner because all the tables were full so we just decided to physically meet at the restaurant and see if we could get a table there. Couldn’t. So we walk to the next restaurant of that cuisine (they’re all in the same area) and the same thing happens. We’re walking to yet another restaurant when he says “uhhhhh....I don’t feel so good” and I was concerned. He said “I just came back to the city (L.A.) and I’ve felt terrible ever since. I thought it was just the loud music in the restaurant (he got there first and was waiting for me since traffic was insane so he was in the “hallway” space of the restaurant waiting for me for a few minutes) but I’ve just felt terrible since this morning. I’m so sorry. Can I get you an Uber home?” I was in shock and felt so embarrassed that I was just going straight back home after getting all dolled up. And I said “Sure, no problem, I’ll just go see someone else.” He orders the Uber and as I’m getting in, he apologizes. On my way home, I get a text from him saying “Very sorry. Not my style. You have every right to be upset with me and I own that. You’re obviously adorable and fun- I just wouldn’t be the best time right now.” I didn’t reply. He obviously had the good sense to not try to contact me since then.

A few days later, I have another date planned with Guy 2 from Hinge. He cancels 2 hours before saying that he woke up sick and still doesn’t feel great. Says he’d love to do dinner another night. I don’t reply and go to a dinner with friends instead. A few weeks later, he texts me “Hi! Would love to get dinner with you this weekend if you’re around :)” but little does he know that just days before our first date was scheduled, that first guy flaked on our date while I was there and I was still shaken up and hurt over it, so I didn’t reply to that either.

Never go out with a guy that cancels on the first date. It’s often to get you wanting them more and the reason they give is always bullshit. Guy 2 seemed promising, but canceling so close to the date time and then considering what Guy 1 did when we did meet up.....nope. That was easy to not reply to. Wasn’t about to be traumatized, humiliated, and have my time wasted again.

Months later, back when I was an FDS newbie, I asked this girl why Guy 1 did what he did. Was it that I looked good in photos but bad in real life? No, men comment on my beauty often on online dating dates and I dressed just like my picture. She, being older and more experienced than me, told me that he likely got a better offer from another woman and wanted to go straight to her instead. I assume it was sex related, because I’m not stupid. That really messed with my self esteem, self confidence, and made me afraid to give any man a chance in case he pulled the same shit.

Learn from my mistakes. Now, if a guy cancels on the first date, I know that he 1. has no intention of actually seeing me 2. has gotten a better offer from his first choice. I have an amazing girlfriend (highly recommend) now, but if I was single and still dating men, I’d not reply and simply delete them if they cancel on the first date.