Where being a pick me will get you.

Journalist_Full · 2020-10-26T12:31:45+00:00

WOW that is just awful. Its advised at least 6 weeks. My ogbyn suggested it should be 3 months so your hormones can get regulated a little better first.

The note of her not wanting to be a bother really coincides with her being coerced into sex. I cant even think of the pain she went through and just put up with it. I want to give that girl a hug and give her should-be-ex bf a slap.

LadyGrimes · 2020-10-26T12:32:57+00:00

She could have died, I hope that asshole burns in hell.

shortywannarock · 2020-10-26T13:19:36+00:00

Imagine a man being coerced into sex after major pelvic trauma; gritting his teeth and bearing it while his stitches ripped so that his gf could get herself off, then going about his life while also caring for a newborn child until he became dizzy from blood loss... yeah me neither.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-10-26T13:48:08+00:00

"Teehee homeboy needs to clean his act up, just tell him to go watch porn lol!" This is part of the problem; it's assuming its about being horny when its obviously about having control over his wife and enjoying her suffering. Even if it was about being horny, frankly we should be teaching men that they need to start ignoring their dick for once, not just finding an alternative way to make it about their dick.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-26T13:04:59+00:00

This is so obviously an abusive relationship. She didn't have a choice. she just allowed him to rip her vagina open and was going to leave it like that. Let it heal like that. She waited to get help until she started to turn blue and probably almost died. Truth is that pig wasn't going to take her to the hospital probably because he knew he might get charged for rape.

Apparently this is happening to one third of millennial women who give birth. Being pressured to have sex too soon. So that makes one third of men with female partners who give birth, rapists.

BasieSkanks · 2020-10-26T13:46:05+00:00

Women are most vulnerable after they’ve been birth. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have seen the flags, but this is a serious problem that society doesn’t address. Women being coerced/forced/guilted into having sex before they even recovered from giving birth. It’s disgusting how entitled men are.

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-10-26T14:10:34+00:00

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AtleastIhaveakitty · 2020-10-26T12:58:49+00:00

How awful. Some men all they care about is their pleasure. My ex didn't want to use condoms, he didn't want to use lube, I have a feeling I would have been the same as this pos if we ever had a baby.

strainedcrow · 2020-10-26T12:40:16+00:00

😐 as if he didn't have a bottle of moisturizer that he frequently used. It's not about that. I'm tired of men thinking they can jerk their depravity out of their system.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-10-26T13:33:38+00:00

Mine just travelled to a different country "on business" and cheated with Greek strippers.

fabianoid · 2020-10-26T13:22:21+00:00

This is less pick me and more abuse dynamics.

sxfjcg9900 · 2020-10-26T13:49:05+00:00

I’m horrified by this story. Men are so entitled to women’s bodies they’re willing to let us die to satisfy their “needs”. I really hope she’s not with him now.

Ughleigh · 2020-10-26T13:27:34+00:00

I've had 3 children and tore every time and this is making me feel physically sick. I was in so much pain while the stitches were in that I can't even imagine being able to withstand having sex at that point. This is actually horrifying.

-badmadAM · 2020-10-26T14:25:21+00:00

There are a lot of "advice" articles about post- partum sexuality and such stuff, guess how much they all empathize how the most important thing is it is that the mother heals, how awesome her body is for being able what it just did, making a new life, and all that...

Nah. It's mostly about how to make dick happy as soon as possible, and (subtly) make it seam as if it isn't such a big deal after all. Hardly anyone warns women about the consequences or reassures them that it just ISN'T a priority to have PIV after having a baby, that not wanting Sex right now might be NORMAL, and that her post- partum body is awesome and nothing to be ashamed of, but the body went through a LOT and the woman now needs time for herself to heal. Also if sexuality does start to come up again there are other possibilities than PIV.

But the woman here was so badly hurt and still thought of herself as a bother just for getting help. Society really destroys any healthy self- esteem a person should have in women. Please anyone, counter this bullshit in your little girls, they deserve better.

just-peepin-at-u · 2020-10-26T12:26:09+00:00

That sounds horrible :( Poor lady

sillyceramics · 2020-10-26T13:34:29+00:00

How the hell can someone be so selfish and cruel. It’s sickening.

smilsnille · 2020-10-26T13:35:56+00:00

the last sentence of the post (not the comment) is so fucking disrespectful. just trivializes the whole issue, and turns it around to the mothers?! their own very example was of a woman who didn't want it, but was pressured into it. how about turning the attention to the POS men who thinks this is ok?!

2020-10-26T13:31:51+00:00

He needs a man to go to town on his arse. And then as he’s in a state of sore, bleeding prolapse, go to town again. And again. The end.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-10-26T16:13:38+00:00

This man should be charged with rape.

My religion has a tradition of having the new mother stay home with the baby along with extended family for 40 days and they take care of her. I never really liked that tradition but after seeing this I kind of wonder if the point of secluding the new mother with relatives is to prevent her scrote husband from raping her.

There are also taboos and sort of cultural traditions I always thought were weird around having sex while pregnant and oral sex, basically that these are a no. I always thought they were weird traditions but the more I’m reading FDS I actually think they were attempts to put hard and fast limits to men rather than to associate sexual pleasure with shame. In our society now we are seeing what men will do when all limits and “kinkshaming” and social proof are removed from their sexuality. Healthy male and female sexuality are both needed for society to function properly and porn / libfem/ pickme/ MRA culture is ruining that.

cutsforluck · 2020-10-26T13:19:15+00:00

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Eli1984 · 2020-10-26T13:43:53+00:00

Reading this breaks my heart

Lavender_flow · 2020-10-26T15:26:20+00:00

Imagine having kids with a man who forces and nags you to have sex right after giving birth. So sick. She could have died. 🤢 these men are psychos

ginnnnie · 2020-10-26T13:31:37+00:00

This is sad

Artist_Cultural · 2020-10-26T15:41:53+00:00

Had a patient die from this a few months ago.

Jenny_Saint_Quan · 2020-10-26T14:50:51+00:00

He could've killed her.

anxious-american · 2020-10-26T15:06:05+00:00

This is less about her being a pick me and more about him being a dick, this guy sounds awful

zombiessalad · 2020-10-26T15:07:12+00:00

Honestly is consent that fucking hard for people to grasp? No means no! And that goes for coercing and pressuring someone into saying yes. I swr im never getting married🤢

suspended_animation_ · 2020-10-26T15:20:03+00:00

This literally made me feel sick...

Adawritesrules · 2020-10-26T15:52:33+00:00

If it’s ok to make her bleed, why isn’t it ok to make him bleed while he keeps it silent to “not be a bother”? Pull a Lorena B. If one is not ok, how and why is the other one ok???

kiksuya_ · 2020-10-26T14:47:36+00:00

A little louder for the people in the back: COERCION IS RAPE

stillcantsee · 2020-10-26T15:39:32+00:00

We’re calling women coerced into sex “pick me’s” now? What the hell happened to this place 🤮

a-battle-of-wit · 2020-10-26T16:07:51+00:00

Stop victim blaming. This isn’t a “pick-me” situation. This is an abusive partner who is hurting his wife by putting his sexual needs before her health.

Calling women in abusive situations a pick- me is wrong and disgusting.

4E4ME · 2020-10-26T16:18:05+00:00

Let's be real, he was probably fucking her while she was in labor too. Or at least demanding bjs. Imagine being 9mos pregnant and being on your knees. I hope this woman finds a way to get away from him.

2020-10-26T17:02:53+00:00

i have a real problem with your title. this ain’t it sis

iaintgonnacallyou · 2020-10-26T16:10:09+00:00

I don’t think she can be considered a pick me when she was coerced into having sex. She’s being abused.

v0ta_p0r_m0ta · 2020-10-26T14:11:21+00:00

If a man ever says he can’t wait for sex because he “needs it” then most likely he is Gay because let’s say hypothetically he were to be in jail, he either, doesn’t have sex or DoEs with the other men because he “needs it.”

Blackishcat27 · 2020-10-26T16:15:46+00:00

What a monster! I hope karma gets his ass quickly.

Diane9779 · 2020-10-26T16:28:01+00:00

Hemoglobin of 4?? That has to be error. That’s a shit ton of blood.

lisasimpsonfan · 2020-10-26T16:54:57+00:00

I am severely anemic. I have had to have numerous blood transfusions and go to Hematologist for IV iron infusions. I know how horrible a 7 hemoglobin level feels. I have passed out, gotten so shaky, unable to get warm, felt light headed, sleepiness, etc... but a 4?? I can't imagine how bad that poor woman felt and she was in no condition to care for herself or a newborn.

murdertoothbrush · 2020-10-26T16:55:16+00:00

I've given birth twice and I can't even imagine what kind of a man would want to go to pound town on a bleeding, sore, swollen, possibly stitched up woman.

WTAF...

Jenjofred · 2020-10-26T21:46:10+00:00

How are hospital workers not mandated to report this as assault?

sushiwalrus · 2020-10-26T16:04:40+00:00

Women need to force the men they’re with to watch them give birth viewing the actual c-section or vaginal birth. Make them watch you get any resulting care like stitches too. These idiots just don’t get it unless they physically see it. If a scrote still pushes you for sex after watching all of that then just break up honestly. He views you as nothing but an object.

aquarieux · 2020-10-26T21:05:10+00:00

I was about to say, this isn't just a man who is horny and needs to find relief. This is a man who is dangerous and who has absolutely no regard for the safety, health, and wellbeing of his partner. I can almost guarantee that if he was there for the birth of the child, he was told to his face not to have intercourse for the first 6 weeks of his partner's healing. Even if he wasn't there, it's a good chance that she let him know on countless occasions that sex is off the table while her body is literally repairing itself from the inside out. It is reiterated by medical staff and any parenting guide book or resource out there that women need time- weeks usually- to heal before attempting penetrative sex. This is a man who prioritizes his pleasure above the very life of his partner. Disgusting.

nurseleu · 2020-10-27T02:20:25+00:00

I'm a postpartum nurse at the hospital. I make it very, very clear to both the mom and her partner that intercourse (and anything else going into the vagina) is off-limits and unsafe for at least 6 weeks, or until her doctor says it's safe. The dads get my best, "this is serious, don't even try it" nurse look and tone.

Similar to this story, we have had a patient re-admitted because she was pressured into sex after a hysterectomy and the skin flap (where the cervix was) tore and was bleeding uncontrollably. It's horrible.

2020-10-26T16:07:39+00:00

How is this different than you being wounded and stitched up elsewhere, and a guy wanting to have sex with your wound?

Newsflash, it's not. Totally stomach turning.

engg_girl · 2020-10-26T16:23:08+00:00

Please realise your more than a sexual object. If someone can't recognize you as more than a place to put his dick he doesn't love you, he isn't capable.

notochord · 2020-10-26T16:50:28+00:00

Her abusive spouse should be in jail for assault. Why isn’t this situation a mandatory report to the police?

rinabean · 2020-10-26T16:50:19+00:00

You shouldn't have apologised for the title.

It's really vitally important that women understand that it's not necessarily about the first red flag and so don't fixate on it and whether or not it's something they can stand. Often those things aren't that big a deal by themselves (like... poor dating etiquette or whatever). But when you start excusing, you're not going to stop. Men like this can and will wear you down if you let them. That's why vetting and high standards are so important. Because you're right, this is where it gets you. She didn't deserve this and neither does any women, but we're so rarely taught to understand our worth. We are too scared of being alone or bitches but this is what we should fear!

It's not helped by people like that, a fucking healthcare provider, completely diminishing the evil the man did! Women should be able to tell them about abuse, but this person thinks it's merely a practical problem! The "lesson" that man needs is a prison sentence, bare minimum. This is what we are fighting and women getting uncomfortable about the words we are using to describe this reality rather than the reality itself are not helping.

IBicedT · 2020-10-26T16:39:03+00:00

I have to ask, because I'm relatively new to this sub: do we equate the state of being a "pickme" with being abused? I know that sometimes yes, we develop a "pickme" attitude and mindset because of abuse, but what I read in this story (the story op submitted) is abuse, not blatant and self-imposed self-depreciation (and the ridicule that would be "appropriate", but isn't really) that we could assign to a nebulous, not personally known, "pickme" person. I hope the woman in op' s story can heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from the horror of the immediate post-birth trauma she's experienced. I hope she finds FDS. I know this sub and the amazing women who have been brave in sharing their experiences and strength have been immensely helpful to so many others. It's made a huge, positive difference in my life. But I hope that woman in the story doesn't come across this sub and is turned off to the spirit and hope offered here because she finds her story and her experience labeled as the experience of a "pickme."

chatrebelle · 2020-10-26T16:02:59+00:00

Ok i'm seeing a lot of comment mentioning this and I shouldn't have called her a pick me as she is obviously in an abusive relationship. I am sorry for the poor choice of words.

But not vetting your partner can get you in this type of situation. Vetting your partner properly is litteraly life or death, especially if you plan on having children with them. Red flags should never be ignored or minimized.

rivermeander · 2020-10-26T13:18:33+00:00

this is awful, wish i could give that girl a hug:'(

quirkypinkllama · 2020-10-27T02:26:37+00:00

So disgusting. She needs 6+ weeks to recover. There ARE other ways...

2020-10-27T05:05:01+00:00

He should go to jail.

2020-10-27T06:54:52+00:00

Damn.

Title	Where being a pick me will get you.
Author	chatrebelle
Upvotes	1330
Comments	147
Date	October 26, 2020 12:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jiddlg/where_being_a_pick_me_will_get_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/where-being-a-pick-me-will-get-you.325733 https://theredarchive.com/post/325733

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