What did getting divorced teach you?

Then-Appointment9630 · 2026-03-08T12:39:12+00:00

To believe my own eyes and ears not someone else’s words, to have hard boundaries, that I have to be equally important (I was raised to put my woman on a pedestal, we both have to be on it), and that my life deserves to be full of things that I enjoy and no real partner would ever want to take that away from me.

It’s been a good journey, it was hard at first because you invest a lot of time, energy, money and emotion into something that feels like it’s was for nothing in the end. But, it wasn’t, there’s lessons in there. Well for me there were lessons I had to learn, and once I began to learn them life became so much better than living like an irrelevant servant.

Lol it was nice to vent.

StrategicFatherhood · 2026-03-05T15:40:02+00:00

You can only control what you can control. No amount of stress or worrying will change anything that is in anyone else's control. Let people think what they want to think, let people believe what they want to believe. Let your actions speak for themselves. This is a long game, let them fling the arrows, you just insulate yourself with good people, self improvement, and eventually you'll be standing on the other side of this with clarity and in a better position that you are right now. Anytime things feel like they're coming at you fast, make a mental note and be intentional with slowing down. Don't go searching for a new relationship, focus on you and the right one will eventually end up in your orbit at the right time. You got this!

Tapeknots79 · 2026-03-05T12:15:58+00:00

Even if you're loyal and dutiful for years, the moment you get knocked down by some unfortunate event, you can be disposed of, without honor or loyalty. When you're knocked down, your lifetime partner can actually put a foot on your neck instead of a hand up. Father, husband, friend? Women are not loyal to anything but themselves, so it seems.

midnight_Caller74 · 2026-03-04T20:57:25+00:00

That anytime someone tells you they won’t leave and will love you forever, that it’s only meant for that moment in time. People change, love fades, and eventually you’ll be alone again.

DietznutzCA · 2026-03-04T20:55:13+00:00

Actually hide money a few years in advance

FuriousSasquatch · 2026-03-04T19:43:05+00:00

Women can change with the wind. There is no point in anything involving trust. Have fun, be merry, whatever. Draw the line there and don't toe it.

jarnock · 2026-03-04T14:29:36+00:00

To value myself, it’s okay to make yourself the priority.

LongjumpingRub8128 · 2026-03-04T13:13:36+00:00

There's always a better option

woahbrad35 · 2026-03-04T12:48:31+00:00

Most women are fundamentally the same. Not all of course, but the vast majority all seem to follow the same script

gronk4198 · 2026-03-04T10:45:59+00:00

That we are living in a post marriage society. That emotion will always override logic in women's decisions. That the structures of society that once held female narcissistic nature in check are inverted. By all means continue to enjoy the company of women (and I do) but never lose sight of the world we live in now and the truth about female nature. You can either love women or understand women ... you cannot do both

Temporary_Toe648 · 2026-03-04T08:24:40+00:00

There will always be a "tomorrow".

crager34 · 2026-03-03T14:54:44+00:00

To set my life up to land on my feet if I get married again. My second divorce cost me about $700 for a DIY, about 21 days (thank you Vegas) and I got everything in the house (4 year marriage, no kids, one house).

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-04T06:39:05+00:00

Still here busy learning, reflecting and trying to do better in future during my 2 and a half year divorce proceedings.

deejay312 · 2026-03-04T05:14:22+00:00

From my own humble and honest perspective- this all, lucidly, true. To put a fine point on it: The female species is more deadly than the male.

AA23_Cell_2187 · 2026-03-04T00:16:55+00:00

That people will bail without even expressing anything is wrong. And they will move on before you even know. Your best friend, your lover, your person means nothing and you can be discarded.

hotantipasta · 2026-03-03T23:35:32+00:00

That people will treat you as poorly as you allow them to and sometimes the only way to get your ex to behave is through a court order.

kidkangaroo · 2026-03-03T23:32:13+00:00

never get married.

RealDamage007 · 2026-03-03T22:10:11+00:00

That marriage was so bad for me but I didn’t realize until I was divorced. I was in an abusive relationship an felt it was normal because ‘everyone had a tough marriage’ Do not engage with people who underestimate their mental illness I forgot how amazing being single was until now. It’s truly a blessing. Marriage is a damn near useless institution. It gives people a reason to take you for granted. Otherwise why would you need it? If both people can walk anytime then there is incentive to be cordial and behave. People who can’t communicate are the worst.

MarshmallowPop · 2026-03-03T22:03:37+00:00

It taught me to listen to my gut.

When I saw the way she spent money, I felt uneasy. But I rationalized it as, she wasn’t in debt and worked hard for nice things.

When I proposed, I felt sick. But I rationalized it as me just being scared of long term commitment.

No. We had deep incapabilities.

DieMannschaft2014 · 2026-03-03T21:23:56+00:00

How much it still hurts after 3 years of divorce …

ShaunyP_OKC · 2026-03-03T20:50:58+00:00

A couple of things: Women can be capable of significant deception and will say anything and everything to maintain the image of themselves as a good person, while quietly sabotaging the relationship and screwing with your subconscious. Also that you as a man will sense this and know this, but doubt yourself because nobody told you they would ever do something like this and aren't capable of it. Women are taught to respect themselves and men are taught to respect women.

If anything it taught me that women are every bit as deeply flawed as men are but lack any self awareness or humility. As a man your only leverage is spoiling her self image and public image and walking away.

mesi130 · 2026-03-03T19:36:44+00:00

Taught me I need peace and quiet. I can’t live with others. Not to get married there’s no benefit for the higher earner.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-03-03T19:05:36+00:00

Do occasional relationship check ins. She might not say anything if she’s unhappy.

bluephotoshop · 2026-03-03T18:34:25+00:00

I learned I’m not gonna marry again. After 30 years I still haven’t.

Willing_Serve_970 · 2026-03-03T18:23:59+00:00

Nothing is forever, everything fades

soupsandwich00 · 2026-03-03T18:15:49+00:00

Vows mean nothing. Marriage is transactional. Every woman is capable of cheating. Its hurts (a lot).

NotYours25 · 2026-03-03T18:04:31+00:00

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.”

tonyway7293 · 2026-03-03T17:57:53+00:00

You can honor the institution of marriage, actually take the vows seriously and live by the “til death do us part” but, the person standing in front of you is not you.

You can be betrayed at the drop of a hat.

Trust no one

From time to time it may be wise to have a conversation with yourself and ask “what if this person was to exit? Can I carry on?”……

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2026-03-03T17:38:27+00:00

It taught me (well, reinforced - it's a lesson I've learned in other ways already) that life is about letting go. Everything is constantly changing and nothing lasts forever. You have to cherish what you have while you have it, and when it's gone you need to grieve it and let it go. Holding on too tightly only prolongs suffering.

It taught me to listen to myself, to speak up for my needs even when doing so feels difficult, and that enforcing healthy boundaries means being willing to do what it takes to protect yourself.

It taught me that no matter how much you want something, no matter how hard you try, sometimes wanting and trying just isn't enough, that it's just not meant to be. It's teaching me to be okay with that.

It taught me that I need to be my own best friend first and foremost, then to make room for others.

It taught me to seek validation from within, and to be brutally honest with myself and my shortcomings so that I can trust that validation (or I can correct it when necessary).

It taught me that no matter how much I think I've learned in this life, there's always another lesson.

gabbygourmet · 2026-03-03T17:22:09+00:00

Don't stay quiet. Its a form of abuse.

ABBucsfan · 2026-03-03T17:07:01+00:00

I learned to value myself more.. actually realizing there are people around who love me just for showing up and being me. Don't jump through hoops to try and earn affection and loyalty.. they're the wrong person. Also don't be the guy she gives a "chance" to after being friendzoned. Bonus points it she only shows interest after you date and break up with someone else

dpi2024 · 2026-03-03T16:18:08+00:00

There are very, very few women who are interested in building a true family, a legacy, an empire with you. 99.9% of them are only interested to join a framework already built and use it to her advantage.
An iron-clad prenup is a must followed by postnups every few years.
Women not interested in making babies with you should be completely avoided.

gobby94 · 2026-03-03T16:16:07+00:00

That a prenup is important. I’m 32, and still had to shell out over 200k.

Also - blind trust is stupid. “Hanging out” with guys from the gym several times a week is not something married women do. Probably should have reversed the situation in my head and wondered what she would think if I was always out with other women.

FWIW we had been together since 17/18.

BahamaDon · 2026-03-03T16:16:03+00:00

No matter whether you dumped her or she dumped you, divorce is a monumental stressor and you should never celebrate the destruction of family.

Dangerous_Today_5654 · 2026-03-03T16:15:20+00:00

Don't depend on others for your own happiness.

Reflog1791 · 2026-03-03T15:46:40+00:00

These hoes ain’t loyal.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-03T15:41:37+00:00

The most enlightening day of my life is when I realized mid-divorce that no one is coming to save me.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-03-03T15:32:55+00:00

That you can’t trust that someone will be there in 20 years, all you can do is plan for 1 day at time. String enough of those days together and might make it 20 years just don’t expect it to be

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-03-03T15:30:52+00:00

Who my ex really was - a selfish, lying, cheating, stealing woman I never should have dated, much less married. She turned out just like her mom.
Who I really am - a guy with flaws I’m working to improve, but not the devil she made me out to be.
Who my real friends are. Good friends are worth their weight in gold.
If I can do it while holding down a stressful full-time job, the life of a SAHM these days isn’t nearly as hard as women will try to trick you into believing. Most women today don’t deserve the life of a SAHM.
Material things don’t matter much.
Don’t give cheating women a second chance. They’ll just see it as weakness and do it again.
Time with my kids is short and precious. Don’t waste a minute of it or take it for granted.
As bad as divorce sucks, it’s an incredible opportunity to grow and either redefine or solidify who I am as a man. Use this as motivation.
Post-divorce life is a fine balance between having your eyes opened to reality and being jaded about women and relationships.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Mourn your loss, process your feelings, and then get after it.

rostoffario · 2026-03-03T15:21:19+00:00

Freedom.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-03-03T15:19:40+00:00

About my marriage: Things you think are positives, bring value, or show love to the other person, could be considered a non-factor to the other person. Things you don't consider important could be everything to the other person.

In both cases they may never communicate what is important to them until they are done with you and ready to move on.

I always thought being a good husband (treating the marriage with team mindset) and father (I prioritize spending time with my kids vs work) was something she would admire and respect me for. In the end she was upset I didnt make more money than she did and resented the kids looked to me as the primary parent (due to her work obligations in the medical field I was solo with them for 50+% of the time)

About divorce: Its all about money, in the end. Being single again, even with kids, isnt as hard as she tried to scare me into thinking. I was already a single parent half the time. Now I'm a single parent the same half and just have the other half totally free.

About life: never totally rely on anyone for something because they could leave and then you need to manage on your own.

murfeous · 2026-03-03T15:13:48+00:00

Even in my forties, women can become obsessed with me. At the end of my marriage I was a broken man, zero confidence.

Rockatello · 2026-03-03T15:06:38+00:00

Never to stay where you are not wanted. And I was not wanted for a long time

Sam_N_Emmy · 2026-03-03T14:58:25+00:00

Women will do anything to destroy you in order to protect their image and reputation. Never believe that they are above doing horrible things. They will do anything to hide their affairs and protect their partners.

My ex was trying to be amicable, until I found evidence of the affair. She was already a horrible person but she went even darker once I found out.

Even after 10 plus years of being divorced. She still gets pissed at anyone that points out she cheated. All this time and she still protects the lie.

Got_any_lemonade · 2026-03-03T14:24:20+00:00

1: Anything and everything you have can disappear in a split second. 2: Nobody cares about you. 3: Nothing ever will be enough. 4: People change (sometimes rapidly).

EvalCrux · 2026-03-03T14:18:21+00:00

Women bad, and children are worth it but decision you have to make is whether you accept the welfare system you are entering into - the likelihood that she’s looking for a long term payday.

By and large, her plan is to leave you. Tough going in with that mindset and being prepared.

The court system is not there for unbiased legality and fairness, nor the children. They get paid by you just as much as the woman.

il_pirata · 2026-03-03T14:16:30+00:00

That nobody actually cares about you but you. Everyone just cares about themselves, so don’t try. When people say they will be there when you need them like you were there when you saved their lives as they almost died, they won’t be.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-03-03T14:13:05+00:00

To not ever........ever......build my life around a woman.

Title	What did getting divorced teach you?
Author	Intelligent_Run3237
Upvotes	25
Comments	140
Date	March 3, 2026 8:55 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rjke0n/what_did_getting_divorced_teach_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-did-getting-divorced-teach-you.1574635 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574635

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